How to STOP Being Desperate | From Desperate to Dream Girl | Real Solutions!
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- čas přidán 27. 04. 2024
- If there’s one trait that is universally attractive its confidence. On the other hand, if there is one thing that is universally unattractive, it’s desperation. In a best-case scenario desperation makes people feel sympathy and pity for you, in the worst-case scenario it causes them to feel pressure, discomfort, secondhand embarrassment and even disgust in some cases. Desperation clouds your vision, and it clouds your judgment. It attracts the most toxic types to you and the mistreatment you receive from those types creates or reinforces all sorts of negative self-beliefs and insecurities which makes it more likely that you’ll settle for toxic types in the future. It’s an extremely vicious cycle.
I know some women want to go from desperate to dream girl, they are in desperate situations that they want to fix. Others want to move on. They want to stop overcompensating and stop repeating the pattern of attracting and choosing people who will treat them poorly.
I’ve had desperate women use this advice; have the man they were chasing start chasing them only to realize they don’t want him anymore. Because like I said in the first dream girl video, who you want when you’re desperate and broken may not be who you want when you’re happy and healed. So be open to that as well.
Whatever your goal, I want to help you get you out of the desperate mindset so you can fix your current relationship or move on and make incredible decisions in the future.
If that sounds like what you’re looking for, let’s get started! - Jak na to + styl
Lost a beautiful comment about being invited to re-watch this as often as need. I went to reply, and it was gone. But it's _so_ important to reinforce that you do not need to feel like you need to master this all at once. Taking space for yourself, making a point to understand the psychology of this dynamic and the results brings while you learn to be your own dream girl first, is the goal 💕💕
Hey sis thanks so much for helping us become better Ladies, how do we get you for private discussions on sensitive topics we can’t openly share in our Community.
"Who you want when you're desperate & broken may not be who you want when you're happy and healed"
THIS is exactly why I'm heading for divorce now.
May all be well with you, dear. All the best
Amen Samantha Amen! 🙏
This wasn't for me specifically. But I was watching this on the living room tv and my mom and sister were listening. They actually came in and sat down to watch. My mom said "she knows what she's talking about" and my sister said "this is free therapy." So it's not just me that loves what you do! I know this will be life changing for the women that need to hear it. I'll be waiting for the good enough girl episode 😆😆
Wow! I love that this turned into a girl talk moment between you, your sister and your mom. It's so great to sit around with the ladies in your life and share opinions and experiences. I appreciate your consistent support and how you share my content. Getting your family's cosign is the cherry on top! 💕
PS - I will make sure Good Enough Girl is comprehensive for you 😉
@@TheFeminineUniverse good time girl here. Can you do a video for us soon pls? I do too much. Help too much. Vibes only too much. I need to think more strategically cuz I get taken advantage of cuz Im always like sure of course yes I'll be there to help you move in the Texas heat. I just want friends and love. :(
This was a clear message for me. Thank you for the information, much appreciated. Lots of love ❤
This was very triggering for me. Because it's true. At 42 it's never too late to go from desperate to desirable. I've been single for 5 years now and I'm glad the best is yet to come.
Addressing your triggers is so strong, Alisha! And when done in a safe, supportive space it can allow you to face things you may have been avoiding but it can also allow you to heal which ultimately allows you to grow. So proud of you for being willing to do the work! Work on what being desirable means to you. Use the "become your own dream girl" list as a reference.
Keep us posted on your journey, love. The best is yet to come! 💕🥂
@@TheFeminineUniverse thank you 😊
Same 43 single 7 years
This stung but was needed. I operated in this mode my entire adult life. At 38, I'm saying... I'm done. I'm so embarrassed at how my relationship with men has been.
Don't be they are just lessons...
