More of the Strangest Declassified Files
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- čas přidán 16. 06. 2024
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Henry Kissinger was born May 27, 1923 and died November 29, 2023. He was 100 years old.
Dave wrote it, Simon reads it, I watch it, that's the format of the video
And I SMASHED the DISLIKE
😂
I engage, as the hive minded individual.
On April fools day Simon should write it and have Dave read it.
Don't you dare forget Sam The Editor again
Simons talking about the hustler and the rich guy not getting the very obvious call is just half the mobile game ad in a nutshell
I'm showing my age and social upbringing but I was thinking of a certain magazine until ... he said he walked away. Honestly, it could have happened in them.
This one needed the Tangent Timer
Yeah, I'm in it for the tangents. Allegedly.
They all do.
I have one story like this. About the invasion of France by Belgium. This happened a few decades ago (before the EU open borders, in 1995). At a APC practice course near the French border, some newbies were being instructed in how to drive a APC by an instructor. (it was the instructor who told me this years later)
The instructor said: "Okay, you now know how to prep and drive the APC. Do that, and meet me at point B for some maneuver training." The instructor went on food to point B. There he waited for the APC. And waited. And waited. After 45 minutes, he saw the APC driving his way, only it came from the wrong side. The APC stopped near him, and dropped its rear ramp. Out came half a dozen guys who laughed so much, they couldn't stand up straight. After trying to get the guys to tell him what happened, the instructor went to the driver. The driver turned bright red and told the story. They had gone the wrong way. And came across a manned checkpoint with an arm barrier and a Belgian flag. The people at the checkpoint saw the APC approaching and tried to get it to stop. The driver in a panic, gunned the engine and accelerated. The checkpoint people just raised the arm barrier. (otherwise it would have just snapped clean off). A few hundred meters further, the exact same thing happened, only this time the checkpoint had a French flag. After passing this checkpoint, the driver finally realized what he had don. He had taken a Belgian military vehicle into another country. Basically, he had invaded France. So, he turned around, went back the way he had come. Passed the two checkpoints, who once again opened the arm barriers. And after some searching found point B.
As far as the instructor, and I (after some extensive digging into public records), could determine this incident was never official acknowledged. I found a few vague references to it in a few files; like in the retirement speech of the commanding officer of these men there was a vague reference to the "invasion of France".
oh, that happend also a few time between Switzerland and Liechtenstein when they get lost
@@enisra_bowmanI've heard that when one of the countries "invaded" the other and they came back with one additional person.
The ball and cups, pea and shells, 3 card monte, etc games are all slight of hand tricks. There's no object under any of the cups, it's in the hand of the performer. When the object is a hard object, the performer may tap it with a ring while they move it to make you think you hear it. If you watch close, usually they will either pull the cover back, revealing the object "under" the cover, where they placed it behind it a moment ago, or push it forward, so when they drop it and it rolls out from underneath it looks natural.
Pen and Teller do an amazing clear cup version that's still too fast to follow perfectly, lol
"Get your coat you are barred!" -Magicians circle
Simply use your earthbending to pull the rock under your cup of choice. Problem solved
Taking “make love not war” to a very literal place
I always enjoy the clip of Simon going "AAAAAAGH!" while wearing a Keep Calm t-shirt.
Every time Simon mentions Henry Kissinger and the fact that he’s dead now, all I can think of is this post from Tumblr:
“Jimmy Carter losing his wife and arch nemesis in the same week is some soap opera season finale shit.
God: Rosalynn, you’ve lived such a long and wonderful life. What would you like me to send to your beloved husband to let him know you’re being taken care of? A bird? A rainbow? A random sunbeam?
Rosalynn: Kill Henry Kissinger. He’ll know I asked. :)))”
Underrated comment. Rosalynn Carter would love this joke, I believe. Probably Jimmy, too.
“Where’s the cup? Find the cup!” Three of ‘em right there 😂
We need an OGBB!!!
