Abusive and Negative Communication | Marriage Today | Jimmy Evans
Vložit
- čas přidán 7. 09. 2024
- Jimmy Evans discusses the reasons we can be abusive, insensitive, negative and reactive when we communicate with each other.
Sex, Love and Communication series order page:
www.marriagetod...
i TRULY THINK singles need to listen to these sermons because it is making me, as a single woman, so aware of the fact that marriage will never be without the work necessary to maintain it. So many of us as singles go into it with this romanticized view, especially in christian marriage. We need to be made aware of the pitfalls and I appreciate how transparent you are in talking about it without holding back where both parties have failed in doing it the right way...God's way
@ Michelle Brazil
Evans with his false teachings is the one who makes marriage a burden while it should be a place of joy ( many times men are told in the Bible to rejoice with thei wife of their youth , enjoy sex etc...) because he never teaches wives to be submissive to their husbands at all.
No wonder there can be only fights and all kinds of crap . When hierarchy is wilfully turned backwards , there is only disorder left. Who can flourih in disorder ?
Women , thanks to feminism unleashed in our decaying societies , have proved to be the more chaotic sex of both , something that the Bible already knew.
Nothing is more "red pill" about women than the Bible but those charlatans will keep the truth silent.
It is part of a big antichrist agenda to destroy our western nations (first).
this is so sad but very true.
@@framboise595 I've seen both sides. Never married, but I see preachers emphasizing the importance of wives submitting to husband which is their duty, but they forget to teach the importance of men loving their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. I have seen instances of where professing Christians...men...treating their wives harshly. What I see missing at times is respect. Some men have this mentality that women are their slaves and belong in the kitchen. God told man and woman to subdue the earth. Yet the word also states that a woman should not usurp their authority of a man as well. Jesus respected women and Ill follow Him and what He says is ok in His word.
@@missmlb3842
Emphasizing the importance of wives submitting to husband always makes marriage work which is not true when the focus is put on men loving their wives as so many preachers do today.
Because love is an emotion but submission is a structure. Take our body for example . If our body had no backbone , it could not stand up .
I like comparing submission with the backbone and love with the flesh.
The love is like the flesh that covers the bones. It is true that with no flesh , a body would not be pleasant to look at.
A wife's unsubmission can cause a whole empire to collapse ( Esther 1) which is absolutely not true of a man's lack of love.
Male-dominated societies always put the emphasis on what is more efficient and steadier and are viable on the long run.
Female-dominated societies put the emphasis on emotional details , on minor things and finally collapse.
@@framboise595 which is why I pray...Jesus I submit to you and YOUR leadership. He will teach me what exactly what true submission is. I humble myself before Jesus Christ. He will guide me as to who I am to surrender to. What about Deborah? What about Esther? She humbly revered her king and asked for his favor in sparing her people. Jesus told the woman at the well to go back to her town and tell them all that he did. I'm going to trust the LORD and His Word with HIS Spirit to guide me. I'm pretty surrendered to that and that is fair and right. I think God is more than pleased with full surrender to His SON - Jesus Christ. If someone cannot see that attitude of submission...then I dont know what to say? I refuse to be bound by a legalistic interpretation of scripture. Jesus said "FOLLOW ME!!" Jesus will always abide by His WORD and as the Spirit leads. Galatians 5:1
He is most cheerful and chatty on phone but not with the people around him
Hey sometimes when they are abusive it's best to let them go.
I agree. There’s only so much we can take. My husband’s ways were so cruel, I didn’t find him sexually attractive any longer. Then the emotional detachment followed afterwards. Now, in a few days, we’re about to divorce. We just weren’t for each other..
@@lightoflife6593 takes two
@@mysty0 it was my heart’s desire that he’d work on it as much as we both needed to.
@@lightoflife6593 but youve just come in here and laid all tbe blame on him, that immediately tells me you're not accepting responsibility for your part. You say you wanted to work with him on his problem, you want to fix him, to make him anew in your image
@@mysty0 Listen more and talk less.
