My Delusional Fiancé Cheated on Me When I Was Pregnant. MIL and SIL Took His Side, Ruined My Whol...
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- čas přidán 17. 06. 2024
- 00:00 1st story:
My fiance cheated on me and I'm pregnant (u/Which_Consequence340 in r/TrueOffMyChest)
13:14 2nd story:
AITAH for wanting to leave my wife because she had a "go bag"? (u/sadhusbandry and u/sadhusbandry2 in r/AITAH)
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Gameplay by @ninakori
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I hate this story with a passion, ive heard it so many times, COMMUNICATE PEOPLE it will save lives, and saves relationships
Bro remember if he can do that he wasnt the one in the first place, he never really loved her.
People these days don't know what that is.
I am all for taking revenge, but a very, VERY important rule to follow when taking revenge is to ALWAYS confirm if there is a reason to take revenge for.
OP seems like a doormat, can't you at least get mad a little? He literally just killed your child.
It's always better to be as stoic as possible, even to the point where people think you're sociopathic. And keep your emotions for close family and trusted friends. And remain that way even when his family tries to apologize after the truth comes out. Let them fear the potential fallout of when and if you snap. Even if that'll never happen and you move on without a singular word to them after. And the fact that, if you were always so outwardly happy and energetic/extroverted, you were reduced to what seems like a silent husk. That would destroy their image if they ever cared for it.
Not his fault. He was confronting a cheater who never even told him she was pregnant. Tragic, yes, his fault, no.
@@MacerXGP She wasnt cheating though and he didnt even bother to get an explanation so hes at fault; hell he even cheated on her out of spite....
@@darronpattel sure, he shouldn't have shut down communication and shouldn't have revenge cheated
@@MacerXGPall of what you said, that he should've communicated and shouldn't have revenge cheated is exactly why all of it was his fault. His stupidity caused someone's reputation to be ruined and for her to lose her child. Someone like him shouldn't have been in a relationship.
"You dyed your hair red, that's how I know you cheated." Whoa, carful there, stretch armstrong, you're gonna give yourself a hernia reaching like that.
"Why doesn't she trust me!?"
(shows everybody why it turns out she couldn't trust him)
How did he do that exactly? She’s the one to blame for the divorce
First story
Ffs learn to use your words like an adult ….
“Hey from when is that vid ?”
“2019”
Would you look at that… unnecessary drama avoided
If you can not communicate like an adult… you shouldn’t be getting married
Guy in the first story deserves to be alone for the rest of his life for what he did. Like how can you just assume someone has never dyed their hair before?
well not assumed, she said so
@@REYCER0he he assumed that she cheated cause her hair was dyed.
@@classicrockkid345looked*
Honestly, OP needs a new life away from everyone.
If you cut as deep as possible on an ASSUMPTION… you are clearly not mature enough to be a husband.
I couldn't have forgiven him. At least she didn't forgive those who made light of her miscarriage. However, I just couldn't forgive. And here's the thing: I don't hold hate in my heart if I don't forgive you. It's not weighing me down with anger or bitterness. I just don't forgive you. I move on and that's it. You aren't a constant thought, and especially if you didn't ask for forgiveness I'm not going to just give it to you.
Thank you! Forgiveness is overrated IMO. No, I don't forgive you, but I now understand you better so I know what to expect from you if I ever interact with you again.
Story 1, makes me so anger, I don’t know how op could forgive her ex, If I was in her position he’d be six feet under.
Holy fuck she forgave him 🙄
Probably just to shut him up. You saw how he got when he supposedly thought she cheated on him. Hope she has better luck with men when she moves to her new country.
Forgave but didn't forget i
@@southernflight5078 If he didn't cheat she might not have been stressed out enough to miscarry also. Men like him give men a bad name and only further the narrative of these third wave feminists nutjobs...
I would never forgive that....
@@jessicathompson236 Here's the thing. Forgiving is part of moving on. Forgiving is letting go so you no longer hurt yourself when you think about it. It's not about saying what they did was okay. And it's not letting them back into your life.
