OB-GYNs Debunk 16 Postpartum And Breastfeeding Myths | Debunked
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- čas přidán 5. 06. 2024
- High-risk obstetricians Laura Riley and Dena Goffman debunk 16 postpartum myths. They talk about how breastfeeding will not prevent pregnancy, why baby bumps don't disappear right after you give birth, and how breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally. They also debunk the myth that you'll need to keep having C-sections if you've previously had one.
Riley is the chair of OB-GYN at NewYork-Presbyterian and Weill Cornell Medicine. She specializes in maternal fetal medicine. You can learn more about her work here: weillcornell.org/laura-e-rile...
Goffman is the chief of obstetrics at NewYork-Presbyterian and Columbia University. She is also a maternal fetal medicine specialist. You can learn more about her work here: www.columbiaobgyn.org/profile...
Timecodes:
0:00 Intro
0:40 Your baby bump disappears after you give birth.
1:15 Your vagina will become loose after giving birth.
1:53 You can have sex right after childbirth
2:40 Breastfeeding will come naturally.
4:06 Breastfeeding will help you lose all the baby weight quickly.
4:37 It's normal for nursing to hurt
5:44 Your milk supply can't be improved.
6:32 Breastfeeding makes your baby clingy and dependent
7:14 You shouldn't nurse if you're sick.
7:50 Breastfeeding will prevent pregnancy.
8:40 Everyone gets postpartum depression.
9:57 You will immediately fall in love with your baby.
10:40 Once you have one C-section, you'll need to keep having them
11:45 You won't have vaginal bleeding after a C-section
12:26 Severe headaches are normal when you're postpartum and overtired
13:41 It's better to have kids one right after the next.
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OB-GYNs Debunk 16 Postpartum And Breastfeeding Myths | Debunked - Věda a technologie
I don't let anyone say my baby is "clingy" or "needy." They're completely HELPLESS. Of Course they want to be with the one person who they recognize, who always meets their needs. And then attachment forms for the partner too. But it's just being a baby, there's nothing negative to it. I really leaned into supporting and nurturing (instead of pushing independence) the first year and a half. Now my oldest is very confident in taking steps to independence because of that early supportive foundation.
Totally agree with you! I was always told don't hold the baby too much, you'll spoil her😒 why would holding my child when she's crying or uncomfortable spoil her? Ppl say the most insensitive stupid things to new moms!
Don’t hold it for 24 hours let the baby breath.
@@mvzv3913 I guess it all depends what works for your family. I personally think structure and routine is hugely important no matter how old they are and that goes for sleep schedule as well. Reassuring your baby is different than holding her 24/7 at the slightest noise, kids that arent taught how to self sooth experience quite a bit of stress.
My son slept through the night after 2 months and hasnt woken us up since ( he s now 2.5) he had a bed from birth and the freedom to move around if he doesnt want to nap /wakes up early.
and he s a happy , confident , full energy child that loves people.
having been able to sleep and have parent time during is nap was important for our family dynamic - it might not be for yours.
In short, unless you do it with bad intentions or go too extreme one way, I dont think any loving parent gets is wrong. If your child feels loved and supported , you ve done your job
This is still a spectrum though you know? My sister has two kids. On this spectrum one was quite "average" and the other quite "clingy". the first one she could leave from time to time and even leave to be kept by us the aunts and grandma. The second one she does the gesture of handing her over to someone (while she is still there) and the poor little one starts crying (protest crying). They have different personalities and it's also nice to recognize and acknowledge such differences to adapt how you interact with them ^^
ps: I do agree that there is nothing negative in any of this. Apart maybe for you since if your baby needs more attention, it's more tiring :)
@@annabees right! I can see the difference between my children too, but like you said, it's the perception that that's somehow wrong.
I had a severe headache after my first c section. I kept telling them and they said it was normal. I told them that I had migraines before and this was NOT the same. They still discharged me. The next day after being discharged my leg swole up. I called the hospital and they told me to elevate my leg but I just went to the emergency room. I was readmitted as they found a huge pulmonary embolism! Just had my first baby and then was afraid I was going to die within 3 days. PLEASE fight for yourself!
Seriously! Advocate for yourself when no one else will!
@Kimmy I hope you’ve healed…
I’m truly sorry you went through this & empathize as I had a very dangerous postpartum complication (severe hemorrhage) also not taken seriously by my OB. Wishing you all the very best
I hope that you are okay now..
They almost killed my mom too after i was born...by not admitting her to the hospital...never let them tell you you are fine when you are not
That's so disrespectful and uneducated!
A good thing to note is your husband can suffer PTSD after childbirth. The birth of my first child didn’t go well…I had a natural birth but I tore really bad and almost hemorrhaged. After we had our son they immediately gave my son to my husband so I could go into surgery. For 4 months I couldn’t walk it hurt so bad and I noticed my husband during this time was avoiding me(not being mean mind you but he was off from his usual joyful self) When I talked with him about it, he bursted into tears and told me how he was afraid that he would loose me and he couldn’t get that memory of the birth out of his mind. He initially said he didn’t want to have any more kids because he didn’t want to see me in pain and suffering…he felt bad there was nothing he could do. I comforted him and my family did too but I think as wives you have to understand that although your going through the delivery and pain most of us have adrenaline and support around us but the dad a lot of times gets ignored or it should be assumed “you need to suck it up and be the strong one” it’s a lot for them to go through too and especially if they deeply love and care for you like my husband, he didn’t handle the stress well and it was hard for him to see me in so much pain.
We are pregnant now with our second and this time around I’m gonna be more aware of my husbands feelings. I may have to have a c section this time because my body didn’t heal correctly after my first childbirth (had to have another surgery and other procedures so I don’t know if my body can handle another natural birth) but I’m trusting in the Lord and I know he will work all things for my good.
Omgg this is so true, they always dismiss fathers and make fun of fathers when they faint or started throwing up. But like they’re looking at their lover their wife doing something that can cause death if not careful,they’re going to be so worried. My uncle started being so dizzy and always throwing up right after his wife got pregnant cuz he’s so worried but all of my friends are just laughing and saying thats so toxic since he’s not the one giving birth- like….education levels are low 👀
Amen, God Bless you and your family🕊
My dad got a vasectomy after seeing what pregnancy did to my mom
This was wonderful for you to share, thank you ❤️
I would worship a man if he said he didn't wanna have children with me.
Idk why but these two women have such calming presences to me
Likely a product of their profession. I’m sure they were already this way to a degree, but an OB needs to be calm, collected, and soothing. Pregnant women experience a lot of emotions/worry, and having a doctor that is able to stay calm and speak to you confidently/soothingly really helps. I know it’s helped me keep me levelheaded when things are going 300 miles a minute during pregnancy.
I am one of Dr. Riley’s patients. She is always like this.. she is very sweet.
Was thinking the exact same thing!!!!
My OB is very calm and soothing too... I love her lol she makes me feel safe. That's important if you let that person stick all sorts of medical devices in your vagina and tell them all about your sex life and let them fondle your breasts for breast cancer prevention... I never feel uncomfortable with her. And tbh I don't understand women who have male OB-GYN's lmao I'd feel soooooop uncomfortable!!
See and I'm currently pregnant with my 1st born, and the doctor that I was with at first was extremely grumpy and made it feel like I was a burden. I didn't know any better and I kept on with it for a while. But I asked around and learned I can switch doctors AND the practice. So I did. Best decision ever.
My sister had a hard time with breastfeeding, and her husband put so much pressure on her to breastfeed that I really think that caused her to develop postpartum depression. This is why men need to be educated too.
Also...stress lowers your milk supply. So if he was putting pressure on her, I'm sure it made it much worse.
Watching this video made me realize why I struggled with breastfeeding. My ex was always comparing my lack of milk with his sister who breastfeed easily. He gave me a hard time about everything in general. Now looking back I see why I struggled being a mother to my baby and why I couldn't get out of my "funk". Ladies please know you're worth so much more if you have someone in your life who does not support your body changes and emotional changes after your baby.
So why didn’t you step in and educate him
Yes. My man needed to read ALL the brestfeeding information I read, because even though I'm the one in charge, he should know and be able to help, when I need it. Every man who pressures his wife after birth to anything, should be dumbed immediately.
Yes. I am a postpartum nurse and see this all the time
I had my baby 2 weeks ago and people keep saying it’s “spoiling” her to hold her, and I keep telling them you can’t spoil a newborn baby 🧍🏾♀️ they need you, they rely on you for comfort and reassurance
Congratulations!! It isn't spoiling her. That is such an ancient idea. Don't even worry about them. Do what feels right for you. That's the key. Throughout your child's early years you'll find a lot of people giving you "advise" that, to you, seems wrong. Ignore them. This is all part of being a mom. And it doesn't matter if they crawl at 4 months or 6 months or potty train at 2 years or 3. Whatever. My son never crawled. He went right from laying on the floor to pulling himself into a standing position-- then proceeded to fall down on a regular basis for about 6 months. LOL! Every child has their own ideas. Respond to your little girl and what's happening and you'll be fine. They all get there in the end. (I held my son almost constantly for his first 4 months; he was colicky and I was a nervous 1st time mom. But we got through it.)
