DETACH. They don't hold your VALUE.
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- čas přidán 1. 06. 2024
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My fiance left me just before the wedding, he was on a business trip and found a woman there. He said “I’m in love, no way back to you, we can’t be together anymore”. I was terrified and could not believe my ears. He said all that stuff on the phone. We were together for 10 years I supported him and provided everything. Now I begin to understand the importance of self value. Don’t let anyone create your value and estimate you. You have your own brain and mind. Please put yourself first.
I’m sorry love :(
Hold ur ground,,be patient,hold ur head high..men r terrible.. How can he did this to u..ver sry to hear,take hug...💚💚
I'm so sorry.......... Giving you a virtual hug! I can feel your pain.
♥️
Wow. Thank you for sharing.
I once read; 'Don't give up everything to become someone else's nothing'. You are amazingly helpful. Thank you. ❤
I had to screenshot this comment, Thank you.
Love that!
I dodget a bullet (ON TIME, and im thankful for that!) when a guy (a boy i call him!😂) who was foreigner (who chased me for long time, involved my fam into the whole thing and at the end got me) FIRST said to me that he cant be w me (after he got w me) because ITS HARD when ppl have to move countries (refering to me who shall in the future move for him). Said its not good to move for someone,"i mean you can if you want but its hard for me to ask you to do that",SAID ALLL THE CRAP. (Also, he didnt say it to my face but after we split and when i returned to my country he was saying that to others, NOT me (another poor quality of that man, thank God i am not with him)). Me, who survived death and two cancers in my family in the past, a fun cheerfull gal, from poor country but country full of beauty and humanity , didnt know my value - and was suffering for months after that, judging my own reality . My point is : *I* SHOULD say all that things that he said (i only shortened a story for you, its much longer), a woman should say it first, a woman should think. Because a woman will change her life for him. She should think about that. Shame on him.
He returned after couple of months (of course they do, they do realise its them whos the problem😂, when he slept with alll these girls he wanted to he was back to get his attention from myself), returned while having a girlfriend (poor thing, i saw her) but he just doesnt exist in my reality. He lost the important character in my life. To be my chosen one. 🤗✈🌍✔🍀🙈 💞
Lisa Nichols...👍😊
I made a screenshot, thanks ❤
Well said. If someone doesn’t want you, let them go. They will regret it.
"They will regret it." 😆👌
If you're not aligned there are no regrets, you'll both end up happier without each other (unless the person was a s*** and abuser, then they might regret losing their victim but that's another story).
Whether they regret it or not is irrelevant. The merit you hold for yourself is the reward.
They don't always end up regretting dumping you, even though they KNOW you were a great woman and treated them well and truly loved them. That's the part that hurts.
@@irinaivanovic9792Dajte nekoliko mjeseci. Uvijek zažale kada vide da trava nije zelenija drugdje
I dated a guy for 8 weeks. Really liked him but some things didn’t sit right. For example, he was so loving and close to me when we were at his place but cold and distanced whenever we left the apartment. Also his humor was always determining how our time together will be. He struggled to plan and commit. I ended up breaking up with him. Instead of thinking 💭 why he doesn’t like me enough, why can’t he see my value, I lost him etc. I reframed it to “I CHOSE MYSELF” and whenever I do that - I win. And I bravely showed to myself that I value myself.
For the first time in my life I am refusing to paint over all the red flags 🚩 to make them green. For the first time I choose to see them for who they are.
He had a potential but I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my life to wait him out.
I have never ever done this in my life. At 34 I am finally doing it and I feel so strong 🥹🔥❤
Thank you for sharing! I am hoping to do the same!
I chose myself is so powerful. Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m 37 and just ended a 6 year relationship where I wish I would’ve realized this much sooner. Now I will not compromise on the red flags or gaslight myself into believing they’re not as bad as they are. I am finally choosing myself ❤❤
💪🏾
So proud of you
Damn girl. When I catch myself feeling badly or triggered, I put you on repeat.
Same! I finally found my courage & walked away 5 days ago. Last night I had a nightmare about him being badly hurt in hospital (he had significant health issues) & woke up in distress, wanting to reach out. Opted to come listen to these vids instead! 💫 I will say a prayer that he is safe & thriving while also remembering that his actions do not align with my wants & values. 🤷🏾♀️
Quit feeling and use logic/common sense
That’s what I had to do today…Literally!
Same!!
same 😂
"It says more about your relationship with yourself and your lack of boundaries.... then it does about him". This is absolute gold and should resonate with anyone who lacks a of sense of self.
😊❤❤999
😊
@@dougcoleman8972are you involved in sorcery?
@@mikepiccolo32 do you use your brain 🧠
@@howarddodge772 are you insane ?
'he doesn't match the value I give to myself' - 🙏 amen!!!!
