I am Autistic / Neurodivergent
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- čas přidán 22. 07. 2023
- 30 years in the making.
This video would never be perfect, but it's what I've been able to do.
Only recently been diagnosed, so I have a lifetime to process.
It's new to being allowed to be myself... and to look back with this understanding.
I feel like Clara Oswald going through The Doctor's timeline in Doctor Who.
Sending love out to the world to anyone else who understands this battle.
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I have always been fascinated with your ability to intertwine all your archived footage to back up what you're saying in the present. Appreciate this update, Rebecca!
My memory has it's pros and cons. Like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... the cons are sad. The pros are cool though
I'm highly aware I haven't covered sexuality, asexuality, relationships (platonic/otherwise), grooming/distressing situations I've been in due to being who I am.... and also stimming. I'm in the early stages of understanding myself from that perspective, e.g. Trichotillomania as a stim. There are areas of my life I don't feel comfortable talking about yet. I'd like some time to process them... or even start processing them...
Oh and sensory issues (including sound). It all connects.
I am intensely interested in that video when you're ready to make it; no hurry; it's your life, take all the time you need. I'm so happy for you in getting your diagnosis! Hopefully this will help you in many ways.
Please don't feel like you ever HAVE to tell us anything
@@chrissycopeland8064 Thank youuuuuuuu
How do I get assessed my doctor isn’t listening to me I have siblings that are autstic and have been told I have autism but no one will help
You're missed when you're absent, embraced when you're here, and admired always. Take is break when you need to but come back soon and often. The world of YT is a little dimmer without your light in it. For 15 years you have offered up your vlogs of candor, wisdom, and decency and I don't think I've missed a single one. Thanks for that. See you soon.
Blimey, thank you
So beautifully said.
I will check in later on
I subscribed to you long before either of us knew we were ND. Is it strange, happy, or sad that ND people seem to be drawn to 'our own'?
I'm glad that you have had this piece of closure and validation. You don't have to get better or worse. Masking or not, I'm glad you put up this and every other video, it made my life better.
Thank you.
@@Lazuriteplays I was going to say this too. So many of us ND's have followed Beckie for years!
Hii, I'm also autistic and trich can basically be a stim for autism/adhd
Congratulations!
I hope the diagnosis helps you.
All the best!
try the carnviore diet to heal your body. It's a elimination diet that helps to heal the brain & body.
see kelly hogan, Dr ken berry, Dr mindy pelz, Shawn Baker MD pocast (see his carnviore testimonies including on ADHD healing), steak and butter gal, dante carnviore freedom
this diet has been around since hippocrates days.
take care
Always impressed with all the old clips that fit perfectly and that you just seem to have in your Memory 😮
I always wonder if the clips live in Rebecca's head, or if she just has a really REALLY good cataloguing system for her footage. Haha
As a late diagnosed AuDHDer, I'm so happy for you that you've got this validation and I resonate so strongly with a lot of your sentiments.
It took me a moment to recognise you... my goodness Jerry. Hello there. Dailybooth, 2009. I remember us and Helen talking. Wow.... Not sure what journey you have had, but wishing you the best wherever you are.
@@beckiejbrown It's been a long old time since those early DailyBooth days for sure! Suffice to say that it's been a long journey for me too - Helen and I separated almost two years ago now. Those two years have been a whole lot of unmasking and finding myself, and the two diagnoses definitely helped
This gave me so many tears. The powerlessness of being neurodivergent in a world that wants to change us or get rid of us instead of seeing the value in us. The powerlessness of it being invisible and no support being available. “Seeking attention” “victim mentality” etc. It’s heartbreaking.
It's honestly been YEARS since I really watched your videos, but somehow I decided to look through my subscriptions and the first thing I notices is how long your hair gotten, in your recent video on your other channel. And then I came here, and to say this one was a rollercoaster for me is truly an understatement. I feel so relieved and happy for you and also terrified of the journey ahead, as I am facing the similar one. All the pain and uncertainty came crushing like a wave, tbh. At the same time I feel seen and almost validated as I witness your emotions and hear your words and expirience. I hope the road ahead will be more gentle for you (and for anyone else who might read this) than it was so far, as you get to know *more* of you.
You are loved, and lovable.
You are never alone.
You are accepted, and understood.
You are valuable.
You are worth it.
You are loved.
I was diagnosed with aspergers at 22. Suddenly everything makes sense in a way or at least shines in a new light. I sat crying on the floor the day I got the letter.
I've been following your journey for almost 15 years now and as far as para-relationships go, I'm so proud of you and happy for you.
Your diagnosis and my connection to your content now makes all the more sense to me and feels really affirmative and reassuring.
A lot of it is over now. I wish you all the best, you deserve it so much, love.
I’d always suspected you were neurodivergent but obviously random viewers aren’t an authority to diagnose you from CZcams videos. Glad you’ve arrived at a place where you understand yourself better.