Right on
Hold your baby alllll you want!!!! They grow too fast so don't miss a moment of those sweet snuggles ❤
Hold your sweet baby as much as you want. Soak up all of those baby cuddles🥰 It is completely impossible to spoil a baby.
People will tell you a lot. Ignore them! Do what feels right to you. If you don't feel what to do, ask someone you feel is a good parent about their experience... and then still listen to your feelings.
I was a formula baby and at 24 I still follow my mom around like a little duckling 😅 Every situation is different but all babies need & deserve round the clock support and love. It's your job as a parent to provide them with unconditional love. To call an infant "clingy" or "spoiled" for getting the bare minimum of the affection they need for proper social/brain development is absurd.
this cannot be stressed enough. and people wonder why this world is going to shit. because parents have forgotten how that actually works. human parents are extinct.
i was raised on formula too ( i was a very sick baby) and even up to moving back in to take care of her and my own hospice until she passed i would always follow her around and lay my head on your lap. apparently im the only sister out of 3 that did this. 😂 i am glad to see i am not the only one ( she passed in 8/8/2018 and i was 29 at the time)
@@ladyivy21663 I'm so sorry that she passed away when you were young but it's so wonderful you took care of her until the end! My mom actually works in hospice and had an accident 2 years ago that left her in chronic pain. She still prefers to be somewhat independent but I try to help her with things that cause her pain, get her medicine out for her, and do the groceries/household chores in her stead. Love can take work but it's worth it for people who've treated you well!
@@Erinselysion i miss her i didnt want to have kids and i am 33 and having my first one alone. ( unplanned) i wish she was here.
@@ladyivy21663 I'm sorry you're experiencing that without her, I'm sure it's scary :( I have no doubt she'd be proud of you though, you'll always carry her in your heart and support you that way 💕
here's a myth that didn't get covered that i lived through
"There is no way for your baby to be allergic to your breast milk"
I was allergic to my mother's breast milk and almost died when the doctors kept insisting that my mom continue breastfeeding, i had jaundice, was mostly unresponsive, my kidneys and liver were shutting down and my breathing was loud raspy and "donkey-like" as i slept
the chances are very low somewhere around 1/10,000 according to statistics from the 90's not sure what the modern statistics are but it can happen and for those this does happen to it's not your fault you're not a bad mother it's just a misfortunate case where your child's allergies ruin it for both mother and child
One of my cousins was allergic to her mom's milk, too! She was born in the nineties, and it was a struggle to get a formula she could eat without issues.
It is often a sensitivity to something you're eating. There is only a need to stop breastfeeding if you remove allergens from your diet and see no change. My son would get very gassy and upset if I had peanuts (but not peanut butter) and if I had too much dairy. Cutting back on those helped him and he didn't spit up as much. Not saying that happened in your case, just that it is possible for a healthy mom to make her milk suit her baby's needs by altering her diet. Of course, fed is best, and if nothing else works, find a formula that works!
Humans are weird like that. Like some people go out into the sun their body is like, ATTACK! Water, ATTACK!!! Like, why immune system? why are you having an allergic reaction to the SUN?? I'm glad those aren't my allergies. Dude is allergic to water but we need water, and our bodies are made up of WATER, what the peanut butter!?!? Allergies must have been crazy to have before we know about them.
"John tried a strawberry today." "Oh how did that go? Did he like it?" "...Yeah not well. The funeral is tomorrow. Doctor thinks the strawberries had demons in them so after we're going to go burn down the patch."
"What happened to Henry?" "No idea, he just swelled up and died in the hay field by that new bees nest." "Wow, that happens a lot in his family. Think it's a curse?" "Well, yeah."
I was also allergic to breast milk and cows milk. I had a bunch of gross eye problems, to the point that the doctor wanted to do surgery (on a newborn!) on my tear ducts. Long story short, the solution was milk alternatives, which the doctor never suggested.
Whatever mom eat, goes to milk. So avoid the food which hurt baby. Like in my country we stop eating spicy and sour food. Some fruits too which effects the baby. We eat food which gives warmth to your body.
The entire concept of a "clingy" baby is wild to me. It's a baby! Literally helpless and dependent on the parent for survival /= clingy.
Exactly 👏
Time for the little leach to get a job! Shoes need to be made!
they don't need to be carried 24/7 to be alive
i think clingy babies are the ones who have to be carried around by someone all the time. Like they start crying when you put them down.
They are the ones that constantly cry and always need to be held.
I had a friend who went to the hospital for a severe headache not long after giving birth. She was sent home after being told it wasn't serious. She collapsed, was rushed back to the hospital and put on life support. She did not survive. Never take "no" or "it's nothing" when it comes to your health.
Was she black? Omg...why I won't have a kid
Pregnancy does increase the risk of stroke. It’s a dangerous state of being and that’s why I think it’s so barbaric some states can now force women to be pregnant, putting their life at risk.
@@nicolebrown5987 my initial thought too. Women are already dismissed and neglected but black women even more so.
Im sorry
May she rest in peace ♥️
@@nicolebrown5987 Yes she was.
These two doctors are my heroes. The specialist I had for both high risk pregnancies means so much to me. He truly saved my children, and that is not an exaggeration. My boys are now men ages 21 and 19. You would never know they were 29 and 34 weekers.
The severe headache comment hit close to home. I thought I was having a postpartum migraine and I was having postpartum preeclampsia. Never had any issues during pregnancy so it was a total surprise. I ended up in the emergency room and then had to stay at the hospital for three days until they could get my blood pressure under control. This should definitely be discussed more with patients so they can be aware of this. I waited almost 24 hours thinking it was just a severe migraine. I was as risk of a seizure or stroke my blood pressure was that high. Definitely don’t take a severe headache lightly
Clingy infants are shown to have performance problems once they enter the workforce at 8 months.
That made me laugh out loud! 🤣
Hahahahaha
And they will always going to be late of course...as they are clingy and morning is the most crucial for clingy
😂
Excuse m----
Wait a minute....
I think that the breastfeeding part is THE MOST misunderstood part of having a baby and THE MOST difficult part of the entire postpartum process and I wish I had more knowledge about it. It literally made me more and more depressed that I was failing at it, I suffered so much mentally because I felt that it was the most natural thing ever and that it should have come easily to me and the guilt that came with it! I wish I had known better!
I am so sorry that happened to you.
It almost happened to me too, but thankfully a nurse at the hospital saw how I wanted to be able to breastfeed, and helped us find a way to make it possible. It did take a lot of effort for the next week, put at last a was able to produce enough milk on my own.
Without that nurse I would not have been able to get my baby to breastfeed enough for me to actually make milk for him, and we would have ended up having to use a bottle.
Don’t be hard on yourself, although it is a natural process does not mean it comes easy. It’s glamorized and people don’t really talk about how painful it can be, chapped nipples, sometimes bleed. I was also blessed to have an informed pediatrician with my first born, turned out I had inverted nipples 🤷♀️. She gave me a syringe to use backwards to help pull them out so baby could latch.
Honestly it really depends on your providers knowledge and support that can make or break it.
Cause at the hospital the nurse I had was giving me bottles of formula for the baby even though I let them know I really wanted to breastfeed, I felt like an inconvenience to her. But the pediatrician was a godsend.
You are so right. It is the most difficult part of the postpartum period and has a bearing on your overall mental health during that vulnerable phase.
I can completely relate to feeling guilty and being incredibly hard on myself. My daughter was born 3 months premature and I had to literally jolt my body into producing milk because it technically wasn't time yet. The stress of producing milk while my daughter was in the NICU was unbearable. Thankfully I produced enough for her entire stay but once she was released the stress and depression set in and I couldn't supply her anymore.
Seriously! BF was harder than Unmedicated childbirth for me.
I’ve tried to increase my milk supply for weeks! I’ve tried lactation supplements, increasing caloric intake, nursing frequently, and power pumping. I got a slight increase but I’ve now had to do combo feeding with formula and breast milk. I felt horrible using formula for my baby but he wasn’t reaching his weight gain milestones. Anyway, don’t be afraid or feel ashamed to combo-feed! Just get the baby fed as best as you can :)
Formula is like a god sent for women. Definitely don't ever feel ashamed about it. Formula has saved so many babies since it was introduced into the world and people tend to forget that.
Turmeric and fenugreek both help
When I breastfed, I noticed sugar was my #1 supplier. Lots of junk
I have been struggling with same thing and considering supplementing with Formula. Especially the slow weight gain with our baby.
Fenugreek seeds put in hot water is a tea you can drink. Watch your milk supply increase.
I wish people talked about postpartum depression more. Especially how it's not always about feeling sad. After my daughter was born I did end up having postpartum depression but not the depressed side, I had the anger side. I felt so angry towards my husband for feeling like he wasn't doing enough to help me. I came to the realization on my own that I was being awful to him and began Googling ALL the symptoms of postpartum depression. Apparently anger is a symptom, just not as common or as talked about.
Nobody seems ready to talk about anger in women as a normal symptom and something they need help with, not shame.