My late husband was verbally abusive to me. The worst abuse was when his younger brother Victor was living with us in Norristown, PA. Things got better after he passed away. He was very sick the last 2 years of his life and I took care of him. He had Diabetes which eventually caused him to lose both of his legs below the knees. He had many other health problems that are too many to list here. He should have been in a nursing home, he needed that level of care. He once left a nursing home AMA. He would leave the hospital AMA on a regular basis. He went to the hospital at least twice a week. When talking to my therapist I told her about the 2-3 hour arguments we had on a daily basis. She told me to say "stop shouting" when he yelled at me. I did and there was no arguing the last 2 weeks he was alive.
I just got married a year ago and communicating with my husband sometimes is so Hard.
His so petty about almost everything, it can be so frustrating .. 👎🏼😡
my husband left me for another woman after 25 years and abandoned me. I have had a difficult time surviving the knowledge that he has NPD, a personality disorder that makes him totally self focused. he was abusive and would never let me improve myself so I have been financially devastated and am currently destitute living with my grown children. it's been a very humiliating experience. I am a Christian and my soon-to-be ex-husband is definitely against it. He tends to be a chameleon, so if he is around Christian's he will pretend to be, also. if he was at the bar he pretended to be single. watching these videos really brings home to me, what a marriage should be, and what I never had, especially intimacy.. I struggled for years to try to make him happy and he was a very abusive person and I'm very emotional and sensitive. he always had affairs and I would look the other way, but he always made me feel not good enough, and told me how worthless I was- almost daily. I was constantly struggling to be the perfect wife, I ended up with fibromyalgia and got addicted to my pain pills, which I used to numb my gut-wrenching pain (emotional also). I have been sober now for almost four years and my husband said he "Unforgiven me" for my addiction. I think he was just being passive aggressive and using that as an excuse for leaving, while blaming me for everything. he has told me that he didn't make any mistakes and that he was a good husband. I know I've made plenty of mistakes also, I know it takes two. I pray to God every day to heal my brokeness, and help me to not hate all men, becauseI I don't like feeling bitter. I haven't had a man in my life that hasn't abused me ( emotionally or physically) from childhood till now. learning a normal relationship is difficult for me. I have met a wonderful man but I'm so afraid of failure and pushing him away with my past & insecurities. if anyone reads this please pray for me. Thank you for your videos. God bless you and your beautiful wife!
Krissy Schoppert, you didn't deserve any of that! You deserve love. To be loved and know how to love. From one who was abused (in the past) to another precious woman (you!) who was abused IN THE PAST, Jesus Christ has that unconditional love that we seek so much. I'm growing in Grace myself but let's do this together. Let's not look back. You are worth dying for. Jesus did that for us. He says, KJV Eph 1:6 To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he has made us ACCEPTED in the beloved. You are accepted! Start saying that!
Krissy Schoppert Hello Gorgeous! My name is Cristy. I Was with my abuser for 11 years. 3 kids! This year i learned about NPD; after my & my 3babies "disgard"!My story is alot like YoUrs! SWEETNESS im so sorry for YoUr devastation! & nothing my LoVe was or is YoUr fault!💯😉 in fact YoU aRe a Survivor!! A Warrior!! A Champion!!!🏆 Keep fighting my LoVe & as YoU do, build!! Build back into beautiful YoU!!! Utube videos helped ME understand, heal, & overcome! But it is an ongoing battle!!💪😘 Follow ME on FB as i motivate & inspire others on so many topics.. I know, too well!😉 I pray Jesus wraps u in his arms of comfort! Guide'n, direct'n, loving, blessing, & protect'n you as u continue along YoUr journey; & discover YoUr purpose!! 👣GoD Bless & Take Care💎 Krissy!💃
,😢 I'm sorry. U have a kind and good 💓 u deserve 2 b happy. Being Happy truely happy, alone an awesome boost 2 self-esteem and rediscovery of SELF 💟. U ARE more than a mother, x-wife, PW fibromyalgia, survivor, beautifully awesome, caring woman! 📣🔍👸💖💃💪🌈🌞🙌
Please go to Hope At Last.com and get help that will break these patterns.
@@trouse5046
We do not deserve anything actually .
