I agree. The magical challenge is then discovering how to use those 'cues for change' as they arrive in their many forms (disguised blessings), and act _within_ to dissolve the dark meaning or false belief at the core of issue; which appears to be controlled by 'the world' out there. The new leaf becomes turned over; reaching up to meet the light of life - and for a time, we are fulfilled.
So funny you said that, Ethereal Vixen. I just told my (grown) son that very same thing today, that Life is a mirror reflecting what we need to focus on and address ... your statement just validates that in the most synchronistic way 😂
she saved my life. I was on the brink of suicide when her videos popped up. she is such a genius with human emotions.... I hope the collective will catch up with her soon; she's so far ahead of her time.
it´s a loop : the same exact people that first raped and deathed you are the same exact people selling your reiki massages and narcist advice #Letthatsinkin!
I work with kids, what I've learned is whatever emotion they have like throwing a tantrum dont take it personally dont take their emotion. You are the one who sets the tone on how things should be and good things will follow. If you fall into getting angry or frustrated after that incident they will sense it and the day will spiral into more chaos and negativity. If you make sure you stay composed, let them have their emotions, dont take it as your own and move on with a positive attitude After they are done not holding grudges the day goes alot better and dosnt spiral into negativity or more tantrums. A similar thing can occur with relationships dont take on or reinforce negativity. You control how you feel
I have had a looooong healing journey and it's for life, I am autistic and adhd, I have always just automatically absorbed projections from everyone, im finally learning self protection. also I have been laying on acupressure mats every day for years now, that literally has been the ONLY WAY I survive existing, my high sensitivity is coming manageable for the first time in my life. I share all this because you probably already know, all the people who desperately need to do their shadowwork and heal their intergenerational trauma, still have not, and they continue to project their unprocessed shadow aspects onto children, even their own children. Those children then become the bearers of the new generation of that passed down traumas. I am healing mine. I will help everyone who wants it when I finish healing, because I know from my lived experience what is desperately needed for other neurodivergent people like me. Everyone deserves to not have to absorb negativity and have that dominate their entire lives for life. Far too many suffering alone, I want upward spirals of healing for people instead of the downward spirals into nearly inescapable darkness. I send Light to All🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
One of the most dangerous phenomena of human social psychology is how we initially feel awe, admiration, and inspiration when hearing someone speak confidently about a topic, regardless of whether it's truthful or not. Always question what you hear.
This is very true. I disagree with this one. A lot of times your bf might think you made them feel jealous and he punches you in your face just because you are wearing a new dress. Thoughts create feelings, not people. Feelings are very personal and it all depends on the interpretation you give to any event. What Teal Swan is saying here is actually the mentality in abusive relationships where children and women blame themselves for the way their families treat them and feel about them.
@@erdbeerzwiebel3404 Woah, you def. need to visit a psychologist. You are No one here to tell people to shut up. And people are Free to understand what they want.
Agree. Swan argument was flawed. To always think that people want to set us up all the time means we always throw our problem to other people because "they intend to set us up". 🙄
I think some people missed what her first words were: they will always “set you up” to feel the way they felt by you, not saying that you *end up* feeling the way you made them feel, but intentionally or unintentionally they attempt on reflecting that feeling back on you. it’s the fact that it gets attempted, and I believe it’s not only negative, but positive emotions as well.
That's why we want to date successful people, who are happy on their own. We know they will spread their energy all around and if it's a positive energy we're gonna feel good and give good energy back to them.
@@justineczarnobyl9987 exactly! I would seek out a relationship where the person is confident, ambitious and just 'out there' killing it. It makes me feel more confident and positive. And I'll try to achieve my best as well. I haven't been in a relationship yet, but I've always applied this in friendships and it turned out amazing! I became friends with confident and extroverted people who made me break out of my shell and now I'm more confident on my own :)
Since we own our feelings and choose how we feel, being set up, to me, only tells me how they're feeling. I keep my feelings the way I want them and then try to respond to them positivity so they feel heard and seen. In the end I think it's what we all really want.
There isn’t anything new in this. Adults behave the same way unless they have learnt emotional regulation. Children feel big emotions because they haven’t learnt the art of processing and responding. They only know how to react.
If a person’s negative emotions are unprovoked and unwarranted towards you, it’s best to let them stew in those emotions and not drag you down. The older you get, the more you’ll understand this.
Exactly I'm not in control of your feelings. Like the whole jealousy thing I'm good. A woman asked me was I pregnant. I never gave her any type of idea that I could be. But she was trying to tear me down. However I looked damn good that day and her one opinion would never have me giving a crap bout her feelings.
Hello dear let me refer you to the powerful relationship restorer, spiritualist who helped me get my partner back again with more love and commitment he can also help you and bless your life perfectly ❤️💖...,.,::
Love it how she says you make solutions based on your feelings, IF you want to resolve a conflict. Just remember, you don't have to be friends with everyone.
When my two children were each two years old, they threw their one and only tantrum in the middle of the mall. I got in the mall floor and acted just like them. They stopped and I told them that if they don't embarrass me, I won't embarrass them. The crowd around me clapped. Never had any other problems with temper tantrums.
"For all you know, you could be walking into the room wearing something gorgeous and somebody could feel jealous. You made them feel jealous, right? Well, now they're going to do something to make you feel jealous." No. Absolutely not. YOU did not make them jealous. I think a better way to explain this theoretical scenario would be the following: For all you know, you could walk into a room wearing something gorgeous and somebody could get jealous. Their own insecurities have caused them to feel jealous and they are now going to project that insecurity onto you in an attempt to rob you of the self confidence that you have (and they lack), thus "evening the playing ground". If someone is showing signs of jealousy towards you, of course you can empathize with them but please do not take ownership of someone else's insecurity. That is their own responsibility.
Thank you! I’m not changing my ways to make them feel comfortable. They have work on growing. I feel bad that they are like that but they have to do the work to change their life.
Beautifully put👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I believe her intentions are good however, the way she explains it in the video can give some people a sense of entitlement to "put people down" just because they feel like it, instead of working on themselves and be better.
If you’re wearing a nice dress and that makes someone else feel jealous… you didn’t make them feel jealous. That’s a reflection of something going on inside of them.
Exactly if you're wearing a new dress and walk into a room filled with people everyone is gonna have a different thought process. Some are gonna like it, some are gonna be jealous, some are not. This is very very generalized
Right? And if they're jealous of you, it's not your responsibility to make them feel better, so why do we need to make a "solution" for them? They need to assess their own feelings and address it themselves. Only they know themselves.
@@frumpyhairdontcare5253 I was looking for this comment!!! How is your feelings my fault! I didn't go out of my way to make you feel some type of way... I'm just wearing this outfit cuz I like it and maybe I feel cute in it
I think the point this is getting at is to encourage connectivity rather than disconnecting from people. If you can acknowledge and assist, why not do so? It can be difficult but it's possible. She's not saying you're responsible for someone's negative feelings but is basically saying that cause and effect exists, and as do resolutions to create peace. Simple as that. By essentially saying "that person is playing the victim/is victim to their own feelings", it sounds like your own buried victim mentality is defending itself and like you're trying to ensure you aren't put in the position of being/seeming like the bad guy (which isn't what she's saying either). Good and bad is irrelevant here, we're talking about problem solving and finding resolutions by reflecting in on oneself to help another. You don't have to, you don't have to do anything ever, but it's nice to be nice.
@James Buckingham For someone with only 3 subscribers (and zero videos), you sure are full of yourself - you make some very *bold* claims. Where's the backing for those claims?? I'd like to 'see' you surpass Teal on _any_ sort of wisdom... (other than your hot-air claims, that is)...
@James Buckingham the arrogance is so OFFPUTTING...if she touches a HEART...let it happen..people are all learning and evolving at different rates...ONE LOVE ❤ ✌
She talks like its always the case but that's not true. It also depends on many other factors. Like how big is your self-esteem or your self-confidence at the moment. That can make you withstand what the other tries to push on you. How they feel.
If another person tries to make you feel bad and you try to resist that push... Then you are not necessarily self confident. Because you are fighting the other, you resist, so they do have power over you and you try to overpower them back. With that you are doing exactly what she said, the other person makes you feel uncomfortable so you push back to make them feel uncomfortable. If you truly have the "self esteem that you are talking about, then there is nothing left inside you to resist. There is no anger, no fear, no inadequacy, nothing that needs to defend itself... Then the other person can rage at you, curse you, blame you and all that you give back is compassion.
