The ‘BLACK WIFE EFFECT' & Interracial Relationships & With Kolter Bouchard
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- čas přidán 14. 08. 2024
- In this episode, host Mike Sea talks with influencer and digital creator, Kolter Bouchard. Kolter talks about being in an interracial relationship, how the culture perceives him and his wife, and his experience with the 'Black Wife Effect". Kolter also discusses the discrimination his wife has experienced, and how he has supported her through it.
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★ TABLE OF CONTENTS ★
0:00 Start
2:40 Kolter's Start In Radio
5:19 The Next Chapter
9:50 Acceptance In An Interracial Relationship
10:50 Different Upbringings
14:14 Couples Therapy And The Stigma
25:08 Understanding Racism
33:01 Biracial Children
45:00 Becoming Part Of The Solution
47:35 The Black Wife Effect
57:40 The Pushback
Show notes:
/ @playinghousepodcast
/ koltertalks
/ koltertalks
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I’m a black woman who’s been married to a white man for 8 years now. When we got married, I moved myself and my 2 daughters to where my husband grew up (white rural america). I felt like a fish out of water from day 1. Have definitely had to deal with uncountable micro aggressions and some outright racism over the years and while I love my husband dearly, I WISH he would just validate my experience and not get defensive when I talk about what my daughters and I go through daily. It’s refreshing to hear you both acknowledge that white privilege is not your fault or of your making but is a real thing that shields you from the overt and covert discrimination that your wives go through. Good on you for being self aware and for supporting your wives (and probably your kids too) through it all… or at least for making an effort.
Thank you for your comment and for your encouraging words. I am so sorry that you have to deal with these difficult issues on a daily basis. Thank you also for sharing your experience and my sincere hope is that things can get better for you and your family.
You should put him onto this commentary. Maybe he will internalize something along the way
They will never understand bc of obvious reasons . Your husband doesn’t validate your feelings bc he has never experienced racism . I can’t relate to a wm and why should I ?
lindah148, Why didn't you move to a multi racial area?
And ur still married to this guy.???.really..Gotta luv yourself 1st..
l have been enjoying this black wife effect and stumbled on this video. l notice something about both gentlemen; you are glowing and moisturised, and black people are big on moisturising / hydrating your skin.
A very important discussion we will continue to have. What I've noticed with me growing up in the 70's is when we were young, we had no problem dating other races. The only disapproval we had was from the older generation. Problem is as we become older for some reason some of us began to change our point of view when it comes to inter-racial relationships. What I've noticed is that every young generations don't seem to have a problem with it except the older. This tells me that it's learned, and if it's leaned, there has to be someone teaching it. We need to STOP listening to the views of society.
Thanks for watching and commenting! We really appreciate it. I think interracial dating will always have some level of pushback from certain groups.
Interracial dating and marriage was not common in the 70's. In fact, at least in the evangelical churches, where I grew up, it was definitely taboo. However, I agree that racism is learned.
@@pamelaclark909 You must be from the U.S. Here in Toronto
Canada it was some what normal.
@@EBikeMall Yes, you are correct I am from the Us. At that time it seemed people stopped short of burning the town down... okay, not exactly but it was definitely frowned upon especially in the Church where I spent most of my social life.
I would just like to say that I think you gentlemen are awesome. I am a 64-year-old biracial woman was raised and born in Port Arthur Canada now known as thunder Bay. My father was a black man in the Navy, who met my mother in Canada when he was stationed there. He moved us to an all white suburb called Schaumburg Illinois back in the mid 1960s. I’m surprised my parents survived, but my mother ended up leaving and divorcing my father due to crosses being burnt on our lawn. We had the best house the best green lawn. The bushes were immaculate. My father took great care of our house and we were the best dress kids, but it wasn’t good enough for the whites, I can tell you stories over and over again about the racism that I had to grow up with in an all white suburb. I am so proud of you young man having a platform like this it is awesome.❤🥰🔥
Wow, thank you for sharing your experience. I cannot imagine how horrific it must have been to have witnessed crosses burnt on your lawn. So sad for people like yourself to have to live through something like that. Thank you for your comment and for stopping by our channel. We really appreciate it!
