A Compulsive Liar's True Intent: Understanding Patterns Of Behavior

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  • čas přidán 25. 06. 2024
  • Have you ever had an experience with a person who always seems mysterious and nothing they say ever comes to fruition?
    Well…if so, you might have been dealing with a sociopath, narcissist, or even a pathological liar. This article will discuss 6 important characteristics we should all be aware of with the pathological liar.
    In this video, I discuss characteristics of pathological liars we all should be aware of. Pathological or compulsive liars often display patterns of behavior that are easy to spot in hindsight. But this video aims to give you a leg up.
    It's important to understand how pathological liars interact with others. Some characteristics you may notice include but are not limited to:
    Habitual/frequent lying that is consistent
    Triangulation (which I will discuss further next week)
    Listening to respond ONLY
    Manipulating you into "playing" roles in their life
    Seducing you
    Exaggerating things to distract from the truth
    Using emotions to control and dominate
    Studying you and looking for your weakness
    Rehearsing their lines and lies
    There are also common characteristics of pathological lying that can be found in the following diagnoses:
    -CHILDREN & TEENS:
    Oppositional defiant disorder
    Conduct disorder
    Juvenile Delinquency
    -ADULTS:
    Borderline Personality Disorder
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder
    Antisocial Personality Disorder "sociopaths" and "psychopaths"
    Histrionic personality
    To view my article on 6 Subtle Characteristics of Pathological Liars click here: blogs.psychcentral.com/caregi...
    Psychological trauma: • Psychological Trauma &...
    Emotionally detached parents: • Disruptive Behaviors: ...
    I encourage you to post your comments or questions below.
    For my new book (Kindle/Paperback) on Understanding and Helping Suicidal Adolescents, click here: www.amazon.com/Understanding-....
    Twitter: / therapisttee
    Website: anchoredinknowledge.com
    International blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers

Komentáře • 342

  • @PhilippeSHOCKMatthews
    @PhilippeSHOCKMatthews Před 6 lety +66

    Another great one Tamara! I can see these behaviors not just in individuals but in communities, cultures, governments and administrations. Brilliant work!

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 6 lety +4

      Thank you very much! Glad you found it helpful. And yes, I can see this in terms of communities, cultures, and governments as well. May be worth further discussion at some point.
      Looking forward to tuning in to your most recent episode!

    • @Myssy1
      @Myssy1 Před 4 lety +3

      thank you of recognizing that its not in just families that this patten is happening thanks for both of you

    • @kimberlydahl2351
      @kimberlydahl2351 Před 3 lety +2

      My neighbors are this

  • @NeverLetLoveGo
    @NeverLetLoveGo Před 3 lety +126

    Once they’ve figured out you’re a good person they take you on as a project and will show that they’re nice until their mask slowly starts to come off. Then you find out that they’re actually an immature narcissist they will try to destroy you. GET OUT quickly, save yourself!

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 3 lety +5

      I like that Nash! They do "take you on as a project...." Very true. Thank you for pointing that out. Getting away from them is often the best remedy.

    • @niamtxiv
      @niamtxiv Před 3 lety +4

      Exactly. Two weeks ago, I completely cut a friend of 7 years. He was a compulsive liar. He lied so much, it was awful.

    • @cleanqueen75
      @cleanqueen75 Před 2 lety +3

      I can’t stand to be around my BIL. I feel like he thinks I’m so naive and gullible to believe the crap that comes out of his mouth. His wife believes everything he says. He told me he was in a Turkish prison and escaped in a mailbag! Lol. He also said that Michelle Obama was an imposter. He said he knew my grandpa that lived in another state.My BIL would have been 11 when my grandpa was living. I think he is very insecure and trying to impress people. I have personally witnessed him going up to a total stranger and saying he was in Vietnam with him. The guys body language you can tell him that he doesn’t know my BIL.

    • @kimba7567
      @kimba7567 Před 2 lety

      I did the same nearly a year ago. Finally it’s calming down. The injury they feel when you discover a mask before it comes off is insane. The smear campaign, trying to convince me I’m crazy. When I simply do not respect her and there’s no convincing me of anything. She was just an annoyance that I had to get law enforcement involved. She then went on to tell people I opened an investigation on her. Lol not true. Just a simple phone call to let her know she can no longer contact me from the 9 diff phone numbers she was contacting me from. Along with her flying monkey her mom. All I wanted was to have her out of my life. Pretty simple.

    • @acsilver2777
      @acsilver2777 Před rokem +1

      I just got violated by a narcissistic pathological liar. I'm trying to understand why. Big lies little lies. She checks all these boxes and I cannot understand why someone could be so evil

  • @crystalarul2002
    @crystalarul2002 Před 4 lety +88

    1.passive aggressive behaviour
    2.emotional control
    3.mental corruption:corrupt how you see yourself
    4.triangulation:drama triangle,
    5.no boundaries, they dont respect your space
    6.evil and vindictive

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +13

      Thank you!! Love when you guys do this.

    • @paulaoppedisano3685
      @paulaoppedisano3685 Před 3 lety +4

      Mental corruption... Oy vey, hardest thing about being raised by them.

    • @kynathomas4809
      @kynathomas4809 Před 2 lety +4

      Knew someone with ALL these traits and went no contact as soon as I knew.

  • @nata7536
    @nata7536 Před 2 lety +31

    "It's about keeping YOUR identity center stage in your mind. If you DON'T do that, then you're gonna get ran over."
    100% words to live by.