"There are no hard feelings but he just doesn't get to exist in my reality" this sentence!!!
This woman GETS IT. This is the first time I’ve ever heard someone breakdown the truth this way. This is so important and so powerful. Best thing on the internet.
Yes 🫀🔥❤️⭐🙏🏻🐉♾️
Manifestelle is also a great channel, similar to this sort of content
“Put yourself behind your choices”
Best words I’ve heard in maybe the last two years
I must say this: I NEEDED to hear this exactly now during an intense feeling of low value from someone. Someone I'm realizing I don't even really like very much anymore, now that I think of it (especially now that you mention it). An opportunistic porn-addict with mother issues is not the person I wanna be with. Thank you so so much.
On prom addiction how does that effect a relationship (as a man)
@@Galvatronoverno high value woman wants to embrace the energy of a man who gets his needs met through invalidating the integrity and emotional security we build in our relationship via fantasies of other women
@@flowersinthefireno self respecting woman with redeeming qualities either, even if humble or doesnt use catch phrases like high value much, as all are beautyful
@@Galvatronoverthank you for being curious enough to ask. We want to be the only woman your intimate with and it feels awful inside for me personally when I know my man is feeling the need to watch porn when I take care of him sexually and am monogamous and in love only with him, it feels truly like a betrayal very much akin to being cheated on , on a deep emotional level . I understand intellectually he doesn't want to be with them and I understand he's not comparing my body to theirs but when you see your significant other viewing porn actresses who are way different it's hard not to feel diminished and inferior and even less sexually attractive to him. This has been an issue with me and my current boyfriend and whereas I had a very high sex drive with him before, seeing him lie to me about watching porn broke my trust in him, diminished my bond to him and my sex drive and sexual need for him and my admiration of him as a good man all fell off tremendously ever since this issue has come up multiple times recently and if I'm being honest I know in my heart we probably won't be together long term because I don't want a man who acts this way in my life and I think 90% of women will agree with me
@@Galvatronover I’ve noticed a difference in certain men who do watch and don’t the ones who do watch it their minds are constantly sexual they’re quite uninteresting in real life and it’s hard to emotionally connect with them those who don’t are genuinely so interesting fun to be around playful more respectful with sexual boundaries funnier classier so many things
Letting go of someone that you know isn't good for you is tricky. I often curse the day I duped myself by putting them on a pedestal; liking the idea of them rather than what they were actually giving me (the bare minimum).
It was shortlived - like most of my encounters with people - yet it still has some hold on me
I have the same issue, I don't miss this ex but I really regret how low I made myself by giving him so much importance and putting him on a pedestal when he was just giving me the bare minimum. I was chasing him like crazy when he ghosted me after almost 5 years and I hate myself for putting myself in such a low position for some piece of shit. He was enjoying his life with his rebound while I was in the shadow wondering why he is not responding to my texts and calls. He truly is scum but I am more hurt now about how I treated myself. After 12 years, I am still hurt about how I treated myself for someone not worth shit!
@@LoveHarryStyles89sending you the strength so you can forgive yourself. How would you speak to a close friend or family member if they told you that exact story. Give yourself the love you would them
I bawled my eyes out yesterday night as I sat and saw this video on how to detach myself from him. This jerked me up and hit the nail on the coffin for me. I broke up with him today after months of pleading for time, attention and love. I needed to realise my value and that I didn’t actually like him. I cannot thank you enough for making my eyes open!!! I am deeply hurting but I feel confident that I stood up for myself. You are a saviour Margarita!! You couldn’t have made it clearer than this!! I got out finally and now have to focus on healing myself from this pattern. I am keeping your videos on repeat to heal and better myself.
Thanks again from the bottom
Of my heart 😢❤
You got this 💙
You go girl 💪 ❤️
You can do it honey. Sometimes God removes trash to give you the blessings you deserve. Keep going 💗
Someone's behaviour is a reflection of the value THEY bring to the relationship not of the value you bring.
Less than a minute in and your insight hit harder than any of my therapy sessions ever have.
Therapy is useless lol
@@abbz23I agree
I totally agree with you.
My therapist was super useful (from Serbia) but Margarita was a fantastic addition to it. ❤ thanks, girl. Regards from Europe
Truee
I promise my self July 1st 2023 I'm not continuing in a Situationship. This morning 5:00 Am i Deleted his number out of my phone. And i said to God help me to be strong. I wasted so much time trying to get him to like me. Only use me for Sex. Being in this mess brought me heart ach. I take accountability for putting my self in this mess looking for love. But I'm holding on to God's Grace and moving forward. Putting in the work to love me and getting back to where i know i was with God. God loves me and us so much. He wants us to be free and Happy. This message is right on time Thank you Margarita your messages are always on time.
Sending power and blessings to you, hold on.
