Dating Myths Men Need To Stop Believing
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- čas přidán 18. 06. 2024
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The fact that dating is referred to as a “game” tells me all I need to know.
Our grandparents seemed to have it so much easier. My grandparent's were married for 70 years.
Women cannot handle the truth. The game is merely trying to appease. And since women cannot handle the truth, lying is the predominate strategy.
Yes it is very demoralizing. Makes one not want to play at all.
Concur. If every previous generation had as much trouble getting together as the current one, the species would have never made it this far. Somewhere along the line one of the many wars, famines or pandemics would have overcome our ability to reproduce fast enough to overcome the loss of population
These females think dating is a game and that they’re the “prize” you win at the end, if you win…
You can not force someone to love you, only invite them...truer words were never spoken.
It wise but also pathetic in a sense. As you can have kind soul but attract mean spirited.
I believe in building that connection before going forward
I dont like the hard to get advice. You can't show you are too interested initally because so many girls dont like guys that are too easy/ too available.
@@TheArsenalMan125 you don’t want a woman that says or believes that. There’s no such thing as too interested. It’s either reciprocated or not.
Not gonna lie, these video tips in my opinion seem very hit or miss. I think there is at least a two way directional push from the media side of things in dating life. Unfortunately on the surface on the one side of it, it promotes profanity, objectification and even pornography...in the long run it promotes division and desexualization of both genders. On the other side, people get absorbed into this and confuse it with more natural topics like falling in love.
A direct example.. you say women don't like men who are too available... Yet women I've seen and took time to get to know very much say the opposite and crave my time even if it's silence. They're also not pulled into today's social media scene, and are rather living much more simply.
In other words, there are people with nearly polar opposite views to all this that media and many others are pushing.
Love is built on trust, respect, genuineness... It will ALWAYS take a level of effort from both ends to achieve and keep it going. I also believe everyone is different and that it's very heavily dependent on their character and personality. Someone with less patience and social unawareness may have to take different approaches to form a healthy relationship than someone who say... Is extremely patient and hyper aware to social cues.
That's why above all else.. i think encountering someone whom you can form a successful relationship with requires confidence of self and being who you are. If done right, the energies out there will notice, and the right people will gravitate to you in your life.
But you can make them put the lotion on itself
1. 0:25 There's only one person out there
(2:14 - 3:12 Sponsor ad)
2. 3:13 Be persistent=She will like me
3. 5:08 You need to feel a spark
4. 6:54 Play hard to get/Mind Games
5. 9:26 It's too late for you
6. 11:36 I'll be happy when I get a girlfriend
7. 12:54 Right person, wrong time
Show this to every person struggling with dating initially. I have so much respect for how Courtney carries herself, honestly.
Simp
She's a woman that cares about guy's problems, A WOMAN, a rare gem.
@@thefox47545 Yup Courtney and Victoria from MyNoneleather
Just stop dating. I never did it. It's a timewaste, you're only wasting your precious lifetime, efforts, etc....and for what? To get someday being dumped, or betrayal`? I tried many, many years ago to get my dream lady...then i've had her...and everything was totally differently, than imagined...bc she was a extreme borderliner....
Sunk cost fallacy applies to dating. At some point men realize dating is not worth it. I reached that point. It's okay to stop wasting time and money. It is too late for me and that's a good thing. I will not waste another dollar or minute of my time.
Honestly, never chase women to begin with. This doesn’t mean don’t persue a relationship, just don’t be the ‘adorer.’ Chasing not only puts yourself in an EXTREMELY vulnerable position where you are liable to be manipulated. Chasing also usually implies that the other is put upon a pedestal; love only lasts when it goes both ways.
Wrong, I love a chaser.
Learnt this the hard way last year
Regarding #3, a couple months into dating her, she told me, from her point of view, it was “love at first sight” when she met me, and by that time I could tell she was falling in love with me. I was interested in her when I met her. That was 23 years ago, and we’re still married for 19 years with two great children, and I love my wife and still think my wife is very sexy. So I’d say “love at first sight” sometimes works out alright.
Agreed and congratulations on a successful relationship!
yes, but here's the thing, it's a fuzzy line between attraction, infatuation and love. Love is hard to put your finger on. It's attraction plus commitment and respect plus a deep friendship BUT at the same time it's conditional. It's very hard to say that you have all that right at the beginning. It takes YEARS to get to that level for many people.
And also one thing that is definitely the case for women. Their memory and recollection is HIGHLY dependent on their emotional state at the time. Ever had an argument with your wife where she tells you "YOU NEVER DO X" even though you do X quite often? That retroactive emotional filtering can be hard to understand for men but explains a lot of a woman's behavior. Basically when your wife told you that she was filtering her PAST recollections through her CURRENT emotional state, that of the strong emotions of anxiety in starting to want a commitment from you
bullshit
nope, not alll the time - it all boils down to chance - and a very slim chance
We've been conditioned on #2 because of TV and movies. We think chasing relentlessly will wear her down and then they'll be fireworks and unicorns and such when she finally falls for us. 😂 It never works like that. In real life you get labeled a stalker. 😮
I think it's because who are the writers for these shows? Probably extremely virginal people who have no idea how dating and seduction work.
But I've seen guys who were persistent and eventually worked. I couldn't believe it...