  • @TheSuperQuail
    @TheSuperQuail Před 4 lety +72

    I just flushed a 'friendship' with one of these people yesterday and I'm angry that I didn't do it 20 years ago.

  • @cathleen_s
    @cathleen_s Před 3 lety +27

    This was spot on. My ex-husband, Narc, went into full retaliation mode when I finally decided to divorce him. If you aren't knowledgeable about parental alienation, you should look it up. In short, my ex manipulated our teenage daughter to completely reject me. She and I were very close, but he manipulated her by giving her money, permission to engage in dangerous behaviors, etc. He engaged her as an ally against me. They both started a smear campaign on me with extended family members. My life collapsed after an extended period of this alienation by my daughter. Run, run, run from these evil people . Their goal IS to destroy you and they will use anybody and anything to do it. My daughter has refused communication with me now for 13 YEARS. I am stuck in a neverending grief cycle because of this.

    • @m998hmmwv7
      @m998hmmwv7 Před 10 měsíci +3

      Cut her off at all cost. My sister did this to both her parents and she took them in the end for everything they had. She even took the wedding bands off of there fingers while they were being laid out at the funerals.

    • @saturdayschild8535
      @saturdayschild8535 Před 9 měsíci +2

      @@m998hmmwv7 Agreed. We have to let these people go, even if they are our children.

  • @raeedbrown8532
    @raeedbrown8532 Před 2 lety +12

    I wish i knew these things years ago because life would've taken a different turn

  • @sassmastasweet8335
    @sassmastasweet8335 Před 2 lety +7

    Being in this sort of situation is absolutely mind bending heartbreaking and soul crushing. It can destroy you, but only if you let it. You are an individual. You have agency. It is Yours and only Yours..only you possess the power over You...period..EVER..

  • @kiskakuznetsova503
    @kiskakuznetsova503 Před rokem +15

    Thank you, I grew up in a family of pathological liars. And many of us had public-facing jobs! I really thought everyone interacted that way until I got out in the real world and no, that's not accepted. So, I got help and changed and it felt SO good to take that weight off and not have to constantly be linking the fantasy with the rest of the world. I had no idea how much hatred, insecurity and sadism was involved with my family's generations of lying until I changed my ways and then, at age 21, my family turned on me and triangulated and smeared me because, in my mother's words, "You think you're so f-ing evolved now!" It's embarrassing to say that you came from that kind of family and that you too did that until you were 21, I'm not proud that anyone who met me before that age must have thought I was crazy and that I did not form good friendships. On the other hand, the good relationships I have had as an adult mean a garet deal to me and I value people in ways those who have intact, sane families don't. It says a lot that changing from living in a fantasy to living in reality at 21 threatens one's family so much that they punish you for it, punish you for getting better and punish you for telling the truth and seeing the truth (because if I had to see the reality of my life, I had to acknowledge the abuse and neglect, it was less painful to lie and live in a fantasy where my family were all just eccentric intellectuals who were too good to be held to the standards everyone else had to live by).

    • @dorothyobrien7724
      @dorothyobrien7724 Před rokem +3

      I am so sorry you went through that. The fact that you became like that, had the presence of mind to be introspective, challenge it, evolve out of it, is amazing! Most people don't do that. You have broken that cycle. Good for you!
      Now, you have set yourself up for more nourishing healthy relationships. I wish you the best on your journey.
      I, too, have had to cut myself off from my family. So, I understand.

  • @0ErikaAir0
    @0ErikaAir0 Před 4 lety +16

    I have been this.. I hate admitting it.. I was also locked in the self destructing cycle of active addiction.. this video really hurts to watch.. but if anyone has felt like that.. like me.. there is a hope.. if you want change.. you can change.. I’ve only been sober about 2 1/2 years and my life has changed dramatically for the better.. anyway.. thank you for this video.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +4

      You're welcome! Thanks for watching.
      Even though it may disturb you to admit your behavioral patterns it's a good thing that you are able to see it. Some individual struggling with reality can't see where they are the problem. Others simply don't want to believe it. So they go through life blaming others and remaining the same. It's a difficult and sad cycle.

    • @sheniecesobers6750
      @sheniecesobers6750 Před rokem

      Hey, I a saw this comment scrolling and I’m currently in this situation and I don’t know where to start. Please can you share more ❤

    • @sheniecesobers6750
      @sheniecesobers6750 Před rokem

      Hey, I a saw this comment scrolling and I’m currently in this situation and I don’t know where to start. Please can you share more ❤

  • @TheQueenOfGreatness
    @TheQueenOfGreatness Před 4 lety +20

    Ok, my niece was abandoned by her mother at 3 months old. My parents took her in and legally adopted her. Her dad, my brother was around, but it wasn't a loving relationship. Myself and my parents raised her; I was 15 at the time.
    Now..... she is definitely a pathological liar and it's frightening. I can no longer have a relationship with her because of the fear that she put in other's heads about me. She will put lies about me into the heads of men that I have dated.
    The latest, she lied about her pregnancy and who the father was.
    If you don't know her you will think she's an angel, but she is a horrible horrible person in reality.
    *sad*

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +3

      This usxsad. It's terrible. She's a good example of why it's important to exercise boundaries at the first sight of this behavior.

    • @nameeraa
      @nameeraa Před 4 lety +2

      Sorry about this experience. Must be heart-wrenching

    • @nameeraa
      @nameeraa Před 4 lety +1

      Tamara how would one apply boundaries in such a situation?