Why didn’t your dad seek a Blk Wife instead? Did he think that being with a white wmn, creating white chldren and moving to suburbia and being good neighbor would make whites forget that he was Blk?
Just wondering why your dad would have moved his family to an all white suburb? Doesn’t sound like a very wise decision.
Your father was silly to take his family to an all white neighborhood back then when he knew y'all wouldn't be accepted
@@SimplyPositive11Why no matter your race you should be able to live anywhere!
I like Coulter I wish he and his wife a long, long, long happy marriage
He's a great guy! We love him! Thanks for your comment and for watching!
The Black Wife Effect is REAL!❤
Sure is! Thanks for your comment! :)
@@themikeseapodcast
You are most welcome❤
I stumbled on your channel because this topic and have since subscribed. Looking forward to listening to you and other interesting topics
👍
I love them. Hilarious guy. Love his love for his wife despite the toxicity online.
Thanks so much for your comment! We really appreciate you watching!
I was a Black wife and I think it made my husband step up his game, in a good way.
It's cool to hear a legitimate conversation about race and priviledge from/between white men!
As the guest pointed out, if people WANT to educate themselves, then can. I'm not a paid diversity trainer so I don't spend my free time trying to inform people. Glad the work is still being done!
Thanks for your comment and for watching!
As a 71 year old black woman who dated men of many races and retiring from a job where I was the only black woman technician, I appreciate this video very much. Though I never felt diminished, I had to always prove my worthiness to even have the job. I was always expected to dial it back because I was told many times that just my presence was intimidating. I was taller than I am now but I have always been strong because that was a requirement of my job. While white men found me intimidating, I was still a vulnerable woman, but no one ever considered me to be so because I was black and they would make that known to me. I’m so glad to see more white men dating black women because it makes me think that we are finally being recognized as women.
Thank you for your comment, and for sharing your experience! We sincerely hope that our conversation encouraged you! We appreciate you :)
Fully black women and girlies are feminine ladies regardless of if another race of males date her.
White people don’t decide gender or race as they’re not Gods on Earth.
Great discussion! I think everyone should be with the person who loves, respects, provides, protects, and did I say LOVES you, no matter their skin color! I've dated outside of my race and married a Jordanian! My cousins are married to men and women who aren't Black. It's wonderful!! Ultimately, love is what matters! ❤
Thanks for your comment! We really appreciate it, and thanks for stopping by our channel. I couldn't agree with you more. LOVE is where it begins and ends. This is definitely a topic we'll be diving into more in the future :)
Some black people will say, “you’re dating a white man?!?! …Don’t come to us crying when he calls you the N*word in an argument.” It’s very disheartening…Great interview guys.
Ive never dated a white man who did that. They just don't want ppl to be happy.
Thanks for watching! We appreciate it!
I've heard the same thing and my response would be, "well, you married one so what does that say about you"?
I have never heard my people say that.
@@flowersforme375right, black people don’t care who you date. The medias narrative is the opposite. And I know old folks who are scared for you, if you’re dating a white person. But even then, they usually tell you to trust God, and He’ll see you through.
Coming from a Black, British Lesbian, I very much enjoyed the episode.
In the UK, we don’t have as much of a hang-up about mixed-race relationships, it’s been more prevalent for many years here, than in the USA, but it’s interesting to hear different perspectives, especially from a white male.
Thank you for your comment and for watching!
America is just more honest about it, like a lot of things having to do with racial tension.
People should be able to date and marry whoever they want no matter what color they are and society should not have nothing to say about it.
We agree! It should always be 100% up to the individual's preference for who they wish to comingle with. Thanks for your comment!
This was a great conversation interspersed with some comedic wit that I truly enjoyed listening to. Keep it coming! 😊
Thank you for your comment! We appreciate it and hope you will check out more upcoming content!
Thank you for having this conversation. I am half of an interracial couple of 30 years. I feel a sense of community is finally developing and growing--all to the good.
#bwwm
Absolutely! It is our pleasure! Thanks for your comment and for watching!
I enjoyed watching this as a Black lady. ❤ in the UK.
I feel like both speakers in this video understand how Black (not all & I'm not speaking for every Black person) are treated, disrespected & disallowed to many things.