Sending you so much love ❤️
Wishing you grace and strength to go through this phase of your life🙏🏾❤
@@gala2103 I will Thank you ❤
@@justanotherviewer00 Thank you. Same to you ❤
"Accept it with your chest out". Love that. That is definitely going to play in my mind when I need it.
What you do is quickly and quietly 'walk away' and associate with individuals who respect both you and all your values and integrity. Remember who you are and that you are worthy and have far higher value than those who seek to belittle you and 'bring you down' to 'their' level. You were created to 'live fulfilled' on your own level. Do not let others 'drag you down' to their level. Quietly 'turn away' and follow your own unique destiny. Thank you for this video and all your other videos.
I adore you and your advice! I always ask myself now “do i even like him”? I always focused so much on the POTENTIAL and putting them on a pedestal. I have definitely become more secure with myself, what i want and what boundaries i set, and secure in my relationships. Your videos help so much ♡
Yesss I just realized this more recently myself. I think I was more in love with the potential than the reality.
Yes, the potential, "what can be"...😅
@@Paulina-yv7go yes! and oftentimes that person really isn't treating you all that great/how you deserve anyway! You have to stop and reframe as in "they aren't treating me as i deserve...i feel disappointed...like i lost what i really wanted "...but in reality we have to ask "how is this really a loss??"....it's not!
How do you become more secure in yourself?
@@xoxjelloxox i just focused more on my self concept & fixing worthiness wounds. And started showing up for myself more: waking up when i set a certain time to, less phone time more doing what i actually enjoy, and basically doing what i tell myself i will do to the best of my ability. Oh and to get away from anxious attachment, i’ve found letting go & allowing the beauty of the unknown to flow in has helped a ton.
Margarita you are the most concise, well spoken presenter I have ever listened to. You have a master skill. Thank you for getting right to the core of every issue you talk about. Thank you for existing and sharing your mind with us. ❤
Glad it was helpful!
perfection. thanku Margarita.. one thing for people to remember is.. if you can detach and even leave someone, then the slimy, arrogant, narcissistic ones will only want you after you've left.. coz they only want you when they can't have you-they don't want you for yourself.. so you have to be extra stong at the beginning or when they come back!..
Love this❤... I am in this battle- He'd become abusive in every way, I broke up with him so many times- after each incident he would always weave his way back to me+ I would cave in and take him back+ it was a cycle- till 2 weeks ago when I found out that he'd been cheating on me for the last 6 Months with a woman who lives in the same apartment I live... we'd just made up the day before after weeks of being apart because he'd become verbally abusive and disrespectful+++ he was telling me how he suffers when we are apart😂.. I was devastated... I have summoned all the courage that it took my ancestors to get me here to make sure this is the last break up.. I am looking for courage and resolve anywhere I can find it- including here❤...He's been on his knees and fours begging and saying how he regrets😅 I simply can't continue devaluing myself for such a man- in my pain I still thank God for finally opening my eyes to what evil I'd been subjecting myself to just because I loved a man- and how I'd self abandoned... Thank you for sharing..
Your videos are amazing. I cried a river for an idiot for five days. They are SO not worth it. Now they are calling me multiple times a day and I’m not feeling it. I don’t know how but I’ve left the building. Happy and much lighter.
These are such powerful words. All women need to hear what Margarita said. My mother told me don't ask am I good enough for him, but ask is he good enough for me. You must learn to value youself and work on having strong boundaries in this tough world.
‘Your brain lowers your value”….no frickin’ wonder I don’t recognize who I am after 14 years of choosing to stay. Wow. Got off the ride and taking the other path of letting my brain match the reality.
❤
I love all your detachment videos you explain it so well and clearly
Glad you like them!
. Are you going to any concerts this summer?
Your potent message here SAVED ME today. I woke up experiencing uncontrollable tears after being rejected by my wife/ex-wife on the very last chance I was giving her before I walk away for good and you couldnt be more on point. I am a good man with good values good intentions and a loving supportive charming nurturing frequency and she doesnt cherish/value who I really am... now I see she values only what she can take from me not what I spiritually give her and our love which is alot. Crying so hard right now and you are helping sooo much thank you dear one ♡
I hear you and I value what you said. you hold your potential and value. head up
Message is amazing
I recently ended a relationship with a woman for the same reason. Mercifully, it was not a marriage and it didn't last more than a year, but it was still very painful to cut her out of my life. Within a week of me ending things, she'd uploaded a new profile picture on WhatsApp of her and another man. Believe me, I gave her no cause for this and I'm not saying it to worry you. I'm saying it because it made me realise something I never had in over 25 years of dating: you take out of relationships what you put in, which means if you invest your heart and soul you will lose pieces of both, in the short term at least, when the curtains close. If you invest very little, you'll find it easier to move on. Many people realise this early in life and coast through relationships without a care in the world. It would be tempting to think that they've got the key to happiness, but what you really need is someone (as stated in this video) who matches your values and energy and will strengthen them, not someone who will drain the life and soul out of you.