If you make them sad and angry that because its your fault, if your joking arround ut if theyre jelouse than its their fault sometimes your parents get mad you didnt get an A at school those parent can die painfully
I think she means that behavior can be seen to be inténded to make you feel xyz. So with the jealousy example, you look gorgeous and the other person starts bragging to you. Maybe that didnt make you feel jealous but you can think ''aha! maybe theyre intimidated by me and now trying (and succeding or failing, doesnt matter) to make me feel that too''
A child throwing a fit only makes you feel what they feel (powerless in that example) if you haven’t done the work on yourself to process your own unhealed childhood powerlessness. A child throwing a fit when you’ve processed your pain can also make you feel strong, in control, assertive, nurturing, and like you have the power to remain peaceful and calm so the child can see you in your true power and feel safe.
As a second mom to my siblings, throwing a fit doesn’t phase me or my mother. Point being my siblings don’t throw fits because it will get them ignored and/or laughed at. I also only respond to them when they speak English to me, no baby talk/silent gestures/whining … people be letting they kids run the house
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 ignoring children when they are upset is the worst one can do. It will cause them to be overwhelmed by whatever they are feeling (anger, sadness, frustration, ...) and lead to them growing into people that aren't able to handle their emotions properly, if at all, as they were never able to learn how. Always ask them why
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 Nobody said to ignore your child, they’re saying to handle the situation in a calm matter. The choices should never be between abuse or neglect. There’s actual parenting. Hopefully when you’re old enough to have your own babies, you’ll understand that.
Ya I don't agree with this woman either...if I make you jealous when I walk in a room and you're attempting to make me jealous just because you got jealous when I walked in.. that's not me who needs to change and acknowledge emotions, that's their own fault for acting like a child.
The point made about people setting up others to express how they feel is interesting. But, you can’t make people feel anything for the most part. Jealously comes from a individual’s insecurities that are based on a accumulation of negative experiences that’s been collected over time.
I don't think that was her point tho, I think she was just saying that all ppl feel emotions based off of external influences or factors that get processed thru one's own mind & perspective that gets formed thru experiences like u mentioned, mostly in early childhood & stuff, & that one of those factors is other ppl, including urself, & that the more ur aware of that the more u'll be able to easily understand ppl & navigate situations easier
agreed. She could have worded this differently, no1 can make any1 feel or think anything. However I do agree that given emotional data, if you value the relationship or want to navigate the situation in a mature way, the approach she's given CAN work.
@@ruthh3496 yes, i agree. You will be able to navigate social situations easier if you're aware. But is it your problem if someone is jealous of you? Or your obligation to find a solution because they're immature, insecure, or can't check their own emotions? And what's the deal with comparing a child's emotional situation with an adults? Those are two very different things, or at least should be. Are you affected the same by fear, regret, or happiness as an adult the same way you were as a child? The emotion is the same, but the personal reaction and reflex is different, or should be. If not, then you haven't experienced anything in life and you're still a child.
I was following Teal for some time a couple of years ago and sort of drifted away. I'm not sure why. Wasn't the right time, maybe. Anyway, I'm back now and much better for it. Teal is a neverending fountain of beauty, warmth and wisdom.
The most important part of this video was said quickly. "If you want to resolve a conflict, all you have to do is figure out how you feel so you can figure out how they feel and then create your solution based off those emotions."
I do not agree at all. For example I can be in love with somebody and they not love me back. No matter what I do for that person to convince them to love me that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to feel the same way about me. I can give you a million reasons on why this Theory does not work be from the fact that everyone is different with the way they react and emotions they have.
@@carloscamacho1893 she never said you can control how people feel, she said you can resolve conflicts if you understand those factors, and where their feelings are coming from. I think you misunderstood entirely. If someone doesn't love you back, you can resolve that by leaving. 😆
This is brilliant! I would add one more thing to this: it doesn’t have to be how YOU specifically made someone feel. It could be spill over from another situation with another person. Parents can take out their issues with each other on their kids, and vice versa.
YES!!! They come into the room and still have that lingering emotion from what either just happened and you weren’t a witness of, or something unresolved they may have stuffed away and perhaps YOU are that safe person they can let it out with… dumping on you… or ‘lashing out’ at you. So what I am hearing from this video is to try to plug into my emotions and figure out: what am I feeling? And are these ‘my’ feelings or those around me? And then ‘how can I regulate?’ And ‘how can I co-regulate aka - work/model to the other what regulation looks like’.
I don’t really get it. When interacting with people in real, I never project my actual feelings. I always wear a happy, positive, and energetic façade. It’s not meant as deception, it was a survival thing I developed as a child, and it stuck.
@@CLAUDIALAMY she said that consciously or unconsciously we treat a person who does something to us the same way in return. Sorry if i didn't explain it well. But that's what I took out of this snippet.
This also applies to positive emotions. If someone does something amazing for someone, you typically see the person smothering them with “thank you” and trying to give them money. People want people to feel the same emotions, positive or negative.
@@ameliaunderwood9534 lol insane? Like she thinks the underwear gnomes and the fairies are going to steal her cheese and send secret messages to her in her oatmeal? I doubt that very much.
I partially agree. I feel this is only half true. Because It isnt always necessarily how you made them feel. They could be carrying that emotion from someone or somewhere else and projecting it onto you and trying to make you feel how they feel (like she said) . My point is, i dont agree with her when she says that how they feel is necessarily always caused by you but i do agree on the part that they are trying to make you feel how they feel.
This is absolutely true. Like someone being maybe mad about work, then stuck in horrible traffic, they're hungry, so they get home and snap at their spouse about dinner not being ready, when really they had a horrible day at work
I love this! It’s true! I’m learning to recognize what emotions are mine and what is being put out by others. It helps me to distinguish what emotions to release because they are not mine to begin with.🤔❤️
Emotional intelligence is considered to be one of the most important intelligences. Can have ton of knowledge in a general sense, but without an adequate understanding of emotional intelligence, given uncomfortable/pressure factors and without stress skills and emotional intelligence, all that vast knowledge (in a general sense) will go right out the window for the most part
This is sooo true. I've learned as an adult that I have basically NO coping skills or emotional intelligence and learned horrible, horrible communication and interpersonal skills yet always was an above average student and consider myself fairly intelligent. Its a constant battle to learn how to adult.
I love this. It may not be the case in every situation, but it's always a good practice to think about how you're feeling and how the other person is feeling.
Amazing analogy!! Simple explanation to understand the other person's emotion.. once u understand the emotion the next step is to understand their trigger/situation to find a resolution.
Beautifully stated! It's something I'm sure we all need to hear a couple hundred or a couple thousand times for that information to soak in, sink in, process & to apply it
The ultimate life hack. Since living in the law of attraction, this has really been a pivotal lesson in my life. And now I'm seeing a bright future for myself rather than one full of suffering. Thank you for making this so understandable
If I walk into a room wearing a gorgeous outfit and a person feels jealous, then I know I must look fantastic. I would absolutely feel great not jealous back.
She never said it would make you feel jealous. She said the jealous person would then do something to make you feel jealous. In a relationship, a person is much more likely to know that will make you feel jealous. It's the emotion that's the link between two people, not the act.
@@ANGIE-up1tv it's not the same thing. What she means is that they would try to make you jealous but she isn't saying that they will be successful in making you feel that way.
@@karlamfh835 Yes same thing. Only an insecure, critical believer in one's self worth would try to do something back at me to make me feel jealous because someone took a look at me and felt jealous. I can look in the mirror and love who is looking back at me. This whole topic is stupid.
I don’t make people feel jealous, they choose to feel jealous. I can look the same way walking around all day and maybe only 1 person will get jealous. This is their personal problem. I may not even be aware of it when or if they TRY to make me feel jealous in return. My state of mind and emotions will help me to also feel jealous or not jealous at all. This doesn’t work for me but I guess others are relating to it. Too many people play head games and I don’t have time for it. I’m happy and healthy in my emotional state so it can be difficult to get stuck on other peoples negative emotions.
But I don't think anyone choses to be jealous tho that's why jealous ppl I think get upset because no one likes that feeling.. That's y some ppl try to make u feel it bk.. Make u feel as insecure as they do. Other than that I agree with this statement
I am not a jealous person, so I am happy for others when they are blessed. I guess that upsets people because I don't follow to fit in. I am who I am and really enjoy helping others. Strong personality and good at a lot of things, so people want me there for them, but can't reciprocate.
100% . That's THEIR insecurity. I don't like this clip. It absolves an individual of their personal responsibility. Oh, 'you MADE someone abuse you?' Naw..nope. You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. The. Actions. Of. Others👏👏👏 this is nonsense.
I don’t get that though using the example she gave about looking amazing and making someone else feel jealous why should I acknowledge their feelings? if they are CHOOSING to feel jealous I'd personally feel indifferent I don't have the time or energy to validate someone by acknowledging their jealousy if they have the capability to feel jealous then they should also have the ability to work on their self-esteem I shouldn't have to react/reflect to anyone's emotions be it positive or negative as a person with free will I get to choose how I feel towards someone and choosing to not react at all is also valid.
