A new plan for anxious feelings: escape the custard! | Neil Hughes | TEDxLeamingtonSpa
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- čas přidán 28. 03. 2016
- Comedian, author, and physicist Neil Hughes lived with anxiety for years before he had a strange realisation: anxiety is just like custard! This surprising pudding-based insight led to a new approach to his mental health.
In this talk, he uses physics, humour, and poorly-drawn doodles to share this new way of thinking about mind management, including practical suggestions for improving mental habits.
He also explains the hidden links between fluid dynamics, custard, and emotions, and how these links might help to build a more peaceful life. This amusing and enlightening talk will help you identify the ‘custard traps' in your mind and start plotting your escape.
Neil Hughes is a comedian, anxiety sufferer and the author of ‘Walking on Custard & the Meaning of Life’, a unique combination of autobiographical confessions, humorous fantasy fiction, and a ‘how-to’ for living less anxiously and more happily. As well as speaking about mental health, he is currently working on developing a comedy show, writing his first novel and perfecting the art of the pasta bake.
You can find Neil Hughes at www.walkingoncustard.com and on Twitter at / enhughesiasm .
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
I don't normally comment on CZcams, but this video was just too good! Thanks for making me laugh and putting a difficult topic into a situation which everyone can understand and connect with. I am also impressed that he stayed calm and cool under pressure with his slideshow errors. Bravo!
Chris Synnott I agree with you on everything you said - including how calm he was with the errors.
Do you guys feel really weird at a moment (for me it last no longer than one minute) when the fear is gone? I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes I feel like I was worrying so much, that when the anxiety is gone, I'm feeling uncomfortable and I feel the need to find something to worry about...
Lola Prus RIGHT? ! Because we get so used to the feeling, and you know it's wrong and unhealthy to feel like this but how do you stop it? :(
I don't know yet, but I believe we will find a way to escape this circle of anxiety :) I hope so, even though right now I'm stuck with it ;/
Lola Prus I’ve been there. Anything can become normal to you if you practice it long enough. The good thing is, that that normal feeling will start to feel normal to you too.
After I have an anxiety attack and realize it was silly I actually get full of energy for some reason
Oh yeah, our dear friend anxiety, we feel alone when it's not there. I don't believe in erasing it 100%, it's not what I want and it's actually not good for us because there are real problems and dangers in life. It's however a good idea to dampen it so it doesn't become an obstruction in life. I believe that way of thinking can help, because you don't need to get rid of the worrying (the friend will not be gone), just decreasing it a bit to a more manageable level.
From now on, when I’m having a bit of a rough day with anxiety I’m going to stop calling it anxiety attacks I’m going to say “I’m stuck in custard”
Me too! It somehow helps to give it a name and add a little comedy.
sitting at work watching this and crying. I wish I had someone to talk to about my anxiety. My family doesn't get it...they usually tell me to get over it. And I try! but fail miserably.
You are not alone
I feel that the best way to deal with it is to surround yourself with people who are going through the same thing. People who don't understand it will not be able to help you. Think of it this way...you are building a cheerleading team with others who suffer the same so you can cheer each other on. I haven't done this yet but I'm going to start working on it right away!! Any suggestions for my team name???
Same here, it's worse for me because I'm a guy and also I suffer from some back problems too. My family just tell me to get over it
Try Pink Himalayan salt. Most anxiety comes from a deficiency in minerals and pink Himalayan has 84 minerals our bodies don’t get completely.
How are you doing now?
I've been having paralyzingly debilitating anxiety for a decade now, and it's gotten so much worse since my friend was murdered a month ago. I'm in the loop from the first thing I wake up in the morning to when I reluctantly fall asleep at night. I'm constantly afraid that I'm not taking deep enough breaths or breathing enough in general. So I end up overdoing it and feeling like gonna pass out which only makes it worse. It makes me feel a bit better to hear these confirmations that I'm not alone in this terrifying experience.
Seek help!! You need to take care of your mental health. I encourage you to google mental health resources in your area. Renember, you don't have to live like this and you CAN take steps to feel normal again!! You'll be ok. Find someone you can confide in. I believe in you 🙂
I feel as if I've been in a custard mine-field for the last year or so. Now I feel I have tools to deal with my intense anxiety and stop living in fear every day. I honestly felt my shoulders come down from my ears and my body relax somewhat just listening to your talk. I look forward to checking out your website. I can't thank you enough!
greatest talk I have seen on TED so far...and I have seen almost a 100.....3 cheers from India
Great talk, Neil. Dealing with mental health seems to be a lone fight, sometimes. Happy to know that you talk about it openly and share your experience with others. That is brave.
