“I was with a covert narcissist ,evil is alive and thriving don’t think it’s something to smile at or laugh. Take them very seriously, red flag 🚩 saying that something about you is great, there full of shit Lying is there first language “don’t ever tell them about your deepest secrets “ horrible person to know , Tip watch for someone that you can’t understand, double check on what there saying. A lot of times there trying to see if your paying attention to there dumbness. Peace peeps
Your comment really helps me, thank you. I am inspired to acknwledge all the things I now know as a result of covert narc 'friendships'. I am walking away from quite a few people and moving away. I am having therapy for trauma. I won't make these mistakes again, I know see the red flags and know I have the right to boundaries.
I had a relationship with a female covert narcissist. Worst experience of my life. She chewed me up and spat me out in little pieces. I was left drained and almost broken. It was scary as hell.
Same here brother. Being married for years, find myself on the street with our 2 years old daughter while she was having her new supply. Looking back the best thing that happened to me! My daughter is with me almost full time and after the healing process, I find the best version of myself. Now we have a fulfilled and happy life! And that's all that matters at the end of the day.
I am in the middle of divorcing my covert narc. It has been the most disgusting and terrifying experience of my life. I was cheated on, manipulated, gaslighted, discarded and replaced. It happened overnight. We have two young children. I am in therapy, divorce care group and I constantly educate myself with videos like this. Thank you all who share their experiences and thank you to the author of this video. It was not our fault. Narcs are miserable, evil people. Long bumpy road to recovery but it does happen.
Can’t imagine. Broke up with a woman who I imagine was a covert narc (checked a lot of boxes). I thought that was hard. Can’t imagine it being my wife and mother of my children. Good luck, buddy. Think this. You got kicked out of Hell.
@@ladyvirgo9514 I’m almost out of the water. After two failed mediations , I have a request for a hearing. As of now I have 50/50 custody of my kids. Every day is a little better. Just takes a lot of consistency, time and effort.
Stay strong... give yourself some grace. It's not gonna be easy but it will get over. It just takes time... use you anxiety as fuel!!! Do something for yourself! Once a week twice a week... and just keep your composure stay kind they want to fight, they want to argue, they want to blame... just walk the line and be you! Take it one day at a time! I know it feels like a hole is cut out of your soul... time will heal that. I promise you! Just know your lucky! It was always gonna end this way. Consider yourself lucky that you out now! And not later
"They do not and can not bond"...This is soooo true but the hurtful part too coz no matter how much love, affection and kindness you give, you get ZERO "real love" in return
I know the feeling...took me 40 years to figure out I was being sucked dry by my covert narcissist /Jezebel wife...killed my soul, my physical health, my financial health my spiritual health....what a disaster
As a very empathetic person my ex Covert narc reeled me in easy. Everything was amazing at the very start I felt like a king but that changed quickly. something always felt off... when I calmly brought up that I our emotional and physical intimacy felt off, she got really passive aggressive and ultimately dropped me. I felt broken after and even apologized for being needy and controlling which I regretted bc I realized that just fed her ego even more. In reality all I was wanting was a healthy equal relationship with reciprocation but for some reason I felt guilty for wanting that. Once I found Covert Narc info it ALL made sense. As a naturally empathetic person I am EXTREMELY cautious of people with "victim" mindsets now, as that's how I got reeled in, trying to fix someone... Great Video! 👍
Don’t feel bad I did the same. Chased her off and on for months. Now I see that was the plan. But I don’t regret it. She helped me stop seeking peace (love) outside myself. I think thats the lesson we suppose to learn by attracting them. They seek love and peace outside themselves to but their narcissism keeps them from learning while our empathy helps us improve until we get the healthy adult relationships we desire
@@siccilymilliano9426 Yes, I am a similar case. The hot and cold behaviour, the cognitive dissonance, was so confusing, but it is just instinctive on their part. The coverts hide their lack of self-esteem, their envy, fear, hatred and anxiety behind a wall of aloofness and arrogance. This is why they will seem distant when not love bombing. In learning just how fake and empty she is, she has made me a stronger, more mature and more empathic person also armed with narc detection capabilities! 🙂
Same here. My brother from another mother. They also will tell you anything. Whether you catch feeling's about it. Or not. They physical abusive as well. You heard
One would think that a church would be filled with empathetic people, but it can also be a place where narcissists look for naive prey. And, that's my story - met a gal in Christian social circles. She played the victim well. I married her and moved in with her and her sons. The wedding was at a church, with pastor, family, friends. One day after the wedding, she started a campaign of passive-aggressive behavior, followed by synthesized arguments. It was like living in a Twilight Zone episode. After 3 months of bizarre behavior, word salad, avoiding employment, entitlement and much more, I divorced her. She attempted to hoover me, but the cat was out of the bag. Eventually, her sister revealed to me my wife's adulterous behavior that the sister kept under wraps. Am "no-contact" now - phone, email, social media. If you are involved with a narc, you *must* go no-contact or they will suck you back into their web of deceit and manipulation. The loneliest day as a single is better than being involved with a covert narcissist.