    • @LADYDIVAful
      @LADYDIVAful Před 3 lety +7

      I have a younger aunt with the same experience, and she does everything in this video. She's heavily into a triangulation. Tamara is the first to say it "dangerous energy." I got tired of people telling me to try to get along, cause she's family. She does the most to get people to see me as a bad person, and she's the amazing one. She started gaslighting me; then, I canceled her out of my life. I deleted her; she's trying to get to me through people I know. She's sick and enjoys it!

    • @kimba7567
      @kimba7567 Před 2 lety +2

      @@LADYDIVAful and Facebook makes it so they can contact everyone.

  • @musicalroom7670
    @musicalroom7670 Před 3 lety +15

    I think it's very important to learn about psychological self-defense. Most people are strangers, and most of them don't have any meaningful effect on the well-being of a particular person, so there is no selfish incentive to care about most people. Yet we live in a society that is governed by rules that prohibit physical aggression, so that those who want to take advantage of others are incentivized to keep low-profile and employ manipulative tactics to advance personal goals.

  • @gerrysmith5607
    @gerrysmith5607 Před 4 lety +29

    I should also express that through my negative experiences with various narcissists etc, I cannot hate them because that is not who I am. I really try to see past their actions and understand what makes them the way they are. It's almost as if they want to upset you and get a reaction. I will state the facts, but I will not allow them to get a fight out of me. It's as if they want you to lower your vibration to match theirs. I am remembering what my grandmother taught me years ago. She said never lower yourself to the actions of anyone else. It took some years for me to really utilize that and it isn't about blaming another, but making sure that one really tries to keep their standards of love and caring in their heart and themselves and avoiding hate. Hating another is no good for anyone.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +4

      I very much agree! Great points in this statement.

    • @piapinkat6723
      @piapinkat6723 Před 2 lety +2

      It's not about hating the bi polar person, but it's about protecting yourself by being clear and precise about what happened to you & not giving to them any kind of reaction or explanation

    • @piapinkat6723
      @piapinkat6723 Před 2 lety +1

      My mother ruined my father's life n lied to me for 40 years about how horrible my father was n lied to her friends about something my dad never did!

    • @piapinkat6723
      @piapinkat6723 Před 2 lety +2

      My own mother has deep mental issues & my dad passed away looking like a loser to people, but he was not a loser, he was a great Father & brother who got messed up n almost died from my crazy mom

    • @dorothyobrien7724
      @dorothyobrien7724 Před rokem +1

      They do! They want you to lose it, to react. To betray your composure. My neighbor was doing this to me. He bragged to another neighbor how he liked to push my buttons and upset me. ??? He wanted to upset me. It was a game to him. He enjoyed it. I know he is on psych drugs for something. But, no psych drug can stop that. That is a personality thing he needs to take responsibility for.
      I choose to not respond. To not engage. I just walk away. I try to not be around him. Your right. Getting caught up in that drama is toxic for your soul.

  • @amotherofcolour5989
    @amotherofcolour5989 Před rokem +10

    This is truly your calling to give a voice to these toxic relationships. Last month I had to cut off 90% of my family because of the triangulation, manipulation, &emotional abuse. Thank you, please keep making your videos.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před rokem +3

      Thank you❤ Very glad these videos are helpful. It's a sad thing when you have to cut ties with family. No one wants to do that but your sanity means so much more.

  • @loverainthunder
    @loverainthunder Před 4 lety +41

    We need more professionals with your level of education about narcissism. Thanks for sharing this information.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +2

      Thank you!! So glad this is helpful

    • @catherinewacker141
      @catherinewacker141 Před 3 lety +3

      @@TherapistTamaraHill you are authentic. When I was on Twitter, my name was "My Authentic Self" I so appreciate your TRUTH. And this video is exactly what the malignant narcissist borderline psychopath ex. It is now becoming very very dangerous. The red flags are all over the place. It is frightening!

    • @catherinewacker141
      @catherinewacker141 Před 3 lety +3

      But...God has granted me my power back and I am gaining my freedom back that had been taken from me as a child.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 3 lety +3

      Thank you Catherine!
      I agree. The red flags are often clear and once you see them...you must run for your life.

    • @catherinewacker141
      @catherinewacker141 Před 3 lety +3

      @@TherapistTamaraHill Right now at this moment, j feel like Lot's wife, fleeing with my two boys, but learning a lesson from her, and NOT looking back.

  • @jimmykariuki9902
    @jimmykariuki9902 Před 2 lety +5

    I said it from day one such people have mental issues due to their own struggle hence tend to reflect the same towards others... great video

  • @truth4utoda
    @truth4utoda Před 6 lety +28

    Great overview.
    I've always thought compulsive liars have a pattern of behavior. Any time I see thed patterns, I run because I'm the only one getting hurt.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 6 lety +8

      Thank you for your comment!
      I think you represent so many people who do the same. They don't know how to communicate with compulsive liars so they stay away. When you don't know how to protect yourself and you don't trust the other person to care, you avoid. Sometimes that's the best thing to do.
      Take care

  • @gerrysmith5607
    @gerrysmith5607 Před 4 lety +18

    Yes, you are totally correct. My sister is a classic narcissist and she has done everything to me including going to the court. She wants control over me no matter what and it shows. She is very good at fooling everyone in the family and friends who I thought actually knew me and really cared about me. The wisest advice I took was to go no contact. I believe the next wisest thing I should do is move from my small home town because I have no doubt that she still lurks. I have already been made aware of it.