Hi Rebecca, been following you since 2007ish, I’m a fellow late autistic diagnosed person, I’m 31, got diagnosed 2022. I also have trich and believe to have ADHD (also waiting for official diagnosis on that) and many other similarities that you have experienced and expressed in this video and your videos over the years. I’m in the USA but there is a lot of similarities here in the process. Anyway, thank you for continuing to sharing your journey and experiences, I can’t tell you how much it’s helped me feel less alone, even if masking, as I have and also have social phobia, anxiety, depression. Anyway, thank you, so appreciate you! Keep fighting, I know it’s exhausting and unfair. You are not alone, you are amazing and continue to be inspiring. Remember to breathe.
Hi!! I’m also 31 and also have trich and adhd.. I think it’s such a coincidence that we have trich, am i right?
I think people with autism and adhd have so much happening in their heads, that we do what we do. 😢
Watching this video was cathartic and affirming on many, many levels. I have been watching your videos for over a decade, and have always felt this indescribable affinity for you. We’re about the same age, and both struggled through university at the same time. Watching your videos always made me feel less alone in the feeling that something was fundamentally “wrong” with me while the world around me assured me I was just mentally ill and overreacting.
It’s surreal that years later you’ve made this video and once again it’s aligned at a time when I think so many of us are finally being heard and assessed for neurodivergence. I’m on the opposite side of you, in that I’ve received my ADHD diagnosis and medication and am struggling with long wait times throughout each step of my autism assessment… I deeply relate to that feeling of loneliness as you rediscover yourself and contextualize every different part of your being with the newfound understanding of being neurodivergent. Even if you’re lucky enough to have a supportive community there is something so isolating about this process and unless someone has gone through this exact experience it feels impossible to explain to people what this feels like.
What I’m trying to say is… Thank you. Thank you for sharing yourself so vulnerably and crafting this video in such a deeply poignant way. Watching it made me feel for a moment like I had a friend who understood, shared my feelings, and was there with me. If you haven’t realized it yet I really hope this helps: Your videos help people. They are a gift I for one am grateful for.
Thanks again. I hope your wait isn’t too unbearable and that you have all of the support you deserve. ❤
Beckie, I am SOOO proud of you for doing this video. It took lots of courage to upload it and make this announcement to the world. I have been watching your YT channel since your video "She takes a photo 6.5 years". Welcome to the ASD club. In 2018, I was diagnosed at the age of 47 y o. I admire you so much ... Lots of love and hugs from a fan in Calgary, Canada
I followed you over the years, your style of narration and editing appealed to me, felt close to you somehow. I also dealed my entire life with depression, anxiety, OCD among other diagnoses. Last year, at 28 years old, was diagnosed as Autistic. Such mixed feeling. Love to see you back. ❤hugs
im happy you finally got a diagnosis.. being able to put a name to what you’ve been experiencing and have that validation is so reaffirming. thank you for posting!! ❤️❤️❤️
Hey girl, you're missed. Nice to see you again 🩷 My daughter was diagnosed last year. Im sorry you've had to struggle so long without the correct diagnosis.
youre making steps beckie, after my years of struggling with psychosis i was relieved and so was my family when my psychiatrist diagnosed me with schizo affective disorder. ive read about it a lot and have a good self insight now. keep being awesome, were here for you
I am very relieved for you to have the diagnosis, but I am also appalled at how unfair you have been treated in the past and currently.
I hope this diagnosis will help you find more helpful means to go through the days. I myself was diagnosed late with AuDHD and it has been a whirlwind/rollercoaster but the diagnosis was an important step.
I admire your strength and I am sending you all my love ❤️
I found your channel around the age of 10 and I always looked up to you/ related to you-which cracks me up because after YEARS of jumping from one diagnosis to another I am now 26 years old and diagnosed with being autistic and having ADHD. I haven’t seen any of your videos in a few years.. I was looking for a paperplain song and one of the old videos of yours that I used to love popped up, which led me to this one. May your diagnosis lead you to clarity, comfort, and the discovery of truly helpful coping mechanisms. And know that even through all of the struggles you helped a little girl (me) feel understood and inspired, even when I felt like the world was crumbling around me. Thank you for sharing your stories with us!
My son is 30 and is neurodivergent. Life for him, especially social life, is not easy at all.
To some extent, your videos are helping me to be closer to my son and try to understand him more, which is a thing pretty hard to do. Thank you for that, Rebecca.
I sat in absolute silence the whole way through just admiring this video it nearly felt like it was me, it felt like i was watching my entire life, I am 37 recently diagnosed adhd and autistic and been in the system for 20 years and this just brought me to tears at the end, i felt the emotions you were having and that ending was just perfect, i felt every emotion, frustration and validation every moment of that video. I remember when I first watched your content a good decade or more ago and have always said you remind me of myself, the piano playing by ear and pretty much every aspect of what and who you are, i relate to, our neurodivergence, oh it was a brilliant video
It's so good to see you on this platform. You are missed! I follow you on Instagram but it's always nice to see you here ❤
Been a viewer of your (fabulous!) videos for almost a decade now.
Will always love you!!! You are awesome, Becky! And DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!!!