Well said man. Glad you got out early. Similar situation here moved in with her and her two problem children. I got out after the third year. Luckily I never married her. I stayed for too long, but in the end dumping and ghosting her was one of the best things I have ever done in my life.
Covert narcs are the "Street Angel - House Devil' type to a T! That public persona is EVERYTHING to a covert - especially if they have a social media presence and followers (like on Twitch, etc.).
Its so true with the money. The most cheap people i ever met and its like the money is their biggest supply above people and everything else, even their family
“Live up in their heads. Always the victim. Very nice. Not enough emotional connection.” You described my ex covert narc. Seemed shy, sweet, obtuse? All of that. What was the worst I couldn’t trust her. She’d disappear and later id found out she’d be with an ex boyfriend. I pulled out 5 years ago. But I have ptsd and what’s worse is i no longer trust.
Very recognizable. As if you describe my covert narcissist ex partner. She is exactly what you tell in this video. One huge fake show and facade I can say form experience. I learned the hard way but I am happy that I ended my relationship with her. She is an immature, insecure, frustrated, angry, damaged and sick person. A little child in a mature body. A coward who always runs away when it is time to deliver, to take responsibilities for her actions. Miss Perfect in front of the stage and behind closed doors in private a demon. She used all the tricks and trades to get me into a relationship. Love bombing, gaslighting, shame blame game, silent treatment, hoovering etc. One of the hardest parts I still find after almost two years now that I ended the relationship is that her two young children are also victim of the toxic behavior of their mother. No unconditional love, trust, respect. One is the golden child and the other one is the scapegoat. The father of my ex is an overt narcissist, so I now know what background she has in family environment. So sad.
This is spot on. This was my ex girlfriend to a tee. She was covert. I experienced gaslighting, projecting, blaming, dismissiveness, lying, ignoring, and im sure cheating. Worst relationship I ever had. She also had a monotone voice.
My wife of 28 years love bombed me. It was good at first but after 1 1/2 years she started devaluing me. After 2 years I was cut off from emotional and physical intimacy. She got a job and put my 2 kids into daycare which I hated them being their as babies. She began to be very demanding. Her honey doo lists were always there and very exhausting. Little did I know they would last 25 years until I broke down. My kids had my love all along so that she did not have such an impact on them. I took her abuse during the whole time until they grew up. I was her focus, and so my children were spared alot which I am joyful I was able to do for them. Thank God. They can't imagine today how much the love of a father for his children. She almost destroyed me, but Jesus had other plans for me. I am trusting Him more and more. She no longer gets to me like she used to.
This is exactly what happened to me!! She was an opera singer…she a was a devil disguised as an fragile angel! She discarded me emotionally broken and shamed me out of my social and business cycle. I’ve never felt so much pain. Helped her with everything just to get abandoned for an F boy after she hid her tinder and 2. Instagram from me while I was shamed for everything what went wrong in the relationship. She always was the victim never the reason. Never met someone more hideous….never.
