Why Asian Americans Are The Most Depressed
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- čas přidán 8. 04. 2024
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www.naapimha.org/
www.nycaamh.org/
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#mentalhealth #depressed #sad
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Asian Kids : I am depressed.
Asian parents : You should be happy. We had no food, no roof, no nothing.
lol exactly
There is a disconnect between old and new generations. Asian parents are not best with communicating with their kids. Resulting in young generation going through the depression.
Funny that you can use this same logic back on them. In Africa, the conditions are far worse than East Asia. So they should of been happy in their childhood, right? And they will just get mad if you say this. To them, being older means automatically right and you cannot refute them.
And then you will regret one day when you have no food, no shelter, no nothing
Thissss
I (Afro-Latin Brown Girl) have dated mostly asian men (Korean, Chinese, Filipino, Hawaiian) mainly due to proximity and friend groups and the sadness is REAL. Our relationships always ended because more energy was used pulling them out of a depression so we couldn’t truly grow together. It became way too exhausting. I still have so much love for them and wish them all the best 💖
Mental health should be discussed more in all communities
You have a fetish for asian men, it's just lust, easy to understand why the "relationships" you had didn't last that long.
@unikorninc2599
Absolutely. Mental health has been shoved away too much in the dark recesses of society. Psychotherapists can help by giving advices but they may not be available to the less fortunate-in-life people. Maybe it's why we the Columbians 🇺🇲 open up to strangers a lot -- basically a core dump ! 😝
I am a black girl and I have dated Korean, chinese and current engaged to a a Vietnamese man.....and I approve this comment...all they talk about is death and depression everyday...if you are going to date or marry an asian men....please get an insurance policy on them just in case
In Asia, being depressed mean you're weak. Being introvert mean you're kind of like mentally disabled.
They have unrealistic expectations and they think being a workaholic is some kind of badge of honor. In Japan they work themselves literally to death.
Same with white Americans. White Americans are not soft and gentle. And at least Asian Americans actually care if their kids have food and shelter. White American boomers could care less if their kids have anything at all once we turn 18!
I don’t understand the point of being the mega-achievers that they are if they’re just going to be depressed after all the achievements. 😫
@@noble604 agree. Depressed and underpaid. Most of them will never become a boss where they work no matter how educated they are, but some seem to have an unrealistic expectation that they will.
@@GenerationX1984 even bosses over work themselves in those countries. Manga artists Kentaro Miura and Akira Toriyama who own their own highly successful studios all died early deaths because of over work
Doesn’t help when everyone else treats like we are ok to bully
How is 60% of the world population bullied? and if that is the case why is a ethnicity that is 3 times larger then Caucasians, and 3 times larger then African by population allowed themselves to stand up for themselves?
thats why asians need to blast hgh and tren to bulk up
You guys aren’t. Sorry if anyone makes you feel that way there’s a lot of ignorant people now a days
buddy Asian and orientals arent synonymous..ever wonder why India is bigger now than China in people and why the word is caucASIAN?:) Do you think Arabs ARENT Africans too?
... while Asìan Amerìcans bullied Błack Amerìcans within their own community.
Let’s be true about the history of what went on in these communities. It’s not a total history of victimization.
Old school asian parents raise their kids like pet fish. They feed and maintain their home and that's about it for showing love lol
Tiger parents want there kids to be educated not knowing their true feelings what the kids are going through
@@gian19791: True. They always talk about doctor, lawyer, but not knowing the pain, sweat n tears that goes along the journey. Oh yeaah, asian parents always complain, even little shit too. It doesnt help while going to college. If you have to take care siblings too while going to college then good luck.
Yeah most Asian parents are like that, but not my parents. I have fulll Chinese parents who are super chill. And they came from 1960s.
Asians put money and education over personal happiness. I’m retired and happy but for some reason all of my family wants me to keep working 😵💫
Pet fish don’t get traumatized as much as Asian kids
I remember my father once saying, "What's the use in complaining? Nobody cares anyway." His formative experiences were the Great Depression, growing up in San Francisco Chinatown, and fighting in World War II. He said as a Chinese American back then you didn't dare to cross Broadway because the Italians would beat you, so you were very much confined within the limits of Chinatown in the 1920s and 30s. His family witnessed Chinese being lynched by white people in America back in the late 1800s and even as late as 1947. That kind of generational trauma led to an inherent distrust of everyone outside the community and a complete unwillingness to talk to a psychologist or mental health counselor. There weren't any Chinese professionals in those fields back then and still very few today.
Yes I know for a fact lynching is traumatizing.
My dad (only in his mid 40's maybe) told me that when we were younger. The Italians in the neighborhood threatened him to stop bringing his black college friends over. Or they'd smash windows or assault us.
Nowadays they would never say something like that. Plus older Italians becoming old and dying, while their kids move out the neighborhood.
I would agree that things were still different for Asians. We weren't always a model minority
It’s tough being a child of Vietnamese parents. I started broke as a child as my parents immigrated here with nothing. They worked very hard to keep me in school and provided enough so I didn’t have to worry about shelter, clothes or food. But they also put a ton of pressure on me to succeed because they saw it as their lives were sacrificed for my benefit. I’ve become a multimillionaire and bought them a SoCal home next to the beach trying to please them. I pay for their bills and send money every month so they don’t have to worry about any finances. Yet they rarely ever tell me they appreciate it. All I get from them is to keep working harder. Sometimes it feels like no matter how well I do in life I’m never going to meet their expectations.
Hi! Your parents are very lucky to have you.. you are a kind and generous person and I’m sure they appreciate all you’ve done for them but don’t know how to express it at all. They probably never got a word of encouragement from their own parents so the concept is foreign to them.
I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel..
They lack the emotional intelligence buddy their sacrifice was love
You should not just buy them love. Go visit them as often as you can and just give them a big hug without even having to say anything. That’s Asian thingy I think. Sending this across the pacific from Singapore. Cheers❤:-)))
You are a good man. Respect. I feel your parents love you very much but they don’t know how to express it. It’s the Asian culture.
