The BIG SIGNS He’s Wasting Your Time & How to Tell If He’s USING YOU! | Stephan Speaks
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- čas přidán 2. 06. 2024
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On Today's Episode:
How do you know if he’s really interested or just obsessed with you? In reality, it’s hard to decipher what’s fact and what’s myth when it comes to knowing what men want.
Him chasing you and giving you lots of time and attention may not be reliable in determining his real intentions for you. His lack of time and communication doesn’t necessarily indicate that he’s playing games or not interested either.
Stephan (Labossiere) Speaks is a relationship coach dedicated to helping men and women experience happier and more fulfilling relationships. In today’s episode, you’re going to see that much of the problems we need to address are internal.
Ladies, it's time to reconnect with your greatest source of power, that female intuition, and slow down long enough to be honest with yourself. Having the best relationship of your life is possible, but it’s going to take you asking the hard questions and answering them honestly.
Why are you really here in this current relationship?
Why are you holding onto a relationship with the wrong person?
What are you afraid of, really?
It’s time to get some straightforward advice from the relationship expert himself, so you can be strong and have your own back in every relationship.
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Stephan Speaks
0:13 | Don’t Fall for the Chase
12:19 | How to Spot Real Connection
26:30 | Do This On Your Next Date
42:54 | Connection, Compatibility & Chemistry
58:14 | Shamed Into Bad Relationships
1:04:02 | Don’t Stay Out of Fear
1:13:10 | Why Sex Too Soon
QUOTES:
“Him chasing you is not always the greatest indicator that he’s serious about you, or that he has genuine intention.” [1:08]
“There’s this idea that men don’t have feelings or that men are not being heartbroken by women out there.” [8:06]
“I do believe the strength of the man is the logical mind, and the strength of the woman is the intuition mind.” [15:10]
“If you have to cultivate it that means you’re just growing attached to this individual that’s not a connection.” [20:49]
“It can’t be not true love on my end, but true love on your end.” [22:07]
“Stop doing what you think will work and do what works for you.” [31:22]
“The goal should be not trying to fit into other people’s lives, but seeing who we fit together with.” [34:22]
“Best foot forward should not be how do I win the date over. Best foot forward should be how do I really show who I am to see if they really connect with me.” [35:45]
“The key to great long lasting sex is connection.” [55:54]
“I believe a lot of people become narcissists in their relationship, they were not narcissists in the beginning.” [56:46]
“Some of you are holding on because you’re afraid to be alone, not because you love them.” [58:14]
“Are you willing to put in the work to receive what you want out of life?” [1:02:12]
“One of the biggest mistakes a man or a woman can make is to let someone think that no matter what they do you will stay.” [1:07:02]
“When a man really likes a woman, he’s more concerned about how she perceives his pursuit of it [sex], so he’s going to be more careful, he’s going to be more willing to be patient, [...] the last thing he wants to do is to make you think that’s all he’s here for…” [1:16:33]
“Don’t have sex on the first date because you need time to evaluate what you’re dealing with, and doing it so soon can blind you. Sex can easily cloud your judgement.” [1:20:42]
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What’s the biggest red flag you look for?
When they don't treat children, animals and women modestly
when he tries to make you look small and overreacting when you just speak or when you just are.
The way he treats himself honestly.. does he have integrity? Does he take care of himself, not just physically but on all levels. Spiritually, mentally.. if he doesn't value himself, how can he value you?
Love bombing.
@@alyssarose6262 this.
"You will never be good enough for the wrong person"
Truth bombs!
Agree...you can not lose yourself trying to keep peace.
Very true
BEST comment thus far.
So powerful! So true!!
After over 30 years of trying to interpret men’s actions, it is no longer an interest of mine. Lol. It’s about time for men to do the inner work and learn how to communicate in relationships. I taught my boys emotional intelligence but I have yet to be in a relationship with a man who is self-aware, can take responsibility for his actions, and has the ability to communicate his needs/wants clearly without getting his ego involved.
OMG Jacqueline!!!! i ALWAYS think this. Its women for the MOST part watching these videos, going to therapy, doing work. Men dont do SHIT! its always us. I bet the guy who gaslighted me last year (nice guy, but it didnt end well cause of the gaslighting) i bet he isnt watching these clips!!
I agree, also I took from this that it's for men and women. Both need to be authentic and honest.
Couldn’t agree more!!!!!!! When he says “he left bc he’s scared”, I literally said out loud “and!?” “So!???”.
Like outcome is the same despite intention. Men need to learn communication my god
@@hollygrace6814 100% agree. Sorry to hear about being gaslit. It's a real mind f*ck. Continuous gaslighting is abuse - maybe not such a nice guy-? I can so relate. Good thing is we're on our road to recovery and making better choices in all our relationships, right? Take care :)
@@NotTodaySatan557 RIGHT! i found this interview insightful, but also somewhat, pathetic.
If someone is mistreating you and tells you they haven’t done anything “wrong”, listen to them. They are telling you they are going to continue😔✨☘️🙏
Agreed. When confronted you may even get a response from them of, "You should accept me for who I am. I accept you for who you are." Which essentially means: I'm not hiding being an asshole and you've been taking it (which is my acceptance of you) so why should I change who I am (being an asshole) bc you're saying now that you don't like (accept) it. So I will continue to mistreat you because I've done nothing wrong. You're the one who is in the wrong for not accepting me for who I am (an asshole).
My response is: You're right. I accept that you're an asshole. And then I'd get the hell out of there.
@@SmackedyDoo This is an extremely good, enlightening & honest method to use to acknowledge what we go through & witness✨☘️🙏Thank you so very much for your enlightenment
@@evelina787 That's very kind of you.
That was my ex husband. Always giving other women attention then cried like a baby when I divorced him.
