German Honesty: Why You Should Never Ask "How Are You?" | Your Inner German
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- čas přidán 22. 05. 2024
- Germans are direct and honest - some might say, perhaps a little too honest! Whenever they're asked the simple question "How are you?", they won't hesitate to tell the painful truth. Euromaxx reporter Josephine Günther takes a closer look at these kinds of situations - and is constantly confronted with her own "inner German", both an angel and a devil! She judges everything according to stereotypical German standards and has plenty to complain about. So, just how typically German is typically German?
When are you honest - and when would you rather lie? Let us know in the comments!
CHAPTERS
00:00 Intro
00:41 At lunch
02:13 Small talk
03:30 At work
04:51 Outro
#Germany #GermanVirtues #Honesty
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CREDITS
Host: Josephine Günther
Report: Shaheen Welling
Camera: Marco Borowski
Edit: Florian Mettke
Supervising Editor: Mirja Viehweger
Special thanks to Ahoy Berlin
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I found myself agreeing with your “inner German” with one caveat: There are better and more professional ways to be direct with work colleagues.
“…you should have sent me the document by now…When will I get it…” becomes, “That document is needed currently in order to meet our timelines. When can I expect it?”
That’s called being professional. The first statement was rude
DUTCHIES: hold our HEINEKEN 🥃
The new strategy of Germans to wash their rudeness is to market it as honestly! Hahaha these Germans are insane!
To me when a German shares things with me and is not superficial I feel valued and trusted. Also criticism never seems to be pointless or spiteful but rooted in the idea you can do better.
Dutchies: hold our HEINEKEN 🥃
I love the honesty and directness, I have always enjoyed working with Germans. I dont like polite hypocrates.
The honesty and directness can be refreshing!
Yes It is, atleast i am not being fooled.
Dutchies: hold our HEINEKEN 🥃
The new strategy of Germans to wash their rudeness is to market it as honestly! Hahaha these Germans are insane!
@@dweuromaxxThe new strategy of Germans to wash their rudeness is to market it as honestly! Hahaha these Germans are insane!
I worry about upsetting anyone with this, but I'm autistic and I felt very at home in Germany when I visited. I spend much of my time trying to navigate social niceties where what is said is said on autoresponse. I really DO see being honest as helping someone improve. Being able to communicate and EXPECT honesty from the other person was a gift. It took a major weight off my back. I can't wait to go back and not make smalltalk one day.
Those of us with German mothers didn't appreciate the honesty during childhood. Today, our therapists appreciate the honesty as we visit them frequently. 😊
You must of been a very skinny child....🙃
😂
Dutchies : hold our HEINEKEN 🥃
My dad's honesty embarrassed me as a teen... And there's still times now, he's 80, that I'm cringing for the stranger he's been honest with😂
@@roadlesstraveled34 Kinda sad when lies are the norm and you can't actually be authentic and truthful.
This honesty is so good and efficient. Germans have many good traits
The new strategy of Germans to wash their rudeness is to market it as honestly! Hahaha these Germans are insane!
I am a Brazilian with German descent. In Brazil, when people ask "how are you?" they are usually just being polite and making contact, and not expecting a more precise answer, but with my German background I sometimes was compelled to be truthful in my answer, what could be embarrassing 😂
I have friends that I like a lot, I ask them "how are you" and they will truthfully answer, even being Americans, because they know I care and ask it for a reason. I don't ask strangers "how are you" as a greeting, because it is not a greeting, I can't stand this stupid "Oh I'm good, how about you?" because instead of one lie, you are forced to do 2 lies. Normally you can't trust people that lie to your face, that is just a basic fact. So I say "hi" or "hello", works much better.
As an American accused of everything from rudeness to Aspergers in my quest for efficiency and truth, all I can say is 'thank you'!😄😍
Working as a German teacher I often do get the question if Germans are really so direct :D To be honest, I am myself a very direct person and I know a lot of other Germans who are also quite direct, but of course there are also Germans who are not direct at all. In general I believe that it has a lot to do with cultural norms. I guess in Germany a lot of people see being direct as a way of honesty and respect. At the same time this honesty can sometimes be a bit difficult to deal with especially when people give very direct criticism.