Asian parents rarely express feeling. They express it by giving you food.
I'm black African and I know this isn't my place to say, but I just came here to say I love Asians, As a black dude my whole life Asian people have been nothing but kind to me even kinder than my own race and others, My high school sweetheart was even Asian and she was the sweetest soul i had at the time of my darkest days, If you are dealing with this I hope you make it through and end the cycle ❤️ ❤️❤️
I agree they are well received people across the world. And I hope they all know that they are loved.
Agreed. The ones I knew, started up a business with their siblings. They are cool people and bring awesome things to us with their business.
Thank you. I am Asian and my best friend is black. Y’all cool and understanding.
@@tonyswe9463 Nice. I'm Mexican and my best friend is Salvadorian, another is British, and another is Native American. I hope we can all be great
Thank you.
I like these channel as a non asian person (french carribean black) it teach me about the mindset and culture of people who are different from me that I have an interest in : asian people. It teach me what is common accross humanity. Its also a good fun.
Ricecels
Unfortunately, this isn't an issue that can be resolved so easily. Let's face it, many of us Asians, we're too shy and afraid to go out and meet other people outside of our own bubble. Like Andrew said, so many of the younger Asians these days, they live online instead of the real world and it makes them depressed. From personal experience, I was a shy Asian kid back in grade school and a little bit high school. But once I started college, I decided to get out of my own bubble, met different type of people and now I'm very social and happy about life.
I really wish that wasn’t the case because the world (especially when we’re kids) is really missing out on having Asìan American friends. I remember summer camp. There were three of us, all about 10 years old - Asìan, Błack and whìte - who hung out together and who did everything together as the “three musketeers.” It was so much fun. I don’t think any of us had had that kind of closeness before with anyone outside of our racìal group but we certainly bonded that summer and became fast friends. It was great. I will cherish that experience forever, just hanging out, doing summer camp things. We need you, Thank you for sharing yourself with everyone. 🌱
East Asian and South East Asians are like separate race when it comes to issues like this.
@@AsianSP
When you say region are you referring to ASEAN countries , because S. Korea has one of if not the highest suicide rate on earth.
Filipinos are one of the least judgemental people.
South East Asians value family closeness more and warmth, East Asian families are more cold
@@92ChatNoir92i have to agree. Im korean and ive always been jealous of my Filipino friends and how they always have so many family parties to go to.
@@92ChatNoir92only Japanese and Korean are like that, Chinese are more similar to southeast asian in some ways
"Asians don't do happy well" is so real. Even when everything is seemingly going well, the grass always seems greener elsewhere
So right. My parents were never congratulatory with achievements. "You can do better"😑
Asians by default are unhappy.. they believe if they have a few million dollars, then they would then be happy. Not knowing that money will only magnify their sadness even more. This topic is very deep.. it comes from our culture and drive for success. It's also the asian women who are constantly nagging and complainting. They do that to their husbands and also later to their kids. If you look at those mom & pop businesses, you sometimes see the boss lady is super toxic to her employees.. just imagine how controlling she is to her kids
The happier you are, the harder the fall. That's why Asians strive for stability and contentment. Don't confuse contentment for sadness.
@pinkypilot You should be able to see that your achievements are good, no need to told that it's good.
@@silveriver9 except that when you do bad then all hell break loose. There is never an upside to it. It's either neutral (when you exceed their expectations) or wtf (when you fall short). The relationship never improves, either stays constant or goes downwards, that is a depressing outlook.
I'm African American but from the outside looking in, it seems that Asian communities seem to hyperfixate on money, success and appearances to the point that a large portion of these communities deal with a great deal of anxiety and depression. Feeling
Bingo. They suffer from class anxiety to the extent that its harmful. Everything is a competition to them because of their parents enforcing classist, imperialist ideologies on them. "You must be better than the next person" with "better" meaning materially. They miss the biggest asset that sets Americans apart from Asia and its compassion.
@@Group.BAmerican culture has its issues too, as all cultures do. No need to compare the two cultures. One might be better at certain things but the other has its strengths as well. Learning the best of each other is good place to start.
There was a local news story here about a beloved and popular Chinese restaurant owner retiring. She was interviewed and she emphasized that she was not closing the restaurant, just giving it over to someone new and that she only took about 4 days off, 7 days a week, in about her 35 years of running the restaurant. 😶 I was thinking what kind of life was that that she had, no matter how much money she made, to never be off from work? 😶 It seems so depressing and life such a waste of living and balance and joys of enjoying other things ... family, rest, vacation, travel, amusement, educating... But that’s each person’s choice. We all have but one life to live😊
Totally right! You got it!
I do subscribe to my Mom's saying: 『身邊沒銅, 走路像瘟蟲。』
"If one has no [copper-coin] money by one's side, one walks upon a road like a sickened worm."
It's important to build a *solid financial foundation* to avoid one's becoming a miserable sickened worm. It's the double-hulled seafaring way to live "a *boring* life." A hull breach is just an expensive repair item, not an oil-tanker-spill environmental disaster.
There's a limit beyond which money makes no sense to one's happiness. In my accounting, having money is a *necessary but not sufficient* condition to having happiness.
I'm a latina who worked in a Korean restaurant for 9 months, I was given a lot of hot and cold treatment with my family growing up (sweet moments mixed with physical and emotional abuse) but the Koreans I came to know were as warm as a deep freezer. I wanted to prove I could learn and improve and every mistake I made cut into me like a knife. I learned a lot and I am grateful but I understand now why the suicide rate is so high because that total indifference and judgment is planted and quickly spreads like a cancer. I still struggle with perfectionism and I'll carry that with me the rest of my life.
There's nothing wrong with striving for perfection. Where we often go wrong is when we *expect* effort to have a payoff of success. Things usually aren't under our control but we can strive to *improve* the odds of having a successful outcome. Failing once isn't enough to reflect upon me.