Thank you for sharing. My mom had a lot of anger during pregnancy, and I haven't heard of anyone else sharing that. So hearing about it postpartum is also super helpful to know about, now that I'm pregnant
I am a midwife. Thank you for the "Breastfeeding is a team sport" quote. I will tell this to the women because thats what it is ❤️
I want to be a midwife when I'm older 😭
@@amazingperson6305 that's a beautiful dream!
@@myheartwillstopinjoy8142 Thank youuu
@@amazingperson6305 you're already an amazing person
@@gabriellagodsent9012 I agree 💚
After my first pregnancy (many years ago) my DOCTOR was the one who told me that exclusively breastfeeding was birth control. Thankfully I didn't believe her.
She was partially right, but you need to be feeding at least every 4 hours, 24 hours a day, exclusively. And a lot of women aren't feeding that frequently for long.
@@vanderbam2741 right! I don’t use pacifiers and only physically breastfed and it works for me. I’m pregnant with my fourth and enjoy between 16-18months of no period or fertility. Luckily I researched a lot because with my first he was 4 months and sleeping 4-6 hours at night for a week or two. I told my husband we have to be careful. Shortly after I spotted for a few days then my son went through sleep regression and I was back on track. After my kids turn 9-10 months, sleeping longer stretches doesn’t bring my period back immediately.
Kenicia Gold and you need to have no period during breastfeeding. I got mine at 4 months postpartum although I was breastfeeding exclusively.
@@luiza2021 you would presumably have been feeding less frequently at 4 months though, even if exclusively bf.
It’s true though!! Exclusively breastfeeding, and not having intercourse. 🤣
My question is, why don't doctors go over all of this with you at the hospital? I was told I had to have a c-section, during my second pregnancy, because I had one for my first pregnancy. By every single nurse and doctor I saw.
Because money and hospitals are at the end of the day a business and not a social service (assuming you’re in the USA)
I feel your pain.
Hopefully this changes as time goes on. Seeing this video gives me hope that more doctors and nurses in the hostpital system understand that vaginal delivery is 100% possible in many women after c-section.
this is totally absurd. that hospital may be corrupted and to earn more they tell people that. I have a friend who had a c-sec with a her first kid and vaginal birth with the second one so it’s totally a nonsense what they told you.
It is common knowledge now that you don't always have to have C-sections. Sounds like you were unfortunate to have uninformed doctors.
I’m so glad they mentioned that the non-maternal parent _can_ experience baby blues or postpartum! It definitely does happen - my male cousin’s been through it with his daughter! And his experience and emotions during and after pregnancy is just as valid, along with all the other fathers or non-maternal parents out there!
You can just say "Father". There's a word for it.
@@swatir.567 I was about to reply this. Incels tried to make women unhuman, but these folks take it to the next level lmao
I thought he meant fathers and mothers without maternal instincts. Im still not sure I understand what his saying.
@@necabibi3558Lesbian couples where one is pregnant for example.
Anyone who can’t breastfeed please do not let any doctor or midwife make you feel lesser. A midwife made my mom feel terrible because she couldn’t breastfeed for me but I’m perfectly fine. Remember everyone’s different and your experience won’t be the same as others!
As someone who has done both with my son, you can absolutely bond the same doing either. They are both special and I hate when people make it sound like it's not.
I absolutely agree but I'm also sick of formular feeding mum bullying me to put my baby on formular because for some of them thats all they know.
This is just one perspective, from one mom (me) and a few things NO ONE ever told me before it happened.
Anyone who worries about when they'll have sex again after giving birth... Here's a little reality check: You "menstruate" heavily (even if you never had a heavy flow before) for about 6 weeks after giving birth. This is normal. The body is still producing extra blood for the uterus and it is passed through the vagina. WHY the doctors are not explicit about this is beyond me. Just like, during your last trimester you will probably have to wear a sanitary napkin 24/7 to handle urinary leakage, which occurs regularly during that phase. Even my own doctor did not tell me this or suggest wearing a SN. I just did it and when I mentioned it to her, she said, "you only started now?" Like, why didn't you say something to ME-- you're my doctor!
Also -- and I don't know if I'm weird but this is what happened with me through nursing two babies -- I couldn't lose weight at all until they stopped nursing. If I dieted, I felt so sick I couldn't function. It was like my body was saying, "oh, no you don't!" Like it intended to keep every extra pound on in case it was needed. Which was fine, in the long run. I didn't lose any weight until a few months after nursing ended with both children. But by the time my youngest was 5 -- and after endless work out sessions -- my ob/gyn couldn't believe I'd even had a baby. Oh, and stretch marks disappear eventually, too. But this takes time (think, years) and exercise. It may seem daunting or discouraging but the time passes and, when it's all over (i.e., your youngest is in school), you're still only in your 30's or early 40's. As I'm 60 and still working out and am still in good shape, I can look back and realize what a short time that was.
As for nursing, no. No one knows how to nurse automatically. In fact, many 1st time mothers in all mammalian species are terrible mothers after their first birth. Not only do they not nurse they will push their babies away. This is especially true with cats because they are rarely in a setting where they see other mothers and learn from them. Even if you read up on it and take classes, nothing prepares you for the emotional side of it. Once I did start nursing I became furious at the advertising and entertainment industries for turning what is essentially a nurturing part of a woman's body into something sexual. Because that is actually the hardest part of the experience: changing your perception of your breasts. No, they are not there to be appealing to men but to nurse babies. And, yes, that will change your perception of men forever.
Even if you nurse the full time (up to 2 years), the whole experience is such a short time in your life. I now think of it like the big wedding versus a great marriage. You can have a simple wedding and be married for 50 years; you have a crazy-big wedding and be divorced two years later (and vice versa). One has nothing to do with the other. But it is a very special time that you should cherish. Really. Now, getting past teething, that's the trick. Oh, but you don't nurse as often for the whole time. After they go on food (3-6 months) it gradually subsides. But it's important to continue nursing at that point and beyond so they have things like immunities and addition nutrients that they just don't get, even in formula. Generally, 1-2 years is the usual time and by the end of the 2nd year it's just a comfort thing before bedtime.
Speaking of losing weight / exercising, if you ask me the best way to prepare for child birth is to exercise. I was always active and exercised regularly (before and after I had my children.) When I became pregnant, it felt like everyone was so cautious that they were discouraging me. During my first pregnancy, when you're super anxious about doing every thing right, I tried to exercise but was so worried I'd hurt the baby that I really didn't do much -- mostly aerobics for pregnancy. Mind you, I had always run/jogged before. Toward the end of the pregnancy, someone said the best exercises are swimming and biking. Great. Well, when I got pregnant the 2nd time, I bought an exercise bike and went on it every day. I felt SO MUCH better and the birth was so easy I wish I had done that the first time. When you think about it, giving birth is like running a marathon. Do you think it's a good idea to sit around for 7-9 months before you run a marathon? Or, should you do something to prepare for it? And cycling is excellent-- it's low-impact so it won't affect soft joints and it works the exact muscles you need during delivery. I built up by 5-minute-per-week increments and was dong 30-45 minutes a day through most of my pregnancy. (I read books to stay entertained.)
Lastly, I don't know if this would be considered bonding or not, but the biggest surprise I had when I gave birth to my first child was how I could see his whole personality in an instant. Again, maybe I'm weird. Or, maybe that's just a weird way to think of it. All I know is I was astonished to find he was never "a baby." He was a person right from day one. And I saw this when no one else did. Oh, and? Those two people are still exactly same people they were when I met them. :) They are now 34 and 31. But they're still my babies.
Thanks for sharing, very interesting, especially the part on exercising in pregnancy
Makes sense to be active, while still making sure you’re not exaggerating with it ir putting the baby in danger ;)
This was very informative. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
Expecting my second one and found so much inspiration in your post. Thank you for taking the time to write about your experience ❤️
Thank you so much for your first-hand wisdom!
Thank you!!
I’m currently pregnant, This is my third pregnancy and I still found this very informative and you ladies are very calming . Informative without being scary. ☺️
Had my first child 29 years ago... listening to these two lovely women has brought back a flood of memories and they had me chuckling at some of the descriptions! Thank you for posting this, its enlightening and hopefully when viewed by pregnant ladies will shed some light on the mysteries of childbirth and after care for both mum and baby
I became so postpartum depressed because I thought something was wrong with me because getting breastfeeding to work was so much harder than I was told. This will help many mama's.
Yes! On the 3rd day ,in the hospital hotel, I was sobbing while hugging my baby cause I felt like a failure. He wouldn't latch properly and though I could feel the milk inside, had no way to get it out...
Crying because he was hungry.
After we hired a lactation consultant she helped with his latch, and explained everything to me. Not only is he my first, but every baby is different!
Now he's almost a year old, and he's been great. I'm lucky that my supply is huge, and iv been able to successfully breastfeed him- and pump so I have a huge stash in the freezer.
Fed is best is my motto. I never even bothered to try breast feeding by first because of going back to work but I tried with the second I tried and couldn’t make it work. I have PCOS and didn’t make enough milk. Its ok. I just bottle fed and my kiddos turned out just fine!! No guilt. Its ok.