Much love from across the pond!!!! :)
This is the first time I’ve come across your content and this video has helped me so much, you have no idea. My heart aches for the decades of suffering and searching for answers you’ve gone through, soul crushing 💔
I have been watching your videos since I was a teenager, and you were a teenager too. It's really moving to see you finally getting your diagnosis. I remember how happy I was when I got mine. (not Autism, Borderline Personality Disorder.) GOOD LUCK!!!
Congrats on you self affirming diagnosis! Sending love a support to whatever space you need it, I hope this helps you carve out a safe space for yourself filled with love and support.
I have watched and followed along with you for years. And as someone who works in the mental health field and identifies children with autism/ADHD/etc., I had always assumed you were autistic and that you had been diagnosed years ago. Obviously you can’t diagnose someone through their CZcams videos, but it was just something I assumed (like it sounds like you also had). I am so sorry it took so long for you to get your diagnosis. That’s really unacceptable and just so unhelpful. I hope that you will now, finally, be able to access more of the resources, support, and understanding that you need as someone with a beautiful, complicated, neurodivergent brain.
I have watched you for almost 10 years. You were the first person who introduced me to the concept of mental health. That was the first step for me to get help and I have also been on a journey to figure out whether or not I might be neurodivergent. Thank you for your work. To me you helped me so so much over the years, told me I was not crazy for tearing up my skin, for beeing depressed. Thank you.
You don't know how much good you put into this world. I am so happy that you have been able to get a diagnosis. Thank you ❤
I missed you, I've been watching you for so many years, I think a decade and a half. I relate so much with some of the things you said. So sorry for all this struggle. Keep pushing through ❤
The bridge between bpd , ocd, c-ptsd, anxiety, adhd & autism is so fine. All of these things I have been told I ‘might’ be. I have never had a proper diagnosis apart from being pushed towards the anxiety side because it’s an ‘easy’ label. I’m still on my journey to finding who I am inside my little head. I’m so happy to see you, Becky, getting some understanding of yourself. I feel that because I’ve been following you for so so many years since before you were at university that I must find some connection to you and see a bit of myself in you
It really isn't that fine a line, BPD and autism for example are actually very different, but lots of things in the DSM share a few really vague criteria. You could turn to any page in that thing and relate to what you read. It's like a horoscope in that way. It's the other stuff that is important, not the co-occurring normal person stuff that is inexplicably being pathologised. You need a really active listener to genuinely hear what you're saying rather than what they think you're saying, though. Misdiagnosis happens because some (usually a) dude with a degree decided to attribute intent to your words, and take them as actions. An autism diagnosis immediately erases a BPD diagnosis, they are actually polar opposites. You can't have both. But there are lots of people who think they do have both, because it hasn't been explained to them properly. Lots of people also take a differential list as a list of diagnoses and it isn't even close. A lot of autistic people do have C-PTSD though, yes. Especially when they're diagnosed later in life. It can be really traumatising to exist in this world when you can't read or understand people, and there are some truly evil people out there who will gladly take advantage of that. Anxiety and depression is thrown around pretty lazily though, since everyone experiences both of those things and that's normal. Experiencing them doesn't mean you have the disorders related to them.
Wow I love this video! Seeing how you’ve been looking for so long for a diagnosis, your thought process, your struggles- this is such an amazing journal of your experiences. I feel like it could be a documentary. I relate to this so much!!
I'm so happy that you've finally received a diagnosis Beckie! I will also say I really appreciate this video at this point in time. A couple of months ago, I finally went to my GP to ask about being referred for an autism diagnosis, after years of, frankly, being in denial. I grew up with a younger autistic sibling and the past few years my mother in particular has said to me how they think I'm also autistic, but it wasn't until I experienced work-related burnout resulting in anxiety and depression last November that I started to consider that a diagnosis would be a help rather than a hinder.
A few months after the burnout I went to a conference with my mother and sibling which featured neurodivergent speakers. I was amazed by how many of their experiences of the world around them resonated with me and that cemented my decision to seek a referral. I'm under no illusion that it will take years for the referral to go anywhere, but it's a start.
Your hair looks absolutely lovely.
Thank you for being vulnerable with us Beckie. I feel like your long silences of late make a lot more sense now. I imagine you've been through Another Great Struggle in trying to figure out how to put this video together for your followers. But you did it! And I'm very glad that you did.
Your video here has made me think and feel many other thoughts and feelings, but I'd rather not overwhelm you in that regard, and also as someone with no experience in the medical arenas that you're describing I feel the need to step aside and let others have their say, and so I will leave you with just what I've put here.
You're a beautiful human being Beckie. Thanks for being you and thanks for sharing you with us.
Diagnosed with depression and anxiety more than two decades ago, but nope, it was autism and adhd all along. Believe me, there are tons of us out there. Got my autism diagnosis in 2016 at age 34 and adhd in 2021.
95% of my anxiety disappeared with my first dose of adhd meds. I did not expect the meds to do that. It is astounding how much of my anxiety was down to a hyperactive thinking pattern.
Your videos were such a place of comfort for me back in 2015-16-ish, and tonight I suddenly felt the urge to go on your channel to maybe watch some nostalgic videos of yours - and then to see that you just uploaded this... I am so so happy that you've finally gotten som definitive answers to the whys and hows of your life. Congrats!