How do you see it?
Dutchies: hold our HEINEKEN 🥃
Oh, there are certainly ways to be more friendly and still be clear. 😅
❤❤❤❤❤
I’ve lived 10 years in Germany and now I’m in Switzerland and they don’t like my directness 😢
Interesting... have you had to adjust?
@@dweuromaxx yes, but I’m used it now 😊
Hängst du denn auch überall ein "li" dran? Das hilft vielleicht 😂
@@arnodobler1096 🤣
I do it and it has been a cultural issue in Ireland and the USA.
Amazing actor work ❤
🤣 thank you!
In Canadian culture we are polite and often “too nice” and not always honest. I can appreciate directness.
i wish people were a bit more like that in portugal! i find myself needing to apologize for asking people to do their jobs.... :/
So German honesty needs to go a little international 😜
Well, I am not German but I find it obvious if the food does not taste good, you should say it so politely. If someone asks you how are you, maybe you should not tell them your whole life, but you should not also fake it and say things are fabulous, you can just say things are OK. Nothing rude at all, it is all about how you say things and not what you say.
It's all about finding that balance: being honest without being rude.
@@dweuromaxxThe new strategy of Germans to wash their rudeness is to market it as honestly! Hahaha these Germans are insane!
I'll see you soon...??
Ahhh... I'll let you know... 😂😂
I do prefer the Direct and honest approach though. It stings for a minute and one can improve things. Much better than festering lies for a long time and encouraging undesirable things in the name of politeness.
When the wife asks "Does this dress make me look fat?", how does a German reply? :-)
Tell her that it is not the dress....
you may also try running if she has no sense of humor.
In that case it might help to find a better one and exchange it, or the woman is resilient and says : it doesn't matter if you like it or not, I love it and wear it. Thats honesty. Thats how Germans handle that question . A lie is not helping.
Fat = beauty? 😮
Well my husband is no ta Gerrman, but he will always honestly tell if something fits me or not. Sometimes though I have to admit it can be annoying.😅
They would say: next one please. 😂
It's a bit of an issue - especially since I moved to Missouri. It isn't the deep US South, but folks still generally expect a bit more bush beating at the very least. I had some very rocky co-worker interactions because of my lack of pretense (or my lack of social skills, or both....)
There's a reason they're called co-irkers. 😜
...snd it is s good characteristic to be honest. Also a fast way to find true friends and to know who is one ore not worth your time. Stay honest. Pretending is mostly not worth it. And good people will find to value you higher over time.
Well it is Missouri you moved to! That's tRumpy area, they wouldn't know the truth even after mountains of evidence to the contrary!! Lol
Sad really😢
I am from Brazil. In my country, being too direct is considered rude.
I fear this could be a multiple part series... As my inner non-German has hinted...
It is...Don't be afraid-😁
Is "Faust" an interesting book to read or an instructional guide? 😮
I am 100% direct and blunt at work and at home; restaurants somewhat less so honestly.
However that DOES lead to some serious issues here in the US ....
What kind of issues?
All the German people I have met were fairly lovely, even if they were direct/honest to me. You can be honest without hurting people's feeling.
Spot on!!! I hardly bother to lie anymore, it's also about growing self-confidence as one grows older. Sad most people aren't more polite though while being honest! Ppl don't care about what others think that much, or don't take the effects into consideration.And yes, cheating and destroying long-term relationships is now a pastime here too, like it already was in Scandinavia decades ago 🥴
Super
The thing with “how are you” and the detailed answer is not true everywhere in Germany. Here in North Rhine-Westphalia, for example, there are extreme differences: if you ask a Rhinelander "how are you" he usually answers "fine (juut)", if you ask a Westphalian he takes a deep breath and starts to give an all-encompassing answer!
Honesty and directness is also interpreted as a lack of tact in many cultures.
Very helpful and constructive. Except the cheating part.