Neil, thank you for sharing this metaphor. The more people that openly share personal experiences of mental illnesses, the less stigma they will carry. This is the first time that I've heard someone explain what I have been feeling my entire life so perfectly. I'm beginning to understand that people are patterns. One of my patterns (or cycles) is: Anxiety - Illness -Depression. It's exhausting. The exciting thing is that I can see that pattern. Now the challenge is to break it...
Thanks you ! Very inspiring :)
Anxiety is almost never talked about in our society, mental diseases like depression are barely talked about freely but anxiety is way too often underrated. Like you said, we are all struggling at some point with our own custard trap, putting on a "daily happy" mask making it pretty impossible to detect the pain people have to bear everyday. We need more talks like this to uncover the veil and learn to help each other reaching a more solid ground like you said.
Thanks again, I needed to hear that today ;)
poI
Thank you for your wise words, I agree, this was such a great talk. I wish you all the best and I will walk my way to solid ground and green grass together with you!
The subject matters are discussed quite a lot
A wonderful talk on a truly life-draining and tragic problem. Thank you Neil.
insightful! I really liked the part where he said that when you're triggered by something that makes you anxious, that's the time where you do something different like drink a glass of water, meditate, etc to get your brain to associate that trigger with something more positive!
Well done. It's refreshing to hear someone speak honestly and naturally. Healthcare professionals have tools, but the average person has the experience. I think we all want to relate and not feel like we're the only ones with a problem.
I loved this live and I still love it. Great talk mate.
I've watched a lot of these Anxiety videos on TedTalks and this is easily one my favourites. Great work Neil.
I was having an anxiety attack before going to sleep, came across this video and I feel calmer now. He is right about anxiety tiring us out, especially if you have physical problems as well. Main thing is to take awareness of your thought patters, and try to change your personality every single day. You will feel better at the end of day knowung you've put in the effort
Wolfie
Glad it helped you sleep
Funny and excellent. My anxiety is mostly based in physical sensations, too.
Yeah same.
Most of the time I don't even feel anxious but I feel heart racing and mind fog...
I agree, beautifully delivered. I wish you the best in your way to solid ground :) I also have physically sensations as the "base" for the feeling of anxiety. But I am sure we can make it all the way to the green grass ;)
Do you also have visions of yourself getting hurt or feeling bad. I have fear of death
What are physical sensations
@@AhmadTalkss some reactions that are felt physically like a drop in stomach or a stab in the heart...caused by anxiety
Incredibly clever guy I can tell. This really helps me, thank you.
Neil - I'm nearly through reading your book, and after working on myself for over a decade, I can say it's one of the best summaries of lots of different coping tools that I've ever read - and it's really funny too - Douglas Adams would be proud. I'm glad I found your work and I'm going to work on many of your suggestions. Thank you!
whats the book called? would love to read it!!
Within the first 2 minutes you perfectly captured and articulated my 12 year old son’s life with anxiety! Thank you for such a great video.
fantastic talk! Very insightful and really opened my eyes. Thank you!
Thank you for making me laugh, oh how I've missed laughing
I miss laughing too. I hope you're having a good life now
Taryn Nieves
I'm a hypochondriac and I fear death & I hate living this way. It's very exhausting & im only 20 yo. This helped!
P. T
Skydive, bungeejump, stand on the edge of a cliff. “Don’t fear dying, fear not living.” It is normal for humans to fear it though, but we will all die someday.
Mirza Masura same here! Do you feel this way often?
How are you now
Hello. I struggle with hipochondria too. I'm 18
Atleast you know you illness at 18 or 20 but I got to know it at 30. You start working on it, you will get over it.
he is such a cute human!
I thought the same thing and felt bad that I didn’t acknowledge how useful and knowledgeable his talk was first 😂
Thank you Neil looking forward to reading your book, " Walking on Custard & The Meaning of Life". 🙂🌸
This resonated. Thanks for sharing Neil!
I want to hug him ❤️ amazing speech !
Thank you so much for this wonderful talk. You're helping a lot of people here. Much love and appreciation. xx
Thanks for this Neil! I can absolutely relate. And I love that you mentioned neuroplasticity--it's a concept that is just fascinating to me. We CAN rewire our brains?!?!?!? Mind blown.
