Final vid (i promise!)
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
- Firstly, I’m currently in the USA (in the gloriously sunny ‘Sunshine State’!) and the walls are paper thin where I’m staying so apologies for the door banging and other such noises!
Secondly, i'm finally taking a proper, total step back from all my 'public' work in mental health now. I've been doing it over a decade and it's taken a toll. I need to prioritise my wellbeing going forwards, as well as focus on other areas of my life.
Lastly, in this video, i forgot to mention from my scribbled notes that I am well aware I’m ‘self-obsessed’ as a few people have commented in the last year. In the words of John Lennon, “Part of me suspects that I'm a loser, and the other part of me thinks I'm God Almighty.” This is something I desperately want to work on. I need to let so much s**t go. Both in terms of what everyone thinks of me, but mostly my own self obsession, judgements, doubts etc. And to stop overthinking everything always argh!
Oh and the final thing I want to leave you with are the lyrics from one of my favourite Dusty Springfield songs, Goin’ Back:
'Let everyone debate the true reality,
I’d rather see the world the way it used to be.
A little bit of freedoms all we lack,
So catch me if you can…I’m goin back.'
It sums up the way I feel perfectly right now. It's such a f***ing divided, intolerant, harsh society to be part of at present. I seem to fit into this modern world less and less as time goes by. But I pray that we all find freedom, as well as peace and love, unconditionally :)). Jonny x x
PS There’s things I haven’t said here because I’m too much of a coward, not strong enough currently, and frankly too paranoid atm...but there’s another major reason for totally stepping back. Over the last few months, I’ve been ostracised, gaslit, and even bullied for standing up for ALL of humanity, especially children. I know it’s been a shock to people around me because I’ve always seemed quite passive to them, but I cannot comprehend seeing so many innocent kids suffering in Gaza, and so I’ve been especially vocal about it on Instagram. Why would I have given the last 5 years, completely unpaid, to setting up a youth mental health charity in the UK if I didn’t care about ALL children’s wellbeing??? Worst of all, I was defamed/witch-hunted on Twitter/X by a user who lied i was "violent" at a vigil in a series of tweets. It's something I’m still processing and will act against to clear my name in time. I am hopeful that the police/council will let me have access to their CCTV to prove my innocence. But it’s too much of a dark and difficult world out there right now for me to navigate. This period has literally been pushed to breaking point and I truly don’t know who to trust. It's so sad to see how normalised bullying has become thanks to technology-and specifically social media. You can say what the f**k you want without any repercussions for the damage done when you’re hidden behind a screen can’t you. If society cared about mental health as it consistently says it does, they would make a difference, starting with some education/tools/training etc for our kids, but it’s simply profits before people. So, I plead again for a real revolution of humanity. For the sake of the next generation's futures if nothing else. Anyway, i really am signing off now, My priority must be me and my wellbeing for the foreseeable future xxx
PPS All the activists and campaigners who never ever give up…you are my heroes ❤️❤️❤️
PPPS it’s now summer and I have been working with the police re the libel (special shout out to PC Sophie Hughes for all her support) but ultimately there’s nothing they can do and I can’t afford legal action. So, injustice wins. I'm gutted. I’ve come to the conclusion that I might be slightly mad, but it’s this world which is truly, utterly insane. The things I’ve seen over these past 9 months, and the way I’ve been treated just for speaking up for ALL innocent human beings, especially children, over on Instagram, is incomprehensible to me. I have lost all faith in humanity now.
Hello! Firstly, Happy Valentine’s Day! In the word of Bryant McGill, “Be the love you seek. Be the friend you seek. Be the lover you seek. Be the honesty you seek. Be the integrity you seek.”
Secondly, I’m so deeply touched and thankful for your comments. Right now, I’m looking at the news in absolute horror. I’ve no doubt many of you are doing the same. It’s beyond comprehension. But your messages restore some of my faith in humanity. So huge thank you again.
Lastly, I wanted to share some resources that have been helping me. Perhaps you could share yours underneath? I think it’s useful to see what helps to support us all..
Compassion Focussed Therapy (a good place to begin is Kristin Neff’s book on Self Compassion)
Dr. Gabor Maté (anything by him! He's my hero!!)