Agreed! There's no need to be embarrassed. This is a place to learn and grow. Your past is part of what's made you who you are. And instead of allowing shame to keep you trapped, you are being brave, facing your mistakes and claiming your power to change your own life. I think that's beautiful! I hope you'll keep us posted on your journey. Cheers to knowing and growing, darling 💕🥂
It was a lesson sis, you learned it 💕😘
Me too. 45 and I never even had a normal one
The day I realized that my life was my responsibility, I stopped the 'slavery lifestyle'. I stopped being a Yes woman, doormat, masculine, people pleaser, in continuous giving energy and started putting myself first, loving myself more, elevated my standards values and boundaries. I learned how to say NO unapologetically 😅😸🌟🥀✊🏾😇
Self Love is Truly A Gem I never leave home without PERIOD.
It’s the key to everything, when we’re desperate chasing it also shows a lack of self love❤
ABSOLUTELY 💯!! I stopped seeking validation from people, I learned to validate ME✊🏽
@@LongIslandNY-op8su Amen!!
❤❤❤
Its hard to admit i been out here selling myself short and not loving me.
This applies to marriage as well. Never let a man think that you won’t walk away! (kids or not)
Honestly, I needed this video in my current single era. I stopped dating altogether and started to focus on myself. I would always lose myself in relationships and I hated it. My needs coming second and them coming first. Then they were never grateful bc I signed up to be a doormat. I'm learning now and I won't date until I feel confident enough to walk away when my needs aren't being met.
I love that for you! I hope all goes well!!🥰
I really appreciate that. I hope the same for you. @@wherethequietbeingsgo
OMG GIRL SAME. IM TRYNA GLOW UP
I was that girl, and thanks to you I am no longer that girl. I have healed. Thank you so much❤❤❤
How did you do it please share have suffered
I’m not here to shame any woman or act as if I am better than the next woman because it’s giving masculine energy. We are a community here to heal, learn, and pass what we learn to other women. Thank you for this video it shall be passed on and watched by my daughters also. ❤
Hi ladies!
If it wasn't already abundantly clear how much I care about this community, I present this video as tribute!
I truly hope it can help any woman struggling with this 🙏🏾
I know there may be more questions - please drop them below.
I will be doing a live in May and we will go into even more details💕💕
This is right on time😍❤️🫶🏾
Hi FeminineUniverse,
Thank you for the videos, I'm struggling to get ahead look beautiful and attractive take pictures and post, I used to do those things in the past but had a child out of wed Lock have not recovered since then, please how can I get my confidence back and bring my heart to forgive move on and love again
Thank you ❤
Wow, thank you so much❤
Excellent video 💕
How do you take such a touchy subject and make it digestible? You're truly gifted 😮❤
Thank you, love! As the saying goes, it's not what you say, it's how you say it.
I really pride myself on making complicated, controversial, emotional topics understandable and digestible, as you said, by speaking from a place of love, respect and research. I appreciate you noticing 💕
I'm a dream girl that was giving desperate energy due to childhood trauma of abandonment. Thank you for this!
Honestly this reminded me of my mom. I wasn't allowed to ask for anything unless it was bare necessity and even then...
It reminds me of a timmy turner from fairly odd parents episode, where his crush turned into an overbearing clingy girl , because timmy wished for them to be the only two people in the world. He immediately lost all attraction towards her. Lol random memory
Wish someone had told me this years ago - wasted so much time - younger women take note ❤
When you stop being desperate, your tastes change for the better. This applies to friendships as well with the same gender. Stop being clingy and take a step back and continue doing so even when the other party shows interest. People gonna respect you more when you have options. Pursue hobbies instead of people, you'll have more fun and less emotional damage ✨✌🏾😸
You do such deep, detailed work and you are so appreciated ❤
Thank you so much, Cherisse! The gesture is so appreciated! Knowing my efforts are appreciated and making a difference swells my heart! 💕
great video!! but very hurtfull lol. I was the epidome of a pick me, because my mother was. Now I descentered EVERYBODY and start from scratch and build up my character, life, confidence. It feels so good!!
Relate to putting a certain social status man on a pedestal. Your perception of a person do change how you interact. Most of us have been through situations we are not proud to admit but its part of growing and learning.Keep on striving ladies.❤
I just want to say that I appreciate the analogies and straight no chaser "you need therapy and journaling." Coming out of a desperation Era so I thoroughly enjoyed this video!!
