60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 15/33 - Negative and Critical
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- čas přidán 17. 06. 2021
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Many who have experienced Complex Trauma develop a negative and critical mindset, where they habitually find fault with almost everything. Why is that so? Is it a big deal? What can they do to change?
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Dude did an hour video on each of 60 aspects of Complex Trauma 😳 and people wonder why its so hard to heal... 💀💀💀
When really want something as bad as you want to breath you’ll see stuff like this and think it’s a treasure chest. If you’re not ready you’ll find an excuse. ❤
I don’t think there are enough years left for me to heal
@@CarolloriI feel the same
Healing is a CHOICE
Complex trauma is definately where I am. So glad I came across this wise fella. Let the journey 👣 on the road of healing begin 💟✝️☮️❤️❤️
My parents were both so angry. I feel so sorry for the sensitive, sweet natured child I was born. I became withdrawn and sarcastic and nihilistic like my father. It was almost constant negativity. I feel like I'm starting from zero to change my way if thinking. 😢
But, you ARE starting. You deserve to be kind to yourself. I was nasty to myself, until a wonderful therapist said" you're very mean to yourself"- you deserve kindness- nothing else"! She was so gentle and said it so authentically, that I've never forgotten it. I started to catch myself, when I'm beating up on myself, and it has helped me start to like myself, finally. I know I'm not perfect, and never will be, but I can like, and then love myself. I took some steps, and I feel better. Take Baby steps, and you'll see the wonderful results. Better late, than never, right?😊
@@elizabethy2912 I have ben able to change this for almost 2 years now, until I got into my apprenticeship. Then it started to become worse because all kinds of horrible things came up in my mind.
@@elizabethy2912when you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, how do you in that moment correct your thinking? when i catch myself thinking that way i just think “ i shouldn’t be thinking that” but it feels fake and forced.
@@Muck-qy2oo Yeah, but you have go into talking positively, like you would yourself as a little kid. Life happens and things aren't going to go perfectly, but you have to find a way to shrug off the goof- ups and give yourself the grace to screw- up. Other people screw up. So, can we, and be okay. It's not the end of the world. Maybe by getting a different perspective by that therapist, helped me to look at ALL my behaviors, and give grace. It feels so much better than beating up on myself- which made me feel horrible-pure misery. I hope you can give yourself grace in ALL circumstances. You're worth it!, just the way you are.
@@catsandd0gs605 Yeah. It did, but I found myself faking it until I started to believe it. It feels so much better than the old way. I've found it only gets better the more you practice this kindness thing to yourself. I wish the best to you, and to all the parts of you that may think they need to be beaten up on!!
CPTSD is devastating. It’s not narcissism but it looks like narcissism, it’s dying inside all the time. Throw in some judgmental religion, physical abuse, and being bullied in school you have entered hell, for life. It destroys relationships, and in the end you realize you’re perpetually alone with nothing but your feelings of abandonment. My life in a nutshell.
Mine too 😓😔
Same...
Same here. I’m grateful for Jesus in my life though and don’t know what I would do without Him.
Ditto 😢 gotta keep trying and fighting for healing tho ❤
looks like it somes all up I'm about to post and almost turn CZcams to Twitter. Thank you!
I agree it feels weird at first, transitioning to a healthier mindset. One therapist I truly admire always says- if being healthy means being corny, then be corny
corny is a great description, perfect word to use for how i feel trying to be positive. i notice as soon as i apply this change in mindset, the universe tries to shit-test me. most people are not content until they get a negative reaction. energy vampires everywhere. i can start my day with 100% patience levels but it is difficult to maintain that level until bedtime. all day long notice your interactions gradually declining in positivity.
Corny can get us by, but finding the reality in whatever positive experiences you’re going through can pay ALOT of dividends as time goes along, when inevitably we get stuck again.
The reason why it feels corny is because many of the people that are examples of this are only superficially so. People that might say "wow, that's so great" to a child's project, and then the same week might (censored) their mother for 5 seconds of pleasure, further disturbing their family life. You're not crazy, this culture is out of whack
But that's not an excuse to give up, certainly now, now that you're recovering and people are ready to hear the hard truth. You have to instead go deep into the positive, *agape* which is self sacrificing love. Not putting lipstick on a pig, but actually being ready to sacrifice for people. Your readiness will shine through.