@@Kozy894 i was talking about people in some sort of relationship . If you care about someone you would want to know about their feelings . I don't think we can control our negative feelings and voicing them to the people we love is far different from expressing a point of you . You are just seeking to be seeing and it requires an amount of vulnerability which create trust and understanding.
@@Kozy894 we don't choose to feel anything, emotions and feelings aren't choices we make. You can choose to repress those feelings but you still have feelings about things with no control over it
Open minded in a wellspring of unconditional love and happiness. Give more than you receive because what you receive is plenty in it's simplicity. From this world we leave as we came. Yet we don't have to leave but man's not ready for that conversation.
The hard part is realizing and rationalizing in real time. Most times I figure out the best conflict resolution only after the interaction, and the increasing gap in time makes going back to the person to make ammends (or clear up what you thought made the tension, whether there were actually a tension or it's all just in your overthinking brain's interpretation) more awkward.
So true about the children. I was tired living my life. Everything was looking black and white. I never like kids but fate worked better. I had to work in a kindergarten. It was then I realized feeling their excitement of learning new things, of telling their stories and when they are playing also make me excited. I was so happy. Yes, kids are not easy to handle but learn and you'll be able to get all the positive energy from them. During that time colours start to come back in my life. It was a fun time. It was then I knew the reason I'm tired was because I made myself mingle with energy sucking people.
When one of my children are "throwing a fit" it does not make me feel powerless in the slightest, in fact it's the opposite, as I take that opportunity to speak to them in a calm manner to help them change their vibration. They can go from crying to laughing in seconds from the power of my words and actions, that is not being powerless. Also you cannot make people feel any emotion, that is down to the actual being choosing that themselves. If someone walked into a room in nice shoes it's up to me to decide how I feel about that, I can choose to feel jealous or I can appreciate the shoes, or feel completely indifferent, it is totally my choice.
I don't get jealous at all if someone has new stuff or better than me. Instead I'm appreciative!!! SO, U ARE RIGHT. IT DEPENDS TO WHO U ARE. WHAT U CHOOSE TO DO. ITS U, UR ATTITUDE AND PERSONALITY.
This women is so intelligent it’s unbelievable !!!! There’s not to many people let alone females that I can listen to an actually learn from!!! Watching her videos have made me a better Human/Man/Spirit!!!! She is a blessing to this world!!!!! 🙏🏽
I have this saying or motto I am only in control of my own reactions and emotions. No one else, so if I choose to be mad, hurt, angry… it’s because I choose to be not you. Once you can learn this things become so much clearer and relationships easier but only if the person is self aware of their own reactions.
This takes away personal responsibility. You still have a choice to do something or not. Feelings aren't always the best source of reason or judgement.
Yeah she seems to be talking more to women than men because most of the time, men don't have the luxury to act on their emotions particularly when they are surrounded by people that do.
I wish that I could have found you much sooner than I did, I am here and I am learning so much about the things that I have been going through, and the way that the people that have been trying to find a way to keep me from being able to be the one that I am here to be.... Blessings to you 💖✨🥰💞💕
If you want to resolve conflict: Figure out how you feel, realize that’s how you’re making them feel, then make your solution based off those emotions specifically
This sounds like a very circular reasoning. I walked into a room waering a gorgeous outfit and I made you feel jealous? No you're petty you feel jealous because you're petty and I'm not responsible for how you feel but if everyone follows this logic everyone is chasing a ghost this person made me feel this way so that must be my fault ? And how do I fix it? Yeah thanks no thanks
No sorry I don't feel powerless if my little one is having a fit I'll bring her to a quite place and tell her she can have all the fit she wants but she's not going to disturb everyone else (at the dinner table for example) and that when she's ready to come back we'll all be there
@@matsauvagea it's not about taking responsibility for how others feel, it's about recognizing that if somebody is lashing out at you or throwing a fit or being petty, they're actually communicating to you how they feel without explicitly saying "I'm jealous" or "I'm angry" or what have you. If you can start to recognize that people's behavior towards you is actually about them and *not* you, you become able to detach yourself from your own knee jerk reactions and start a dialogue instead.
Perfectly said. I hope everyone paid very close attention and remember the very last part... If so, Humanity could make a huge leap in spiritual, emotional, personal and social maturity.
Lmfap I don't know what planet you're on but it's way more fucked up than what you think it is, most people know the surface 10 percent of how fucked up everything is and I mean EVERYTHING
I love this.. it creates deep thought for sure. My husbands saying has always been “I can’t MAKE you feel anything”. In reality it’s true. Like the saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. So anyway I’m stuck on that , that we own our own perceptions and emotions. Etc. idk 🤷🏼♀️
This is usually said by mental and psychological abusers after saying something demeaning, controlling or hurtful. Its a grooming technique as well. This type of information can be discussed or explained by a professional but if your partner or any significant person in your life is saying it to you after treating you a certain way right before then don't believe it. We feel each emotion for specific reasons but noone has the right other than yourself to tell you whether and how they effect you.
Something here doesn't add up... Like... Who is the one setting the other up? Me or the other person? If I'm feeling a certain way is it because of myself or because the other person wants me to feel that way? What was the dominant emotion anyway? An indicator could be that my mood changes while there is another person in the room I'm dealing with. But still, I can't be a 100% sure, can I? And then there's people who are just way less empathetic than others. They won't mirror emotions as much. I'm not convinced that this approach is helpful during most conflicts. You'll end up talking yourself into feeling or sensing things that aren't really there.
Teal Swan carries herself as some sort of spiritual teacher or psychologist when she doesn’t have any formal teaching on the matter. She bugs me because her stuff is so BS and just because of how she carries herself, people eat it up.
Choosing the way you want to feel is your choice . being offended or not is a choice. everything we want to feel is a choice. It's all on how we control our emotions and empathize with others. we all have different feelings and ideas that we could agree and disagree .we can't control the way some people feel. Sometimes it's best to let it go. I hope that makes sense.
@@allisonvega8025 Your comment is actually much better advise. Thoughts and emotions are just permanently computed by the brain and swept onto the shores of our consciousness. To develop the skill to consciously accept or reject certain emotions or thoughts is much more helpful than trying to track down their source.
@@allisonvega8025 it’s crazy how wrong your first comment is. You can’t control how you feel you can control what you do about it. If u get mad and then say no I’m not. Yes you are. You just chose not to stay there. The initial feeling can not be controlled. It’s what happens after where control begins. And where do u draw the line. For example where’s the line between someone’s too sensitive and someone else’s too aggressive? Is the weather too cold or you’re just accustomed to warmer climates. Humans are far too complicated to get a one answer fits all in terms of WHY we do what we do. Case in point when my son throws a tantrum i don’t feel powerless. I establish that feeling a way is one thing but tantrums aren’t an effective method of dealing with said emotions. You’re reasoning for actions, mine and hers are all different and THAT should be the focus.
@@Feywildd just looked her up and read this: “Teal Swan is an American spiritual teacher. Swan's teachings on how to manage mental health issues have often been described as unconventional and potentially hazardous and has received criticism for how she attracts fans” Did not know this, I’ve been following her thinking she was some type of qualified therapist! My own fault! Think how many others she’s sucking in. She comes across with such confidence that you have no reason to doubt her, that’s why I started following. Thanks for that info!
That sounds like a lot of work for me to do when I didn’t intentionally started anything, the other person can suck it up and figured out a way to deal with their insecurities
If I feel great wearing a nice dress, and someone feels jealous, actually that is their choice and their problem. How am I supposed to know, oh I look and feel great but I better not wear it because someone may feel jealous. Nope I don't think so. I did not do that purposely, so I won't be aware she's or he is jealous.
I have Teal in my life since 2014 and I thought I heard it all but nope .. she continues to remind me of things I forgot I learnt .. it’s amazing but we humans need a lot to learn and evolve. We need repetition and reminders ❤️
Water leak out of pipe, patch fix leak now water come out right hole at end instead of wrong hole in middle. Such amazing. Very wow. 🤦🏼♀️ 2 million years of human problem solving and we still falling for this self-help BS lol.
Not if you are solely responsible for monitoring that outburst, as you would be in a situation with a child. It's called parenting. But you're right, most people aren't good at that.
@@myname-mz3lo if you allow yourself to be set up it amounts to the same thing. Last time I heard, adults are free to accept or reject positions others would put them in.