@@shevahauser1780 so true. My first was so hard to breast feed when we started but did amazing after some assistance. But my new baby just latched the second she was my chest eating just great.
@ Sheva they seem to forget to tell women that it takes a few days to develop supply and the first few days are rough. The first few days is mostly colostrum!
@@panda5122 very true the problem for my first was he wouldn't latch properly.
I say breastfeeding is natural but it's not automatic. A combination of factors makes for successful breastfeeding: support, rest, patience, a good latch
Very true my son came out ready to feed he latched on straight away so it made it easy for me as the more he drank the more milk I made
@@cocobenjamin2940 He was a quick study lol. In my case, my son received a high dose of pethidine through my bloodstream (failed induction, emergency c) which I wasn't told could affect his alertness and latch which it did for about 3 weeks. Ultimately it was best for his physical health and my mental health to supplement with formula until my breast milk waned at 10 weeks. Now he's quite a lean and very clever little thing
This may be true for some but some women lack the tissue needed to successfully breast feed. I tried for 6 months with my first and not once did I ever get more then 25mL per feed (that’s over a 30 min apt)
@@TheBeccaboorocks There's that as well! Breastfeeding material needs to be a bit more rooted in these realities. By leaving them out, we risk harming mothers and babies and paradoxically set the stage for less likelihood of success where it might have been possible. My inability to nurse my child and abusive attempts to help by hospital staff (when I wasn't being accused by nurses of forcing them to commit a crime by asking for my baby to be fed with formula, I had to deal with a nurse who actually rammed my sore nipples into my screaming baby's mouth) set the stage for PPA so severe that I would get panic attacks when anyone brought up breastfeeding and why I wasn't doing it, as if I owed them an answer! Thank God for my husband and MIL who fended off the breast police while I healed emotionally and physically. Needless to say, breastfeeding is not in my future plans as even 2 years later I still find those memories and the helplessness and shame I felt distressing.
@@kimzales87 my sister has been an OB nurse for years then had her first baby. She could not breastfeed. She had a difficult delivery and became extremely anemic due to blood loss. Anemia will prevent your pituitary gland from releasing prolactin to initiate breastfeeding. Even as a nurse, she didn’t know this and her doctors didn’t warn her. Another example of how sometimes circumstances beyond control affect a woman’s ability to breastfeed.
Baby blues hit me so hard with my second child. I remember crying 10x a day for a week straight. My daughters male pediatrician asked how mom is doing and I broke down because a PEDIATRICIAN was there for me, and recognized I was not okay. My husband told him I needed some help and they helped me get through it. I'm having a baby boy in October now and I know my steps for when I get baby blues again
Did you have a better experience?
@@heiroot I did 😊
Pregnant with my first baby and I have been trying to absorb all of the information I can to prepare myself and to know what I’m getting into. I helped raise 4 of my nieces and nephews as a teen but it definitely isn’t going to be the same and I just feel the need to get all of the information I can. I appreciate this video, you women are so well spoken and knowledgeable and I love it🥰🥰🥰
Mom of 2 here. :D Anything ya wanna know ask meeeee :D
I appreciate that my mom was honest about breastfeeding. She straight up told me it would be very uncomfortable and probably painful at first. Another important factor is making sure they are properly latched otherwise it can be extremely painful!
Yes! Truth these doctors hedged on: it can hurt at first, even if they are properly latched! Just give it time.
For me it has worked out, but it feels a bit like putting your nipples through boot camp!
They're gonna be tender and sore and it takes time for them to be able to handle that much suction that often.
Tongue ties too! Can be a big pain for some depending on severity especially.
How do you know the baby is properly latched? what is properly latched
Agree, the message that proper breastfeeding "shouldn't hurt" actually will make many think they're doing it wrong and make the whole situation more stressful. Maybe because after the first few weeks it stops hurting so many moms forget just how bad it was? If it hurts, I recommend nipple shields to get through and have baby gain weight and both develop confidence at nursing. Afterwards you can always wean off the shields (my baby cold turkey quit those shields!)
I did not immediately fall in love with my baby. I immediately loved my baby, but it was hard to bond at first. I think opiums definitely did not help the situation either and made me feel even more detached. It wasn't until I was done taking pain medication that I was finally able to bond with my second child. With my first, it took me a few days to start bonding with her(simply because I had a very difficult time recovering from laboring for a long time and then a c section on top of it). Personally, I needed to get to know both of my babies. I'm the kind of person that needs to truly get to know someone to form a bond with that person, so I didn't expect it to be any different with my own children. First day, they felt like strangers to me, and in a sense they were. They were new to the world and I was going to have to get to know them. I bond even more with my children once they start to show more personality traits at around 9M+. I think this is quite normal for a lot of people, they just don't say anything because they're afraid of being judged
Yeah, I think being unable to bond initially is super normal. You literally birthed a stranger. Both of you are strangers haha It takes time!
👏👏👏 exactly!!! I felt the same way. It takes time and people do judge you but what’s sick is other women are judging you who totally had the same experience. Not sure why everyone wants to pretend it’s all so great and lovely.
I lost my baby due to negligence, the nurses in Jamaica are really evil,they waited until my baby's heart beat dropped before they decided to call a doctor and let me do a csection, they didn't even move with any urgency, my baby ended up poop inside and swallowed it and died, i was in so much pain from labouring for 13 hrs without any medication so when i finally got the epidural and they took the baby out and i saw her lifeless body laying there on a table i didn't feel any emotions at the time bcuz i was so traumatized and just wanted them to take her out, it's been 2 weeks and I'm only now really feeling the pain and heart ache that my sweet angel is no longer here
I had the exact same birth experience as you with your first. 17 hours of unmedicated contractions, an epidural, and 3 hours of pushing with him not moving a centimeter to then need a c-section. I was in so much pain and so hazy from the experience and recovery that I did not bond with my baby for weeks. I couldn't even hold him for the first two weeks. For anyone reading this, it gets better!! For me, it was around 4-5 months when I finally felt like I loved him deeply.
@@sharicampbell5947 I am so sorry to hear that. It's a lot on the brain to process everything we go through during birth, so please don't feel guilt for just now realizing what happened to you. That is absolutely traumatizing and my heart is breaking for you. I will say a prayer for you tonight!
Oh, I liked their answer about having kids one right after the other. My mom had severe complications when she got pregnant right after me, so bad she miscarried and nearly died on the table. After that, she only had 3 successful pregnancies and 5 miscarriages since they were so close together. Her main problem was that birth control never really worked for her since either the birth control failed or she ovulated twice a month. Because I knew this, I made sure that my kids were about two years apart in age, so I never had the same complications, but it certainly scared me when the first time I got pregnant I had abdominal pain early on and thought I was possibly miscarrying. Thankfully that never happened, but it was still a big concern for me.
if these two women were my obstetricians I would feel so comforted and empowered as they’re kind and encouraging. They’re the kind of doctors who always have the patients’ wellbeing at heart.
@6:24 this video shows stock footage of a woman breastfeeding in a moving vehicle. This is a huge safety issue. NEVER feed a baby in a moving vehicle. NEVER unbuckle a baby or child from their car seat in a moving vehicle. Not even for a minute. It only takes a split second for tragedy to happen.
I quite literally gasped when I saw that. That’s when i clicked pause and came to the comments to see if anyone noticed it! I’m shocked they would include a clip like that
yeah this was disturbing to say the least
@@KellyAKaminski same! I'm shocked they used that clip and I hope nobody sees that and thinks it's a good idea.
I’m shocked the filmmakers thought it was ok as well.
That is exactly how my sister’s baby died - car crash while breastfeeding.
I don’t want kids but this is interesting and good to know! Demystifying motherhood & birth. Less judgment from all ends & more understanding and compassion
I’m starting to think about having children in the next 5-10 years, so it’s really good to have this type of information available to me. It’s helping me make an informed decision
This video is awesome at talking about these topics. One thing I wish someone had told me to be aware of is post partum psychosis. They talk about PPD and even PPA but there's more. I was constantly terrified feeling like "something" was following me, after me and my baby. I even would get episodes of terror and panic that my baby wasn't my baby. That he was a Demon or swapped with something not human. So much more and I learned other women went through the same or similar. None of us were told that it was possible. Even in articles and books it was never mentioned.
I agree, post partum psychosis isn't well known enough. This needs to be a discussion with all pregnant women. I am sorry you went through this and you weren't given education by your healthcare providers before hand. I hope things are better for you know. And, I hope there continues to be more discussion around post partum psychosis
How did you get help? did it go away by itself?
My sister has a 4 month old, and her nurse keeps telling her that the baby needs to feed x amount of times during the day, or the baby won't get enough milk. My sister is constantly stressed about this, cause her baby won't eat that many times. She just straight up refuses.
My sister is panicked about this and fears her child will starve, because this nurse keeps insisting that she needs to feed this many times. The baby is totally healthy, above the curve for height and weight for her age, and she eats fine, as long as she's hungry.
There are so many rigid rules that are enforced on parents (especially new parents) that I wonder why anyone wants to have a baby. I would be terrified of just about everything.
