Why I quit fostering
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- It's taken me a while to film this video, as I wanted to be both in the right headspace when I filmed it, and also film it in a way I was happy with. I hope you enjoy this insight into why I personally decided to leave fostering, and how I feel the system needs to change to give our most vulnerable children the care they deserve.
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My aunt left. She was one of the best. She still keeps, in touch with a lot of the kids. One is an adult now and lives with her
I'm a foster carer and the lack of support is shocking. There is so much bureaucracy and we wait for years for any kind of therapy for the kids - basically leaving us responsible for all their needs. The children deserve so much better. It's a false economy not to support foster carers who are providing so much for so little money. It's no wonder so many are leaving.
I think you should 100% look into a bachelor of social work, we need social workers like you in policy making.
Oh the system wont allow anyone like Bryony to have any influence… 😒
Unfortunately, it's not that easy. In the United States, there are policies sitting for decades and never passed. It's a disgusting system.
Hi Bryony, thank you for the video. I'm on the other side of this, I have a severely disabled child, their dad left, I then became disabled myself and so rely on respite, of which a part time foster carer is in place (whom is lovely!). The system is just so difficult to navigate, I've had to be hospitalised and nothing has been in place the day I'm going, it's always so stressful and nothing is ever done preventatively, always playing catch up and damage control, it's incredibly frustrating. It's really helpful to see things from the inside instead of just the outside and also sad to see the same kind of issues are just as apparent there.
Hi Bryony, thanks for making this video! I am just about to become a children in care social worker in the UK and I wrote my masters dissertation about the professionalisation of foster care and the complexities of this. I agree with all of the issues you raised 100%, and have witnessed and spoken to foster carers about all these experiences. There are so many issues, we are failing foster carers. Just wanted to add though that there is now a union for foster carers! The National Union of Professional Foster Carers. They had to go to the appeals court in 2017 after its formation was refused due to carers not being 'workers', but in a hugely significant decision in 2021 the judge ruled that foster carers are 'in an employment relationship' with the local auhtority, so can unionise. Maybe you could get involved in campaigning?! I also recommend Linda Nutt's book Foster carers: private lives, public sacrifices. Thank you again :)
I'm in the US but not surprised with a lot of this. It's similar here. Some differences I experienced is we don't "work" as a foster parent so we don't file any specific taxes. It's not a job here. We were also always expected to transport our kids to visits. This is both good and bad. I loved the contact with bio parents. We experienced many issues however. We also have kids languishing in care for years. We adopted our last placement after 5 and a half years in care. Another child we had was in care 10 years. It's crazy. We adopted 4, saw several go home as well, and closed our home. Honestly i have my masters in social work and dont think id ever work in foster care.
My jaw is on the floor.... unbelievable!! I cannot believe carers are treated this way! There is such a need for living home for these kids .... how the hell do they think this is the way to keep good carers??
They don't care, actually not enough people. The ones that do don't have the power to change things.
This is absolutely disgusting!! I can't believe this foster carers are so needed as well😊
We were foster carers for 3 years and we felt like a glorified B&B and slave. Parents that got their kids taken off them for very good reason only had to squeak & they got everything they wanted regardless of if it negatively effected the kids! The turnover of social workers is a joke. The minute you feel like you’re getting somewhere they leave & the replacement doesn’t get filled in but the time you catch them up they leave too. We had a big meeting about the kids one time, lots of notes taken & when brought up later on down the line we were told those notes go nowhere & are long gone. Maddening!
Thank you for sharing. This was really informative. Well done for advocating for yourself and the children despite the barriers you experienced.
I'm a full time carer in Ireland, I've children on the autism spectrum and they have alot of support needs and Im still waiting on respite been on the list years, my parent's are getting too old to take them as my kids are such a handful. I had to give up my good job and I'm on benefits now . I love my kids to bits they are amazing funny beautiful kids but man they are hard work and hardly ever sleep. I'm burnt out and can't get any help and so many people are in the same boat as I am .
I miss my job alot sometimes not even the money aspect but the social aspect just having a chat with other adults and having a coffee with one of my work mates ☕ didn't realise how much it helped my mental health. I'm on only a little bit of money too and everything is so expensive it's really hard to cover everything.
you shouldn't have to give up so much to be able to support people with complex needs on the spectrum. I wish the system gave the support for carers to have jobs, holidays and lives. However, I'm so grateful that you do, and that people like you exist. On behalf of the children in your care - thank you, you're doing amazing 🫶
@@user-wz1iz5oc6k awh thank you that's very sweet. I agree they should be way more support for people with disabilities and their carers too .
As a social worker I can say you really did this video justice. I’m in New Zealand and we have similar systemic issues.