That was really brilliant. Especially about when negative thoughts come into your head over nothing. I do it constantly.. so now I'm going to try your advice about paying attention to the thought and breaking the habit.
This video made me happy, its so good! It's a relief to know we are not alone with our own problems. Life is all about learning..
Well, wow, thanks man, that was so good, funny, real and very helpful! I will share it! 🥰🙏🏼
Lovely!
Thank you so much. I will use your tip.
Great to see the TEDx Leamington Spa talks online at last and this is a great one. Well worth a watch for anyone who's ever felt the pangs of anxiety.
Thank you. I really needed this today. :)
Feel the fear, and do it anyway! Great book helped me immensely.
What you resist will persist.
Good Talk. Blessings.
Beyond Beauty69
Glad the book helped you.
Maybe this is off point but how is it so many Brits are so casually hilarious? Here he's talking heavy subjects like anxiety and suicide but it's kinda like watching stand-up... easy to see how he could keep his anxiety hidden, so happy for him that he's found healing and is sharing it with us.
Boy does this make so much scenes. Well done.👍❤️🙏
Finally got to watch it Neil! Great talk and concept for a really important topic.
Amazing. This needs to be seen by way more people
yes it's mindfulness meditation
Def gonna listen to this again. Great explanation about anxiety..
Absolutely brilliant - it totally made sense to me - thank you so much
This was very helpful as well as humorous. Thank you!!
Many good points to remember. Thank you😊
So good! Thanks for sharing this wisdom
Love it, I'm sharing this one!!
I have severe anxiety & relate to everything u say & ive been extremely depressed for so long. You made me laugh so hard during this 😂
- thank u
kara winston
How do you manage a livelihood and a home and food and daily regular living ?
don`t worry about, its just Steve
THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST VIDEOS I HAVE SEEN ABOUT DEALING WITH ANXIETY. I HAD PROBLEMS WITH IT FOR A WHILE NOW AND WHAT HE SAYS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE...
Thank you Neil.
Wonderful! Thank you so much
For years, I had been saving up to buy my first home. I lived with my mum while I saved, but when she died, I had to move out quickly. I could have afforded to buy a reasonable house, but my girlfriend invited me to live with her, which I did. We did look at a few houses together, and I chickened out of viewing some more. When I received some inheritance from my Mum a few months later, I was in a great position. I was overwhelmed with what I could afford. But a voice in my head told me to keep saving. Then, a couple of months later, I found out that my job may be moving from where it was, 25 miles from my girlfriend's, to nearer to hers. I convinced myself that I should wait until I knew where my job would be based before I bought somewhere (even though I realistically knew it would be moving). Before I found out where it was moving to, I got priced out of the market. I had seen the prices rising, but the 'voice' told me to keep saving, as I would be able to 'catch up' and afford the standard of house that I saw when I first inherited. Then my girlfriend dumped me, making me homeless.
It's only as I look back that I can see that I was suffering from anxiety. I'm indecisive, I overthink, I bite and pick my fingernails and the skin of my fingers. But if I had been asked if I had anxiety, I would have denied it. I didn't think 'I'm afraid of buying the wrong house, so I don't think I will try', but my brain concocted irrational excuses so that I wouldn't get in to anxiety inducing situations. I didn't even realise I was doing it.
The anxiety also warped my thinking. I 'forgot' that house prices generally increase, or at least I thought that if I saved as much as they were increasing by, then I was 'doing well'. But I didn't realise that for each month I didn't buy a house, I would eventually pay more for it when I did.
I now know that I was anxious about making a 'wrong' big decision. I've never had to make a 'big' decision in my life. All the 'big' changes have been forced upon me, and I haven't had many options to take. The realisation of this anxiety has really depressed me, as I realise how my life could have been so different if I had discovered it sooner. I had two long-term relationships and regret not marrying either of my partners. I was too anxious about making a 'wrong' decision by marrying one of them. While we were dating, as long as I didn't propose then I had the option of marrying, but once I had a proposal accepted, I could never 'go back' to how it was.
It's certainly true that anxiety is on a spectrum. One of my partners had anxiety, which I did research so that I could support her. Not once did I think that what I was reading applied to me.
It's certainly been an eye-opener and I so wish I could turn the clock back 5 years (or more) knowing what I know about myself now.
Brilliant!
Absolutely brilliant 😁💖💖💖
Great talk. Good pointers on changing thought reactions
Well done, Devious Custard ;)
Thank you!