I had a relationship with this covert narcissist. She was parasite. Even worse than that. At the beggining was fantastic then when her mask completely gone, she became heartless monster who treated me like i was a trash. Hope many people could learn more to avoidnthis personality disorder.
You just described my ex -wife of 30 years . I'm blessed being able to escape this evil entity . Yes , they will try to get rid of you for good these people are dangerous. My ex -wife tried to DROWN me , she set it up as a weekend getaway on the beach , she took a lot of pictures of me and her asked me to smile big and posted them on social media. Soon after the failed attempt on trying to DROWN me all of her niceness STOPPED! The weekend trip was over as well as our marriage. In reality our marriage was over many years ago. Excellent video thank you for sharing . God bless you and your family.
So how did she try to kill ...drown u?...that is their goal to destroy u..I'm a covert narcissist expert. 40 f in years experience with my covert narcissist Jezebel wife....soul killer is my name for her ...one year awake from the spell...God help me.
The minute I stopped giving her money she vanished in thin air and started flirting with her male orbiters on social media like she was single and completely ignored my messages blocked and no contact and it still hurts
Mine prided herself on her looks and appearing young. She lead two lives and kept one almost completely hidden from me,VERY sneaky! No remorse. She hid behind silence. The more I discovered no intimacy, no empathy I called her out. Calmly, quietly at first but anxiety inside me built up. The more restive (silent) she was the more my demands for the “talk” would be. Of course, my initial playful self died and less going out, less fun as I tried to solve the problem. She got less and less positive fuel and we argued a lot about communication of course and lack of empathy...round and round we’d go for hours.😒 Finally, 4 years later, we had a huge argument about “empathy and connection” and I called her out! I laid out her silence, no talking, periodic ghosting and silent treatment, lack of empathy, never sincere apology out! She gave me the final ghosting discard and ran to her monkeys to live in a nearby town abandoning townhouse a mile from where I live. You see, I’d given her the benefit of the doubt re: ghosting and silent treatment they are such juvenile moves. I projected my fantasy beliefs that her behaviors were because she was shy, unskilled at communication, poor anger management/impulse control, and abused as child these caused her inability to connect and could be fixed. I know, I’m an idiot and very naive when it comes to relationships. I went after her several times. Guess what, she’d come back (intermittent reinforcement=trauma bond). I figured she’d cooled enough to listen to reason so...naw, just looking for the positive fuel until I sensed the emotional joke and got bummed out again...rinse and repeat. So, picking up the pieces and trying to heal. GLTYA🙏
I go to my Facebook page 12 years go to me in August like I was nothing made me cold and bitter which t 12 years off m6 life I did not an do anything to deserve i
This is so spot on! The split happened within 3 months of us getting close. I called her out on it and she totally vanished. Its been been 3 months since no contact. I thought she moved out tge building. She knew I was moving out the building in July so she miraculously showed up one night walking her dog. Now she is texting, saying she missed me and is trying to find out my new address like nothing toxic ever happened between us. These people are very dangerous 😳
One of the most accurate descriptions of my ex. I didn't know what I was dealing with until I did research on CZcams. I discarded her before she had the chance, I saw the red flags and I had to leave her. So far the most painful experience I have to deal with.
One of the big red flags I found was this person was incapable of connecting at an emotional level. This person always went around wid one of her friends when she wanted to connect wid a person on the emotional level. Here her friend did all the talking which was so strange.
