The dangers of manufactured childhood magic || Motherhood In Progress
Vložit
- čas přidán 24. 06. 2024
- Get your first purchase from Blueland for 15% off by clicking my link www.blueland.com/embersash
BONUS CONTENT ||
Head over to my Patreon at / ashleyembers to get a BONUS video essay every month as well as more perks!
TIME STAMPS
00:00 - intro
01:49 - the new standard
04:19 - Blueland
06:28 - the creation of ideological childhood
08:31 - keeping up with the moms
10:41 - perpetual mom guilt
15:23 - the effects on the children
18:59 - a mother's role
21:41 - the magic of childhood
23:53 - final thoughts
REFERENCES & RESOURCES
Who The H*ll Let Kids' Birthday Parties Get So Out Of Control? - www.scarymommy.com/parenting/...
Dear Mothers: We Can’t Keep Pretending This Is Working for Us - revolutionfromhome.com/2019/0...
To all the mums who think others are doing it better guess what? They’re not - babyology.com.au/health/wellb...
Let Kids Get Bored. It’s Good for Them. - www.nytimes.com/2023/06/19/we...
Why Kids Need Time Alone with Their Friends - rb.gy/c2akiq
The Culture of Childhood: We’ve Almost Destroyed It - / the-culture-of-childho...
Playtime Is Over! - slate.com/human-interest/2019...
MUSIC
Epidemic Sound: player.epidemicsound.com
CONTACT ME
My name is ashley, if you didn't know ;)
/ ashley_embers_
Business Inquiries: hello@embersash.com
*These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
#magicalchildhood #magicalmotherhood #kidsbirthdayparties #kidsdontplay #letkidsgetbored
#ruinedchildhood #motherhoodinprogress - Jak na to + styl
If everything is "magical", then nothing is.
Exactly! This lifestyle is also out of budget for most people on earth. How has this become the standard and how do they afford this?
Preserving magic without overindulging though. School is already magicless enough.
Agree, but the primary issue isn't so much the gestures themselves but that so many parents simply do this to lowkey flex online & receive digital praise, rather than TRULY for the benefit of their kids. Children can sense fakery, too! In fact, many will undoubtedly question their parents' motivations for such extravagant displays as they get older - leading to a high probability of a premature existential life crisis wherein they feel fundamentally unloved and commodified for online popularity.
BOOM
You do know that Syndrome was the bad guy and that he was wrong, right?
Ok therapist here. In general, yes i agree with most of what you are saying. Boredom is essential for developing creativity. But quick point here.... the "dopamine is only released with dad" thing is absolute BS. Neurobiology it's far more individual and complex than a 30 second tik tok can explain. This pinterest parenting thing is also a function of wealth, privledge and social isolation. Far more often children aren't played with enough by their parents, parents are busy and unable to do this and children instead are over-entertained by screens. Provide safe environments for supervised individual exploration for young babies and toddlers. For older kids set firm boundaries around technology and instead of setting up aestheticly pleasing activities and buying tons of garbage, get down and play with your kids the way they want to. Support what they want to do. Good parenting is far less complex than most think. If you are worried you might be doing it wrong, you are probably doing a good job. Social media isn't reality.
Thank you so much for pointing this out. I’ve been looking through the comments trying to find someone criticizing that bit. Really weird misinformation. Other than that, there were some interesting perspectives shown.
Thank you for saying this! That part of the video caught me entirely off guard - I'm not a parent but I am a young adult, and I played much more with my mother than with my father [and I certainly didn't enjoy snuggling]. The bioessentialism honestly concerned me that this was some sort of tradwife-adjacent channel, although that doesn't seem reflected by the rest of the channel's videos. Honestly I feel like this video was lacking a lot of material analysis.
I was enjoying the video until she said that. I enjoy playing with my kid and he enjoys it. Next time when my little son asks me to play with him I will just give him a hug and tell him go play with your dad 😅
@@lonely_space_egg yeah. This video popped up in my feed and as soon as i saw that i was like wait what.....oh no. not only is it a fundamental misunderstanding of how dopamine works and how complex brain chemistry relates to behavior, it also completely ignored individual differences, situational differences, and how prior experience would alter things. I mean.... you do know some kids don't have moms. Some don't have dads. Some kids have parents that stay home all day, some have parents that are rarely their primary caregiver. I'm just like... your gonna leave that asinine tiktok in with no rebuttal as if it's true!? I don't understand how people think pulling a random video off tiktok is research or evidence. It worries me for the future generations media literacy sometimes. Never repeat a fact if your source is only "i heard somewhere...." yeesh. Sorry, as a therapist and parent i got a bit worked up on that one. Lol
Thank you! I thought that clip was so ridiculous given what I understand scientifically about dopamine. Especially cause growing up, my dad loved snuggles, he didn’t play with us much, and we wanted to snuggle him over playing.
that tiktok about releasing dopamine with dad vs mum seems extremely unscientific
It's this weird pseudoscience thing that usually goes around about oxytocin, but this is the first time I've heard it about dopamine. It's based on nothing.
I thought so too, but maybe her point is that a mother shouldn't be the sole playmate in a child's life and that mothers can give a child joy by just sitting with them. That it's not always about the activities a parent and child are doing, but about the quality time in it. That's what I'm choosing to lean with... I highly doubt kids only experience dopamine surges while playing with dad and cuddling with mom lol
came here to say this. like what?? having fun with a loved one releases dopamine. period.
It is extremely unscientific..... if it's based on anything at all (which i doubt they actually did a study measuring dopamine release in young children playing with their parents), it would be assuming every household is a 2 parent, heterosexual dyad with mom as primary caregiver. Not to mention that neurotransmitter chemistry doesn't really work like that, and a thousands factors would influence individual differences..... it's just a big no. It just shouldn't have been included. Most of this video is decent commentary, but as a therapist i was a little horrified that that video made the final cut.
@@hkandm4s23 completely agree
The thing is: its not for the kids its for the views and in a couple of years they will know it
That's the thing, we wouldn't be seeing 99% of these if they weren't being leveraged for social media. I don't run in these circles in real life, and I can tell you even the more affluent parents in our area who don't have social media presences pretty much just rent the event room at the science museum
THIS!!! 200% agree 👍🏻 These moms are "stuntin' and frontin'" for likes and digital "attagirls" from the 'Gram and the 'Tok.... and their children are merely accessories and afterthoughts to the equation. Surprised more aren't in agreement here with us on this, as it seems quite obvious that THIS is the true issue at hand!
@@ceeemm172ok, that sounds cute!
@@PlayerTenji95 It's perfect! You get a costco cake and the staff let you carefully hold a giant stick bug!
I have extravagant parties for my child. I don’t post them or invite anyone outside of family. Your comment doesn’t apply to most parents who prioritize birthdays.
I don't mind spoiling kids. I think part of the fun of having kids is spoiling them for good behavior and just 'cause you love them, but these 'birthday parties' and the like always felt like parents flexing than an actual celebration.
that’s EXACTLY it!
I'm glad you explain it well. I don't want parents scared into thinking spoiling their kids will doom them or guarantee mom guilt. I want my kids to have fun at their birthday party, not rub my financial success in front of everyone. Doing Pinterest activities on a rainy day is fine, but not all the time. Like anything under 5, they ain't gonna remember.