Thank you so much for your comment and your encouraging words! :)
I totally enjoyed the conversation.
Thank you so much!
Love who you love ❤️ as long as there is love, respect and support.
Thank you for watching and for your comment!
Super love him... hes good man and seemingly great husband (for) a blk wmn.
So many men step on our goals and dreams... its brutal and soul crushing.
**wow , he just said this in the promo clip**
Yeah, I just few years ago, left a man who BASHED me for accomplishing my CHILDHOOD DREAM!
Ruined me, been in severe depression ever since...
3yrs of hard work, daily grind for almost 1000 days straight, for him to bash me (with one sentence) .
So sorry you had to experience that. Hope you can heal from that experience. Thanks so much for your comment!
I was in married in 1984 for 25 years. We divorce in 2009, but always maintained a strong family and collaborative relationship. My husband is white Canadien from the Maritime Province. I am from the USA midwest. You are on target therapy can help unravel some of the difference in cultural and religious backgrounds. Your therapist needs to have a broad enough background and understanding of difference in culture, religion, economics, and even social adjustments. We were adopted our daughter form China. We made a clear decision during the adoption process to give here the best exposure and encourage to have high self esteem. We had high paid corporate careers that afforded the privilege of living in an exclusive exceptionally wealthy area. I can understand your challenges, and I like that you are openly discussing this hard topic.
Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience and for your kind words! :)
Thanks for shaing your perspectives on this!
Our pleasure! We appreciate you watching, and thanks for your comment!
Subscribed. Loved your conversation/commentary 🖤🖤🖤
Thanks so much! We appreciate you!
Really appreciate the dialog here
Thanks for stopping by our channel!
Thanks for guys for this ...very encouraging! 30yrs together
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!
Thank you for stating "turning down the volume". I just came up on this channel. It's funny sorrento my weekend in tears because of all these labels places in me as a black woman. I'm just tired!!
Thanks for watching and for your comment! We appreciate you!
This is dope and hella helpful, thanks man!
Our pleasure! Thanks for watching!
Woooow this is wild - stumbled across this video by accident and 11:03min into it I'm screaming my head off laughing. Your wife is Grenadian!! No wonder you got charmed. Literally put something on to entertain me and relax my brain after weathering Beryl on Grenada earlier this week, which luckily didn't completely wreck havoc on the main island but sadly destroyed our sister isle to the north Carriacou. I've got a whole bunch of family in Toronto and Scarborough too - you're fam! Grenadians will claim another Grenadian no matter where. Thanks guys I needed a laugh to pick me up today! Love from the islands ❤💛💚 PS Great discussion overall! Very refreshing.
Thanks for the love! We appreciate you! Big shout out to Grenada!!! Hope weathering Beryl wasn't too difficult and that the worst of it is now behind you. Thanks for watching and for your encouraging comment :)
Great interview!
Thank you! We appreciate you watching!
You guys give us all hope
Thanks for your comment! We appreciate you watching :)
Great information.
Thanks for stopping by your our channel!
WOW I COME From A Loving 2 Parent Home. I'am a Light - Skin Black Female. SINCE, HIGHSCHOOL, My First Love for All 4 Years of School,He was a Handsome Bi- Racial Gentleman. And as time went on Hispanic Men I also Dated. THE MAIN POINT; My DAD Was Kind, Humble, Smart, and Good -looking. HE WORKED 39 years in Production, Bought 10 Rental Properties. What He Taught Me about DATING; I'm Not CONCERNED, about Race he is Just as Long as He Treated you Right. This Gentleman,who Speaking on the Interview, His Personality,is Similar to My Dad. I EMBRACE All. Different Races to Find Your True Love. I got Some Many Likes, for Complimenting how Happy and The Sincere love that I saw with these Couples. I agree with It's All about GOD'S Approval, Not Imperfect Humans. I Hope All those Couples, have a blessed,life Together Take Care SYBELLA
Hi Sybella, thank you for your comment! We could not agree more! People should be free to date whomever they want, no matter their culture or background. The right person for you is the person who best connects with you and treats you right. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and for watching our video with Kolter!
The random, uncontrolled capitalization is bizarre. It's like reading the rantings of a crazy person.