@@aminahreviewsstuff So sorry you went through this
But i'm so delighted you're so strong & wishing you to continuously be blessed with the very best in life, forevermore ✨☘️🙏
"Nothing will knock you down quicker than offering the best of yourself to someone and it's still not being good enough. "~M.W. Poetry.
That’s a mistake I made my entire life. Placing my value on outside views of myself. It’s better to own your insecurities, deal
With them and build
Your own self
Esteem. If you get rejected after that, it won’t knock you down. You’ll take as more
Matter of fact. And your door will be open to keep seeking to find an ideal fit.
@@justinepoyntz1474 Deng me too! 😢😢
Omg this is a very devastating blow. My heart aches remembering how that felt. How it still feels. When u grow up in it and have relationships in it you start to do it to yourself too.
This was to my father ❤️🩹
So true..... Yes give the best of yourself and for it not to be good enough.... Is soul destroying and not that unusual....
Peace out 🇬🇧🏴🏴🍀
A broken man or a narcissistic man will never be able to give the love you deserve.
How did the man break?
What is a broken man?
I was told that a broken man is a man who isn't emotionally available to give love or show compassion or empathy.
@@pamelawilliams3365 sounds like a typical sociopath to me
I am learning this the hard way after three years…I feel so empty. I gave my all to this person and it was all for nothing. 😔
"one of the biggest mistakes a man or woman can make is to let someone think no matter what they do to you, you will stay." hard truth right there. I've made this mistake
As have I, now we know better. And we deserve better.
Mine was 24yrs worth of that mistake. Finally woke up and divorced him
@@Cezeji1 same with m 22 years. Filing for divorce
No I've left the relationship. My understanding and patience ran out. He ignored my feelings too often. There was no reason to stay in this relationship anymore
Me too, your very right. Hindsight aye...
There’s nothing wrong with being single. It’s peaceful and if the best thing for you until you meet the right person, you should not by any means “settle”. I’d rather be single than with the wrong person.
I hv said, "No arguing with anyone, or turning around in the bathroom at night in order to make sure the toilet seat is down, before your boots hits the cold water."
I agree. Since I've been single I've learned so much about MYSELF...the inner peace I found is something I will never give up for anything in the world. I'm opened to dating but for now I'm at peace and patiently waiting for my person to come into my life...
YESSEYŸYY HELLALUJAH AMEN THANKS 🙏🏾🙌🏾❤🙏🏾
When you really love yourself enough, you have inner peace. Don't try so hard to figure someone else out, just pay attention to your inner feelings and if you feel secure and happy. The hard truth is that not everyone finds true love although most of us want it.
step 0 honestly
I'm learning to accept this hard truth
“When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside.” - Jay Shetty ✨
Omg that is such a nice quote ❤️
Jay steals almost every quote. I suggest finding the real genius who said this. 🙄
True! Thanks for sharing!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💝
When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself. When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you. Encouragement should come from the inside.
- *Joel Osteen*
*JAY SH!TTY is a CON MAN*
Such a terrible quote and not realistic. As humans we need evidence of all of this and can't just pull it out of a vacuum. Yes we need to have confidence but we need to work towards it and needs to be recognised on some scale.
I’ve gotten to the point where if you gotta break down all their actions and are still left confused it ain’t worth any more of your attention.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Point blank periodtt
Facts 💯 💯 left confused and not at peace 😐 run.
Exactly. It's such a way of time.
That's me I'm tryna work it out
15:30 women: follow your strength= which is listen to your intuition, inner voice.
18:34 difference between connection and infatuation
28:48 bad advice men tend to follow
30:56 ask questions rather than assuming the situation and behavior
34:02 what’s gonna happen if you fake your personality and show it to him on the first date. don’t try to win the date over, show who you are instead.
37:59 what you have to be careful not to misunderstand
40:34 responsibility to convey your message to others
43:09 difference between connection, compatibility and chemistry
48:04 the blind side of dating apps
Ty!!!
The hero is here 🙌
Thank you for many likes and the comments! I’m glad to be a part of your help:)
Thank you
❤
Life isn't about WHO you want to be... It about discovering WHO you are!!
"It's easier to chase lust than to chase love". Couldn't agree more.
Chasing lust isn’t investing yourself so there is nothing to lose, nothing ventured nothing gained.
@@phoenixrising8007 Unless the other person is invested.
@@phoenixrising8007 Agree
@@missq1999 if he's truly invested in you he's not gonna operate with his dick
Oh definitely
There are good guys out there. You have to look for someone who is good, not just showing you a good face. My husband was very consistent in the beginning and reached out everyday to make sure I was ok. That was just in the dating phase. Six years of being together and four years married, HE IS STILL THE SAME WAY. Because that’s his character.
Where’d you find him?
You are truly blessed to have that , that’s so rare these days .
@@brooklyn3299 I’ve found I’ve had the best experiences with foreign men with great relationships (not codependent) with their mothers. Good luck!
Good isn’t always great !
@@missdawn5238 it’s not rare you have to look at yourself and see how are you playing the game. Many men are wanting good wives but the pickings are slim. More women to men but quality women are not there either
As an arab girl it's so hard being single over 30 years old, so you start avoiding family celebrations and weddings to avoid people looking at you and questioning why you still single
Next time they ask you why your still single tell them the man who God knows deserves you hasn't shown up yet, but you are willing to wait on God's timing and not run ahead.
Move to another country and get independent
I've been told that same ?, & I'm 54. "But God" led me to meet a wonderful man through a "fr" he sent me, & he couldn't believe e it when I answered it right back, & I said, "Well why wouldn't I!?" :)
I would tell them because I have high intelligence
@areebahshakeel2409 she might be in America but being Arabic the culture and expectations are still present.
I'm not good about INITIATING affection. My family wasn't and isn't touchy feely. Hugs feel awkward. But I love & need affection. That's why I love someone who is naturally affectionate. Having someone i like or love come up behind me and hug me unexpectedly, I melt.
same
❤
Communicating like grown folks solves and spares a lot of this confusion and trauma
very true...
