Ranking Every Mario Kart 8 Track by How Safe It Is
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- čas přidán 17. 05. 2024
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Mario Kart is dangerous, so I put on my safety inspector hat and ranked every Mario Kart 8 Deluxe track by how safe it is.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Timestamps ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
00:00 Intro
00:30 Mario Kart Stadium
01:18 Water Park
01:55 Sweet Sweet Canyon
02:48 Thwomp Ruins
03:36 Mario Circuit
04:07 Toad Harbor
04:43 Twisted Mansion
05:24 Shy Guy Falls
05:57 Sunshine Airport
06:39 Dolphin Shoals
07:05 Electrodrome
07:47 Mount Wario
08:28 Cloudtop Cruise
09:02 Bone-Dry Dunes
09:38 Bowser's Castle
10:14 Rainbow Road
10:38 Moo Moo Meadows
11:18 Mario Circuit (GBA)
11:44 Cheep Cheep Beach
12:16 Toad's Turnpike
12:43 Dry Dry Desert
13:12 Donut Plains 3
13:37 Royal Raceway
14:10 DK Jungle
14:43 Wario Stadium
15:10 Sherbet Land
15:50 Music Park
16:17 Yoshi Valley
16:59 Tick-Tock Clock
17:24 Piranha Plant Slide
17:50 Grumble Volcano
18:21 Rainbow Road (N64)
18:49 Yoshi Circuit
19:23 Excitebike Arena
19:50 Dragon Driftway
20:12 Mute City
20:43 Wario's Gold Mine
21:08 Rainbow Road (SNES)
21:26 Ice Ice Outpost
21:50 Hyrule Circuit
22:15 Baby Park
22:46 Cheese Land
23:11 Wild Woods
23:37 Animal Crossing
24:00 Neo Bowser City
24:24 Ribbon Road
24:50 Super Bell Subway
25:14 Big Blue
25:41 Results/Outro
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ About j0rts ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Hi there! I'm j0rts, and I like to explore mostly pointless things in video games while playing them in weird, unconventional ways.
Despite my name, this channel has nothing to do with jorts. In fact, I've never even worn a pair of jorts in my life. I just find the word fun to say... j o r t s.
Anyways, thanks for taking the time to check out my channel. If you'd like to hang out with me live, be sure to visit my Twitch channel over at / j0rts
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Stay safe out there
I will mr Jean shorts 🫡
Yeat
I can't 😔
And always use smart steering
Roblox hacker story end be like:
Definitely gonna need Safety Inspector j0rts’s Safety Ratings on the DLC tracks before I invest my money into something potentially dangerous.
Underrated comment
Excellent point. If you play Super Smash Bros, I recommend watching the video that goes over each stage's OSHA violations, so you can be certain you only fight in absolute safety.
But he did them
@@titouanv4532link to video?
@@titouanv4532I think they meant the booster ones
I must say thwomp ruins got rated VERY high for a track with no guard rails, jumps, rolling boulders, and, well, thwomps
The Thwomps paid for a higher score.
@@shannonhartfield2100they did pave all the roads after all
@@djroscurro9859 the kart-industrial complex is insidious. it goes all the way to the very top.
@@djroscurro9859I thought Whomps were the ones that paved the roads, not Thwomps?
@@paulstock260 True, but they're usually close to each other. They share a brotherhood. Hell, Thwomps reside in Whomps fortress alongside the Whomps.
To be fair, with 1up mushrooms and necromancy, the mushroom kingdom most likely have incredible healthcare wich is most likely why they seem to ignore any and all safety precautions
Yeah, when your healthcare is that good, at that point, safety is just a waste of resources
1-up mushrooms ARE necromancy...but they are damn good at it. Hyrule also has these things called Fairies which are just as good.
@@johnrickard8512Doesn't the fairy die? I don't remember any shopkeepers selling any fairies and you often catch them yourself so i guess it has to be taboo
@@yohhh6715 it isn't that they die but that they are often in places that a mere NPC may have trouble getting to.
@@yohhh6715 What? No!!