    • @kimba7567
      @kimba7567 Před 2 lety +2

      I have a sister like yours as well. Doesn’t it just suck they are not capable of knowing to look out for your best interest?? I say this to my sister. She replies “your weird you make no sense. I don’t understand you.”

    • @taraarrington2285
      @taraarrington2285 Před rokem

  • @Andronicus2007
    @Andronicus2007 Před 11 měsíci +6

    Wow, so well explained! My parents, and to some degree some other family members are like this. Unfortunately this rubbed off a little on me when I was younger. But in my twenties I realised I didn't want to be like them. I felt iving a life of narcissism and lies is like not really being alive, not being a whole person. I'm now close to 50 and have healed to some degree.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 11 měsíci +1

      Thank you! I'm glad this was helpful to you.
      This behavior can certainly run in families until you say "enough is enough, I will not do this."

  • @frankieroberson3398
    @frankieroberson3398 Před 6 lety +25

    Yes, keep the video's coming! The second narcissist woke me up and then I was able to identify the patterns with the first one; I always say a Narcissist Saved My Life because it required me to do the inner-engineering and comprehend mine why? Why am I allowing someone to disrespect me it's always some underlining problems that were never addressed during childhood. However, I am learning new tools to navigate; not so much as letting my guard down but I am learning to trust my instincts. Yes, when mental corruption is on the horizon it's time to discern these narcissistic properties and get out of there otherwise we will get pounced on instead of standing there like a deer in headlights! #anchoredinknowledge #healingisaprocess #trustheprocess

  • @AprilSunshine
    @AprilSunshine Před 4 lety +12

    If you're thinking "is this normal?" Or "am I crazy?" Because of this person, you might be dealing with a narcissist predator.
    My advice: RUN AWAY.
    I'll tell you what worked for me:
    1. Look up the definition for the crime of "stalking" in your area. Usually it will require you to tell the person "do not contact me again" at least 3 times. Be sure to do this on text or email so you have proof when they inevitably contact you again. 2. Once you have this evidence, and their behavior officially meets the criteria, call the nonemergency police hotline and have a cop come out to talk to you about your predator. Ask them how to get a restraining order and ask them if you can file a police report regarding the stalking behavior.
    3. Collect evidence. Every time your predator contacts you, call the police. Every time they step for in your space, snap a picture, and keep records. Best believe your predator is collecting dirt on you to try to threaten you and take you to court. Get a step ahead by making sure there are police reports proving this person is engaging in criminal behavior.
    4. File a stalker protection order or restraining order. You will have to go to court but that's no problem because the police reports will convince the judge for you. Judges recognize predators because they see them every day. If you feel you are not brave enough, try to recruit a lawyer or a trusted friend or family to go through this process with you.
    5. Move. Even if it's just to an apartment in the same city, move so the predator cannot find you. If they know where you work, and you have reason to believe they will show up, you can also get a new job.
    6. Purchase a handgun. It's better to have one and never use it than to not have one and wind up in a situation where you need it.
    7. Get counseling and move on.
    8. You are not crazy. You are not crazy. You are not crazy. No one deserves to be treated this way! Please save yourself!

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +2

      Thank you, April, for sharing this.

    • @lateshaedwards7500
      @lateshaedwards7500 Před 4 lety +2

      Thank you 🙂🌸

    • @kynathomas4809
      @kynathomas4809 Před 2 lety +1

      Thank you for this information.

    • @kimba7567
      @kimba7567 Před 2 lety +1

      I went through exactly this. There wasn’t much in place at the prosecutes office over a same sex predictor. The paperwork was built for only roommates or romantic partners. But I did have LE contact her. It’s still weird. I get random emails at 3:30 in the morning on homes in another state that I didn’t search for. Such childish behavior. I just continue to ignore. She’s gotta run out of steam or find someone else more interesting to attack. Eventually….

  • @SatoriSeals
    @SatoriSeals Před rokem +6

    This is such a great commentary. Some insight and understanding was gained from this. With Pathological Liars still not being clear what motivates them you did a great job tying it into narcism. This commentary brings peace to us that had to face this.

  • @CINRZ
    @CINRZ Před 3 lety +8

    I completely agree with this vid, but compulsive and pathological are two very different things, be careful with labelling people who lie compulsively as narcissists as a compulsion is something that isn't controlled. Narcissists lie because they're trying to manipulate

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 3 lety +7

      You are right Zoe. The only thing I would say is that the terms compulsive and pathological liar not really that different and tend to be used interchangeably because they are so close in definition. But you are right that we have to watch labeling because a pathological liar engages in abnormal lying frequently, whereas a compulsive liar may do the same but the motivation for the lying is different. The way I like to explain it is that pathological liars make lying a career, whereas a compulsive liar doesn't seem to have control over the lying. Pathological liars use lying as an instrument. Compulsive liars may lie for various reasons but the intent is different.

  • @melindadaun2308
    @melindadaun2308 Před rokem +1

    I love this video. My father's propensity to pathologically lie and triangulate against me (I didn't know the meaning of this until now) has me so confused. My father seems genuinely lonely and sad with a strong need to be liked by others. He somehow thinks exploiting our fathers daughter relationship will win others over. I didn't see him as a narcissist because he wants to so badly to be liked. He tries to dominate my friendships, to compete with me and to lie about his own aceheivements & I'm expected to lie and support his lies. I stopped going along with his lies & he has lied to family about me so they will stay away from me. It makes me sad.