And if you find that it's impossible to engage your partner in a sensible way then that should indicate how successful you'll be
Facts
...100!
@@Swindysux Absolutely.
FINALLY A MAN CONSIDERING MEN AGE 30+ OLD!👌🏻😊 I'm so sick of those men thinking only women get old, but they are still in their prime over 40🙄! All those single men I've met over 40 are still behaving like boy Peter Pan. Not taking responsibility for their thoughts &actions, not knowing what they want, afraid of commitment &rejection, etc!🙄 Every single man over 40 or 50 STILL wants a girl in her twenties! Thinking he's desirable because he earns a little more and still got the looks. 🙄 NO they don't look their prime! 😂 None of them realizes this and they are flirting with me saying they found the woman of their dreams😅 I flirt back, but think to myself that he's waaay to old for me and can't take him seriously. They should have a woman their age -with as much baggage. All of them need a reality check.
Couldn't agree with you more there is this one in his sixties because he dresses smartly,he doesn't know he is grey, he doesn't realize he is now putting on glasses to read, he doesn't realize he doesn't go to primary school anymore because of his age ,I could go on .
Men get bald in their 20s lmao not do skincare and rely on 3-in-1 body wash for the face
U r so right! I don't know where men got this myth that they don't age like woman
Amen
Yes girl. They are so delusional. 😂 especially when they’ve already been divorced or had kids but tell you (as a young woman) that they won’t do it again. Then they get shocked when you only see them as a wallet. It’s like dude.. what can you offer me? 👀😂😴
Guy at work wanted me to be his lil work wifey, flirting every day, telling me what I wanted to hear, that I was his favorite person, hugging me all the time, saying my name 30 times a day, but when I invited him to a festival with a few other coworkers he was scared and didn't wanna go. So I called him out and he said he was sorry he gave me the wrong impression and that he just noticed I liked him like a week ago and that he can't get into anything right now. I just smiled, thanked him for his honesty and said that I completely understand. Gotta keep it moving. I don't have time for these games.
Call the guy out and ask the hard questions within two weeks of him showing interest. A man is not allowed to ignite a woman love if he won't follow through. Cut if off! It will save you heartache, and hope and give you back your peace.
By 74, I've waded through the whole gamut of relationships from roommate to spouse to being married to my career, but the happiest relationships I ever encountered were with myself, my pets and a handful of friends. It's so much more freeing to be able to choose for yourself 24/7 what it is you want to do without hurting someone else's feelings or pissing them off. It's when our own expectations have been dashed that we would become disillusioned in another.
I like the way you think. ❤
The happiest relationship is by far a relationship with God:)))
@@SB-cy4hb That's a given
@@SB-cy4hb😂
The last sentence sums it up!
The thing is once you are not afraid being alone, you become more picky, you just don’t wanna settle down with whoever, then you end up being single for a long time 😳😓 even you want to be with someone…🤷🏻♀️
Same situation here. I have enjoyed too much by myself for too long and I am having difficulties to see myself being with someone again …
Same here, I enjoy my life so much that a relationship can’t really add anything to it. I’m not saying never but it’s not something I need or want anymore. All the happiest times in my life has been when I’ve been single for a few years in between long term relationships
That is me there😀🙈
Been married 15 years and separated on and off for the past 3 years. Never thought I'd be alone at age 56 on the 6th. He has already moved on with a woman 30 years younger and a downgrade and bad person. I realized that even with my ex I was alone.
I believe that I will always be alone now. He ruined trust for me and I will never allow my heart to be broken like he broke my heart ever again. As much as I hate being alone, it's better than being hurt.
this is the most sense full comment ever 👏
Anyone who starts saying they love you within a short space of time (love bombing)...without having met you or barely knowing you is a HUGE red flag ladies....I know it can feel surreal, but it is definitely something you have to watch out for and run for the hills. Because honestly ask yourself, how can they love you or you them if you don't know each other?!
Why aren't you letting them know you, I have heard this and it was because he was hiding a lot.
It’s possible. I met my ex online and we both said ‘ i love you’ before we actually met. Maybe it was just lust in the begining because love is sometomes you build over time, my point is that is not always a bad thing that someone can express their feelings early on. We stayed together 7 years. We broke up but it doesnt mean I regret the relationship. We were both youngr and both made mistakes. It was a leason.
I agree to this for many this day and time, but love is an action. My husband told me he loved me the first week we met and I loved him when I first met him. It was truly love at first sight for me. We have been happily married for over 21 years. Many can't imagine that type of love because they haven't experienced it or seen it. What helped me when I was dating, I was authentic and honest, and I was aware of disrespect from myself and others. I practice being genuine, self worth, good communication, awareness, and prayer.
a guy was kissing me on the first few dates.....(just a peck but still!!!)
"Lovebombing" is what serial killers and predators do too. Way too many episodes of TCAP showing the preds love bombing the decoys for days or even months before they show up to the sting house and meet Chris Hansen.
You are right!! If a person think you will NEVER leave they will stop giving 100%
I just wish I could tell the difference between a man being afraid and a man having lost interest. Sometimes it's
very difficult to tell. This man has seemed so into me, and now he's pulled back and we haven't been able to see each other due to our crazy schedules, so I can't even ask him about it.
Most" players" leave the straight forward people alone.if they know that bullmess doesn't work on you they aren't going to keep trying.. They'd rather go to someone who is weak and easily manipulate.
Exactly!
Not in my case. It was a challenge then.
Easy prey
That's how they hunt
If a player is also a hunter, they won’t always be satisfied with easy prey. If the name of the game is get the girl/guy, then a good player knows how to play both the short game and the long game.
“Im so in love with the perception of this man i have rather than the reality of this man” freaking felt to the core 😭💯🔥
You too??? I thought it was just me.