When the time comes and you get back on the dating market, setting boundaries from the outset is key and ending things the MINUTE those boundaries are crossed is essential. Being more reserved for the first few months is another must. Resist the temptation, natural though it may be, to fall in love with someone until they've earned it. You are quite literally auditioning a partner, not giving them your heart and soul, and until they've passed that audition you should not give them your heart and soul. Your mental and physical health comes first, your friends second, your career third, and your partner your fourth - at least initially. If you're a hopeless romantic that order can quickly reverse, but you simply cannot let it for the reason mentioned above - the more you invest into a partner, the deeper the hole out of which you will have to climb if or when things come to an end. Don't even start digging until you've found a keeper. Good luck.
I sadly can relate brother.
My tears are still flowing right now from a conversation my still wife but soon to be ex and I just had. Are they good for us and do we like who they are and how they treat us are questions we need to ask ourselves on a regular. You and I both know we would not want to be harming the person we love so why is it okay for us to allow them to do it?
@@paulanderson2963 It isn't. Your priorities in life should be: 1) your mental and physical health, 2) your friends and family, 3) your career, and 4) your partner - in that order. A devious woman will try to reverse that order to put her at the top of the list. Do not let her.
My advice, for what it's worth: begin focusing on 1-3 as you move towards a separation. Give yourself the social network required to soften the forthcoming blow, which will be hard but a lot less hard if you've got the support structures in place. Women have been doing this for over a century. Men have been working themselves into the ground, neglecting their friends and family, and relying on partners instead. This creates an emotional power imbalance that leaves you at an inherent disadvantage. The only way to correct it is to put more of your energy and soul into yourself and the people around you - the people you'll have when she leaves. Exercise, eat well, drink less, lay down a plan of action for what you want to achieve in your life and career and begin making small steps towards it. This is better than a clean break out of the blue that will leave you with nothing and no one to turn to. Take it from a man who just finished his eleventh serious relationship!
Never let the external like people or objects be more valuable than yourself. Our life is only as good as WE make it and everything is just a reflection of our inner world being pointed back at us, great video!
Well said!
The person you get attached to or want to romantically pursue is not always a reflection of you. If you're someone that likes to chase handsome charming bad guys that like to manipulate, it means you grew up in that type of relationship in your past, and you may have low self esteem. And it's easier to say value yourself, but what are you valuing if you have nothing to value about yourself? When life was okay, and I had a boyfriend, I didn't care about valuing myself other than my boyfriend. But once we split and I was healing and living on my own, had a stable job, my physical health was awful, because of my physical health, I learn to value myself more.
I need to watch this everyday for the rest of my life.
Thanks for always pointing out „if you are a man watching this…“ because I feel like many men also suffer from this. In my last relationship I lost all value for myself and made it all about her. Her perception of me dictated my self-perception; it was horrible. But it taught me to be myself, listen to my feelings and thoughts, and that her perception of me doesn‘t say anything about my value. Needed to learn it the hard way but glad I did.
Thanks for the video!
Always practice self-love guys ❤
Come from a position of power in your choices. Eyes wide open. Know what you are signing on for. Stay in your power and don’t be a victim.
Write the story of your life.
I know you hear this a lot.. but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! It makes sense to me now.
And what you said how you begin to match what they think of you.. so true. I stopped taking care of myself, BADLY. I aged so much in 2 years it was insane. Don’t let these men dictate your self worth ladies bc they will make you feel worthless.
exactly! it's time we de-centered men/relationships and put the focus on having a good life for OURSELVES! if someone worthy shows up, great... if not, that's fine too! The key is taking another off the pedestal in OUR reality!
Oh my god. I thought I’m the one who wrote this. I’m in the exact same situation. Put on so much weight and also aged (almost 3 years for me) Then made to feel I’m ugly.
Trying to love myself again
I’ve been in therapy for 2 years now, reading a ton of self-development and psychology, watching a lot of therapists and life coaches, as well as affirmation videos, and your videos and the way you phrase things have helped my self-confidence more than anything. I truly have to thank you.
The not letting other people be your measuring stick concept really clicked a light on for me. The past couple weeks when I find myself going into a dark low self-worth hole, I ask myself: Am I living by my values? Am I working towards my goals at a reasonable pace? Am I hurting or disrespecting anyone? Are these other people I’m scared of disliking me on my path? And I basically decide to be my own measuring stick. It shouldn’t be so revolutionary but for me it is 😭 💕.