mannnn , i was looking for this information, because my covert ex gf was so connected emotionaly , because i was challnge for her and i did not gave fuck about her , after 4 years i felt sorry for her and starts to give her time and attention and one day she saw me that i m falling for her and after that moment in two days i felt nothing emotional connection was not there and absoult 0 lol , and she starts cheating on me and replace me and i knew it that moment and as i asked her she starts gaslithing me and i was losing my confidence and got brain fog , but i knw it what happening but i did not told her again and starts to heal while i was in relationship, one day she send me msg that she dont want to be with me i said okay and she blocked me on everything and i blocked her on everything too, but i posted in one facebook group that my ex cheated on me and played with me has why i played with her too and i have new gf and she is better than her , i go email from my nac ex because she was satlking me with fake id , and i did not replied , after two weeks she sent me another email that she did not played withme and not cheated on me and she will wait for at our place to meet and then we will breakup like matures. although she discarded me before 2 weeks and blocked me on everything lol, i did not replied and did not went there , she waited for me because she wanted to gaslighting me again to save her face. but emotional connection is really strange with them and first 4 years i abused her emotionaly and she like codepended but as i validated her and show her my weakness , emotional connection was not there again
I was married to the same AA sweetheart for 34 years when my son died of a heroin overdose we separated for awhile and I meet this person online and we talked for 8 months before I flew out and met her me and my wife are back together she had a similar exp as I did I guess we needed to learn a lesson. Just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. The narcs are livid lmao!
I lived and i am still living this nightmare currently. My husband of 12 years brutally discarded me in May, hes been shacked up with the secretary from his work since then. He ghosted me for 3 months until the other day when you showed up with a uhaul to clean me out! I resisted him taking everything until the divorce is settled. Hes also held up the divorce process that he filed! They are malicious, vile monsters. God help me because he has exhausted me
I didn’t respect my intuition , and now I’m paying for it , 7 years with this woman , she did it all with me , this is not right , how you can think, that the person you love and care , it’s the person who will DESTROY YOU , you love , pasión, care , time and inocencia . Thanks for your help and time , Paz for all people who are suffering.
The “flat aspect” is an interesting one. I could never read any expression on her face. With hindsight I always felt the emptiness in my gut, but I could never make out anything on her face. 😶 I thought it was just me. To everyone else she is nice and kind. 😦🤢
OMG, when I say you have described EVERYTHING about my ex wife, I mean EVERYTHING. She doesn't connect at a deep level, plays the victim, very smart, can't handle criticism in any form, very shallow and vain, has a continuous resting bitch face (unless friends come around), personalize success even if she had nothing to do with it but socializes all failure, she believes I did nothing and she did everything, etc... The list is just so long!! As a matter of fact, I learned about Narcissism because she accused me of being one! After researching it for 2 weeks I saw this is her and she is projecting! I had NO idea what the topic was. WOW! The icing on the damn cake is towards the end, "They envy and hate you for succeeding"!!
That was pretty darn good!! Brought up a lot of memories! Lol! They are so selfish, and can literally only think about themselves. They act very shy unless its one one with there significant others then talk crap about their bosses ect.. The mother of my ex one time even said something at one those locked in roooms for an hour. And you have to try and get out. Like I have no education and of course the entire family thought college was everything. But her mother said in their " Jared did better than a detective and a police chief that went to school for it" with an attitude like she was literally salty about me getting more clues and I wasn't even trying and half drunk too. I am not boasting, I was making the point that they cannot handle other people being better or naturally gifted. Its insane!
Four decades of experience with covert narc mother....I have seen and lived through all of this especially after her recent stroke. I also believe some of them can disassociate when experiencing narcissistic injury. Best and most accurate video on this specific topic ever! I am healing now that I know all this. It has been so painful to accept she won't change.
Sooo spot on! Oh, she sucked me drive of everything. Onse I started exposing her, she did the reverse discard. She doesn't know that I know she cheated, so I hope she tries to come back for the 3rd time!
Jeez...this seems so much like a gal I was just dating for 6 months. She completely made my head spin and screwed with me like nobody else. Ive never met anything like this..they almost feel inhuman. Like something is just off. She would always claim that "she just needed a lot of alone time" yet would keep me on the backburner and pretty much only used me for sex. Very secretive and I would catch her in incosistancies/lies all the time. Devastating feeling over all....especially when they are someone who seems so perfect at first.
I destroyed my life because of a covert narcissist (male) ex. I gave up my friends, jobs, ambitions, routines, places I used to go, etc. for his victimization for the good of our relationship ("I guess I'm the only one who loves"). Criticism, calling my ideas, suggestions "stupid", "ridiculous", my ambitions "delusional". Gosh...it was the worse thing I did to my life. 12 years with a super "sweet" manipulative man. All true. About the money, so true!!! The not giving, the micro control over the money...when I finally became a wreck (soulless) he broke up.