Of course, I think that the fox 🦊 in Aesop's tales saying that the grapes which it couldn't eat being *ALL SOUR GRAPES* was very intelligent indeed. It didn't matter whether they're truly all sour or sweet. It mattered that one minimized in one's mind one's loss by walking away.
Very wise words, can't make everyone happy it's a fruitless endeavor that leaves you as an empty shell
I am a Latino Chinese haha , born in China and raised in Mexico. My Latin side made me a happy "Chinito". Yes the Chinese side is depressing. My Mexican relatives always happy, enjoy family gathering and caring. As long as they have beer and fiestas they are cool. The Chinese relatives denied they even have Latin family, they always comparing their kids, how much money they make or what ivy league colleges they are attending.
Beer and Fiestas 😂😂😂
The Chinese parents I have met aren't like that. And always happy can be a meaningless life too
@@NoDoubtAz Wake up from the Asian depression, pal! Stop denying others' happiness to make yourself feel better with your crazy cultural background and just accept the truth, walk on and take the shackles off. Be happy, only for yourself, not for your race or your Asian parents.
You are so right! You've got the point. Look at the comments, these Asian kids are so depressing and frustrated and keep complaining about their Asian parents. Just swallow down the truth, accept the sad life experiences and move on 😅
As an Asian person of myself, I always questioned and asked myself, "Why am I always get wounded by the toxic parents?" As an Asian person also with a disability, it much more worse... I always get gaslit by being said by one of the toxic family members that I don't get or received any kind of benefits.
Felt… seriously i feel like they dont care enough to wsnt to understand.
buddy Asian and orientals arent synonymous..ever wonder why India is bigger now than China in people and why the word is caucASIAN?:) Do you think Arabs ARENT Africans too?
That might be because there short of an anti disability culture belief in the old school Asian community. It is starting to wear off in the Asian American community. But there is still left over toxic Asian culture there
Asian American here, Chinese-Japanese, born and raised in the US. However, the Asian cultural aspects run deep. I feel like part of the problem is the belief that one should not shame the family name which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it actually involves your extended family so there is a comparison with not just siblings, but cousins as well. In one family, I had cousins who were doctors, engineers, and CPA's. When I decided to go into education, it was like, "Ohhh, teachers don't make as much as engineers, huh?" And when my sister decided NOT to go to college at all, WHOA!!! A major shame upon our family. (A good "side effect" is the fact that Asians have a low rate of crimes committed because that is the ultimate name shame.)
The other thing is how we are taught to not make waves; don't be the nail that sticks out because, what will people think? A major embarrassment to parents is if you make a scene like, say, crying in the supermarket. "STOP IT! EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YOU!" We are always concerned with what other people might think when the reality is, most other people don't give a _ _ _ _ about you.
But the really ironic thing is...as I got married and had my own children, I found myself telling my kids the exact same thing! I became my parents! And so, the culture continues.
You have to learn to let go of that mentality. You owe your parents nothing and worrying about how they are percieved based on your accomplishments sounds insane from the outside looking in.
Is this the face saving mechanism at play? I notice this in socially cohesive groups like Asians, but I do not see this in my native population of caucasians.
@@Sephaos Yes, you got it. One of the worst things you can do as an Asian is to do something (like a crime) and get your name splashed all over the news and shame your family. This is one reason why Asians have a low crime rate, but it has been changing. This is not to say they don't commit any crime or why other races do. And there are differences with Asians who were born and raised in the west for generations vs. new immigrants or those who still live in Asia. The culture gets diluted.
@@spang9782 That makes a lot of sense, honestly. I honestly wish the west at least somewhat adopted this mindset.
Glad this topic is being addressed. Depression is also a lack of joy . Asians (especially in US) are not raised to be joyful. The priority is on security, safety, conformity, traditional success and achievements. These values tend to make a person rigid which makes it hard to feel joy. keep talking about this topic cause it's something I think a lot of Asian Americans struggle with silently.
Asian ethic emphasizes "first the bitter then the sweet". But its obfuscated by the constant desire to be better relative to your peers and so the "sweet" or the light at the end of the tunnel is metaphorical. It never really truly arrives.
Yea but nothing comes for free. It's just a fact of life. Happiness shouldn't come from our surroundings to be exact.
The problem for Asian guys is that society has a very clear set of expectations for how we are to act based on stereotypes. If you're an Asian guy, acting extra and wild actually helps you adapt better. There will always be some people who are casually racist that will be pissed at that for no reason but acting unhinged in a fun way can help you build friendships with non-asian people because they'll think you're fun.
LOL but Asians are 60% of the worlds population so who created the expectations? the 12% white or 14% African or maybe 10% non-white? who should the majority blame?
Where are you finding these sad Asians?
I'm a happy Vietnamese Chicken Farmer in Texas.😊
Ah another South East Asian Master Race 😂 high five ✋
I think you're lying. Never met a happy chicken farmer lol
@@stump4522 vietnamese has nothing to do with Southeast asian culturally. Southeast asians mainly refer to filipinons, indonesians, cambdoians, etc.
Happy chickens, happy life!
You in Texas. Of course you would be happier. Everything is bigger and cheaper in Texas compare to California where most Asians lives.
Asian parents are so tough on their kids. I see it often. It is very sad
i been to a few asian/chinese meetup groups and most of them just enjoy talking about their careers. thats fine for 10 min or so but thats all they talk about. if its not about their job its about stocks or some money making opportunity. gets dry very fast.
This!
thats sad lol and none of them want to talk about their personal problems even tho probably all of them have some sort in some way not financially or academically
buddy Asian and orientals arent synonymous..ever wonder why India is bigger now than China in people and why the word is caucASIAN?:) Do you think Arabs ARENT Africans too?