My emotions are only based on my experiences, not others. If I feel one way, and assume that's how someone else feels, that's purely subjective assumption not based on truth. Communicating is how conflict is resolved, not assuming or changing our (not toxic) behavior to make someone else feel better. I'm not going to change my gorgeous outfit just because someone else is jealous. If they are jealous, that is a them problem and a maturity/insecurity issue.
I don’t think that is the point, she never said she changed her clothes, she allows that other person to feel that jealousy, she just changes her perspective.
@@Ana-ty8sl yes and I think most people who are jealous of you try to make you feel bad about yourself. In that instance .. When they try to make you feel bad about yourself it's how they actually feel about themselves.. So it's always good not to take anything personally.
I needed to hear this. It really makes so much sense. Having a hard time in my current relationship. Admitting that I may be sabotaging it because I feel less than is hard to admit. Time to make things right and grow up. ❤
I think a fundamental flaw of this theory is that it relies on: A) Every person in the conflict knows precisely how they feel about the situation, B) Which can then be used as an accurate gauge for every other person, as every person is operating from an average “healthy” mental and emotional state wherein no emotions or behaviors will be skewed by development, instability, disorder, or sickness. I would hazard a guess that this theory could potentially work out about 65% of the time.
I understand all except the last bit. Sometimes you don’t even know what their problem is with you, it’s unprovoked & unwarranted… you can’t deal with them lunatics by reasoning with them. Though going by my habit I still try to talk sense into them. but to no avail. Then again you realise that reasoning with irrational folks, doesn’t make them any less irrational.. it makes you less smarter overtime.
I agree with you 100%. It's not my problem if someone is jealous of me. They have to learn to get over it and at times everyone has feelings of jealousy of someone else, the thing is how you treat people because of it, is the important thing.
What you're doing right now is called "punctuation" in systemic communication theory. You're taking a complex situation and creating a linear causal relationship: _"she_ is causing _me_ suffering because _she_ is irrational". It misses the other part of the equation, which is _your_ responses and how they are impacting _her's._ Swan is saying that relationship dynamics express circular causality (not linear). It's not possible to boil the whole relationship down to one causal factor (one person), and therefore your solution has to take this into account, i.e. you have to work just as much on _your own_ responses and reactions, _your own_ contribution to the relationship, as the other person. You have to establish a type of communication that addresses this point and start working from both ends. For example, if you get irritated because somebody is acting irritated, you can ask them "I'm irritated - am I irritating you?", to which they will probably respond "yes", in which case you can find a solution that acknowledges both perspectives.
OMG this is so spot on. I mean I agree with like 80% of what she saying but the problem is then she dives off the deep end and pretends like we're actually supposed to understand why a person's acting like a douchebag. The point she made in the beginning outweighs the point she made in the end. Children, keyword being children act that way adults should have developed a maturity to verbalize or find other ways to communicate how they feel. But at the same time this is only a very short clip so I'm hoping that she has a more conclusive explanation of what she's trying to say.
@@ursilaminor6447 It's really simple: relationship dynamics don't follow linear causality (A => B), but rather it's circular (A B), so your conflict solving strategies have to be a reflection of that.
PERFECT! Ive always said to my women... "Im a mirror for you. If Im mad its because you mad me mad. If Im happy you made me happy. Just look at me & you'll see yourself."
Nobody has the power to make anybody feel anything. That is one of the major problems blaming other people for how you feel or what you do or what you say. Be accountable for your own emotional reactions and well-being.
Exactly. How can i blame others for my emotions or be blamed by theirs? It's BS. So if i arrive home and my husband is angry because he had an issue with his boss, and makes my life a living hell, making me upset, should i go scream to my husband's boss, or maybe tell him to be mature enough to acknowledge his feelings and stop making everybody miserable ?
Until two years ago, I would have felt that she’s wrong about how to “deal” with such situations as it’s not my responsibility to take care of someone else’s emotions and they should be mature enough to deal with it themselves (which is true in some situations). But after dating my boyfriend, I realized that because he loves and cares for me so much that he would be attentive towards my reaction or feelings about a particular thing he does and I didn’t like. But only because I was vocal about how I felt, he understood, so this has to go both ways. It’s not fair to make someone else feel jealous or depressed because you are. Even if it’s because of them.
Nicely put, the older I get the more I realize how this world really is just a huge mirror reflecting everything back to you
Hello
I agree. The magical challenge is then discovering how to use those 'cues for change' as they arrive in their many forms (disguised blessings), and act _within_ to dissolve the dark meaning or false belief at the core of issue; which appears to be controlled by 'the world' out there.
The new leaf becomes turned over; reaching up to meet the light of life - and for a time, we are fulfilled.
@@PeterAcrat that was poetic 🤍🙏🏼
So funny you said that, Ethereal Vixen. I just told my (grown) son that very same thing today, that Life is a mirror reflecting what we need to focus on and address ... your statement just validates that in the most synchronistic way 😂
@@siadawn lol! Im glad it resonated :)
she saved my life. I was on the brink of suicide when her videos popped up. she is such a genius with human emotions.... I hope the collective will catch up with her soon; she's so far ahead of her time.
ditto here.... I love her
it´s a loop : the same exact people that first raped and deathed you are the same exact people selling your reiki massages and narcist advice #Letthatsinkin!
AGREE 💯
Amen to that
Same love her.
I work with kids, what I've learned is whatever emotion they have like throwing a tantrum dont take it personally dont take their emotion. You are the one who sets the tone on how things should be and good things will follow. If you fall into getting angry or frustrated after that incident they will sense it and the day will spiral into more chaos and negativity. If you make sure you stay composed, let them have their emotions, dont take it as your own and move on with a positive attitude After they are done not holding grudges the day goes alot better and dosnt spiral into negativity or more tantrums. A similar thing can occur with relationships dont take on or reinforce negativity. You control how you feel
Exactly. I disengage.
I have had a looooong healing journey and it's for life, I am autistic and adhd, I have always just automatically absorbed projections from everyone, im finally learning self protection. also I have been laying on acupressure mats every day for years now, that literally has been the ONLY WAY I survive existing, my high sensitivity is coming manageable for the first time in my life.
I share all this because you probably already know, all the people who desperately need to do their shadowwork and heal their intergenerational trauma, still have not, and they continue to project their unprocessed shadow aspects onto children, even their own children. Those children then become the bearers of the new generation of that passed down traumas.
I am healing mine.
I will help everyone who wants it when I finish healing, because I know from my lived experience what is desperately needed for other neurodivergent people like me. Everyone deserves to not have to absorb negativity and have that dominate their entire lives for life. Far too many suffering alone, I want upward spirals of healing for people instead of the downward spirals into nearly inescapable darkness.
I send Light to All🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Easier said than done.
Well said!
Omg best advice ever at the right time! Thank you so much! You just help someone 🙏❤️
One of the most dangerous phenomena of human social psychology is how we initially feel awe, admiration, and inspiration when hearing someone speak confidently about a topic, regardless of whether it's truthful or not. Always question what you hear.
This is very true. I disagree with this one. A lot of times your bf might think you made them feel jealous and he punches you in your face just because you are wearing a new dress. Thoughts create feelings, not people.
Feelings are very personal and it all depends on the interpretation you give to any event. What Teal Swan is saying here is actually the mentality in abusive relationships where children and women blame themselves for the way their families treat them and feel about them.
@@VioletFlame-Ivy
Shut up.
Dont project your problems on other situations.
Obviously you understood absolutely nothing.
@@erdbeerzwiebel3404 Woah, you def. need to visit a psychologist. You are No one here to tell people to shut up. And people are Free to understand what they want.
100% agree. This is circular reasoning that is flawed.
Agree. Swan argument was flawed.
To always think that people want to set us up all the time means we always throw our problem to other people because "they intend to set us up". 🙄
I think some people missed what her first words were: they will always “set you up” to feel the way they felt by you, not saying that you *end up* feeling the way you made them feel, but intentionally or unintentionally they attempt on reflecting that feeling back on you. it’s the fact that it gets attempted, and I believe it’s not only negative, but positive emotions as well.
That's why we want to date successful people, who are happy on their own. We know they will spread their energy all around and if it's a positive energy we're gonna feel good and give good energy back to them.
@@justineczarnobyl9987 exactly! I would seek out a relationship where the person is confident, ambitious and just 'out there' killing it. It makes me feel more confident and positive. And I'll try to achieve my best as well.
I haven't been in a relationship yet, but I've always applied this in friendships and it turned out amazing! I became friends with confident and extroverted people who made me break out of my shell and now I'm more confident on my own :)
@@justineczarnobyl9987 definitely !!
Since we own our feelings and choose how we feel, being set up, to me, only tells me how they're feeling. I keep my feelings the way I want them and then try to respond to them positivity so they feel heard and seen. In the end I think it's what we all really want.