This is brilliant. What stood out the most was the comment about essentially by devaluing yourself to make it work with this man, it shows everywhere else. In looks, in your work and you become this. I love that and it's absolutely true. Wow. Everytime my on and off again avoidant who was one of my best friends for many years before we started dating would try again, it feels really great at the beginning until I'm reminded how my emotional needs aren't getting met. All of the sudden sales drop at my business, I sit in awful anxiety which sometimes leads to hair fall and I just look older and worn out. Whenever we split, I'm back to the gym, my business flourishes and I start looking more radiant. I really love and care about him, but this says a LOT.
Honestly I’m a guy and I’ve started putting everything you’ve said into action and people have started respecting me a lot more I can see it Thankyou x
I recently ended things with my boyfriend because he was flirting with other women publicly, had horrible communication, and he did not make any time for me. When I stepped out of the relationship, I realized how much I let it consume me. I was not studying anymore, did not feel like eating as much and I was so nasty to those around me. I was never truly happy because I knew deep down he was not the one for me, but I had to make it work. I had to change who he was and change how he treated me. Watching this video helped me realize, I didn't even like him as a person. I am thankful that I finally had the strength to leave and focus on myself.
I can see that God uses you to help others, Margarita. You are such a gift to CZcams!! Please keep making videos. I will detach. 🥰
Thank you so much!
God has nothing to do with it.
@@gutterpeachgirl stfu. The creator of the video didn’t take issue with this comment so why tf do you? Calm down bitter r/atheism Redditor
My first rule or boundaries is if we give our time, effort, care, love anything to someone but they don't value you just leave theme don't matter how much you love once you feel unwanted theme... Just leave... Respect your self...
You absolutely blow me away!! I dont think anyone could explain this to me in such a clear form as you have done here today. You are absolutely amazing and %1000 right! Ture freedom from controlling others. Worry about yourself and if you want to tolerate it then accept them for who they are 🙌 own it
I'm really starting to believe I should consider and go through with learning detachment. All my life I've been filled with pain and anxiety. These past 2 weeks have been so overwhelming and when I get emotionally stressed, I get physically sick. So now I have the flu and multiple mouth sores. This always happens when I get into a deep emotional stress. It's exhausting to hurt myself mentally and for it to manifest into the physical. Im so over worrying and trying to have a semblance of control on things I don't. It's so exhausting. Im so glad I found a strong woman like Margarita.
Time to just let go.
Let Go dear!! Please Let go!! Of what ever it is!! Let it go. It's not worth your peace! It's not worth your Health! Trust me, you are going to be ok. Just make up in your mind to let go. ❤🙏
This is so well said. Time to be the Simon Cowell of my own life. ❤
Thank you Margarita for this video. I'm going through this exact experience and its me being attached and putting my energy into a guy who isn't attached like I am and treating me as an option. I don't actually like him or even respect him but I've put my self worth into him and feel like I have to obtain him in order to feel good about myself or worthy. It's a toxic trap when I realize this guy isn't even on my level - in looks, success, character, financial status etc. I am removing myself from this situation completely and know I'll gain my sense of self worth back.
It's sooo true my brain is decreasing my worth in my brain to match the actions that I am willing to entertain and accept. Now, that I am no longer going to entertain or engage with this toxic behavior, I know my worth will rise again.
Yasss queen. Come on do it ❤
This video is EVERYTHING I needed to hear this morning. It sheds so much light on the relationships we choose to have romantic or not. I have completely detached from people that didn't serve properly in my life and it was the most amazing thing I've ever done. I have so much more peace in my life now. Trying to change people and their actions sometimes goes against your moral compass and that's why you stress so much over it. Let okay and the block button be your best friend, heal and truly move on to the life that you truly seek for yourself!!
i'm having a really difficult time in my relationship right now--jealousy, insecurity, anxious attachment, i made a mistake and broke his trust on me, blaming myself, guilt, fear of abandonment and literally feeling like i fucked up and I'm gonna lose the person i love, etc etc. And i thank youtube for recommending your videos. i started with one, and today i ended up spending most of my day listening to you. you are helping me a lot. thank you so much for creating these contents. sending you lots of love from the Philippines. please don't stop creating these videos.
I love what you said about being in the role of the judge instead of the auditionee. "This is the life that this person has chosen for themselves. How does it suit me? Are they the type of partner I want?" You're absolutely right, a man's behavior says NOTHING about my value. It's his reality.
I can easily detach from people, but not workplaces. So I love what you said about don’t accept role of victim. I need that part discussed way more. Every workplace is toxic to me, I prefer to not be in the trenches, but have yet to figure out my way out of that.
I too had very hard times at work (and elsewhere!). I am discovering I have unresolved childhood trauma. Yes, my workplaces were often toxic, but I am really, really sensitive...I applied for disability after finding a good lawyer, and we won. I now work part-time at low-key job settings
@@overkillblackjack2910 I recognize toxic straight away at this point. And because I want to exist I am hated. I see it everywhere and it wins out with management.