I was intending to watch this while cleaning. Had to sit down 👀 lmao 🙏🩵
Same 😂
Yes because there’s extra gems and jewels I have to pause and take pics and notes.. the visuals align perfectly.
Hahah me cooking when I saw it was half an hour (which I love) but yeah got to sit down and take notes
The crazy thing is i can spot a insecure man quick by certain things but i some how end up being desperate if im at the point of just wantlng to get in a relationship smh but no more... Also doing shadow work, i would try to do more to please my mom and be "good".... I also need to use the take a step back.... i remember a period where i stopped being desperate and had men doing a lot but had desperate women try to scare me saying i will be alone... but im about to build that muscle back
Be confident not desperate
Be happy and healed
Go from desperate to dream girl
Desperation is neediness
Inherited cars, men give zero effort
Men wait for you to step up when you pursue them
You're the free sample at the store when you're desperate
Only Give to someone you appreciate and feel appreciated by
Emorional scars
Maslow hierarchy of needs
Focus on self worth
Attention starved vs well fed
Have Boundaries
Take instead of giving to prevent attracting takers
Stop doing to be lived and focus on the being and accepting yourself as you are
How interesting is it that some of us are only desperate with some people and not others. This is why I didn’t want to fully acknowledge that I have ever acted in a desperate way because I would refer back to times when I wasn’t….brilliant video 🙌🙌 xx
This video has helped me more than any therapist has. Miss Lady, you saved me a ton of $$$! Thanks! 😊❤
This is me. I already know this video is going to be tough to hear but very important for me.
Many pickmes like the sprinkle sprinkle lady being like, “I’ll go for a married man or let a man cheat on me as long as he pays my bills” really need to see this lmao disappointing.
Being desperate attracts predatory, stress inducing people and circumstances.
It makes you no high value women to be moking " pickmes". As she says, many of this womens operate under trauma issues. You dont know what this is , thats why u think of urself superior, come down to earth sweetheart
How is the sprinkle lady a pick me ? I thought she was farrr from it 😮
@@astridediva she made a new video being fully transparent about being with a married man as his side chick for his money. That’s pretty pickme. Oh and saying she doesn’t mind if hes ugly either just as long as he has $$$. Sugaring rebranded.
@@astridedivaallowing a man to cheat as long as he’s paying the bills is still considered pick me. You are allowing a man to cheat because he’s giving you money
There must be a different Sprinkle Sprinkle lady out there because Shera is NOT about that.
Sometimes you are unaware until someone speaks on it and you can relate 😞 This was excellent! THANK YOU
Oooooo!! I was going to say I am so confused because I feel like at different times I’m desperate girl but also out of league girl based on your chart of their behavior. Then at the end it all made sense. I recently learned I have toxic empathy and had to figure out how to navigate that because I truly do love and enjoy giving like you’re saying. I decided that I’m going to be authentically myself but build strong boundaries and discernment about who I be that way towards. Furthermore, because I’ve been working on my self concept I naturally “pleasantly detached” whereas other times I’ve tried that but I’d be mad and or passive aggressive about it (also because lack of boundaries made me scared that I had to be MAD to repel but that didn’t even work lmao)(because of course it didn’t when I’ve been a fountain of everything good in the world without expecting anything back 😩😫). Wish I knew all this stuff in my twenties but I was raised by a woman who deliberately TRAPPED my dad with me by lying about birth control. So. Yeah. The trauma part also applies to me etc lol.
Cos otherwise he’s always talking about me noticing his efforts, me noticing him in general. He wants validation from me and cares what I think even when he tries to hide it lmao. He’s always the one to call me or text me and says he wishes I ever initiated it. I mean he’s straight “needy” in every way but thinks the bare minimum is more than enough because I am so stupidly giving 🤣. If I wanna do something fun and it’s like “I can’t afford it rn” I’ll always always always without hesitation say I can! And I think I accidentally made him incredibly lazy etc.