I know a mom who drove six hours round trip and spent $300 on a six year old's birthday cake. It was cute and tasted good. But what I remember about it was that she had to drive six hours round trip and pay $300 for it.
Every year seems to be what normally would be reserved for a coming of age, if you come from a culture that does those at whichever age benchmark
Yeah rich kids have always had these kids of event-coordinated parties but social media means we're seeing them + creating them is a lot of peoples' jobs
Man when I was a kid, my birthday parties were an old slip n slide, a piñata, and an ice cream cake
Mine were gifts in the living room (sometimes things to be shared between me and my brother like a video game), homemade cake, and favorite dinner
I usually went swimming
and the cake was maybe the most "extravagant" thing at the party, but only going as far as theming the cake to your favorite show. so simple but it was the best time
Yep. Some were spoiled with roller skate or bumper bowling or even hotel pool parties but most were literally just at their houses with pizza and cake. Nothing extravagant.
@@katie7748 my sister got the bumper bowling parties, but mostly because her birthday was in the Winter and mom didn’t like the idea of a bunch of children running around her house
I'm a preschool teacher. I can't tell you how many kids have vacationed in Hawaii, and when they return, the part the kids remember is the hotel
My friends took their kids to Disney when their son was 16 (he’s developmentally disabled). I asked what he liked most at the park.
His face lit up. “I liked the people mover!” he answered. The trip cost about $10K, and *his* favorite part was the shuttle.
YESS I have a kid in my class who when to Niagara Falls and nyc and all they talked about is the hotel elevator and pool 😂
@@llamasugar5478I mean this in the nicest way, I think you misunderstood him - The People Mover isn’t a shuttle, it’s a ride/train that’s elevated above the park with full narration and LED lights timed to music that goes on a trio around the park and then returns to one station. While in it you get this really fun and unique view of everything while in air conditioned comfort!
It passes over/by so much, giving you unique views of everything as it does- the walkway to Fantasyland, the Tomorrowland Speedway, Main Street USA, the exterior of the Carousel of Progress, the old Galaxy Palace Theater, Tron Lightcycle Power Run, the WDW Railroad tracks, The Buzz Lightyear ride, The Monster Inc laugh floor and more! It also goes through show buildings like Space Mountain!
A lot of people are very very passionate about it, including Offhand Disney, albeit maybe as an ongoing inside joke for his channel haha. It was built as the “transportation of the future “ as the future was a huge recurring theme, Walt Disney was very passionate about the idea of a futuristic utopia. It was briefly replaced in ‘95 then the general outcry brought it back from the dead! It also recently got reopened/refurbished after Covid to fanfare.
I do agree that destination vacations for small children are a mixed bag, but are mostly for the parents. Kids don’t need much to be excited when you’re excited/ when they get time with you! I just wanted to defend the choice of The People Mover a bit.
@@llamasugar5478 the Peoplemover is an actual ride! It’s not a cute kid name for a bus- it’s a ride that acts as a tour around Tommorrowland in the Magic Kingdom! A valid answer, it’s a neat one as it’s one of the only ways you can potentially see Space Mountain with the lights on! (Which is utterly horrifying I might add- it looks like scaffolding)
THIS IS SO ACCURATE 😂
"all the birthday parties had the theme of.. birthday party" lmao it's true though 😂
...and we LOVED them! I have wonderful memories of my cheapo, small birthday parties at home. I got to have 5 friends over for games, I got to make and decorate a cake with my mom, what could be better! We used American Girl party ideas and it was so fun!
You guys didn't have birthday themed parties in America? I don't know about before, but in Venezuela themed birthday parties have been the norm since I was born (95). I'm from a working class background and mine were simple but ALWAYS had a theme (Barney, Powerpuff Girls, Barbie, etc) and same for my cousins and friends, so this "trend" is the most normal thing in the world to me.
@@mariakarolina7753we definitely did like even my parents generation like you had snoopy or fairies or whatever so idk what she’s talking about lol. Also I feel like valentines was cool cards and bonus points for candy
@@panmoncada7257 yeah a lot of this stuff just seems like normal parenting stuff but exaggerated for social media
That was true for "90's
Disclaimer- im not a mom. I’m a nanny for wealthy families and I’ve seen one family have an extravagant party. Most parents I know or have worked for do not do this kind of stuff. Even the wealthiest give their kids a few gifts, a homemade cake and rent a room at the pool or park.
I’m really curious does this happen in real life? Or is our perception skewed because we’re all chronically online? The majority of parties we see are by scrolling and obviously we see a lot by being online.
I attended one party that was like this. We were not prepared for the extravagance of the party and were honestly uncomfortable. The host did not come across as wealthy, and definitely not wealthier than us. It was just a totally different parenting culture than the rest of my circles.
It's all just content that is generated by professional content generators. These aren't normal people.
So, as with lots of materialistic cultural phenomenons, this sorta thing is sold specifically to the middle class. Influencers tend to use a "I'm just like you" marketing schtick, their audience is average folks, not the wealthy or super wealthy, so it's not surprising that higher income households don't partake.
I have three children and have been to quite a few parties. We're in a rural part of Ontario Canada. There's been one party where they'd rented bouncy castles and it was a huge crowd, but mostly it's been more low-key. The Pinterest/instagram influence seems to be limited to some of them having a beautiful display table, so there's one wall and table that's all fancy. Sometimes people have the party at a trampoline park or something, which is pricier for sure!
I like throwing parties for my kids, so I do go all out, but my version of "all out" is very home made. Like, when my daughter turned 4 and wanted a cat party: making felt ears on hair clips, and painting whiskers on. I read "the three little kittens" and we played a game where they had to find mittens that were hidden around the house, and hang them on a rope tied between two chairs. And the cake was decorated (by me) like a cat. And we did a cat craft. They had a great time! I don't know if it was excessive. It took a lot of energy, but it wasn't expensive. And I enjoy that sort of thing.
Sometimes we make piñatas. I find that involving the kids in planning the party and getting things ready is as enjoyable as the party itself, in a different way.
(I also limit the number of guests to less than 6, as that way it's more like a really fun playdate vs madhouse)
@@_goblin-_-mode_ My son's school is in a lower to middle income area and he hasn't been to any extravagant parties either. It's been either cake and snacks at home, then a treasure hunt and some games outside or party packages at a trampoline park, a soft play, a petting zoo, a museum etc.
So I think it's mostly a social media phenomenon.
I felt bad about not having a balloon arch at my 3-year-old's birthday party. Thank you for talking me down 😅.
The world didn’t need that plastic in the landfill! And tbh you probably didn’t have to waste the money on it in this economy. You did the right thing
My mom is actually scared of lightning and the sound balloons make reminds her of that; so, I never had balloons at my party. I only ever got one when we went to an event that was going to throw them out anyway and I would spend a few days playing with it if I didn't pop it. It made it more special.
If your kid loves balloons, then include ones they can hit each other with, pop, ride, or flail back and forth. They are more likely to destroy the arch to get one than to appreciate the effort put into making it. And it's less balloons.