Many of us Asian adopt behavior we despise most in our parents. I think I was spared because of my slight degree autism/ dyslexia. Like in true American form, the rabbit though slow, he is steady. Dang, I'm coasting far past expectation.
Our parents tell us we're failures everyday. They're objective and want immediate results. They want us on a clear path. Work isn't something that can be enjoyable for them. They don't care if we're happy as they weren't. A "maybe" or "working" towards something is not happening according to them. Our parents don't have the healthiest married relationship and they hate how we're like the other parent or like themselves. They believe they know what's best for us. They own us if we live under their roof.
The depression comes from the reality compared to expectation. East Asian in general maintains high expectations either from yourselves or from family expectations. As a Korean American, it is expected. When I was in middle school, I had to learn three languages in Korea (Korean, Chinese characters and English in 1960s). My mom told me to "Suck it up boy". I am very appreciative of my mom, because I used it everyday in my life, making a living in America, enjoying the CZcams in my retirement now. When going is tough, I just repeat to myself "Suck it up boy". Cheers
Man, it's been a long time since I've heard someone talk about "吃苦" and it brings back memories of childhood listening to the adults talk about life. "Chi ku" reminds me of the concept of "life is suffering" except the former has connotations of "that's life, deal with it," and the latter includes "yes, and that is why you want to transcend this mortal coil and not become attached to anything in it."
A non-Asian friend and I recently came to the conclusion that everyone is miserable, but the degrees and manifestations of stress differ. Financial security, physical and mental well-being, emotional fulfillment, support network .... you can't have it all and no matter how much you do have, there is always something missing.
David and Andrew....I hope you're happy.
I think it’s Mostly people think that Asian Americans are smart and must attend Ivy League schools or top grade universities. But some Asian Americans are not like that. Which often get looked down by other people not being the best. Especially by other Asians
Let's acknowledge this is a toxic culture fueled by the "Model Minority" stereotype pushed by whites to pin non-whites against one another. We are also participating in the poisonous culture because we bought it based on low self-esteem due to a lack of community and political power. We can be part of the problem and get out of it if we want to :).
Yep I agree
I find most non Asians don’t care but a fellow Chinese would give you odd look or remark if you don’t fit that mold
It’s like they are parenting you .
Very judgemental I say
Asian incel men
Same I was looked down upon for being bad at math back in school lol.
@@monchichipower6334 I hope they can do a video about Asian Americans who have disabilities because often Asian who are have a Disability are often get looked down by other Asians especially in the first generation Asian immigrant community due to some old school Asian culture
My favorite boss I've ever had was an Asian doctor. She was very appreciative and rewarded me frequently. I worked my butt off too. Her family liked me too. Thankful for those years.
this was a great video and what I was thinking about at the moment. It's like you guys read my mind. thanks for this conversation
Appreciate you bringing up this whole topic.
Growing up with one or both parents who are cynical is the worst. Nothing you do is ever good enough for them. They will never tell you how _proud_ they are of you regardless of the size of the victory. You score a small victory by shooting a basketball through the hoop? Silence. You an B on your report card? Not good enough. Being forced to live in that kind of household totally ruins a kid's confidence for the rest of their lives in thinking they simply aren't good enough.
My whole life I've been cynical because of my parents. I'm always finding the faults in everything and everyone. Even after realizing this I _still_ do it because I'm so used to it.
If I ever have kids of my own I will try my hardest to break the bullshit. No child should be raised like that.
and lets not forget the lack of freedom or domestication where they force tie a leash or chain you up barking orders, they literally try to make your life decisions from who you can hangout with to oh no you want to play ball or do combat sport? you crazy you want to be homeless?
I went on a blind date with a Korean man who graduated law school months prior. He told me he had major depression, overwhelming sense of responsibility to repay and provide for his parents. He had so much sadness within. He was Christian as well. I grew up with my mother’s side of the family having a perpetual dark cloud over most of their family. With stories of suicides, cheating and unkind acts. My father and many of his family on the other hand were optimistic and positive. Big family, no money, dad died early, no education. My dad enjoyed work and family life. Not a big drinker, gambler. We are Korean and Catholic. My father likes to pick flowers for me on his walks. My father likes to come in my room in the mornings and kiss my cheek and tell me I could talk to him about anything. We were all born in Korea. I have to decide who I want to emulate and which family perspective I want to carry on. I just wanted to share that people are different, whether they are Christian, or born in Asian or of another family, or male or female Asians or come from privilege or poverty.
My friend said Korean men have the smallest downstairs
And what’s so great about you, hot shot? You are just going around saying shit about Asian men in an Asian CZcams channel 😂 You look hella immature.
Also, women know that a real man is way more than what us between his legs, so what’s your point? 🤡
@@StyleswithCourtney thats the pygmies from the african race and large obese whtie dudes who have the highest % of mirco penis that cant even get hard
@@StyleswithCourtney But you guys have much higher divorce rates than Koreans.
In general, society has become more isolated. It is hard to find someone you trust enough to open up to.
From my observation as a Mexican American, Asian Americans definitely worship Money, achievement, and status that is borderline religious. It’s kinda creepy. Even your comment about praying to Buddha for wealth is spot on! Whenever my parents pray, it’s always about asking god for guidance, maybe health for our loved ones, but money and achievement? Never!
I agree they kinda dehumanize their kids sometimes
Yea they put money, career, and reputation over personal happiness
@@locostacks8243 Don’t get me wrong, money is important. But not at that extreme! At the end of the day, it’s all about balance!
But don’t you think Latinos are in opposite extreme? They don’t care enough about money until it’s a problem. Some just deal with it and grind through the struggle. But many turn to crime for easy money cuz they “gotta feed their kids” but this attitude just creates a culture of violence that is rampant in Latino communities. This just isn’t the case with Asians.
buddy Asian and orientals arent synonymous..ever wonder why India is bigger now than China in people and why the word is caucASIAN?:) Do you think Arabs ARENT Africans too?