I could take the road you have but I’m certain it’s be less than $1000/month.
@@chilloften with a part-time job I am looking at roughly $1700 per month. Also, if I may suggest: don't avoid looking at your responsibility. Yes, they are toxic, but what part do you play? Over-sensitive? The following is a great quote, and it stings a bit: ""If I am not the problem, then there is no solution." Recovery and therapy are teaching me to keep MY side of the street as clean as possible without pointing too much at how dirty their side is. Indeed, this is easier said than done, but progress can be slowly made with support.
This is the best relationship/dating/co-dependency advice video I have ever seen.
It took me over a decade to fully realize these things, and you said it in a concise video. This message is so key.
When you've lived your life being abused, gaslighted, etc. throughout your childhood, it's very hard to see all this, because you are conditioned to self-devaluing- behaviors, coping mechanisms, & perspectives. The validation makes you feel safe, loved, and so much of what you were always trying to get, and the self-valuing of yourself is distracted/seemingly cancelled by fear of loneliness.
People often aren't used to making themselves feel good with those self-affirmations and choices. (We're often told that's selfish, conceited, etc.)
But when done right, the framing of your thoughts on all levels, your actions being viewed by your subconscious, and the way you condition yourself, is lifesaving.
I will listen to this every day until I am healed. I need to remember who the hell I am. Thank you, goddess
You have helped me so much with that phrase “and don’t let that break you”.I’ve held on this tightly and will never let myself feel so small ever again🥰
Detachment - essential to healthy choices.
Please keep covering detachment, it is so helpful for us anxious types 🙏💗💗💗
"They're the master of their own reality, their behaviour has got nothing to say about you" What golden words!💛And also the part where you say "Dont act like its a non choice".
This video is so valuable. I have just ended a relationship because he cheated on me. Despite this betrayal it was really hard to go through with the decision because I had so much invested in the relationship and because I truly loved him (maybe still do unfortunately). It's really hard for me to let go of him, but this video says it so well. His actions don't match the value I want to give to myself. This will be a tough battle for me ahead, cutting all ties, but it is so necssary. Thank you for this video!
I’m so sorry,it is well❤
What’s funny is most people stay in bad relationships because of what others might think if they were to leave, but the worst thoughts others held of you were those they held when you were in those types of relationships. When you leave, people admire you more (I’ve come to notice). In other words, you gain more value because bad relationships are OBVIOUS to everyone around you; others sense them. So, live your wonderful life utterly loving YOU. ❤
Thank you for this lovely video!
This is relevant with family too. I can't believe it would ever have come to that but I have recently detached from my son. The veil dropped for me - that his reality and my position in it is not the reality I want for myself. and yes, my brain was rationalising my status of me to his. very painful to come to accept the realisation of this. now the path forward. so glad i stumbled across this video to validate my thoughts, feelings and action.
Right after my breakup a month ago, the first video was yours (not this one) which resonated with me so much. As a man with anxious attachment , I usually get codependent in relationships and get into such situations as you describe. The problem is that we are not aware of our self worth , can't connect to myself. Feel like I have childhood wounds, wrong beliefs , fears etc. Work needs to be done.. thanks, sending love❤
Simon Cowell would not accept any less and neither should I. 🙏
Thank you margarita for your beautiful mind and perspective on life.
Thank you so deeply much, your perspective is helping me in the biggest crisis of my life.
My stepmother died last christmas from cancer while my father chose to react with getting back to drink himself unconsciuos. Last thing my step mother did in her life is arranging an appointment at rehab for my father and asked me to bring him there. I did, 2 days later she died.
I supported my father the following weeks so much, tried my very best, arranged the funeral by myself while he was in rehab. Even quit my apartment to move in his apartment so that he won't be alone when he comes back. Days later I found him dead in his apartment, he got out of rehab without telling me, he drank himself to death. Knowing I'm the only person having the key to his apartment. So, absolute hell broke lose for me. Instead of grieving for one loved person, I had to realise I lost two persons. I have no siblings so I had to arrange a double funeral all by myself.
And my partner didn't even came to the funeral, he said "it would traumatize him more".
Weeks and months went by, I had to organize everything my parents left.
Then my partner said, he wants a pause from me because we would fight too much, but he wants to start all over again 4 weeks from now.
Then a friend of me died.
I was in despair, I couldn't believe it. So much loss within 5 months.
In the pause my partner wanted I freaked out, I didn't unterstand and contacted him to get answers.
I told him I would pay for partner therapy.
End of the story: we met again weeks later, he told me he loves me but I deserve better.
And I should work on myself because I'm projecting the loss of my father on him.
Then cried, I should forgive him, he can sacrifice himself to have a friendship with me.
4 more weeks of lose contact, trying to digest the closest person in my life while still being not able to digest the trauma of finding my dead father.