I had this issue until I had a lactation consultant tell me "feed baby when baby is hungry, not everyone needs to have a schedule." I later got in the field, and nurses leave mom's stressed sometimes more than the childbirth. Let your sister know, if this is a current issue, that it's okay to feed baby as baby demands, and they will gain weight according. If she stresses too much it will have effects on her milk supply. Tell her before feeding to take several deep breaths and focus on it as a bonding moment, and try to release her fears. I know it's harder than it sounds, but it will hopefully help her a lot. Good luck for her!
Your poor sister. This rule to feed all x hours or x times a day is so old and so wrong and still so many people belive it. That so sad.
She needs to report that nurse.
I mean... imagine your grandma following you around at Christmas, trying to foist second and third helpings on you when you've already eaten. Would that be fun? No.
Feed. The. Baby. When. They're. Hungry.
@@rosem7042 oh you know my nana?
The myth of breastfeeding being immediately comfortable caused me so much strife.
THANK YOU for sharing the truth about how our bodies produce milk! True, it doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes it really is user error. If your baby is hungry, nurse him, even if it's "not time" yet. That stimulation will tell your body "hey, make more next time". For most moms, nursing often is better for milk production than nursing on a strict schedule.
I've heard conflicting advice on this. I've heard that it's much better for a baby to totally drain your boob. 1. Because they get the really good fatty hind milk and 2. An empty breast signals to your body that it needs to make more milk and babies snacking all the time without draining the breast doesn't send your body that signal. My sister exclusively breastfed twins for a year and kept them on a schedule. She wasn't super strict. If they were hungry twenty minutes before it was time, she went ahead and fed them of course, but she made enough milk for both of them and pumped after they were done nursing to make sure her breasts were fully drained and stored whatever extra she got. She had enough leftover milk to be able to give them an extra month or two of nighttime bottles of breastmilk after they stopped nursing from her just from thawing out her extra frozen milk. My best friend, on the other hand, did the feed on demand thing. She struggled with supply with all 4 of her kids and only made it nursing for a few months before switching to formula. And I'm sure different people have different experiences. I've just witnessed the schedule feeding working much better than the snacking style of feeding. My mom breastfed 4 kids and also used a schedule and she never had supply issues either except with my brother (her first), but she was young and realized after the fact that she wasn't eating enough while trying to breastfeed him. She still made it exclusively breastfeeding for 7 months with him. With the rest of us, she had no issues because she learned she needed to eat more.
Thank you! You're both so nice. Breastfeeding was the easiest thing for me, I breastfed 2 sons, each time milk came on the second day and there was plenty of it. I've almost never had an issue with it, so I'm grateful for it and I wish it was as easy for every mom 🌼
Breastfeeding is a socialised art. In cultures where women breastfeed anywhere anytime, women grow up seeing it and for those societies, yes, breastfeeding does come more naturally. But that's in societies where breasts aren't sexualised
yes, YESSSSSS!!!! It use to not be an isdue in this country but changed around the 50's I think.
I don’t think breasts should ever be sexualised to be honest..
I mean a woman’s whole body is sexualised.
But breasts are for babies not men.
I don’t like how that part of me
Is so stigmatised
We change this by being the change. Breastfeeding in public. Not making a big deal out of it, normalizing it in our circles. The more of us that do this, the more society will change.
,,👍👍👏👏👏
@@FieldTrippers agree 100%
I so wish they had mentioned the myth that every person who gives birth CAN breastfeed. I’m glad they did say that weighing your baby is how you know that it’s working, but it’s not rare for people to have low supply that can’t be sufficiently increased, or other complications that prevent breast feeding. So many sources I read said that most women who worry that they aren’t producing enough milk are wrong, that I thought I was crazy when it didn’t seem like my baby was gaining weight. It turns out he wasn’t, even though I was feeding him constantly. I wish SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE had said “most women produce enough milk, but 12-15% of women have significant trouble breastfeeding and may need to supplement. If you are worried about your milk supply, weigh your baby on a reliable scale at home, or request a weight check at your clinic to make sure your baby is gaining weight appropriately.” That would have been really helpful. Instead, it seems like most sources are so concerned about encouraging women to breastfeed, that they are afraid to include the information that they might not be able to.
Yes! A million times yes!!
I physically could not breastfeed no matter what I did and it was so hard to come to terms with. Then, a few years after my youngest was born, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. They're still doing research to see if it's connected or not.
This is why I'm afraid of having my own. So much misinformation and so confusing like. . we're in 2021 come on. I'm sorry you ladies are going through it but we're learning
Yes! I also wish they would emphasize that if you’re someone that can’t breastfeed or has insufficient supply, it’s not your fault. You’re not letting down your baby. You’re not failing as a mother. Or any of that other stuff we do often end up telling ourselves.
And we don’t just tell ourselves that stuff. I had a lactation counselor tell me I was already a failure as a mother when my baby was less than a day old because I had a (emergency) c-section and because I allowed the nursery/NICU to give my baby formula because his his blood sugar was dangerously low.
I’m certain that my breastfeeding struggles and the pressure put on me by lactation counselors, by society, and myself were a huge contributing factor in my postpartum depression/anxiety.
i had a breast reduction about 2 years ago, im pregnant now and im so worried about not having sufficient milk supply, we'll see in 4 months
I’m so glad hearing breastfeeding not come naturally. Both my kids had lip ties that people refused to diagnose and I ended up bottle feeding but I felt so bad for “failing”
When my only child was very little, like, two or something, I met with one of my girlfriends (and her crappy parents) to hang out because we had not seen each other in forever. My daughter was fussing for some reason,and was two, but not yet potty trained. So at the park we were walking laps around the block, and then going to stop for ice cream at the next corner for a break. My daughter fussed and I needed to pick her up from the stroller for a minute. My friends mom told me at that moment "oh, you shouldn't rush to hold kids like that the second they fuss, it will spoil them, haha!"
I was taken aback. My very young child needed me for some reason, and wanted to be held. I wasn't going to let her just "cry it out." My friend's mother had 5 girls with various men and free range parented, which led to them getting into drama of some sort growing up because they were neglected. Someone doesn't tell me how to treat my kid.
Very much loved, and I am involved in my kids life.
I found breastfeeding to be difficult the first couple of days. After that it was pretty easy. I agree, it was painful in the beginning and then it gets better. Currently, on my second baby.
I've never had any pain during breastfeeding maybe I was lucky but I feel like pain means something is wrong.
Difficult yes, also for the baby a learning process. But if it is painful then there is something wrong and it is best to get help.
I only felt pain when My youngest was getting too old already.
My son latched wrong and it was strong. I definitely experienced pain for a few months until he learned to latch right. I readjusted him every time but it took about 3 months until he latched right on his own.
Well everyone is so glad that your titties just did all of the work for you. Your comment is so helpful! Congratulations.
CZcams recommendations:
Oh here’s a single dude in his early twenties, let’s recommend him a video on breastfeeding.
Did you watch it until finish though? 😆
As long as you plan to have kids, work with people who have kids or plan to have clients/employees with kids this will be vital for adulthood knowledge
No harm in educating yourself 😁
More dudes need to know this too not just women. Just like how it's universal info that getting hit in the balls hurts. Everyone knows not to do that.
Why not? Maybe it will help you down the road and your partner will feel supported. Besides, it's good to know stuff
I had my last baby in 2013 and even at that time I was left in the dark about my low milk production. Nobody seemed to care, my doctor or the pediatrician. They just kept telling me how important it is to breast feed but didnt acknowledge that I wasn't producing enough 😩 I was only producing a tea spoon per breast 🤷🏽♀️ I hope this has improved now.
I so appreciate professionals validating what seems to me is obviously real. I'd also like to add is that when I had my first I was so excited to have him and had a great natural water birth and totally expected those euphoric feeling other friends said they'd experienced. I did not feel that. I was super happy to have my husband take my baby right away so I could pay attention to my self. My midwife could see that I was wondering if something was wrong and she reassured me that I was in shock from tearing and I still had work to do to get the placenta out so it made total sense that my body was happy to have someone else pay attention to my baby. It was only after everything was done and I had a good meal in my belly that I felt good about holding him.
Yep! When I had my firstborn and saw her for the first time, in my delirium I thought "she looks really Asian" lol we are not Asian...
I didn't bond with her for 18 months. It was horrible, she was a very colicky baby and I had postpartum depression that wasn't addressed until 9 months postpartum. Opera music bonded us, we both love it lol
I've heard of stories of other women feeling ignored or neglected right after the birth
With each of my kids, even with proper positioning, breastfeeding felt slightly uncomfortable for up to 3 weeks. I think it’s normal and after it never hurts again.
CZcams recommended this even though I’m a single dad who raised my kids by myself. Hopefully my following comments are seen as helpful:
1 - “Should not” have sex right after… seems more accurate - I know a family with two kids 9 months apart (they openly told me when conception happened - day she came home and yes there were problems and resulted in the younger having lifelong challenges).
2 - There are mothers who, despite every effort, can not breastfeed and due to social pressures and biases feel extremely guilty and have a negative view of themselves (as a single dad I can relate to being subjected to bias). I watched the video hoping this would be addressed better and found it was not. I think it’s horrible for a mom to think she is a failure because her body won’t let her feed her baby the way [she feels like] society is telling her she should be able to “with a little work”.