Maybe save that for when they'll actually remember it, but the kits are as cheap as 20 bucks of your kid wants one when they're older. Y'all can sit on the floor with some music and assemble it together. It can be a bit tedious though, so be ready for that. Or you can opt for cheaper and more eco-friendly paper streamers. Or you don't have to do it at all
You don’t need balloons!! They are so bad for the environment as well. Long as a kid has fun running around with friends that’s all that matters.
Balloons are bad for the environment and I guarantee you that your 3 year old would be too young to even remember it 😅 in short: you're just fine lol
These parents forget that this will all just become stuff and their kids will remember how they cared more about the internet than them. Magical childhoods are built in small moments.The little things you do with them on a regular basis. My daughter was thrilled to help me save a pill bug. She didn't get shoes on and I didn't want her to walk on the outside ground without shoes. I lifted her in one arm with the pill bug in the other. She loved how I was able to hold her with one arm, and how she had to not touch the ground, and we saved a bug. This was a free experience.
Yes! Stuff doesn’t make things magical. You don’t need to buy your kid more stuff. Just spend time with your kids when you can and save some bugs
Yup! I still remember the catapillar my mom and I took care of in a little bug hut when I was 4. Or when she glued the wing back on my little angel figurine when I broke it. I also remember how she would swing me around in a circle! She died when I was 5 and these little memories are what I treasure most. I couldn’t tell you a single thing she bought me, or toys I had.
the birthday party i remember the most growing up was the one my parents probably spent the least on. i wanted beach/ocean theme, so they got a themed cake, plastic tablecloth, and cardboard ‘snack shack’ that my brother ran. the living room we put down a blue blanket and all of the stuffed sea creatures we had, and i wore my swimsuit (my birthday is in february so this was a big deal for child me.). most of the fun was from stuff we already owned, and the only things bought were the cake and the few decorations.
And it’s all ending up in a landfill. How many times do we hint Miss trad wife “Snow White” making breakfast cereal wears that outfit or actually uses her silicone cough drop molds?
That doesn’t have anything to do with how your child will want to be celebrated on her birthday when she’s able to have an opinion.
Love this topic. On Monday I took my 2 year old to a kids museum and today we went to get groceries. In both cases he came home and said what a fun day it had been. Childhood in itself is really magical. I think I over complicate it at times 😂
That’s too funny 😂
It's all new to them, and I think they just like hanging out with you.
My daughter absolutely loves riding the city bus. We don’t do it often, so it’s a magical experience whenever we do, and usually we’re going somewhere new and different (even if it’s just the downtown bank branch). She always points out the buses if one passes us and looks to see what route number it is (the number 1 bus is the one we usually take so she’s always on the lookout for that one). The larger grocery store we sometimes shop at for certain things has an escalator so she’s always thrilled when we go there. Last summer we were on a quest to visit every splash pad in our region…after a hitting up dozen by the end of the season, we were still only halfway through our list. Can’t beat free entertainment like a splash pad, park, or playground with friends or neighbourhood kids when you’re 3-4 yrs old! Those things are just as special as going to an event or paid attraction.
@@jessicapavilonis1324. I live in a rural area with no public transport. My kids rode a train only once in their life and they thought it was the best day ever 😂. It doesn’t have to be expensive …it just has to be something new. I wasn’t rich so I tried to keep my kids expectations low.😂
Yea! because it was! any outing was magical for us. just leaving the house honestly or staying home with toys. As long as we weren't doing school/ chores, I was happy as a kid. Found something fun to do😅
To be fair, valentine's day always included a treat with the card when i was growing up in the 90s. But it was as simple as you buying a small back of assorted fun size candies with a box of cheap cards, and you'd tape one piece of candy to the back of the card.
Even into the 2010s, that was how it went. My mom would sit me down with a list of my classmates' names and I would write out every card and decide which flavor this person would get.
Mhm, that’s what we did for all of my elementary school years throughout the 2000s. It was always pretty fun. Sometimes we’d to craft projects to make our candy bags.
Yes! And decorating your paper bag "mailbox" for everyone to drop them in was so fun 😊
My mum never liked buying the premade cards or stuff. But I remember one year my dad helped me cut out red hearts from construction paper, and then together we thought of a little poem for each person. Every one was different and made for the classmate. I still remember how genuinely impressed the parents who would come help out in class were at them.
This I remember getting freddo chocolate and an flower from the garden. People just looking for Insta lokes
Loved this so much. I recently saw a mom on social media basically apologizing because she threw a birthday party for her son where she “only” had Party City decorations and Costco pizza and cake. I just thought, “wow, this is sad.” So many of us have lost the plot. To all the moms out there worried about this, you’re doing fine.
that party honestly sounds perfect !!! time for her son to spend with friends and family, eat food, maybe play some games, and celebrate. wins all around in my book 🤷🏼♀️
That sounds delicious and fun!
My kids are use to Sam’s club cakes. We are setting them up for their future & I want to make sure my kids don’t go overboard when they become parents. We lead by example
What kind of cake?
i never got birthday "parties". i got cake and presents but we never really decorated or invited anyone
"everything is magic until it becomes routine" is a very fitting quote for this
I think there’s a balance that’s lacking. My husband unfortunately grew up in a home where you “work hard to play hard” but the play hard was only ever things his parents enjoyed and activities that weren’t necessarily kid friendly. He holds some resentment over this and the neglect he feels is something he doesn’t want to pass on to our kids. I’ve seen some parents admit that those extravagant parties are for them, not their child and I wonder if it’s due to similar feelings of neglect or resentment that my husband feels. They’re projecting all the things they wish they’d had as a child onto their children.
I personally love the cheap Hobby Lobby/Dollar Tree decorations and I specifically like to bake. It doesn’t need to be fancy and planning anything more than simple decorations and a cake burns me out just thinking about it.
I used to work at a casino where there was a steakhouse that was easily $300 for one meal for 2 people. The amount of times I made a reservation for a child's birthday part where they were like 3-12 was too many. Like I know this fancy steakhouse with literally nothing kid friendly in the menu or the atmosphere is not your kids favorite place. It's yours. This is for you. Stop playing.
Man I give my 4 year old a cool rock I found and shes good for like 30min lol. Kids don't need you to go bankrupt trying to entertain them/make them happy.
That’s so true. Kids will entertain themselves with whatever they’re given, or whatever they can find, but the things like we can see in this video completely destroy the child’s ability to be bored and entertain themselves. I have memories of spending hours digging holes in the local sandpit as a kid. Completely free and completely entertaining.
It's always the boxes. Cats and children love them. The box probably had something you spent too much money on for them, and all they really care about is the box. 🤷♀️
this is the thin that bothers me so much. kids under a certain age find almost everything entertaining and can really play with barely anything. why give them tons of expensive things when they're equally happy without it. the point where they will actually want expensive stuff comes soon enough
Your child is 4. After 6, that rock won’t do it for them.
My 4 year old son is currently obsessed with some black walnuts he found in the backyard.
We have 8 kids. The birthday formula is the birthday kid tells me what they want for dinner and dessert, a break from some chores, 3 gifts, and we read The Birthday Book by Dr. Seuss to everyone regardless of age. They know what to expect, and they love it. They talk about their birthdays all year. It’s so simple. They just need to know they are seen and loved.