Thank you for share your experience :)
This video has helped me a lot, thank you.
Going through the same and I started observing and deviating my mind from it, which isn't that easy but yes doable, it's an unpleasant mind game with an unwanted partner which we are forced to play 😎 I would like to escape it too!
Very insightful and inspiring talk, cheers mate
My entire persona is unfortunately ironic because I'm emotionally insecure but this video was actually solid. Thanks Ted xx
thank you ❤
Simonida Lazic what song is good for me to dedicate to my gf
Wow! I’m speechless
hi neil. just finished your book and gotta say it was great. i could really relate to it and its answered many of my questions. really big help towards relieving my anxiety. (the jokes did get a tad annoying though, have to agree with your inner critic lol!)
I love this!!! You are speaking for me :D We are the Custard Club!
Team Custard!!
WONDERFUL TALK
I have coped with this problem to and still do from time to time. Fear is the main driver, fear of being alone and dying lonely and not being loved by anybody or appreciated by anyone. I have been reaching breakthroughs lately and come to one conclusion.
We are not grounded and nobody(parents, teachers, physicians) seems to realize this is causing the anxiety, fear causing people to even do suicide. Our mind is ALWAYS on the run. Mindfullness is not the way, but is better than nothing, yoga, meditation, sports can help you improve the anxiety, but the underlying problem is never adressed. All these coping strategies can give some relief, but the grounding in this culture is totally neglected as our survival strategies are linked to using our brain to sustain ourselves in a material and economic way. almost immediately we force our children to prove their brain capacity or their body capacity(sports). We don't realize that this way will never give us any peace of life(not mind) peace of mind = stop worrying, but this is not good enough to give you a peacefull feeling which will last your entire life. The challenges in this highly competitive world where we even have to deserve the love of those who should be supposed to love us unconditionally(our parents) has to be gained as we feel their pressure to do our very best mentally and physically (school and sports) we feel unaccepted just being ourselves and realize that true unconditionnel love will not be in the cards and we will have to work hard mentally and physically to look the most beautifull and bright and physical as we can be
Sahi hai 👍
Fantastic...very well put. Wickedly funny
Thank you for your TED type talk. It was most inspiring and I feel better about myself now. I suffer from the custard march too, I was about to go back into the denial cycle as well. I have a choice in how I react, thank you for reminding me.
love this talk.. such a great take on it..and I love the bit about it being difficult and it gets worse before better as so many people stop when things feel worse.. I did.. and I'm glad I realised that it's normal for it to be difficult..but the pay offs are getting to actually feel alive xc
I absolutely loved this: the jokes, imagery, and the way anxiety was described. Great job
This really resonated with me right now - thank you so much for this.
AT LAST SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS WHATS GOING ON IN MY HEAD. next problem now l have to work out how to fix it
If it weren't for this talk, I would've been all the way in the custard. Thanks for giving me insight. Thanks for giving me the tools to fix myself.
Brilliant talk.
This was so good 😭
This talk was great! I could listen to him for hours! Funny and great examples to explain a very difficult subject.
Anyone else has spent *many* years in a custard trap?
I have anxiety for no reason for about a week . This sucks I just want to feel normal again
This too will pass - hang in there.
Sue Ridder thank you for you kind words
Same
Every point was relatable
Amazing Neil!! I loved it. Very well done!
Great talk and perspective using the custard lol the past two months have been bad for me personally but little by little I’m find more solid ground. Be kind and forgive yourself for any mistakes you may blame yourself for, take positive actions when times get hard! It’s crazy how the mind flips normal scenarios into distressing ones be strong guys 🤙🏼✨
Awesome lecture
Yes, very good, good description, good ways to proceed!
I like you alot dude you were so yourself n open and funny!
This is a top video guys
Fantastic
It really is a solo journey ❤️
awesome! Gd Bless!
Wish I was Rich.
I could have been a motivational speaker if it wasn't for my Anxiety and Depersonalisation disorders. Spend my days with regrets..
What a Life I lead
good and beautiful thanks my dear soul friend
Fantastic talk, really helpful.
Humour is my Passion 😇
Thank you🙏🏼 for you way of feeling...
Delicious 🤤 ❤️ 😋
Amazing talk Thanks!
enjoyed the talk-- thank you
Great talk for sure!
could you add spanish subs? i would really apreciate it!
Should do stand up comedy very funny as well as insightful and useful.
Despite having 3 lakh views why has this enlightening stuff got only 5k likes...