Lets not forget that many women get off on the "chase" . I have been scolded that I "wasn't chasing enough". Walked away from that one.😀
@Jaehwa Jeong Maybe at first but I would be skeptical of the long run. A chaser usually doesn't have other options, hence why he chases, a simp move. Simping isn't great in the long run.
@@ZWarrior89 I don’t mean to be negative, but how do we know that she just realized she ran out of options and simply settled for him? I hope they’re truly in love and it works out for them, but these are concerns I have to raise so that I don’t fall into the same trap. I only get one life, don’t wanna waste it chasing someone and letting good ones pass me by
In summary, please realize.
1: there are tons of people out there that may
2: know when to walk away
3: don't believe love at first sight or having a "spark". Don't write people off too fast
4: don't play mind games, send mixed signals, or play hard to get
5: you're never too old to fall in love. For men especially, you don't have a biological clock like women
6: Don't go into a relationship to find happiness or you won't be happy. Happiness is the byproduct of a successful relationship
7: "right person wrong time" is flawed. Insinuates that there was only one person out there. Don't see it as a passed opportunity, look for a new one instead
I'd like to add to number 2 on the "running away". Sometimes YOU should be the one running away from her.
Too much work. Too much bother. Too little to be gained. Hard pass.
Replace the word spark with dopamine and it all makes sense.
Idk it depends on age with last one. Becus everyone has idea of 1 person. Cus her bf couldve been complete opposite not long after she married him. Saying it goes right for some & wrong for others
@@puppetmasterblaster yet you still watch videos on dating…..
Number 8: Remain Stoic. Stoicism Defeats Manipulation
I never had a girlfriend and then I met a woman at work who seem to really like me. Turned out she had bolderline and was love bombing me because she had a serious mental illness. I only figured it out after a year when she throw me away for some random guy and nothing she did made any sense. Very traumatizing...😄
virgo 😭
Wow! This young woman has insight beyond her years. It's awesome that someone in the Millennial or Gen Z generation is providing this advice! As a man in his forties, I have seen men and women who believed these myths (and some still do) and had relationships crash and burn or miss out on opportunities with great men or women. A quality relationship has its ups and downs and requires work. That is what makes the relationship meaningful. Without ups and downs and conflicts, we don't grow in love.
"It's never too late to be loved"
Why this channel is just fantastic!
My boyfriend and I didn't have the "spark" when we first started going out. It took at least 2-3 months of getting to know each other before that slight "awkwardness" went away. Now, I consider him my best friend in the whole world and I love him so much.
I'm so glad we took the time to get to know each other rather than just calling it quits because there was no magical chemistry at the very beginning.
How did you get to know him for months first?
That never seems to happen in the real world
""Now, I consider him my best friend in the whole world...""
Friend zoned, tenn acceptance as a s second option, he was the second choice... Chris Rock the comedian tells it perfectly.... now you got a roommate!!
😂😂 😇
The good guy won!! 😂
no one asks... Won what exactly??
The spark you speak of, thats the “Id sleep with him on the spot” feeling. The hardest part is, dating as an introvert even trying your best to carry the conversation. I dont even talk to my best buddies that much in reality, so why does it have to be all about talking? Just spend time over a time span to get to know a person, unfortunately some people dont have that kind of time to wait or too many options. That is also why I believe people who worked together or were in a group setting similar to a community got together and dated as it was the natural way rather than going on a date with a stranger then trying to advertise yourself to each other. Those people knew each other for a long time in their settings. It feels too fake and like a job interview if its like a dating app or just approaching women randomly. I mean hey, maybe it works for some people usually extroverts Id say. For me as an introvert, its seems like a curse even though I have tried it before, lol.
@@formless4541 I think people have to be friends first . It is hard because dating is so fast paced and makes it hard to tell how you feel and how that feel.
@@garljr I agree about the dating apps. It is way too fast paced and you can't really get to know someone that way or see any reason flags.
The biggest part about being a guy growing up is that you really have to unlearn stuff sometimes. Watching TV and movies as a source of how to behave with women is like poison.....bad info drilled into us over years.
Yes! Tv and movies are fake (as is much of social media). Being around and having normal female friends has been a source of balance and grounding. Actually it’s how I got two of my girlfriends! While they didn’t work out at least I learned and didn’t become obsessed with PUA or RP stuff
Yeah, don't take dating advice from Damone!
Yea with everything we sorta got relearn
@HyperNormalInfographic it also depends on the woman friends. If you hang around females that are single and can't keep a man then you won't learn anything. I know because that was my issue
Only to the simple minded. I don't know ANYONE that looks to TV and movies to learn how to behave with women....
If there was something I could do to kill off this idea of "Spark Chasing", I totally would. It's probably one of the most damaging aspects of modern dating, essentially boiling it down to either a first impression having to be flawless or utter failure is just unrealistic.
“However, don't let perfectionism become an excuse for never getting started.” ― Marilu Henner
BuT I HaVe StAnDaRdS!
Said every single 40 yo woman who still wants a family
@@dobermanownerforlife3902, Usually the ones who lock the stable after the horse has bolted.
Marilu Henner has the best long term memory of anyone alive. It's true, she has total recall, look it up.
I like what Courtney said, "don't look for perfection look for potential".
- I don’t want to ruin our friendship
- I’m focused on my career
- I don’t do this on the first, second, ‘fill in the blank’ date
- I just got out of a relationship
- I only date ‘insert zodiac sign’
… the list goes on and on 😂
Ghost as soon as you hear this. She isn't interested.
