I love Dr Tony’s work! His understanding of ASD + his ability to convey and articulate the autistic experience, has been absolutely life changing for me. I would not have the level of self understanding and emotional regulation, if not for his words of wisdom. Not bad for a neurotypical 😊
Thank YOU for asking the question that’s been in my head (and everyone’s heads that have to put up with me I’m sure!😂) for a loooonnnngggg time!! Great minds think alike🤔 lol
Thank you Craig & Dr Tony (I hope your recovery from Covid is both full and rapid). I was diagnosed with Asperger's 4 months ago, just before my 50th birthday. Although this has started to help me to understand why I am the way I am, it also presents its own challenges as I am having to confront many things and aspects of my behaviour I have kept buried or have ignored for many decades. These Q&A videos are a huge help in understanding that I am not unique, there are other people with the same challenges I have and (best of all) there are things I can do to work with my condition to make my life more bearable. So much practical advice presented in a way which is instantly understandable - brilliant!
I'm reaching the end of DBT and it's really helped me, I recommend it to everyone. I was self harming severely to the point where I'd need to be admitted to the burn unit and needed skin grafts but I haven't needed to go to hospital since last year because of the DBT. Many areas of my life have changed for the better including the ability to understand my own emotions and that of others. I still have a few things that I struggle with but I've improved massively in all areas . If anyone here ever has the opportunity to get DBT therapy then do it, it's not easy but it's 100% worth it. 🙂
Thank you so much, Craig Evans and Dr Tony! Every episode is a shining star in my autistic sky ✨. I could recommend DBT. As an Aspie (and Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist too!) I think it's a great method to learn about emotions, selfregulation, selfvalidation (-acceptance, -love) and social interaction. I would add the high structured, predictable setting, which is great for autistic people, too!
I've tried CBT but, because of my autistic traits, find it extremely difficult & DBT is not available to me on the NHS, even though I've repeatedly pleaded with them. I also have Bipolar type 2 and ADHD. I just know that it will help. Do you know if there are any online DBT courses I can utilise?
Thanks for this episode! Dr. Tony's voice is very calming and the session is informative!! Here is my thought on fear of making a mistake: Regarding Edison's mistakes committed during his invention of electric bulb, I feel that Edison's mistakes were made in the course of his experiments. It was likely that him and almost other scientists who worked understood the potential of mistakes in a scientific context. Having diagnosed with ASD and involved in scientific research, I can say that I've very little fear/anxiety to commit mistakes in a scientific context, but so much fear and anxiety to commit a mistake in social situations. Also, I find it easy to work/involve in my special interest when there aren't many people around me, making a lot of movement and noise.
And thank you Dr. Tony and “Ask Dr. Tony” & autism hangout for being a guiding light in the darkest part of my journey to understanding myself after almost 40 years….the last year or two have allowed me to forgive myself and move forward so much more because of all of the amazing knowledge I’ve gained from watching literally everything you’ve put online….lol, asd didn’t take long to become a major special interest of mine!!!😋 So grateful for you gentlemen and all of your help!🤍
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm 35f and my husband is 39 and in the past week i came to realize that we both have ASD. This info is the best available and has given me ways to help our two children who also have ASD, IMO. Been married since 2013 and finally have ways to improve and cope. It's been an enormous uphill battle to make it to here, how could no one have seen this? But also, it makes total sense that we have been masking. How do I become an Aspies Mentor? Do i need an official diagnosis before i can offer my coping mechanisms? I've learned how to connect my mind and body through trying to sort myself out... it's the most amazing experience to reconnect. I am learning to maintain the connection and that's been very informative. I have a whole lot to offer in what I have managed to achieve thinking I had NPD and BPD and ADD and OCD and self love deficiency... now i feel seen. Thank you!
Hello Tony it is so nice to actually see and hear you again. Hope we meet again soon in Cyprus , London or France. Your positivity makes a difference. Your work made a difference to me. The intelligence and memory is camouflaging the social part a it is indeed so so common, thank you for mentioning it. IS
15:54 "the person may have the characteristics (autistic traits) but not the impairment" quote unquote (DSM 5 Criterion D on clinical significant impairment by social and/or occupational...) ..." one can genuinely crack the social code" Then this no longer camouflage.. less risk of burn out. but some stressing challenging circumstances in life can let the clinical autistic features come to the surface.. (Summarizing Dr Tony's words)
I wonder, is there a store you can buy one of those "mentors"? I agree they sound ever so useful, but i never managed to come across one, and i fear I'm too old now - and too burnt out - to even look for one. 😞
Hey Dr Toby, can you address the phenomenon where I instinctively make people feel bad who interact with me especially romantic partners so much so that I them off. Not sure if it’s all autism or a personality problem too.