Dr Kirk Honda 🖤🖤🖤
@@ShipFantastic yes!! 😭🩶
I grew up in a home where my mother was critical about everyone. Listening to the negativity on a daily basis definitely put a dark view on everyone who crossed my path.
Thank you for this. I now have a better understanding of this mindset.
The funny thing is even negative people don't want to be around negative people it's draining
I can relate to this.
My mom is the same way, I was never allowed to let my friends come in even to the garage without her freaking out telling me that my friends were after me and stuff, I never had any friend try to take advantage of me or her biggest fear “they will look at your sisters!!” That’s one ugly behavior of her that I didn’t want to have but the more I look at my life the more I think I have the same exact trait. It’s very sad bc that’s not who I think I am.
@@adl9705 we have to remember that the very fact that we're doing such painful work on ourselves, and seeing their flaws reflected in ourselves, is proof that although our character isn't always what we'd like, we want to be 'good' and not 'bad'. Otherwise, I find myself in a constant loop of rumination and negativity. Remember, we did whatever we did in our lives because we were submerged in this behaviour from the day we were born. That's a long time to be indoctrinated in critical, flawed and judgmental thinking, not to mention guilt and shame.
@@mizread so true!! thank you!
The SOB in my head rips on me, every thing I do, any mistake I make: 24 hours a day. Literally.
Been attacking me for decades.
I also catastrophise about what's to come like a pro.
@ROOKTABULA Which parent ridiculed you verbally?
It's the same for me. I even keep mental track of the things I did or didn't do in a day.
@@KatWoodland You mean: Which one rdiculed, beat, terrorized, mocked in public, hit in public, denigrated constantly from age 2 to 25 and then made 2 attempts on my life and stalked my spouse and I for 15 months when I was in my mid 30s? The POS who finally died 2 weeks: _"dad"._
@@cozypilgrim8530 I've gotten so bad that I've gone from running a business for decades as an entertainer, being an on call educator for the same 2 decades and having been a recording and gigging musician to a meatbag who is too scared to try anything.
it can take me weeks, months or years, literally, to open emails, wire up a piece of gear that needs a repair or even play guitar or a vid game because I'm so sure it'll go badly or that I'll fuhk it up.
@@KatWoodland I replied but the frigging uploader deleted my reply
We can readily trace 5 generations of trauma in my family... no doubt there are many more. Hugely sad. My psychologist once told me I had "unrelenting high standards"... though in me it's mostly of myself, not of others. But man is it hard, at 60, to still be dealing with this stuff... for my brain to **still** not feel safe, even in the loving household that I've created...😢
Empathy and respect must be taught
I hear your 💕
❤
😢 sorry to hear. We’re all out here just trying to love and be loved ❤️🥹
I won't feel safe in my coffin.
38:00 How Do We Heal, change?
1. Start With Mindfulness "chatch tourself becoming negative/critical." Stop yourself and choose to see the possitive.
A. ID the patterns
B. Choose to stop yourself "is dangerous not to”
C. Commit to focus on my issues
D. Work towards seeing others Accurately. Have somebody that you trust to help you learn to have a healthy assessment of people.
Tnx 👍🏻💕
And not a single person wants to admit “what if those views are correct”. This world isn’t great. You’re paying to live here while every other creature does so freely. You need a license to hunt to feed yourself. Name a wolf that has a up to date license. Wom3n are superficial yet want a man that makes 600k when they provide nothing? What’s the positive in that? 😂😂😂 you’re also the only creatures that have to buy affection. 😂
Problem is some of us don't have positives to look at. Being a short ugly guy is nothing to be happy about
This guy is really speaking to the hurt that so many people suffer from.
At 60 ish I’m still trying to get away from this from my childhood
💕
You are not the only one. Sometime one lifetime is not enough
❤
It gets better when you accept this truth: no one gets what they "deserve"
I walked away from family- after parents are gone. Holidays alone for several years. Reunited with one sibling and her family. I prayed and prayed for this...Thank you God.
I didn’t walk away as much as I was taken away. My younger sister was thankfully adopted and but I lost track of her for years until her 20’s. We eventually lived together as adults as well as some of my cousins. I felt so deprived of family as a child and it was the best feeling I’ve ever had in my life having that time with my family members.
Lmfao why you praying to an imaginary god for?
@@kool4209No need to be mean.
Not kool mane@@kool4209
My father was angry almost all the time and found fault with everyone, almost never himself. He was extremely critical of us. Total narcissist. I try not to be like him but some of it rubbed off on me. Thanks for this video. It makes a lot of sense.