Oh I’m sure I speak for many when I say “thanks for mansplaining that to us simple minded women folk who know nothing about our bodies, pregnancy or sex”
Silly me was listening to the ob-gyn specialists, thinking _they_ knew what they were talking about, when of course all I needed was a man to explain to me. 😵💫🤦♀️🥺😵💫🤦♀️🥺
@@JulieWallis1963 is it just me or does this seem kinda agressive the guys just tryna help with additional knowledge incase someone wants them, i dont think hes mansplaining, could just be me though
btw im a girl
@@hii___bored9836 no, you're right, she's mad
Great comments, thanks :)
@@JulieWallis1963 bruh chill out. You don't seem edgy, you seem annoying. The video didn't really talk much about how having a baby too close to another one can put stress on a woman's body, so he's pointing that out to remind people that they shouldn't ask when someone is having another kid. Also the breastfeeding thing is so important also, and again the video didn't talk about the societal pressure mom's deal with with breastfeeding vs formula. The more people who talk about these things the better, as it de-stigmatizes and educates more people. Chill
I was 9 months postpartum with my second when I got pregnant and I am currently on bed rest for preterm labor. I definitely was more under the impression that my body would know better what it was doing rather than not being able to handle it bc it was too soon. Definitely suggest waiting a little bit longer!
I'm expecting my first after a miscarriage and have been so worried I'm doing things wrong..and then worrying that all the worrying could hurt my baby. This video helped me so much! I knew the breastfeeding being birthcontrol thing was crap even when my mom spent forever trying to convince me otherwise.
I had a baby 6 weeks ago. But my pregnancy weight shed off right with the delivery and now I am slightly lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight. The bump is gone with a belly binder. But still recovering.
Even though I had enough milk, my baby couldn't latch and then she just refuses to breastfeed directly. She is fine with bm in bottle. She can latch now and feed directly, but she simply won't swallow and falls asleep.
Bottom line, as long as your baby is healthy and happy, do whatever works for you and your baby.
Yes yes
Every baby and mama is different
Everyone doesnt fit into one box
True for you but this is not the reality for majority women
Yes this happened to me I lost all the weight in the first 6 week, I was much lighter than my pre pregnancy weight but the weight does come back unless ur watching what u eat which is difficult to do because U get so hungry and obviously not eating isn’t great when breastfeeding
@@toluasaolu I didn't say it is . Even I'm rather on the thicker side snd by no means skinny. I said each person is different and one should do what suits her.
@@87Lohan Perhaps. But I'm trying to eat more balanced plate with nutrition in focus. Baby or no, eating healthy keeps my hunger pangs snd binges at bay and tend to shed off some weightd. I'm just sticking to it.
'Some people don't realize they're pregnant because they were still breastfeeding'
And that's why I exist 🤘
But that's crazy??? That's like the period myth
She never got her period i think. Just got fertile, got cozy and then 4 months later found out 😂 they were happy though haha it was just a but quick.
Happened to me
@@jeannenora6113 yep I wonder how many babies exist because of women not thinking they're fertile after birth 😅 to be fair it's not as if they teach you this well in school
Same with my brothers
May I add how these physicians have a really calming voice in addition to the knowledge their imparting are the comfort and like an assurance through the way they speak.
I had got a c- section and when they closed me up. They was playing hip-hop music and everyone was so calm but fast like they done this a bunch of times before. My stomach looks great.❤️❤️❤️ I am so great full for nurses and doctors yall are amazing. I would love to be a nurse or doctor but the fear is to strong. ❤️❤️
Both of their voices are so soothing
I appreciate this video; however, I do wish there was a mention that there are women with limited or even no milk supply due to hypoplasia, insufficient glandular tissue, etc. This seems to never be mentioned as a possibility for some people.
I think they may have addressed this in some other videos since they have made a few. I think this one was geared towards people that could breastfeed and questions they may have if that will be the case.
Agreed i have pcos and hypothyroidism and although i dont seem to have supply issues right now knock on wood its something that happens alot of ppl with my conditions
I never produced enough. In any of my pregnancies. I never learned the medical terms or diagnosis for that though. Good thing formula is available
@@erk44 yes and donor milk for those itsy bitsy babies that cant have formula
Plus all the risk factors for delayed lactogenesis! Pregnant people deserve to know the different ways breastfeeding can go wrong and what their various options are to address it (including formula).
I have flat nipples, my baby could never grab anything to latch onto even with stimulation. I’ll never forget it being 1 am and the midwife was physically trying to get my baby latch for TWO HOURS non stop. I was falling asleep in the chair, my baby was screaming from being so stressed. It is not for everyone. Sometimes it’s just not practical and that’s okay.
I had two sets of twins two years apart. I had a cesarean with the first set because the were large and breech. I was able to have vaginal birth the second time and the recovery was SO much easier.
Everyone who’s had a VBAC has told me this! This is my goal!
@@kitcowool Absolutely! I hope it all goes just the way you want it to. ❤
Thank you ladies for making this video. Breastfeeding has always been hard for me, with all four of my babies. The last two being premature twins! It definitely doesn't come naturally, and there are so many different things people tell you to do, and not do. It can get confusing and frustrating, especially for a new mom! Shout out to all the mama's out there, it's definitely not easy in any aspects!!! 💜💜
My mom struggled with breastfeeding me, she said it was due to stress. I was very afraid that it was gonna be my faith too as my pregnancy and birth was very traumatic and difficult time for me (both, my step dad and mother passed away during my pregnancy within 3 months of each other, both were only in their 50ties, and c section with complications that didn't end well for me. Luckily my daughter turned out to be perfectly healthy). I had post partum depression too..... but i worked so hard on breast feeding, i needed it to work so much so that atleast something was normal regarding motherhood. My recovery post botched c section was hard and painful, and i never really recovered completely. The first week was hard, my nipples hurt, cracked and bled, but i pushed trough. My daughter was born a little bit premature at 36 weeks, c section due to pregnancy complications. She was tiny and skinny. Our pediatrician was a bit worried about her initial weight. But when she saw my baby at 2 week visit, she straight away knew everything was going well before even weighing her. My kido quickly gained weight and became very nice and chubby. After 2 weeks breastfeeding became so natural and so healing for me (and hopefully for my daughter too). I ended breastfeeding for longer than a year, very proud. As for the baby weight i gained during pregnancy, it took me 9 months to gain, it took me nine months to lose with no extra effort on my part. Just breastfeeding, listening to my body and eating only as much as i wanted (my mother in law wanted to force feed me coz according to her i ate much too little, even though my daughter had the biggest baby cheeks and thighs that i have ever seen, so obviously she was getting more than enough from me.) Motherhood is very stressful and demanding, i had to do a bit of mental gymnastics to not take other peoples criticism, unasked for advice, and comparisons between mothers who were doing a lot better physically and mentally than me who also had very perfect births and full support from all sides of their family (while my parents were already dead.... so no support there. And in laws live very far, and can't visit us on regular basis to help out.)
I dont know what to say I wish you had more positive support. I am so afraid of having my own because of everything above
I'm glad it was a good experience for you. I have a traumatic birth and the lactation consultant did say that trouble feeding was common with premature births, but I think there must be a lot of factors. I'm glad it worked out for you.
So sorry you had this experience. Sorry for the loss of your parents and that support system. Very happy to hear your baby is healthy and that you are recovered. Hoping you continue to take care of yourself and prioritize your mental/physical/emotional well-being!
You are your own best advocate. I told my doctor at least 3 times that I was not okay mentally. She first said it was baby blues (I was 4 months PP) then she told me I was just "tired" (6 months PP) and then at 9months PP I told her again and she told me to just work out. 2 weeks later I was calling the suicide hotline. Later that month I was diagnosed with PTSD, an anxiety/panic disorder and Depression. Even after that I was prescribed anti depressants over the phone and never got check on again. It is by God's grace that I am here today. God was the one who led me to CBT, psycotherapy and exposure therapy.
I never wanted to believe that women of color are dismissed medically but I have had that happen to me on different occasions, this being the worst example.
I’m actually having my baby at Presbyterian, Due date is Dec. 25 Thank you ladies for this video & making me comfortable ❤️
Heyy, how did it go? Congratulations!
I didn't feel that instant bond with my baby. I also had a very complicated birth with an emergency c-section, put completely under and didn't come out for 4 hours. I cared immensely for my baby but that instant love everyone talks about was not there. I had a moment thinking about a line from Under the Tuscan Sun where the main character says something like it takes time to get to know one another. I took everything in 5 minute increments and let myself learn about my baby and the new mom I was becoming. I am so deeply in love with my now 7 year old and it was only fair to myself and him that I let it take its time. Mama's if you feel this way you are okay. You are not doing anything wrong. Just be true to yourself if you feel you need help dealing with these feelings. If you are honest and take care of yourself you will be a better mother. Hugs!
Just me laying in bed at midnight watching random CZcams recommendations 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
Me: ''Oh yeah good stuff''
Also me: Never been pregnant, single af with no signs of that changing anytime soon lol
My sister being born 10 days after my first birthday is testament to the fact that breastfeeding will not prevent you from falling pregnant.