Every, man, woman, and child should have a bug out bag. You never know when you got to hide yo kids, and hide yo wife.
Also dont forget to change the items based on the season. Winter clothes during winter etc.
True, but trust was the issue
Story 2: What really worries me is reddits reaction painting him as an abuser just bc they don't like his reaction ( i dint like it too but come on people) that just shows how easy it is to get painted to something really fast. This stuff destroys lives!!!
S2: The go bag isn't the problem, but lack of communication is. OP's wife confessed she prepared on a chance OP turned abusive. Which, as a woman, is something I could understand but at the same time - why marry someone you don't trust or lowkey expect to turn abusive?
I don't think it'd be too nice to be married to someone who thought they have to be prepared to run away from me because they fear I'd turn psycho one day.
The go bag is just a reflection of deeper issues going on in that relationship.
FYI, sudden onset mental disorders are a thing, not to mention that some people just become worse over the course of a relationship. I've personally witnessed several of my family members, both male and female, become practically unrecognizable and very dangerous to be around literally overnight because that's when their brains started misfiring for no expected reason.
And that's not considering the possibility that your spouse might have just been really good at lying to you. There's a reason why most neighbors and family members of serial k*llers often go "oh, he was the nicest guy."
Without me going into personal details on CZcams let’s just say shit happens.
Too many relationships seem to run along perfectly fine until a switch flips one day and you need an out. That's true for men and women, though statistically women are at greater risk. Life and people can be extremely unpredictable and there's nothing wrong with being a little too careful
@@lnsflare1 almost all mental illnesses develop early the only one i know off that is completely unpredictable is BPD and even that typically requires preexisting conditions or massive mental trauma so deff not just falling out of the sky.
@@alohajesus9789 Stuff like Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia/Schizo-affective Disorder commonly starts displaying themselves in one's twenties, to say nothing of things like brain tumors and other physiological conditions that can alter an adult's personality suddenly, with no external symptoms beforehand.
2nd Story: Look, I'm a military lifer, and have bug-out bags for each member of family, it's good planning; my wife was in an abusive relationship before too so I see both sides but she started herself that she essentially did not trust OP. 15 years strong but if I found out she made a bag and plans to leave if I got abusive with no signs of it then I would leave and let the chips fall where they may. Everyone says trust, loyalty and fidelity are the most important things in a marriage but two of those three were missing in OP's case.
NEVER love ANYONE more than you love yourself!!!🙅🏾♀️🙅🏾♀️🙅🏾♀️
Wtf? Op....him and his family are psycho!
Run, the red flags have turned to giant sheets
I think people are willfully missing the reason the wofe had her little bug-out bag, she was convinced her husband would abuse her. Like if she hates him that much, why'd she marry him?
I'm pretty sure you are a man, so you won't 100% understand how women feel about these things. I'm not a very attractive woman but I've still been SA'd in various situations. Plus, having such a bag doesn't necessarily mean you should expect abuse, don't you have absolutely no contingency plans in case something happens out of your control? Again, maybe it's a female thing to expect the worst, to overprepare.
However, taking such huge offence does seem strange to me, if you feel confident in yourself, then why be bothered by it?
The funniest thing was when the OP asked how do I convince her that I'm not an *****. Maybe by just moving on from it?
@@lacedhexes except she specifically said she thought he would in the future. So again why did she marry him if she holds him in such low regard?
he took offense for the same reason women are offended over paternity tests: they’re being accused of something they didn’t do. If you don’t trust your partner, why be with them in the first place? I highly doubt you tell a woman to just “move on” from being accused of cheating on her husband and trying to pass off the baby as his.
I understand both sides of both arguments. Men want certainty the kid is theirs, women feel betrayed and disrespected. But, much in the same way statistics show women are often abused by men they’re in relationships with, many men find out kids they raised for years are the product of their wife’s/girlfriend’s infidelity. Hell, it’s a common thing to hear about on Reddit. At the end of the day OP and his wife had issues over trust, and so the relationship was destined to fail in the long run. Divorce was the best solution.