  • @jocelynnowen3078
    @jocelynnowen3078 Před 11 měsíci +4

    Thank you. Now I’m not spinning in confusion with this guy. Some of the things he comes up with are out of a horror flick and the ‘game’ is to get me to believe the claims he makes. I can’t fix it. Thank you so much for repeating the obvious in life! ( laughing at myself for being conned but it’s okay) I got this now. Thank you❤

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 11 měsíci +1

      Yes, you're welcome! And I'm glad you are now able to fully "see" what is going on here. I often tell my clients to take their dignity and self-worth and walk away.

  • @EricaYE6
    @EricaYE6 Před 5 měsíci +1

    Your entire channel describes my narcissistic mother perfectly. So glad I found you today.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 5 měsíci +1

      I'm sorry to hear this. But I welcome you to the channel. Glad to have you.

  • @gerrysmith5607
    @gerrysmith5607 Před 4 lety +5

    I had an incident a few days ago. I spoke with an old neighbor and I learned back long ago that she lied about most everything. So a few days ago she had told me a few things regarding a couple jobs she had. I texted her asking about the name of the temp agency she said she used. She wouldn't give me the name of it and told me I was on my own. Instant snot to me of which I ignored. I then asked her another question in relationship to our talk about a job because I was confused and things didn't add up and then she got mad at me and she said "I never said that." Well, I didn't pull it out of nowhere (my a**) because I know for fact what she said. Then she told me to get my facts straight. At that point I was not going to allow her to rule over me with her lies. I knew I wrote the name of the temp agency she told me about somewhere in my notes. So I searched and found the name which was Arch. Well its a no wonder she didn't want to repeat the name to me because there is no way she went through that agency for her job because there were only 6 jobs listed and one in the state where we live. I caught her again. She lied about Arch and she also lied about what she had told me regarding a particular job and then she twisted it all around and called me the liar. I texted her back after I found Arch and did some investigating. I told her what she had said to me (once again) and then informed her that Arch only had 6 jobs listed and one in our state. Lol She flat out knew that I caught her and yet she still insisted that she never said what she said and her only response about Arch was that it was a small place. Denial, denial, denial. This is not the first time I caught her lying. I already know better with her. Anyway, what really makes a person lie about everything? There was no need for her to lie about a stupid temp agency let alone the bs she spewed about a job she had. She had told me she walked out of a job...and then two days later she said she never said that. Then accused me of calling her a bad worker. I could care less because if anyone hates a job and leaves that is their decision and no judgement from me. Everything she told me was a spin of lies and the only reason she got caught is because I asked her about the stupid temp agency. The whole thing is so rediculous and it makes me wonder why do people lie over and over about most everything? It really is quite sad because her credibility to have any honest conversation is ZERO. I guess I was hoping that she had changed her ways, but clearly she hasn't. She really is a pathological liar.

  • @saturdayschild8535
    @saturdayschild8535 Před 9 měsíci +3

    Great video. I grew up surrounded by pathological liars. I ended up marrying one that lied and said he wasn’t like that. He’s now trying, emphasis on trying, to destroy my mental health and reputation to match his lies. I’m grateful to God that our children noted the lies early on in their childhoods and decided not to be like him. The divorce is done. Thank you for explaining this phenomenon so clearly.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 9 měsíci +2

      I'm sorry you have had to experience this. It's exhausting, humiliating, and stripping. The divorce being done is a blessing for you.

  • @ven11235
    @ven11235 Před 3 lety +8

    God bless you, this is helping me come to terms with a friendship I just ended. Dude is a pathological liar, negative and draining. He exaggerated his circumstances to elicit sympathy from everyone in order to get what he wanted. I'm so mad. I believe he robbed me of something valuable as his story keeps changing. No trust, known dude since we were kids. I've been staying at his house last few months and have really got to see real him. His mother and I were real close, she was my sifu/sensei, she passed over a year ago, but always warned me he was a liar and sneaky and one day I'd see the real him and split

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 3 lety +4

      Thank you! I am really glad this was helpful.
      I find that as some people grow older they change in ways we would never expect and so I wonder if he just changed and became a pathological liar who cannot help himself (or doesn't care). It's sad but it seems to happen a lot.

    • @andreablossom3929
      @andreablossom3929 Před rokem +1

      @@TherapistTamaraHill What makes this happen? I went through this with an ex. I met him in my teens and when we were in our early twenties after six months of dating, I noticed he started lying to alot of people for no reason. At first it was just clients, then it was family, then friends. I initially ignored because I would keep myself out of his business although it did bother me. One day I noticed he was constantly telling lies where I had to ask him why he was lying so much. It had started to bother me, but in a way where I felt alarmed and disturbed by it. It just wasn't normal anymore. It started one lie here and there then more and more frequently then it became if he was talking he was lying and I knew at that point there was no way he wasn't lying to me as well. What have you observed that will make an individual just change like that?

  • @piapinkat6723
    @piapinkat6723 Před 2 lety +5

    You hit the nail on the spot! This is the first time I'm actually looking at it with such a clear perspective

  • @stephanieannreyes2262
    @stephanieannreyes2262 Před 4 lety +7

    Just found your channel, where have you been all my life?? Left a 20 plus year marriage with a pathological liar. We have two court dates currently so that part of your video hit home. He is a pouncer. Been away from him 5 years now and he is still being vindictive. Will keep watching, thank you.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +1

      You're welcome. I'm really glad this was helpful. Stay strong. It is a tough battle with these people.