This video came out at a great time. I just had a consultation with a therapist today. Ive been noticing my depression and anxiety has been hard to manage so i reached out to a therapist and he's Asian too i felt like if my therapist has a similar cultural background we can relate with eachother.
Peace of mind, or emptiness in Buddhism probably comes closest, but it’s still very different. I’m not as familiar w/ Confucianism or Taoism. However, modern “happiness” is defined through a very western lens. Being open emotionally is something that I don’t see in many Asian families either, nor is seeking treatment for depression or other mental health issues. I definitely had suicidal ideation as an Asian American teen, but I also attended a high school in the 90’s where there was only 20-30 Asian students. As an adult and someone training to be a therapist, I’m now quite different from my parents and grandparents.
Not surprised. 100% can relate with depression, loneliness recently and suicidal thoughts when I was younger.
No matter what ppl say , we are not supposed to be in America . I felt that way as a mexican in U.S. I mean you are supposed to be in your country but your parents chose to take you there or birth you there . Ironically I moved to Taiwan and feel more at home here tho 😅
They Knock down our neighbourhoods in Australia and turned them into brutally block out the sun apartments. Then you all move in totally changing the area
@@theragoooverlord5021 I'm mexican
@@DonutsForever24 just wanted to show you the environmental impact they have in other western nations..
And how their legs shake if they are not eating on public transport
@theragoooverlord5021 in Asia they can't eat on public transport either . I don't understand what you are talking about .
i think it’s because Asians we never really express our feelings. On top of that we do things to make our parents happy but not ourselves. like going into a career u don’t even like but doing it because it makes alot of money and to measure up to our parents standards. And then they become depressed but too embarrassed to express it to our parents or peers
im a black guy dating a half Vietnamese and half Chinese American girl and one thing she likes about me is my more upbeat playful energy. not sure if thats cause shes sad normally like most other asians?
These comments are out of control
yes her whole family is just sad and you know how to make her day with your charisma
Thank you for this show help me understand a lot more than inner workings of the Asian mind
They need to be more Zen, more Buddhist less Confucius. Lower your expectations. All suffering comes from 😮 desires. I think as a culture Asians have higher expectations on themselves, their families , colleagues. Always comparing and judging each other is a tough on friendship relationships. Equating success with material things. It's will take many generations if at all to change this culture mindset. I have mass respect for their work ethic, their art, poetry, architecture, the way they honor their history. But maybe time to let go strict Confuciusism, thinking about their place in comminity and become more self centered doing what makes you Happy not what is EXPECTED. Love Asian Culture, Love your show.
Try to find things that give you JOY and decrease things that takes joy away from you.
I think that community thing is a factor.
That is what churches help provide (as opposed to personally religious or spiritual beliefs that people do) as well as stuff like sports teams. Or it could be other things like drama or community gardens or whatever. When I look at African-Americans who have been through a lot of society abuse in work, education, housing, law enforcement, health and medicine, etc, what helps a good deal is the community connections.
I can also see what a black family might elect to live in a majority black neighborhood even when they can well afford to live in other neighborhoods. It is more difficult to build the community connections for their kids.
I think many Asian families just take it for granted, or don't pay attention to that. They might think it is more valuable to spend money on private music lessons or test taking prep, or if they own their business, have the kids work in the business. They have less opportunity for community connection. And if you did not grow up with it, then it is very hard to establish that later in life.
i agree with the dude who stated f asian culture in america. i always felt left out everywhere i go, even my own brethren in high school, and now i'm the weirdo who enjoys listening to death metal, and working in a skilled labor job being the only asian there
Weird because Asians make up 60 % of the worlds population, next highest ethnicity is 14% and the third is 12% but those ethnicity's never seem to talk about feeling left out.
There's a clash in cultural values. I'm Chinese Born Canadian and unfortunately do not represent my Asian descent at all. I don't speak my native language well, and do not value what's conventional for success. I'll simply say that achieving financial success is the only hallmark you will be respected for, especially for the sons out there. I can't stand being around family gatherings because of non-sensical gossip regarding social rankings based on what car you drive, input any luxury garbage you own, how big is your house and the area you live in, etc. It's not about you as a person, but to propel the family legacy. That's why Chinese people do work so hard, but also why many tend to smoke, drink, and gamble when they have nothing to show for. Also, dating is hard for Asian men is likely because the parents don't want to taint the bloodline, so potential prospects are very few and may not align with your own personal preferences.
As an Indian guy born and raised in the US, I have observed that Asian and Indian culture from India is very similar. I feel there is like an 80-90 percent overlap but with some differences which is religion. I would say the other differences I noticed as bad as my parents were with their obsession with grades, they actually ended up having some sympathy for me when they saw I was never going to be a great academic superstar. They saw how hard I tried but I only ended up being a B and C student which is terribly underperforming for an Indian. I did end up getting a degree, but my grades mirrored what I was in high school. I have noticed with other Indian kids that were mediocre in school that their parents just had them run a gas station, hotel, restaurant, etc. That to me is always the backup plan from Indian parents if their kids fail at school. In some cases, the kids did nothing and turned to alcohol and drugs due to feeling like they were a failure for their families.
In some ways I feel my mediocrity saved me from some mental health issues in the sense I realized once I graduated college that I was never going to be accepted by either side of my family due to my mediocrity. That I ended up just cutting off both sides of my family. I'm just close to my younger brother and maintain good relations with my parents while I don't ever talk to uncles, aunts, cousins since they are all gossip mongrels that obsessed with status and comparisons.
The other way Indian and Asian guys have it bad in America is we are the targets of bullies who are white and black. The nasty comments on this video about Asian guys being incels illustrates this point with a people just laughing at it including some Asian girls which shows how bad it is. Growing up being a target was always the case with me since I got into plenty of fights with whites and blacks. I won some and lost some. Looking back, I realize those kids I fought with were straight up racists simply because I did nothing to them that deserved the treatment I got from them. The only advice I would give to young Asian guys is when it comes to the bullying is to fight back. It's much better to fight back and risk-taking losses vs doing nothing and being submission to these ass holes.