Thanks for watching!
Sometimes too honest to the point of being perceived as rude. If you just arrived in Germany, you'll get used to it folks!
Did you experience this in Germany?
@@dweuromaxx yes, several times per week. It might be cultural differences.
Bist du schwindelfrei?
Ja, ich lüge nur in Notfällen!
As am Irish guy living in Germany.. this notion of Direct honesty is absolute B.S.
What has been your experience?
You know, living in the USA and being originally from Germany, I always perceived Americans to be even more direct and outspoken, because it was originally a frontier country, really tough to survive and I have seen examples of where Americans will actually think you are false and dishonest when you are polite about something that they would expect you telling the truth. Diplomacy and being polite can be seen as being two faced. Politeness and not telling the truth in order not to upset somebody is called "saving face" in asia and if very important to keep, as open conflict is extremely disruptive in societies that have a high population density. In America, you have a ton of space and when somebody insults you or you don't get along them them, you have plenty of space to avoid them. So Germany being more direct kinda does not make any sense. Is it maybe an issue of generations? That today many Americans are "snowflakes", over sensitive and can't take anything negative anymore? This was predicted in the great movie Demolition Man, where people become so "weak" that they can't even tolerate body contact and instead of high fives or shaking hands, they just over their hands a few centimeters away from the other person for a greeting. Also euphemisms have been taking over, instead of somebody dying, you call it "he passed on" or crash or collision is called "making contact" which means absolutely nothing (because ambiguous and therefore meaning 6 different things, all not what you associate with a crash)
Look for george carlin euphemisms on youtube and you will see what I mean, it makes words soft and meaningless, instead of just saying what actually happened.
I like it - but sadly it does not resonate well in the USA workplace
Honesty makes perfect sense to me 😀 but then I am a hard German, don't ask me what I think you most likely get an answer you don't like, I won't tell you I like something that I don't like
approved!
i've been in Hamburg 4 years now, i REALLY appreciate German honesty, directness, and punctuality!
Has it gotten you into any trouble?
@@dweuromaxx on the contrary, i find the honesty & directness ensures not having to second guess one's feelings or motives, i never have to wonder... as an artist (musician, writer, cartoonist; album coming out soon), i must always be honest in my work & life, and it is refreshing to see a peoples that appreciate honesty, directness & not beating around the bush!
@@dweuromaxx not really, my daughter didn't get it for a long time but my son understands it really well and ignores it, I have a friend for over 40 years and she understands it as well and doesn't get her feelings hurt, most people like the truth
Then why everybody was shocked when I said that my chemotherapy sucked....😅
Entwaffnende Ehrlichkeit 🤔
But honestly, we're sorry to hear that. All the best!
You can easily see the empathic people and the ones that really don't care, by how they react. You can also find out if somebody is incredibly shallow and superficial.
It is kinda insane and stupid to ask as question "how are you" and expect a totally predictable answer that never changes, even if it is wrong, what it the point of it then? Just save the time and don't ever use it. How crazy is it to ask a question and then not want an answer to it?
👍
Everything about this series is great EXCEPT that they speak way too much English. To the camera would be fine, but the conversation “scenes” should be kept in German and subtitled. It’s odd.
Und ich wollte damit nur ehrlich sein!
Thanks for the feedback!
This is universal across all DW productions outside of Germany. Any interesting program containing interviews with someone speaking a language other than English (even German) are always mouthed over so you can't even hear the original - extremely annoying. Maybe its a secret American plot to make the whole world monolingual...
I appreciate honesty, but there’s a line you can cross to being rude. To quote a singer: “So casually cruel, in the name of being honest.
That quote… if you know you know 😊
Politness is a way of showings respect in social interactions. And honesty is also a way of showing respect in social interactions for Germans.
Having German genetics from my origin, I still struggle coping up with direct speech which is regarded as rude by the Asians.😢 But as my grandpa says, being honest is the best rather sugarcoating!
American/Germans do the same thing except even more so. Another quality that came over on the Mayflower 😂
Maybe this kind of workplace honesty is mostly true with co-workers, but with supervisors and company executives? I very much doubt it.