  • @nana10456
    @nana10456 Před 4 lety +11

    Hey! you made my day. I now understand the situation better and how to deal it. Thanks so much.

  • @TheTarantube
    @TheTarantube Před 4 lety +7

    Thanks alot. Real eye opener to people in the work life and relationships

  • @misse7154
    @misse7154 Před 5 lety +11

    Yes! They also use passive-agressive behavior to sway others in number to abuse by proxy. This happened to me as a target and it was awful. I know people refer to it as "flying monkies". But its rarely discussed by clinicians. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts about abuse by proxy.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 5 lety +6

      Thanks so much for watching! And I think that's a really good topic to focus on. I definitely will add that to my roster of topics this month! Stay tuned.

    • @misse7154
      @misse7154 Před 5 lety +3

      @@TherapistTamaraHill Great! I look forward to it!

  • @allysonjackson5610
    @allysonjackson5610 Před 3 lety +2

    Sadly, I know several people like this. Another great topic and issue to deal with.

  • @just1desi
    @just1desi Před 3 lety +7

    So glad I found your gem of a channel. Thank you for all your hard work. You are appreciated.

  • @CheeekyKitty
    @CheeekyKitty Před 4 lety +6

    Fantastic video.
    I don’t think the “Title” does it justice.!
    This was one of the best videos on Narcissistic Abuse, which includes lying.

  • @adelaidemeyers7284
    @adelaidemeyers7284 Před rokem +4

    Thank you for your videos. I've had a crazy few years and these videos really help explain a lot! I am so grateful for these and other CZcams videos because I don't know how I could possibly learned about these things from just reading and never learned it from therapists. This kind of video really is making a huge difference in my life. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před rokem +1

      You are so welcome!😊Glad this was helpful to you.
      And thank you for sharing this. It's motivation for me to continue making them!

  • @piapinkat6723
    @piapinkat6723 Před 2 lety +3

    I'm very grateful that u helped me to clarify this out in public!

  • @MainHouse-kf3tb
    @MainHouse-kf3tb Před 29 dny

    This happened to my son 😢 She was diagnosed BPD. He never saw it coming. None of us did. It destroyed our families and also made me take a good look at how this happens... The "Red flags.'

  • @Gnarlyhobo
    @Gnarlyhobo Před měsícem +1

    I got ran over. I’m stuck and trying to get the stamina back to get up. Thank you for this video.

  • @onenighttoremember
    @onenighttoremember Před 2 lety +4

    Your videos have helped me so much in dealing with a pathological liar! They are to the point and really good.

  • @hermanusvanemmenes6343
    @hermanusvanemmenes6343 Před 4 lety +7

    Very helpful and enlightening. It cleared a lot lot of unanswered questions for me.

  • @btlfilmmedia9514
    @btlfilmmedia9514 Před 7 měsíci +1

    Wow you nailed what these people are like ...Dangerous as hell

  • @TheLiquidCat
    @TheLiquidCat Před rokem +1

    I was lying in bed thinking about something that happened with an ex-friend and started wondering about personality disorders, so I tried to find an answer through google and came to your video.
    I had a friend, J, and we had a mutual friend, T, (whom I didn't actually know very well). Well, everything going fine between us all, then J quietly tells me that T once told J he wished he would die of cancer. I was absolutely horrified because T seemed like a really likeable and kind person to me. Well, a bit later on, maybe a couple of hours later, I mention to J how shocked I am that T has such a mean streak and J tells me "oh, that didn't happen, I was lying." and just carried on like it's normal to do that.
    Thinking about it now years later, and even after watching your video, my brain just can't make sense of why someone would do that for seemingly absolutely no reward whatsoever?
    There were many other lies but that one is so baffling to me for how malicious it was.

  • @jacobigray3323
    @jacobigray3323 Před rokem +3

    Love the video I'm going through that right now in my relationship

  • @meanimeconingles
    @meanimeconingles Před 4 lety +5

    Hi Tamara! What a useful video! I want to thank you for taking the time and talk about these people. It's the first time I hear about triangulation and I just understood what my mother is doing to me.
    I wish I could do something to help her, but I should leave as soon as possible to persue my dreams and finally be a happy person.
    Once again, thank you for your time, I suscribe!

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +2

      Hi Karen, thank you! I'm really glad these videos are helpful! And welcome.
      It's nothing greater than getting the proper perspective when you know, deep down, someone is negatively impacting your life. Insight is truly a gift.

  • @craig3714
    @craig3714 Před 4 lety +7

    They are very bossy but we get called bossy for setting up walls against their controlling behavior.

  • @michelej9496
    @michelej9496 Před 2 lety +1

    I ran away, stayed away and never got to pay my final respects to those near and dear to me.

  • @richarddriscoll666
    @richarddriscoll666 Před rokem +2

    Love it !! Well done !! Thank you for this!

  • @Myssy1
    @Myssy1 Před 4 lety +4

    Best video explaining how the disordered person looks for
    Weak minded people to influence to destroy your life and thanks for making it clear they need to run fast if that’s who you are dealing with they are so destructive

  • @TheTeganOsmondChannel
    @TheTeganOsmondChannel Před 3 lety +3

    Wow, your videos are so good. They make so much sense and I am also learning about some things in myself that I can work on and improve. Thanks so much Tamara

  • @ivalinapasse2469
    @ivalinapasse2469 Před 2 lety +3

    Brilliant Work 👍👍👍 and I can See the Nonsense a Mile Away.