Factor in the bullying at school Asians and Indians guys take and then the bullying by parents at home to get great grades along with it being difficult to get your sexual desires taken care of when you are young, and it will result in an unhinged person. There is just not a healthy balance there being setup for a person to be healthy mentally.
Once parents are old and can't do for themselves is when adult children should step up. Nobody should be supporting their parents at 18. BTW your parents were supposed to take care of you when you were a child. Nobody should feel like they're forever indebted to their parents.
I’ve been so alone most of my life, I just enjoy being by myself at this point. Lol but thats what made me struggle to go out and meet ppl nowadays.
Asian Americans are isolated because people always exclude anyone different
Yes, here in LA they live in the boba bubble - 626 SVG
like i say the chinese exclusion act never really ended just every other race acts it but passively. In all social groups in grade school its the asians especially the east asians the chinese that are excluded from other race social groups
Lmao making this claim while 60% of the worlds population are Asian.. I guess the 2nd 14% and 3rd highest 12% ethnicities must feel 3x as Isolated then huh?
@@quincy189 Asians exclude themselves from every aspect of society. Its not uncommon to see black and white and latino friends. Its very uncommon to see Asians in mixed friend groups and its their own doing.
Nope. Japan has highest rates of suicide and its a homogenous society. Stop looking for fake racism everywhere.
I'm white but saw how hard shit was for an Asian friend of mine. She loooooved history. She sucked at math and just wanted to be a historian.
Her father was a big shot in China and put sooooo much pressure on her. Her parents picked all her classes for her and she was failing.
I found out later that she stopped going - she'd just walk around campus holding her books and, I assume, circling the void. :(
When her grades came in her parents pulled her out and I lost contact with her. It was so sad.
She just wasn't what they wanted and it's like... she was so sweet and caring. Always felt better after hanging out. She was such a good person but her parents had like... formed this metal mold for her and tried to hammer her into it.
And she didn't fit the mold. I think they just crushed her instead.
Do you have any information on what happened to her?
Definitely express yourself more..Through words, arts, actions such as releasing emotions like smiling, crying, joy etc ..Religion can be for spiritual peace..✌🏻
I have had two different experiences in my life from my Asian background and also my friendships and romantic interests that have favored Filipino and Spanish people. On my Asian side, most everyone is pretty driven, ambitious and successful but also live mostly within the bubble of their significant other, maybe some kids, and immediate family if they live nearby. Some go to church so that is where they get their community engagement but mostly everyone is like their own island and I would say have many of the sentiments expressed in this video.
In the Latin side of my life it is a much different experience where family, friendships and community is what is important. The emphasis is on being happy, being a decent person, caring for the people in your life, and there isn't the Asian kind of pressure to succeed academically and professionally. Here the people in my life are anything but an island and everyone is pretty involved in each other's life so there's always get togethers or parties and everyone is generally pretty engaged and supportive. The pain of course is that you can find yourself dealing with the drama in other people's lives but the benefit is that when you have drama in yours you are not alone.
I really wish that for my Asian side we could have some more of that sense of community and social engagement beyond our little islands. So many of us have the same struggles, challenges, and experiences, but we all feel like we go through it alone. I have tried to engage more many of my Asian family and friends and some are receptive. Those that do are usually happier for it.
A key point (sorry pet peeve of mine having lived in Spain)… Spanish descent and Latino are not the same thing. Latinos are not Spanish. Spanish people are white Europeans. In Spain you even see full blooded Spaniards with natural blond hair and blue eyes.
Perhaps you meant to say you were half Filipino and half Latin American?
I'm the first generation CBC (Canadian Born Chinese). I don't have a problem with depression. I'm 62 & an empty-nester. I love my life. My kids are doing well...& I am able to pursue all my passions. It's great! I think that is very individual . But, alot of people...not only Asians, suffer from depression. 😳 It has alot to do with your own circumstances...loneliness, separation from your family through distance, financial circumstances? Alot of issues cause depression. You can't make general statements like this about all Asians. 😳🤷🏻♀️🙄 There is help out there...go for some counselling...maybe you need meds to help you out. Depression is rampant. Life/work balance.
This is the most useless comment. Someone take away her Asian card. She’s so ashamed of being Asian that she actually erased her ancestral name. No hyphenation… so she can pretend to be white.
In Chinese, there is a saying called 难得糊涂，it is hard to be confused.
Or rather, happiness is fleeting, and happiness is really just a brief moment of confusion, before you are in clarity, and pain.
Thanks for the video 😊
Has anyone ever thought it's just a different culture?. I personally find Western culture seems to fake happiness more even though I was raised in America and completely westernized. Also there are a spectrum of feelings between happy and sad, such as content. We American's put such an emphasis on the portrayal of happiness that we'll resort to medication to achieve such results. Sometimes being sad for a short period is a good thing, it can mean self reflection and it's also a form of emotion that needs to exist. People can't always be happy and high energy, it's literally exhausting.
That’s also true. Western culture is fake too, (to me.) I do get that, too.
dudes, have your heard of the saying "sadder but wiser", just lose some brain cells.
Facts. I am mixed Asian and it’s hard to get past these issues. Especially when you relate so hard but also do not fit in with other Asians as much either. Issues in the community are ignored and you are just told that you have to make it through and be successful and not complain. When you even talk about mental health it’s often met with you should be grateful and zero support.
Its not just Asian culture... some blk communities don't recognize or resonate with depression as well..its frowned upon and your supposed to cout your blessings rather than focus on depression even when your not taught life coping skills as a child teenager
Many of the things you guys say are true!
My end is also mixed of being a US Marine Veteran. So I have a much complex mess.
Most Asian parent experience poverty and they don't want their kids to go thru the same.