Sam as memeologist/editor
Danny as mastermind/writer
(Still chained in the blazement)
And Whistle boi's antagonizingly long introduction! (preferably roaming... come on you'll get your steps in!)
And smack scripts
Are you an OGBB? I am but forgot name of the space heater
My grandfather worked on the 'flying saucer'. The main issue was the lack of control surfaces. As soon as it got a little off balance, there wasn't a good way to control it, and it'd start oscillating wildly until it got too off center from the column of air and just fell over. Still, like he said, it was a good starting point for directed thrust craft to come.
With all the defense spending, you knew that we could actually pay for?
Healthcare.
Lmao I love all the Simon whistler channels. All the writers. All the editors. Just. Nailing it with the content!!
the cups story is like how mobile game ads work nowadays a video of somebody playing a simple puzzle like a moron so you'll get the game and show them how it's done lol
That bit with the psychic. We should all do that, funny af
I like that clairvoyants were to have a convention but had to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances!
Do I need an appointment to see the psychic, or does he already know when I'm going to drop by?
He already knows, the appointment is for you, so he doesn't have multiple people showing up at once.
Allegedly
Appointment would be good, so he could tell you if Bob or Sue wanted to drop by at the same time.
Just watch Penn & Teller do the Cups and Balls routine and you'll know how that one works.
Penn & Teller do Three-Card-Monty in Run-DMC’s music video for “it’s Tricky.” (It’s awesome.)
_"Gays in the military just sounds wrong."_
--Simon Whistler
I thought the same thing... Bold of Simon too take that stance
It's honestly thr dumbest idea the military ever had. Like we want the men who won't be producing the next generation of children to be on the front lines don't we?
You should have time stamped it also. No time stamp means it didn't happen 😂
@@7-tenBe the change you wish to see in life!
@@THE-X-Force always swallow.
"Gays in the military just sounds wrong." --Simon Whistler
I can't imagine that soundbite being taken out of context in any negative way whatsoever. 😶
Just the opposite for me. I took as his him having good instinct because he's a good person, and good people call people "people", not just adjectives.
Gay PEOPLE in the military. Black PEOPLE in the neighborhood. Etc.
@@audreymuzingo933
The joke
.
.
.
Your head
@@jakepullman4914 Yeah pretend there was a joke and anyone who says there wasn't is too stupid to get it.
Your ability to mature beyond
-
-
-
Third grade playground tactics.
@@audreymuzingo933 You can't even do the
.
.
.
Joke right.
Lame.
And your self-reflection ability is disappointingly predictable. I would have been shocked if you'd admitted your mistake.
@@jakepullman4914 Ooo okay Jake you win, you do the stupid joke better than me.
"I don't know SOUNDS PRETTY *FUCKING* IMAGINATIVE to be honest a gay bomb?!?!"
Literally almost choked on my sip of soda I had just taken
The worst part of being traumatized is that people expect you to behave as if you aren't.
Editor... I did not need that 1 man 1 jar memory being re-opened. I had that shit suppressed!
i too had that suppressed. back to therapy I go.
I'm glad somebody else caught that
I can almost appreciate it. You can't flag a video for legs and jars. Well played, editor. Well played.
Rothaga. Lol
That guy just went to work afterward
Loved this!
Now back to 7+ hours of today I found out 🎉
3 cups and a pea. My granddaddy Bad Wolf taught me the trick. You’ve got to get good at palming the pea and tricking the mark into thinking it’s still under a cup.
Here in South Africa, an Afrikaans Sunday newspaper printed the same joke as the kittens joke in late 80s or early 90s, expect with a puppy whose name was Kapee (KP, the conservatives Party). A week later, the name was changed to Enpee (NP, National Party), same punchline.
"Gays in the military" does sound weird but I do admit that seems easier than saying LGBTQIA+. I say this as a queer person. You can't say "queers in the military" either because that doesn't sound right. God help anyone learning English and trying to sort through this stuff.
I think (also as a queer person) that, partly, they sound a bit odd because "gay" and "queer" are still assumed by many to be insults. Maybe "queer persons in the military" would work, without being *too* terribly clunky.