Isn’t that the man’s fault? He’s keeping you at arms length on purpose Queens
Yes rings so true to me
@@Klvmoss10 reé we rip
What I've learned Just be real and be yourself, don't try to be someone you're not when your dating be real and be truthful. Dont put all your eggs in one basket either when dating, You may be very attracted to someone but that does not mean they will be good for you or a good person , We all have intuition, Listen to it the first time and you can save yourself alot of heartache, and don't sleep with a man or women right away, see what they actually want in a relationship, see what type of person they are, how they think etc., and the most important thing are you both on the same page? Do you want the same things out of life? , Do you want a relationship in the hopes to get married one day? Just take things slow and see how it goes, and if the other person just breaks things off or tells you they aren't ready or starts to pull away don't chase them, let them go. Don't give anyone all your Power so they can hurt you deeply by it.
This is so true good advice thanks
i'm starting to learn that. I was putting this guy on a pedestal and being very cautious about how I text him to come across interested but also give him space. Now I'll just text whatever the heck I want when I feel like it, because that's how I'm gonna act with my friends. if he's not into it he can respectfully tell me, or just pull away.
It's really sad when people try to win the person & not be themself! I always be myself & if they don't like it, they're not for me!
I used to be blunt & rude all in the name of being honest and direct. I was careless regarding other’s feelings. I realized I was hurting other people because I was hurt. I realized I needed to work on myself so I took the time to pray, and get counseling to resolve my issues.
I’m dealing with the same issue.
I’m dealing with the same issue.
Yes, this is important and something I’m working through as well.
Thank you for being open about your awareness, Paula. Owning your experience is everything.
So now you are two-faced?
I think the advice under "Don't stay out of fear" applies for men and women. I'm a woman and I am not gonna stay in a relationship giving my love if not being reciprocated. No matter how much I love you, if you don't treat me right, I'm gone!
Hi paola valladares you are soo right, if a man cannot reciprocated too u, run for the hills, anyway stay safe, peace, love and light, goodbye for now.
@@jujuherbst8094 You are right. I look young, but I am very close to reach 40. I am kinda that woman you are describing. My friends have kids or are married. I'm the single one. I am still recovering from a relationship that got toxic. He had a narcissistic behaviour, this of course I saw when I distance from him. It hurts so much when the person you love mistreat you, makes you feel you are not good enough and it hurts even more knowing that you have to "destroy" the love you have for that person because they don't love you. But staying there was only gonna destroy me. I am worth something. Not matter the age, someone will see it someday.
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In Yeshua’s Name Amen 🙏🏿
@@paval2022 I am similar age and have tons of single guy friends. There are plenty of good guys around to have connection with even if not in a relationship. ..
@@Yoginimassage Hi! Completely agree with you! wish I had a more outgoing personality and could easily socialise with both, men and women. I kinda have social anxiety and suffer when in large groups of crowded places. My social group is limited. I am ok with being alone and have a great relationship with my friends, but of course it'd be nice to share my life with a nice fella .🙂
It is very true, I became so afraid to go into a relationship because of the hurt and pain I went through in my first relationship. I fought so hard to forget it. I’m 41 and still single. I believe in marriage and want to be married. Thank God for strength, I believe he shall help me
I thought I was going slow, we were both really attracted to one another, we started to "engage", and I fell as soon as he got enough he was ghost. It's just sad how men are. I feel that's all he wanted from me
Most impactful statement, "you'll never be good enough for the wrong person!"
I totally agree. If a guy is writing, calling and chasing you constantly, it's a major red flag and a turn off. Run and look for a guy who is balanced and has projects, hobbies and self-respect. Don't fall for a guy that seems to come out of a bad romantic film. He may also be stalking material.
Or maybe he has balance in his life... people are on different levels when they meet.
You’re right . I’m still being stalked till this day .
Even if I've got my own life and respect and know my self very well. After my previous relationship I'd still be like that, because by nature I'm a very clingy lover and very affectionate, and the way I do it is self conscious and pure, and I'll listen to what the other person says if my behaviour doesn't please them, though I'd be hurt and ask to compromise in a way that i can still express myself. Hearing about all this kind of hurts me making me think I'm that sort of person people don't want to get to be with.
Sometimes I get confused because if you aren’t calling or texting me are you giving it to somebody else ? Or am I self sabotaging?
@@shtejahward9582 as a man yes , they moved on to someone elese, that my problem with throwing the word "needy" out there , showing interest = being needy is the hardest thing for me to balance
Man, he is teaching right now. I pray that my ears are open to receiving this message without my heart getting in the way.
I learned my lesson. I let a person tell me he don't like me in that way and don't want to be with me. Yet I continue to mess with him and made myself think in time he will want me. I will never do that to my self again. The worst feeling is feeling unwanted and the only thing they want from you is relations.
Im so sorry this happend to you.❤ you are worthy✨️
I don’t understand excusing someone withdrawing out of protection of self because they are not ready to commit, and saying the other person shouldn’t internalise it…All they needed to was COMMUNICATE their feelings!
…stop wasting woman’s time, why should they wait when you don’t have the respect to communicate. You can’t blame someone for assuming if you are keeping confused.
I said the same thing!! If men can only learn to communicate smh!!!!
Men know how to communicate like champs when they know exactly what the want.
The issue lies with the reasons they want someone. Lust is a man's biological driver. How and why to love is learned behavior.
@@kami3131. yah I agree too
I thought the exact same thing! Why would a woman not feel slighted, ghosted, because he changes his behavior. He was concerned that he couldn't focus on his business, blah, blah, bullsh*t. If the guy can't tell the woman he's attracted to this then how is he going to communicate in business. That advice was a load of crock and now you dealing with a woman with her guard up.