Wrong and insufficient communication are devastating to a marriage
I’m happier by myself, putting all this work in to a one sided marriage is a waste of time.
Im working on getting used to being single again.
I agree.
With the right one, it's worth it
I once told my sister how I couldn't take the abuse of my parents anymore and she barked at me, well .. move out. As a single mother who just had escaped a narcistic and abusive relationship .. that's what I found ... Insensitive.
What if your spouse has been using abusive language and you ask them to stop and they won’t? There are little kids learning bad behavior, and toddlers learning bad words because of what we model as ok. I’m not ok with it. How do I enforce that boundary that has been laid out?
It takes two to get married and it takes two to get a divorce. My husband and I never talk about that. Or bring up our exes. We are one flesh now. People get divorced for everything. Money or they are no longer attracted so they cheat. Its excuses work on your marriage and trust in God. Love your husband with your whole heart. I felt horrible today I called my husband a jerk. He did rip the covers off this morning. On accident I got angry just spitted it out. I still feel horrible.
Ot takes two to keep a marriage working.
Only one of them is needed to destroy it, and it takes only one to commit a divorce.
Please please please im begging please y'all pray for me.
How are things going?
Love.all the teaching"pray for my husband and I .livein apart.we both.have health.jssues amen
Many we know are divorcing and this trend seems to be increasing lately; extremely sad to see. A common phrase I hear amongst almost all of these to justify the divorce is he/she is "verbally abusive." When challenged to clarify, often the response is vague or generalized, something like: he/she constantly puts me down. Those who seek counseling (either in or outside of church doesn't matter) are advised to leave the marriage. Yet I don't see anywhere that divorce is allowed except on the extreme grounds of safety and perhaps an affair. But even in those rare occasions, it's better to work things out. I have a great marriage, but we've been through some pretty rough fights. I don't think the problem is "verbal abuse" or "spiritual abuse" or "oppression", at least I don't see this anywhere in God's word without a twisting of scripture, which we know the devil likes to do. The problem is simple: Pray. Then open up your Bible and start reading. Read when you wake up and when you fall asleep. Do this, even if it's just one person--the other will eventually follow--and the marriage will begin to take off. Marriage is a deeper relationship we enter together with the Lord. Take Jesus out, and you're merely two consuming fires. But if you're seeking Him, then you're man and woman, two becoming one flesh. The contrast is so great. Be careful of all this marriage counseling. If Jesus isn't mentioned over and over again, you'll end up at best with a superficial loveless marriage and at worst...well, pretty much it's what I see with all my friends, a worst-case-scenario. Your choice. Good luck.
Thank you for this Godly advice!
That's beautiful, I love that advice brother.
Yikes. Then u obviously haven't gone through verbal abuse. Or spiritual abuse. These are the discussions we need. That it's ok to separate from abusers who do these things. To break those generational curses.
You definitely haven’t been in an abusive relationship. You dismissing other people’s experiences and suffering is actually disgusting. I know you mean well, but for someone who had to endure verbal and emotional abuse, I have to constantly remind myself that I am not crazy that I feel certain way. Because when you are abused, you question your reality and sanity. Right now, you’re saying that people throw those term loosely and can’t tell how exactly they are abused. Maybe because they can’t. That’s what abuse do to you. Don’t judge people so easily. Even the Bible says so.
You seem to be speculating a lot. Not all verbal abuse is the same. Sometimes it can be worked out and divorce should never be taken lightly.
Sometimes constant verbal and emotional abuse ruins a persons health so they can no longer have a job or relationships. So that the kids grow up traumatized.
Some pastors look at this as “abandonment” and allow for divorce.
But yes, it should only be in extreme circumstances. Most cases can be worked out as you described, but not all. Since you don’t know the details, you’re judgements are not right.
Awesome! Thank you Pastor! ❤️
I was the one who went to therapy to improve our relationship, when he went to therapy he would tell the therapist everything was okay. Okay?!? We just had an argument on the way to therapy!!! No it's not okay!!! Tell them what's wrong so we can fix it, not keep arguing for two hours before we get there! And then continue the argument afterwards!