The fairy just flies away after healing you up!
which i mean considering you stuff em into a jar beforehand is super duper nice of em
But yea. No fairies die. Theyre just difficult to get your hands on because they often are in monster infested areas or just hard to reach areas
"Drome" was originally an ancient Greek word, 'dromos,' meaning 'course.' It gained notoriety through the Greek hippodromos, chariot racing arenas where brave Disney characters would fight to the death in the gaaaaaames as Danny Devito coached them from the sidelines. The French later stole the word and cut off the last few letters as they're wont to do, resulting in 'drome,' and continued the racecourse tradition with Formula Une. Danny Devito's love of various methods of transportation would later result in variations such as the motordrome and aerodrome. The widespread adoption of electricity would eventually lead to famed inventor Deadmoufive creating electronic music, whose pairing with Japanese go-kart enthusiasts and esteemed Mario villain Doug Bowser culminated in the creation of the Electrodrome: a musically imbued go-kart race track.
Wow thank you, I feel so much wiser now
this incomprehensible mesh of information and nonsense truly captures the zeitgeist of our time
Thank you for the insight!
@@MisterNohbdyperchance
You did not have to go this damn hard with your comment
Now I want to see a mod where every track is made safer based on this
Let's get them all up to FIA grade one, and the complain about track limits for 90 minutes every Sunday!
I like this idea 😆
First off, we gotta add safety rails everywhere we can
I'd call the mod "easy tracks"
Just imagine all the good tracks but more boring
@@atsukana1704 i got an idea we make it so there is no ramps or boosts
This video made me realise I never quite took the time to just... look at the tracks. Missed so many details before! Granted, it IS safest to keep your eyes on the road while driving...
Would recommend Any Austin for this kind of content - he has a video just exploring "odd and unremarkable" places in Mariokart Wii, and it revealed a lot of the beautifully rough edges in that game
Literally, I’ve never seen those bats on yoshi valley or that construction sign on grumble volcano
How did Thwomp's Ruins get that high a score after almost dying several times? lol
The very reason why I went to look at the comments. Especially right after Sweet Sweet Canyon got a lot less points, despite Thwomp Ruins having all the things that made SSC dangerous, and in addition to that, it's own dangers too. I'm starting to doubt how safe it is to have someone like j0rts judge the safety of tracks...
The fact he uses a real Mercedes car colab vehicle to test these tracks, really shows his dedication to keeping us safe!
It took me to Toad Harbor to realise that it wasn't a rating of how dangerous the track is, but how safe it is.
Now everything makes a lot more sense.
Baby Park danger level: 9.9/10
@@axisred2301 XDD
To confirm, Wario's last name is, not surprisingly... Wario. Just like Mario (he uses his own name, and Luigi also uses Mario, hence Mario Bros.)
What about waluigi
@@BlahajOfficaII would assume that waluigi is a brother of wario, which would mean his last name is wario.
"Hi, my name is Luigi Mario"
Not that I think about it, it kinda makes sense that he's called the green mario
@@Ryann9Waluigi has been confirmed to not be Wario's brother on multiple occasions; the Mario & Sonic series has made a habit of explicitly stating that in multiple games. Shugo Takahashi has also stated that they're not even blood related.
Waluigi is just... some dude with no relation to Wario that happens to share a lot of uncanny characteristics!
@@OmegaGlopsthey're best friends!
"Bowser's castle has a _Lot Of Work To Do._ 2.1 out of 10."
Bowser: "Yup, gotta get that 0.5."
I love how Sunshine airport implies that the mushroom Kingdom is absolutely massive and not just some small country with a few villages like most people imagine it. Bone dry dunes is an almost 6 hour flight. That is similair to the amount of time it takes to fly from Amsterdam to Dubai in the real world.
But somehow the metro connects all those places which means that the metro stations must be incredibly far apart.
but everybody in the Mushroom Kingdom uses zeppelin-style airships, so a 6-hour flight by one of those is probably like a 30-minute plane trip
@@MisterNohbdy the planes at Sunshine airport seem to be regular planes.
Which is kind of bullshit as the continent where the Mushroom Kingdom exists is quite small, as you can see on Mario Odyssey's globe.