This is an old comment, but I need to let you know. I got to the point where I had background checks done on a suspect Narcs. Not one that cried they were abused was abused. The base comes from a life of no accountable moments. Background checks don't lie.
You’ve met my ex or read my journals.😀Well done. Married 27 and every point you made is spot on. Money, food and children are triggers as well as events, parties or anything they can ruin. Best advice I can offer is keep a journal it’ll be the truth against the lies and gaslighting.
Internally, I feel they have feelings of superiority, they believe they're perfect, and don't have insecure or shy egos. My mother was not smothered or spoiled, and had normal siblings. Her mother was scared of her as an adult. I was scared of my mother. My mother was a narc by choice. She was addicted to the power high that comes from manipulating and controlling others. She was less a parasite than a prison warden. The whole story on covert narcs is not in yet. They most certainly are predators.
Amazingly accurate description of Cover narcissist 3 years out of a 15-year marriage where I was put in the penitentiary alienated from my children financially devastated and all the rest you do amazing accurate overall description I also started Channel men's covert recovery I think it's very important like you say that men are also victims we need to speak up and speak out it's hard for us man to admit that we've been abused you're doing a fantastic job I am so proud of everybody who uses this unbelievable experience to better themselves to help educate others to bring awareness to an unspoken reality it truly is a life-altering mind-blowing experience covert narcissist I've demon from hell disguise is an angel from heaven I like to call them coward narcissist fantastic job we all have a part and I think you're doing a great job keep up the awesome work
Yes to everything. I survived - just and still can’t believe the soulless roam the earth. Dead robots. I had a role in the relationship, but the experience taught me I can’t save anyone other than myself and my super power is calmly walking away from all toxicity.
I wasnt in a romantic relationship with one but after starting a support group for survivors of childhood trauma, where i was smeared there was this female covert narc or malignant narc that came in the last stages of my time in the group. I was 2 years in recovery and had good boundaries in place already, i wasn't in my healthiest moment and took a "bait" in the form of "reactive abuse" that affected or maybe gave traction to the discard and smear campaign that i suffered- Someone "crosstalked" as its usually called in support groups in minimizing and gaslighting fashion to a traumatic experience i suffered, and then as i set the group boundary and a personal boundary for it they went crazy into projection and narc rage. Narc people played that as if i was the "bad person" even if i was the group starter and also got a genuinly invalidating reply for sharing a traumatic experience that someone didnt like. Textbook gaslighting and crosstalk - There was this female covert narc that joined the group and yeah she never bonded, we had a couple conversations, it never felt authentic, and she would say covert and word salady things as well , NEVER took responsibility, her energy was very inauthentic very vindictive, i was on to her. Because as an empath , and a person with boundaries, i am just connected to myself in a way, that i can feel which relationships feel safe reciprocal and feel like a connection , and which ones are just kinda draining, or something you can't put your finger on. I suffered a smear campaign across recovery groups last year, isee red flags really easy for toxic people, now as a result of having passed through a trauma bond and become educated on narc abuse more thoroughly having suffered it (I had a narc parent as well so i was already in healing , and had done emdr and had some of the wounds of being raised by a narc projecting abusive parent). Yeah the covert women is just the probably scariest on some way for me , because she's manipulative and hidden, and passes as something as a altruistic job or type person such as "teacher" , but they are so empty, vindictive, exploitattive, entitled, and lack empathy .Its great to add the integration of narc abuse to my recovery i have better boundaries with them , and choose healthy people to relate to - Sometimes i call the behaviour out directly to them , or sometimes to other people who may complain to me why i dont like spending time with an abusive narc. Its true in the case of the covert or overt they will both be very vindictive and try to get someone back for it in the form of smear campaign or whatever- But sometimes i call them out to their fuckin face so they know i see the bullshit, the guilt trip, the control etc, and im quite well boundaried now and versed on the abuse, after breaking a trauma bond i still have poison to release, but im hoping that there will be justice. We just can't have narc people in meetings for trauma survivors and although they have trauma they will continue to be abusive there in a crowd that needs boundaries and authenticity they dont belong there, and its also part of me as someone who survived this to bring more and more awareness to this narc abuse in support groups for trauma, or any support groups, it happens, and its sad! its enabled, and sometimes even the narcs can find validation in some of the literature. they might find a little validation, then be super abusive anyway. never take responsibility. me and others , such as yourself, are bringing more awareness to it.