@ anne welch
No it's not ok ! You are not submissive to your husband in everything , that is why your marriage is messy and chaotic.
But don't ever expect Evans and co to tell you the truth.
There is no need for worldy "therapies" when men are in control !
Sensing sarcasm?
This so true!!!!
We need to reincororate this in very single araguement before words cant get taken back
Thank you for this sermon
Thank you so much . For this most powerful message.
Im the 1 who is explosive in our relationship. Anxiety, depression, anger, guilt...24hrs a day. Tormented by my own mind. I say i will be better...then wake up & here i go again :( same old me full of pain hating myself.
Kathryn I was in you position years ago. Thankfully I decided enough was enough and got on anxiety medication. Now I'm not the person I use to be! That took care of the chemical imbalance in my brain. I'm curious when you mention the guilt, what guilt do you have?
Thnax for the video!
I have really had it with this marriage. I realized I absolutely have to get out when I found myself emotionally feeling terribly trapped in the same way as when I was ten. I LITERALLY felt like I had been transported back in time with my verbally/emotinally abusive mother. I NEVER WANT TO HEAR MY HUSBAND CALL ME NAMES EVER AGAIN and feel those awful dark feelings of worthlessness ever again! I have tried to talk to him calmly many times about things he has said or done that bothered me or hurt me but he discounts what I say or flips it over to point out something wrong with me. I have grown to despise him. I hate divorce just like God but I am very sure this is NOT God's best idea for my life. I was thriving until we got married. He refuses to make plans for our finances, enforce discipline for his teen son or make him stick to any chores. The environment is so toxic I want to take my 7 year old and run and it was originally my house. God will deliver me. We met at church and he calls himself a man of God but if we have any disagreement he brings every possible thing in my past he can think of to make a nasty argument. I don't know anything positive I can possibly say about this situation I just want peace I can't even stand to look at him. God help me.
@ Vilinda Veronica
What is most toxic today is that women are told that they are little innocent angels with no sin .
Total decpetion . And Evans the charlatan is pandering to women in a way God never does.
Women in the Bible are never buttered up the way those so called pastors do . The good ones who do good to their husbands are praised but the evil ones are firmly rebuked.
But of course , in Evan's kingdom , they are told they are perfect .
Evans never ever teach women to be submissive to their husbands , which cause multitudes of conflicts and crap within the marriage .
He tells women to say no to sex , deceiving them into thinking they still have owership of their body IN MARRIAGE .
This is pure evil and light years away from what the Bible teaches women .
We are living in a feminist hell where the truth has been replaced by emotions and feelings. We are going crazy with the abuse stuff.
1 Peter 3 is clearly overlooked , yet this is the only way a godly ( a true one I mean) can win a man who does not obey the Word.
But letting women think they are innocent victims is pure deception , a trap and a broad way to hell .
@@betterlifejourney1202
Why would your husband call you names ? Do you resist him and it makes him angry ?
Why would a husband call a virtuous wife names ?
The Proverbs 31 woman's husband is praised by her husband for doing him good and be a God-fearing woman .
@@betterlifejourney1202
Ok . He needs salvation . Keep being submissive to him to win him over and praying for him . I will help you if you want .
God bless you both.
How is you doing now? Pls let me know. I’m in the same situation and I want to know if it gets better
@@framboise595 that is a healthy man. A toxic man is a different story.
God please teach me !!