So you whine and cry that you want a pure, chaste woman, then run from women who aren't willing to have sex on the first date? Sounds to me like you need to decide what you want before you try to find it.
@@CommentorXyeah, that one point was cringe. People have all sorts of reasonable boundaries but, yeah, if you can’t respect them then definitely don’t date them. People also break their own boundaries all the time out of weakness too, like when an alcoholic caves in to a drink because of anxiety or a love addict sleeps with someone on a first date to keep them from leaving. Good rule of thumb is whether something is generally reasonable and how you would see a friend in a similar situation as your own.
@@CommentorXto be fair, women can’t help it with men they truly desire. Most men have seen this, and any of the excuses listed above is just that - an excuse. I’m not asking her to go home with me on the first night, just be truthful to yourself and me .
@@CommentorX Men fall into one of two categories for women: Men they make rules for and men they break rules for. If a woman tells you she doesn't have sex on the first date it means she doesn't have sex on the first date WITH YOU. It's a clear indicator of their opinion of you. One which you can use as a disqualifier even if you had no intentions of sex on a first date.
It saddens me how toxic online communities are destroying healthy relationships and are making people increasingly lonely
Dating apps are certainly doing their part
@@devilsadvocacy I’d say the dating apps started it. These communities are a reaction from all the lonely people.
It was toxic well before these online communities came about. The internet simply revealed the cesspool we lived it all this time. Remember PUA of the late 90's, early 2000s? Dating gotten so bad that men were resorting to hiring professionals to ask someone out on a date.
If a relationship is destroyed, it's only the fault of those in the relationship.
@@tailgunner2 Can confirm; anytime I hear someone talk about how this all started with Tinder etc., I just LMAO.
The problem with when you’re inexperienced in dating it’s very difficult to tell when a girl is playing hard to get and when she’s just not interested. It would be easier if women flat out turned you down but a lot of times they’ll say “oh I’m not ready right now” it leaves possibility for the future. As I’ve gotten more experienced I’ve learned to move on from these people. Just a lesson to men and women out there. Don’t play the game and don’t fall for the game. Good video
Exactly
When we say no it often isn't accepted as an answer.
@Sarcodon Blue yea for guys that hasn't been around the block or really inexperienced. They think it leaves the door open because how the media and probably friends our age told us but it's not true and only leads to anger. We must also only ask for advice from women that are pretty or can keep a man for a while because there women aren't desperate for a man and they wouldn't think certain things are cute
I’ve had talks about this sort of thing with men and women alike and it’s astounding how much I see certain myths prevail among some people around me. The two biggest are the “be persistent” and “she didn’t feel that spark”. Th persistence i think guys fall into because they hope that the effort will change a mind but I’ve learned the hard way it doesn’t work and not only that, but there are plenty of women who help reinforce that idea in men and then act surprised it doesn’t work . What you said about that “spark” being more about arousal is something I’ve heard mentioned and I think it is very true, because I’ve seen many a woman choose and stick with the worst kind of boyfriends because they’re trying to thrive off of that initial impression and not acknowledging that he is a bad choice of boyfriend. I’m so glad there are women like Courtney willing to put this out in the world.
I hate romantic movies my sister used to watch that taught me that when a woman isn’t sure if she’s ready for a relationship, being persistent will show her what she’s really missing. It’s a trope that’s not true and damaging to a lot of men.
My biggest pet peeve of dating is the amount of ghosting. It’s almost predictable as the sun setting that I get ghosted after the first date
Same. When I was getting stressed about dating I would take a break. Personally the key for me was to not let it overshadow the rest of my life and have other stuff going on. Frankly women are more attracted to a man who has other things going on too, as much as I wanted to demonstrate my interest and seriousness for a relationship with someone.
Personally I found being more social IRL has given me more friends and I’ve met more women who I wouldn’t have met otherwise. The problem with dating apps is the medium is the message so it’s conducive to low effort and low commitment by women…
Truss I got ghosted over date at McDonald's I wouldn't mind I offered to pay
I never knew turn out to be lesbian 😂
That's part of dating tho.
I am very guilty of the "I'll be happy when I have a girlfriend". It's actually a mentality that manifests in many aspects of your life. When I entered my first relationship, I felt like I was finally completed - like the act of someone else loving me validated my existence. I struggled a lot with mental health and self-love so being with someone who brought out the good me and was always an advocate made me feel so happy about myself. However, when that relationship didn't work out for totally valid and clean reasons, I realized I wasn't happy with myself at all and I had burdened my partner with getting rid of my insecurities. If you can't be happy single, you're not gonna be happy in a relationship either.
100% agree. I have the same problem.
Love this comment. Thank you for sharing ❤️
But you were happy in the relationship. If you can't be happy single, but then you get in a relationship and are happy, then wouldn't being in a relationship make you happy?
@@zephan6001 yes, YOUR happy, but at what cost? The cost is paid by your partner.. until it's TOO MUCH to pay.. in other words only you can save yourself, anyone else doing that for you leads to pain and heartbreak.. get it now?
I both agree & disagree. Hopefully I articulate properly.
The desire for a wife & children is a God given desire. The feeling of "something missing" is natural, biological, spiritual. It is NOT the result of low self esteem.
HOWEVER, contentment is also desired. Contentment takes hard work, regardless of your circumstances. Contentment is far from complacency. They are not remotely the same.