I'm 42 and this is my 2nd go-round with her. First time was at age 28 when I didn't know what was going on. Thank you so much. I'm in the midst of it so I don't have the energy to say much more at the moment. If you'd like more knowledge for your coaching, I can give you plenty of details.
@@nightwatchman7482 I didn't know what she was the first time I dated her because it was 14 years ago. I just knew something was off but I was young and thought that I was the one who screwed it up. Fast forward 14 years I'm 42 and she's 48. Being more confident and wiser I started seeing the same thing happen again and started googling the behaviors. How discovered what she was a couple of weeks before I ended it with her. Of course I was already in the devaluation phase. Try to have a calm conversation with her and just got stonewalled and looked at like I was nothing. The love bomb stage lasted a lot longer this time. About 6 months of doing everything together and our schedules lining up perfectly. That and she only lived 20 minutes away. 6 years of a relationship in 6 months basically. We were together all the time
@@cmhwilder I know the feeling man. Mine was a long distance relationship which went from paradise to purgatory in a matter of weeks. I made all kinds of compromises to please her while she was openly talking to other guys. Finally, circumstances conspired to break us up, but looking back now, I'm deeply grateful to the almighty circumstances
Ive been waiting for the hoarding part. The narc I encountered had a whole hoarding room. It was so odd, but she was so shy and sweet, I chalked it up as a cute trait. But she collects people as well.
She definitely only wanted me for looks and validation. She had no problem talking about herself and not caring at all about what I felt or wanted. Interesting point about them using kids for validation. My ex said she just wants to be a mother in life and not pursue any other interests. She even said that if she's doesn't have a kid by 26 she's going to the sperm bank.... wtf? 😂
Jesus Christ. I’ve been watching hundreds of hours of BPD, NPD, ASPD, and reading articles for months…I’ve been convinced my partner is a covert narcissist which I first thought was just BPD which I learned watching Johnny Depp trial when I realized holy crap their recordings sound like my girlfriend and I. But my girlfriend is so quiet and seems like perfect person and always agreeing with me and being happy…yet she was ALWAYS on her phone and very controlling of her phone and suspicious how she was sleeping with it and all sorts…anyways, the whole time, even from first week I realized after finally going through her phone 2 years later, she had been talking trash about me to her mom, and all her family and friends…when we are together I think she’s happy…yet she’s complaining about me. Yet, she knows I’m an empath and I’m CONSTANTLY asking her how she feels and I’m very overly concerned about her, and I’m very transparent and she agreed she would be transparent but she never is…she did say one day “I know I have problems communicating and need to communicate better, it’s hard for me to open up and express emotion”…which I took as just being hurt. Ugh anyways I’m tired of typing already because I’ve been typing to her for years only to be gaslit and not heard and so now I hate typing but the point is that this video finally explains almost everything about her…including things that I’m like well maybe she’s not one because nobody mentioned XYZ…like when you mentioned they are materialistic but will say they aren’t or say that they are independent and don’t need anyone…SHE CONSTANTLY WOULD SAY THAT TO ME, even when the situation didn’t call for that response. Yet she was always complaining to people about how much I didn’t do when I did everything for her…for instance, she knew I was in law school and didn’t have much money and I told her that, and that I wanted to get her a PROMISE RING because she made a comment about it….well, she wanted a $20,000 promise ring…not even an engagement ring. And she gaslit about it when I was saying things like I’d love to get you the ring of your dreams but I can’t afford it right now and I just want to get something right now that’s more symbolic because you said you don’t even care about the ring it’s the meaning behind the ring which I agree with…and she would make me feel crazy saying I’m selfish and i don’t love her because I won’t buy her a ring yet I told her look I’ll even spend $2,000 on a promise ring which I originally was expecting $150-200 because it’s more about just the idea of commitment and not an engagement yet…and said I’ll graduate in 1 year so I’ll buy you something when we have money. $20k ring….Jesus man….she already took me for so much money…which is now debt as a student loan. I’m so stupid. This is the second