I have a friend and his sister is a year and 3 months younger than him 😂
Ugh 😩! This was a FANTASTICALLY AWESOME video👏🏿! I’m a doula and momma of 3, soon to be 4 children, and I try my best to share my experiences on my motherhood channel as well to help other mommas out there❤️! So glad they did this video 🙏🏿! Thanks for sharing 🥰!
I just had my son on the 3rd I gata check your channel out@shades of sage
@@alexandralawson9578 Thank you so much ☺️! That’ll be awesome 🤗! And congratulations to you too as well🎊!
When I had my first child I breastfed and immediately it went smoothly and he had a good latch right from birth. Been breastfeeding him until the age of 2. Im currently 7 months pregnant with baby no.2 and I’m a bit worried how things may be this time, I know all kids are different but hoping all goes well with my daughter. Reading these comments gives me a relief and so much help/advice.
Hopefully as we realize that breastfeeding has become so challenging over the years, we all realize us moms need to spend time together and share experiences and knowledge to potentially decrease how hard it can be for moms. Engorments was 100% the biggest surprise. Let's get together and teach one another: in sisterhood and with professionals. Community is key.
Our the US could start doing "perineal re-education", like they do in some places like France, which helps with strengthening the muscles to prevent incontinence and it also helps with "tightening" the vaginal wall a bit.
We call them kegles here and it’s suggested to do them postpartum as well as during pregnancy. It prevents tearing and encourages easier delivery
Yes! I heard in Japan they provide Postpartum PT as just a given part of the recovery for all women. I think everyone needs that.
You can get massages and things. I know because I had to write legal documents in my state for such services lol.
Even some doctors behave as if you have one C-section, you will have others. I think a lot of it is driven by economics.
It absolutely is. According to the documentary The Business of Being Born, the two leading causes for C-sections are A) hospitals are businesses and not willing to accommodate a labor if it doesn’t make them money, and B) (believe it or not) so that the OB/GYN can get the birth over with and get home to their family.
@@kiaburt5091 I believe you. That's the mentality here in the West Indies. My sister had one here. She migrated to the UK and had a natural birth. At that point I realised that this is a business and we're being duped.
You do know that childbirth in most countries is not dictated by private healthcare….?
I was very confused how making a C-Section was less expensive then vaginal birth and then I realised by reading the awnser you're reffering to private healthcare and therefore the exact oposite of my first interpretation.
I've gone from confused to clarified in 20 seconds.
@@1tuttyfruti yes, private Healthcare. I was wondering what was confusing about what I said. Lol. The C-section is more money. It brings in more revenue to the hospital, the doctors and anesthesiologist.
My midwife specifically told me ‘ohh breastfeeding is a form of contraception.’
5 months later
Me: pregnant
AGAIN! 😱
My little girls are 9 months apart (the youngest was very premature) but here they are happy and full of life.
Both breastfed (11 and 18 months) not clingy at all. So much so they rarely say ‘bye mummy’ when I drop them off nursery 😄😄😄 kids hey.. biggest challenge I’ve faced but I wouldn’t have it any other way! 😍
I really feel like Dr's need to stop saying, "discomfort" in place of "pain." It's total gaslighting and makes the patient feel like they're to blame. I recently had a dentist tell my daughter, "oh, I'm sorry that tickles.." after she said "Ow!" Um, no. It hurt and will probably hurt a little😤
6:24 I'm shocked that Insider used footage of a mother breastfeeding a baby in a moving car, both of them unrestrained!
I came down in the comments to see if anyone else noticed that!!!!
Yes! Why is nobody talking about this??
May be it's not the US.
Sometimes you have to do what you have to do for the baby no matter what anybody says. Carseats where not mandates a few years ago.
@@honeydc23 it's always possible to stop the car and breastfeed safely. It's better to be late to wherever you're going than to endanger your child's life and your own.
A huge thank you to these two for creating this video! We can never have to much of this kind of content and I really appreciate that this information is publicly available.
I tried nursing all 4 of my kids. My smallest was 8 lbs. I could not make enough milk for the 3 older kids, and my youngest was allergic to my milk (not what I was eating, but MY milk). The whole concept was an absolute disaster and anyone I tried to talk to about it thought I was crazy. It hurt because my kids were trying so hard to get enough and my body would not keep up. I had to put them on formula either to supplement the little supply I made or completely by 6 weeks.
How do you know they were allergic specifically to your milk and not something in your diet?
@whitney6641 did the eliminations and nothing changed. It got down to me having almost nothing solid and drinking water.
This is clearly an USA based clip where a super sense of individualism and independence is a thing. I cannot imagine anyone in my home country describing a baby as clingy and needy as if it's a bad thing. They are babies, that what they do and it's a good thing, it's called being human. That said this was a very high quality and educational clip
Breastfeeding was the most painful experience i have ever been through... my nipples bleeded and was horrific, i was crying and agitated all the time which made my post partum depression WAY worse .. am still traumatized and would never do it again😔
I had the exactly same experience, cracked bleeding nipples, horrendous pain, like stabbing knives on my breast when the milk came down and because of overproduction of milk I had 6 mastitis in the first year. Yeahhh, so... If I had another baby, would I breastfeed? Yes, because I'm lazy hahaha, and also after giving birth I had little mobility due to hip problems, so although difficult I had literally no choice to breastfeed. At least we now have a choice if breastfeeding becomes too much of a struggle 👍🏼
you need a lactation specialist. I actually used the Internet and a lot of CZcams info to learn to properly breastfeed my baby with the proper latch. It will come naturally only if you have the perfect nipples ....flat nipples, large nipples will make the process way difficult and challenging. Once you get the hang of it... it is easiest way to feed. No sterilising bottles, boiling water, and extra work
Lol you were doing it wrong. It was traumatizing because the latch was bad.
@@topaznora2055 Right.. and these ladies weren’t given nipple shields at the hospital?
@@topaznora2055 no. Breastfeeding for some women who have used many lactation specialists will never experience a non painful experience.
I was a case that all agreed I'd have to breastfed with nipple shields the whole time and yet it was still painful. Nine months of torture with a healthy milk supply and I did it due do thinking it's the only way.
Exclusive pumping or formula is totally okay.
Who cares how they are fed? your baby is fed and healthy and you don't need to go through torture
I wish someone. Anyone would mention how high childbirth ptsd rates are. That’s something women should know too. Men going to war do.
oh my gosh, I am so 100% with you on that. It ruined my life for 1.5 years after birth, I had no connection with my son, I didnt even want to be in the same room as him, I constantly had anxiety attacks, my wonderful husband suffered so much during that time.
now 2 years later I am slowly building up my relationship with my own kid. Had I been aware of PND , meds could have helped me sooner
As a childless young woman, please enlighten me. Im already terrified of having children enough as it is
@@ye23. PTSD can form from any trauma in individuals.
What causes ptsd in one person won't in another but that doesn't mean the ptsd is any less severe just because it didn't take hold in someone else or is less common.
Any event or experience in a person's life that has the potential to be traumatic can develop into ptsd. Birth, or pregnancy as a whole, is not an exception just because we call it a miracle or beautiful.
It is widely anecdotally accepted that a traumatic birth experience puts a person at increased risk for post partum depression which can be fertile ground for ptsd to take hold.
The short of the answer is that there is a lot of shame and a history of misogyny that has pushed postpartum ptsd under a rug in a spare hall closet in the basement of obstetrics that people are starting to talk about more openly amongst themselves which is putting more pressure on the medical community to acknowledge. I mean ptsd wasn't formally recognized until the last 50 years and still struggles with taboo. Now consider that in the context of women and birth which has a bad history and its a no brainer.
Y'all know you can be a complete individual without having a baby, right ? . If the thought alone stress you out, talk with your partner and just don't have a baby. Its 2021.
@@dabbbaded1342 well... obviously.
But we are talking about ppl considering having kids. Having kids can be your dream in life and still can develop PND.
So it doesn't have anything to do with how much or not you want a kid - that's a whole different discussion
Here’s one I’d like answered. When I went home after my c-section, the hospital staff told me that if I had a significant increase in bleeding to call my OB and get checked out. When that did happen, my OB basically brushed it off and said bleeding would fluctuate postpartum and not to worry. It was kind of frustrating because this wasn’t the only discrepancy in information I was given and I had had a lot of complications already.
I am 31 and don't have a baby. I worry for the most part about my financial situation but also about having a history of depression. I was pregnant aged 22 but at the time unfortunately was not in the best mental state.
If you do want to give birth consider talking to your doctor and sharing your concerns! Every person is different and talking with a caring, empathetic doctor can make all the difference in the world. Financially.... yeah, sorry. Can't help with that 😕 win the lottery maybe? It's expensive to have kids, especially if they need to go into daycare. Pregnancy medicaid is available to cover the cost of your pregnancy in most states, medicaid coverage for baby is available and, depending on income, could cover them till they age out. But daycare will be most people's biggest expense of childhood; I used a combination of family, friends, and switching my work schedule to overnight so that my child could be a parent for most of the day. And when I did use a childcare provider I found the sweetest grandma with a home daycare who charged very, very reasonable rates. I'm not rich, not even close to it, but through an elaborate system of family and friends we managed to get through the toddler years into school, where it becomes so much more manageable.