It's important to "seize the day" -- not wait for something next to happen before your life starts. You want to be an interesting single dude.
I always get the “didn’t feel a spark”. I’m just not the type of person that sparks with people. I have like 0 close friends either.
Looks like we've got a Mythbusters-themed episode! Happy Friday, fellow viewers and Courtney!
Enjoy! Have a great weekend 🥰
I haven’t watched it yet but based upon this comment, I like it.
Hey lawrency have fun
*tips hat* Happy Friday and Aliens?
@@CourtneyRyan Well, you're wrong on the "love at first sight."
It's rare, but it happened to me, literally the first second I saw my future wife.
Now, it took a few months to get together, because I had no intention of a serious relationship at the time, and dated a couple other girls before we started going out.
About seven weeks from our 41st anniversary. No, she's never said it happened to her.
Courtney is such a beautiful, intelligent, calm, mature, lovely and kind soul. It's comforting to know that there are still such women like Courtney out there in this crazy aggressive and entitled feminist dating world.
seriously, the best relationships I've had, most healthy, most passionate, most 'right' and good, came from friendships
hanging out with people I like to hang out with, enjoy spending time together, and the energy builds and builds and builds sometimes without even knowing, until one day (or not!), SPARK - this has happened to me after MONTHS of long-hangouts with women where I wasn't even thinking about anything 'more'
just LIKE people and like spending time with them for who they are, not for what 'they might fulfill' - yes, it's healthy torecognize and even talk about potentials, but not to live in them or get ahead of yourselves into them
super-sick of women saying they don't feel chemistry when all we've done is talk online/email
hellloooo, at least try a phone call! and if it's not horrible,do another
perfection and the best excitement ever on first interaction or she's disinterested is ????
soooo many delusions out there
and I'm not even trying to date, just talk and see how we get along - over 10 years since I've looked for intimate bonding and ppl are soooooooo lost
So true! Too bad all of those great sparks were with girls already in a relationship. HUMONGOUS BLACK FLAG WITH SKULL AND BONES.
I wanted this kind of content from Courtney's pov for a long time
Especially the points on the myths about the one person, finding that spark, etc
I'm trying to be a person who can have a perspective of seeing a potential and working with it, because that's what leads to long term fulfillment.
Thanks for making this video, and hopefully more videos come on this line of thought process.
This was the basis for my marriage. When the time came to decide if I was ready to marry my now wife, the most important questions were, do I have total peace about it, and will she change and grow with me. Best decision of my life.
I've been trying to get rid of the "too late for me" mentality. Rationally, it doesn't make sense and its just not healthy. But every once in a while, I feel that feeling creep up on me and I feel a sense of dread and I spiral downword. Therapy has helped but thats the one I struggle with the most.
I have that mindset but I gave up on looking for anyone since I was 21. No matter how successful you are or how much appearance you have, women dont like those things anymore. I'm 29 and I still gave up hope. Courtney is a fool for saying you might find someone in your 60s. At that point, I'll probably be dead or cant do things like in my age group are doing anymore.
Sometimes, it's just way (worlds) better - to think just, too old - too cold...or just too late, better accept that, live a healthy life, than chasing women, which doesn't make sense (it never maked sense anytime, but especially nowadays...) It's better to have good friends, being healthy, than chasing after dreams, one have had 20-25+ years ago....doesn't make sense. Life's too short...too waste it with some kind of dragon, or a narcisstic lady, or with a borderline issue, and tons of suicide tendencies...for instance.
Stay strong. I use to go down that path alot. Then I started watching @Courtneyryan videos and it's like therapy to me reading the comments. It's a community here. And it helps. Because you will read something that exactly relates to you. And listening to her helps because she doesn't need to find a man so it's believable
My current girlfriend and I have a great relationship. However in the beginning, she didn’t want a relationship, she had some fears about being hurt again…I knew she was a great woman but I didn’t chase. I was patient with her, didn’t pressure her, and gave her the space she needed to decide if she wanted a relationship with me
As a result we have an amazing relationship now and getting married next year
I know had I chased her because I wanted her to like me back, I would’ve just pushed her away
Congratulations mate, wish you both the best.
@@sathvik6982 🙏 thank you!
i assume you had to ask her out, hit on her
@@initiatorhater0688 yes but I didn’t pressure her, everything flowed organically, she told me in the beginning she didn’t want a relationship and now we’re in a relationship, I had to give her that emotional space she needed to come to the decision, not chase or pressure her into it
@@ingrained2train and i assume you are both in your 20s
Thank you Courtney, you shed some light into something I had not given much, if any, thought to. With billions of people in this world it is indeed possible for there to be much more than just "one" right person.
Thanks for another great video Courtney. I want to thank you for your contribution to the community. I've been watching your videos for a few years now and it has helped me grow and has challenged a lot of my views on things. and I want to rebuttal the last point, lol. I refuse to believe right person wrong time is an invalid premise and very much believe that you can meet (romantically available) people at the wrong time in your life. To think otherwise, is a belief that we as humans can't evolve or grow. It's pertinent to understand that not everyone you meet will lead to some successful relationship somewhere on your timeline, but that falls under the wrong person. I'm in the belief that I'm not my best self (Currently growing emotionally, learning from past mistakes, etc) and I'm a better person than I was a year ago. If I believe that, then surely I could believe that I could have met the right person at the wrong time. It does however tie in with your point that there is many right people out there for you and you shouldn't dwell on what could have been if a previous relationship was today because you can still meet the right person. We should look at it as a way to see ourselves in the future, am I who I want to be for the person I meet in the future. That way you can be the right person right time.