A hurt woman will take a chance on love after being hurt, but most hurt men will not...as my lawn guy once told me, a divorced man in his 40s is a sure 'nough hoe.
This guy really needed an older woman that's been through some stuff, and came out better, sitting next to him. .. or my lawn guy 😆
Girls, you're all special, don't fall for words, fall for actions. Also, talk about introducing them to your family, and the guy really has to think about whether he wants to go through all that, make sure you make him go through that, that's the action part of it. Goodluck loves! ❤️ 💙 💜 💖 💗
And invite him to church see how he acts.
@@brooklyn3299 cool
He can introduce you to his family and that doesn't always mean nothing.
@@mrsbdubc2174 that's so true, and the family already knows
Absolutely!!!!
Communication is key! I start with communication in every relationship and I feel peaceful in most of my relationships
What’s tough is when you are a decent communicator but your partner is a deaf mute when it comes to discussing relationship issues or his only statements are “I don’t know”, ‘I don’t remember”, “I don’t know how to answer that”, “I don’t understand what you’re asking, could you be more specific”, or just pulls a lie out of his butt that makes no sense at all and you just know…This is not going to end well. IT’S GOING TO END…BUT NOT WELL AT ALL.
"It shattered him so much he dropped out of medical school... It all fell apart because they were both scared"... Literally my pain right now.. Guess I wasn't cautious enough after being single AND abstinent for years .. broken people make people break..
I don’t believe that was the reason, sounds like a crutch. His total package got reduced and he blamed the drop out on her … baby narcissist I suspect
An emotionally unavailable man need to respectfully REMOVE himself from the dating scene because he isn’t ready for commitment. He is offering a small part of himself (physical) and moving on which is selfish. He need to have a season solo until he is ready to engage himself in a respectful connection fully.
Men cannot have a solo season. Their entire lives revolve around women and they can never say no to them or take a break to work on themselves. They see no value in turning down pussy or romance in favor of inner work.
@@Pomagranite167 A Carnal man I suppose only flesh minded, but a Man of Character, Love the Lord, Honor the Word and his own body ( won’t treat it like a garbage dump) that Man is far and few. Jesus Christ led the way and Apostle Paul was a single man God used him greatly. I understand what you’re communicating but adding. Different perspective. Two different men.
Learning about this is humbling but it also reminds me I’m tired. I’ve accepted that dating vs courtship vs marriage is too complicated nowadays and I want nothing to do with any of it. I’d rather keep my peace, it’s cheaper too.
Peaceful place is my space
I agree 💯
I'm a lesbain & far my concern it's too much expection going into it
I'm tired too hun. I never thought it would be this hard to find a mate
I feel the same way 👌🏾💯
I'm a big proponent of holding people accountable for what they do in the time you are parted ways. If someone were to ever leave me, they will be held accountable for what they do in the interim. If they knew I was an option and sought another- stay over there.
Telling my whole story. I knew deep down the first week of our romantic relationship that something wasn’t right and God even told me not to get intimate with him but I wanted him so much, I ignored it.
Hard lesson learned.
I’m so excited to see Stephan on Lisa’s show. I greatly admire them both and Tom.
I feel like this guy’s whole speech is that women need to be more understanding to guys lack of accountability 🫠 If I can communicate directly what I want, why can’t a man? Even if it is something he thinks I don’t want to hear..just tell me once and we’ll have an uncomfortable conversation but we will both know where each of us stands and will either go forward together or move on. This guy is saying “stop internalizing his actions or if he backs away” or “give him time if he’s not chasing you” what kind of advice is that? Why not just find a man who right away treats you how you want instead of giving some “good guy” a chance to waste your time. And he may very well be a good guy, but if he’s not giving you what you want in terms of actions towards you, what’s the point in waiting for him to come around. Is this Stephan even married? Does he have years of successful marriage experience? 🤷♀️
Exactly! Useless.
He has life experience but any professional qualifications? l doubt it
👏👏👏
Agree
@@nutech1810 his own at being a player which he clearly is
I think women try so hard because we are always to blame if it fails. Somehow there's always something we should or shouldn't have done. It's hard to stay strong and yet feminine against that.
Dang. That’s it
yesss 😫
Is that why you always complain about abuse and mistreatment?
I am so sick of these hurt men with no damn courage! We all get hurt, get OVER IT!!! A good, exciting Life takes enthusiasm and guts…get some!
@@alikazan24 Women are only brave because men built a safe society.
Wow. This was majorly enlightening! At 38 I've sat and wondered why I choose jobless, bad boys....it's because they have nothing to do but focus on me...which ends up annoying after the "honeymoon" period ends and I feel smothered.
Anyways, now I know what it is that attracts me to those types. They shower me with attention, which at first is flattering but ends up beng a break up point for me. After having to support a man and then having NO space I always leave.
Wow. At 38, this man just made me realize what error I'm making and why. Life changing video!
Thank you so much for making this show! You're making a difference!
He is so right ladies listen to yourself. When your mind, body or soul is telling u “don’t do” don’t do it. He is right on so many level. I am 36 with 2 kids and never been married.
Errm after listening to the first section what I am hearing is, "if he guy isn't ready, don't move on, just wait. ---Don't "distract"/invest in your career or move on to a relationship where a guy might be emotionally ready." Yeah...why do I have to put my life on hold for someone who hasn't put in the time/effort/energy/resources to heal himself? He might be a great guy, but I'll accept that it's wrong timing and move on. Maybe I'll hear something more convincing later in the chat.
I had a gf who said this statement yesterday. I'm listening to the whole thing to see what else he says.
Lol I think that’s one of his pillars. He says the same thing and more on Anthony O’Neal’s interview (first 10 min).
@@kelseymaher1786 ah. I listened to the full episode. He brought up good points in a man's perspective. However there are women who want to make it work but certain men will keep it dragging, I've experienced that twice, respecting their career journey but I get stepped on. So if a man wants a relationship he should be ready to do the work to keep the woman to commit and vice versa.