There isn’t anything new in this. Adults behave the same way unless they have learnt emotional regulation. Children feel big emotions because they haven’t learnt the art of processing and responding. They only know how to react.
If a person’s negative emotions are unprovoked and unwarranted towards you, it’s best to let them stew in those emotions and not drag you down. The older you get, the more you’ll understand this.
Perfectly said
It took me years to figure this out!
Exactly I'm not in control of your feelings. Like the whole jealousy thing I'm good. A woman asked me was I pregnant. I never gave her any type of idea that I could be. But she was trying to tear me down. However I looked damn good that day and her one opinion would never have me giving a crap bout her feelings.
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Love it how she says you make solutions based on your feelings, IF you want to resolve a conflict. Just remember, you don't have to be friends with everyone.
When my two children were each two years old, they threw their one and only tantrum in the middle of the mall. I got in the mall floor and acted just like them. They stopped and I told them that if they don't embarrass me, I won't embarrass them. The crowd around me clapped. Never had any other problems with temper tantrums.
😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 🎉 🎯 Right, treat ppl how you want to be treated!! The Golden Rule. Teach them early!! ❤️❤️❤️
That's genius! ❤
I am surprised two-year-olds can even get embarrassed?
I saw that advert on tv too 😂
czcams.com/video/6v3wYEnYKrs/video.html
"For all you know, you could be walking into the room wearing something gorgeous and somebody could feel jealous. You made them feel jealous, right? Well, now they're going to do something to make you feel jealous."
No. Absolutely not. YOU did not make them jealous. I think a better way to explain this theoretical scenario would be the following:
For all you know, you could walk into a room wearing something gorgeous and somebody could get jealous. Their own insecurities have caused them to feel jealous and they are now going to project that insecurity onto you in an attempt to rob you of the self confidence that you have (and they lack), thus "evening the playing ground".
If someone is showing signs of jealousy towards you, of course you can empathize with them but please do not take ownership of someone else's insecurity. That is their own responsibility.
Well explained
100% agreed
Facts!
Thank you! I’m not changing my ways to make them feel comfortable. They have work on growing. I feel bad that they are like that but they have to do the work to change their life.
Beautifully put👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
I believe her intentions are good however, the way she explains it in the video can give some people a sense of entitlement to "put people down" just because they feel like it, instead of working on themselves and be better.
i am in middle school and i have a friend who makes me very happy, she is the highlight of my day, so i do everything in my power to make her happy 💖
Awesome 👍 rember always love your self and believe in yourself!!!
How do they make you happy? What happens when you stop making them happy?? Yea?!
Wow I really appreciate that, I love to hear perspectives that have never entered my mind before.
Damn, that helped me with my own self growth… I’ve been doing this unintentionally my whole life 🥺
If you’re wearing a nice dress and that makes someone else feel jealous… you didn’t make them feel jealous. That’s a reflection of something going on inside of them.
Exactly if you're wearing a new dress and walk into a room filled with people everyone is gonna have a different thought process. Some are gonna like it, some are gonna be jealous, some are not. This is very very generalized
Right? And if they're jealous of you, it's not your responsibility to make them feel better, so why do we need to make a "solution" for them? They need to assess their own feelings and address it themselves. Only they know themselves.
@@frumpyhairdontcare5253 I was looking for this comment!!! How is your feelings my fault! I didn't go out of my way to make you feel some type of way... I'm just wearing this outfit cuz I like it and maybe I feel cute in it
This!!
I think the point this is getting at is to encourage connectivity rather than disconnecting from people. If you can acknowledge and assist, why not do so? It can be difficult but it's possible. She's not saying you're responsible for someone's negative feelings but is basically saying that cause and effect exists, and as do resolutions to create peace. Simple as that. By essentially saying "that person is playing the victim/is victim to their own feelings", it sounds like your own buried victim mentality is defending itself and like you're trying to ensure you aren't put in the position of being/seeming like the bad guy (which isn't what she's saying either). Good and bad is irrelevant here, we're talking about problem solving and finding resolutions by reflecting in on oneself to help another. You don't have to, you don't have to do anything ever, but it's nice to be nice.
I feel the way that she feels when she made me feel that I felt what she feels about that feeling.
Sea glass: 😂. She lost me by the last bit. Who’s on first?
@@randyweisbin9605 what's on first!
That's exactly how I "felt" trying to figure out what the heck she was saying. Lol
LOL
Lmfaoooo same
Boom. It's that idea of reciprocation. Reaction from hurt feelings we cant even acknowledge
I think this is brilliant. Wow. I just want to listen to this on loop until it is ingrained in my brain. 💜👌🏻
She is so underrated.. boost her.. 🔥
🤞🏾🤞🏾
@Saerdna Vokram why?
@James Buckingham For someone with only 3 subscribers (and zero videos), you sure are full of yourself - you make some very *bold* claims. Where's the backing for those claims?? I'd like to 'see' you surpass Teal on _any_ sort of wisdom... (other than your hot-air claims, that is)...
@James Buckingham the arrogance is so OFFPUTTING...if she touches a HEART...let it happen..people are all learning and evolving at different rates...ONE LOVE ❤ ✌
@James Buckingham lol shut up no ones gonna read that
She talks like its always the case but that's not true. It also depends on many other factors. Like how big is your self-esteem or your self-confidence at the moment. That can make you withstand what the other tries to push on you. How they feel.
Critical thought is not allowed, she’s supposed to be 100% right lol.
If another person tries to make you feel bad and you try to resist that push... Then you are not necessarily self confident. Because you are fighting the other, you resist, so they do have power over you and you try to overpower them back.
With that you are doing exactly what she said, the other person makes you feel uncomfortable so you push back to make them feel uncomfortable.
If you truly have the "self esteem that you are talking about, then there is nothing left inside you to resist. There is no anger, no fear, no inadequacy, nothing that needs to defend itself... Then the other person can rage at you, curse you, blame you and all that you give back is compassion.
If you make them sad and angry that because its your fault, if your joking arround
ut if theyre jelouse than its their fault
sometimes your parents get mad you didnt get an A at school those parent can die painfully
If you partner has BPD please seek help. You are being a victim.
I think she means that behavior can be seen to be inténded to make you feel xyz. So with the jealousy example, you look gorgeous and the other person starts bragging to you. Maybe that didnt make you feel jealous but you can think ''aha! maybe theyre intimidated by me and now trying (and succeding or failing, doesnt matter) to make me feel that too''
This is the most powerful piece of information I have learned in a while.
This is really good advise. A great leader knows how to make their people feel confident in success. Alexander led from the front.
A child throwing a fit only makes you feel what they feel (powerless in that example) if you haven’t done the work on yourself to process your own unhealed childhood powerlessness. A child throwing a fit when you’ve processed your pain can also make you feel strong, in control, assertive, nurturing, and like you have the power to remain peaceful and calm so the child can see you in your true power and feel safe.
Doesn't mean they're gonna stop throwing that tantrum tho
As a second mom to my siblings, throwing a fit doesn’t phase me or my mother. Point being my siblings don’t throw fits because it will get them ignored and/or laughed at. I also only respond to them when they speak English to me, no baby talk/silent gestures/whining … people be letting they kids run the house
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 ignoring children when they are upset is the worst one can do. It will cause them to be overwhelmed by whatever they are feeling (anger, sadness, frustration, ...) and lead to them growing into people that aren't able to handle their emotions properly, if at all, as they were never able to learn how.
Always ask them why
@@theinvisiblewoman5709 Nobody said to ignore your child, they’re saying to handle the situation in a calm matter. The choices should never be between abuse or neglect. There’s actual parenting. Hopefully when you’re old enough to have your own babies, you’ll understand that.
Ya I don't agree with this woman either...if I make you jealous when I walk in a room and you're attempting to make me jealous just because you got jealous when I walked in.. that's not me who needs to change and acknowledge emotions, that's their own fault for acting like a child.
The point made about people setting up others to express how they feel is interesting. But, you can’t make people feel anything for the most part. Jealously comes from a individual’s insecurities that are based on a accumulation of negative experiences that’s been collected over time.
That part
I don't think that was her point tho, I think she was just saying that all ppl feel emotions based off of external influences or factors that get processed thru one's own mind & perspective that gets formed thru experiences like u mentioned, mostly in early childhood & stuff, & that one of those factors is other ppl, including urself, & that the more ur aware of that the more u'll be able to easily understand ppl & navigate situations easier
agreed. She could have worded this differently, no1 can make any1 feel or think anything. However I do agree that given emotional data, if you value the relationship or want to navigate the situation in a mature way, the approach she's given CAN work.