You are just as talented a storyteller as I remember. The skill you have to narrate through recordings of so many different moments is outstanding. In all these years I've never seen anyone do anything like it. Also, your opennes and rawness - you're humanity - is captivating.
Even though it is tough to hear and remember how much you've struggled, it warms my heart to listen to you. I feel like you are someone I used to know, and now you give me the opportunity to catch up with you. I am very grateful for that. As long as you want to "update" (hehe) us/the internet about you and your life, please do. I'm here for it, I'm back. Didn't take me many seconds to subscribe to your channel again!
I've watched you for the last 10 years and you always made me feel less alone. You helped me realise that trichotillomania was a thing and feel less alone in that way, but more than that I always related to you in ways that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I'm so happy that you got your diagnosis, and it's so strange to me that it should happen within a few months of me having that realisation about myself in my own life and starting to try to seek one myself. I've always appreciated your vulnerability and openness about your struggles; it makes me feel like it is okay to be myself and also not be okay sometimes. You've given me a lot of strength over the years simply by existing and being yourself. You are a beautiful, amazing human and I'm sending you all the love and hugs and support and happy vibes your way. And thank you for being on CZcams all these years ❤️
I have been following you for around 12 years now (that's half my life) and have always felt so seen by the way you see and experience the world. Thank you for all your videos, thank you for this video and most of all congratulations on your diagnosis!
So interesting to see a life update from you. I used to watch your videos like 10 years ago. Crazy how time flies
I just found your channel and this video and I relate to your struggle & journey so much. It’s amazing you have so much past footage and the way you have inserted it into this ‘life update’ really gives a full & complex picture of the past decade of your life.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have been in my country’s mental health system for 17 years thinking I was dealing with depression and anxiety - plus I’ve been on medication that whole time. I got diagnosed with Autism when I was 27 and I’m 29 now. I still struggle but I have a whole new level of insight and am part of a new community.
Thank you & congratulations! 🎉
The first video of yours that i watched was your trich video when i was about 17/18. Before that, i didn't think there was a name for what I was doing to myself. I couldn't explain why i was doing it, and I also felt incredibly alone. Its still something i struggle with, along with anxiety, depression and ADHD. Im now 32, and I think I will ask my psych nurse for an autism assessment, because it would explain so so much ive been dealing with throughout my life and how its affected my education, professional career, relationships, just everything.
I can't tell you how many times I've wished i could give you the biggest hug, and tell you how much its meant to people like me who have needed to watch this journey, and to thank you so very much for your vulnerability. I know there will be ebbs and flows going forward, but i hooe this diagnosis brings you some semblance of well deserved peace.
Big hug and love Beckie❤ my love for you hasn’t changed since I started following you since ‘09! You’ve got this 💪
I remember writing you a letter on how much I can recognize my struggle within yours and how I felt understood watching a lot of your content... Now both late diagnosed autistics. I can't fathom being diagnosed as you're 30 and me still a lot earlier. Here again a lot of struggles I get and understand.
It takes time and energy to find yourself after an autism diagnosis. A lot of things make sense and as you said, now there's a selfcommentary on your whole life before.
I wish you the best in this relieve but also struggle and all other things that come ahead
I can’t even imagine how much it takes to get one of these updates out. I’ve been subscribed for probably close to 15 years now? Whenever I discovered CZcams I guess. And this is one of the most personal and powerful things I’ve seen you or anyone for that matter share. I want to keep it as short as I can because I could type a book from what you shared. Im horribly uneducated when it come to autism but I’m happy for the diagnosis because I know just being able to give a name to something can be a source of relief. Its always good to see you post a video if you’re feeling up to it because they seem to be source of catharsis for you and the life updates are nice even if they are one-sided. Sincerely hope for the best for you and can’t wait to see your next video.
I want to share this with everyone I know. I relate to so much of it. I'm Sonia, I've been following you since around 2008 when my trich became a problem. I was late diagnosed as ADHD at 28, and im turning 30 in about a month. I am now questioning whether I am also autistic. What a huge journey. Im relieved that you finally received the diagnosis that matched how your brain was all along. Take the time you need to process. It's been 15 months since my ADHD diagnosis, and i am still processing and just starting to unmask. Thank you also for mentioning Trich as a stim, im still deeply affected by it and not sure what to even do with that train of thought. Hopefully, some more self loving and forgiving actions. Thank you, Beckie ❤
My understanding of stims is still new. Even last year I started being open about stimming and felt slaughtered for it. So it's one of those topics I'm nervous to jump into post-diagnosis. Only recently had that permission to use that word.
My understanding so far is that Trich often worsens in puberty and is prevalent in more girls than boys. Many Trich girls/women are Neurodivergent and undiagnosed, in masking states for decades... and Trich is a stim/coping mechanism. Mind is blown. I have already talked about the comfort aspect to Trich but this... is just.... too much for my brain to process currently. I'll get there.