Will take my things from my ex's apartment this week and then quit contact, become dettached finally.
Hardest emotional challenge to become dettached from my father who broke my heart and at the same time becoming dettached from a partner who showed his real face in the worst time of my life.
So thank you again deeply for your perspectives 🙏
Your partner pulled away from you at a time when you needed him the most. He sounds very self centered, losing him may be the silver lining to this dark cloud.
It's time for you now, go and be.
@@johnconnor3865Thank you for taking your time and empathy to read my long text and even reply.
What you say is the harsh truth I am slowly accepting.
The silver lightning in the dark clouds is a good metaphor.
Wish you all the best.
The best thing about being my age (55) is I have realized living a full, joyful life doesn’t require a partner.
Also, 'He doesn't match the value I have given to myself' (well in my case, she doesn't match). Genius Margarita
Focus on you and the focus becomes you.♥️
Wow love this
I am literally crying. Everything you said resonates so deeply.
If they don't see value in you, they are not for you. Let them go. ♡
I think the main problems are:
1. I will be alone if I have standards
2. There is no one there who fits my wishes..
I hear you yes
You must be taking life way too seriously if you won't be able to find someone who fits your wishes... life is saposse to be fun. You dont need to find someone who is perfect. Someone who respects you is key and obviously someone who is matching your reality.. aka your respect.
You're already telling yourself you won't be able to ... if you let go of the idea that you won't and just let it be, then you will.
This 100% I love having found this channel. As a man I have been suffering from attachment and insecurity but I’ve been trying my best to be better to myself! But the hardest part of detaching and being loyal to myself is how the person you are attached too, feels so good in the moment and that moment is the excuse to come back!
It’s crazy. I’m dealing with this with a narcissist. He proposed and I made a decision he wasn’t the type of person I wanted in my life. He then came back, pretended like he changed his whole persona;---lovebombed me, DEVALUED ME, sold me a fantasy……. And then left me high and dry for another women. Shocker.
I want to say that i wish i could have watched this from like 16-24 but the truth is when you're in the moment of extreme attachment, you're blind to all of the coulds and shoulds for yourself because you're too busy doing for them. I actually like your bit about accepting with an open heart if you stay with a person like this. It's about remedying your cognitive dissonance which can be done by changing your ideas to match your behavior or changing your behavior to match your ideas. In doing so, you put yourself in a better emotional and mental space to move forward.
Margarita is that auntie I wish I had, she tells it how it is and how you need to hear it. Thank you girl, I feel empowered each time I watch one of your videos. Thank you !
Your words are magic. God has given you the power to influence others. I don't appreciate people much .. But the way you deliver your thoughts are just amazing.
Wow, thank you
You just said more truths in one video than anyone else in dozens of videos... Thank you, you truly know what you're talking about... Spot on..... ❤
I feel like you’re the wise sister we all never have. Your words have become my remedy, Margarita. Thank you for doing this for us ❤
The role of the judge vs the role of the auditionee is a veeery good analogy, thank you for that
As a life coach myself this woman is truly a boss. I love her delivery her confidence and her messages 👏🏽 spot on as always
I understand that when you are so GIVING and self less, you tend to attract these kinda ppl who just take away everything from you just to make you realise that YOU really do matter than anybody else.
I just wanted to express how gratefull I am to you Margarita❤I have never come across anyone hete on youtube who speaks with such clear,intelligent, resonating, powerfull beautiful ways of explaining how these topics really work and how to free ourselves from it.I have learnt more from you in this last week that I have discovered you than in these last years of other youtubers I follow.You are like the big sister I never had and I really want to thankyou from my heart to yours❤
"He doesn't match the value I've given to myself."
to me , personally, this is the most important video from you . I didnt chose me, i overstayed far too long in a relationship. I devalued me . I put on weight, had no energy to progress in my carrier... guess what ? they left me for someone .. after going through all emotions, now 9 months in recovery , i accept , that it was down to me. he did what he did, that wasn't nice either , but i allow it . i couldn't do it better thou at the beginning. I was 18 when we met, and finally felt, someone was listening to me, seemed love to me after a chaotic family life and i wanted to keep him, like my life depends on it. he and this relationship is my biggest lesson. for many of us, value ourselves, be comfortable alone ( even thou we are practically always been left alone without safety network ) seems frightening. to let all illusions go, and go with what we have , and rely on ourselves is the hardest part - but also a beautiful journey .
Are you kidding me? This just popped up on my list right in my Face and I’m listening. I am listening very intently.
It will change your life :)
@@Margarita..Nazarenko fake
I started watching your videos and each time it gives me a little more hope and self-confidence. It's me and my reality and I'm a person of value ❤
Thank you so much. It’s so difficult when you’re in the thick of these relationships, but in retrospect this is spot on. I have so many regrets because I’ve wasted so much time suffering in relationships, feasting on scraps.