I disagree. I think what’s he’s saying is being open to a new encounter with the same person in the future. Instead of internalizing why it didn’t work out during the initial encounter and unintentionally blocking the blessing.
@@donniep.1513 I definitely think there's a place for not internalizing rejection. I still have some qualms though. In his example (11:25), did the man articulate why he was slow fading or did he just disappear? Also, why was the situation framed in "I am doing this to protect her," vs. "I am not ready. I've really effed up. I am sorry I hurt you." One is hiding behind gender stereotypes and the other is taking accountability. The former is infantilizing. Thirdly, his concept of just having one person for you/connection keeps coming back around is concerning. I suppose, I believe there are many people for me, so I don't need to entertain an option of someone from my past back. Rebuilding trust would be/is really hard in these situations. Additionally, with the thought "connection coming back around" that could invite really poor behavior---what I think he needs to add in this part of his talk is honing the skill of discernment because when the man comes back, how are you going to know he's changed. And finally (lawd! this was the one that sent me over this morning), I do understand his point on 'try not to get over someone but getting under someone" (13:12), but in that same section, I am hearing that he's saying, "don't invest in you as a reaction to the dismissal, instead wait around until you feel inspired and then move on." I'd challenge him with, what if my inspired action made me as successful in my career or led to another relationship or to me having children in which case, this former guy doesn't fit in. Moving on doesn't have to be reactionary. It is necessary and doesn't mean you have to make space for scrubs from the past even though they may have worked on themselves when they show up.
Everything he said was really good until he said, "compatibility is the less needed layer" in the relationship. Lol. No hunnie.
We are soooo caught up in "chemistry" and "connection" that we think the fireworks and excitmemt can actually carry us thru the relationship when it gets real. When the "fireworks" slows down, which it will btw, what you see is someone who you can build a life with based on core values, beliefs, etc. Etc.... aka compatibility. Compatibility is just as important as chemistry.
Agree!!
he actually mentioned the exact point you just said :)
because he says a lot of crap that certain sort of women wants to hear. I am very disappointed with this interview. Some things he says are reasonable though.
Um but I think what he’s referring to there has to be form of attraction or chemistry first in order for the “compatibility” to work. Guys would change his schedule with the boys because he cared about the woman that came into his life that he’s deeply in love with. A guy is immature first being with a woman not knowing any female emotional needs, but later matured and became more understanding. I’ve known plenty of men literally changed or became more mature while in a relationship or after having a baby. And I’ve known plenty of women became more rational than ever to understand her partner better. No one is exactly compatible with each other, but it takes two peoples EFFORT to make the relationship work. There’s a phrase called “ he/she is just not that into you”. If the person isn’t into you, you think they give a f to care if there’s deep compatibility? attraction/ chemistry is the ticket at the door.
I agree compatibility is VERY important 💯💕
My intuition is always right. On top of that, I leave my prayer closet knowing the mysteries of life....armed with specific details about people, situations, motives, intentions, what people were wearing, names of strangers...it's never been wrong.
My best friend, whom I loved so deeply,
with all my heart and with all my soul...
He recently betrayed and abandoned me...
The grief is unbearable.
However,
I have learned this:
1. The woman who has the power to walk away, gives her soul, the space to heal...
2. She allows the man to have clarity regarding her value...
3. She is able to ponder the error/s of her ways...
4. She learns her own strength and power and femininity and divinity and magic...
5. She re-calibrates her soul, and moves back to the Creator's default...
6. She gives God the necessary space to bless her...
This man is so wise. The best thing I heard from this interview is “don’t internalize”. It applies to all relationships, not just romantic ones. Wow.
Yes that's important. Yet very difficult. But wise. For your own sake
You guys aren’t thinking clearly. Yes he said don’t internalize and that’s correct, but everything he said afterwards was about trying to understand why a man is acting hot and cold.
And then he says not to over analyze.
Girl, the minute you start wasting your thoughts on WHY a man isn’t doing something, you’re already internalizing and over analyzing.
Not internalizing means that a person’s actions should have no impact on your self esteem and your ability to love. You shouldn’t even concern yourself with 90% of what this man said.
“Now the goal should be not trying to fit into other people’s lives but, seeing who we fit together with.” 👏👏👏 Amen Stephan 👏👏👏 I have been trying way too hard in my adult years 🤦♀️
This is why communication is so important and necessary. If your words don't speak your actions will. Thats just how it goes. We have to grow up enough to communicate our truth to people even when its uncomfortable. Internilization cannot exist where there is proper communication and acknowledgement.
Dating fatigues feels real I'm in my 20s and it's already on me
I really appreciated her asking the question "Do they want to be in a relationship or are they looking for someone to take care of them?
Or are they looking for someone to make THEM feel good or a texting buddy never moving things forward
@@brooklyn3299 that 😝
Most people are including long marriages
My intuition told me "never see this guy after today"
Listen to your intuition ladies
I wish I listened
Great conversation. We often blame the other person for our heartbreak or disappointment. My one piece of advice is don’t let a poor decision that you made or a lack of better judgment on your part make you bitter. We often see red flags from the very beginning and we ignore them. It’s so easy to put blame on other people instead of taking the time to work on self. So many women feel entitled and expect for men to walk away when they are not ready but forgot you had red flags and you knew this person wasn’t for you and you didn’t walk away so you played a part as well.