Having an education can guarantee a good living, not rich, but good.
In addition, most of the time, Asian parents work LONG hours and minimum pays so they are extremely tired after work and don't have much time to spend with us.
My source is from feeling a disconnect in culture with my mostly non Asian coworkers. There's some things I can't relate with them.
Sorry when people are depressed. It's bloody hard. I have been there and hope people can get to better place.
Asian parents, raised in 100% white world. My parent was very strict and would never showed caring or love just pushing me to hustle and achieve more and more. Best thing that I could have done is leaving my whole family and just caring for myself. I think asian culture is very toxic at home and could be a cause of it.
Asians raised in 100% white environment could be another way of more toxic
buddy Asian and orientals arent synonymous..ever wonder why India is bigger now than China in people and why the word is caucASIAN?:) Do you think Arabs ARENT Africans too?
I joined the marine corps, lived in china for 7 years, white girls, Mexican and Puerto Rican girls, worked in construction.
According to Ruism (Confucianism), Confucius and Mencius says that happiness does not mainly come from earthly pleasures, but ethical pleasure. Ruism is mainly about morality from cultivating yourself and that humans are born good.
Yea i know that feeling my mom tell my brothers and sisters all the time she should've abortion us like the others pregnancy she had and always compared us to others kids saying we are not as good as them. Then she would also spread lieds to the other Asian community about how bad and disrespectful her only kids were, so we were always getting single out of everything.
Asian parents (not all of them, but my parents and the parents of people around me in my home country are often like this) thinks they are above their children, and when you think you are above someone, you are unlikely to think they have the rights to choose their paths, have their own opinions or share vulnerability.
Does anyone have a remotely similar background to me? My mom was of the merchant elite from Saigon - 75% Hakka, 25% Viet, but of course the family maintained Hakka customs. She was the youngest and so assimilated most - spoke only French and Viet. Following the Fall of Saigon, she escaped to Canada and married a Newfie in Toronto. When I’m born, though I get exposure to Viet and Canto, she teaches me French the way an Asian mom would have taught her native tongue (French has political currency in Canada) and I’m also placed in French immersion. Also, I never got caught in East Asian bubbles - my earlier years were in schools that were an even split between White and Caribbean and then by high school my burb of the GTA becomes South Asian and I end up going to the most heavily South Asian high school in the area. My mom never pressured me to go into tech or science - she loved that I went to McGill for Philosophy and English Lit (she highly esteemed the arts).
RE: generational trauma. My mom was well connected to her diaspora in the GTA and I have very interesting lenses into the Fall of Saigon. I feel like she was able to pass on her memories without it being something negative. Her family’s loss is a burning fire that I maintain in the hearth of my soul but it is not a burden - it is a legacy I was entrusted with.
In any case, because of my background I tended not to have as strong of an ethnocultural identity as I did something of a geographical identity. Furthermore, because I was able to be a mixed kid in a burb that ended up not being composed of either of my ethnic parts, I was uniquely under no pressure to play into either White or Asian stereotypes. I’m curious if anyone else has been in similar circumstances.
My daughter's friend from elementary and middle school committed suicide a few months ago while away at college. She was Chinese, high achieving and under alot of pressure to succeed. I'm just curious if parents are aware of the pressure and/or would they make changes if they knew what the result could be.
Hey! There are online groups, meetup groups, and other hobby groups... they should join those groups to improve their social network...
I think the main reason is because asians even in 2024 are still seen as the "other." We're still seen as outsiders in our own country. I know for me personally it makes me not want to go anywhere and be a recluse which is obviously not healthy, but I also didn't grow up around a lot of other asian people so maybe I'm just lacking that sense of community.
Weird that a Asian can make the claim that they are seen as the "other" when they make up 60% of the worlds population. Maybe it's that mentality and the way you think other's see you when it's actually the way you see yourself. Or maybe not give a fck how complete strangers see you because the only way that can affect you is if you allow it too. Just some food for thought my friend.
Is this why a lot of Asians love Molly and raves? To be happy?
Facts. We're sad bc we did too much opium and MDMA? & The sorts & now everything's fried. More emotionally stunted in older folks tho bc they had more direct connects 🌠. Even our drugs r chill. Can't say much about coke but I've def been feeling fatigued
Part of it is societal expectations in Asian societies rely on conformity to both the state and family to take care of you so that you don't have to express your feelings or opinions outwardly in ways that western countries do. The positives to this include a very stable social structure that both maintains harmony for communities while also setting goals for what those communities should strive for. The downside is severe individual restrictions prevent innovation for society to grow, severe mental health problems due to a lack of focus on individual goals since the focus is on trying to make the community or family feel happy (people pleasing), and work has more emphasis than having a balance between work and life for families or individuals.
I'm half Japanese/Canadian. I've lived most of my life in Vancouver. I can sincerely say that Japanese culture is much better. The people are humble, respectful simultaneously strong & proud.
My dad was born in an Interment Camp... he has a healthier ego than alot of white men! It's about what you choose to believe.
My children had to face this. My wife a tiger mom and me a STEM from the start and being a bit strict. Happiness is harder to come by now. Trying to do it to break from the mode now.
I'm an British East Asian who grew up liking third wave emo and 2000s metal. Does that ring a bell 🔔 with others? 🤔
Asian men depressed
What a comment
As an asian woman, I do find it easier to connect with people than asian guys. I think ppl have their guard down when they see me, but when It's an asian guy they have stereotypes of them being antisocial and shy. It doesnt help that those stereotypes probably affect them and actually does turn them antisocial in the end. I've seen it happen to many asian guys around me including my brother :C I wish people could just interact with us without any judgements. Thou recently I found out that some of my aquiantances who are black thought I would be mean as a first impression and that really surprised me cause people from other races I could tell thought of me as a girl who could do no harm. It was interesting to know about and made me rethink how others perceive me based on my race.
Its hard when youre small, not that tall, not tough,
and the girl you like goes out with your bully..