If the boss is smart, yes!
Oh yes, we are very direct with our bosses and don't worry brushing an elbow with them. After all we work towards a common goal. And our laws secure our workplace. I have many a good sparring games where my boss and I disagree. We still value each other's position and learn.
@@kailasac6532 Then consider yourself lucky. I still do not believe that what you describe is the norm throughout Germany.
So why are one of the first German sentences you learn, "Wie geht es dir?" or "Wie Geht's?"? 😂
Probably bc thats what you say in English . But I think she meant , if you do not want truly to know how some one is doing, do not ask a German . A German assumes you are interested to know how he/she is truly doing. In Germany we ask this question, but it is meant also to know and to listen, unless this rude shown behavior by her (making ugly faces, bc she does not know the German rules and is disrespecting) here in the video ❗️. Unlike in some other cultures. I consider Germans as nice and helpful. Had a ton of very good experiences there. A friend is a friend and not a pretend.
Simply say "Tag" and you'd be fine :)
Just like "How do you do", respond in kind. I remember once working in f&b how a young Ami responded to my Guten Tag by asking me how my day was going. I was completely caught off-guard as I hadn't expected any verbal interaction, except for him asking for a table. My stutters made him wonder. Very awkward. All these extra sentences the Americans use.😅
Why would I ever ask unknown people or non-friends wie es geht. Just a Guten Tag or Hallo.
but DB exist
Thw big lie in Germany : das ist aber nicht böse gemeint
If you have a problem with honesty, do not go to Germany. If you love to be honest and to get honesty, you are right in Germany.
Rather an honest answer than constantly being lied too and to bare dishonesty.
so, basically, just be Larry David?
German Omas are bitter as heck.
Not true. Generalizing is always a mistake. And I have met bitter people in America , but also mice ones. It's everywhere like that good, bad, sweet, sour, nasty to nice, people are people.
@@rich-ard-style6996 This was sarcasm
Meine große Widersacher Zielgruppe waren bisher stets zufällig Omas im Alter von 60 bis 70, Besserwisser mit Sendungsbewusstsein, die einem auf der Straße unbedingt erklären müssen, warum man etwas falsch macht, und sei es noch so unwichtig. Inzwischen warte ich schon fast sehnsüchtig auf solche blöden Kühe. Und merke dabei, wie ich selbst pedantischer werde 😂😂😂
Ist das essen lecker?🫣
Der Hunger treibt's rein.
Und die Portionsgröße ist auch zuwenig zum Überleben, zuviel zum Krepieren.
Das Lustige ist, es schmeckt nicht mal schlecht.
Nonsense
Have you had the opposite experience?
Yes this video is very hurtful just the thought of a German keeping it real with me is causing me to know truth and its extremely offensive. The German people must stop all this honesty at once.
Regards-
Snowflake Westerner.🙂🙃🤪😊
Warum soll es eigentlich unhöflich sein, ehrlich und direkt zu sein? Definieren wir in unserem Land und unserer Kultur nicht selbst, was als höflich gilt und was nicht? Müssen wir uns nun wegen Globalisierung und Willkommenskultur auch noch anglo-amerikanischen Wertvorstellungen unterwerfen?
Weil man direkt sein kann und höflich dazu. Man muss ja nicht die eigene Lebensfrust anderen als Girlande umhängen. Viele Menschen in Teilen unseres Landes glauben zusammen mit der Direktheit auch alle Manieren ad acta legen zu dürfen, und da ist auch die Grenze des guten Benehmens nach unseren ureigensten Maßstäben dann erreicht. Unsere eigenen Großeltern hätten uns eine gepaddelt dafür.
Man lerne mal von den Hanseaten oder Kölnern, wie man beides kombinieren kann. Apropos, je nach Gesellschaftsschicht merkt man ja auch die Unterschiede gewaltig, leider.
Es gibt selten so schnodderige und patzige Antworten wie von lebensfrustierten Verkäuferinnen 😂