Insight Timer app (it’s free but you can pay for a fuller version)
Made of Millions Foundation (awesome org based in the US)
Jon Kabat-Zinn’s books (I started with the audiobook ‘Mindfulness for Beginners’ and it changed my life)
Pema Chödrön's books (all of them!)
Vex King’s books (Recently read ‘Good Vibes, Good Life’ and now beginning ‘The Greatest Self-Help Book Is The One Written By You’)
PS I have loads more that come to me! I’m just back in Netherlands now and will update when I get a chance!!
Some great resources Jonny. For me two simple things have transformed my mind muscle to support others in my day job. The first is to know exactly where my mind is by drawing a 1-10 scale - 1 being really low and 10 euphoric then put a x where I am. Enables me to question why and do something about it before becoming overwhelmed. The second is spending 2 minutes a day learning something new. Currently this is playing the piano! 2 minutes stops me getting bored when it sounds awful and hopefully the compound practice will eventually work!
Humans need to accept whilst the brain is the power house of the body, the mind is the powerhouse of the brain and needs just as much nurturing. 😊
Learning to pace myself, have quiet time and only do half of what I think I can do to avoid burn out. I am not very obedient though so learning that too 😐 xxx
@@janejamesofjjcltd2649 wow thank you for this..i'm going to try these tips..i really really appreciate them :))))
I first found your channel ten years ago and u saved my life so many thanks and I owe u a lot
Wow i hope you are doing ok at the moment my friend :)
Hey, you may have already switched off notifications by now but wanted to say thank you for your work and honesty. Your activism and public speaking has been an inspiration and help. I wish you all the best in your creative endeavours and finding social comfort. 💖
Ah thank you! This really means a lot to me. Wishing you all the very best too :))
Happy birthday! You're doing well to prioritize your mental health! I hope you are always well and happy! ☺
I remember you from way back 10+ years when I first started using CZcams and you along with channels like Depfox really helped pave the way for me to come to terms with my own struggles. So thank you and I wish you the best!
Ah thank you! I hope you’re doing ok yourself. I’m excited to finally be on the road to properly taking care of myself…it’s been a long time coming but I’m finally here :))
Why tell them what they want to hear? You'd be better off pretending than to play into the hands of trolls. Ever thought about creating personal video diaries you don't publish? It's much better than spilling it all on CZcams. I was a mental health CZcamsr for 7 years and I'm glad to be gone. Life offline is peaceful. Take care, Jonny
Yes I’ve thought of that! I want to try being completely offline for a bit! Let’s see how it goes! Hope you’re doing ok yourself :))
Great to see u on here again. You look so well
Ah that’s so kind! Thank you
I will miss your videos greatly. Your body image video some years back was absolutely spot on perfection. All my best to you!! Much love and nothing but positive vibes to you.
Ah thank you! That’s one of the videos I’m most proud of lol! Wishing you all the very best today and always :))
Firstly, happy birthday. I am so thankful you are still here. (I also can't believe you're 37! I always thought you were younger, and you look great!)
Jonny, when I became unwell at 18 with my mental health I stumbled across your 'failed by the NHS' documentary and to say it changed my life is an understatement. It lit a fire in me and has ultimately led to an entire career in mental health.
You showed vulnerability I had never seen before. You showed courage I'd never seen before. You showed integrity I'd never seen before.
You have been my hero since that day time. I followed your 'Find Mike' journey in real time and have shown that video hundreds of times in my role as a mental health trainer and chocked up every time.
You have given over a decade of your life to others. It's wonderful you're now taking time for you.
Don't underestimate the power that the traumatising online abuse and bullying you've experienced - I always think the word trolling downplays what it REALLY is.
Meeting you and getting to work with you and your charity even in such a small capacity was one of my proudest achievements and greatest honours.
Wherever life takes you next, I hope you find the peace you so deserve.
Take care of yourself Jonny. You deserve nothing but good. I hope our paths cross again one day ❤ sending you all my love.