@daydreamerz
I wouldn't say crazy person, to me I thought it was done for emphasis
Who cares about your skin color??? Weird rant
I wish you would stop the erroneous thought that we're all different races. We are ONE race, different ethnicities, different varieties of HUMAN! Variety is what makes this Earth a great place to exist.
Well, america was founded off of separation And colonization, and it was less than fifty years ago that all of this mess has left the nation and there's still laws that discriminate against individuals.So it's hard to say.Stop pushing the idea that we are different races.When racism is still very prevalent in today's society.And we have to teach our children about it so that they are informed and mindful that they could be discriminated against based off of skin color
@sylmarie6494, You are going in the right direction however I think you meant to say that we are the same species in different colors, ethnicities, tribes, nationalies but NOT race which is a man made social construct. Human species that is.
Please don't delete these "bad" comments. Address them head on. While you may not change that mind you might change others who read your reply. In addition, we all need to see you defend yourself against ignorance.
Agreed! I like debating the haters.
34:36 That's eye-opening to me! I would've never thought that would happen. I would think the wait-staff would just say, "Can I get you anything else? Or just the check?" and THEN wait for the people to say whether they want one check or two. As a whyte person, I am trying to see the micro-agressions against the people of color around me. (And call them out when I can.)
These are two really cool people. No reference to gender or ethnicity. They are just really good people. They are proof that being "woke" is a choice of high quality people. Very good, guys. This is fabulous. Thanks for sharing this talk. 💗
Thank you for your comment and for watching!
48:20 What a beautiful couple you two are!
Clap on the 2’s & 4’s 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Love this was so cute.
Yay Grenada, represent! lol I live in Toronto and my mom is from Grenada. I'm curious what Dominque's maiden name is. My Grenadian side lives in St. David's but they're from St. Patrick's. The island is so small so they might know each other. Great discussion, overall! :)
Thanks so much for your kind words and for watching! :)
Thank you for normalizing therapy!!
Our pleasure! Thanks for stopping by our channel!
I understand your analogy about “the boss and the subordinate” but yikes! I say that the choice to use that illustrates the very problem. In a way, you are giving credence to what we all already know: there IS racial disparity and hierarchy. So I get it, but I was cringing when you said it. As a woman of color, I thank you and also agree that it is EXHAUSTING to have to be the “fix it” for every dang relationship we are in. It is relationally LAZY to do that but that is part of the privilege that is always operating.
Thank you for your comment and for watching!
I'm a black women wishes both of you long marriages. They say anything when a black man is married to a white woman. No matter if we have good incomes educated Cook clean fantastic lovers. Take care of their children it's never enough. Not every black women is loud and crazy acting it's our black men that don't have respect. I believe in interracial relationships longs as we respect each other.
Thank you for watching and your well wishes to us :)
I 🙋🏽♀️would never live in an all ⬜️neighborhood or seen my children to a predominantly ⬜️school, it’s a form of abuse to me. The scars will follow them the rest of their lives.
I'm black, not mixed an went to predominantly white schools most of my life. I don't have any scars or hang ups about my identity. I'm black but thats not all I am. I have a caring, nurturing mother that made me secure in who I am. I don't like the assumption that being around white people is going to 'damage' a kid. What if someone said the same about us? 'Being around black people is going to cause scars'. Do you think thats a fair assessment? If being around someone of a different race is enough to cause you damage or emotional trauma, some counseling is probably needed. You should have a strong sense of yourself no matter who you're around. If you must be around people who look and act like yourself, you must question why.
@@shanchan8247I grew up the same. Your comment is wise, accurate, and extremely well said.
Aww come on how in TBE world is that abuse?All people are not ignorant.
I appreciate this interview. I am a Black woman who was married to a White man. We got married in 2000 and we have two adult sons together.
Our marriage did not last, but we transitioned into becoming really good friends, who share children together. But when we were married, there were a fair amount of race related issues that we faced and it was still not normalized to talk about openly... particularly with regards to Black women/White man relationships.