Amazing how you Analyze with such compassion
I often don't feel like he's being very compassionate when he says it, but I'm willing to admit that what he says hurts because I feel called out :(
I noticed that too, there is so much compassion and love in his extremely accurate analysis of trauma! Love and understanding are the balance that are needed for healing...I hope his work reaches many many people.
You described my childhood. All of this so heartbreaking.
Embrace the heartache. That's what healing feels like.
@@jcepri 🙂
Why do I hate myself so much? I don't tell anyone, but I hate myself for all my bad choices.
Hating yourself for your bad choices is dealing with accepting and forgiveness. You must first accept what has happened, let it go and forgive yourself and do your best to move on. It's not going to be easy but it can be done. Always remember that we cannot change our past so another huge thing that you'll need to do is to start loving yourself. Be good to yourself and treat yourself well.
MAY THE GREAT SPIRIT BE WITH YOU ALWAYS
You are not your choices. Mistakes are made, and often enough, what we perceive as a choice, most of the time really isn't one. Especially choices made when anxious are often made heuristically (that is: you stick with the choice or one of the choices you made before) which isn't really choosing at all, see?
it can be really helpful to make it your mission --yes, to choose-- to change how you feel about the freedom of choice. You are likely to find that, as you realize more and more how little we do is based on choice, you also become less harsh to yourself.
You are not who you were. Who you were is what became who you are. Your choices today are the ones that matter, because now you have a choice to choose.
We live in a bit of a strange time, when we see people's past choices catch up with them very publicly. And we see people rush to pick up the first stone to judge them and punish them. Not that they shouldn't be, but that's why we have courts. One of the few sensible things in the bible are alledged words of JC, saying "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone". Meaning, of course, that none of them had the right to cast any stone at all, because we all make mistakes, we all sin, we all hurt people by mistake, ourselves by mistake, give in to our vices...
oh well, you didn't ask for this subreply therapy session so I'll get off it..
Don't find reasons not to hate.. find reasons to love!
It's sad how sick we are as a society. I'm glad this content exists to hopefully heal us all.
This man exposed my whole family 💀 I now understand their behavior
I always look at every situation from a standpoint of, I'm going to be taken advantage of, they're out to get me, I'm being screwed..... etc.
Today on Mother's Day, I recall my Mom being so pleased of the change in me. The changes you talked about cut off the path of hell.
That also comes from being an Empath and not knowing it from childhood. We pick up energy off others and often times it feels very directed at you. Therefore you always feel blamed for everyone else's unregulated emotions. This also contributes to CPTSD....this is why many are triggered to so many things they are triggered by a "feeling" they think others caused them.
Everyone reads other people’s emotions, attitudes, and feelings. Literally a universal thing. It is usually just called being a sensitive person. But you’re correct in the sense that the most sensitive people are the ones affected most by cptsd.
No such thing as an empath. A narcissistic label, an excuse to feel morally and emotionally superior
Empath is a label people use to make themselves morally and emotionally superior
@@augie5970 Triggered. There is no such thing as an empath. It's a narcissistic term that makes them feel morally and emotionally superior
It's a defense mechanism we can read people so well because it keeps us safe.
Boy, does this ever ring true. It's so subliminal. Unbelievable how accurate he is.
You don't know how much you are helping many current and future sufferers and not only them but also their friends and families
I remember as a 3 year old being chastised by my mom for wetting my bed. Even then, as a child, I was surprised to be punished for something I couldn't control. I currently have every symptom mentioned here. Worst thing is my brain defaults to this thinking. Thou Im working very hard to change
I pray that you continue to make these videos. I have watched several of your videos and they have helped me so much. Your are exactly right on everything!!! I absolutely love the Christian piece.
Lmfao you christains need to reevaluate your lives.
Ephesians 6:5-8
New International Version
5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ. 6 Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but as slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. 7 Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people, 8 because you know that the Lord will reward each one for whatever good they do, whether they are slave or free.
Where were these video's 40 years ago? I'm the poster boy for these video's. I've been lucky that I've been able to heal and now I have a great life. People are so lucky they can get this kind of help easier to help their lives.
Exactly! 👌🙏
How’d you heal?