Lorna P
Xx
Ah Lorna, I’ve screenshot your message and will read it whenever I feel doubt, fear, sadness etc kick in! These words mean the world to me. I’m so proud of you. I’ve no doubt you’ve touched and enriched countless lives through your work. Thank you for all you’ve done and continue to do. I’m so grateful for your understanding and support in my decision to step away right now. It helps me more than you could ever possibly know :) xx
The most honest, powerful video I've ever seen. Jonny, your insight was part of my training in mental health both delivering training and as a volunteer with Shout. Your heart has always been huge for others despite the pain you were likely carrying. You are a legend to me and many. What amazing insight you have to recognise you must step back. Know there are many more voices that are positive for your teachings. They drown out the negative ones. Although minds will always highlight the negative. May you find the peace you absolutely deserve.
Gosh thank you! Your beautiful words have left me quite speechless!! I’m extremely touched by your wisdom and compassion. May you also find the peace you deserve too :). And thank you for the life-changing (and indeed lifesaving) work you do with Shout. All the volunteers there (and everywhere!) have a very special place in my heart x
Johnny Ive watched a few of your videos and you have helped me so much . I to have schizoaffective disorder and I can relate to your social anxiety I withdraw badly and I hadn’t left the house in 4 years. I hope you get start to feel better I wish you all the best .
I'm sorry to read this. It's so tough. You're not on your own. Even though it may feel like it at times. Sending a big hug
I really hope it's not your last video, but you need to do what's right for you!! It's time to look after you now!!! ❤❤xxx
Thank you for sharing and for your honesty. Thank you for the story of your life, it helps many that struggle with the same things you have.
Thank you so much for this Shannon :)))
Hey Jonny. I just wanted to say that there was once a teenager that watched your 'Journey with schizoaffective disorder' video way back around 2013, and the experiences and sentiments you shared in that video did a lot to make that teenager feel seen and not so alone. That same teenager is commenting on this video today, as an adult, over a decade later. I've watched your videos a lot over the years, and I think-as I'm sure many tell you-you're a genuine orator with an inspiring story.
I once read a book, 'The Legacy of Luna,' it's a biographical piece from a wonderful lady, Julia Butterfly Hill (a bit of a hippie herself, actually, if the name didn't make it obvious enough!), detailing how she engaged in a treesit, protesting the Pacific Lumber Company in the redwood forests of California back in the 90s. It's a short text with a great message, but ultimately, Julia's treesitting days began and ended within that decade. Julia herself has since become quite vocal that, even though the moral compass and drive to make a change in the world still exist within her, the Julia that sat in that tree all those years ago is a meaningfully different individual than the Julia that is speaking in the current day, and that it is no harm nor foul for somebody to move on, as it were.
What I mean to say is that you can, and have done a lot of good for the world with your videos and mental health campaigning, but there exists no obligation for you to sustain that perception of self unto the horizon and beyond; you have nothing to apologize for when it comes to taking a rest, or stepping back altogether. You deserve your peace, and you deserve to feel better in and of yourself.
Also, as a parting note. Definitely go for the tattoo; as the son of a tattoo artist, let me tell you, there's nothing that will make you feel more like the person that's in control of your own life than making that decision for the you that you want to be. I'm sure your family will come around after the initial shock!
Thanks for everything.
Wow. Thank you for your beautiful message. I’m going to read The Legacy of Luna and watch the film too (apparently there was a documentary filmed in 2000!) I’m deeply moved by your words of solidarity and support my friend! And you’ve convinced me to get that tattoo lol! I really hope you’re doing ok today. You seem like a very kind and giving soul. I hope you give as much care and compassion back to yourself as you do others. Always :))
Happy birthday 🎈🎂🎊🎁🎉 you deserve to happy
I found one of your videos saying you were coming off the medication just now. I noticed it was 8 years ago. Then I looked into your channel and wanted to know how you are doing now. Then I watched this latest video. I roughly knew your story. You may not see this comment. I still want to tell you: your mental health is always the most important thing to you. Take good care of yourself!
Thank you for this :)
Yes, let me reiterate that I will miss your videos very much. You have provided a great service to lots of people. I hope you find peace and update us now and then about how you are doing. We care how you are and happy birthday.