I’m queer as fuck and even I’m like why do we keep adding letters? It’s getting so confusing.
All my gay friends just use “the gays”
Lets be honest, theres an F word we're all avoiding using but because it could be misinterpreted and used as a sign of weakness...
But "Friends in the military" will never catch on because it sounds like the beginning of a conspiracy theory and people would just tune out immediately or it could be interpretated as be being friends with the enemy... AND Shame on you for thinking it was a different F word...
F*ck is a bad word, besides everyone knows the military is already full of f*cks....
“Gay people in the military” sounds fine. I think hearing the non-queer folks use “gays” as opposed to gay people” is a minor nuance that makes a big difference in context.
Simon counting change? Peruvian party powder prices pushing past palatable points?
I miss the alliteration. Danny needs to come back and stupefy Simon some more.
@@myrlyn1250 I do too but I will say Simon tends to nail alliteration as long as it’s not more of a tongue twister on top of that
@@slaytanicsabbath Alliteration he's fine with... try to get him to say "effortlessly" in one take.
Hell, if we can get a lawnmower to Serpo, we can build a Moon base.
I would watch 100 of these if Dave wrote them! I laughed so hard at his commentary.
Oh my god Simon! That’s my exact same hustler story! Although I was walking down from that place rather than going up. But bumped into those guys and also walked away safe and sound. But that’s my go to story as well.
10:21 Ehh, kinda sorta. Jacob's Ladder is about a Vietnam soldier who gets drugged and one of his fellow soldiers (all were drugged without knowledge or consent) guts him. The rest of the movie is a bizarre dual-world reality where Jacob is uncontrollably thrown between the different versions until the end credits where he finally dies on the stretcher in Vietnam, the entire movie having been a dying hallucination. The drug in the movie was a fictional version of the real (and used) drug BZ and was meant to bring out an almost evil rage, not so much the hot man buns time.
1 guy 3 jars wow... was not ready for that one..
Neither was he
4:15 - Mid roll ads
5:15 - Chapter 1 - United states army moonbase
7:50 - Chapter 2 - The gay bomb
10:30 - Chapter 3 - America accidentally bombed mexico
13:40 - Chapter 4 - Project 1794
15:45 - Chapter 5 - Soviet jokes for DDCI
The funny thing about other Dave's story is that he made an appointment and the "psychic" still said who is it
We’re here for the creatively bankrupt content
Simon having massive tangents in Dave's massive tangent is quite meta
1:27 the PTSD is real
Simon trying to share his trauma, but the British in him won't let him and insists on carrying on
800 billion per year. Not quite 1 trillion but it is still like half of the US federal budget every year.
It's actually well over a Trillion dollars annually but roughly 25% of the total defense budget is disguised as other things like foreign aid or agricultural subsidies, which then gets siphoned to the military industrial complex through backchannel accounting. I'd actually be impressed with the maddening craftiness of it all, except the government effectively takes 75% of my income in taxes.
Wow Simon. What a great episode. Thankyou to you and Dave.
You can catch that hustle in just about any major city on the planet.
Name dropping the city for that, instead of the "hill and statue" you went to see, is prime colonist behavior.
Bravo, Simon. 😂
in my opinion this was the best of the simon radio videos bc of simons enanced commentary. It takes a foreigner to realize those things about the American government. was really funny bc it made so much sense.
Simon, the movie that you're (not) looking for is called 'Don't ask don't tell', a science fiction comedy made in 2002 about Aliens using a "gay ray" to pacify Earth's population prior to invasion.
IIRC, it's an overdubbed version of 'Mole Men From the Moon'.
You're welcome! 😁😆
12 minutes 😮I can’t believe I’m this late to a brain blaze
Thanks for the film idea!
Great video.
Thanks Dave!
That's the Avro Arrowcar. A saucer shaped disc built by Canadian company Avro for the America. Military.