I said in my assessment that I truly believe that one of the main reasons I've been able to grow my hair is because a) I've been working from home primarily and b) because I've accepted my own neurodivergence (yes I said that to the diagnostic's team as they assessed me!). I've learned to recognise my trich triggers from a neurodivergence perspective..... or I've been in recent years, removed from environments that were harmful for me, e.g. working in retail or with people in person. Trich has been better
Long time viewer here with autism and ADHD, and trich, and I'm so happy for you!! The nhs feels like a war sometimes to get help, but getting answers must be so much weight lifted. Sending love! 💖
Hi, I just wanted to say I’m really happy that you got this diagnosis and it affirmed so much that you already believed. I actually started watching your videos when I was very young, in school time, and now I’m in my final year of medical school. I feel sad that it took so long for you to get the referral you needed, but I’m really hoping that, with this diagnosis made, the NHS can start making its amends with you. I also hope that doctors of now can pave a better way in terms of mental health, doing better for people out there struggling. I’ll always support your content and what you choose to share, good luck with everything from hereon 💕
I've been your follower since 2014. I've been wondering how you're doing for a while now. So good to hear what's going on in your life. Everything you say is very relatable and in cases when it is not, then it's understandable. This is definitely a step forward. Thank you for sharing with us all.
Also makes sense. I’ve watched you for years and just felt at home in your videos. ❤️
Wow welcome
Back I had forgotten about you and your channel as it hasn’t show in my feed for a long long time. Good to see you post again.
Thank you for sharing, Rebecca 💜 I know it is a painful journey, and there is a lot of mourning the younger self.
I got my diagnosis at 29. And it has gotten so much better since then (few years since then). I have been following your content for so long, and I remember seeing your videos and relating so deeply. 💜 Our lives are of course different, but I felt this (uniquely parasocial) understanding that to some extent there were others out there that knew what i was feeling.
Thank you, again, for sharing. Through the years, and today once again 💜
Hugs and positive thoughts, Rebecca. This is the good fight. Take what you have learned and help others. (Brilliant job editing, as usual.)
Although we are very different people on different sides of the planet, we have a very similar life story in these experiences. The trajectory of your story, the multiple misdiagnoses, the horrific medications, the trauma, the waiting for the right final diagnosis … and what is shocking is how common this is. Thank you for sharing your story 💜
I have been your fan for so many years, you are an inspiration. Your struggle for self discovery is so deep and committed that I am sure you will find the answers you want. Everything is a mental challenge, a challenge for the spirit and embracing the fire that it sparks in us helps us move forward and strengthens others in their own fights.
I've followed you from the start, might've changed accounts but I always got here.
And I absolutely connect with you. As someone who was diagnosed VERY late as well (29) and now I am 33. I hear you SO CLEARLY
Glad you've finally got an answer/explanation. Life is incredibly confusing pre-diagnosis because you're being medicated for things you've been told are 'wrong' with you but the medication doesn't help and that makes you feel even worse.
I first discovered your videos when I was 12, beginning my tumultuous “journey” of being tossed around the public healthcare system when i was first diagnosed with a myriad of things. You were one of the first content creators at that time that were so, so open and raw about your experiences and struggles with mental health. I’m in my 4th and final year of undergrad, about to receive my bachelors. I’ve also come to terms with my neurodivergence and possible autism, as you’ve mentioned, the lack of support for individuals such as ourselves, adults with autism, is close to none. Your story has reached so many others, and I’m so so glad you could finally reach a sort of understanding of the how all of this came together. You’ve truly inspired so many of us, in so many little ways.
Good to see you again! I’m surprised by how much I relate to all of this. Maybe I ought to look into getting diagnosed.
Really happy for you that you get to know this for certain! Being listened to, being seen by doctors can feel very empowering. I've been watching your channels for ten years, relating to so much of what you share with us. Today my boyfriend of nine years relates more, as he was diagnosed with aspergers at 27. Anyways just wanted to say yay! And to keep trying to be okay, even if your okay is not the same as everybody else's.
Love from France as always :)
Beckie, I’ve been following you for years and years and I too was diagnosed with some neurodivergencies later in life after doing all the mental health things the Ontario government offers. I have been diagnosed ADHD and am waiting to be assessed for autism. It’s lovely and validating getting these diagnoses. There is NOTHING wrong with you; I hope you embrace your brain. While I did not have trichotillomania, I did struggle with dermatillomania and told it was OCD related; it’s not. We are on the neurodivergent spectrum. I now am actually a RSW and approach my caregiving with this lens. If ever you just want to reach out, there are people here! Missed you!
Well done for persevering and getting the help you need and deserve!
Thank you for sharing, these stories are powerful & important, and the way you have years and years of footage to validate everything you're saying is incredible!
I received a diagnosis of ADHD at age 17 (after dropping out of high school due to the plethora of knock on effects and comorbidities untreated ADHD left me with) and that felt like an eternity in itself. The feeling of defeat, exhaustion, and failure that presided over every waking moment. I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for anyone to listen, and I'm glad they finally are. For me, it has been incredibly life changing information to have, and though it was daunting and confusing at first, within months I was able to start making my life the life I'd always wanted but had been struggling too immensely to achieve.