Thank you so much for mentioning the right person / wrong time. I gave one girl so much headspace for so long because it ended due to the trials of distance. What I failed to realize then, but do now, is the man that fell in love with that girl is long gone and we have very different value structures. If you want to make a relationship work, you will make it work.
True but everyone has diff ideas of partner when they young some meet through uni or been together since school. And some never find anyone ever. Eventually remain married until divorce comes along
Absolutely! I was with a guy who kept moving the goal post of commitment, saying "the timing just isn't right," when actuality, he was keeping me around until his ex finally let him back in. I, in the meantime, kept putting up with all the excuses because I thought he was "the one" 🤢
When someone wants you, they make it work.
Spot on with no time limits on love. I’m 63, and six months ago started dating a woman 11 years younger than me. I had known her for about a year in social circles, we sometimes called or texted, and every time I was in the same place as her, we hit it off. One day, she texts me “we should get together some time” and now six months later we are having an awesome relationship! Everywhere we go, people say “you two give off such positive energy”, “you guys are a breath of fresh air”! Having a wonderful time with a wonderful woman. I promise you all, it in NEVER too late!
I was married twice and divorced. I am on my own for some years now. Deep in my heart I think it is never too late, but now I am 69 I still think all the time if it is really worth it to start again a relationship. I don't date and I never did in the past. To put in a lot of work for what? It sounds negative but to me reality shows me that there is to me nobody special in my life. I am going out in a regular way and I have my own activities . I am not unhappy or desperate. You are right that you have to know persons how they really are. I am not a guy that falls in love quickly. I never did. Most of the time I like ladies but I don't feel anything. I respected the ex wifes and they did the same thing. We were great friends but that's it. I am not feeling a victim but I can say in all honesty that I was never really in love. I must say your comment gave me some hope to find someone and be happy with but I think and I have to take in account that it may never happen. You have to have some luck in these things.Although i loved your story as a man some years younger then me that found a nice woman. Seems very complicated to me but that is what I think. I wish you all the happiness in the world and thank you for your hopeful message.
Yup. Enjoy her taking at least HALF of your wealth soon. Congrats! Those 10 seconds are apparently worth it.
Hi Courtney....love your channel....your wise way beyond your years....I'm a 60 year old man and a widower...I haven't given up on loving again and I urge everybody else not to give up....who wants to live in a world without love❤🙏
thank you for this particularly helpful range of topics. very encouraging. 67.5 yr old widower here.
Some people are meant to be alone. I'm alone after a divorce and other relationships, and I'm content with my drama free existence.
I am 64 new at this dating stuff. This is logical good advice. I am not in any hurry. Being patient is truly a virtue. My daughter and her family live with me. Have had women suggest to boot them out so would be space basically for them. Wow . Will be interesting to see how finding a good woman plays out. Thank you
Brilliant, elegant, expressive, articulate, intelligent, gorgeous and a great sense of humor - love your stuff Courtney & wish I would have had a resource like you a very long time ago
This helped me highlight a lot of problems I didn't know I had. I literally just had a date today and this was helpful to have in the back of my head. Helped me just relax and have a good time. Anxious at first but I realized "I got this." Thanks!
Courtney is a beautiful person inside and out and she carries herself with such dignity.
Yeeeeees!! What a great gal
She's a youtube business brother. A plumber doesn't fix your toilet because he cares about your bowel movements. He just does what he needs to do to eat and pay bills. All these red pill females just filled a 20 year old void in the red pill market place.
I agree with not "chasing" women, BUT...there are women who admit that they want to be pursued! Even if she likes the guy she wants him to "work for it." Dating sucks!
It's definitely too late for me.
I've discussed myths like this with my friends (especially the "Attraction/Love at First Sight" myth). I'm grateful that you also see through them. Keep up the good work.
This video will help anybody struggling in the dating world. Much respect and thanks Courtney 🙏🏻
This is my question. Who wants to wait 40 years to find their partner or love? "I'm 60 years old and just found love, about to retire and old asl and now all you can do is sit in the house v watch TV and collect your social security". Nan. I think men have mental time limit while females have a biological one. I think by 30 for a female as stated having a baby and having a family begins to become a concern. As for men by 30 or between the ages of 32-35 men begin to appreciate they're in the zone in there peak of life with that decent job and things going well for them without having a lady and so they begin to protect what they have going on, an rather not deal with one especially in today's generation and as of today and just keep there peace of mind and be single. As the popular saying is right now. "The juice is not worth the squeeze".
Well said. If women didn't want me in my early 20's they don't deserve me in my late 20's.
@@Andrew--S thats all Im saying.
@@Andrew--S cap.
I'm reveling in being single. Courting a woman is a side quest for me; my focus is clear and my joy is unshakable. Truly helps.
I view dating as side quests as well, many do not tie into the main story arch or my main quest. Hence, they are waste of time and resources
Just like side quests, they usually aren't worth it. But you do them for fun or storyline.