My family fostered when I was a teenager, and continued for many years into my adulthood. I would also tell you that if you have your own children, the social workers for the children in care absolutely never consider your own children. You are almost completely forgotten. The emotional toll on those brith children in the family is also immense. You have young traumatised people entering your home, stealing from you, telling awful stories of the abuse they have suffered, and as the child of the carers, no one from the authority offers you any support and often your parents can’t because they are “in the eye of the storm” so to speak. Fostering is such an important and valuable job but it’s not working as it stands.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. I’ve thought about fostering as well but I also have 4 bio kids and i have also wondered about the strain it would put on to them. I’ve realized I think I would need to wait until they are grown or only do littles. But I’m drained of the littles season from my own kids and feel I need a break from that as well, so just realizing it may not be a good season for me to take something like this on.
Thank you for mentioning this! I always wanted to be a foster parent since I was a kid. But I have a toddler and had a school aged family member living with us for a while. I saw how much of an influence they were on my toddler. That’s when I realized I can’t bring other children into our home that could possibly be a bad influence in my child. While it’s our choice to bring in other children our bio children have no choice in that, and that’s not fair. So now, I have to come to terms that it’s not something we could do or just wait until our kids are old and out of the house. But honestly I don’t think I could foster at that older age…I’m already so exhausted.
This is so informative, thank you. I’ll be honest, it’s stories like yours that make me completely veto fostering until there are real changes made in the system. I don’t think I could sign up for this willingly, having heard so many stories like yours
I feel so sorry for all the potential placements i’ve personally put off but when asked i have genuinely mostly negative memories of fostering for 3 years. The kids were very difficult but we expected that. We did not expect to be lied to by social services constantly being given false info, for the parents to get what ever they wanted regardless of how it negatively effected their kids & for that to be okay with social services. For the family to dictate our lives. To deal with such a horrible & uncooperative school (we suspect sectarianism) and soo much more😢
Hello, I am a councillor and think that this feedback should be sent to your councillor. The could write a motion to address solutions to improve the service
We actually did have contact with a couple of councillors when I was on the committee, and they did help with highlighting some issues, but ultimately the rest of the councillors weren't interested enough in hearing what we had to say. We also spoke to the leader of the council, and a local MP on 2 occasions trying to put across our points, but ultimately fell on deaf ears. That was almost as frustrating to be honest.
Can you distribute it amongst councillors? I really feel like I've heard enough about no one listening to Foster carers, maybe people actually in positions of authority should speak to each other about it. I think if you were to speak to Foster carers in your council they would have similar things to say.
@@preciousstarsvlogs I can imagine , but well done for trying. Nothing prevents you to try again after each elections or if you think some council business might be relevant, they might benefit from a reminder :)
@@altariia I can but sadly Social care etc aren't in my portfolio, I am district, not county :( but will share that video with my colleague and you should write to your cllr/MP too :)
@@preciousstarsvlogs or.... You could stand and change it from within :)
I worked with the child welfare system in the United States as a child/family therapist, and you are 1000% right. The foster care system here is absolutely horrendous. The trauma they subject children, families, and employees through is disgusting. It is definitely something that needs resolution at the government level, but unfortunately, it does not happen.
The experiences you speak about remind me a lot of American public education. I had to quit my teaching job after 4 years. We weren’t valued and so much pressure was put on us to just be fine with whatever new thing administration threw at us.
Pretty similar to the teaching industry here in the U.K. from what I’ve heard. I know so many fairly young teachers who’ve quit because the job has become unsustainable, and the teachers that are still there have been striking 😢
Similar to how I felt working in the childcare sector for many years here in Australia. I gave it up and decided to not become a foster carer either after seeing all of these systemic failures. I’m a full time sahm and homeschooled my own child with special needs instead. I like the creator went on to have my own baby instead. We want to care for children but not willing to be ignored and treated like garbage to do so. My spare room which I wanted to use for foster has been turned into an arts room for us. It’s a shame the system can’t sort out a way to retain their carers across foster, childcare and teaching sectors. I think nurses face similar issues too 😕
I applaud your professionalism in presenting such difficult subject matter. This was extremely enlightening
This is a great advice! You had a video recently about struggling with career trajectory - I think local politics/organizing can work really well for you!
If it were something she was interested in in the future I think Bryony would make a phenomenal labour/union organiser!
I’m a foster carer in Alberta Canada and we face a lot of similar challenges in our system to. Right now there are so many foster parents closing their homes (I feel like we are close to our end also), and there are very few new homes opening. In my city there are hardly any available beds which means children go to group homes, sometimes stay nights in offices or hotels even.
I’m also a foster carer in Alberta Canada as well.
Rather than foster carers becoming full employees, perhaps there should be self-employed rates that take into account how much work and how much time is required, and laws that prevent self-employment being used to pay people less than minimum wage; I'm guessing they haven't gone up in proportion to the workload, much as with teachers' salaries over the years (where bureaucracy has also forced a lot of teachers out).