@@Dexuz Maybe the planet is much bigger than earth. We don't get anything as a reference for scale and we don't know how long it takes for mario to travel between the Kingdoms.
@@haroeneissa790
That's a possibility although the planet would have to be very big, and big rocky planets cannot exist as they would collapse into gaseous planets.
I appreciate that the antigravity isn't counted as danger, as it's safe enough to stop upside down without any problem
As long as there are proper guardrails keeping you on the anti-grav.
jorts never fails to do the thing where you do the thing to find out how to do the thing
That’s a great description of my channel
Facts
*j0rts
I love the idea of this random real life safety inspector being called in to professionally analyze the safety of fictitious and out there worlds. And him fully taking it as professionally as possible
Yes I want to see this for the DLC, it was hilarious. The concept is already funny, but what put it over the edge was your role as the safety inspector instead of a random youtuber talking about safety
On Toad’s Turnpike there are signs that say “no limits”. Very safe indeed.
Toad might be a german.
You know, I had no idea that slowly running into hazards didn’t actually stun you, neat
This is the most anyone has ever used the “reverse” button in this game.
Me on 200cc:
I remember in Mario Kart 7 when i was a kid i use to hold my breath when i enter any underwater sections for as long as i lasted racing there, Wario's Shipyard was a killer for me
The helmeted look of Miis really sells the Safety Inspector vibes, that and being in a realistic car.
I disagree with giving water park a lower score due to you not being able to breathe underwater. This park was obviously made for a different sort of creature with different needs, saying that their park is bad because it has alot of places for fish-pigs to breathe is biased. If you are going off this standard, then Mario Kart Stadium should get a much lower score because it doesn't have anywhere for fish-pigs to breathe and is extremely hazardous to them. Especially when you consider the Water Park was ruled more dangerous than Thwomp Ruins which has multiple things in it that could crush and instantly kill you.
Im starting think your safety officer certification isn’t legitimate…..
No way! Seems totally legit!
In the Mushroom Kingdom you don't need certification.
@@LotoTheHeroDude said a desert track with a quicksand pit and giant spiky caterpillars is safer than a country road with a mole problem. The inconsistency in the rating criteria actually bothers me.
This is like how fast can you touch death but Mario Kart version
Please do more once wave 6 is out! This was so fun to watch!
When jorts uploads you know it’s gonna be a good time.
Great*
Awsome*
*Monumental.
*Stupendous
My man rated an amusement park 4 points higher than just a normal town
19:32 has gotta be one of the best lines I’ve heard in a while. Nice to see so many safety enthusiasts out there!
Extra note with every underwater track: In this game you can play as Inklings! Who are well known to be unable to swim or be submerged in water >:( this means they are even less safe as any unsuspecting inkling could be splatted!!
actually, if we assume this isnt salt water, theyre fine!
There is actually 4 Animal Crossing tracks. There is one for each season and you only inspected the summer one. Which one you get is randomly generated, so you will have to try a few times to get the rest.
Actually while you're selecting Animal Crossing, you can hold down R, L, ZR, or ZL to choose which season you want to race in. Each button corresponds to a different season, I don't remember which one is what.
This is what they mean with the saying "cutting corners," so many corners without safety railings just to save on money!
important question: how quickly can you become cool in every Mario Game? (touch ice)
1:40
You forgot the fact that if you drive into water at high speed it's almost like driving into concrete. The deceleration on impact will be immensely unsafe.
Also if you're in a vehicle with just your head poking above the body of the car the car's gonna wanna keep going and your head aint.
Whiplash go brbrrrr.
Such a generous lad, risking his own life to keep us safe. Definitely much appreciated 🗿
your "how fast can you _________ in every __________ game?" series is what made you take off and i like that but IMO these kinds of vids are better
Same feeling
I appreciate how you managed to make a character that does in fact just scream safety inspector.
I loved this one. A j0rts video never fails to entertain. In addition to the DLC for Mario Kart 8 DX, I'd love to see you give the bois over at CTR a safety check.