Very informative video! And the fact that you mentioned people in their 60’s which i am, gives me renewed hope in finding someone…
Thank you sharing all that you do, Courtney. I was always find your advice super helpful:)
What those expecting perfection don't get is that your love interest isn't supposed to meet all your needs. That's too much pressure for anyone and some roles you need filled can't be filled by the same person. you probably don't look for a hard-nosed counsellor to be the person that helps you lighten up and forget your problems. The person you look to for a neutral opinion about marriage challenges isn't always going to be a girl you chose for her whimsical, highly emotional gf with a flare for the dramatic. Yes, a partner is the most important person in your life, but without other relationships to dilute things a bit you will suffocate each other.
Yes! One mistake men make is trauma dumping on women. Often guys will say “men can’t show women any emotion” but that’s not it. Healthy women want an emotionally healthy man who can exhibit emotion and won’t expect her to take on the burden of all a man’s emotional needs. Dudes gotta have family, friends and possibly a therapist to confide with as well!
"the one" is whomever you find and have a successful relationship with. if it falls apart to such a degree that the relationship must end, its time to find another "the one" i was with one woman for 10 years and once the relationship was pulled so hard it snapped, i left and now i'm looking for someone else.
9:30 sometimes I think like that and I'm 33 years old.
It's so good that you in pointing this out, gives me even more hope. Also confirms I know to be true.
Thank you❤
12:00 This part I relate to most! I’ve definitely gotten joy from learning more ways to love myself in my solitude
Love may not have an expiration date but the downward thrust of current dating is causing some people to find true love in their 30s, 40s, or 50s, when they otherwise could have found it in their 20s.
OR many to NEVER find it at all.
Loved this. I agreed with almost all the myths, especially with the ones about "Right person, wrong time" and "You need to feel a spark".
The only one I didn't agree with is "I'll be happy when I get a girlfriend". It's not that a girlfriend would fix all issues, but I think it's sad to go through life without having someone you truly love, and who truly loves you. The human touch and the emotional connection with a lover are not something small.
Courtney's point is that if you're not already happy then getting a girlfriend won't make you happy. Absolutely a girlfriend should add to you happiness but never expect that to be the one thing that will turn your life from unhappy to happy.
Great list! Thanks for sharing!
I love your channel Courtney, I found a lot of help here. Thanks 🙏
I wish I’d learned earlier in life to stop chasing people who weren’t interested in me and spend time with people that want me around.
That's the worst one on the list, but women do it too not just men. To be fair, if the person being chased, makes it clear and boldly tells the chaser to back off, it wouldn't happen. Unfortunately, some loser pathetic dudes feel entitled and better about themselves by doing this to women.
Same. I also would chase women in an ambiguous manner rather than asking them out directly. I feared rejection most of all. Just bite the bullet sooner and move on.
Just be happy that you have all your arms and legs still. Many guys who do not want to accept a rejection does play with their own health..
I stopped chasing people who weren't interested in me. Now I don't chase anyone lmao
Not one single time in my life has anyone ever liked me back, it was all a waste of time in trying to convince them.
@Alexandre Tan yup but this is what the media told us and low self esteem girls. When in reality if you want low self esteem girl you would never chase
I got out of dating six years ago.
I have been off the sex for 17 years.
Somehow I still managed to end up in the gutter.
Good video, thnx so much Courtney for all your videos. I agree “the one” is so idolized even in movies, specially those old movies like 2000 era.
what a great material, I could compliment it for an hour, amazing work, very needed
Maybe "love does not have an expiration date", but dating an attractive younger woman does. Criticize all you want, but men tend to place a higher value on physical attractiveness, and that tends to wane as people age.
“I didn’t feel a spark 😒”
“Oh he’s a Doctor? I suddenly feel that spark 🤩”
-same woman
Great topic. Needed these reminders this morning. Thanks courtney
This might be my favorite video you have made Courtney, I think this advice will help.
Thank God I live Overseas And Away From The USA drama ! I Feel Fot All The Guys Its Sad 😎 Ryan
Haha not everyone is so bad!
Lmao that's true I was just going to say that when she says she didn't feel a spark it meant she didn't have the tingles. Courtney does her homework which is why we take her seriously
Interesting, and I always really enjoy listening to you, however:
- "It's too late" - I'm 36. I want to have a family. This means it doesn't matter what age I am, my partner needs to be within a certain age bracket. Within that age bracket I'm getting less and less chance of anyone fancying me, and I'm feeling I'm having less and less in common with them.
- "I'll be happy when I get a girlfriend". - The thing is, I am very happy in myself and in who I am but I want to go out to a restaurant, go on a day out, go on a holiday (vacation), talk, laugh, cuddle,.... I can't really do these things on my own, and all my friends are married with kids so they are largely unavailable. Though family and friends seem to really see value in me, I'm left eagerly wanting to do things, but never having anyone to do things with. (and doing things gives the chance of meeting a prospective partner).
Super great points! Thank you Courtney!
I’ve not dated now for 8 years, and I’ve never been happier( dating is like working and not getting paid for doing your job) as I see it dating is one massive psychological clusterfuck of don’t do this don’t do that etc , it’s easier just to Lone Wolf it and have your life, for you,
Yeah, dating for men is like a job interview. Being interrogated by some random woman is not fun.
@@Andrew--S yeah that’s what puts me off ( plus all that warpaint they wear as well )
I'm happy Courtney didn't speak the classic lie most women say " Looks, status, money doesn't matter.. It's all about confidence". She stated the myths of dating clearly and truthfully.
I am a man over 40 and it is all about confidence. What is stopping you from approaching at least 1 girl every single day ???