Omg. We grew up not “celebrating” our birthdays for religious reasons, but- we knew that on our birthdays, our mom would tell our birth stories, and we looked forward to it every damn year 🥹
That is so beautiful! I hate how much of holidays are focused solely on gift giving! I'll be saving the "reading a book to the family" idea if I do decide to have a child.
I love this ❤
I literally heard other people say that they don't want to have a second child because they won't have enough money and energy for two birthdays and Christmas.... they also mentioned crazy parties and 10-15 gifts for both occasions. It honestly blows my mind.
Magic does not come from consumerism.
Ps. But then again, it is probably the same people who take on a loan to throw a wedding party 🤦♀️
that's really sad.
my brother is a deeply irritating little twerp a lot of the time, but I love that twerp and I can't think of any other single thing that my parents could have chosen that would've had the impact on me that he has.
See, when I tell people I can't afford to have children right now because I can't afford to take care of myself, I am envisioning being unable to give them more than clothes for Christmas. My mom did make some magical birthday parties when I was in elementary school but she made the cake herself and back then, we could go to Goodwill and buy "costumes."
My children actually thank me all the time that they have each other and that we didn't have just one. We aren't wealthy by any stretch of the imagination...and have been homeless thanks to c♤♤cer...but they're fed and clothed and, most importantly, wanted and LOVED.
10-15 gifts on EACH occasion?? What kinda Dudley level nonsense is that, give the kids ONE gift 😂 (but srsly, give them ONE good gift instead of 15 crappy ones, they will appreciate it so much more)
Did those other people also happen to be named like idk “Vernon” or “Petunia”?
My mother was one of these moms and it only did damage to the family. Her outlet was scrapbooks and family calendars rather than social media, but there was the same intense pressure to have the “correct” emotions for the cameras, regardless of how stressed you were-not just about her emotional state but also about the amount of time, effort, and money that she had poured into the “magical day”. Every birthday, holiday, trip, etc. was hell, because it was one unending, massive, exhausting performance from the time you woke up until you crawled into bed at the end of the day. Why? So that she got the emotional return on investment she needed for the amount of labor she had convinced herself was necessary to put in. If we didn’t perform, she was irate in the moment and fell into a horrible depressive state for days (or longer) afterwards. I’m a married woman now who hasn’t lived under her roof in years yet I still hate my birthday and get anxiety attacks during the holidays (even minor ones that are more excuses for Hallmark commercialization than actual holidays).
She always felt like we didn’t appreciate the work and money and effort she had put in to the event(s) and day(s), and resented us for it. But the reality was that even when we were tiny kids, we understood that it was for her, not us. She needed to feel like the kind of mom who was loving enough to spend hours printing and hand-cutting painstakingly crafter cupcake toppers and banners. Because the culture around her had convinced her that *that’s* what it meant to be a good mother. And maybe if she had not have had that pressure imposed on her, she actually could have been one.
I have a lot of sympathy for what she was put through, and for anyone who feels compelled to perform celebrations in this way to be a good mom, please know that all your kids really want is for you to hang out with them. No party is worth your sanity. No party is worth distancing yourself from your kids by putting on a false mask of what society tells you a “good mother” is. Because you are a good mother for wanting your kids to be celebrated and happy, and no amount of streamers or goodie bags are required to prove that-no matter what social media says.
(Edited for a typo)
This comment really stuck out to me, you’re so aware and descriptive it’s brilliant!
I don’t know if you described me 100%, but I never looked at it like this. I don’t post things or take photos much, so it’s not for the photos, it’s more for the memories (partly for myself.. probably trying to make up for what I wanted as a child and partly for my kids, so they can have fun times/memories) but I think I may still have the same problem as your mother. I’m a bit of a perfectionist. 😢
Thank you for sharing and being so transparent about your experience. ❤
I’ve had a similar experience
My mother would always have the perfect picture of how something would go
Gifts stress me out because I’m worried I won’t react the way I’m supposed to
And like you said when I’m aware of the effort put into something I have to but in the energy to preform the way I’m expected to
Even little things
I remember my mom had to paint our rooms once
And she had pictured playing music and painting and laughing and having fun
But we were both tired and didn’t even want to paint
I remember being upset that I had ruined the moment she wanted
My in laws think that celebrations (including birthdays) are to show off how well they and the children are doing. My FIL said that the wedding isn't about the bride but about the parents showing off how well the son is doing
This was like... every woman I grew around. Before social media girls were slave to the scrapbook. And before the scrapbook there was something else for my grandmother's gen as well. Humans haven't changed much all.
Thank you. I do let my children get bored sometimes because I need to tidy up or do something in the house. And now they can spend hours playing on their own and have fun doing so. We do have outings once in a while and have special days but most days are the same, nothing special but my children are happy and will gladly snuggle in bed with me during bedtime. Children can be happy with a cardboard box and crayons as long as they know that their parents are here for them and love them.
Oh my words I loved cardboard boxes and loads of pillows and blankets..built so many tunnels, mazes and houses 😅 fun times
Them being bored is good for them. My parents were very intentional about allowing my brother and I to be bored. They would prompt us to knock on the doors of our neighborhood friends to play with us or prompt us to come up with a game ourselves. It really allowed a lot of freedom for me as a kid to create and be imaginative. That is really missing with a lot of kids now. Being bored is good for you. It opens the door to your creativity.
My mom let me keep our washing machine box and it took me 3 days to color it with crayons into a house with a spiral staircase 😂❤
My friend, the cat and I played in the box for another 8 days.
The extravagant birthday parties for children under the age of like 8 are just really for the parents. Honestly, a 4 or 5-year-old is not going to remember their birthday party. 🤷♀
The worst ones are for the 1-2year old tbh
I think I would have remembered a birthday party at 5 years old, I remember I scar in my mouth due to eating a pretzel at 1.
To be fair, I (a millennial mom) have explicitly stated to all my family that I want to do a small, minimal party for my kid this year with few presents, and the in-laws (gen X) are the ones trying to pressure me to do more. I don't think it's just the parents wanting this stuff. I do not wanna spend $500 again on a birthday party, trust me. I'm not the one living on Instagram and Facebook trying to manufacture a fantasy, but I'm still feeling this pressure from the people who are.
That's not the reason I would say they're over the top. ANYTHING done with love will be well received, no matter what the age. I know you don't mean to say children under 5 don't matter, but imo saying 'it doesn't matter because they won't remember' to me is at least starting on that line. If you put love into something for your kid, they feel it, and it forms part of their secure attachment which is so vital when they're under 5. My point is there shouldn't be pressure to do something extravagant, but if done out of love, you absolutely can. Sure the finer details may not be absorbed, so I do agree some of it is more for the parents enjoying the aesthetics, but even then, young kid's minds are incredibly absorbent and they might have a sense of the artistry about it and learn something as a result. The problem is that when it's plastered on social media, it's not always done out of love, and it feels a bit out of touch/puts pressure on others.
I recall very little of my third birthday. It was at a local park, there were those chocolate foil coins… that’s all I can remember!
Also the amount of waste this creates is astronomical. I won’t go against my morals in being as low waste as possible (I’m not perfect but I refuse to buy junk items or one time use items).
That’s a very American phenomenon. In France we’d never go that hard. The most I’ve seen a mom do is buy a birthday party pack from Amazon lol. I’ve never seen anything like it, even in super wealthy areas.