To the single 40yo man (special ed teacher) that just submitted an ADT question about Intimacy/Dating/Sex and Marriage, could you please return to www.autismhangout.com (www.askdoctortony.com) and send me your email address? Craig
I'm very irritated by the fact that the social stories book talks about Thomas Edison as if he invented the lightbulb. Thomas Edison didn't invent it, and he was a conman. I wish autism books were more accurate with their examples.
I have a question about specific abilities: I have psychic abilities and am wondering if that is in any way linked to my own Autism? I've yet to be identified/diagnosed officially but when you know, you know. The signs for me are there and as far as I am concerned I AM AUTISTIC. what I was thinking is could my psychic abilities have anything to do with my autism whatsoever? I've heard the term 'indigo children' but wasn't sure if my abilities would be included in that phrase. I feel really awkward and ashamed for bringing it up but I have to find out.
Your abilities are probably covered under "nontraditional ways of knowing what others are feeling" which Dr T A referenced in a different video, within the last year.
Hello Dr Tony please could you advise on the link between lead and Asperger’s? My six year old daughter is undergoing diagnosis and my husband and I are filled with guilt that it was our lead water pipes. We didn’t know we had them until she was three and then put a filter in, but I’m worried it’s too late. And is there any fix after lead exposure? Thanks for considering
Don’t feel guilty, Autism is a genetic thing, your daughter was born with it, she has a brain that works differently, it’s nothing to feel guilty about. Leads pips did not make her Autistic, it is not your fault. There are loads of things that people will tell you cause Autism they don’t, your daughter is who she is, her brain is just wired different, lead pips didn’t make her Autistic. Nether dose anything else.
As an Autistic person myself, I absolutely detest it when people think it's a physical cause, IT'S NOT FYI, it's something you are born with and is passed on. And autism is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it's part of their identity and not something you can change. It needs to be embraced, not to be fought against! Autism is part of who they are, part of their identity. This is something that needs to be readdressed and a worldwide Paradyme shift of epic proportions needs to happen to make things better for me and my fellow Autistic people! This is ridiculously important and will save Autistic lives!
Thanks Dr Tony.... I'm the fellow at the end (not a mum, but a dad)... In fact she has a rather shaky relationship with her mother, which makes sense if one can't stand one's own female characteristics... I just hope we can explore this together without her having to medicalize, which is, as far as I can tell, just a weak response. Wenn's story is different, she had kids and then decided..... Fine, but my daughter has her life ahead of her, and the rapidly growing number of disappointed, ruined de-transitioners suggests that our medical world has found a cheap and fast solution to a complex problem that involves sociology, psychology, and alas politics. I took note of the books on the subject.
My daughter got out the trans ideology at 16 yo. Tony is very political in this area. High percentage of autistic girls are adopting trans or any other LGBT ideas. You have to invest time and research seriously about the topic. The following are some videos and books that you and your daughter can watch and discuss critically: If you hated puberty, this is for you (Recommended by my daughter) czcams.com/video/NUsiKRClxks/video.html Gender and autism czcams.com/video/FoEWbVviOpk/video.html Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters by Abigail Shrier What Is A Woman? The Daily Wire documentary www.dailywire.com/videos/what-is-a-woman
I think you'll need to spend a lot of time with a therapist and usually children aren't allowed to transition without their parents approval. Children can change their mind, so it is best to just be open minded and allow the child to explore. My own neice went through a similar period and it turned out to be a phase for her, but for her friend it was not a phase and they had no option but to transition in order to have a fulfilling life.
I am hoping to find more insight into this new phenomenon taking over our young girls. The correlation between the high # of ASD young girls with gender dysphoria as of late does not seem natural. How is your daughter doing? I know the turmoil & heart ache you are/have experienced.