@@charlie64x2 I worked hard so I could have freedom to move on from toxic people. STEM helped focus my brain in my younger days. In my early 50's I was able to come to terms with my childhood and finally relax. Reading papers about the effects on a Childs brain from childhood abuse also helped me realize that it wasn't my fault. If you work on it you can look forward to a care free life in your retirement years. I didn't bring children into this awful world and that gives me a sense of peace.
Wow! You speak to my heart. To the heart of the abused child as well as confused adult. Glad I stumbled upon you. Have made a note. Tim Fletcher. ❤ and a Christian too! This is just wonderful. Exactly what my spirit needs.. Resonating beautifully
One of the BEST narrators bar none! ❤📖❤
Thank you!😊
Im not sure how this ended up on my for you stuff but CBT helps. I figured this out years ago. I now complain for a day or two then I find a reason to laugh at the crap that happens or goes wrong. Don't dwell on BS and laugh at it. Life gets better when you learn to laugh at crap you can't control. Also avoid all undue drama.
I thought I was negative and critical, but then I found out I was right and now I wish I was wrong.
My mom was always looking for danger she always thought people were potential creeps etc. having radar is good but assuming everyone is probably not right was confusing for a kid
Idk in today’s society, more often than not, they are.
That looks so much like my mother and me. I always look at my failures and I am incapable of seeing positive things in what I do or did. I can not relate to something like success or right things I did. I can only see the bad stuff and I always tried to become better until I got to exhausted with this.
Oh my goodness! This is profoundly relatable. Being that I'm in the early stages of therapy for complex trauma, this found me at the perfect time. I'm 44 this year and battled with myself all these years after being a victim of SA in my teens. As well as difficulties in my relationship with my parents I've struggled so much.
Hearing this hits so much.
You are not alone!❤
This is spot on. I can feel the negativity and being critical in me but was raised that feeling that way was morally wrong so for me it feels like a shame sandwich.
Shame sandwich!
yes! well said! So we get negative about how negative we are lol.
Ugh, it's so brutal.
❤ God Bless ❤❤
Please be kind to yourselves and treat others like human beings too. Because that's what we all are. We are the ones who ultimately choose what we think about ourselves. And remain firm as a rock with those who do not yet know their worth and what they are.
I struggle to see things any other way. Where I come from, being negative was "smart". If you were any other way than negative, you were a fool and a phony.
I'm not sure how to break free from this in any authentic manner, but I'm trying.
maybe ask is this helping me or hurting me ❤
@@tulinbeyduz920 great advice. Thanks!
♥
@@billyb4790 welcome 🙏
Irrational patterns operate independently of rationality…?
I want to state categorically that I strongly disagree with the association between CPTSD and constant negativity towards others. I see more cases of inner negativity and serious self doubt combined with a collapse in self belief systems.
My daughter told me recently that the damage my mother did has trickled down to her. That makes me very sad. I tried very hard to prevent that, but apparently I didn’t succeed.
How good that she was able to let you know how something has affected her. These things are so difficult to talk about. Good on you for creating a safe space and being a safe person for your daughter to share her pain
The damage my gramma's emotional abuse of my mom and her sisters also trickled down to me, BUT my mom DID succeed. She is loving and not abusive. She is 'only' neurotic. She fought and fought to not do all the horrible things my gramma did. Mom thinks we're people and we're allowed to feel however we feel. She NEVER played the 'start fights just to have drama and argue in circles for hours' game. She made sure we had locks on our bedroom doors and let our bedrooms be our safe space---as opposed to gramma who would follow you screaming through the house and even out into the street at 3am in the morning at least twice a week.
(I think gramma had some weird combo of histrionic/borderline disorder).
I look at what my mom came from and I think she's a G.D. SuperHero❤
Because of her, I got a better launch at emotional intelligence. It's like she climbed 2/3rds of the mountain so I had a chance to get to the summit---there's still cliffs I need to climb but I'm in a much better place than I would be otherwise. I only had to deal with my mom's neurotic anxieties that I thought were 'reasonable and obvious logic' growing up. Seriously, I'm on easy mode.
I feel you were talking directly to me today...and here I thought I was in a better place with healing, however, I see I'm damaged beyond my capabilities and my tools I need I don't have
This one really stung me as well. I felt totally called out. The good news is we can heal and those tools can be acquired. It might take some time and a lot of work but it can be done. In just 4 months I've really come a long way. I can't wait to see myself in 2 years :)
Learning about mirror neurons. Careful what we watch online. Add that to what he's saying here
We must learn on the journey. I know it feels heart breaking at times. I know it feels overwhelming and that no one cares.