To sum everything up he will tell anyone who will listen that I am his “dream girl” but treats me like shit??? Lmao. And I mean everyone. His mom, his aunt, his friends, girls he’s talked to even lmao. I seen texts from his friends like “don’t fall in love with her again” lmao. So, naturally I’m like oh ok I’ll BEG him to treat me right 🤦🏻♀️. Such a confusing period of time in my life.
We live, and we learn. Im so glad platforms like CZcams exist so that we share such ideas and advice
I tell you, I see CZcams as a school 😅
HI Sis
At this point we need a whole book.
Everything you say is so relatable 🥰
Sis reading me like an open book 🤦🏾♀️
Wow! This was so eye opening! One thing that really stuck out to me was how the more you do does not mean that you will be liked or appreciated more. I tend to think of myself as confident enough but because of how I was raised, I had to do more for my parents in order for them to not criticize, yell, etc. So I grew up believing that my worth was tied to what I do for others, the fact that was desperate behavior is a whole new fact for me. I love learning that my worth isn't tied to how much I do versus who I am. This changes so much! Keep these videos coming! ❤️
@4:54-5:14 ouch! 😭I only sampled it cause it was free. I don't even like frozen yogurt like that!
🥺🥺 I’m too beautiful to be desperate! Thank you for your kindness and video
I needed this 40 years ago. Thank God for therapy.
I wish I knew this as early as last year, my life would really be better. Well let's get better for the next chapter of my Life.
You hit the nail on the head with this ❤
Thank you for this..
I'm very confident and tend to approach men 1st.. but no more of that after today..
This video was so eye opening and nourishing to my soul .I was compelled to subscribe.
This video was mind blowing!! By far one of the best videos on relationships that I’ve seen. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us!
Best post at right time (growth era) thanks for being my big sis!😊 Staying and keeping healthy!
This was such perfect timing. ❤ you’re amazing! Thank you
Thank you so much for ALL OF YOUR VIDEOS! ❤
I am loving this channel. The information, the tips, the way you keep the content engaging. Im here for all of it!
Very touching video, I learned a lot about the hidden traits of desperation. Every woman, young and old needs to watch this!
So glad you found value here, love!
Yes, always!! @@TheFeminineUniverse
@4:12 ouch always getting last minute plans! 😭
You hit it in the head girl 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thanks, Shay! I appreciate you as always 💕
I could not have said it better myself!💯 Great content! love that you added the solutions.🔥
Glad you enjoyed it, love! I like to be able to provide solutions, not just wallow in the problems😅 I really appreciate your feedback!
you're amazing, your delivery is griping, wow, thank you, am thinking of making my daughter watch some day
Wise advice! Breaking free from desperation and building self-confidence allows for healthier relationships rooted in mutual respect and appreciation. 💪
Thank you for this ❤
I love listening to your videos they are encouraging and enlightening to me! Your talent of expressing the issues and solutions is a gift from God! Always on point!!!❤
Omg you did it! Thank you so much! Sisterly love and hugs your way! 🤗
Had to get it out for you, love! Hope you find it helpful! xoxo 💕
I love your channel! Blessings for you🙏
As always.. you put out truth for all of us ladies. Even.. us gals.. in our 60’s. Self Love to all 🙏🕊️🥰
NEEDED THANK YOU
Such a clever video as always ❤
Thank you for this
You're welcome, love!
I just love you. I bought the cherry perfume you mentioned a while ago and my man LOVES it
What cherry perfume?? Sounds marvelous ❤
Omg! Is it the Wet Cherry Liquor? I'm addicted - so glad you (and your man😉) are enjoying it. Love you too, babe! You've been rocking with me for so long. I appreciate you 💕
Wet cherry liquor ❤
Yaaasss girlll everything is on point
I feel like this video is specifically for me. Thank u sis❤❤❤😊
U r a life saver😊😊😊
I love this 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾❤️
Wow, so much information. Thanks for going above and beyond❤
Here for you, babe! Glad I can help 💕
Great video! I’m going to save this for sure.