I feel this towards those who I used to consider as friends. They ghost and gossip about me😔
I have a big heart❤️ but lately I feel down due to my declining optimism. It is time to let them go I think without holding grudges or anything.
Margarita has been cooking them margaritas 🎉
I cannot stress enough how powerful and helpful your videos are. You’re my most precious followed account on here and I follow quite a few. Keep up the amazing job that you do, because what you do genuinely has got a huge impact on a lot of people, I’m certain it’s not just me. Thank you!
Thank you again. You are so right. Detachment is the key. ❤
THANK YOU!... I am married to a man for 41 years, married and alone! Been unhappy for many years, tried everything, was very young and in a religious cult. He is still in there I left in 2015, our marriage has failed but because he does not beat me, not a drunk, not a sexual perv, not abusive, is a great provider, BUT.... has no interest in ANYTHING !! is emotionally absent in our marriage..we can sit in the pool for 4-6 hours and not say a word...he can has no interest in anything, will not even look at a T.V program with me . ( I love to learn , I like to research stuff, ect so I watch things that are of interest..can not stand watching reality shows ect ) I have to stay in this marriage because there is NO scriptural basis to leave him, ( he has not committed any sexual sin ect) So, I must find a way to be happy WITHOUT HIM!! You have helped me make sense of this, and now I have a mat to stand on.
Just wanted to say that as a man, your content is very helpful and still very relatable. We might be in the minor demographic with your videos, but they've definitely changed the lives of many of us!
Margarita, I absolute love your podcast and your CZcams videos. This vid is no exception, this is amazing advice, the analogies you use really help to reframe situations in the mind (to then hopefully manifest into reality). I can’t thank you enough for keeping me accountable, and reminding me to always ask myself ‘what would my higher self do in this situation?’ as well as cultivating compassion for my past self who didn’t know better. We must stick to the course of healing even after a horrible relationship has ended because ultimately, it is about attaining and maintaining the healthiest version of the relationship with oneself. You’re a true blessing, so grateful for all the wisdom you share xox
I needed this more than you know. I think about your advice daily. Thank you. ❤
This is great. Being abused is wrong but staying in abusive relationships thinking the other person should or can change for you is choice that is going to keep you abused. Putting the focus on what will change your situation, which is not the person treating you wrong, it’s you, what you actively choose. If you don’t want do be abused but stay it is you who need reparenting if you want a different situation. Great post! Focus on what will make the change happend
Margarita you and your podcast your ytube videos are the best thing i found during the self development journey i've been going through for years!! Finally someone who treats every side of the problem in a very clear, quiet and strong way , much of love and support ❤️ thanks for everything you do
Your videos always always help me realize my worth. Currently going through a breakup. I unfortunately sent him a 20 mins read letting him know all the problems in the relationship and how I did so much for him for him to give me nothing in return. Haven’t heard back from him when I sent it. But this video really just keeps reminding me that he has his choice. And I have mine. Our wants and needs did not align and I will have to accept it. I have to focus on my self first and become independent finally. Just thank you. It’s hard to describe how I’m feeling really but your videos do keep me pushing 😔
There is this;
Accept circumstances, as though you’ve chosen them.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE- accept with cheat out!
Own it. There is POWER in owning your choices!
This is something you never hear but is hands down - Boss.
Thank you.
This was so helpful, and can be applied to other types of relationships/interactions as well. I'm lucky to have a wonderful husband and circle of good friends, but there are other people I'm starting to prune out of my life because they don't treat me with respect (and haven't for a long time). This video was very timely and gave me a lot of clarity, I subscribed a few minutes in.
You are so lucid, it's refreshing to hear someone speak so clearly on the subject of healthy detachment. I look forward to watching more of your videos!
as always, I needed to hear this thank you for explaining this, I feel we are not taught this enough or are afraid to step out of our comfort zone.
Couldn't be said better. You don't have to suffer in your relationship. You don't have to tolerate him watching virtual women, him not respecting you the way you deserve. You live only once, love yourself and seek people who treat you the way you want to be treated
You dont know how much your words consoles and teach me to know myself 🙂
Loved the concept about your mind and your reality will line up. Keep our standards/vision/goals/what we want in a relationship high!
I needed this! More so for friendship and work things. I know I’ve been doing WAY more to pour into someone and I was doing exactly this putting this girl on a pedestal because of all her accolades, and realizing I’ve been not standing in my value .. sometimes I felt like damn will I find powerful successful women friends again ? And now I’m like wait I am a successful woman, and there are MANY OF US!!!
So true, our brains want to satisfy the ego so badly or we’ll feel crazy. It’s why I try to live in reality and not entertain my delusions or make assumptions about things I don’t know for certain, like another person’s intentions!!
This articulates so well my feelings. Thanks heaps ❤