Cptsd is a painful experience. we are in healing mode.
All I can offer is that when we are depressed, tired of carrying regrets, our body is in a posture like eyeore (Winnie the Pooh lol) stand proud hands on hips.. behind head..
Tony Robbins talks about changing our state. Think of things that we Are proud of even Something small and what feels exciting even a bike ride or a warm meal.. expand on that state change physiology
changes emotions and actions.
Seeing traits I picked up along the way from a lot of narcy abuse, sometimes feel you have to become it in this system.. isolating avoiding inner confusion yuck! Changing state and having mentors like listening to Tony and not too much on labelling ourselves (bc it feels like how the heck do I change what’s become ‘normal’),
helps to ‘overcome’ my negativity doing his priming exercise on you tube almost daily.. we are progressing adding little ‘good’ habits till it becomes who we Are.
Even writing down the neggy things I say in my head day to day. Realising that dialogue isn’t helping me to level up out of the past or be who I desire to be.
You do have the tools , look deeper.
man. tim. you are just exposing my every shhtty part.
i'll persevere.
😂❤🎯 me too!
Yes, it sure does do a lot of damage to children growing up with a negative and critical parent. That’s why I never feel good enough. Not enough validation and an environment of emotional unsafety will definitely have a detrimental effect on a persons mental health and self esteem when they are raised in this way, i am a prime example.
I agree, it’s incredibly sad, especially since so many go on to hurt their own children, and on and on it all goes.❤
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
♥
I'm afraid I am also.
The fact that he can speak on something about complex truama and take the whole concept and pick it out from the Bible is really astounding.
This is truly awesome. ❤❤❤
It could be any religious group... It could be the Quran or the Torah, it could be any of them. The Bible is not the only religious document in the world... There are plenty of religions to choose from. It is easy to stand at a point of self-righteous morality no matter which one you should choose.
@@jllbruce11you sound like you are prejudiced to Christianity because you attack the second someone mentions Bible.
@@CATAZTR0PHEjust stating a fact. There was no attack in my statement.
@@jllbruce11 your prejudice is visible so I've just pointed that out 🤷🏻♀️
This explains me and my life. It is brutal and difficult to have everything thrown at me all at once. But I am glad I found it. I searched for this for 30 years. I got bits and pieces here and there from dozens of books, many therapists, meditation, even hypnosis and Ayahuasca ceremonies. Nothing like this. As loving, spiritual , self conscious and caring as I became in this journey, I am still afraid I passed some of it on to my daughter.
My mother acts like this & she is always acts like the victim and blames everyone else and doesn't take responsibility for what she does. She is always puts me down, and she is always complaining all the time. She is negative.
Same 🤦
What kinds of things does she complain about?
Do you do as you are told, yet she complains regardless?
In this current day, never allow sociopaths and psychopaths to gaslight you into silence or into smiling like a Manchurian candidate, if or when you notice their negative deeds or the actual unsafe nature of your current environment. Maslow's hierarchy of needs requires you to be situationally aware and act accordingly as a foundational requirement before you can build anything else upon it.... Once you are in better safer circumstances, (which may require significant time to get there...blighted zone, abusive caretakers/family, famine, drugs, gangs, war, etc...) then you can take in your newer safer stable surroundings to hopefully de-stress and recharge your batteries...because you can't remain at a 10 on "red alert" forever....lol.
1. Proper balanced situational awareness
2. Seek and attain a truly safe and secure environment.
3. Maintain balance. Noticing danger and red flags isn't you malfunctioning...but staying 24/7 on high alert in a bad situation will drain your batteries.
4.Getting to safety may take time...years and years. Don't let anyone unfamiliar with your level of experienced violence lecture or guilt you into....blind, dangerous, ignorance/learned helplessness...even if they have several degrees, titles or Ferraris in their garages. You can only heal and progress when you are truly in a solid stable safe environment with solid stable safe people.
5. Work to insure your situational awareness sensors are working properly (balanced), then trust yourself. God bless.✌️
I found myself becoming reclusive, cyclical, and angry the older I got. And would get so concerned that I need to get committed. I used to be a huggy person, never met a stranger type. I isolate. And so self critical. I have a hard time hugging my own kids.