I'm currently waiting on an ASD evaluation, although I've thought that I probably have autism for about 4 years now, and tbh diagnosis or not, the understanding of how these things affect my life, and the switch to building my life & habits around how I work naturally instead of trying to force myself into "normal" habits has been the biggest leap towards success & thriving for me.
Wishing you all the best, & hoping you will finally be able to feel the warmth of the light at the end of this self discovery tunnel
There's so much I want to say, but there's too much to say at this time, however, watching your "update" was inspiring (I've recently been going through a difficult event, and watching your video has somewhat helped me a little). I'm delighted you received your validation. I was diagnosed 20 years ago at the age of 9 - even now, people still criticise and/or misunderstand me. Often they frequently tell me "you're not doing enough", or they point out my age and claim that, at my age, I should have "everything sorted by now." I could identify with a lot of what you said (and have said over the years), including how it feels and how it can become "exhausting"; in fact, I had to pause the video a few times because I wanted to scream aloud, "I'm not the only one!". Beckie, you continue to be such a strong and empowering woman; although I wasn't a late-diagnosis I do understand "this battle", and most importantly, WELCOME! ♥
I love the way you see the world. Your way to describe things is so unique and I could listen to you for hours! As someone who only very recently in the middle of their 20s got their adhd and cptsd diagnosis (yay neurodivergence!), reckoning with what that means for my life has been... a lot. It's a weird mix of relief and frustration. In a lot of ways I am lower than I've ever been, despite medication. I know the journey is hard! Wishing you all the best with your adhd journey!!
I started watching your videos 10 years ago when I started struggling with trich as a teenager. Seeing your struggles perfectly match what I was going through made it feel like I had a friend who I could relate to. I've only recently begun looking into an autism diagnosis (ironic), but I just had to comment to say how proud I am that you have both made it this far through your struggles and have come out finally with a diagnosis. Thank you for your openness and I wish you all the best!
Thank you. This is possibly the best description/compilation of what it feels like trying to figure out this process.
I got diagnosed last year at 25 and it’s absolutely bizarre how everything just changed, and how I can just access support that I didn’t have access to before, even though I had the same struggle as I do now, just without a label. It’s freaking confronting and jarring and glaringly obvious how broken the system is for adults seeking diagnosis, especially women. Adhd is a whole other can of worms entirely. You have empathy and a level of relation here from me.
Thank you so much for sharing this journey, Beckie. I've been watching your videos for almost a decade now, and, well... inspiration is not the right word for these types of struggles but it's the closest one I have. I've always resonated with so much of what you're going through, and every time you post it's a little reminder that despite it all, you're still fighting to figure things out and trying to make life better for yourself and the people around you, and that if you can keep going, so can I. As utterly cheesy as that sounds.
The endless trying to get better is relatable - hugs, and I hope this will give you some peace❤ (For me I got better after I finally stopped trying to get better, weirdly)
You do such a wonderful job of communicating just how hard it is. I had a shitty day yesterday and this video really made me feel less alone in this.
Hi, Rebecca. I'm glad you've finally gotten some relief. I can kind of relate in a way. I was diagnosed with OCD in 2018, which was groundbreaking for me. For years, I had been misdiagnosed and medicated for having chronic depression, and while the treatments helped with the depression to a degree, they didn't treat the incredible anxiety and spiral of thoughts that were causing the depression. When I finally found the right person to talk to, I was given an OCD assessment and it was like having a new lens to view my entire life, which was a lot to process. Now that I've had this diagnosis and a better understanding of myself for a few years, I feel validated and like I can navigate my life a little better. Struggles still happen, but having a concrete reason behind the 'why' in my brain has helped a lot. So, while our diagnoses may be different, this video really struck home for me. Best of luck to you. ❤
Rebecca, thank you for sharing this intensively personal journey. As a tricher, it was very helpful for the comparison of the BFRB umbrella and the neurodivergent umbrella. And as a long time subscriber, the introspection you have always had regarding to knowing something is different with how you think is powerful. It shows how most of us can always have a feeling or inkling something is off or different, and that voice is there for a reason. Thank you again for sharing and hugs (or high fives if you prefer) to you.
Ashley-Tennessee-USA
Sending you love as you process all this new info and emotions that comes with diagnosis after so long fighting to find answers ❤. I'm weirdly not surprised by this diagnosis given all the videos from you I've watched if i can say that to someone I've never met? It makes sense that this has been a throughline you never knew was there but has always existed.
A lot of my friends and family are coming to similar conclusions are on the road to diagnosis, so your experience is familiar to me.
Women/ NB people in particular are often diagnosed with neurodivergency much later in life, because we're socialised to mask our emotions etc a lot earlier and be more social/ collaborative.
I pray your ADHD diagnosis process takes less time and becomes easier going forward and your doctors are thorough and understanding xx
❤❤
I have watched you for many years and I am so, so happy that you’ve finally got some more answers. I hope this makes things a little easier for you to navigate ❤
Hi Rebecca, firstly I want to say I am so happy for you for to finally get your diagnosis. I used to watch your videos all the time when I was 11, up until I had immersed myself fully into my schooling. I’d come and go quite a lot. I am now 20 years old and it’s crazy to think so much time has passed since I last checked in. I know you don’t know me personally at all, but I always felt I could relate to you to some degree (even when your videos were focused on the topic of trichotillomania which I don’t have), there was something very grounding about your content and I was interested in being more educated in understanding these disorders.