Asian men who are married to non Asian women are actually the least depressed.
lol oh come on
maybe less performance anxiety issue .
Probably bc theyre chads and successful at life. Why else would a non Asian woman date them?
@@destinationskyline07? Some Asian men got swag. I live in Philly and we have Thai, Cambodian, and Filipino men that have crazy swag, especially the ones that grow up around black people. Women love them.
@@TheBlackManMythLegendtrue my brother black chicks love us Hmong men
you guys should also talk about the "Bai-lan" culture in China, about the younger chinese generation not wanting to work. Almost like the social equivalent of a hikkikomori in japan just not as depressing lol
yeah its going to change a lot
If u'guys wanna help Asian then please do something about the climate mann. It's 40 celsius here and.. everyday i gotta study, do stuffs through this hell extreme heat
Combination of things, too uptight, high ego, high expectations, shyness, not open, comparing yourself from others, and even racial bias from other cultures.
I think also there's an influence from ideas like "dxxth before dishonor" say in Confucian (and especially Japanese) culture, or in Korean and Japanese culture where making D thrxxts and saying KYS as half-jokes (or actual insults) are a lot more common. This is kind of philosophical, but I think the Asian cultural mindset thinks about dxxth and impermanence more often and more casually than some other cultures (especially Abrahamic ones which have an entire elaborate belief-set clearly delineating what is and isn't okay to think, whereas the Zen mind sort of paints dxxth in a more poetic or artistic light as just something that happens but should ideally be beautiful and meaningful), where it is sort of more romanticized actually (similar to say the Vikings with Valhalla prior to Christianity, but they were somewhat less poetic about glorious dxxth than the Zen view I feel which is less about glory and more about beauty).
It's because there is a strong Standards-driven culture going around in east Asia. Speaking for myself as someone who was born and raised in mainland China, I remember our school used to punish those students who failed to achieve their academic grades by making them run laps around the grounds. This education system fked me up so bad to the point where it had me believe that I don't deserve happiness as someone worthless; it took me years to recover from this toxic mindset, but I know and will remember how the world treated me when I was weak. I assume this explains why the east asian immigrants are so obsessed about passing on their competitive mindset and stress to the next generation.
Its really hard to judge. Most of the worlds resources are controlled by Western nations. I notice countries that have relaxed attitudes have high amounts of resources which they are making use of . Countries like Japan dont even produce enough of it's own food. Thats why they are more stress. It has wide ranging impact on the attitude of people. Maybe asian people work too hard that they never had to venture to easier living places around the world.
The crux of Confucianism is "life is suffering." So yes, not very conducive to fostering optimistic attitudes. Two primary reasons why I think this is the trend: 1) Asian culture is a pressure cooker and 2) vocalizing our feelings is discouraged. Human beings aren't meant to operate like robots, which is what Asian parents expect of their kids. Talking about emotions is frowned upon in an Asian household. We're conditioned to repress our sadness and begrudgingly trot through life regardless of our grievances.
You two put out a shingle:
"Fung Brothers, Therapists to the Asian Community"
“You docta yet!?”
“No dad, I’m twelve!”
“Talk to me when you docta!” 🚪 **slam**
A common problem I see not only in my Asian family, but in other Asian families, is that talking about issues no matter how serious is VERY discouraged. It feels as if we’re not allowed to bring any negativity to light and we’re supposed to always portray to the outside world that everything is fine all the time. Not feeling like you can talk to your own family about things that bother you and feeling like you don’t have emotional support is depressing and isolating. That’s a toxic trait in our culture that I hope will be improved sooner rather than later for the sake of the mental health of future generations.
Sending love and light fam
I'm one of those statistics. I'm a Filipino American with Japanese, Korean, Filipino, South Asian, and European ancestry, and I consider myself obviously Asian American. I have suffered from Bipolar Disorder since I was a teenager. I first attempted suicide when I was 16 years old, and even though I take Latuda to help alleviate my Bipolar Disorder symptoms, I still get sad, irritable, here and there, and sometimes I feel like my life is worthless. Though I have to say, since I've been on medication for my Bipolar Disorder, I haven't attempted suicide since I was 16 y/o. Personally, for me, I think my Bipolar Disorder is either genetic, or maybe due to my premature birth, for they also have proven that babies born premature like me, have a very high risk from suffering mental illness in the adult years, but then again, that's what I think those are one of the reasons why it could be the reason why I suffer from mental illness, but I don't know for sure. But yes as an Asian American, I have trouble trying to be happy, and I also tend to spend time a lot on the computer, but listening to music on youtube is a form of therapy for me.
One thing I will say is that from experience, asian father’s are present in their child’s life, but are far too less involved emotionally. You cannot raise someone to be a healthy adult and to manage themselves emotionally if you don’t know it yourself. A lot of children are left to their to own to understand what it is to be an adult and many never form healthy ways of addressing stress.
Asian parents or family members do not know how to deal with mental stress. They just think , “tough it out”.
Story: When I was struggling mentally raising my young son because he sick a lot when started school and he also make me sick also. Caring for a sick child while crazy sick yourself and dealing with full time job make me gone to stage of depression during that time and even thought death was better. When I verbally say it out loud in desperation to seek family support, my brother-in-law and my dad response, “I raise so many babies and didn’t have any trouble. She only have 1 and make it a big deal”. The girl in my family (mom & sister) just say that is part of being a mom and you need to tough it out. During this time, I learned I have to be strong for myself and my son. Can’t depend other to help you, including family.
I think being a hoarder can lead to suicide
traditional asian parents are not emotional and they don't even discuss mental health in the household
Too real for me
Is eating food on public transport a problem over there ?
The happier you are, the harder the fall. That's why Asians strive for stability and contentment. Don't confuse contentment for sadness.
Bro they literally have the highest suicide rates, collapsing birth rates and highest rates of interracial marriages. They wont exist in a century or two lol.