Since my early childhood I felt deeply ashamed to play sports, especially Football ⚽ so that the only goal was not to mess it up, do things right and get out of the match asap before a mistake led to humiliation. I was also bullied, I was chubby. I never got to enjoy an activity in a free way, the shame was always the big monster round the corner. My emotional absent mother and my alcoholic father helped a lot. I would return from school every evening to cry my heart out on my bed, a thing my mother never noticed. My failures as a teenager led to my solitary existence till today almost 42 y/o. I'm struggling with loneliness more than ever before. Though I made certain achievements, the feeling is always the same: I'm not good enough. Failed as an English teacher. Failed in the Company. Failed at the shop I inherited. Failed at love miserably.
Hi.. im 40 and in your same position. My life is failure after failure, struggling with mental health at a young age, but nobody cared, and I wasn't diagnosed with depression and AD. My family started to rot inside when I was 11, but from the outside, everything's had to look normal, so a child being manifesting the problem was unacceptable, it was as though I was trained to tell psychologists that the cause of every bad was me. I strongly believed this.. I couldn't even remember the abuse I got, so i started to write it down. But. I couldn't even believe my writings.. I locked myself in a house for decades, unable to study, pursuing a career, finding a job, finding love.. at 30 as I started to go out of the shell, life was horribly cruel to me.. like, I was a joke.. And finally I had an incident which could take my life, instead I remembered all the abuse I got in my life. It didn't make me less miserable. I still feel paralyzed by thoughts of being wrong in anything I do. My mother and father are still my bullies. But I'm here, I'm alive, I'm myself. I take your hand in my hands. Thank you, I am less lonely because of you!❤❤
@@ipercalisse579 love it
Great video. I used to lie to my dad constantly and now I know why. He was a pretty scary guy to be judged by. He put me in on therapy for my "lying problem." If only he'd gone to therapy instead... Good grief 😔
I cannot state strongly enough how much this video has helped me. Thank you for this.
I can't belive the process of traumatizing a child who then becomes the negative energy wampire themself can be explained so systematically. Btw I relate to all comments saying it's like Tim speaks directly to them.
So thankful youtube recommended me this series. Praise God! Good luck to everyone on their healing journey ❤
Thank you, immensely, for separating the therapy approach to the topic and the Christian approach to the topic.
I LOVE your videos, they have brought so much clarity and insight. Which has helped me make some small but significant changes in the way i talk to myself and my daughter.
I once asked a Psychologist in a group therapy session whether there is any coverage of the supernatural in the syllabus they study at college. She said no, and I think thats a fault in our education system.
In the road less travelled I find comfort in that Dr M. Scott Peck , considers this as a very bold theme through out his book and how he approached his work.
It seems that healing is definitely a medical/physical , Psychological, Emotional and Spiritual endevour and there doesnt seem like you can discount any of these aspects.
As a result im more comfortable when I know that the therapist attending to my healing believes in God, coz otherwise we end up going in circles. Its no wonder to me that the 12 stepts work. Look at what is the common theme in all of them? Yes ,you get it.
My job as an inspector is to find fault., point out what’s wrong., be critical., Yikes..,
Turn off that mindset when you get home to your family. !
Tim, you are a blessing. With every "Welcome To Another Friday Night", I learn so much about myself. Things I do, but never understood why. So many years of counseling and you have helped me 10x more, and for free. All your videos are gems.
Some people simply need a break. Some people are dumped on with way more problems than others. Many of these bad traits that manifest are variable and temporary.
Only a fool says.,
“Everyone has problems”
Or
“Everyone is busy”
This ignores the wildly disparate troubles which befall people.
About a minute into this i realized this guy is talking about me. my whole family for that matter.
You described and explained three generations back in me life and my last 30 years of life, appreciate your honest and clear explanation, I see now 🌻
Here we have a light sword held to excise the incredible garbage of human confusion cruelty ugliness insanity etc…just beautiful, a very rare and powerful gift. This is goodness
@16:21 u hit the nail right on its head! By being a pastor i think u must relate to this as well... i spent yearsss trying to please my freaking priest. He was overly critical of everything, to the smallest details.. i felt soo tensed around him like i was so scared of him.. what he said affected almost EVERY part of my life.. until i stopped giving him that power and realized man got his own issues :/ i pray for him tho but like fr he was too much!!😩😩
Tim really connects the dots...through with an understandable delivery.
Thank you.
Don't listen to the haters. Ur videos really helped me.
Tim is a Genius! This is what I've been trying to find.