Very well said
@@ruthh3496 yes, i agree. You will be able to navigate social situations easier if you're aware. But is it your problem if someone is jealous of you? Or your obligation to find a solution because they're immature, insecure, or can't check their own emotions? And what's the deal with comparing a child's emotional situation with an adults? Those are two very different things, or at least should be. Are you affected the same by fear, regret, or happiness as an adult the same way you were as a child? The emotion is the same, but the personal reaction and reflex is different, or should be. If not, then you haven't experienced anything in life and you're still a child.
I was following Teal for some time a couple of years ago and sort of drifted away. I'm not sure why. Wasn't the right time, maybe. Anyway, I'm back now and much better for it. Teal is a neverending fountain of beauty, warmth and wisdom.
I love this point, such a valuable tool for all to have! Thanks Teal! ❤
The most important part of this video was said quickly.
"If you want to resolve a conflict, all you have to do is figure out how you feel so you can figure out how they feel and then create your solution based off those emotions."
I do not agree at all. For example I can be in love with somebody and they not love me back. No matter what I do for that person to convince them to love me that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to feel the same way about me. I can give you a million reasons on why this Theory does not work be from the fact that everyone is different with the way they react and emotions they have.
She said a whole lot of nothing.
Fk your feelings
If that's true I'm screwed. I know nothing about how my wife feels. So I ask her.
@@carloscamacho1893 she never said you can control how people feel, she said you can resolve conflicts if you understand those factors, and where their feelings are coming from. I think you misunderstood entirely. If someone doesn't love you back, you can resolve that by leaving. 😆
This is brilliant!
I would add one more thing to this: it doesn’t have to be how YOU specifically made someone feel. It could be spill over from another situation with another person.
Parents can take out their issues with each other on their kids, and vice versa.
YES!!! They come into the room and still have that lingering emotion from what either just happened and you weren’t a witness of, or something unresolved they may have stuffed away and perhaps YOU are that safe person they can let it out with… dumping on you… or ‘lashing out’ at you. So what I am hearing from this video is to try to plug into my emotions and figure out: what am I feeling? And are these ‘my’ feelings or those around me? And then ‘how can I regulate?’ And ‘how can I co-regulate aka - work/model to the other what regulation looks like’.
Yup...and the persons that do this all the time is covert narcissists!!!!
I don’t really get it.
When interacting with people in real, I never project my actual feelings. I always wear a happy, positive, and energetic façade.
It’s not meant as deception, it was a survival thing I developed as a child, and it stuck.
It's called karma, baby
All conflicts stem from secrets
i think there's definitely some truth to that. Thank you!
It’s the fact she post and it align with exactly what I’m currently going thru at the time every time too she’s truly inspiring to me ♥️♥️♥️♥️🦋🦋🦋🦋
This just made me realize how unheard a certain person makes me feel. This is why I avoid talking to them. Really short clip. Deeply insightful.
Can you elaborate Cassandra?
How it relates to what she said.
@@CLAUDIALAMY she said that consciously or unconsciously we treat a person who does something to us the same way in return. Sorry if i didn't explain it well. But that's what I took out of this snippet.
This also applies to positive emotions. If someone does something amazing for someone, you typically see the person smothering them with “thank you” and trying to give them money. People want people to feel the same emotions, positive or negative.
Lol .... jo momma.... classic
Sublime
this just completely blew my mind and shattered my old world view. WOW. thank you!!!!
SO useful. These shortie clips are fantastic but the longer clips are an enormous clip as well.
Nailed it. I always knew it. A relationship is a mirror.
If your intention are to make yourself feel better
Yeah I think emotionally it’s a mirror
No it isn't. This woman is insane.
@@ameliaunderwood9534 lol insane? Like she thinks the underwear gnomes and the fairies are going to steal her cheese and send secret messages to her in her oatmeal? I doubt that very much.
@@rachel4339 What you described isn't insanity. That's profit, lol
I partially agree. I feel this is only half true. Because It isnt always necessarily how you made them feel. They could be carrying that emotion from someone or somewhere else and projecting it onto you and trying to make you feel how they feel (like she said) . My point is, i dont agree with her when she says that how they feel is necessarily always caused by you but i do agree on the part that they are trying to make you feel how they feel.
This is absolutely true. Like someone being maybe mad about work, then stuck in horrible traffic, they're hungry, so they get home and snap at their spouse about dinner not being ready, when really they had a horrible day at work
I love this! It’s true! I’m learning to recognize what emotions are mine and what is being put out by others. It helps me to distinguish what emotions to release because they are not mine to begin with.🤔❤️
Extremely helpful; children are a challenge emotionally. thank goodness
Emotional intelligence is considered to be one of the most important intelligences. Can have ton of knowledge in a general sense, but without an adequate understanding of emotional intelligence, given uncomfortable/pressure factors and without stress skills and emotional intelligence, all that vast knowledge (in a general sense) will go right out the window for the most part
This is sooo true. I've learned as an adult that I have basically NO coping skills or emotional intelligence and learned horrible, horrible communication and interpersonal skills yet always was an above average student and consider myself fairly intelligent. Its a constant battle to learn how to adult.
Emotional intelligence is a paradoxical elaboration created to explain control of feelings and emotions when intuition and reaction are triggered.
Well said
🎯
I tell everyone about her and how she saved my life. I love this woman!
Always think so but never get the words to express it.....well said
Your words are so phenomenal and powerfull i wish i had those words back then so thank you for sharing these words with people that really needs them!
I love this. It may not be the case in every situation, but it's always a good practice to think about how you're feeling and how the other person is feeling.
Amazing analogy!! Simple explanation to understand the other person's emotion.. once u understand the emotion the next step is to understand their trigger/situation to find a resolution.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Yes!
Best idea ever! Thank you❣️👏🏻💜
Beautifully stated! It's something I'm sure we all need to hear a couple hundred or a couple thousand times for that information to soak in, sink in, process & to apply it
The ultimate life hack. Since living in the law of attraction, this has really been a pivotal lesson in my life. And now I'm seeing a bright future for myself rather than one full of suffering. Thank you for making this so understandable
If I walk into a room wearing a gorgeous outfit and a person feels jealous, then I know I must look fantastic. I would absolutely feel great not jealous back.
She never said it would make you feel jealous. She said the jealous person would then do something to make you feel jealous. In a relationship, a person is much more likely to know that will make you feel jealous. It's the emotion that's the link between two people, not the act.
@@TheDeadofNightAmbience Same thing NO???
If a person thinks you look nice, but feels the need to "retaliate" by making you jealous of them, I would say that's an insecure person.
@@ANGIE-up1tv it's not the same thing. What she means is that they would try to make you jealous but she isn't saying that they will be successful in making you feel that way.
@@karlamfh835 Yes same thing. Only an insecure, critical believer in one's self worth would try to do something back at me to make me feel jealous because someone took a look at me and felt jealous. I can look in the mirror and love who is looking back at me. This whole topic is stupid.
This is INCREDIBLY insightful. Well done!
We need more of this in general education. Psychology is so important!!
Hmm, I feel conflicted. To me, this feels a little over simplified.
She’s a child and doesn’t understand human interactions
I think it was meant to be.
@@wrackable this is human psychology
Well it’s a CZcams short, there’s 10x more detail missing
She’s like one of those motivational speakers who talks for hours but doesn’t really say anything of meaning.
Feeling insecure… making others feel insecure…so logic!!!!!
Wow, I'm thinking about myself of how I've been acting. Thank you
Fascinating..I think I've realized this a couple of times before, but it didn't stick. She expressed this concept is so simply and so elegantly.
I don’t make people feel jealous, they choose to feel jealous. I can look the same way walking around all day and maybe only 1 person will get jealous. This is their personal problem. I may not even be aware of it when or if they TRY to make me feel jealous in return. My state of mind and emotions will help me to also feel jealous or not jealous at all. This doesn’t work for me but I guess others are relating to it. Too many people play head games and I don’t have time for it. I’m happy and healthy in my emotional state so it can be difficult to get stuck on other peoples negative emotions.
Beautiful. I will keep your version.
But I don't think anyone choses to be jealous tho that's why jealous ppl I think get upset because no one likes that feeling.. That's y some ppl try to make u feel it bk.. Make u feel as insecure as they do. Other than that I agree with this statement
I am not a jealous person, so I am happy for others when they are blessed. I guess that upsets people because I don't follow to fit in. I am who I am and really enjoy helping others. Strong personality and good at a lot of things, so people want me there for them, but can't reciprocate.
I think she's talking in the context of a relationship.
100% . That's THEIR insecurity. I don't like this clip. It absolves an individual of their personal responsibility. Oh, 'you MADE someone abuse you?' Naw..nope. You. Are. Not. Responsible. For. The. Actions. Of. Others👏👏👏 this is nonsense.