Our interracial dynamic is vastly different from Black man/White woman relationships. Most people were just so happy to see us together, they just assumed that us being together solved all the racial issues in our country and we just became a token of progression. But no one knew the unique struggles we had and we didn't know how to articulate them and admit them to ourselves, let alone each other or others (like our elders) to get support.
We eventually learned how to speak up and share what our struggles were, but that was after our marriage ended. We became good friends together though, and we talk openly with our sons about our relationship, so they can feel free to share their personal experiences as bi-racial men. We ended up creating quite an eclectic and loving non-conventional family together. But I am so happy there are more Black female/White Male couples talking openly about their relationship now so they can offer support to others
🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Thank you for your comment and for sharing your personal story! We appreciate you!
Like it🎉
Seriously, people can wish all they want for us to be and act what they think. It’s irrelevant . That’s their own business
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
These White men are NOT RARE but honestly a SINGLE ONE is hard to find when you have higher standards for a mate. I want someone that is an equal, similar interest and I hope you notice most of these couples meet in school and I wascway to busy struggling to pay and attending college so my openess to a long term relationship came later. It is not as easy to connect later in life because fewer are single. It truly seems that that Men with this open minded attitude, intelligence and humor only really exist in the younger than 45 group. IMy life experiences are broader than a small circle, education focused, influenced by various cultures and more European vs rigid American.
We appreciate your comment! Thanks for watching!
I think people complicate things too much; simply, you have good people and bad people. Just pick one.❤ And then be subjectively honest about who you are.❤❤❤
We agree 100%! It makes so much sense but people often struggle to get it right :)
40:08 I'm still learning how to meet people where they are. I want them to change now. I want them to be anti-racist now. I want them to unlearn their bigotry now. I get impatient.
Thank you for your comments and for watching!
Look at Prince Harry!!
💜
I love this podcast...or better yet...I love you guys. But...I grew up in the islands with a loving dad and never knew people were different or even black and white. Moving to the states.... especially the South....first time I heard the word racism.... My paler tone friend tried to explain it to me and I laughed because I thought she was joking. Well...I ended up with fibromyalgia later on....Wow......😮 .some.human behavior is really Ignorant compared to what I was taught. But when I learned about Emit Till and history I know to be safe ...it is best to be a Ninja Warrior....😊....dating anyone can be scary ...
Thanks so much for your comment and for watching! We appreciate
you sharing! :)
We all are beautiful childrens of Almighty Father God don't please misundasting me I love all as God's love Us be blessed 🙏🙏
Thanks for watching and for your comment!
As you see the number of views, you know bm watches this video as well. Not even % said anything in the comments. Go look at how the red pill and the anti Black Women comment sections. FULL. I'm starting to think 85%of bm have smooth brains. And I use the word "man" after the word "black" verrry lightly. No shade just look.😊
How come you did not bring wives or show pictures of wives
To protect them. A good man is protective of his family.
Why do they need to show pictures of their wives or bring them on?
You must not have watched the entire interview. Kolter brought several pictures before and after marriage
😶🌫️
This was a great interview…and there’s nothing wrong with the Black Wife Effect..black woman have that special essence that whatever they touch bring to their relationships makes it that more special…interracial relationships are increasing more and more and the world is going to be better for it.. it’s a very new day 🤍🖤🤎🤍💯💯💯🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾😊
Thanks for your comment!
Yes you are spot on, with your comment, and I’m pleased to state that more and more wm are in IR’s globally. I would like to think bm support bw in these relationships especially when they see their happiness and contentment
Really appreciate the insight you two brought to this podcast! IMO, : bwwm relationships are on the rise. They statistically have the lowest incidences of divorces and can certainly become powerful figures in the world by virtue of their intelligence, educational attainment and income earning potential! This may be a trend too threatening for many individuals! Please stay strong, keep loving your wives and protect them🫶🏾😍😘
I will always keep loving my black wife because she is the center of my universe and my rock. Thanks for your comment and your insights!
@@themikeseapodcast Awww! That's so sweet! She is a blessed woman to have you!🙏🏾💞
This is what I've been saying. The world is scared.
Personally, I think these relationships are long-lasting because they are not a "trend."
@@Lori-db8vl I agree with you 100%! My wife and I have been together close to 30 years and still in love so it's no "trend" for us. Thanks for your comment.