Hello! I now found that autistic people are proned to anxiety. I don't know how to ask questions in here but I will try in here. I personally think that I am for sure on the spectrum. Been anxious and "in my own world" since a child. Started to talk at about 4 years I think.. been "kicked out" out of a child group of 3 girls because I am weird and don't talk often and I look at them too attentive. Yes, I still remember that. They told me that they stayed near me because I had sweets. 😂🥹 Anyway... I watched some years ago (2020)Dr.Tony's videos about autism in girls. This interactive place that you create is so beautiful and helpful. Can't wait to explore and understand stand more. My therapist and psychiatrist told me in a depressive episode in 2020/2021 that I don't have any kind of issues. I asked specifically and they said that no. Honestly, I have always felt different, and in most cases, not in a good way. I was mirroring, because being in my own world, kinda detached from "the group" is and was a weird thing and it also makes you in a target. Had a really bad meltdown/collapse a few days ago. I am still a bit sad if I remember those 4hours of that night and other stuff BUT I am ok, considering... Went to work, socialised (even though I might have come across as a bit sad), felt even good, listened to music and read things that interest me. I realized that I am a people pleaser and sometimes feel like I am living for others, and my real self is somewhere locked in a cell, crying and dreaming for freedom and real acception and integration in this life. I am a believer, God exists in my reality and I can not question anything about the intelligence of matter. BUT there are times when I contemplate suicide. And sometimes this thought passes in my mind like it is nothing special. And the thing is that I mean it, most of the time, but I consider other social things and personal things and beliefs and manage to make me not do something. Anyway... I sometimes wonder how a person with intense emotion can deal with them? Is it normal to feel things like this? Many thanks 🧡
I am in my early 60s. I only found out about my Asperger's in my late 50s. I too always felt I was separate from others, no matter how hard I tried to fit in. I have had a few times of thinking my best option was committing suicide. I think this is fairly common in the Aspie/Autistic community. It comes from the fact that the majority of people don't understand us much, may not care to learn, and generally expect us to always act like them. Which is exhausting to pull off for short spurts of time, then we NEED to be ourselves. It is still easiest to accomplish this when alone, unless you have found someone who can put up with the real you and still be friends. They, sadly, are rare unless they have some degree of being on the spectrum themselves, and that can bring it's own challenges!
I love Dr Tony’s work! His understanding of ASD + his ability to convey and articulate the autistic experience, has been absolutely life changing for me. I would not have the level of self understanding and emotional regulation, if not for his words of wisdom. Not bad for a neurotypical 😊
Tony really cares. Thank you for your comments.
Thank you for answering my question about special interest cycling. Your answer helped me immensely!
Thank YOU for asking the question that’s been in my head (and everyone’s heads that have to put up with me I’m sure!😂) for a loooonnnngggg time!! Great minds think alike🤔 lol
Thank you Craig & Dr Tony (I hope your recovery from Covid is both full and rapid). I was diagnosed with Asperger's 4 months ago, just before my 50th birthday. Although this has started to help me to understand why I am the way I am, it also presents its own challenges as I am having to confront many things and aspects of my behaviour I have kept buried or have ignored for many decades. These Q&A videos are a huge help in understanding that I am not unique, there are other people with the same challenges I have and (best of all) there are things I can do to work with my condition to make my life more bearable. So much practical advice presented in a way which is instantly understandable - brilliant!
I really LOVE the way you answer these questions and give information on where to find real research on these topics.
This is an invaluable resource!! Live this content...always helpful nuggets!
I'm reaching the end of DBT and it's really helped me, I recommend it to everyone. I was self harming severely to the point where I'd need to be admitted to the burn unit and needed skin grafts but I haven't needed to go to hospital since last year because of the DBT. Many areas of my life have changed for the better including the ability to understand my own emotions and that of others. I still have a few things that I struggle with but I've improved massively in all areas . If anyone here ever has the opportunity to get DBT therapy then do it, it's not easy but it's 100% worth it. 🙂
Thank you so much, Craig Evans and Dr Tony! Every episode is a shining star in my autistic sky ✨.
I could recommend DBT. As an Aspie (and Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist too!) I think it's a great method to learn about emotions, selfregulation, selfvalidation (-acceptance, -love) and social interaction. I would add the high structured, predictable setting, which is great for autistic people, too!
I've just posted about how much DBT has helped me too, I actually feel like my life is worth living now. Everyone should do it! 😁
I've tried CBT but, because of my autistic traits, find it extremely difficult & DBT is not available to me on the NHS, even though I've repeatedly pleaded with them. I also have Bipolar type 2 and ADHD. I just know that it will help. Do you know if there are any online DBT courses I can utilise?
Thanks for this episode! Dr. Tony's voice is very calming and the session is informative!! Here is my thought on fear of making a mistake: Regarding Edison's mistakes committed during his invention of electric bulb, I feel that Edison's mistakes were made in the course of his experiments. It was likely that him and almost other scientists who worked understood the potential of mistakes in a scientific context. Having diagnosed with ASD and involved in scientific research, I can say that I've very little fear/anxiety to commit mistakes in a scientific context, but so much fear and anxiety to commit a mistake in social situations.