@@lacedhexes As a man who has told the story of my multiple SA's in STAR (Sexual Trauma and Recovery) Groups mostly in front of all women, who were in tears by the end, I get the need for some form of control as I won't be in a room by myself with anyone who isn't close family(SA'ed by 2 family friends{male and female}, a ex-girlfriend and her friend, and a superior in the military which resulted in a daughter). My wife has her own trauma but we trust each other enough to not essentially accuse the other of being or possibly being a monster, it's not a relationship anymore you are just cohabitating.
She had lingering trauma that wouldn’t go away.
Trauma doesn’t care about logic and reason.
It's wrong to have a hidden go-bag when there are no red flags, and it's wrong to ask for a DNA test when there are no red flags as well. OP in story 2 wasn't blaming anyone on that update, he knew he wanted to divorce his wife already before posting. You don't need to have a reason to divorce, if you don't want to stay married no one can force you to stay.
About the go-bag story, my parents asked me to do the same thing when I got married. They also suggested a secret bank account, just in case. In my case, I was a few states away from any family, so it made sense at the time. Fortunately, it never came to that. People have insurance in case of emergencies, the bag is more or less the same thing.
That second story guy went from 0-100 pretty quick and is acting to hastily. Seeing as they have children involved id say they should go to couples counselling at the very least cus its not like she was unfaithful. I blame reddit for filling her mind with nonsense in the first place though and not the wife, just making that clear.
The husband will be the one at fault for over reacting if he just tries to end things though and would prolly have a tough time in court if she decides to give him one, but Id still blame redditors for their deceptive tactics, and harsh unhinged reactions to his post, which prolly only made things worse for her...
Go bags are a smart thing to have, every member of your household should have one tailored to them for emergencies.
Haha...so, you find your wife has a plan b to leave your ass and is hiding it from you...and he is the problem. Your thinking is wild. She lives and dies by reddit...her choice.
@commoguru little different situation, but you are correct.
@@chrismccloskey2502 My thinking is not wild cus they have a child together, plus hes also letting reddit influence him in his decision as i already explained...
@@darronpattelThey both let the internet influence their words and actions, they deserve each other
I'm gonna go against the consensus here and say op 2 was initially nta for wanting a divorce. I honestly think it's totally fair to not want to be with someone that will never fully trust you, I also don't think the SO was in the wrong for wanting to feel safe in her home but at the end of the day a marriage is doomed to fail if both parties can't 100% trust their partners not to abuse them.
for the second story the dude is absolutely correct to be upset. she literally told him she though he would abuse her. assuming the story was real, its reddit so likely not, and assuming he was 100% honest in the story, its totally reasonable to be upset about something like that.
The problem isnt the go bag. Is how she deep down thinks he will be abusive to her and the daughter in time. Glad op is divorcing her. She erased the trust build in 5 years and you can't come.back from that. I hope op expects the worst in the divorce I wouldn't be surprised if she paints him as an abuser and that's why she had those go bags ready
The DNA test comparison was spot on.
@@gostavoadolfos2023not really men are more likely to beat their wives than wives are to cheat. This has been proven repeatedly throughout history and is still very much a thing. Relgion still teaches men they can beat and cheat on their wives all they want but women must be submissive and take it since its her fault. The manosphere stuff also is renforcing this belief. So honestly id be fine if my wife or gf had one. Its a bag. Id be more pissed about the money if we're struggling. Also hes not really the picture of a good man with how hes reacting to people.
The males in here are why women choose the bear lol. Whether u wanna hear it or not, statistics don't lie, and even U may find urself in a bad situation. It isn't there to soothe ur feels. Ppl cannot know if they'll be in a potential abüsive relationship, it's not about NOT having trust. Ppl change, and when they do change, you'll still get blamed for not being prepared or not seeing the signs. Glad he's leaving her so this women could be free of this toddler. Put away ur ego just for, one minute.