There's actually an in between sort of status called a worker/limb B worker, where you have more workers rights than a self employed person but not quite as many as an employee, with more flexibility as to the work. Some employment tribunals have already found that foster workers count as this category! But it's a slow process of full recognition etc.
This is really helpful. Thank you.
Sounds like typical local authority behaviour.
Honestly that's the most damning thing about this. I can share all these things that happened, and it could genuinely have happened in any LA around the country. That to me is the most depressing part about it. The system needs fundamental change. I only hope our new government when we get one actually does something about it.
@@preciousstarsvlogs Yeah, I used to work for the council many years ago. Let's just say, the more things change, the more they stay the same. It's bigger than current government.
@@preciousstarsvlogs As a social worker, I can say we are just as frustrated as you are. It all boils down to chronic underfunding and it is the children ultimately that are suffering, bring on the election!
I love the idea of fostering but I’ve heard how hard it is - emotionally and financially etc. can’t believe how they twisted onto you though that’s awful 😢
Have you thought about a job within your LA where you do have the power to make these changes? I think you have a real insight about how you can improve these services, whilst also understanding the realistic limitations of LAs themselves
So enjoyed this video. You have an amazing ability to articulate the issues but come up with some really practical solutions! Thanks heaps! 💙
Darling, I have been watching you from your very earliest days on You Tube and I have to comment on how you have grown as a person. I am ever so impressed by the way you have faced life head on and become the most remarkable woman and mother.
I must confess, I really did not think you would cope so well. I have to eat my thoughts as indeed you have shone so very brightly I am positively dazzled.
Loved this video as you put your point across very circinately and without running the local authority down whilst still making your point.
This was so interesting! Thank you for bringing us another insightful well researched and concise explanation and deep dive. (Also, your hair looks so cute like that!! 🥰🥰🥰)
The main issue here is the local authority is being pressured and needs to meet the needs but have no understanding of the carers and the pressure they are putting them under. Agree with all your suggestions for change. I have a disabled daughter who is 27 years old so have been involved in children's/transition and adult social care and over the years have seen the impact of the lack of finances available to them. Co-production is the only way forward and the local authority should be doing this across the board but there are ways of doing this discreatly and so the LA tick the box but, actually, a quick phone call to a carer on some random subject will be used as co production. It is not good enough. Shared lives and foster care are the backbone of this country, these children are our future and need to be looked after and cared for properly. I think you would be perfect to work as a consultant for LAs, someone who has lived experience but is also aware of todays society and what is important and relevant regarding social media. Thanks for doing this video sorry I waffled on so much but I am passionate about change in social care across all ages.
From the USA here. I wanted to foster when you started but my gut told me that I couldn't handle it. -Yeah. I know I can't handle this with the way things are now. I would need a massive financial overhaul. UBI would put me right on board.
Briney, the foster system has lost an amazing carer in you. Everything that you are saying is so important, will you please consider breaking this up into two separate videos? The discrimination that you underwent because of your pregnancy is unbelievable!
So informative, Briony, thank you. Have you ever looked into private fostering agencies rather than the LA? As a single person who has seriously considered fostering, this has made me worry about if I could manage.
I’ve never heard of private fostering, how does it work? ❤
@@sjwells04the same, it’s just that local authorities who can’t place a child with a foster carer (due to lack of carers, or a good match) they widen the search by using private agencies for a placement. But the application process is the same.
I’ve been a foster parent for about 4 months. A 5 year old was recently placed in my home. I have Bible studies on Wed. 11-12 with a couple ladies. The new case manager exploded saying I was sneaking people out of my house before they come! I was so angry two women leaving through the front door carrying Bibles going into their truck in broad day light becomes an accusation! Same case worker goes in an older foster care girl room and drills her on if anyone is getting into her bed and sleeping with her at night! I like being a foster care mom. I’m 60 years old to have someone accuse me of sneaking anyone out if my house is applauding offensive! Then she accused me of coaching the kids on what to say to her. Another out right lie. So I’m not sure about doing Foster Care… I’m a grown women zero history of any drug use clean background a Nurse .. the ludicrous accusations coming from this case manager is utterly ridiculous!
It’s so important to share these things. I’d guess most people who think about becoming foster carers would have no idea about how things like this work behind the scenes. Let’s hope positive changes are made in future as otherwise no one will want to do it 😢
I’m a child protection social worker and unfortunately it’s very multi layered - e.g. after we have issued care proceedings and accommodated children there is pressure to transfer them to the children in care teams very quickly. This is obviously destabilising for the children and professionals involved as it means a change of social worker and often completely different senior management who might disagree with our care plan.