  • @TJ-wh6ix
    @TJ-wh6ix Před 4 lety +4

    GREAT clip - thanks for sharing

  • @libo6368
    @libo6368 Před 5 lety +9

    Great video...makes u understand what you're dealing with

  • @arthurhogan2679
    @arthurhogan2679 Před 3 lety +3

    Wow, this is very accurate. Thanks

  • @Journeyoflove13
    @Journeyoflove13 Před 3 lety +3

    Great video! Thank you so much ♡

  • @philipjohnkaye8890
    @philipjohnkaye8890 Před 3 lety +3

    Hit the nail on the head, fantastic video!

  • @destinymarks2802
    @destinymarks2802 Před rokem +2

    Thank you for sharing, you did a great job explaining everything:)

  • @LorettaNyhan1
    @LorettaNyhan1 Před 3 lety +2

    These are so helpful. Thank you!

  • @LV84CC
    @LV84CC Před 5 lety +4

    Great and informative. Thank you!

  • @baladadisidenta8219
    @baladadisidenta8219 Před 2 lety +2

    My father is a pathological liar and a highly vindictive person but unfortunately I can not get him out of my life nor run away from him because I 'm totally dependent on him financially. He is so mean, he keeps telling me I 'm the one who is paranoic and should pass some time in a mental ward. He is a sick, manipulative monster I can not break free from, that 's what I know.😢

  • @westindiesgalfruits2335
    @westindiesgalfruits2335 Před rokem +3

    Just found your channel and it's so helpful, thanks!

  • @user-io4om7cz3o
    @user-io4om7cz3o Před 3 lety +1

    I'm dealing with this now. Thank you

  • @tooakki
    @tooakki Před 4 lety +7

    ...you're like an angel. Great info.

  • @andrewmass1414
    @andrewmass1414 Před 2 lety +1

    Excellent

  • @nodozhit
    @nodozhit Před 3 lety +2

    Thanks Támara!

  • @taloribrahim5435
    @taloribrahim5435 Před rokem +1

    Some people adapt to survive from trauma and end up messing up when they have a good healthy relationship and it takes them eight years to change their behavior. So if they can identify their faults and wrongs then they can fix it.

  • @elizabethseiden9938
    @elizabethseiden9938 Před 2 lety +2

    Hi Tamara!!! Amazing video!!! I’m stressed out about not being able to pick up my puppy. It was strange that I wanted to hurt my own dog and put her into the shelter. My narcissistic father, despised my grandmother. He said that she never worked a day in her life. Also, he said she was a bad cook. He said he was close only to my grandfather. I believe that he resented women, including female puppies.😍🌺❤️🐶🦋🍓🍦🎂🍕🍇🐣💥🍪🍎🐕🍿😎💕🏅

  • @Ian140265
    @Ian140265 Před 3 lety +1

    Thank you, great video.

  • @TherapistTamaraHill
    @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 6 lety +1

    Do you think compulsive liars have a pattern of behavior?
    If so, what do you notice?
    I talk more about this topic here: czcams.com/video/VzjRDhRQJS4/video.html

  • @misskurmis
    @misskurmis Před rokem +2

    Wonderful video, super helpful. This is my property manager.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před rokem +1

      Glad it was helpful! And thank you.
      It's sad when you have to need something from someone like this.

  • @KingAamiraShakur
    @KingAamiraShakur Před 4 lety +4

    great video.another life giving lessons
    bro.minister Eddiekhane jr x

  • @Catherine-do5ok
    @Catherine-do5ok Před 14 dny +1

    Very helpful video thankyou!

  • @destinymarks2802
    @destinymarks2802 Před rokem +1

    Thank you

  • @PeaceYall666
    @PeaceYall666 Před 4 lety +1

    Thanks again this info is really appreciated

  • @PoloCortes
    @PoloCortes Před 5 lety +4

    Great video thanks

  • @bartdoo5757
    @bartdoo5757 Před 4 lety +3

    I know a woman that has Dependent Personality Disorder and is also a pathological liar. She tried to date me. We went out once and she would text, Facebook message, and call non stop and want my input for what to wear, eat, etc. She would tell incredible stories about everyone around her, from coworkers to family. I started reading about personality disorders and watching videos. I told her I wasn't interested but she continued non stop. I stopped answering so she had friends and family to message and call. I quit having any communication with them.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 4 lety +2

      Thanks for sharing this with us. Sometimes that's the best way to regulate a sensitive situation that is going overboard. Boundaries sometimes involves completely refusing to communicate.

  • @erikcarlson4592
    @erikcarlson4592 Před 3 lety +2

    Awesome video!

  • @vegvixxxen829
    @vegvixxxen829 Před 2 lety

    I really needed this thank you

  • @TheWrightGroupSEO
    @TheWrightGroupSEO Před 2 lety +1

    Thank you Ma'am💪💪💪👍

  • @Oshin_Life
    @Oshin_Life Před 3 lety +2

    Thank you ❤️

  • @roseyrose9467
    @roseyrose9467 Před 3 lety +1

    Thank you so much

  • @lori9964
    @lori9964 Před rokem +1

    Power, pounce.
    Emotional control, power hungry,
    Mental corruption, dominate
    Triangulation, destroy you, they have a low self esteem, appear a certain way.
    Don’t respect others. Disregard your boundaries, often evil vindication.
    They want others to think their the victim.