This is why acknowledging their feeelings and expressing that to them works
I don’t get that though using the example she gave about looking amazing and making someone else feel jealous why should I acknowledge their feelings?
if they are CHOOSING to feel jealous I'd personally feel indifferent I don't have the time or energy to validate someone by acknowledging their jealousy if they have the capability to feel jealous then they should also have the ability to work on their self-esteem I shouldn't have to react/reflect to anyone's emotions be it positive or negative as a person with free will I get to choose how I feel towards someone and choosing to not react at all is also valid.
If they listen. My Family doesn’t especially mother and I don’t spend energy on making people listen once I realize it.
@@Kozy894 i was talking about people in some sort of relationship . If you care about someone you would want to know about their feelings . I don't think we can control our negative feelings and voicing them to the people we love is far different from expressing a point of you . You are just seeking to be seeing and it requires an amount of vulnerability which create trust and understanding.
@@Kozy894 we don't choose to feel anything, emotions and feelings aren't choices we make. You can choose to repress those feelings but you still have feelings about things with no control over it
Open minded in a wellspring of unconditional love and happiness. Give more than you receive because what you receive is plenty in it's simplicity. From this world we leave as we came. Yet we don't have to leave but man's not ready for that conversation.
The hard part is realizing and rationalizing in real time.
Most times I figure out the best conflict resolution only after the interaction, and the increasing gap in time makes going back to the person to make ammends (or clear up what you thought made the tension, whether there were actually a tension or it's all just in your overthinking brain's interpretation) more awkward.
Avoid conflict in the first place
Rationale thought works
So true about the children. I was tired living my life. Everything was looking black and white. I never like kids but fate worked better. I had to work in a kindergarten. It was then I realized feeling their excitement of learning new things, of telling their stories and when they are playing also make me excited. I was so happy. Yes, kids are not easy to handle but learn and you'll be able to get all the positive energy from them. During that time colours start to come back in my life. It was a fun time. It was then I knew the reason I'm tired was because I made myself mingle with energy sucking people.
naaaa, if I got excited about Computer Science I doubt my buildong Architect of a sister would be interested or exicted as I am about the topic.
When one of my children are "throwing a fit" it does not make me feel powerless in the slightest, in fact it's the opposite, as I take that opportunity to speak to them in a calm manner to help them change their vibration. They can go from crying to laughing in seconds from the power of my words and actions, that is not being powerless.
Also you cannot make people feel any emotion, that is down to the actual being choosing that themselves. If someone walked into a room in nice shoes it's up to me to decide how I feel about that, I can choose to feel jealous or I can appreciate the shoes, or feel completely indifferent, it is totally my choice.
Sounds like you are already very self aware and emotions aware of others. I guess this video applies to people who don’t know this yet.
I agree with you. Human behaviour and personality is more complex
Feel better, Honey Boo Boo?
I don't get jealous at all if someone has new stuff or better than me. Instead I'm appreciative!!! SO, U ARE RIGHT. IT DEPENDS TO WHO U ARE. WHAT U CHOOSE TO DO. ITS U, UR ATTITUDE AND PERSONALITY.
No one’s perfect
This women is so intelligent it’s unbelievable !!!! There’s not to many people let alone females that I can listen to an actually learn from!!! Watching her videos have made me a better Human/Man/Spirit!!!! She is a blessing to this world!!!!! 🙏🏽
I heard this over and over to let it sink in and it did , this is powerful ,💯
I have this saying or motto
I am only in control of my own reactions and emotions. No one else, so if I choose to be mad, hurt, angry… it’s because I choose to be not you. Once you can learn this things become so much clearer and relationships easier but only if the person is self aware of their own reactions.
This takes away personal responsibility. You still have a choice to do something or not. Feelings aren't always the best source of reason or judgement.
This
No, it doesn't
You reason with and make judgments about the feelings you have not the other way around.
Your "interpretation"? Nice ig, maby she'll get thru too you an not your ego. ☯
Yeah she seems to be talking more to women than men because most of the time, men don't have the luxury to act on their emotions particularly when they are surrounded by people that do.
I wish that I could have found you much sooner than I did, I am here and I am learning so much about the things that I have been going through, and the way that the people that have been trying to find a way to keep me from being able to be the one that I am here to be.... Blessings to you 💖✨🥰💞💕
My goodness, thank you for highlighting my own flaws so clearly!
If you want to resolve conflict: Figure out how you feel, realize that’s how you’re making them feel, then make your solution based off those emotions specifically
This sounds like a very circular reasoning. I walked into a room waering a gorgeous outfit and I made you feel jealous? No you're petty you feel jealous because you're petty and I'm not responsible for how you feel but if everyone follows this logic everyone is chasing a ghost this person made me feel this way so that must be my fault ? And how do I fix it? Yeah thanks no thanks
No sorry I don't feel powerless if my little one is having a fit I'll bring her to a quite place and tell her she can have all the fit she wants but she's not going to disturb everyone else (at the dinner table for example) and that when she's ready to come back we'll all be there
For example?
@@matsauvagea it's not about taking responsibility for how others feel, it's about recognizing that if somebody is lashing out at you or throwing a fit or being petty, they're actually communicating to you how they feel without explicitly saying "I'm jealous" or "I'm angry" or what have you. If you can start to recognize that people's behavior towards you is actually about them and *not* you, you become able to detach yourself from your own knee jerk reactions and start a dialogue instead.
Yeah need an example, please.
The broken will always be able to love harder than most because once you've been in the dark, you learn to appreciate everything that shines
Oh shut up. Spewing quotes is so annoying. Be original.
The longer you're in the dark, the more any brightness will hurt your eyes. Which eventually leads to smashing even the dimmest of bulbs.
💡
So interesting! A lot of your ideas are so well put with a lot of truth!
Awesome knowledge! Thank you for everything you do!
Perfectly said. I hope everyone paid very close attention and remember the very last part...
If so, Humanity could make a huge leap in spiritual, emotional, personal and social maturity.
Lmfap I don't know what planet you're on but it's way more fucked up than what you think it is, most people know the surface 10 percent of how fucked up everything is and I mean EVERYTHING
You and peterson are the only mentors I need at this moment of time in my life.
Me too
So sad
@@80beanz what is?
Awesome! That’s a big eye opener! Thanks🌷
Such wisdom! Thank you💙
I love this.. it creates deep thought for sure. My husbands saying has always been
“I can’t MAKE you feel anything”. In reality it’s true. Like the saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. So anyway I’m stuck on that , that we own our own perceptions and emotions. Etc. idk 🤷🏼♀️
This is usually said by mental and psychological abusers after saying something demeaning, controlling or hurtful. Its a grooming technique as well. This type of information can be discussed or explained by a professional but if your partner or any significant person in your life is saying it to you after treating you a certain way right before then don't believe it. We feel each emotion for specific reasons but noone has the right other than yourself to tell you whether and how they effect you.
But people can make others feel Inferior with or without my consent... Otherwise no one would have any insecurities
Yeah I've never liked the 'they can't make you feel a certain way, only you can do that" thing. Always sounded like victim-blaming to me.
I hate it when someone tells me I MADE them feel a certain way!
Something here doesn't add up... Like... Who is the one setting the other up? Me or the other person? If I'm feeling a certain way is it because of myself or because the other person wants me to feel that way? What was the dominant emotion anyway? An indicator could be that my mood changes while there is another person in the room I'm dealing with. But still, I can't be a 100% sure, can I? And then there's people who are just way less empathetic than others. They won't mirror emotions as much.
I'm not convinced that this approach is helpful during most conflicts. You'll end up talking yourself into feeling or sensing things that aren't really there.
Teal Swan carries herself as some sort of spiritual teacher or psychologist when she doesn’t have any formal teaching on the matter. She bugs me because her stuff is so BS and just because of how she carries herself, people eat it up.
Choosing the way you want to feel is your choice . being offended or not is a choice. everything we want to feel is a choice. It's all on how we control our emotions and empathize with others. we all have different feelings and ideas that we could agree and disagree .we can't control the way some people feel. Sometimes it's best to let it go. I hope that makes sense.
@@allisonvega8025 Your comment is actually much better advise. Thoughts and emotions are just permanently computed by the brain and swept onto the shores of our consciousness. To develop the skill to consciously accept or reject certain emotions or thoughts is much more helpful than trying to track down their source.
@@allisonvega8025 it’s crazy how wrong your first comment is. You can’t control how you feel you can control what you do about it. If u get mad and then say no I’m not. Yes you are. You just chose not to stay there. The initial feeling can not be controlled. It’s what happens after where control begins. And where do u draw the line. For example where’s the line between someone’s too sensitive and someone else’s too aggressive? Is the weather too cold or you’re just accustomed to warmer climates. Humans are far too complicated to get a one answer fits all in terms of WHY we do what we do. Case in point when my son throws a tantrum i don’t feel powerless. I establish that feeling a way is one thing but tantrums aren’t an effective method of dealing with said emotions. You’re reasoning for actions, mine and hers are all different and THAT should be the focus.