Glad you can use this as a resource! 💕
I enjoy all your videos, and they are always so well done and thoughtfully made. One of the things I learned on how not to act desperate due to trauma or not feeling desirable or attractive, is to listen to sermons that speak life with such things as that as women we come with God's favor. That alone has changed my mindset. Also, focusing on me first instead of others first, was a game changer since I can't love my neighbor as I love myself if I don't love myself. ❤😊
Major eye opener
Happy to hear that!
God Bless You. I have no words.
Thank you for this video it came right on time
I'm so glad this was timely for you, love!
This was a very great video. Thank you. 😊
Wow I am just 😮😮😮😮 you hit it! I needed this sooooooo bad! I Appreciate you so much I have learned so much from you ❤❤❤❤thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤
I needed this video. I just broke off an almost 3 year relationship. He’s one of my best friends and we’re great as friends but romantically it wasn’t working. He wasn’t able to treat me the way I deserve and I was worried if I ended things I’d lose him as a friend. I’m lucky we’re still friends and I’m free to work on myself so that I won’t end up in this sort of situation again, I love these videos. They really help me put things into perspective.
Thank you so much for this 😔 you literally spoke right to my heart, mindset and my soul. You described me, my situation and guided me on what to do. This shifted my approach to a more healthy and fulfilling approach dealing with this situation. Honestly i thought he was the problem until I came across this and now I'm going after being my dream girl.... This really blessed my heart and my day🥰😊
Gracias... muchas deep gratitude for your beautiful - gifted words - wisdom ; inner power. Peaceful strength towards healthy, balanced, healed home, lifestyle... Needed this today. Stay well all!!🔥🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋
So informative! Thanks for sharing
Sharing is caring! Glad you found it enlightening, love😘
Great lesson!
Glad it was helpful, love!
Ypu are giving me FREE therapy.
Thank you❤
This was the best f’n video ever!
Needed this
Loved this !! Can we have a talk about why ppl in relationships gravitate towards certain single people ??
I really needed to watch this video. This video was made for me
Thank you❤
First of all, who told you to come from my life the first 15 seconds of this video tho lol ; ‘preciate this sis
Hey Merci 💕
You're very welcome, love! 💕
Very helpful thank you so much ❤
You're so welcome, love! I'm glad this was helpful 😊
I feel like I just had a therapy session. You described me to the letter. Very sad.
Thank you 🙏 😊😊
What a beautiful video 🥰
Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤
This hit home
AWESOME CONTENT❤️
Yes‼️🏆
Love it!!! xoxoxo Excellent!!!!
I appreciate you watching, love! Glad you enjoyed it 💕
I need this.
thank you so much for your efforts, you have no idea how much you help me through my life ❤❤❤ love you so much
You are so welcome, love! So happy I can help. Sending _lots_ of love back to you💕
I just love how real you are! Please tell me your a taurus!!??
I believe she's confirmed that she's a virgo in the comments of a previous vid.
@@bookbutterfly2408 I didn't see, thanks! Grounded though. Makes sense.
@28:03-28:15 a real relationship is about compromise, (so long as it's not morals), not being a robot or maid with no say!
I resonate with alot of the things said. I never felt desperate internally. Like of course i desire certain treatment and id love to have a relationship, but im not going out of my way to have it. Im not doing the most to keep nobody. In the past, i may have just been too tolerant of bare minimum behavior and was too patient with men who were disrespectful. Ive pourrrd into myself & deepened my sense of value & self worth.
Now at this time of my life, im not really being approached by men im attracted to (im not being superficial, they’d have improper grammar, dusty clothes, or kids i dont want this as i dont align with any of that) i d k how to feel, i carry myself well, i pour into myself. I d k what it is…
Like i dont believe im desperate to my core. But maybe my actions express something else.. Im doing the work needed to attract what i want in life. I follow the advice. I pray. I journal. Maybe im not doing anything wrong, but i d k what it is. I have yet to attract a decent guy that genuinely wants to treat me well. That kinda weighs heavily on my heart
Sending love ❤. Hopefully its a phase, and it'll will pass