  • @brunildealbanese9419
    @brunildealbanese9419 Před 2 lety +2

    I don’t think they have low self esteem quite the opposite, they think they are better and deserve to dominate them.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 2 lety +1

      It all depends on the person! Every pathological liar isn't the same - wish I had highlighted that in this older video. But I am using your comment to highlight that not every pathological liar is the same. No psychotherapist or psychologist has ever seen identical pathological liars. It would be so much easier for us if we did!

  • @dearsister3095
    @dearsister3095 Před 5 lety +6

    I sooo wish I could have a conversation with you on this topic. I’ve been dealing with this for what seems like a lifetime. This video has been the only thing that has not made me feel crazy! I wish I could ask you a few questions I have following up after your Pathological Liar series

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 5 lety

      Hi Dear Sister,
      Thank you! So glad it was helpful. I wrote an article on this years ago that may answer some of yoir questions: blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2014/09/6-subtle-characteristics-of-the-pathological-liar/.
      Take care

  • @taloribrahim5435
    @taloribrahim5435 Před rokem +1

    These people can change if they seek help by counseling and psychiatric medication. I have done this my whole life to survive the only way I knew how. U til I slowed down when I met my husband who was healthy and respectful and counseling showed me I’m the problem and I am fixing it because it’s not worth loosing him over. I love him and my family with all my heart. So somebody must hurt you host!!!

  • @Somero5115
    @Somero5115 Před 3 měsíci +1

    Thanks!

  • @noeleenfalkner4557
    @noeleenfalkner4557 Před 2 lety +1

    Boy thanks all you mentioned and more talk about mental problems where i am and now looking how to move a caravan off site permanently will cost me but necessary

  • @kerstitekko9958
    @kerstitekko9958 Před 4 lety +2

    I love your channel.

  • @mastiffmom2592
    @mastiffmom2592 Před 2 lety +1

    What I know so, as of now about the person is they definitely lie. She also doesn’t respect boundaries. I feel trapped by this person. Firstly, she’s my sons gf who “had nowhere to go” basically she was living in her car. Now, after just a few months, she’s pregnant. I’m beginning to figure out how to handle the situation. I’m distancing myself, letting her know that I know she lied without saying it and I’m going to ask a lot of questions. It’s a very difficult situation to be in.
    TFS

  • @user-uq3eq5ln6m
    @user-uq3eq5ln6m Před 5 měsíci +1

    thank you so much Tamara for this information. please help me with how to deal with pathological liars whom the school principal supports and showing the principal the proof videos also is denied. it will be great help. really suffering .Thank you.

  • @lindajohnson9282
    @lindajohnson9282 Před 3 lety +1

    Brilliant... absolutely brilliant! It’s not as though you are imparting knowledge that isn’t already out there, but you did so without referring to sex, gender or specific relationship(s). You have demonstrated that anyone can be in any kind of relationship and endure persistent truly toxic lies. We all lie, at some time or another, and to varying degrees, but most of us don’t make a habit of it (yes, we all tell “little white lies” in order to spare the feeling of others, but that’s a completely different playing field to that of the issue covered in this video... which is not to say that I condone lying, in general).
    The biggest gripe I have with liars is when they declare that they don’t know why they lied; any useless excuse is at least slightly less insulting than claiming no knowledge of the logic behind telling the lie. We all know why we lie, each and every time we have occasion to lie but rarely have the courage to out ourselves in order to ease the pain we caused someone else in our momentary lack of judgement and, of course, selfishness.
    Here’s hoping that more people watch material like this and start refusing to let the lies drag us down in order to let someone walk all over us in order to lift themselves up ❤️

  • @eedabc123
    @eedabc123 Před 4 lety +4

    like you... good stuff

  • @Bibleinformationandhelp
    @Bibleinformationandhelp Před rokem +1

    Very good video.

  • @n.c.6211
    @n.c.6211 Před 4 lety +5

    This is invaluable ❤
    Thank you ❤
    As someone who is totally inept at reading social behaviour I am sooo grateful ❤
    Luckily my ability to bond is not there, thanks to Asperger's :) in this case it is an extreme advantage!

  • @tomdavies241
    @tomdavies241 Před 2 lety +2

    mrs.hill. you just described my neighbor and i would have never known without this video.
    when she first moved here she was very nice and friendly and then out of the blue she became full of hate. stsrted slandering me, put up security cameras all facing at and into my house, would make hateful comments. she would have friends come over and watch the security cameras. she set up a place outside so i would know she was watching me. would accuse me of wanting to steal things from her hacked into my Facebook account and wrote more slander and on and on.been going on for 5 months and i am having to take her to court and hopefully that will end this but am not to sure.
    every attempt she makes to anger me has failed so far but when they do she just ramps it up and keeps on trying. we were just friends and had no relationship beyond that so it was a big mystery as to why she started this and it still is but now i understand what, she is trying to do and how she is trying to do it. thank you very much for your videos. will be watching a lot more of them.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  Před 2 lety +2

      Thank you Tom! Welcome to the channel!
      It very much sounds like this person is out of control and very much a bully. The more research you do on this character the better.
      Wishing you the best.

  • @crystalcarroll5138
    @crystalcarroll5138 Před 3 lety +2

    Thankyou

  • @mklee7113
    @mklee7113 Před 8 měsíci +1

    My bf daughter and his X are compulsive liars. I feel sorry for those people

  • @2old4thyz27
    @2old4thyz27 Před 2 lety +1

    I thank you always also i give Much Love to You!. Smilez?!