100 % I would not have made some of these connections
I, too, was rather fascinated at how accurately this man was describing my tendencies. Though, I suspect most or all people experience this to varying degrees.
My only question now is what to do about it. Any ideas 💡 ??
There’s so much talk about complex trauma that it has become overwhelmingly complicated to the point where you just lose any interest in it. What bothers me more than anything else, is that they talk about trauma ad nauseam, but I have yet to hear from psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists about the direct means by which a person can free himself or herself from trauma. For the love of God, what are the direct psychotherapeutic means by which a person can liberate trauma? And if a person has trauma, say, from childhood abuse, and another person gets it from a car accident, since they are both trauma, why shouldn’t there be a psychotherapeutic method that addresses trauma regardless of its origins? Apparently, Pastor Fletcher developed a list of 60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma. Really??! OK, and what has he developed in order to free oneself from trauma? Does he know what it means to be a wounded healer? Does he know what legitimate suffering means? I’m almost sure he doesn’t know either one because he’s never experienced it. I’m sick and tired of hearing mental health providers and pastors talk about all manner of suffering yet say nothing about how to heal it. For Christ sake, where are the Carl Jung’s and Freud’s of today? Why is it taking so long to address trauma? What makes us think that we cannot free ourselves from trauma? Mental health providers are stuck with their own retrograde psychological theories that simply don’t work. In fact, it’s making people suffer even more than they already are. Another thing that upsets me is that whenever you see a therapist, the onus is on you for having trauma yet nothing is said about the social-economic and political world we live in that causes trauma. They regard these forces as a difference that makes no difference when in reality it makes all the difference. You cannot develop your emotional, psychological, and spiritual potential if you’re living in a sick society. If the vast majority of people knew just how bad it really is, they would be mad as hell about and create movement so large, it would make the civil rights movement pale by comparison. Needless to say, I’m not hopeful towards the future. if we don’t deal with the dark side of capitalism, politics, religion, families, and find the means to develop our full, creative potential, the future of humanity looks quite grim.
You could read “the body keeps the score” a book by Bessel Van Der Kolk in which he explains the impact of trauma on body and also suggest different techniques on how to approach the journey of healing. He states clearly that in order to heal trauma you have to work on your body, mind and soul together. Dancing, practicing yoga (or Thai chi, capoeira…), journaling, taking care of an animal… very useful and insightful
Another book that helped me deeply was You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, with a more holistic approach
Sounds like u have alot of trauma and lack of accountability on how your attitude contributes to that.
You are so right about the disenfranchisement of human beings in our society. This is where our dysfunctional families behaviors stem from and social workers do understand this and don’t judge like so many other professionals do. We still have to own our potential within the circumstances … faith and resilience…. Social workers work with those as the greatest resources in ANY circumstances 😘
I do most of what he said. I have a diagnosis of level 1 ASD from 2022, but I think it’s a misdiagnosis. I think I have something else instead. This video is validation as to why I think I have complex trauma. One of my internship supervisors told me that I couldn’t have complex trauma because what I lived through isn’t severe enough and it felt so invalidating and she’s not even a mental health professional. Listening to this video was very validating. Thank you. ✨
Complex is ongoing and the deficiencies that are ongoing are severe… that person who told you it wasn’t severe is very likely someone with unresolved issues themselves.
My inner voice is not cruel. It's my materialistic, ego tripping, prideful outer voice that is causing the problem. Let your conscience be your guide!
So are you distracting yourself.....
@@wertschaetzungs.boosterI am not distracted. I am completely focused. Those who do not discipline, instruct and correct others when they are in error, do not love or respect them. Love must be tougher and stronger than the worldly forces that corrupt a soul. Some think this is a meanness (your inner voice!?), but it is really just tough love. Speak the Truth with Love (even though it gets you crucified) is a Scriptural mandate.
Interesting. In a good way.
I've never felt more understood in my life!
My mother outlawed laughter in our house! I think she imagined it was at her. 😢 such a sad prison i grew up in.
What a shame. I'm sorry 😢
I know we are supposed to have empathy because we don't know what they went through as children but it's very difficult
Ive never heard anyone descrnd my family so accurately described
I've had a lot of trauma. My dad however is exactly like the negative person explained here. It's like the whole world is ending. The drought in the 80s that never came but we had to shut the water off in between washing etc... Sometimes it was worse than others if I don't placate him he'll throw a tantrum . Always a victim.