@@smalcal6365never met you, but im 100% certain that you only look at statistics when its in your favor...
I feel like op2 was 100% right in leaving her she made a go bag specifically for if he was abusive to her for 0 reason other than "some people told me to do it" that's a heavy breach of trust just imagine if he did that make a go bag for if she was abusive and she made the post how many people would be like "yeah he should have one just in case" no I'm sure those people would be like "you need to get out of the toxic relationship" since if you think they are going to be abusive you're going to consciously or not look for potential signs of abuse where there are none and convince yourself that they are abusive she didn't make the go bag for if the house got damaged nor did she make one for him she made on in case he was abusive to her
It’s not the go bag itself it’s the fact that his wife felt like she needed to and keep it from him because he can turn out abusive that’s like a slap in the face to the significant other especially if they never showed any signs of being abusive
People don’t always show signs they’re about to turn abusive - at least not signs that are obvious now but are in hindsight.
@@lbeard7661 but if you are that scared they will
turn abusive why marry them? Why put yourself in that position? If that makes sense
@@frankiemarie4365 because abusers are very good at wearing masks and hiding their true nature until the other person is more trapped.
#2... Seems like he was already looking for a reason to leave bc leaving over her having a go back seems pretty excessive and yes i know it was actually his perception of her not trusting him, but that wasn't the case really. I don't know just seems excessive.
Wait they reddit made 2nd OP tue bad guy? Smfh. People are always talking about trust but then when someone does something like this the offended party is the bad one?
1st op needs to get away from him
Story 1 there was a story almost exactly like this except there wasn’t a pregnancy involved. Even down to the whole hair dye part
Except his wife had it solely for herself and daughter against him , if she'd made one for him as well it would be different. Reddit is extremely toxic and she's an idiot taking anyone at their word on that site and now she ruined her marriage.
Bullseye 🎯
She came to the marriage with the expectation of divorce. Well she got her wish
Altough I'm not against go-bags and I actually think it is pretty necessary, they way the wife put it - 'Its in case I have to run' - and implied he would be the cause of said emergency, perhaps was the problem. I wouldnt be with a guy who kept a go-bag because of me. But OP is just thinking about his hurt fellings, instead of thinking that this is an opportunity to bring him and his wife close - plus adress underlying problems, like trust. Blaming Reddit for his choices is wild!
She destroyed his trust because of her lack of communication. If he stays he will always be wondering when the false accusations of abuse will come
@@ianmoritzplatapino3684 Yup. And that is on her. Once again, I do think go-bags are a Just, but the way she Said really is the issue here.
His reaction justified the bag lol I’m sorry but he made the bed he’s currently smothering in.
Why'd she marry him if ahe doesn't even like her?
@@georgeprchal3924 But It didnt sau she doesnt like him? Or are you saying he didnt like her?
A bug out bag is fine if its for general safety but if a gf of mine had one specifically designed for domestic violence and she didn't have a history of it......id probably walk away for my safety its just to risky paranoia can be a real relationship killer on either end
He didn't blame the reedit for deserve, why the well the chanel owner put that on the title. Good he leave her. And probably the people that were defending her were women
It is a very smart idea to have a “go bags” no matter male or female. Yes it’s based on the suggestion given to people in abusive relationships. It is also telling that you are so offended by a safety net.
Some people aren't ready to be told they represent a threat to their love ones
@@MacerXGPwhat is this Minority Report? The wofe has presience and can see the future?
@@georgeprchal3924 All I ever tried to say was dude isn't a baby killer, everything else is another conversation 🤷
@@MacerXGP that doesn't pertain to the second story.
@@georgeprchal3924 Oh, sorry. I was getting so much flack for something I said on story 1 I assumed all the replies I was getting were about that.
Cheers, mate
I will say that a lot of men do have an equivilent to a " go bag." We just call it a bug out bag. Or at least thats what we call that around here. Just a back pack to grab in case you need to gtfo.