It will be our 2 yr anniversary this July if we make it that long. Things have never been so wrong with no hope in sight . We have no marriage, everything I have ever wanted or grew up dreaming about marriage has either been ignored, destroyed or ruined. We have a long history that was for years been my fault till 5 months before we was married and I come to know the Lord and for the first time was how I hurt her so much and pushed her away always thinking she would be there. The night we got back together I confessed all to her and ask her for her forgiveness. She said she forgive me that was all in the past, we both agreed to this time to go about it he way it should be and wait till we married before we slept with each other this time even though we have a 13 year old together. I asked tearfully for her to try to see what we both had done wrong together and yes there was no excuse that I was sleeping with another woman and I pushed her away she had done more than her share of stunts to me by chasing and phone harassment for years saying she loved me all along. Most of the time we was still having sex sometimes hours after going to court against each other. Several times I asked her do you have anything you want to tell me or I need to know and it was always no I never stopped loving you. 5 months later we was fixing to be married but she said it would never happen and I was worried something was wrong ,something was not the same. They was no connection, no intimacy, no talking ,no effort at all to make time to spend with each other, and worst of all no passion. I mean no kissing ,no touching and no nothing like before. We got all her moved in before the wedding and sex was a complete no . Then one Sunday afterthe church we got married went home then to work next day. Sexthe that night was awkward at best nothing like the wildcat I had knowed for years. She would talk , move or make eye contact. In fact no lights are allowed for 2 years, no foreplay of any kind, no making out to get in the mood , no dressing up like before (nothing bad), no other positions ,no other rooms or locations n in fact nothing at all. She has never initiated sex she won't discuss what she wants or likes me gets disgusted about it all every time I bring the subject up. There has been no honeymoon or want of one by her, from the wedding night in July till first of the year we had had sex 13 times and not one time from labor day till Jan 2nd. And she saw no wrong in her behavior. She treats our daughter like an idol and thinks if she washes my clothes and cooks twice a week I should worship her. She stays on Facebook always posting to her "friends" people I don't know or never meet in other states but she says she loves me and never gave up. I love her but I can't take this no longer . I can't stand being done this way when she was the complete opposite before. I mean nothing like this . Everything g will be alright we just got to get married what she told me. I feel like I've been set up! Then after she refuses therapy and talking it with me I start hearing little things at first I blew off here and there then I start finding memes on Facebook to a boyfriend she had been seeing and I mean a boy. Then the secrets started.
Does this apply to narcissistic types of spouses?
It's going to be almost 30 years and I don't think we're going to make it. I feel very very low right now.
He watches your videos or at least he did
I have walked in your shoes and the best thing we did was a Retrouville weekend. No kids, no phones, no outside world. I needed to hear what my husband loved and hated about me and he needed to hear what I loved snd hated about him after 30+ years.
@@eviechavez5795 retrouville saved us also. Both have to go in with open hearts and mind. Very powerful weekend. Still have to continue to work on your marriage at home but that weekend alone brought us together. So many couples that were there crazy when you see how everyone was when we first got there vs when we left!
No one can make you happy you have to be happy for you. Narcissist are everywhere! God hates divorce but he does not like unevenly yoked couples Eighther.
I don’t know what to call these people who are more prone to listening to others on phone and quite oblivious to the partner under a same roof
The most annoying part of my spouse is that he is too much addicted to his phone.Even doesn’t listen to me eye to eye and always turns away while glued to his phone.
powerful
I went shopping to for fill my loneliness being stuck at home with the child I remained stuck at home six days a week football and the dog came before me he treats me as though I’m the dirt beneath his shoes
How long do you have to be the better person before change happens? Going on 11 years and sooo tired.
Advice please! I’m the one that gets heated. My husband will never raise his voice in anger or talk to me like crap.. but he stays silent. He won’t ever tell me how he’s feeling. I can work on myself and how I communicate, which I’m committed to doing, but how do you work on better communication with your spouse if they don’t communicate their concerns or feelings at all?
Cupid's advice to Christian women about how to avoid abusive relationship
abandonyahweh.blogspot.com/2018/02/cupids-advice-to-christian-women-about.html
abandonyahweh.blogspot.com/2018/03/cupids-advice-to-christian-women-about.html
abandonyahweh.blogspot.com/2018/04/cupids-advice-to-christian-women-about.html
Meezcheese Loo-eez It sounds like you want him to communicate - as long as it is positive. Many times when a guy doesn’t communicate, it’s because they’d rather “suck it up” than say something mean or hurtful. If he were allowed to say something truthful and honest, but which upset you, would you be open to hear that as well? Make communication a safe place, and he will communicate. If he’s going to “get into trouble” for what he communicates, he will say nothing, rather than run the risk of creating a bigger problem.