My partner was a player but when he realised he couldn’t live without me everything changed. We have an amazing connection which kept bringing us back together. The first time time we kissed we both knew that we had something very special. We’ve openly talked tonight about the cheating and I think that’s the key …. To forgive and decide whether you could imagine life without each other. We can’t … he now treats me with huge respect. We both feel that we’re soulmates and want to be together xx
Update : He’s lied and cheated again, left me with a broken heart and now I do not want a man in my life. I don’t trust any of them having had bad experiences for nearly 2 years. As in the Karen Carpenter song I say goodbye to love. It doesn’t exist
If love is actually what you two have, that's great.. but it seems like what men want nowadays is someone who will forgive them for doing basically whatever the **** they want, provide them with monetary means(a place to stay, income when they're in an "off season", etc) when they're having trouble acquiring it themselves, and basically allow them to take you off the shelf when they can't find a way to get their novelty some place else. That's not love. That's convenient usage of another person.
The remainder of men seem to have no need for a relationship, and have a "been there, done that, paying child support so who needs women except for someone to "play" with type of attitude. The rare few who do seem to want a real relationship seek it with women who are half their age.. It's ridiculous the climate of dating anymore.. Women over 35, who wish to find "the one," fall through the cracks of a seriously broken society.. Doesn't seem to be much hope.. I haven't had a real date/boyfriend in 6 years, haven't even been asked out in all of that time (unless you count married guys looking to hook-up, homeless weirdos, middle aged **** boys, and guys half my age.. no thanks.. smh) And no it's not my attitude that's responsible for this, because the lack of enthusiasm or hopefulness has only been recent; the moment I realized no one's had any real interest in me since two presidents ago!
But if what you have is real, I'm seriously happy for you, hang onto it, it's quite rare..
@@stacyrenee480 I’ve ended it with him. You’re right a lot of men are liars and users. I’ve given up on them including the manipulative guy that led me to believe that he loved me. Once a cheat, always a cheat.
I'm sorry this happend to you❤ I have a broken heart now. We will be ok🙏🏾
Work to make it work. A relationship is a live entity: it has to evolve and grow.
It has to be a two- sided affair!
What about ❤️ that’s thrown in our faces? Do you need to work if you are in love?
Players have insecurity issues them selves...this is worth bearing in mind when encountering one.
I can't tell if this video randomly playing is fate in some feelings I've been feeling or just a coincidence but it feels like I needed to hear this
The answers I have been looking for my whole life is in one video 😭 now transferring it into action is a challenge but assurance is a big first step!
It's better to wait for the right person than to waste your time with the wrong person.
💙CZcamsr That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships
Does it still exist? The right person? :(
@@maceyr.6583 Yes, it is!!! But meanwhile You find this person do not forgot to enjoy and live your life and keep learning about relationships. Do no stop because not arriving yet, when arrives You'll have experiences to share and maturity to enhance it like couple. Good Life!
Ok, so let me just tell you a story about a woman, who nevered had a job while married. She suggested to her husband that she would go to look for a job, and he sayed no, you dont need a job, babe, i'll take care of our fammily. And then, when she was 50 yeaars old, that man dumbed her, and left her standing with nothing. So, do we really can rely on a man? I dont think so...
Every woman deserves to have their own income & be able to support themselves w or w/o a man in their life. The nature of a true man is that he wants to provide, protect, & be a leader for a woman while showing respect, encouraging his woman to do well for herself, & not feel threatened by her independence/success. What you described is not a man, rather an insecure & selfish boy in a grown body.
She didn’t marry well. She was meant to get some sort of alimony.
Never ever rely on a man for security.
But what really happened
This is a so true a lot of us women see the red flogs but still enter those relationship and regret in the end ,men do have the same experience
Stephan seems so wonderful, from the way he carries himself, the way he speaks and his sense of humor. He is so down to earth & by far, my favorite relationship coach on CZcams. I watch his channel even when I have no special person in my life. He breaks it down in such a natural way. Great interview.
Check out Matthew Hussey too! He’s AMAZING, Humorous and just got married and now shares his channel with his wife (who is amazing too) 😊
Communication also plays a part. Men need to communicate how they feel and stop leading ppl on also.
I think you have to say a prayer and live your best life, because what God has for me is for me. Great advice.
Fear of leaving unhealthy relationships, I once lived that as a mom. Thank you for distinguishing there is a distinction between an agreement to never divorce versus the choice to walk away from a loveless marriage unhealthy marriage. Appreciate the distinction.
I agree with not internalizing others actions. I also recommend that all persons, male, or female, talk, tell someone, this is just going to get more intense, and I’m not ready to be the man that you deserve. Then, when he comes back, she will not be resentful.
True love requires flowing back and forth 🥹❤️
How did he get to this level of understanding? Understanding yourself is a God given gift. I am so thankful for this gentleman in sharing his gifts. Gives me hope in trusting my own intuition and forgiving myself to move into my own self/space.
Years of misaligned dating experience and coming to terms with the fact that WE are usually our biggest block between where we are and where we want to be in life, then doing the work on top of prayer is what gets us to understanding at this level. Really looking ourselves in the mirror and saying "wow, I need to do something different".
Very interesting 🧐. I have experienced this. One husband passed away and I truly felt no loss. The person I truly loved 🥰 had a massive heart attack and passed away and my heart jumped out of my chest.
This is so true, when you meet someone you actually like, all that common sense just goes right out the window. At least in my case it did
I'm learning so much from you both in this interview. As a gay male I have a good intuition as well but girls have always been my best friends, my family. I would not be here without the women in my life. Thanks a lot Lisa for what you are doing, this is amazing.
Communication is key so that both ppl can stay on the same page instead of having a situation where there is a miscommunication taking place.
Super!!!
Brilliant advice and this has totally shifted my mindset on a guy chasing. I don’t want a Co dependant or someone just after lust.
You are right Stephan; I had been i a relationship for 8 yrs knowing fully well is doom to fail due to my intuition, dream, feelings & so many red flag which all I ignored!!…I walked away after 8 yrs after I got drained!😢😢
Girl, 10 years. Felt all the same things but I always try to see the best in people. So hard to be proved wrong when you just want love to win.