Thank you. It means more than you know to receive such kindness and compassion :)))
Thank you for your channel and vulnerability. You seems such a warm person.greetings from Russia!
Also,you heard of livingwell with schizophrenia channel? It claims that keto diet significantly improved symptoms.
Yes i love it!!!
Hi Jonny,
I'm so thankful for you being you!
I'm sorry to see you struggling. I really like how honest you are and how you didn't try to put on a persona for videos (I also really enjoy your voice and the way you talk!)
I really wish for you to see how precious you are, to explore what you want to do (being creative and trying new things) and thanks for all the hard work you did!
About the blushing: I didn't watch the video. Still I feel like it is okay to have a body that has reactions, it is also beautiful to have that body. I also struggle with shame, and it is scary not being in control what emotions you communicate or show (like when something shows on the face). There is nothing wrong with feeling things and them showing (is what I tell myself). We are allowed to be seen.
I wish you a great time off youtube, sending imaginery flowers and hoping that you will soon get to see a birds nest (as they are pretty cute things to encounter and you seem to be very deserving of cute little things! cc:)
Greetings Nicole
Thank you so much Nicole! I seriously needed to read this today. Never underestimate the difference you make in the world with your kindness and compassion. It truly means more ti me than you know :)
Hi Jonny it’s so great to see you again
Thank you for enriching our lives!!! Peace be with you!! ❤❤❤❤
Ah and same to you! Peace and love only :))) xx
I wish you well Jonny. It sounds the right thing to do. You've been so important to me for about a decade. Know how much good you have brought to suffering people, to me you're totally lovely just as you are. x
Oh wow, this has touched me more than you realise. Huge thanks to you x
@@mrjonnybenjamin when my LO became unwell there were far fewer role models to give us any sense of hope. You looked and sounded like him and that made me less scared. And I was terrified. It's funny, over the years I wished he would be an ambassador like you. But he never wanted that. If anything he has never allowed the condition to be any part of defining his identity. Although that's caused some problems! it has also in some ways been what's allowed him to live as well as he has. Still struggles but no hospitalisations for 7 years now. (Though I know it could still happen).
I recommend you try stepping back. There are many more sides to you than your illness as I'm sure you'll agree. Time to try something new!
But again, I can't thank you enough. And I'm sure there's many more like me who've been following you, traumatized by their experience but helped to feel less alone through witnessing your bravery and honesty.
Yeah it makes complete sense!! Xxxxx
so sorry to see you 'leave' Jonny. So much of your content has resonated with me over the years and the bigger picture is how much you have helped so many other people. But the bottom line is you started doing alll this to raise awareness after your own personal plight and you absolutely need to get your own personal health and peace right at the top of the agenda and keep it there. I actually hope this isn't your last video but that you are back making totally different content and able to give us all much better news about your own state not too far into the future. If you see this, which you may well not, I send you heartfelt thanks and much love. Take care and thankyou for all you have done.
What a wonderful message to read. Thank you Dave. I’m so appreciative of your understanding, and your kindness too. I will be out there making different content. Just in a much more creative way. I’ve held that side of me back for so long but it’s time to finally set this bird free :)
You are loved.
As are you :) always and forever xx
You've always been an inspiration to me, please 🙏 don't listen to the trolls, they'll always be haters saying horrible things, unfortunately that's the reality of the modern world with social media. Please know that your loved and appreciated. I have schizophrenia and ocd and You've been a shining role model for so many. Happy Birthday 🥳 🎂 too, it was my 42nd birthday aswell on the 29th of January. Have some time out if that's what you need, put your mental health first, I just want you to know that your a diamond 💎 and that many people look upto you and respect you wholeheartedly. Know that you are loved and are a special person. All the best. Peace ☯️ ✌️ ☮️ 🕊 Denny
Thank you Denny! And happy birthday to you, fellow Aquarian :)). I hope you did something special for it. I’m so thankful for your message, and particularly your kindness. It has touched me more than you may think. I hope you’re doing ok Denny. Peace and love to you :)))) alwyas x
Happy belated birthday 🎉
I wish you all the best I’m here for you if you need anything
Ah thank you Freddy :)))
You're doing the right thing Jonny, The way the world is at the moment it does nothing but harm our mental health. We need to prioritize our mental wellbeing, Take time to pause and get back to a more stable point,
This is so true. These are extremely challenging times. I pray for some light and love in the world. It’s desperately needed by everyone
The focus needs to be you and no-one else. I hope things will go okay for you.