time in my life, but I see the signs for the first one now. And I saw the signs for this one from the first month but she was very good at using my insecurities against me….I have also been going to counseling for years and she’d ask me what we discussed in counseling which is none of her business but I’d share anyways trying to bond with her and she’d use it against me later on. Anyways just wanted to thank you because I was feeling weak again after 3 months and almost considered being so lonely since I worked up the courage to leave her…it’s been 3 months and she still contacts me daily…she keeps creating new numbers and new email addresses…and I keep blocking them and she keeps making new ones saying please I love you, don’t leave me, I don’t want to be single, I don’t want you to be happy with anyone else….Crazy But, I just graduated law school…oh which she knew my salary was going to be $200k+ which I was stupid to share with her but I did it looking back to try and impress her and it was unhealthy motivations for me. But I’m working on myself. So, jokes on her
I can spot them fairly quick . Just ended it with one after dating for two weeks and it was fantastic. But i saw the flags. Then the nonsense overreactions got out of hand ....i knew it ! Also she was georgeous, gaslighting me...but i knew.
They can make a husband of their own children, friends, parents, cable man, a cat or dog, and yes even a washing machine. They can love anything that gives supply.
Together with your neglectful narc videos this is the absolute best material on covert narcissism. Thank you so much!!) Indeed, a most detailed discription of my ex wife)) I wish all this was available 10 years ago... Oh, could you somehow put a system to your videos (numbers? dates?). Right now I can only tell them apart without watching by the color of your tshirt))
You got kicked out of Hell. Recognize that. You are in a better situation even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Focus on yourself. Find yourself again. Good luck, buddy.
Great video, you have described my little ex narcy girlfriend to a T..She would say (I dont like myself) she has a network of people manipulated into her web of deception. She disgarded/ghosted me, and i got a message on the cell, saying hey im sorry, i didnt think we would get so close, and you know i have my demons. Crazy...is a understatement.
I was married to one briefly. She pushed quickly to marry and was saying I love you within 2 weeks. I saw red flags even in the beginning but they are good at covering up and claiming projection and constantly gaslighting. She’s a beautiful woman especially for her age. She lives a false life though Facebook portraying what she wants others to believe yet very few people really know her. She lived an entire separate life from our marriage. I “believe” she took her wedding ring off once she left the house. It was shocking to find out what she truly did to me before I kicked her out and changed the locks. She roofied me and slept with a singer from a local wine bar in my house. She was meeting men behind my back when she claimed she was at work. She slept with her married attorney going through the divorce to pay her debt and gain leverage in court. And yes they ask a lot about the person in their life to simply use it against them later. You will find out you know little about them in the end since they like to keep their past a secret. And they have zero ability to connect. I asked her (again she was my wife briefly) to head to the bedroom to make love. Her response (which I didn’t get at that moment) was “I don’t make love, I fu.k.” And simply because she doesn’t have the ability to make love-that is a connection. I am baffled that she reached out to me through the divorce under a fake account on Facebook. She proceeded to tell me things about herself. Again she claimed to be a scorned woman that was mad at my wife for ruining her marriage. That part was very bizarre. She told me so many things about her and not sure what could have been true or if it was all lies and if so, why?
I’ve watched A LOT of narcissist video in the past 2 months since being discarded. This was by far the hardest to watch 😢 it wasn’t even like you’re describing in general terms, it’s like you’re specifically talking about my ex, point for point and its gut wrenching to know how a person I loved so completely played me and never saw me as a human being
My best friend was getting so much Narc supply off my wife I started freaking out and threw him out of our lives. He is now playing the victim card , he was love bombing my wife and turning her into a narc
@@melwill9868 I agree, I found out myself that I am not paranoid, that certain behaviors were deliberate. I felt stupid for not figuring it out sooner. I suspected instinctively but didn't know for sure.