@@MY-tt8li hi time we start loving ourselves more that someone else love us!!....we put so much energy into people loving us that we forget about ourselves or who we are!!!🥰🥰✌
Agreed on the situations where people are truly in love but not together because of fear and hurt
Brutha said it right! Once a woman gets hurt by said man, she makes the conscious decision that “This will NEVER 👎🏾 happen EVER again!” The man who burn her (me) makes it harder on the next because now the woman is quite cautious…🤔 I’m said woman and But it’s my fault I got hurt… because I allowed it because I gave my all to him. Dad said “stop giving boyfriends husband privileges!…”
And yet so many women keep putting themselves in situations where it *will* keep happening again. Repeatedly drawn to the same wrong type and the same toxic situations. Yet each time she thinks she has her guard up in the beginning.
And really, the same thing is true of men. They think that first heartbreak is a big eye opener, but instead of lesson learned, it’s lesson repeatedly failed.
He is either interested and will want to date her after approaching her without pulling back or he is not interested! Point blank period! That’s what Tony Gaskins says and I agree with him. Not that he is afraid and will want to pull away. Ok , gone about yo business and leave me alone then! I got things to do
I love how you explain the the differences between being blunt, asshole or compassionate and your responsibility in how to deliver a message. That’s very intelligent! A great learning!
A marriage proposal way too soon, before you get to know them and them get to know you is a red flag to me. Also if you say you, need something and he might listen, but will not hear you is another red flag. I am older and went through a nasty divorce after 27 years, have only been out 3 years, so I am not ready to be remarried. I am cautious and need to work on myself, I have said such and yet on the I need to have X and that is just not going to happen, speaks Volumes to me. We connected on many levels, but disconnect on vital levels. That is key to me.
Usually if it's instant connection it's a narcissist don't fall for it!
What do you mean?
Oh my god, what a great and really helpful conversation between you two! I am very, very grateful for that, it really helped me a lot. Thank you!!! 💜
I can never understand how people can keep getting together, being in a relationship, or marrying, when people truly do not know or understand or care about the other person. I think you have to have something that is true and real, not something contrived in any type of a way.
Yes. This. 💯
"It is easier to chase lust, than love." Great quote and unfortunately too relevant to the shitty times we live in. Love Stephen... smart, engaging and delicious to look at. I'm glad it doesn't matter anymore. Those days are part of the past and a heavy burden dropped off. Energy should be channeled into more worthy pursuits for the betterment of Nature and Humanity. Time has taught this valuable lesson.
Just get God involved in your relationship and life, and you'll have no problem!!!!
The father of my children left and doesn’t even want to show care towards his children. As I get extremely frustrated with his disgraceful actions, he calls me a Codependent !
My question is I’m I not supposed to expect his connection with our kids? Not supposed to except an explanation and closure?
How can women express her anger and disappointment without being labelled difficult or codependent?
He's a psychopath, what can anyone do? 🤷
Don't explain it to him. He's not your partner. Parent with him and move on. Explain your anger to a therapist, practice healthy communication skills and move on. Also, men hate when women move on. Your emotion is feeding his ego.
OMG I had to hear that (39:50) - THANK YOU Stephen for talking about being blunt true self and taking care of how the messages are being received by others! I need to learn how to remain being my true Self and do it with love! Thank you!!
Omg...the way this was broken down helped me tremendously. Many people have their own ideas of how it should be, however they are in their own way. I love this...good stuff♥️
Stephan. You are forgetting about narcissists. They love bomb and manipulate. We pour into them and reciprocate. This unfortunately is not rare. (1:05)
This interview was amazing, now my brain hurts so much information to dissect. What stood out to me is what do you want to experience in the moment instead of attaching all of these meanings to what it should be. Can we as humans just get to the point of having real conversations with each other and let that be the basis for the relationship to flow. Miscommunication always leads to us coming up with our own interpretations.
Michele Riley, I agreed wholeheartedly with you.
If only people would be authentic…
But, for many reasons, sooo many different reasons, people are not genuine. They do not own their thoughts, feelings, beliefs, desires, dreams…
In my opinion, they are sincerely betraying themselves. They are misrepresenting themselves because of fears, guilt, shame, etc. to get or keep something, someone. But, if you suppress your true self, you will not be truly content,
joyful, loving and at peace.
@@loriellen2726 Real good & I didn’t even come here intentionally. I woke & all of a sudden this was playing (auto-play).
@@GodsGenuineGrace Oh, so good!
So resonate with your comment 🙏🏻
@@njrosenj2206 (warm hug)🤗
Thank you for this, you always break down the facts and really make it a no brainer as to evaluating the situation.
I really loved this, great conversation. Helped me think differently and gave me a breath of fresh air. I’m a fan of you both!
This video needs to be viewed by EVERY MALE SEEKING PERSON. SO many golden nuggets for relationships! Thank you!
Stop internalising? Why can't men communicate effectively instead of giving mixed messages? Women aren't mind readers...
Yes!!..I was thinking that as well when he mentioned the guy who pulled back because he knew he wasn't ready...Just let the woman know!...Of course we are going to think all kinds of things, if we aren't told up front what is really going on. So, is he saying there should be no accountability on the man's part in those instances?...I'm sure that's not what he meant, but he should have expounded on that more.
🙌💖🙏
They're ready dear, very ready to just use you by manipulating you. Simple as that.
@@klaird_h4727 it's all just a game, they know exactly what they're doing
@@ivagreen11 ..Yes I agree, because at the end of the day when you tell a man something he doesn't want to hear- he is quick to tell you he is a grown man etc... So, if they really want you to know something they will tell you. I think it is very rare that pride, and embarrassment would get in the way- if they really want to be with a particular woman.🤔
What a great, honest, fun, nice, informational, inspired, open conversation and I love the (friendly) non-forced chemistry between you, makes it relaxing to listen to and absorb it more. Thank you for all this wisdom and all these point of views!