This was exactly what i was thinking (i’m from the Netherlands). My birthday parties were basically a crafting activity, a special snack like a cupcake cause i wasn’t big on birthday cakes, some games like hide and seek and presents. The most extravagant it would get was going to the pool, the movies or idk paintball. (I’m from 2005 and most of my friends were younger than me)
I agree. In Australia the rich kids had a McDonald’s party 😂. The rest of us had cake and games at home.
It's absolutely bizarre. I've never bought into it, but it seems like so many other Americans are fully engaged and plugged into hyper consumerism with an over abundance of material items & literal garbage. Our overall material conditions are fairly poor, none of our basic needs are provided for, so all of this other stuff is just a distraction that's ruining our health and Earth. Cultures centered around over-consumption are toxic.
Very specifically wealthy white american, even more specifically influencers! It's all for creating content.
I am in America and I am unfamiliar with this trend. And I have 4 kids ages 7-13 and upper middle class so if it was happening here i’d think i’d be in the demographic to see it. I think this is American content creators which is about has representative of Americans as the french peas from veggie tales are of the french
My son turned 5 this year and this was the first year he wanted a birthday party with his friends, he asked for Chuck E. Cheese of all places! It was great, everyone had fun and it didn't cost me an exorbitant amount of money. I've already told my family next year we'll just have his friends over the house. Also when did every holiday become an opportunity to pile more crap into our houses?! I hate it, Valentine's day especially I feel has gotten so out of hand, give me little cards with a lollipop and call it a day.
My son just had a chucked cheese birthday party. I haven’t been in years and it’s so updated lol but it was fun and not tooo expensive! 🫶🏾
My most fond childhood memory is a rainy camping day in our tent. Almost everyone around us left and we sat in our tent trying to cook couscous on our little stove and we could have lunch in our bed playing boardgames. The next day the weather was great again and we went on a hike with our dog loose, because there was noone around. 😂
Love it
the "standard" seems in direct opposition to the complaint that everything is too expensive now and that our job compensation isn't keeping up with the cost of living.
This so-called “standard” only belongs to a small slice of the population who have partaken of the benefits of wealth.
….or who are grossly in debt
Yes. It is the behavior of rich people, being adopted by increasingly poorer people. We all need to wake up, get back to what’s worked for thousands of years, and judge ourselves and others for the quality of company, not entertainment.
Wow, it's almost like people on social media whose product is their image are going to go overboard with visually interesting things to post! It's a business, not the normal person
@@msjkramey lol. true.
When my kids say they're bored i tell them "only you can solve that"
I always say “How exciting! Now you get to exercise your imagination!”
As a kid if I was bored my mom gave me chores to do so I never said I was bored even if I was
.....Mom???? Lmao but it worked! We would wander off to play or read or whatever.
Disclaimer, I'm not a mom, but I feel like a big part of this is the fragmentation of community as you mentioned in the video... kids can no longer rely on other kids for entertainment and parents can no longer rely on other adults for occasionally helping their children out with brand new experiences, so parents feel like they need to do more and more just to keep their kids happy
My baby loves running around in the yard with the chickens, loves feeding the cow, and plays in the daisies with the cat. She has no idea she's missing all these toys and glitter
I’m due to have my first baby next week, and I’m looking forward to celebrating the experience of her finding a really good stick in the woods. Or maybe the joy of being so dirty you have to be hosed off before being allowed in the house because the summertime mud puddles were just too good to pass up.
Part of the magic of childhood is being bored enough to need the imagination, which is a powerful thing.
Who cares? My mom never gave a shit about that stupid magical stuff. Go and watch your kid play dirty I guess. I wasn't allowed to be a kid. Why are cruel previous generations suddenly acting nice?
Congrats and gl, hope everything goes well
Who cares!? Your dumb dreams are stupid.
My parents neglected me and hated me. All parents hate their children. You will too.
Who cares!? You wanna neglect your baby? You wanna leave them alone forever. Childhood doesn't exist anymore thanks to people like you. Give birth to an animal why don't you?
UNPOPULAR OPINION: I think you are spending too much time on social media. It’s not every day average parents doing this stuff. It is people who have money, and people who have money have always done extravagant events for their children. Take a look at balls from the Victorian era or 15th Birthday parties in Hispanic cultures. Ever seen the TV show “My Super Sweet 16?” These are millionaire vloggers you are seeing, and they have ALWAYS spoiled their children. There are still average people out here having average experiences. Millionaires are just in the spotlight, so you see them more. Of course they’re worried about getting photos and videos from these beautifully overdone events. Let these people spoil their kids. We can raise our kids how we see fit as long as no one is harmed and so can they.
Yeah, I think it depends on your social circle. Like there are people in a wealthy suburb near me that totally fall into this trap, but in my very middle-class neighborhood, no one would give a crap.
Lol I didn't mean to rhyme
All this has one common thing..... People need to turn off/ delete social media and stop putting/ living your lives through it.
Don't compare yourself to others and stop caring what other people think.
Problem solved.
You're welcome
Honestly I think it’s the opposite . People have these parties so they can show them off on social media…not because they have seen them there. I’ve seen tons of them…but no way am I wasting that type of money. My daughter recently turned 18 and I went all out ( by my standards) and spent $100 on her party 😂. Her and her friends had a great time at my house and her friends kept telling me I over catered and they couldn’t possibly eat all the food. They played UNO and Mario Cart and they were here for 5 hours instead of the planned 2 becuse they didn’t want to go home.
I agree! We literally tell young girls to not believe what they see online so why are the same moms believing everything they see online as well. These perfect moms online are just showing you what they want you to see! It’s the same thing models do! I think it’s time to take our own advice and not believe in everything we see online.
This was my first year buying school Valentine's cards and i literally couldn't find a set of JUST cards (at least that my kid liked). The ones we picked came with a themed pencil for each card, which i reluctantly attached to avoid having 16 extra pencils in my house. You can't even do the bare minimum in situations where you want to!
I wonder how many of those pencils ended up in the trash...
At least a pencil is something you can use at school haha
No all of them end up in the trash
They have pencils now?! I know I'm the odd one but I have an unsharpened pencil collection so I would have loved those. Pencils are very hard to find as a souvenir now and I don't know what I am going to do with my collection because I will never be able to use them all at this point (maybe turn them into an art piece? Still deciding.)
I guess I am trying to say more of them might have been spared the bin than you think.
We know ALL the cards did....
also the cards were sad. i remember there was variety back in the day.
I don’t usually comment but this video means so much to me. I’m so obsessed with trying to make everything magical that it takes away the magic. Thank you sincerely
We lived in poverty growing up. I knew we were poor, but my mom was always trying to make or do something with scraps or what little we had. She provided wonderful meals out of few ingredients, made moments of us going without seem to be magical. Losing power meant pretending and playing while we had no TV or cable. A plain cardboard box could be anything in the world with imagination. It could be a rocket ship or a lemonade stand, a puppet theatre or flinstone car. We don't need to buy and consume to be happy. Though if I had kids I can see wanting to give them what I didn't always have. There can be a balance. But I dont have kids so I have NO IDEA how difficult it could be. Something a kid will never have enough of, is play. Just playing with your kid means more than anything. Looking back, all I had ever wanted from my mom was to play more. Just simple play.