Also, I find it easy to work/involve in my special interest when there aren't many people around me, making a lot of movement and noise.
And thank you Dr. Tony and “Ask Dr. Tony” & autism hangout for being a guiding light in the darkest part of my journey to understanding myself after almost 40 years….the last year or two have allowed me to forgive myself and move forward so much more because of all of the amazing knowledge I’ve gained from watching literally everything you’ve put online….lol, asd didn’t take long to become a major special interest of mine!!!😋 So grateful for you gentlemen and all of your help!🤍
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm 35f and my husband is 39 and in the past week i came to realize that we both have ASD. This info is the best available and has given me ways to help our two children who also have ASD, IMO. Been married since 2013 and finally have ways to improve and cope. It's been an enormous uphill battle to make it to here, how could no one have seen this? But also, it makes total sense that we have been masking. How do I become an Aspies Mentor? Do i need an official diagnosis before i can offer my coping mechanisms? I've learned how to connect my mind and body through trying to sort myself out... it's the most amazing experience to reconnect. I am learning to maintain the connection and that's been very informative. I have a whole lot to offer in what I have managed to achieve thinking I had NPD and BPD and ADD and OCD and self love deficiency... now i feel seen. Thank you!
Thank you so much for the information! It’s helping me feel understood!
Hello Tony it is so nice to actually see and hear you again. Hope we meet again soon in Cyprus , London or France. Your positivity makes a difference. Your work made a difference to me. The intelligence and memory is camouflaging the social part a it is indeed so so common, thank you for mentioning it. IS
Thank you so much for another wonderful Q & A. Looking forward to reading a few new books.
This was an amazing episode! It has been the most useful one for me to date! 🐱✌️🙏💯🌱❤️
such kindnesses
So valuable. Thank you tony
15:54 "the person may have the characteristics (autistic traits) but not the impairment" quote unquote
(DSM 5 Criterion D on clinical significant impairment by social and/or occupational...)
..." one can genuinely crack the social code"
Then this no longer camouflage.. less risk of burn out.
but some stressing challenging circumstances in life can let the clinical autistic features come to the surface..
(Summarizing Dr Tony's words)
What do I do about sudden negative changes? I’ve had several happen recently but don’t know how to respond in a positive way?
I wonder, is there a store you can buy one of those "mentors"? I agree they sound ever so useful, but i never managed to come across one, and i fear I'm too old now - and too burnt out - to even look for one. 😞
Hey Dr Toby, can you address the phenomenon where I instinctively make people feel bad who interact with me especially romantic partners so much so that I them off. Not sure if it’s all autism or a personality problem too.
To the single 40yo man (special ed teacher) that just submitted an ADT question about Intimacy/Dating/Sex and Marriage, could you please return to www.autismhangout.com (www.askdoctortony.com) and send me your email address? Craig
I'm very irritated by the fact that the social stories book talks about Thomas Edison as if he invented the lightbulb. Thomas Edison didn't invent it, and he was a conman. I wish autism books were more accurate with their examples.
I have a question about specific abilities: I have psychic abilities and am wondering if that is in any way linked to my own Autism? I've yet to be identified/diagnosed officially but when you know, you know. The signs for me are there and as far as I am concerned I AM AUTISTIC. what I was thinking is could my psychic abilities have anything to do with my autism whatsoever? I've heard the term 'indigo children' but wasn't sure if my abilities would be included in that phrase. I feel really awkward and ashamed for bringing it up but I have to find out.
Your abilities are probably covered under "nontraditional ways of knowing what others are feeling" which Dr T A referenced in a different video, within the last year.
Hello Dr Tony please could you advise on the link between lead and Asperger’s? My six year old daughter is undergoing diagnosis and my husband and I are filled with guilt that it was our lead water pipes. We didn’t know we had them until she was three and then put a filter in, but I’m worried it’s too late. And is there any fix after lead exposure? Thanks for considering
Don’t feel guilty, Autism is a genetic thing, your daughter was born with it, she has a brain that works differently, it’s nothing to feel guilty about. Leads pips did not make her Autistic, it is not your fault. There are loads of things that people will tell you cause Autism they don’t, your daughter is who she is, her brain is just wired different, lead pips didn’t make her Autistic. Nether dose anything else.
Be a good mother, that 's all. Asperger' s is genetic. And it's not an illness.
