Why I became a solo mum by choice at 24
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
- I get asked this question all the time, and truthfully there were several factors the made me come to this decision, so I felt it deserved its own video. Enjoy!
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Bryony, I started following you as I prepared for my daughter's cycle and collected information and cloth pads. I was able to start my daughter on cloth, and she has benefited from the information that you helped me with in those middle years of motherhood. As my daughter got older, we fostered a family member; in particular, she fell in love with fostering and working with children. She's gone on to be a nanny and childcare worker. As she started college, she worked out at her experiences and has since identified as ACE and would not have children of her own through a relationship. Your story and decisions have inspired her and showed her that all her dreams are possible. Thank you so much for always sharing your experiences. They have been so valuable to my family and many families.
Bryony really is amazing. I am so happy to hear how much she has helped your daughter. I am older now but a lot of what she shares would have definitely helped a younger me! ❤❤
As someone who struggles with depression, I loved your explanation of the magic of life.
I wish you could speak more specifically about the difficulties you faced fostering. I work in the US with special needs kids and I don’t know how long I will continue because of factors other than the kids. I don’t usually speak about them but I think if people actually knew what went on in special education they would find it unacceptable.
Agreed
I use to work wit special needs children here in the uk myself but has to stop wen I fell pregnant with my second child due to certain situations that happened n it become dangerous for myself n my baby xxx
She has NUMEROUS videos on her fostering journey on her channel. She did these as it was happening. Obviously, there are things she couldn't discuss but there was a lot about the system that she did discuss and the frustrations involved in it. You should check them out!
@@Sammie-Lou-Miss-UK yes very often wonderful staff and care givers are forced to choose between their career which they have a genuine passion for and their safety.
I am in the U.S and it is horrible in many ways for fostering. Sadly there is a lot of medical kidnapping going on here. I would not be surprised if some of the things you see are kids being taken for no reason other than the money medically fragile kids bring which ever state you are in. It is so bad that I have seen so many families being left intact minus the MFC. Which is glaringly preposterous. Many years ago (I have been sadly in this world, on the fringes since I was 19 so 35 yrs, my first baby I was offered wasn't even a baby coming home, a tiny girl born minus her brain with just a brain stem that they wanted a family to just sit with her. They found an older man who did so, so I wasn't needed in the end) I decided to not use my license and did child care for people who needed it at no cost to them to help them get and stay on their feet.
Having a child is always a leap of faith!
The life staircase is not a concept I’d heard of before but it made so much sense. I’ve always felt behind my peers in life because we moved around a lot throughout my childhood (father in the army and later building his career) which affected my education. We moved every 2-3 years so I had to constantly start afresh and make new friends etc. I ended up going to uni as a ‘mature student’ at 25 (I couldn’t face further education before that) and entered a career that involved constantly working away from home and living in hotels essentially. I’ve enjoyed my life and have had great experiences and have wonderful friends but I do feel like I missed all the usual opportunities for meaningful, long term relationships. As a result I’m single at 46.
For the past 10 years I’d seriously thought about having a baby by myself but worried about finances and other people’s reactions. I got a bonus at work and took that as a sign. My daughter will be 4 weeks tomorrow and I’ve received nothing but love and joy from family and friends. My parents are besotted, especially as I’m an only child so this will be their only grandchild. My only regret is waiting so long 🥰
Thank you for letting me know this option is out there and sharing your story. It has empowered me.
Congratulations Bryony. I've been subscribed for a number of years and you've done an incredible job of manifesting your dreams!
This video has been helpful in strengthening my stance that I am perfectly capable of having a child solo and raising it with the village of my family. My parents have already said they'd support any of my siblings and I who wanted to do that.
I'll give myself a couple more years - I think I think I haven found someone I'd want to have a child with before I'm 31 then I will heavily consider going it alone.
Life has already thrown me off the ladder with chronic illnesses - my trajectory is inevitably going to be different.
Thank you for showing people that this is a valid option ❤😊
The "life staircase" theory is GENIUS! Something similar happened to me when I got cancer at 13 and became permanently disabled (I now suck at climbing stairs lol) I also battled with my sexuality for years and finally figured out I was bisexual a few years after that, so leading what most call "a normal life" was not impossible, but I had already put thoughts into different "lifestyles" at a young age. And I had also decided pretty early on in my life that having kids was not something I wanted to compromise on with future partners, and if I didn't have a partner that also wanted children I probay would have also been looking into becoming a SMBC.