@@Feywildd just looked her up and read this:
“Teal Swan is an American spiritual teacher. Swan's teachings on how to manage mental health issues have often been described as unconventional and potentially hazardous and has received criticism for how she attracts fans”
Did not know this, I’ve been following her thinking she was some type of qualified therapist! My own fault! Think how many others she’s sucking in. She comes across with such confidence that you have no reason to doubt her, that’s why I started following. Thanks for that info!
I feel so confused with all the feels she's talking about.
I don't think you have to worry about this one too much.
I understood all her 'feels", because i have been through something relatable.
Wow. This really is insightful, so true across the board. I can work with this.
You know it's wisdom when it feels profound and oh so simple at the same time. Applies to the big and small at the same time.
That sounds like a lot of work for me to do when I didn’t intentionally started anything, the other person can suck it up and figured out a way to deal with their insecurities
Totally agree!!
Unless you care about them then maybe you’d help them out
@@papanoodles4952 Life is too short to add unnecessary problems
If I feel great wearing a nice dress, and someone feels jealous, actually that is their choice and their problem. How am I supposed to know, oh I look and feel great but I better not wear it because someone may feel jealous. Nope I don't think so. I did not do that purposely, so I won't be aware she's or he is jealous.
This is deep this can be applied to all aspects of life since the 1500s so in the end we were right all along wow...
I have Teal in my life since 2014 and I thought I heard it all but nope .. she continues to remind me of things I forgot I learnt .. it’s amazing but we humans need a lot to learn and evolve. We need repetition and reminders ❤️
Anyone can remind you of things you forgot just by having lots of conversations with them.
She’s over complicating it. Trust your intuition. If you have a feeling about someone go with it. Boundaries are important too.
You just dont understand what shes actually saying lmao
"all you have to do to fix this problem is to come up with a solution"
oh ok thanks
Water leak out of pipe, patch fix leak now water come out right hole at end instead of wrong hole in middle. Such amazing. Very wow. 🤦🏼♀️ 2 million years of human problem solving and we still falling for this self-help BS lol.
@@euthanasiadumbwaiter2520 You literally just proved her point lmao
One of the four agreements: "don't take anything personally." Very freeing way to live
If you feel powerless when someone else throws immature tantrums, you both have some growing up to do.
Not if you are solely responsible for monitoring that outburst, as you would be in a situation with a child. It's called parenting. But you're right, most people aren't good at that.
She didnt say thatbit makes you feel powerless. She said that they will set you up to feel powerless... Big diference. Think instead of repeating
@@myname-mz3lo if you allow yourself to be set up it amounts to the same thing. Last time I heard, adults are free to accept or reject positions others would put them in.
@d3adp0gch4mp that’s probably why Jorge said IF you feel powerless then...
I think she means powerless to help them
My emotions are only based on my experiences, not others. If I feel one way, and assume that's how someone else feels, that's purely subjective assumption not based on truth. Communicating is how conflict is resolved, not assuming or changing our (not toxic) behavior to make someone else feel better. I'm not going to change my gorgeous outfit just because someone else is jealous. If they are jealous, that is a them problem and a maturity/insecurity issue.
I don’t think that is the point, she never said she changed her clothes, she allows that other person to feel that jealousy, she just changes her perspective.
@@Ana-ty8sl I think a lot of people are missing the point here!
You nailed it! Instead of feeling let’s communicate! This is toxic
@@Ana-ty8sl yes and I think most people who are jealous of you try to make you feel bad about yourself. In that instance .. When they try to make you feel bad about yourself it's how they actually feel about themselves.. So it's always good not to take anything personally.
@@BeccyBum What is her point?
It's like she was on her way to discovering empathy but got confused.
That's so true, omg, a good person around a circle I associated myself with told me that.
“he feel, we feel, what feel, how feel.” - that’s how this sounded to me
WTF!!!... sounded like some form of rap music... I'm still confused...baaahahaha 🤣...
Lol i was gonna comment this
I agree stop with all this damn “feeling” and start to know and understand ; too many weak emotional individuals out here today
😂😂 dr. Seuss
@@socialoner3717 I was just going to type this!
I needed to hear this. It really makes so much sense. Having a hard time in my current relationship. Admitting that I may be sabotaging it because I feel less than is hard to admit. Time to make things right and grow up. ❤
😊 I'll share this just cause that's how I felt and yes..I'm setting you up👌
Have you talked to him about what you mentioned here?
@@69yenko65 this is immeasurably important. It doesn’t mean anything if you don’t mention it to him.
This one hit different, cause I can see it in my daily life right now at work.
For the most part, right in the feels
I think a fundamental flaw of this theory is that it relies on:
A) Every person in the conflict knows precisely how they feel about the situation,
B) Which can then be used as an accurate gauge for every other person, as every person is operating from an average “healthy” mental and emotional state wherein no emotions or behaviors will be skewed by development, instability, disorder, or sickness.
I would hazard a guess that this theory could potentially work out about 65% of the time.
100% Agree.
I understand all except the last bit. Sometimes you don’t even know what their problem is with you, it’s unprovoked & unwarranted… you can’t deal with them lunatics by reasoning with them. Though going by my habit I still try to talk sense into them. but to no avail. Then again you realise that reasoning with irrational folks, doesn’t make them any less irrational.. it makes you less smarter overtime.
I can certainly see how it would indeed over time make one, less smarter... 🤣🤣🤣
I agree with you 100%. It's not my problem if someone is jealous of me. They have to learn to get over it and at times everyone has feelings of jealousy of someone else, the thing is how you treat people because of it, is the important thing.
What you're doing right now is called "punctuation" in systemic communication theory. You're taking a complex situation and creating a linear causal relationship: _"she_ is causing _me_ suffering because _she_ is irrational". It misses the other part of the equation, which is _your_ responses and how they are impacting _her's._
Swan is saying that relationship dynamics express circular causality (not linear). It's not possible to boil the whole relationship down to one causal factor (one person), and therefore your solution has to take this into account, i.e. you have to work just as much on _your own_ responses and reactions, _your own_ contribution to the relationship, as the other person.
You have to establish a type of communication that addresses this point and start working from both ends. For example, if you get irritated because somebody is acting irritated, you can ask them "I'm irritated - am I irritating you?", to which they will probably respond "yes", in which case you can find a solution that acknowledges both perspectives.
OMG this is so spot on. I mean I agree with like 80% of what she saying but the problem is then she dives off the deep end and pretends like we're actually supposed to understand why a person's acting like a douchebag. The point she made in the beginning outweighs the point she made in the end. Children, keyword being children act that way adults should have developed a maturity to verbalize or find other ways to communicate how they feel. But at the same time this is only a very short clip so I'm hoping that she has a more conclusive explanation of what she's trying to say.
@@ursilaminor6447 It's really simple: relationship dynamics don't follow linear causality (A => B), but rather it's circular (A B), so your conflict solving strategies have to be a reflection of that.
Two thumbs up for this bit of wisdom!
PERFECT! Ive always said to my women... "Im a mirror for you. If Im mad its because you mad me mad. If Im happy you made me happy. Just look at me & you'll see yourself."
Nobody has the power to make anybody feel anything. That is one of the major problems blaming other people for how you feel or what you do or what you say. Be accountable for your own emotional reactions and well-being.
Not enough time or crayons to explain this. Lol
Ok Gayle
Yes!!! This exactly
You’re missing the social and neurological standpoint in all of this
Exactly. How can i blame others for my emotions or be blamed by theirs? It's BS.
So if i arrive home and my husband is angry because he had an issue with his boss, and makes my life a living hell, making me upset, should i go scream to my husband's boss, or maybe tell him to be mature enough to acknowledge his feelings and stop making everybody miserable ?
Until two years ago, I would have felt that she’s wrong about how to “deal” with such situations as it’s not my responsibility to take care of someone else’s emotions and they should be mature enough to deal with it themselves (which is true in some situations). But after dating my boyfriend, I realized that because he loves and cares for me so much that he would be attentive towards my reaction or feelings about a particular thing he does and I didn’t like. But only because I was vocal about how I felt, he understood, so this has to go both ways. It’s not fair to make someone else feel jealous or depressed because you are. Even if it’s because of them.
That's a very helpful anecdote and a good way to address your growth as a person.
So simple yet so important 💕😭🙌
Feelings are temporary so we don’t want to make a decision based on the emotions rather rationalization