We had our sons 2 year old birthday party in January at our house. We got dino plates, some dino balloons, pizza, family brought food, we said no presents. We invited family and daycare friends. Nothing crazy, just playing inside (it was January). It was so fun and everyone had a good time. Don't need anything crazy, just food and toys.
Well duh, he’s a baby. Come back when he’s five and give us any update lol.
Mother of a 5 && 7 year old this year. My 7yo had his 1st "big" birthday party, about $300, up to this point every year has been less than $50. Got my 5yo cake && ice cream. He still doesn't understand birthdays 100%😂 ur doing it right
I love this video!! Bday parties have gotten ridiculous for little kids. I hate how much they cost and the party favour bags is just bunch of junk the kid will be bored with in a few mins. I wish people stop giving those out and make that standard go away. But recently my son attended a bday party where the parents did something different. They asked each child to bring 2 gently used toys. Especially shop your kids toys they don’t play with. There was no rules on the value of the toy etc. The idea was the bday child gets one toy and the other toy goes in a pile and each kid gets to take a toy home from the pile.I loved this alternative.
I see what y’all are saying in some ways but what’s great is motherhood is now in style again which is such a departure from the parents of MY generation who resented us and lived to work and party! I personally LOVE doing all this stuff but I grew up poor and can do all the glam for a fraction of the price. I saved formula cans and toilet paper rolls and make a insane fake castle cake that ppl thought I spent thousands on but literally was just waste and I also sold it for $150 and recouped most of the money I spent.
That’s Genius!
I’m in my “old school” mom era! Back to basics! Play outside. Coloring in coloring books. Basic bday parties with family. No balloon arch, no dessert table, no goodie bags! I do play with my toddler on the floor. But that’s because I think it’s my personality. My daughter can cuddle with dad but not me. He’s more laid back, I’m more active. But I gave up on these new ways. I love the old school ways .
Something you might want to consider is commodification. Just doing this for social media is a way to get recognized and maybe sell your services. Back in the day, the only reason people did stuff like this was to impress their clients. Like inviting your employees and their families to an event like this.
Instagram and social media has people doing WAYYYY to much. The joy of childhood is that they find so much magic and joy in the little things, they appreciate everything so much more than adults do
I think the happiest my 4 year old has ever been is playing in the rain and the mud in the spring and the summer. Costs nothing but the water in her bath to clean her up after lol
The memories I treasure most weren't the carefully curated child centered activities my family splurged on, but the times my family invited me into their passions. My favorite memory from going to Disney World was the even after when the adults taught me how to play rummy and gave me sprite with a maraschino cherry.
My 2 year old loves buses, for his birthday we took him to a bus station. He loved it, he sang wheels on the bus to the buses and got to sit on a bus.
For his friends party it was a rented room at a playcenter (obviously bus themed 😂).
I think the overbearing parenting is a direct response to the unattached parenting of the early 1900s. It's the pendulum swung to the other extreme, but the healthy place is somewhere in the middle.
I worry people will narrow down parenthood as a choice. To either spoil them or rip every band aid off. As someone who's been neglected for years, I'm trying to become a mother, but the end of her video lost me. Who cares about hanging out with their mother in the garden? Most kids are lucky to have their parents around. I didn't. I remember parents not giving a shit and now it's the opposite problem of caring too much.
Yeah, as people we have a hard time with that for... most things it seems. I hope the pendulum can rest soon.
@@quartzidot4202i feel like someone to talk to would help you work through some of that before bringing a child into the world. Kids should not have to feel lucky to just have parents and get nothing else from them. Thats a very sad sentiment.
@chelscara Most people don't believe or dismiss my experience. I want a balance of both. I want special activities and outside activities. I want to host sleepovers and parties without flexing my financial success. Someone said it perfectly, "The balloon arch is for the parents, not the kids."
@@quartzidot4202talk to a professional. A therapist, a child psychologist. There are people out there who will listen to you. But you have to seek it out
Loved your point about it takes a village. When I hear about Sahm burnout I think a lot of it comes from not having a mom network. It's such a load off when your kid is off playing with another and you can swap notes with someone who's also in the trenches.
I think about how we were largely isolated within communities of a specific income level. I remember having a different experience than my friends because i went to school in the rich part of town where i didn't live, and i saw the way their graduation parties and birthdays looked. Rich kids with stay at home moms have always been having parties like this, but it wasn't hypernormalized and now a standard set for people who have no real way to achieve that.
The beginning of your video has reaffirmed a thought I have had for a few years now.
I don’t want to strive to make my children have a good childhood.
I want to make sure They Have A Childhood. Period.
I’m starting there, cause I believe in doing so they will have an excellent childhood.
This kind of nonsense is why many people feel they can't afford kids. Not that everyone who says that is just making excuses, but we have a chronic overestimation of how expensive kids are, in general.
It's certainly a factor but just the cost of childcare is insane. Half my check went to infant care and if I had two kids we would be homeless.
Idk I definitely feel that it can be a factor but honestly everyone i know including myself when we are thinking of not being able to afford to have kids we are not even thinking about their parties just childcare, cant afford for one partner to be sahp because we need both paychecks but then the childcare eats most of those paychecks. Heck a lot of us can barely afford to look after ourselves in this economy nevermind a baby.
It’s definitely in reverse. People chronically UNDERESTIMATE how much children cost. And the amount of people receiving government assistance for their kids proves that. lol.
I’ve always said social media has ruined us as a species, and in so many ways. 😓
Also, my kids had a structured school year. Why on earth would I structure their summer? They need a break as much as we do.
As a species, we have evolved to fit in for survival. We look to each other to know what to do and how to do it. Unfortunately, these parenting examples are now more online (and deceiving), rather than in person.
Most of us live the same life, but we rarely see it. ❤️
And thank you, Ashley, for another thought-provoking banger 🎉
All of these things are a very American/US problem. I live in Eastern Europe and no one does any of these things. I feel like consumerism is a very big problem in the US. For example we don't have rehearsal dinners, baby showers and gender reveals in my country. We don't buy presents and thank you bags for guests at weddings or other parties. We don't have save the dates (just invites) and we don't make gift baskets for bridesmaids etc. All of these things just generate a ton of plastic decorations and useless gag gifts that will never be used again. They are so useless. But I've heard that people feel pressured from society to get them. That is so maddening and unnecessary.
This video makes a lot of great points, but I highly doubt there's any biological difference between the mom and the dad and whether dopamine gets released through play or cuddling. Presenting that kind of sexist TikTok without any criticism is kind of irresponsible.
My birthday parties growing up were very magical, but not expensive. My mom would make games and activities, like a giant cardboard dog house maze for a doggy themed party i had. She also made very cool cakes for our birthday parties. This was before Pinterest and youtube took off so she usually came up with these ideas herself. I always loved the effort she put into those parties, even though i don't remember much of them now. There's nothing wrong with spoiling your child with an awesome birthday, but spending a mortgage on a 5 year old's party to impress other adults is prettu ridiculous.
i’m not a parent but i work as a lifeguard and see a lot of kids. the kids who seem to have the most fun are the ones who are allowed to explore and interact with other kids. they come up with games and test how far they can push the rules. those are some of the most important parts of development (and the nice part is us lifeguards will make them stop doing things that are dangerous). some of my fondest childhood memories were made while my mom read a book in a lounge chair and i was left to figure out how to have fun at the pool by myself. it’s great to have parents there when the kids need them but those kids absolutely adore their independence.