The avro arrow wasn’t disc shaped my guy
@@captcal it WAS supposed to say Avro Avrocar. BUT my auto-correct thought other wise
@@captcal en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avro_Canada_VZ-9_Avrocar
It's actually quite a crazy ass story. Especially since it was in the 50s it started
@@JustHear4DaPopkorn There's no way that such a design would get anywhere near the specs Simons quoted: top speed, range, max altitude. It's a giant turbofan that points downwards.
Can you make the tangent timer a permanent thing?
The Melbourne Sceptics Association once offered $100,000 to anyone who could prove they had an ESP experience, but I was sceptical they could produce $100,000
I saw the same hustle in Budapest on the same hill!! They use the other guy to make you want to give over money. I stayed for a couple minutes and actually watched someone get scammed. Couldn't believe it.
Brickleberry did the Gay Bomb. It was an amazingly funny episode...your welcome
The "Gay Bomb" has a parody used in the TV Get Smart movie called "The Nude Bomb" 😅
If the soldier next to you is in love with you, he's gonna fight a lot harder. Especially if he hasn't hit that yet...... (gross....hahahaha)
That was supposedly the thinking behind some ancient elite forces like the Sacred Band of Thebes.
Whistle, what is up with the random amount of change laying on your desk in front of you? 😂
3:54 Jesus, Simon! Other Daaavvvvveeeeeee!!!
We're like a minute in and into a tangent. No Tangent Timer?!
BOOM! And suddenly I am FABULOUS!!!
Making up for my seperate gripe post.
You are so talented and hard working. There is no luck in your success- I once heard the saying “Good luck is hard work meeting opportunity”. So funny and humble. I love the way you share your opinions and give us glimpses of your life whilst protecting their identities. I watch your channels religiously no matter the topic, I know you will make it interesting and entertaining…
Casual Criminalist should cover Martin Bryant massacre in Port Arthur - he lead to strict gun laws and confiscating and buying back weapons. It’s made such a difference it’s so hard to get guns now in Australia- all bc of this sick young man.
This could be my favourite brain blaze video ever purely for the editing
2:55 I guess you could call that a "Knock, knock, who's here?" joke.
1:29 no no no no no no no no no no no
You don't gotta be a psychic to see that a psychic is just a scammer that wants your money
Simon, if you told me that you loved me while strangling me to death, I think I might have to unsubscribe
Very true Temu Paul Rudd, very true.
@@OfficialDoyLum I genuinely don't know how to feel about that....but I guess I'll take it as a compliment?
If he told me he loved me while he strangled me to death, I’d have to watch his videos to the end and subscribe to his 30 new channels
operative word: "might"
The one man one jar reference 🤣🤣🤣
The man and a jar meme sent me 😂
We have a museum at a local army base that has 2 versions of “flying saucers” from the late 50’s and early 60’s. Impressive that they ever left the ground but not a functional aircraft.
I imagined that the Space Force would sent probes to serve as miniature moon bases.
When i seen three cups on ground my heart drops
You, Mister Simon, are a hustler. You hustle at work every day.
Simon not knowing much about Killenger, means someone needs to write that script. I'll be awaiting the biographic.
Simon doesn't do Biographics anymore. He could do Kissinger for Warographics.
That missile we accidentally send it to Mexico, where it landed.... was the zone of Silence/Zona de silencio. The missile hitting their is part of the zone of silence's Legend of crazy strange events that happen and have happened there.
Right! But there is more than one place with that name in Mexico. This one is Zona del Silencio in Bolson de Mapimi
@@ubserrano8180 well the one where the Missile hit is the one where they see weird flying silhouettes of people and hear Whispers and other creepy stuff that usually gets talked about on unknown mystery type channels
1:09 find the cup 🤔
AM I RIGHT PETER. The world is a good day. Simon here.
I like the kitten joke! 😂😂😂
HAHAHAHA!!!
"YOU!!! I wanna take you to a gay bar. I wanna take you to a gay bar.
GAY BAR, GAY BAR, GAY BAR. OOOOOHHHHH!!!"
Electric Six. Look it up.