Well, I have another thing to add to my already long lists of "ThAt'S rAcIsT!"..... statistics
For second story if a prenup is right then so is this ,op excuse about statistics don't apply to individual.... individuals set statistics.....and prenup is also not needed if that is the reason
Story #2 - I get why OP felt like his wife didn't trust him, but the proper response to that is to help her feel safer and be dependable, NOT file for divorce and blame her.
I'm a single man, and I have a bug-out-bag (two actually, one under my bed, one in my car). It's pragmatic and useful in many situations. I'd have offered to help her build a better one so she felt more at ease. If she needed to run for any reason, she's going to want more than clothes, tampons and cash. She should also have copies of birth certificates, things like a physical address book with number to places like her insurance company, family, etc because if you leave in a hurry, that is not the time to check couch cushions for your phone, lol. If she needed to run, then where will she run to? If it's a shelter, she's going to want some way to secure her cash, and likely a can of pepper spray. There are a million other considerations.
I would also talk to her to see what else I could do to make her feel more secure. I'd encourage her to maintain a separate savings account with no card or checkbook, and just direct deposit $50 every paycheck into it. I might recommend some self-defense classes and help her find a good instructor (there are a lot of shit instructors teaching women's self defense out there, not all classes are equal). I'd encourage her to make new friends and build out a better system of social support. I'd even recommend she volunteer at a women's shelter for a few hours a week so she can get a much better sense of what people in that situation actually need.
I would also remind her that most Mommy-bloggers are crackpots... it's not too hard to prove that, lol. I would encourage her to find more reputable sources of information and discuss with her the perils of projecting her own life onto other people's tragic stories because empathy isn't equivalency and many people fall into that trap.
It could also be a generalized anxiety becoming hyper-focused on one scenario (domestic abuse). Prepare for that, sure, but risk analysis is critical. I'm big into survivalism, and we see this all the time with the newbies, they're worried about a nuclear war and want to build a fallout shelter, then Covid hits and they can't even wipe their own ass because they didn't prepare for the much more likely scenario of a supply chain disruption and panic buying. You plan for emergencies prioritized by probability, NOT severity. You're generally better off prepping for something mundane like the loss of a job or a house fire than the zombie apocalypse. Domestic abuse is a common scenario, they should BOTH be prepared for that. It often comes out of nowhere without warning, someone just snaps and goes crazy. As fond as Reddit is of the term "Red Flag", that's a luxury, most of the time you do not have the advantage of warning signs. And domestic abuse takes many forms. What if OP's wife just had a mental breakdown herself, a paranoid delusion? She may feel compelled to run without any rational reason, but if that happened, you'd want her to be safe and have the resources to survive until she can be found and receive help. Someone who runs to a hotel is easier to help than someone who runs blindly into the wilderness, and having a plan ahead of time makes a sane choice more likely, even under insane circumstances.
Just because he doesn't hit her doesn't mean he's husband of the year. He seriously over-reacted to the situation without empathizing with her position, then immediately leapt to an extreme response (divorcing over a duffle bag). And in his mind, he's always right, always justified and anyone who disagrees is an idiot. I think I understand why she has this anxiety.
id say in general you are right, but also her go back had a reason in particular and not in general, and it was him specifically, i would say he really over reacted but as much she is in her right to feel the need to have one, he has the right to ot feel untrusted, and at the end he isn´t forcing her to not having one (wich would actually be abusive), but don´t want to be in the marriage anymore
As a women the go bag was a slap in the face for that man like if she is that scared he will turn abusive she shouldn’t have married him but that’s just my two cents
Having Go Bags arnt a bad thing at all really, Assuming the reason why someone has one is indeed bad, Like I can understand the OP being upset about feeling distrusted in Story 2, But should have at most gone to couple counceling first before going straight divorce
He is doing the right thing in ending the marriage. When trust is obliterated like this. No amount of counseling will be enough to rebuild it. He will always wonder when will she accuse him of abuse
She's probably already found a replacement guy and was thinking about exiting.
People switch up. Many spouses go on for years then become abusive. Its understandable yet wife should have sit down, talk and ask for reassurance if that's what she needed.