Confidence does matter but so do looks, status and money, unfortunately. You just have to find someone who likes you for your combination of these
@@SunDogGod What is the best woman. Obviously, it's a young attractive nice smart virgin. Men who are dating those girls usually don't have any money or status. Looks? In real life (without makeup or filters) there are as many attractive women as men, as many average women as average men and as many less attractive women as men.
Just wanted to say that I find your videos to be straightforward and full of common sense. I like that. Thanks!
All good points Courtney. As we get older, potential becomes less relevant, after 40 focus on compatibility as most people have reached their potential. A spark can be attributed to past relationship trauma, there has been some research to confirm it. I agree it's never too late, but for men balancing your goals and happiness against dating is important. if you feel like you are wasting time and money on dating, take a break and go chase your passions. Another myth - I can change them, which is common with women but some men do it as well.
"meeting in a nursing home"
This is not a positive thought for a young person or even middle aged
Just picture what that looks like would you look forward to that?
This should be titled “Dating myths everyone should stop believing” because a lot of these apply to everyone, not just men
You're doing a great job, Courtney! Keep it up.
Absolutely valuable from the beginning to the end and perfectly articulated.
Thank you.
Good luck :)
Important things: 0:24 First thing - There is only one person out there for you; 1:32 agree with that (look for potential, not perfection); 3:12 Second thing - Be persistent, and chase her; 5:07 Third thing - You need to feel a spark; Forth thing - Love at first sight; 6:50 Fifth thing - Playing hard to get games / Mind games; 8:05 that's very well told there Courtney, that is exhausting playing these hot and cold games (or I would like to call it yes and no games); 8:14 I respect that you say in finding a hobby; 9:25 Sixth thing - It's too late for you; 9:51 finally that someone says that is never late for love, or anything at all (big respect for that and very big thank you for that Courtney); 11:34 Seventh thing - I'll be happy when I get a girlfriend; 12:05 agree with this way looking in happiness as well; 12:52 Eight thing - Right person, wrong time; 13:26 full respect for that; and 14:57 to summarize all the told as well.
Listening to you Courtney, I can say that some of these mentioned things can be used in other life situations as well, besides finding a right person to spend the whole life it. Meaning, it can be used in finding the right friends, right job for us etc.
Also when I was listening to you Courtney, some of the mentioned things made me tears coming out of my eyes as well.
Among the all of the mentioned things I remember once that one guy told me long time ago one thing. He told me that I have to show angry face. And when I heard that I was like thinking to myself: What are you talking about? Are you crazy, etc.?
The things that would be done like this or like that it's hard to say it. One of my professors from faculty told one thing as well. He told this: "It is easy to be a general after the battle. How about you to be a general during the battle, and make some crucial, and important decisions for solving the dilemmas as well."
But all in all, I agree with you Courtney that action is important as well. It would be more precise to say watch the deeds. Why? Because the deeds will tell us more than the words. The words are nothing compared with the deeds. Believe it or not.
We have to be just relaxed, and believe in ourselves as well. And just do this: Go with the flow.
The thing with right person wrong time... There is never a wrong time even if you're going through some bs in life. This person (if the right one) would support and help you through these tough times and would if anything bring you guys closer compared to if you had met them at this so called right time, when nothing is wrong... So technically the "wrong" time could actually be the better time 🤔
I believe the wrong time tests their loyalty, and determines their compatibility. If they scurry away in fear, they’ll never stick around when things get tough. Hell, anyone who does this doesn’t belong in your life.
@@izzylandyt EXACTLY IT!!
This is the best video yet 🙏🏾🙏🏾 Thank you Courtney.
Ive thought about the "there are plenty of fish in the sea" and I realized that us men dont understand that we aren't looking in the sea. Were looking in flashy muddy puddles.
At 30 years old it's not too late but eventually it is too late particularly if your intent was to have a family. So yes it can be too late.
Yeah and people will judge you for still being single. Even churches will judge someone who's 30 and not married yet.
@@Andrew--S Are you living in Afghanistan or any other development country that is very restricted, religious and patriarchal structured?
@@andersnielsen6044 I live in the USA.
The one about the ''spark'' is actually so sad. Alot of people who are very compatible will just give up after a first date because of not feeling this spark and then wonder why they are still single. Happens too often, people should give each other a bit more time and effort to let things grow and see where it goes.
If it’s not that then you have the flip side where people rush into relationships and then once they really know each other or one big argument or even simple disagreement happens, then they just run for the hills even though it could be very simple issue to resolve
@@lakerskid2013 Ditto on both!
Great video. People get in their own way all the time with beliefs like this. I'm of the opinion that having these beliefs can sometimes be a manifestation of the reality that some people aren't ready for/don't really want a relationship even though they say they are. When you really want to find someone, it's far more likely to happen when you don't create all these barriers and excuses to prevent it.
Loving the humour creeping into your videos. This video actually made me laugh.
Loving your stuff ❤️
7:33 I never understood the hard to get game. whenever women acted uninterested, i've always taken those interactions at face value and left them alone as they seemed to want. then some come back later asking why i wasn't even trying, and i'm like "eh, i thought i was giving you the space you wanted 🤷🏻♂️"
As a side note, with the culture being where it is today in the #MeToo era, if a woman acts uninterested, the only safe assumption for a man is that she's uninterested. It can be disastrous for men to try and figure out if a woman is playing hard to get or is genuinely uninterested.