My niece who is about to hit her 30s hasn't found the "right one" yet so she's currently thinking about taking this same path. She really loves kids too and has done a lot of work as a child care worker.
your absolutely glowing in this video Bryony, was really nice to see your perspective and the differences youve faced in the past and now, I'm a foster child and I had foster parents like you I was very very lucky, anyone would be to have you as there carer it's clear how seriously you take it and how much of your life you open up to the kids, it makes such a difference x
Great video explaining everything! As I've watched the entire journey, none of this was surprising or shocking information. I'm so happy for you and hope life continues on the good trajectory it is now for you and Oryn and your family!
I'm a new subscriber - I found you through your collab with Hannah - and I absolutely love hearing your unique perspective and experiences. I have a 10-month-old son, and even though I'm not a solo parent, I relate to you so much 😊
I also found her through her collab with Hannah as well
Same! I love it when collabs introduce me to new and unique voices.
I became a SMBC at 31..well he was born in August 2022 and I turned 32 a month later...
I've wanted to do it for a few years, however I definitely wasn't mentally, emotionally or financially ready until I actually did go through with it.
Now I'm happy I did it when I did.
To me, age doesn't define you and also becoming a mom at a certain age also doesn't matter...
My sister had her first at 17 (not by choice) but she was definitely mature enough for it.... I wasn't mature enough until around 30-ish...or when I got pregnant at 31..
Also, I've dated people here and there, but I've always been better on my own.. So I knew I would probably not get married etc... And yes, as I was already 31, you never know when you can't conceive anymore.
I was very excited when you announced that you were also going to become a SMBC. Although it's very challenging sometimes, I wouldn't change it for the world. Can't imagine my life without my son now.
I told my mom and sister long before I even tried, I still lived with my mom when I got pregnant.
I told my dad only after I was pregnant, but apparently I mentioned the idea to him sometime before that, because he was like 'yeah you've talked about this before'.. I can't remember it 😂 but they were all on board and still are.
I also can't believe I'm actually a mom and he's almost 15 months... I've wanted this for so long, I didn't think it would actually happen...
I've also always dreamt of being pregnant (obviously), but my pregnancy was so miserable... 🤦🏻♀️
After such a horrific pregnancy experience do you think you’ll have baby #2 or are you “one and done” ?
Have loved watching your journey. It's really helped me with my ambivalence around having kids and what to expect! Much love to you x
Thank you so much for talking about the life staircase. As someone who felt really stuck on one of the steps, I needed this. Your words at the end about human history is truly magically... wish you the best on your solo motherhood journey!
I just want to say you’re so, so well spoken and you’re just you and it’s very rare. Love you and hope you’re well.
I'm so happy for you, you brought tears to my eyes when you started talking about your son, I wish you both the best ❤
I've watched your videos since you were 16, and you helped me choose my menstrual cups because you had the BEST and most varied reviews of various cups. I watched dozens of reviews for months, and it was your reviews that helped me decide what cup to get for my first cup in my 40s. Thank you so much for all you've done over the years.
It's been a joy to watch you dance, even if you were at the end of your dancing time, to watch you find good treatment after finally getting properly diagnosed, to watch you become a foster carer, and to watch you become a mum. Your content and your advocacy continue to impress and inspire me. Thank you.
I hope you're so so proud of yourself 💝 your journey is amazing and Oryn is so lucky to have you as a mother. You have built a beautiful Family ❤️ all best xx
Yeah my life staircase got all messed up due to severe anxiety. No one ever teaches you what to do if that life staircase doesn’t go to plan!
Knowing how much you struggled with pregnancy it is so wonderful to see how much you are enjoying motherhood. Prayers that this continues and for many more blessings to come, and fantastic support around you x
Thank you for sharing your journey
Did you ever finish secondary school? I was severely ill all throughout high school, which really threw me off the life staircase as well, but finishing my diploma and degree was the best decision I made, even when I was so so severely ill.
I'm glad you used that time to develop a business plan and really take intense rest.
You are amazing. I have two babies, a 2.5 yr old and 5.5 month old, both donor conceived. Best choice I've made. I too am a SMBC. Wouldn't change a thing. I love watching you. ❤
Honestly can so imagine being friends with you if we lived nearby! I just love how mature you are and your outlook on like it so like my own ❤😊 definitely do fantastically at solo parenting!