Thank you for saying this. I really appreciate it :)
You have such a nice sounding voice. You are great. 😘
Love you Jonny, keep fighting the good fight, I for one love you for you, I feel you every time I'm schizoaffective day in and out for the last 18 years (I'm 32 this year), what ever your future holds I wish you the very best and one day to maybe be content in who you are, love and respect to you Jonny ❤
Ah thanks James. That’s so kind. Wishing you health, and happiness too. You deserve it James :)))
Jonny, Thank you for your book: “The Stranger on the Bridge”. And for sharing yourself with us/me through your CZcams Channel. You’ve helped a lot of people (I’d say…). Jonny, thank you for helping me. Look after yourself. Please don’t be a “stranger”. Hope to see more of you! Thank you.
Happy Birthday Jonny!!
Ah thanks so much for this! It makes me super happy you found it helpful! It actually helps ME more than you could possibly know :)
@@mrjonnybenjamin, By the way… I too live with schizo-affective disorder. And again, your book and CZcams videos helped me. Hopefully you keep your content creation up. I say that because you are such a help. However, if creating content is unhealthy or causes you hurt… then I guess: don’t. One more thing… IF you’d be interested in a paper-letter pen-friend, I’d like to write you. Are you interested?
Happy Birthday!!! ❤🎉🎉🎉❤
Hello, you may not see this but i just wanted to share my thoughts. I'm really grateful for your channel, which has helped me feel more connected as a person who also has schizoaffective disorder. Your own health is the top priority though, so i'm glad you're stepping away (but hopefully not isolating offline). People can be very harsh and even cruel when they're anonymous. I think a lot of people with psychotic disorders also have deeply rooted insecurities and inferioritu. I know for me my mind compensates with grandiose ideas to try to retain a sense of self worth. But those thoguhts can perpetuate illness so when i catch myself thinking that way, i try to stop and give myself affirmations about my own self worth instead.
I've had a hard year too (3 significant episodes), and the war that's been going on in the middle east has taken a toll on my health as well. I want so badly for all the violence to stop. Everyday i look at the news and feel powerless. So i definitely relate to what you were saying.
Last i just wanted to say happy birthday 🎉. Hope you are able to enjoy it doing what you love with who you love. Best wishes for everything for you in the future.
I want you to know I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for your message. Especially right now. What’s happening in the Middle East is beyond my comprehension. And the fact I’ve been silenced over speaking up for the children of Gaza on Instagram in the last few months is a big part of why I’m stepping back. But I’ve been too afraid to say it. There’s a lot of very dominant, forceful, intimidating people out there. But I’m choosing love, peace, and harmony from now on. For all of humanity. So, I need to protect myself. I hope you are also looking after yourself as best as you can in these difficult times. You are not alone. Truly. In the words of Dr Martin Luther King Jr: “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” May you find light and love, now and always, my friend
@mrjonnybenjamin it's truly incomprehensible how the world can be silent (or worse, celebrate) while tens of thousands of innocent people are slaughtered, hundreds of thousands are injured, and millions lose their homes. People whose only crime is being born into a territory that another group of people believe they have a divine right to, and are willing to do anything including genocide to obtain. And the fact that people are being persecuted for speaking out on their behalf really points to just how evil our world has become. The whole situation is just heartbreaking and maddening. But encountering people like you who still retain your humanity gives me a lot of hope.
We like you, your story telling
I know what you mean about social anxiety and being in your head all the time!!! It sucks!!! Xxx
It’s so tough isn’t it. Remember you’re not alone. Ever x x
Goin back...one of my favorite Dusty numbers!!