Divorce migh have been a bit drastic though understandable as well.
jfc a go bag is not a lack of trust, HOUSE FIRES HAPPEN but yeah go off king you sure showed her not to prepper.
her reasons were bad though and bugout bags are only good in the house if everyone knws whre to look for it.
@@darronpattel There have been many instances of spouses killing their whole family after decades of apparent bliss and yes it tend to be men. It's an understandable thought process. Not right but very valid.
She literally admitted it’s because she’s afraid of him abusing her or their daughter, so it is about trust in this case.
She literally admitted to having that bag for the spul reason of when he might turn abusive
She actually said it out loud
I wouldn’t be inclined to stay in a relationship where the foundation isn’t there
Trust is such a basic necessity
If that isn’t there
The relationship is doomed
Typical rogue feminist, blaming the man when the woman made this mistake here
Smart women have a go bag. Just in case. Because he might be OK now. But men can react to life events differently.
Smart men do paternity tests on their kids. So they don't raise another man's child.
Here's the thing about the go-bag in general: most likely, he is substantially bigger and stronger than her, so even if he's the nicest guy in the world who would never hurt her of his own volition *now* , just one unexpected student onset mental disorder of the type that can suddenly erupt out of nowhere later and she might be trapped in a house with someone who can and possibly will toss her around like a ragdoll, at which point a go-bag (which is a good thing for anyone of any gender to have on hand in any case, because house fires and other disasters are a thing) means that she's got some way to quickly make an escape.
Honestly good for op's wife that he divorced her. She deserves better and he just seems insecure and mad. He literally flipped a switch because of something as simple as a to go bag. Wife deserves better and clearly had.a reason not to trust him completely
19:11 why does this guy care so much what other people think about him? He cares so much about the opinions of strangers that he's going to throw away a marriage! In a way I feel really sorry for him because he's going nuclear due to his inability to regulate his emotions. How sad.
Story 2: gaslighting as its finest
The second story honestly seems like a sexist circle-jerk. (Sexism towards men.)
If she really thought her husband was gonna turn around and abuse her, why did she marry him? I get that women are susceptible to abuse, especially from men, but if you're really so afraid your partner is gonna abuse you to the point you have a 'go bag' that you're keeping secret from him, I think that's about the point where you should look internally and ask 'why am I staying in this relationship?'
It's really unfortunate how this guy was dog-piled on by idiots on reddit, when, if the genders were reversed, people would likely have told the wife to leave him immediately.
It's also unfortunate how this CZcamsr decided to just follow the crowd and label the title as putting him in the wrong. What the fuck, Secretvoices?
Reddit idiots honestly piss me off, they are ruining lives by bullying people into submission and they just laugh about it
The 2nd OP sucks so much. Therapy would've helped
Haha.. so, you find out your so is has been lying to you for years and has a back up plan to ditch you. Not for anything you did, but for what they read on reddit? Okay. Betcha you'd think different if it happened to you.
@chrismccloskey2502 women are absolutely told this from a young age, acting like its a personal attack and that statistics dont matter mean youre a part of the damn problem
@chrismccloskey2502 its nice to be safe rather than sorry
@@randomloseranddull1560 Maybe be safer rather than sorry by saying it's for emergencies in general (which is the truth) instead of telling your partner they represent a threat to you, it's unnecessary and causes tension.
What's he need therapy for? He's not the one who's paranoid about his wife plotting to do him in.
He cheated on her because she had a life before him? What in the fresh hell? Cheating out of spite and purposely hurting one person, based on assumptions. What sociopathic behaviour. It's telling though. Imagine if she would have married that scum.
Anyone in comments complaining about that woman having a go bag is absolutly creepy and showing all their red flags.
Anyone's defending the wife basically calling her husband abusive and accusing him of a serious crime and shocked when the person there accusing doesn't react like its butterfly and rainbows are narcissistic and showing all there red flags don't be in a relationship if you can't trust your partner Misandrist