Ohhh i am soooooo ready to be HEALED FOREVERMORE
This has been very helpful to me I only wish I would have known it long ago. Life could've been so much better.
However the good news is that I know it now so life from here on can be so full of potential. It's heartwarming to know it's not too late to be what I could have been.
I deeply appreciate all your efforts to make these videos ❤
I find I am hyper critical against myself. I only blame myself….a lot.
Me too
i am so glad i got therapy.. I am able to see the bright side and push back those pessimistic thoughts unless i am truly feeling it. I still have a lot to work on but this video was so validating 😊
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Germany. Really need
Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
This is such a blessing.
Brilliant lay-out, a cptsd masterclass
I have to wonder if therapist clinicians get this level of training. Based on the ones I've seen I would guess no
This was so hard to listen to. I feel such a bad person. It’s taken me a lifetime to begin to try and understand what’s going on in my personality.
"It is my fault" means that I'm the origin, which means that I'm in control. Shame is a control mechanism, with the intent to experience security.
This needs to be taken into account in any attempt to heal.
Losing shame means losing perceived security. It's an identity loss. And if you believe that you are the identity, its loss is an existential threat.
You need to handle all these aspects in order to successfully heal shame or trauma.
Trauma gives identity, and thus (perceived) security. Removing trauma means removing identity, which means removing (perceived) security.
If you are not careful, the attempt to heal trauma can easily become violent. You need to endure identity loss without getting lost yourself. So you need to know that you are not that identity, even if there are still strong inclinations to do so.
If the client believes to be those structures, removing these structures is an existential threat. And it's healthy to defend against an existential threat. But this defense means more unhealthy structures. To just pretend that it isn't an existential threat is dissociation, or another breach of integrity boundaries.
The client likely will oscillate between several states for a while. A meta level is needed: the awareness that these structures are not all there is.
One thing that helps in this is to acknowledge that these structures mean well, but simply don't suffice. Maybe they were the best the child could come up with back then, but now you know better.
There needs to be awareness of the meta levels in order to successfully heal trauma.
I am startimg to heal with your lectures
Thank you
I’ve listened to so many other vids from you - but this one is the most powerful even for just understanding others
Thank you for the information. I pray for myself, I came from a very toxic family, my mind and emotions are all messed up man, I try to ask Jesus to help and heal me one day at a time. My emotions are damage, my soul feels so damage as well as my mind. Because of my toxic childhood. Please anyone that believe in Jesus Christ pray for me.
Jesus won't save you.
Thanks
Praying for hope for us all!!
You are so good , I have learned over the years to change my self belief after having a traumatic childhood but every thing you are saying is like a booster to my beliefs because you can so easily slip back. Into the negative subconscious beliefs I have just found you but l will be listening to you a lot from now on Thankyou so much
22:00 If someone disagrees with me, I used to immediately give in to their idea or perspective, like theirs mattered more than mine. I'm aware of this now, so I just let both of our perspectives or ideas sit out there as equals.
Man. Negative and critical and super sarcastic. That’s been me Since I was a teen. I watched this and realized what an asshole and downer I am to many people in my life.
I knew change was hard, and people always defaulted to not changing. Tim explains the mechanism.
Yeah, I have been listening to this for 17 minutes and you said all and only negative attributes of broken people. I was triggered and left. Thanks for you negative comments!!!😢
I had one serious inner critic, fairly sure who it was, and a second inner coach who pushes me to better performance. The second voice is mine.
♥
Wow so much to learn and work on so much knowledge
THIS has been a really good topic for me.
It addresses a lot of unanswered questions I have been wrestling with for years.
Thank you, Tim👍🙏
Hope is a great antidote.
wow I am so blown away at how clearly Tim explains everything my life makes so much more sense now. thank you :)
thank you for all that you do. May God bless you.
Thank you so much Sir, for these incredibly informative videos. God bless you.
Incredible insight
This is way too accurate. Thank you so much for doing a full hour of this! You truly are helping so many people to heal. Bless you!❤
Thank you for the clarity of your analysis. Thank you for addressing the belief system which prevented me going deeper before my therapy. Thank you for the sense of integration, of wholeness, of oneness. ❤
New to your videos and I am so impressed. Clearly explained and with a positive spin of how to heal. I am not religious and I really appreciate how you are separating out that part so I can choose to stop. Thank you.
On The Point as Usual.
BIG THANKS ❤ TIM
I grew up with both of my parents being Narcissists