Love is a choice, not feeling, that's why she's right about the first one that there isn't only one for you.
🎯
Love is a feeling, what you do with it is the choice.
Men love women for who they are.
Women love men for what they can do for them.
The default word love is irrelevant since men and women seek different things.
Very useful tips Courtney. Your wisdom belies your years.
Men are conditioned by culture and film to be like ancient chivalrous knights or pitiful troubadors pining away constantly. Careful consideration of compatibility is crucial to find the best life partner. Contentment with self assures the same with another.
I appreciate all that you do. 😊
Learning to be happy on my own is something which I am definitely trying to learn over time. The first thing for me is learning to like myself first though. Not aiming to impress anyone and just impressing myself. For someone who chased a woman last year for 4 months where she ended up rejecting me despite feeling as if she liked me anyway made me realise that chasing a woman doesn't work if I want a relationship with someone. Been in some messed up situations in the past but that is definitely one of them. I will live and learn one day.
"He was tall and attractive and said all the right things and I felt the spark and the chemistry was intense....and after getting pregnant I realized he was a narcissist sleeping with multiple women I was so blind lol"
Again kind person could attract wrong sort
Wow you guys are so naive. It has nothing to do with being kind. It’s all about physical attraction. If you are a goodlooking man women project all kinds of good qualities on to you that you don’t actually posses.
@@ashtonsmith9682 The women are naive. By nature. That's why they all have kids out-of the same situation I previously described.
@@ashtonsmith9682 like I said sometimes good guys attract wrong sorts.
If had all qualities of intelligent, caring and talented bf
But lacks physical attraction. They go out window 😂
Perhaps YOU should raise your son better than that!
From meeting girls online or blind dates, I've commonly had the issue of the girl saying she "didn't feel a spark" or "didn't feel the chemistry" after only 2-3 dates. I've always felt that is it's unrealistic to expect to feel chemistry after only meeting a complete stranger 2-3 times. It takes time to build that connection. It can be extremely frustrating when women don't even give you the chance to know if there's something there.
Same.
Womxm go on so many dates they are numb to the process. As i said in another post womxn only feel a spark with a guy that they know is out of their league.
they probably looking for "love at 1st sight", in that sense, they should have left after the 1st date, so you gotta appreciate them for coming back for 2 more dates
Replace the word spark with dopamine, and it all makes sense.
That's not true, you can actually tell by first impression whether you like a person or not. It's innate to us just like with the animal kingdom.
Thanks for the positive energy, Courtney!
It's extremely easy to be positive when your very attractive cause most unattractive aren't not that positive there extremely realistic when it comes to dating
I despise “right person wrong time” for the exact reason you said. But saying “right person wrong time” implies that there is an inverse: wrong person right time.
Courtney, what are your thoughts on the notion that women are attracted to men with a high body count? I’ve noticed some women are turned off by men that haven’t slept with that many women.
Not sure how that can even be articulated in any reasonable way.
@@MikeyP109well, I’m asking because I’ve experienced it. Many girls would rather date a guy who has a body count of 15+, instead of a guy whose body count is 2-3.
@@carlosf.3876 I just can't figure out how you know this is all happening.
@@MikeyP109 did you not read my last comment? I’ve experienced it 🙄
@@carlosf.3876ikeyP109 thinks in one dimension only. He also thinks that all men play hard to get. He probably needs coffee to wake up for the day.
Probably some 20 year old kid roaming on the internet because he got tired of Tik Tak or Instagram.
Great video as always, but there's one thing I'd like to push back on: "right person wrong time" can totally happen organically with no ill-intent on either party. Sometimes life just happens and you have to deal with it. Examples:
1) You meet someone that you seem very compatible with, but you two can't be together because they are still in the honeymoon phase with their new SO (whom they'll eventually find out is a bit emotionally unstable and not a good fit after all).
2) You're dating someone in college who is super compatible with you, but they need to go off to medical school in Boston, while you want to go off to law school in California.
I get that some people create excuses/delusions, but are these not two completely innocent examples of "right person wrong time"?
The beautiful and sultry Courtney Ryan graces us with another on point video. What a great day.
Thank you Courtney. This video really spoke to me.
“Perfectionism is the art of never being satisfied.” ― Anonymous.
My ex girlfriend took the first viewpoint Courtney had quite literally. She didn’t limit herself to just one person while we were together 😅😂
😂
As a 50 year old guy, I haven't even bothered to look for three years. My kids and surviving my ex have made looking at dating again, the exhaustion of it, just not worth the time.
I’m happy to hear that it’s not too late to find love. The myth of an “expiration date” is tired and needs to go away. The question becomes - who arbitrarily comes up with these expiration dates?
There was a girl I met at a part-time job when I was a freshman in college. We were both 19, and she was just fresh out of a breakup and in between relationships. She used to say outlandish things on MySpace and at work about single men who were older than 20 who were still single about how if they are still virgins they’ll always be virgins, or that if men haven’t had a girlfriend by 20 they’ll never get one. I’m curious to know if I were to run into her now at 34 or 35 years old, what her opinion would now be? Will it remain the same, or will she have matured and changed her opinion?
I’ll be honest, she used to flirt with me at work and I fell for her flirting. I’m not sure if she knew that I liked her and she was looking for ways to inadvertently push my buttons because she knew I liked her, or if she was just being immature and performative?