Respect to you and all mothers. Love from Edinburgh ❤
Aaaaawww the wishes for Oryn‘s life are so cute 🥰
The ‘life staircase’ is like a more general version of the ‘relationship escalator’.
Until watching the beginning of your journey I hadn’t even considered solo parenting by donor conception being a choice that was accessible to me. Thank you so much for sharing your journey! I too know I’ve always wanted to be a mum but have never really been interested in dating so it’s been so affirming to know that someone has successfully had a child alone and that it is doable! x
Look up Laura High for the perspective of a donor conceived person. She’s got a lot of interesting info.
Unusual but if it works for you and your child then great and congratulations! Your life, your choices. Too many people worry what others will think if they do anything different to the majority of people.
what part of the video did you find unusual if you dont mind clarifying
@@aliese66 Why am I in trouble for saying anything is unusual ?
@@K-a-n-d-i-s no, I was just curious
@@aliese66 it's def unusual to be a single mom via a sperm donor, she says it herself, she didn't stick to the “plan". I don't think the original commenter was hating, just pointing out it's peculiarity but celebrating her for finding her own journey in life :)
I usually just watch quietly but I have to say this. I’ve been watching you since you’ve been teenager and god you have grown to be amazing young woman I feel like a proud big sister somehow 😅😊 love how open you are about this❤
Recently, I am a single mom too this October 16 with my newborn son and very grateful to have him in my life ❤ but I decided to solo for many reason too..
Oh that's so good! I remember watching you years ago and you suffering through horrific periods because you wanted to keep the ability to have children. It worried me, I hope that when you are done having kids you can get treatment. I have a hysterectomy myself and it went great. Single motherhood wil be really hard at times but I don't think it matters who the grown ups are that support and love the child as long as they are there.
Watch you for a good 5 years or so, send love from Russia/Germany!
Honestly I think your story is so inspiring ❤️❤️❤️ I’m 25 and I’ve always wanted to be a mom since I was 16 I used to watch day in the life vlogs of teen moms, but I knew I was too young, now that I’m financially stable I’ve been thinking about getting a sperm donor… I wanna save up and do it before I hit either 28 or 29 years old. I can’t wait to start this process
I really admire you - you're more mature than many ppl twice your age! Are you planning to have any more children or is the one enough for you?
I looooove that you're ace (I am too) and I watched you before either of us knew 😅
I love your top
How did you navigate getting diagnosed with andomiosys? I know my body really well and I know that what I experience each month isn't right. I have had ultrasound scans but nothing has been discovered so no further investigation is being carried out. Is it best to go private? How much will that cost me? I just want to know what is wrong so that I know what my fertility options will be further down the line
My husband also got lyme disease in high school
I am aroace basically I thought I wanted kids but I know I'm not emotionally mature enough yet. I'm 28 in a week. I love the stair case theory. Would you consider home schooling? X
How did you go about choosing a name for Orin? It's such a gorgeous name
So with you on a peaceful/contented life vs happy, for the exact reason you can't be happy all the time
This is a surprise to me because when my mum fostered, she was told immediately after a child was placed with her that she had a certain amount of time to find full time childcare and she worked full time as an estate agent
Can you share how you chose that particular sperm donor and will you be using that same donor for the rest of your children?
How old were you when you were diagnosed with Lyme disease? X
Just watched half of the interesting vlog. Great Mum I'm sure but I do always feel sorry for a child without a Dad, of course it often happens for the good of both mother and child but this does throw some light on why anyone would embark on solo motherhood. For myself I couldn't imagine never having had a family. I've watched the young woman featured over many years, I can never quite put my finger on what it is but whilst I know we are all different there is certainly something about her which is 'different', not sure what it is, on the spectrum?, I don't know. Wishing her all the best, he's a beautiful baby and being well cared for and loved and I hope her health continues to be good.
Would you want to have another kid?
Are you happy with one baby or would you like to grow your family ?
Do you still see any of your foster kids or maze and ubay
Have you ever considered you could be on the aromantic spectrum? Because I don't see any link between being on the asexual spectrum and having no interest in dating.
Why did you decide to go down the IUI route and not insemination yourself?