Wait... *THAT'S* how to get up to that ledge in Bone Dry Dunes!? By purposely running into the *obvious stage hazard* that in any other course would destroy you instantly? 🤯
I never noticed how demonic the snowman on sherbet land looks lmao
In NeoBowser City, it is always raining, which decreases friction and makes guardrails even more important.
I'd say most of the antigravity sections, particularly the ones that go fully sideways or upside down, would DEFINITELY count against the safety rating since there's no obvious safety precautions in place for if the mechanism causing the antigravity effect malfunctions
I don't think he's there to rate the safety of the anti-gravity, and probably assumes that somebody else will do it. (Nobody will.)
Rainbow Road being the most dangerous track is what I expected. Good
finally, the safety inspector showed up. we've been waiting for you for a decade!
"Looks like we got a classic case of THERE'S LAVA EVERYWHERE."
Jeez this is exactly the type of content I crave. Not a Nintendo game but I'd love to see someone rank the Dark Souls 1 bonfires by how comfy they are.
How did Thwomp ruins end up with that high a score with crushing boulders, edges that lead to a free fall, a jump into a possible underwater segment and one jump down a giant flight of stairs across a chasm?
I was pretty surprised to see it fare better than Waterpark
Return of the King
There's something really cute and wholesome about that safety inspector Mii and his slow driving
A drome is a place for running or racing. And agreed, I thought it was electro dome at first too.
This knowledge will keep me much more secure 🚗
I love how Mario kart puts ur character's life in danger, it adds to the thrill!
I thought this was gonna be a ranking video based on how dangerous the tracks are in MARIOKART, not REAL LIFE.
here from sambucha newest video
I really appreciate your attention to safety. I hope you've spoken to the Mario Kart officials so that they can be made aware of these oversights and have them looked into.
you failed to account for the employed lakatus that save you from any falling hazards, still more dangerous then railings(although since this removes the possibility for a crash into the railings it could be safer) since the lakatus could fail it is still a great attempt to reduce the hazards of these unsafe environments and should have been considered
I love how he sounds like a real inspecter😂
That was fun and an interesting view through the tracks. Please do it with the DLC courses as well. =)
Gotta wait for them all first
@@spicybeantofu they are here. i expect to hear some words about wii rainbow road.
i love watching some guy rank mario kart tracks on how safe they are at 4 am 💪💪💪💪
Never noticed the subway map or airport departures screen! Thank you for helping me see new details!
Mushroom Cup
Mario Kart Stadium: 8.3/10
Water Park: 5.2/10
Sweet Sweet Canyon: 4.9/10
Thwomp Ruins: 5.7/10
Flower Cup
Mario Circuit: 8.1/10
Toad Harbor: 8/10
Twisted Mansion: 4.8/10
Shy Guy Falls: 5.3/10
Star Cup
Sunshine Airport: 6.6/10
Dolphin Shoals: 4.2/10
Electrodrome: 7.1/10
Mount Wario: 5/10
Special Cup
Cloudtop Cruise: 4.9/10
Bone Dry Dunes: 6.3/10
Bowser’s Castle: 2.1/10
Rainbow Road: 1.9/10
Shell Cup
Moo Moo Meadows: 8.5/10
Mario Circuit (GBA): 8.1/10
Cheep Cheep Beach: 7.7/10
Toad’s Turnpike: 8.2/10
Banana Cup
Dry Dry Desert: 7.3/10
Donut Plains 3: 6.9/10
Royal Raceway: 8.3/10
DK Jungle: 4.3/10
Leaf Cup
Wario Stadium: 4.5/10
Sherbert Land: 6.8/10
Music Park: 5.7/10
Yoshi Valley: 6.1/10
Lightning Cup
Tick-Tock Clock: 6.4/10
Piranha Plant Slide: 3.7/10
Grumble Volcano: 2.3/10
Rainbow Road (N64): 4.8/10
Egg Cup
Yoshi Circuit: 8.4/10
Excitebike Arena: 9.2/10
Dragon Driftway: 7.9/10
Mute City: 5.1/10
Tri-Force Cup
Wario’s Gold Mine: 5.4/10
Rainbow Road (SNES): 4.9/10
Ice Ice Outpost: 8.6/10
Hyrule Circuit: 7/10
Crossing Cup
Baby Park: 9.9/10
Cheese Land: 6/10
Wild Woods: 6.2/10
Animal Crossing: 8.2/10
Bell Cup
Neo Bowser City: 5.9/10
Ribbon Road: 6.1/10
Super-Bell Subway: 6.2/10
Big Blue: 4.7/10
As someone who enjoys Mario Kart, I think sharp corners are the worst safety infraction... but this video and its literal sense safety standards brought a smile to my face. Thank you.