As an Autistic person myself, I absolutely detest it when people think it's a physical cause, IT'S NOT FYI, it's something you are born with and is passed on. And autism is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, it's part of their identity and not something you can change. It needs to be embraced, not to be fought against! Autism is part of who they are, part of their identity. This is something that needs to be readdressed and a worldwide Paradyme shift of epic proportions needs to happen to make things better for me and my fellow Autistic people! This is ridiculously important and will save Autistic lives!
Thanks Dr Tony.... I'm the fellow at the end (not a mum, but a dad)... In fact she has a rather shaky relationship with her mother, which makes sense if one can't stand one's own female characteristics... I just hope we can explore this together without her having to medicalize, which is, as far as I can tell, just a weak response. Wenn's story is different, she had kids and then decided..... Fine, but my daughter has her life ahead of her, and the rapidly growing number of disappointed, ruined de-transitioners suggests that our medical world has found a cheap and fast solution to a complex problem that involves sociology, psychology, and alas politics.
I took note of the books on the subject.
My daughter got out the trans ideology at 16 yo. Tony is very political in this area. High percentage of autistic girls are adopting trans or any other LGBT ideas. You have to invest time and research seriously about the topic. The following are some videos and books that you and your daughter can watch and discuss critically:
If you hated puberty, this is for you (Recommended by my daughter)
czcams.com/video/NUsiKRClxks/video.html
Gender and autism
czcams.com/video/FoEWbVviOpk/video.html
Irreversible Damage: The Transgender Craze Seducing Our Daughters by Abigail Shrier
What Is A Woman? The Daily Wire documentary
www.dailywire.com/videos/what-is-a-woman
I think you'll need to spend a lot of time with a therapist and usually children aren't allowed to transition without their parents approval. Children can change their mind, so it is best to just be open minded and allow the child to explore. My own neice went through a similar period and it turned out to be a phase for her, but for her friend it was not a phase and they had no option but to transition in order to have a fulfilling life.
I am hoping to find more insight into this new phenomenon taking over our young girls. The correlation between the high # of ASD young girls with gender dysphoria as of late does not seem natural. How is your daughter doing? I know the turmoil & heart ache you are/have experienced.
Hello! I now found that autistic people are proned to anxiety. I don't know how to ask questions in here but I will try in here.
I personally think that I am for sure on the spectrum. Been anxious and "in my own world" since a child. Started to talk at about 4 years I think.. been "kicked out" out of a child group of 3 girls because I am weird and don't talk often and I look at them too attentive. Yes, I still remember that. They told me that they stayed near me because I had sweets. 😂🥹 Anyway... I watched some years ago (2020)Dr.Tony's videos about autism in girls. This interactive place that you create is so beautiful and helpful. Can't wait to explore and understand stand more. My therapist and psychiatrist told me in a depressive episode in 2020/2021 that I don't have any kind of issues. I asked specifically and they said that no. Honestly, I have always felt different, and in most cases, not in a good way. I was mirroring, because being in my own world, kinda detached from "the group" is and was a weird thing and it also makes you in a target. Had a really bad meltdown/collapse a few days ago. I am still a bit sad if I remember those 4hours of that night and other stuff BUT I am ok, considering... Went to work, socialised (even though I might have come across as a bit sad), felt even good, listened to music and read things that interest me.
I realized that I am a people pleaser and sometimes feel like I am living for others, and my real self is somewhere locked in a cell, crying and dreaming for freedom and real acception and integration in this life.
I am a believer, God exists in my reality and I can not question anything about the intelligence of matter. BUT there are times when I contemplate suicide. And sometimes this thought passes in my mind like it is nothing special. And the thing is that I mean it, most of the time, but I consider other social things and personal things and beliefs and manage to make me not do something.
Anyway... I sometimes wonder how a person with intense emotion can deal with them? Is it normal to feel things like this?
Many thanks 🧡
I am in my early 60s. I only found out about my Asperger's in my late 50s. I too always felt I was separate from others, no matter how hard I tried to fit in. I have had a few times of thinking my best option was committing suicide. I think this is fairly common in the Aspie/Autistic community. It comes from the fact that the majority of people don't understand us much, may not care to learn, and generally expect us to always act like them. Which is exhausting to pull off for short spurts of time, then we NEED to be ourselves. It is still easiest to accomplish this when alone, unless you have found someone who can put up with the real you and still be friends. They, sadly, are rare unless they have some degree of being on the spectrum themselves, and that can bring it's own challenges!
@@joycebrewer4150 Thanks, very true though indeed! Really resonate