Thank you! I am a new mom to a 14 month old and the mom guilt is real. I'm so glad I'm not the only one thinking these things.
I got toys from the tooth fairy in the 90’s-2000’s lol, and I was told from the beginning that tooth fairy /santa was just a game for kids and parents and not real entities. I don’t think the toys were intended as a splurge but more because I didn’t care about money and if I got money I wouldn’t want to go shopping anyway because I was such a homebody.
I had plenty of time to be bored, draw pictures, read books, explore outside, make up stories with my sister and create that childhood magic/lore, etc… and I was shy so I wouldn’t have had one of those huge birthday parties even if my parents were the type to show off.
my birthday was always huge every year but only bc our neighbors across the street owned blow up water slides and my birthday lined up with when they cleaned them every year. so they’d bring one over for free and we’d throw some dawn dishwashing liquid on it and go insane. cake was from walmart and the theme was “don’t you dare go near my hydrangeas”
Some kids don’t even get a birthday party. What a f*caked up world we live in…
I can't stress enough at how happy I am that I grew up during the days of roller skating pizza parties and simple sleepovers.
My best childhood birthdays
- Go to Walmart with Dad to buy the basic decorations and cake
- Set em up on my own
- Call my friends on the landline
- Have fun playing with the new toys I had been gifted and listening to kids music
My first thought whenever i see videos like these is "wow, im sure glad to know that you have a lot of money and free time on your hands" really makes me relate to you and all
Thank you so much for your videos and all your hard work behind them. I’m a millennial mum of 2 toddlers now, I’m not really into social media but still feel the pressure sometimes of being perfect, create amazing memories and keep my kids happy, eating so healthy,etc. all the time. I do know that life is not meant to be “ social-media-perfect” and is great to hear other mums talking about this topic
Yes! Boredom is necessary for healthy child development! This war against boredom is why we now have a pandemic of ipad kids who are going to grow up with zero attention span and seeking constant stimulation/entertainment. I seriously worry that ADHD is going to become the neurotypical when all these kids can’t even eat a meal without an ipad set in front of them.
I stopped getting a birthday cake for my kids because we would either have a bunch left over or not enough. Instead I do "decorate your own cookie." I make a bunch of different shaped sugar cookies, get the premade frosting decorating bags in every color and of course sprinkles! My kids love it! I also provide treat boxes so the kids can decorate as many as they want and take them home as their party favors. 😁
What a fantastic idea! Totally stealing that if I ever have children
I’m 28, and as a kid, I had like maybe 2-3 ACTUAL birthday parties- the rest of the time my parents could say I could invite 3 (or 4 friends if they were generous) out for a dinner at my favourite restaurant, or 1 friend to a theme park. Those birthdays were 100% better than the ones where I had actual parties in my opinion
I think what is going on here is three things that is some people felt like as a kid they didnt get birthdays and they are living them now through there own kids, people see online influencers and feel like they have to keep up with trends or some like to show off there time and wealth. I am just hoping they are doing it for the love of there child.
Our parents and grandparents were guilty of this too.
When I was a kid we had a cake, ice cream and some streamers. I will never forget for my brother's 3rd birthday. Mom wrapped some toys he hadn't seen in a while and he was so excited! It blew me away!
Finally someone talking about this! I quit social media awhile ago but before I did I got so sick of seeing IG parents constantly entertaining their kids with crafts and the next big DIY project. Kids need to be able to explore and learn from their environment. My kids get to pick their own party city decorations, get a couple gifts from us, and we have the neighborhood kids over to sing happy birthday and eat cake and ice cream. It’s simple, cheap, and fun every time.
My favorite childhood dopamine was sitting on the front porch in thunderstorms just watching the lightning and being together.
I remember a woman telling her friend, who’s a mom, to let her daughter be bored instead of just handing her a tablet to keep her entertained. For it was good for her development to be bored instead. And I honestly have to agree, for I remember when I got bored as a kid I would search for whatever would entertain me. Like reading, drawing, or even writing my own stories. Those are all things I still do today whenever I’m bored.
True. As an only child, my mom and I always got "but aren't you/isn't she bored?!?" No, no I wasn't. I'm an avid reader and writer now. Thanks mom!
A not so secret of these lavish “mommy blogger birthdays”: these mom’s aren’t doing it themselves. They are hiring professional party planners and decorators to set things up for them.
My best friend is very wealthy and is a huge offender of throwing lavish parties. She’s definitely an “instagram mom”. We call each other each week and the number of times she complains about the party planner, the decorator, the caterer for these birthday parties is a lot. Mind you, her kids are 5 and 2.
I have a 2 year old as well, and our little girls are good friends. So she gets invited to her birthdays and just in general, lots of playdates. It is hard not to compare yourself to other women, especially related to our kids. But once you realize that these ladies are paying for this experience..at least to me, it kind of re-adjusts my expectations of what I can do. I do my best and my kid has fun!
To add to this: I’ve known this lady since we were 5. Her parents were wealthy so to her, the lavish party is just part of life. Growing up, it was fun to go play at her house and her birthday parties were like a-lister celeb events but for our school. I never compared my mom’s homemade birthday parties to the types of parties my friend had. In fact, I liked the homemade parties more because I got to be more involved with not just theme but also making decorations and food and coming up with activities. Kids don’t really compare themselves to other kids..at least not when they’re that young. So don’t feel pressured to be an instagram mom because you’re worried your kid may feel let down. They won’t!
I remember being envious of classmates having roller skating or bumper bowling parties. Most were just at people's houses but still...
I can count on one hand the number of parties I had and none of them were even remotely fancy. But at the end of the day, does it ACTUALLY matter? Not really.
Instead of an Ipad, mostly because they didn’t exist I guess, but my mom would let me bring a notebook and a pencil to places and thanks to that I love writing and drawing now! :) kept me occupied while I learned helpful skills
I feel bad for parents today, they can do nothing right and everything they do is wrong.
Only online. Absolutely everything is posted for the world to see, so of course it all gets judged either way.
Yes! Last year I went all out on my son's birthday and felt like I was so busy throwing the party I didn't get a chance to really savor the moment with him. This year we kept it super simple and had the most fun!
I plan on giving my kids the magical childhood of financial stability and emotionally well-regulated parents. Anything above that is on them.
This video was really reaffirming to me as a new mom of an almost 2 year old next month as I've been having ambivalent feelings toward planning my daughter's birthday party. I look on pinterest and see all of these over the top decorated birthday parties and feel like I want to give my daughter something like that and if I don't, I will feel like I'm not trying hard enough even though I'm working so much to barely afford the cost of living right now let alone afford to buy all the things to make the birthday party "magical". 😢 this conversation has really brought me back down to reality on it. Thank you.❤
Im realizing how beneficial being a public transit family has been for my kids, every fun activity takes 1-1.5 hours on transit, never let them have screens for this, we just would sit, chat, look out the window, chat with others on the bus. A trip to the zoo would mean a full 3 hours on transit, almost the same amount of time at the activity as sitting on the bus/waiting for the bus.