I’ve been that social worker who has taken children to and from contact, supervised, even taken them to school and health appointments to support placement stability but at the end of the day doing that creates an expectation from people and takes time away from doing things that are a vital part of our role, not to mention the other children on our caseloads. Ultimately I think that Local Authorities should have a less divisive approach, so much time is wasted arguing over whether the children’s team or fostering is responsible/paying for something but in reality we’re all there for the same common goal.
Sounds like the transport to contact has gotten made a pawn between social workers & foster carers by the LA itself. They are the ones who need to pay more workers to do the transport to most of these various things so that social workers can actually go back to doing their jobs and not be considered general dogsbodies, and the foster carers can more reasonably take placements and have the time necessary for all the paperwork, training and other household work.
A wonderful, informative, well rounded view on foster caring. Really brilliant points for better communication and enabling the foster carers to be part of a valuable team. However, as someone who has worked on the periphery of and also within social care, for over 30 years of my life, nothing seems to have changed within the system. With LAs facing financial challenges in 2024, things will get a whole lot worse.
Great video! I am a LA foster carer and yep, it all sounded very familiar sadly.
Literally mind boggling!! I'm a teacher but I don't think I want to have any biological kids. My husband and I have thought about fostering instead. Being a Kiwi, now living in London, this has completely put me off ever doing it over though!! My thoughts on it was that it would be similar here to back home. It's not perfect back home but my golly 😱 You last point about paid respite is valid and needed - in NZ, my auntie is actually a respite foster carer so literally is the person who steps in and takes kids for short term stints to give their long term carers some respite. I just can't believe it is not already a thing here!!
Awesome video. Very informative
I’m so sorry, this is awful. I work for the NHS and in the process of leaving my current place because the professional standards are shocking. I really come to realise working there that ratings matter and management are everything. Luckily I can go back to my previous place which is a completely different attitude, not perfect but striving to improve.
Excellent and informative video!!!
I would say I’m surprised, but sadly I can’t say that because I’ve heard it before
I think you should 100% become a social worker specifically in policy.
Here speaking from Canada. We have had similar experiences and issues within the foster system here. My parents fostered 26 years and were dropped through allegations that were deemed false. They decided they couldn’t “risk it” even after the court system denied it ever being real. Just a liar looking to get out of jail time using sympathy. The system is broken and those going into it aren’t given the knowledge of all the risks.
It's so sad that the system is set up in a way that is so hostile to foster carers. Must be so frustrating. As always, you impress me so much with how articulate you are.
Very informative and articulated. You should work with the LA to help them improve the things you've said. Hopefully a paid job ❤
would you ever be a childminder? The founders of Timpson were foster carers!
Different comment but I love your hair styles it's really nice.
Such a shame you have been treated with so little respect, you certainly deserved better. Disgraceful, but not surprising given that so many of the best people leave :/
Hey Bryony I would love to see a video in the future maybe talking about how conversations will go with Oryn that he is a donor conceived person like how you will go about that? Love your channel!
I've heard such similar things about foster care in Australia!!
This is an excellent video! I think I've mentioned before but its sadly so relateable as a former teacher, so many parallels - though at least teachers, as recognised employees, get a lot more basic rights and a salary closer to being commensurate with the job. It's so wonderful that you've chosen to use your platform to make this video and spread the word about these issues.
thanks for sharing
Thanks
This was fascinating! and very educational for someone considering being a foster carer.
Bryony, thank you so much for posting this video. I worked with social carers quite a lot during my time in the Police as a Pcso. I saw many issues then. I had friends who also fostered & said the same thing. This was over 15 years ago! I think your video was very honest & sadly in some parts predictable especially the part where you were contacted for a RTW interview at 6wks PP. I think this will help many people in their decision making. Sadly i don't think things will change within the organisation because the too difficult light is always on.
Wow!
thanks for sharing, it was really interesting. :)
Some of the questions for the surverys are set by the goverment and not them themselves
(Commenting before I’ve watched this) but I’m sooo excited for this juicy tea
The meeting to discuss your pregnancy is crazy. Where do they get off meddling in your private life???? Out of line personally!that
Wait.... what..... you had a baby? Sorry, I've been under a rock 😱. Congratulations 🥳
This is saddening to hear. You so obviously cared about the the children in your care and compassion for the families you interacted with. The system needs to be understanding of the needs of single people and the needs of the carers. It is unsustainable to reduce the pool of carers to hetero couples that can afford to be single income.
So... they sent out a survey where they basically asked you all to blow massive quantities of sunshine up their backsides? 😂
I hate people that show there foster kids or there own kids, but talking about it I don’t see a issue it makes people like to foster
Its against the law to show them.
@@MsTinkerbelle87 i didn’t know, but still I think all children need to be off the internet