I was doing something, so only half listening... And it took me a second to figure out if Dave was making a joke about becoming a pilot... realized he was talking about Simon.... 🤦♀️🤣
2024;and I saw multiple people trying to offer the shell game at Mardi Gras. I laughed.
Not the One Man One Jar meme lmao I wonder if Simon saw that video back in the day.
That saucer is sitting at the Transportation Museum on Joint Base Eustis in Newport News, Va if anyone wants to go see it.
Simon has a great voice.
I love Casual Criminalist, BUT , I subscribe to the Blaze to clean my brain with Simon's banter. I think that's why for every 1 Casual Criminalist video, Simon has to record 3 Blazes 😅
10:14 I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. I hang out in those communities online. From what I understand, "gay" seems to be the preferred word. "Homosexual" is generally deemed derogatory because a lot of religious extremists like to use it to harm others.
I traveled with someone that was instantly conned out of 20euro by the exact ball game with the fake player betting tons of money. My travel companion picked the right cup, (super freaking easy) and cup dude distracted my friend with some quick exchange and while he did that he quickly lifted the cup with his foot and rolled the ball into the next cup and then lifted the cup my friend has selected to reveal the empty cup. It was so fast and so good. My buddy burst into tears, and the guy who was fake betting followed us and gave my friend back their 20euro calling the other guy “a sheet, and absolute sheet”.
omfg the 1 guy 1 jar reference 😭😭
In 1993, I was 13 and downtown NYC. I knew it was a scam but Id thought, maybe he’d let me win a small steaks round to hook a bigger better since he had a decent little crowd standing around…. he did not, lol.
I’ve never spent a dollar gambling since, nor have I lost any bets! So I guess in the end he did me a favor!
dave is a fking legend. keep the intros coming
I think it's interesting that Simon shares some really POWERFUL information about how to manipulate him should you ever met him in real life. Like a fan would just have to say the words "Pedro Lopez" to send Simon into a quick spiral lol
"Mario Lopez"
Now S1m0ne is confused, but he is reasonably sure Screech st@bbed a guy.
Simons story about the cup hustle... the accompanying images at 1:30 were definitely not cups.. 😂😐☠️
I got emotionally scared at the 3 cups... Those are jars. No.. Simon why😢
The company that designed it was Avro, who funneled some of the funds into the Arrow, when the US army pulled the funding on the saucer project, they lost their cash flow for the arrow.
This is officially my fave BB ever lmao😂 they dropped their guns AND their pants. 😂😂😂😂 I’m still gonna tell it like it happened fr lmao
The TV show 30 Rock did the "Gay Bomb" in its 2nd season finale in 2008. The episode title was "Cooter"
As a fellow blind person, I feel Dave's pain when it comes to reading image files. The OCR included with JAWS is pretty good, but far from perfect.
7:26 Simon, we spent more than a trillion on a jet that didn’t work
Not so funfact regarding the missile accident, but less classified: the allies also sometimes accidentily bombed Switzerland, either by getting the target wrong or by throwing of the bombs "at that other town there" only for said town was accross the border
RE: the 'Gay Bomb' and Simon wondering if someone has made a movie of this - not quite, but almost: The makers of 'Get Smart' made a film called "The Nude Bomb" which dissolves clothes and, I'm assuming, the idea is to just get busy since everyone's naked anyway. Your mileage may vary.
You can prevent them from claiming it's real without proving it under very strict protocols (if done, would be the first time ever anywhere). But otherwise it's to close to stopping freedom of speech and or religion. Not to mention fairly large chunks of legitimate fiction (found footage style, first person works, ect.) would then be in danger as would stage magic and mentalist shows.
The US military budget is in fact just shy of a $1T.
1:57 I saw this scam going on in San Diego.
I put down 20$ and when he said find the ball!".
I said....its not this cup or this cup...lifting both those cups.and when I said so it must be this one....unless it's a scam..."reached for the cup and the guy smiled and gave me my 40$ winnings.didnt let me lift the third cup.