Having recently just being diagnosed with ADHD, I now realised it was the strange feeling of being understood by someone. The frustrating and never-ending process of reaching out for SOME external validation for an internal struggle - where elements of life feel more challenging than what they should be - then trying to explain this and having those feelings be immediately shut down.
When I visited your channel and as I visit it today, I feel welcome as I am. I remember if I felt sad or like an outsider I would turn to your videos for comfort. Even when there were hard days, I felt heard and like I was with you. I can’t really explain it, but having spent majority of my life being misdiagnosed and perceived as “lazy” or “clumsy” or maybe “too enthusiastic” or “strange” if I had interest in something- I thought I would never be able to conform to societal expectations at a young age. If I did, I was masking.
I have never related to a video more, but on the other hand I am lucky that I had the access to your channel when I did, as I think it really tended to a repressed side of myself.
So thankyou Rebecca, I hope this made sense. You have made such a difference for many of your viewers, a lot of us I guarantee have been here since we were very young. I can imagine it is a constant push to get the response you deserve and understand yourself, but if it’s any consolidation you were a big part of that push for me (and many as I can see by these comments)
I am so proud and rooting for you ❤️❤️
i have been watching you on and off for a decade along with some other creators who also deal with the struggle of figuring out their mental health and I relate so heavily with you all. it is so funny but also comforting to see people older or around the same age as me getting confirmed diagnoses and continuing their journey, its a hard and brave one. i hope this confirmation in diagnosis brings you peace and growth for you Rebecca and for all else who may be reading this. xx- Heidi.
SO happy for you and proud of you. Being ND is such a journey. I was diagnosed with Autism as a kid, then undiagnosed and rediagnosed with ADHD and bipolar II, then my bipolar diagnosis was upgraded to bipolar I. And the saga continues! Life is hard when you’re ND but it’s also uniquely beautiful when you are able to feed your brain and your soul what it needs to be truly fulfilled as an ND person. So much got better when I started “catering” to myself or even “spoiling” myself instead of forcing myself to do things the typical way. Kids’ fruit toothpaste instead of mint! Snacks all day instead of pressuring myself to cook three square meals! Stimming stimming stimming! You can shape your life to be how it’s best for YOU. I hope your diagnosis opens your life to all sorts of wonderful things. Much love 🩷
I cannot explain how much I relate to this. I was also diagnosed in June 2023, after four years of chasing an assessment. I've watched your videos since I was a teenager and always found comfort in how you described certain things. There is such a whirlwind of emotions after a late diagnosis and I wish you all the best in the rest of your journey. We've got this!!
thank you so much for sharing your story with us. i’ve been watching your videos since i was in high school (25 now) and have been in the process of realizing that i could be autistic. i’ve had your channel on my mind during this journey, i always felt you could verbalize all of the things going on in my head when i couldn’t. wishing you all the best moving forward, you are an inspiration!! ❤️
I have watched you on and off for YEARS and I’m glad you’ve gotten a diagnosis. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.
Always appreciate your videos. Thank you so much for sharing
I normally don't comment , but today is an exception. I have been watching you on CZcams ever since I started struggling with trich over ten years ago now. Your videos helped me find someone to relate to, not only with trich but also in other aspects. All the things you mentioned struggling with, I struggled with too. It felt like you were making videos about my life sometimes. Like you, I got through my teens and part of my adulthood by masking, only getting my autism diagnosis a few years ago after being misdiagnosed many times.
I am so happy for you that you got yours. In the last couple of years, I got a lot more understanding in myself and why I do and feel certain things. I hope you can find a similar relief -- getting the diagnosis is only the first step ❤. Even years later, I am still learning so much about it.
(I'm not sure what the point of my long comment was. Mainly to say you made me feel less alone all of these years and that in turn, you aren't alone in it either. Thank you for always being open, thank you for everything ❤)
So glad you’ve had a diagnosis! I’m still on that journey but it’s lovely to know someone who has been able to get a diagnosis in adulthood. ❤️
Welcome to the neurodivergent club! I'm so sorry you've struggled 💖 As always I am very much in awe of how you use old videos and are supported by your previous selves. The older i get, the more impressed I am!
Welcome to the Club, it’s not all bad I have lived with Asperger’s now for 41 years and while it can be a drag at times I have had some great adventures and i wouldn’t have the friends I have now if it was for my Asperger’s my friends love my unapologetic honesty but same time strangers don’t really like it, so I got bullied a great deal when I was younger.
Anyway best of luck for the future having answers to these great questions of life and I hope it will help to understand yourself better.