I, too WAS the person that lost her cool. I signed up for a Retrouville weekend and was completely blown away. Be prepared to hear what he thinks of you and your temper, accept and change what you can about your negative habits. Start off listening to him when he speaks and ask him to explain when you dont know what he means......and pray, pray and keep praying. It really works.
It could be that you are too hard on him and will not listen without trying to change how he feels.
Words are the worst weapon to some.
He may have tried but if you have belittled him he doesn't feel like he can open up to you.
Everyone here is suggesting that he communicates this way bcs of something you do, and maybe eventually you learn to become very frustrated toward the silence and apathy coming from this love of your life, but likely, it's built up. His behavior has reached a point to receive this reaction and now it's all unhelpful. People are going to act the way they're going to act. Either both people do a lot of work together (with God in the mix everyday), or it will become too dysfunctional and damaging to repair. Conditioning each other to communicate in an unhealthy way doesnt just stop one day. It takes so much work but both ppl have to chip in and be real with themselves and each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt
love this
Have teach or preach on mix race marrage-- or disable couple marrage-- or gay marriage.
My husband mocks my love for the father
How do I talk to my spouse about hurt that my spouse is causing by refusing to listen to the way that my spouse does not defend me if my inlaws talks in an unacceptable manner
This really hurts me and causes me to turn away from my spouse especially in the bedroom
My spouse always blames me and refuses to accepts fault
caryn bothma : I feel ya Caryn! 🙀 Sending best intentions/outcome and happiness your way.
One 💓
@ caryn bothma
"especially in the bedroom "
Go on , do what Satan tells you to do and EVANS too. Evans tell women to say no to sex. I know what i heard from that charlatan . I watched several videos of him . Pure feminist garbage.
Pure evil. Women today are the most demonic tool ever used.
What your inlaws do have nothing to do with the sex you owe your husband and the sex he owes you !
Your body belongs to your husband , not to yourself you devastating woman .
@@Morealiens
Stop the stupid little red hearts please . God's word has nothing to do with emotions but with HIS WILL .
And his will for wives is NOT told anymore. Women today struggle for power with their husbands instead of submitting.
They are the ones who bring chaos in marriage .
Evans teaches wives to say no to sex. It is puerly demonic and 1000000% unbiblical .
But Evans and so many other charlatans side with poor innocent woman who acts like a real bitch.
This is how Satan wins.
He is not done with marriage yet. He still has plenty of marriages to destroy. Go on women , he has job for you .
Solution no in my first marriage it was negative,,,
Aren't are hubands suppose to love their wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it?
They can't when they hate themselves
I have been asking for outside help for more than 10 years, now we are in stonewalling...we have no outside help, he refuses.
My husband “would not give me any GOOD words until it become TOO LATE.
This video only applies to normal people who know they are not perfect and want to improve. This is not for the abused spouse married to a COVERT NARCISSIST who will not change. Believe me - after a decade of normal loving relationship, things started to crack when he could not hold down jobs due to inability to get along with others, and he started blaming me instead. He became controlling and verbally abusive towards me. Never apologise to me for hurting me, but would still want sex. He appeared like the perfect man to outsiders, but on the home front, a hostile monster. Christians are easy targets for these narcissist individuals, and they keep believing their abusers might change. Pharisees did not change when Jesus was right there in front of them. Get out of these abusive relationships!
Doing the right thing gets me punished.. The more I pray the more demons pop up
What were the first 6? This video starts at #7!
So did you end up giving up golf?
😥
This doesn't work for narcissistic abuse
Jesus Christ is our counciler take it to the lord in prayer (2nd Timothy ch3: 1---7 last days we are in).
My husband has stonewalled me until he finally broke me. 😓
My wife thinks I’m abusive but she constantly lies and she pretends to be submissive... we can sit and agree that something is detrimental to the marriage... we will agree it should stop then 3 months later she’s still doing it... the entire time she lies and convinced me she has... discussed personal finances and it somehow got back to her ex... complete violation of trust... So yea after the betrayal and lies your gonna yell!
I never argue with my wife because I can get really nasty, really quick
Fasting will get rid of the fat by the way.
cute your funny! Nothing like humor.