Mine too :))
✌🏻☮️✌🏻
Hey I hope you're taking care 😊 fuck the trolls. They'll always be there unfortunately
You look great xxx
Happy 37th Birthday! 🥳
Ah thank you so much! :)
I spoke to you many years ago about starting Families in Trauma and Recovery and was inspired by what you do for others, and still am. 🙏 I work with Dr Daniel Fisher from Massachusetts MD Phd, who developed eCPR (emotional CPR ) and set up the National Empowerment Centre , and i believe you would find his story helpful as he also came through major psychotic episodes . Your desires for humanity resonate with so many of us - including Dr Fisher and would love to connect you with him as i feel he would also be helpful to you given his own recovery journey from schizophrenia. PM if you would like that. (But know that you may need this space at present - and totally respect that. ). Best wishes for wherever your journey takes you. Maggie. 🙏👍
Ah thank you Maggie i would love to speak with him :))))
I am worried about you. Are you OK?
Love you ❤
All the love in the world to you today! And everyday ! :))
Thanks for making me feel like I’m not alone in the world
Ah I hear you. You’re never alone. Truly
Omg get a tattoo and piercing hee hee go for it!! You are in charge of your body!! Noone else. Become a hippie!! New start. New you!!! ❤❤
So true! Thank you for this!! :))))))
I like you ❤ you are authentically you. Trolls are small, not you
Thank you for this Kerry :))
@mrjonnybenjamin my brother has Schizoaffective disorder and is about your age. I'm sad to see you go, but you must do what you feel is right for you
which medicine do you take for UC / crohns
I take mesalazine (salofalk) prolonged release granules. The granules help me more than the pill form i think.
Hey Jonny. Dont let the the vile trolls get to you. They wouldnt dare say those things in person because they are that pathetic. Youve faced worse than that. You have got people who have your back :)
Your support means everything! Thank you!!! :)))
If you really want to be a hippie, then in my city, Copenhagen, we have a free city "christiania", which was formed by hippies, and to this day they still live there. You would be welcome there.
I think that you are very strong person, even though you don't feel like it. It takes a very strong person to be so open about their life. Thank you for letting me into your life.
Oh wow i had no idea about this-i'm going to look into it now. Thanks so much for your kind words. I truly needed them today :)))
Neville Goddard (Feeling is the secret) and Joe Dispenza (You are the placebo)- check them out. 🙋🏻♂️
hey Jonny need help on editing your videos?
Thank you! This is such a lovely offer :)
I can’t take that kind of medicine that you’re talking about the beginning. People rave about it being the greatest, but I have only personally seen not good from it. Perhaps it is the same for you too maybe? From what I’ve seen, it would be better they didn’t make that medicine. Just talk with your doctor about it. Maybe? This video is radically different than the one I saw of you, that the other CZcamsr used.
I suffer from panic attacks all the time and I’m on Valium
I’m sorry to read-please know you’re not on your own. But I know how tough it is. I’m with you
I cant watch. I'm afraid od endings. ❤
I’m sorry. Don’t think of it as an ending. Think of it as a new beginning for me. I really need it. I’ll still be around. Just in a different way :)
hey i saw your blushing video. do u still blush?
Yes it’s a problem that’s worsened a lot over the last year for me. I need to seriously address it now! That's part of why i'm going away to take proper care of my mental health
I could hardly understand because the audio is too low for me, but you look handsome🙂
Oh no so sorry! I thought I’d got it right for once lol!
Howdy 👋
Are you familiar with metabolic therapy
I would suggest to look up dr Christopher Palmer
Hope it helps 👍
I’m going to be sad not seeing you no more
Ah please don't be sad. There's a lot of people out there posting great content. I'm going to be using the app Insight Timer from now on. I'd really recommend it if you're looking for inspiration :)) ps i just saw your other comment. Panic attacks are SO tough. Please be compassionate with yourself. I've been having CFT (Compassion Focussed Therapy) for a while now and i'd highly recommend it x
Please no! We miss you!
I’ll still be around! Just in a different way :))
Better don't give advice...look at things as they are resp. went...
Gee wiz! I just discovered you through another CZcamsr just a few minutes ago. Don’t worry about the trolls I mean, there’s more people that aren’t like that then they are… that sentence for a better since before I said it, I’m using my microphone. Anyway, I hope you get this and Happy Birthday.
You seem terrific
Shine on! 🎉👋🏻🤍
Ah thank you so much!