I stumbled upon your channel when looking for reviews by fellow neurodivergents for Loop earplugs. I clicked onto this video, and as someone who was very recently diagnosed with Autism, I can relate to this *so* much. I'm in my late 20's, and was diagnosed with Autism last December (2023). I relate to a lot of your expressed feelings so much; specifically the overwhelming feeling of validation. I've done a lot of self-reflection since getting my diagnosis, and have learned to forgive myself for moments where - at the time - I thought I "failed". I realized that it's not that I "failed", but in reality I was trying to function in a neurotypical world and live up to neurotypical standards, even though I (unknowingly) have always been neurodivergent. The amount of weight that I could almost physically feel being lifted off my shoulders when I got my diagnosis has been so surreal, relieving, validating, empowering. And to see and hear that I'm not alone with my late diagnosis makes me feel even more heard, seen, acknowledged. Thank you for sharing your journey, truly
This is such a powerful video. I've no idea how long it took you but I hope it was somewhat cathartic to put together. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for all the gaslighting that has happened to you and all the medication that you were on. Take all the time you need and be gentle to yourself x
this is a really beautiful video with the way you've used your skills to communicate your story and experiences to us. thank you.
I’m so pleased you’ve had a diagnosis that explains your challenges (don’t know how to phrase this properly) knowing for certain gives a huge amount of inner safety.
I was diagnosed at 12, at least within myself I was able to have peace.
Other people however are a totally different kettle of fish.
I started watching your videos when I was 13 (around 2009/2010) I loved your videos so much and I always felt connected to you in a way I couldn't describe for a long time. When you recently announced you had been diagnosed with autism, I was like oh my god! I am so sorry you had to go through years of not being heard
I really appreciate you sharing your experiences and journey with us, and wish you all the best moving forward! ✌
Thank you for sharing this video, Rebecca! You're wonderful 💕💕 💕
I relate as only this year I got diagnosed as dyslexic (age 22) and I had to fight so hard to get tested and the relief of finally being able to say this is why I am the way I am. I hope you are now able to get more support and whatever else you need!
Welcome to the club! ❤
I was lucky to be diagnosed with Autism/Aspergers at a fairly young age, it helped my family understand a lot, though there are still many things they do not understand. I feel for you, if you have spent your entire life unknowing. ADHD often goes alongside Autism/Aspergers. I was never officially diagnosed, but it appears fairly obvious that I have it. I won't say I haven't suffered with an early diagnosis though. A lot of other mental health issues of mine were put down to my Autism... but instead, I in fact DO have Schizophrenia, as well as Dissociative Identity Disorder, so it was admittedly harder to get a diagnosis that way. Anyway, Autism (or really, any type of neurological disorder or mental illness) is never anything that we should feel any shame for, however. Even if a diagnosis can be, in some ways, life changing. There are many people with Autism that have done, or are doing wonderful things. 🥰
I hope that it becomes easier to adjust, in a way, it is a weight off of your chest to understand why you feel different from others. You are a wonderful person, regardless of what labels you are given. You are yourself. As cliche as it sounds, It's ok not to feel ok all the time. No one should ever have to plaster a fake smile and a mask, just to appease to others.
I will end by saying that I don't think that I myself, as an Autistic person, would be offended by you talking about autism pre-diagnosis, because you were, at that time, speculating, and I think that is 100% ok to speculate, to talk and try to make sense of something like this. In fact, I'd encourage people to always talk about things like this if it, in any way, can help anyone understand what they may be going through.
Rebecca; no matter what medical conditions you have. Just remember your amazing person (super hero). You have helped so many people that have watched your vid’s - you rock !!! Keep your head up and be you. Cheers from 🇨🇦
i watched you for years as a teen till early adulthood, with life things get forgotten and im back after remembering your channel to recommend a friend with tricho to watch your videos. Watching these years later as an adult with late diagnosed ADHD really hit home, we've always connected with you, I first learnt about figet toys through you, and your past self edits hit home to how it felt for me when all the memories came back with new lenses like oh, it all connects. I'm glad you could share it with us, and know that you're not alone in this journey cause people like me are on this one too.
Hope you feel better. Please keep up ❤ much love
I've found your 6.5 year photo every day video way back when (and around that period, watched many videos), and once every year or so, your videos find me again and resonate with me. Now I don't know anymore if that was just because you put so much effort in your videos, or because our minds work in a similar way. Anyhow, this video was beautifully edited and revelatory, and I'm glad it found me!
23:54 I have very vivid memories of watching your vlogs in the early 2010s as I was about to graduate high school, and just really relating to the level of introversion you showed in them. something about how you seemed so at home in your own space really resonated with me at that age. I also turned out to be autistic and it explained so much about my struggles. in a random bout of remembrance I came to your channel thinking to myself "I wonder if beckie also turned out autistic?" and this was one of the first videos I saw.
I am sorry it took so long to get that clarity for you but I'm glad that this diagnosis may open new doors of understanding and healing for you.
Sending much love and hugs (if you want them). Getting a diagnosis is so hard. Hopefully it means you can start getting some better support from the systems that should have been doing so this whole time. And hopefully it brings some measure of peace. And hopefully - the same for ADHD won't be too many years away. Everything just seems to move so slowly.
Thank you, as always, for your vulnerability and openness in what you do share.