As a kid, only "rich" kids had parties st the roller rink or chuckie cheese. My bdays were at my house with all my friends, a DQ cake, and a sprinkler, and i loved it so much
Same 😊 My neighbors have an honest to God Slip-n-Slide on their front lawn in the sprinklers for their and the neighbor kids (right now), and I love them for it. I haven't seen one of those in years, good times.
I can't help but think of the cost to these elaborate parties and cards and gifts. Yes, it costs more money, but the time it's taking to plan and set these things up can't be insignificant. Wouldn't it be more meaningful to your child if that time was spent actually focused on them instead? If, instead of being stressed over not having the perfect aesthetic, you took that energy to talk with your kid about what they did today, answer their unending questions, and encouraged them to try new things? From where I'm standing, that's a much more direct way to benefit their childhood and personhood.
Thank you for addressing this, the birthday parties and amount of extracurricular activities are insane and they start so young.
I worked as a kids entertainer for a while, doing magic shows, balloon animals, that sort of thing. I’ve been hired to do some of the massive, insane parties, sone for kids as young as 1 who won’t even remember it. The parents and kids never really seemed to care as much when they also gave petting zoos and water slides. My favorite parties were the ones in someone backyard or a public park, where I was clearly the one big expense. I could tell they saved up to bring me in as a special treat that year, and the kids were always so happy. Magical moments are good, but they feel more special if you spread them out.
Thank you!!! I definitely fell into the pinterest trap when my oldest was born. I literally thought that I had to do ALL the Pinterest things to be a good mom. It was exhausting and I felt like a horrible mom who wasnt stimulating my child. I have since realized that most Pinterest posts come from blogs which means these parents are posting these activities as their jobs - not as realistic activities they would do with their kids otherwise.
Easiest way out of this problem - have more kids
I thought the “lost your first tooth” box was really cute. All the things in that box look like they were from 5 Below. It is a low-cost thoughtful gift for a little kid that might be in pain from losing a tooth.
Since becoming a mother myself, I don't look at seemingly hype-competent mothers posting online and wonder "How does she do it all?" I wonder "What is she giving up?"
I think that sadly its often the childs emotions that are getting neglected. As sad as that is to say. Esp child focused content is less concerned for the autonomy, privacy and emotions of a child
Probably time she should have spend with the kind instead of "for the kid"
The most extravagant any of my birthday parties ever got was the free mini golf course in the park next to a Home Depot. And you know what? My parents didn't spend a dime and it was still pretty magical.
Kids not only don't care about how much anything costs, they don't even notice. The only time my son ever mentioned anything missing from a birthday party was when the parents went all out and took 8 kids to Dunkin Donuts and then took them to see a movie with tons of snacks, it must have been super expensive but there was no cake. The next birthday party was at a picnic table in the park and there was cake and blowing out candles so everything was great.
I don’t know if maybe it’s not the norm since I’m probably a little younger than you are, but when I was in school, it was pretty normal to get like a piece of candy with your Valentine’s Day card usually cause like the Valentine’s Day card came with like candy, a sticker or a tattoo. Like you would get the boxes of them and they would have something already in them or they would tape like a little piece of candy on them. Or sometimes skip the car all together and give them like a bag of skittles, with their name written on it. The toys is weird like the only thing I could think of toys may be like the sticky lizards that some of the cards had or my family did finger flashlights cause my mom would get them cheap. But there’s still people who just a cards we like them just the same.
It's still the norm here. (SW Ontario, Canada)
Last Valentine's Day my daughter picked a box of Valentine's cards, and they came with little temp tattoos that she carefully stuck to each one with a tiny heart sticker. That's really normal here.
You know what my kids find magical? Big cardboard boxes, brush piles from trimming the trees and seeing friends. They really don’t need a lot. My kids played on a pile of brush for 4 days straight when we trimmed our tree outside. It was a spaceship and a boat! 😂
I had lots of birthdays with over the top decorations & those with just a cake & ice cream. Both types of parties have a special place in my heart.
This is such a good topic I haven't seen other commentary channels cover! Awesome! Thank you
Thank you so much!
Thank you for saying you can’t buy a child’s childhood. I’m a Nanny to three kids who have an afterschool activity every day, and they go to 12 different camps in the summertime.
I love these motherhood in progress videos so much! They are so well researched, articulate, and thoughtful. Thank you for all your hard work and for making me feel validated in my motherhood experience
The reality for kids who now don't have all these things that their classmates have (but in the eyes of older generations are perfectly normal) is just cruel, just imagine the amount of bullying they have to go through because how much standards have changed...
Idk my mom always did fun themed parties and whatnot and I turned out fine!
Me too! I grew up in the 80s and 90s, and I always got to pick out the cake tin that we rented from the store, and my mom would bake and decorate my birthday cake. It felt so special!
She had a birthday party formula: 3 games, 1 craft, meal and cake, presents. And I was allowed to invite 4-8 friends.
I do it very similarly with my children. (Except I don't know how to work those cake pans, lol, and only 6 or fewer guests)
My kids have had a very boring childhood so far and I do feel a lot of guilt about it. When I see other parents having huge parties and taking a lot of vacations and everything on Facebook and makes me feel guilty and sad for us. But my kids don't seem to mind it, and they don't complain about missing out on anything. In fact when I try to get them to do more things like sports they say no. No Sports no camps no anything. They just want to be home with free time.
I have thought about this ever since I saw something on the internet that went:
A Saturday for a child nowadays: breakfast with Mickey Mouse shaped pancakes and smoothies. Handcrafts with repurposed materials. Lunch with classmates and classmates' parents. Baking cupcakes. Themed movie evening.
A Saturday in my childhood: running errands with mom. Visiting aunt or grandma. More errands. TV.
Valentines at school has been treats ans cards since at least 2000. Ive been doing it since preschool. And my sister remembers doing it when she was in elementary school and she is 4 years older than me.
Birthday party yeah.... dont be crazy. Tooth fairy... keep it simple.
But valentines candy and goodies was always a fun thing to look forward too. My mom also enjoyed it. I remember one year we found these heart-shaped erasers that lit up when you bounced them. And they were THE BEST erasers I've ever used. I wish they still sold them ;__;
But the rest of my childhood was playing outside. Getting called in when it got dark. Playing with my toys in my room. Doing christmas crafts with my mom. Making ornaments for family. Drawing pictures and writing little story books.
It wasnt about social media. My parents did post the occasional facebook pic, but it wasnt aesthetic. It was about spending time with family. It was us going to nature sights. Taking care of the headstone at the cemetery for my great grandparents or my uncle.
Or holidays like christmas, rth of july, easter, ect. Or just goofy things id do as a kid.
If wasnt always beautiful. But it was childhood. Why cant we have that anymore? Something real.
I really appreciate this, as I’m expecting a baby myself. However, I am also chronically ill. So while I want my child to have a “magical” childhood, they will need to learn to be bored too, as I sadly can’t be as active as most parents. I want my child to learn that the magic is already there, you just need to find and appreciate it. Awesome video! ❤
wishing you the best for you and your kid :)