I definitely want to see this for the DLC tracks! I loved this video!
I loved this!! I also love that first and last were predictable, but nothing else was c:
You should do how safe are the smash bros levels
i was gonna leave a comment about how a lot of these rankings don’t make sense in comparison to eachother but then i realized it’s literally a mario kart video and it’s almost 1am
J0rts is always asking the important questions.
SNES Mario Circuit 3 would probably get a 10/10. There is pretty much no danger besides the 1 optional speed boost near the end of the track
Definitely need to see the DLC tracks getting an inspection, good stuff!
This video was truly amazing. I laughed, I cried, and, surprisingly, I felt safe. I am ready to go on only the safest tracks going a safe, manageable speed.
dont you hate when you're driving and suddenly there is cake frosting on your tires 😔
Okay wow! Now I wish you would just do this for all the Mario Kart games because this actually is a surprisingly brilliant and funny idea. It was a lot of fun to watch and listen to your commentary
Bro i love you :') the thumbnail already killed me
Thank you for the inspection, but I'm gonna need a breakdown on these scores. Some of them felt way underrated
I do think Music Park deserves some credit for clearly marking the danger zones for the plants. The person who set those lights up is the true unsung hero of the mushroom kingdom.
ghost running thwomp ruins was actually like becoming shit itself its so hard to not fall off the edge at the start even if you drift
for alot of the long falls, you should probably account for the safety of the race itself, since every time you fall a lakitu catches you right before you could get hurt and takes you back on the track safely
Yes, please make one of these videos for all of the DLC tracks!
You gotta do the DLC now!
Neat idea! I love videos like this. I still remember the cows...
The dad energy in this video
As someone who lives near cows moo moo meadows is way safer than the real thing. You haven't lived until you've turned a blind corner and there's a cow sleeping in the road that you have to wait for.
This is what the moo cow community post was about. Neat. Didn't expect that.
1:39 j0rts caught lying in HD
I want the checklist on some of these deductions. Toad's Turnpike got hosed on the safety rating.
i mean id absolutely love to see a part two with all the dlc tracks please mr jorts
SMH... Road workers have no respect for safety these days.
True
Giving Baby Park a 9.9 safety rating like it’s not a veritable slaughter ground for infants in any context other than hot lapping.
"4 legs good, Toad legs bad"
- Moo Moo Meadow Cows
Video: tracks are not safe
MK8: You disabled the safe controls sir
If Nintendo doesn't take these safety concerns seriously in the next packs, I'll be taking them to court.... I like your tone of voice here and Water Park had me rolling with fish pigs lol. I know this requires more work but maybe consider establishing a ranking system that you can deduct points off of in its categories. Great work inspector!
Challenge: play Mario Kart, but everytime you go underwater, you must hold your breath in real life.
This isn't the content i deserve, but the content i need.
I'm glad you decided to talk about this because I literally never knew this existed until doing a government internship last summer.
I love your narration 💖
j0rts: I’m not sure what chocolate is doing on ~bubblegum~ here
me, with a rage i didn’t know I had: *ITS TAFFY*
see, it's nice when videos like this can teach us new things about ourselves
Thank you esteemed safety inspector!
I’ve never thought about how unsafe Mario kart tracks are, I’ll remember this next time I get on Mario kart!
Maybe "baby park" refers to the one track as just a diversion for the wee ones while the adults and teens take on more thrilling rides.
“Believe it or not I am NOT a fish-pig.”