Don't be discouraged. If you *don't* want to give birth look into your options! I'm rooting for you 🙂
I wish more people would talk about is D-MER. My obgyn acted like I was crazy and I felt so awful for how I felt about breast feeding. I wanted to so bad but post partum plus d-mer made it impossible.
What? D-mer?
@@saschamayer4050 It's when a mother feels intense negative emotions or has intense negative thoughts while starting a feeding. Some women suffer with this despite having a positive view of breastfeeding and a desire to do it. It makes it hard for them to breastfeed because their brain tells them not to once they start a feeding session. It's so crazy, and you think it would be against our biological code since all babies used to have to be breastfed before formula was a thing, but for some reason it happens :(
I didn’t know that was a thing! Thanks for bringing this to my attention
I had this when I breastfed. I was already depressed (not PPD) and D-MER felt like depression on steroids. I could feel it hit me a couple seconds after my baby had latched. I could almost see color drain out of my field of vision, to put it poetically. It sounds crazy, but that's what it felt like.
My child's father insisted on me breastfeeding because it's apparently super important in his culture and they believe it makes children intelligent or something. He got furious when I stopped after two months. I told him that the second he will grow one single breast on his chest he can breastfeed as much as he wants. Until then... my tits, my milk, my D-MER, my rule.
@@audrieking7109
Thanks for clearing that up! Never heard about it before. But good to know.
My wife tried very heard to breastfeed our first baby, but the milk wouldn't come and the baby refused the breast (of course). So we used formula. And the baby didn't die! 😉😅
Nice side effect: I got to feed our baby, too. Very good for father-child-bonding.
I’m 5’ 7” and before I got pregnant, my weight was between 125-133 lbs. After my son was born, it took me about one year to go down to 130 lbs. but my stomach stays bigger (with extra fat). I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t strict about my diet and I didn’t work out. So I’m not complaining that my body didn’t go back to the way it was….
Awesome to have such senior doctors doing this accessible outreach to spread information
It hurts my heart hearing them say "people" instead of women women go through the most painful thing in the world and now we won't even recognize them for them this will go down in history as the the worst thing in 22 century for women
Some added notes from a mother of 5: 1. Some babies are better at latching than others. Some of my babies knew right away how to latch on and others were absolutely clueless and it took a few days to teach them what to do. 2. Milk supply can be impacted by a ton of factors, not just stimulation. Medications can have a big impact. Your age can have a big impact. I know I didn't make the same amount of milk at 35 as I did in my twenties. 3. Postpartum depression is random and not your fault. I had it with one out of my five. If you had it once, that doesn't mean it will happen again. 4. Remember a C-section is surgery, you need time to heal. You will want to be up and moving and doing stuff because of those motherly instincts, but take it easy and let people help you. I had a C-section for #4 and I really felt the recovery was way different from a vaginal delivery.
Can you tell us about the differences in recovery after vaginal birth/c-section that you experienced?
@@Pohlmaster Well, to be blunt, you are able to be up and moving around right after the vaginal delivery (provided you haven't lost too much blood), but your ass hurts like all get out. After the C-section obviously the discomfort is at the incision area, but while its not super painful, it does make bending and walking around a lot harder. You really have to take it easy for a few weeks and not try to do a bunch of stuff while everything is healing up. Also it takes longer to be discharged after a c-section because they want to make sure things are healing correctly/checking for any post-surgery complications. Long term recovery, they recommend waiting 12-18 months before getting pregnant again after c-section so everything can heal nice and strong. Also many people have numb areas on their skin around the incision area after c-section. This area can be large or small and may or may not improve with time. Mine has gradually improved to being about 75% reduced from its size after surgery, but it has been 5 yrs now, so its not quick thing.
@@Mrs.Silversmith Thank you so much for responding. I‘m so afraid of pregnancy and vaginal delivery but me and my boyfriend are planning to have kids in the upcoming future. We are a family already, just the two of us, but we would love to have kids. I‘m just so afraid and it helps to listen to the experience of others.
@@Pohlmaster Just remember, delivery is one day out of your life and you totally forget about all the discomforts the second that baby is in your arms.
I was misdiagnosed by my doctor after the birth of my twin by c-section. I was anemic, lost blood and was near blacking out and also couldn't sleep but was told I had post parteum depression and given meds. I on my own realized that my blood count was low and took food and iron supplements.
Thank you so much for this video. Pregnancy has been horrible for me. Was bed ridden the first two months because the nausea and vomiting was so bad. I lost my job, we had to move to a smaller apt, I lost 10 pounds in just a few weeks because I was not able to hold down any foods. People would make me feel so guilty about not being able to take prenatal vitamins not even considering the fact that I would try to only to puke them right after. I’ve thrown up so much I developed gastritis and even now at my 6th month I am still throwing up almost regularly. The back pain is excruciating and sleeping is almost impossible. I still have two and a half months to go and I honestly can’t ever see myself doing this again. I already feel like I love my son but pregnancy has been horrible and I’m glad some are trying to make it easier for women to talk about these things and not have it be a thing that you’re just expected to know how to do and be good at.
I love your series! I would love if you included something about IGT as part of your breastfeeding education. It’s not often talked about. when I gave birth to my second son, I was aware of my condition , no one at the hospital was familiar with it. I was told in keep breastfeeding the more you breastfeed the more milk you will have. Which if you have a condition such as igt is untrue.
I have the same; breasts never grew during pregnancy or after giving birth. Never was able to pump more than 1 ounce from both breasts combined. My babies did enjoy nursing for comfort though and latched on perfectly. But their nourishment came from the bottle.
As a guy its curious to see this whole experience😯 peace, blessings and good health to both mothers and childs🙂
This video is why child birth should be always a women's choice
Every baby is „clingy“ and that’s super important! They need to be around someone to take take of them to survive!
I actually lost the belly an got back in my jeans after like 8 weeks, BUT I had a very very small belly and I’m a very small person, have always been 🤷🏼♀️
And nursing actually kept me from ovulating for 1,5 years after birth 😁
Good for you 🙄😒
These were fantastic tips for me, I'm in the beginning of my 3rd trimester. Have taken over 12 hours est of classes online, reading books and still these were great tips! I know I know, no book will really prepare me for the actual experience but it's great to have some forehand knowledge!
"Breastfeeding is not a form of contraception." wise words indeed. As a product of this myth I can say that between me and my biological older brother only have fifteen months. Btw, as a second child to a couple with blood incompatibility, I suffer from thrombophilia.
I wish someone told me how difficult breast feeding was
Yes, or more messages out there to give yourself grace when it doesn't work.
My PPD started when my daughter was 6mo. I was blind sided by it. I had nursed successfully. I don’t know what caused it but it was bad. By my second child, I was better prepared for it and my spouse was ready for it too. I always thought if it didn’t happen in three months it wouldn’t happen, boy was I wrong.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you doing better now? If so, what helped you?
@@firefly620 I am in that respect. My girls are 11 and 8 now.
I'm sorry you went through that. My mum had that with my little sister. The PPD came a lot later as a surprise (especially shocking because she was completely mentally fine with me, the eldest). Sending many blessings to you and your kids.
My mom had her first baby when she was 17. Right after he was born, her stomach was completely flat. Her doctor was shocked haha. He said she could go model. I know this is very atypical. She had 4 kids in total, and with each subsequent pregnancy she did have a bit of a leftover bump. With baby number 4 she said it was about the size of a cantaloupe when she left the hospital. Which is still really small. She had some really good genetics that's for sure lol
I wonder if she had a retroverted uterus. It’s when the uterus is set leaning towards your spine and not the other way, which is how it is for 4/5 who have it the “normal” way. Women with retroverted uterus tend to not have their bump show until later, as most of the baby is hidden inside your body. Random thought.
@@Katzmommy777 No she didn't. We talked about everything and I know she would have mentioned that if she did. Especially since she told me my aunt has a tilted uterus. And she had big bellies when pregnant, too. She just shrunk very quickly after birth. It was odd enough that it surprised her doctor 😂
@@bunny_0288 That’s incredible! Thanks for sharing. She’s clearly been blessed with some remarkable genes.
I have had to really fight for my VBACs. Ask all the stupid questions, change doctors, keep fighting for the care that feels right for you.
What frustrates me the most looking at having a baby is that there is so little information for those of us with illnesses or disabilities. My doctor tried to send me to the fetal medicine specialists, and even they couldn't answer the necessary questions. This is a massive hole that needs to be urgently addressed! I feel like too many people, even doctors, still think that people with disabilities don't have babies (a massive fallacy)
Agreed. I have narcolepsy and doctors don’t know if my meds are safe or not during pregnancy. I quite literally cannot function without them so if they’re unsafe I won’t walk the path of motherhood, I need to know to make these choices though…
@@hb9599 Exactly! Meds are one of the questions I needed answered too, but couldn't get an answer on. It's really worrying. It desperately needs more funding and research.
I wish you all the best with your decision