That's the big question--if they do, they would never admit it to it. At some point I had to abandon the question because it was not only unanswerable, it didn't really matter. What mattered is how I felt in response to that treatment. They are "master manipulators," but I don't believe it's necessarily all plotted out--it's just the way they operate, it's the air they breathe, and to them their behavior is egosyntonic; that is, it makes perfect sense to them and is justified in their minds.
This is so true, I have had a covert narcissist harass me for 20 years, very smart and rich, off course I encouraged it at first, seemed your luck was in, me coming from a poor background. I was very stupid and naive but there was so many red flags! I can’t believe now I was so stupid! But for the last 14 years I have done nothing and she suddenly come back 8 years ago and my God! Now she knows I am on to her, her mask has really slipped off! They are complete nutters, they will mirror you copy things you have and are very vengeful even though nothing has happened for the last 14 years. When I tried to get evidence she will disappear for a while always a step ahead and always was even early on. Even my dash cam camera hasn’t caught anything as I only put it on
It was a covert narc that taught me to Stop giving others the benefit of the doubt
Wow, I feel that, she was so innocent it went right over my head. I don’t fall for that BS anymore. I see Narcs coming before Hi.
“I was with a covert narcissist ,evil is alive and thriving don’t think it’s something to smile at or laugh. Take them very seriously, red flag 🚩 saying that something about you is great, there full of shit
Lying is there first language “don’t ever tell them about your deepest secrets “ horrible person to know ,
Tip watch for someone that you can’t understand, double check on what there saying. A lot of times there trying to see if your paying attention to there dumbness.
Peace peeps
Your comment really helps me, thank you. I am inspired to acknwledge all the things I now know as a result of covert narc 'friendships'. I am walking away from quite a few people and moving away. I am having therapy for trauma. I won't make these mistakes again, I know see the red flags and know I have the right to boundaries.
Damn !! Damn !!! Damn !!!! YOU ARE EXACTLY 💯💯 SPOT ON !!!!!! I also learnt it hard way.
"You're bonding, they're not.."
Nuff said
I knew someone like this; she ruined me. She also had many male friends and only one woman friend. Poison. :)
I had a relationship with a female covert narcissist. Worst experience of my life. She chewed me up and spat me out in little pieces. I was left drained and almost broken.
It was scary as hell.
Same here!
same... i was with her twice. first time around great .... 2nd time hell.
Same here brother. Being married for years, find myself on the street with our 2 years old daughter while she was having her new supply. Looking back the best thing that happened to me! My daughter is with me almost full time and after the healing process, I find the best version of myself. Now we have a fulfilled and happy life! And that's all that matters at the end of the day.
Same here
Yessir 3 years of hell for me. She is the devil.
I am in the middle of divorcing my covert narc. It has been the most disgusting and terrifying experience of my life. I was cheated on, manipulated, gaslighted, discarded and replaced. It happened overnight. We have two young children. I am in therapy, divorce care group and I constantly educate myself with videos like this. Thank you all who share their experiences and thank you to the author of this video. It was not our fault. Narcs are miserable, evil people. Long bumpy road to recovery but it does happen.
Can’t imagine. Broke up with a woman who I imagine was a covert narc (checked a lot of boxes). I thought that was hard. Can’t imagine it being my wife and mother of my children. Good luck, buddy. Think this. You got kicked out of Hell.
I'm going through a divorce after 12 years as well. It's already a complete nightmare. How did yours turn out?
@@ladyvirgo9514 I’m almost out of the water. After two failed mediations , I have a request for a hearing. As of now I have 50/50 custody of my kids. Every day is a little better. Just takes a lot of consistency, time and effort.
Stay strong... give yourself some grace. It's not gonna be easy but it will get over. It just takes time... use you anxiety as fuel!!! Do something for yourself! Once a week twice a week... and just keep your composure stay kind they want to fight, they want to argue, they want to blame... just walk the line and be you!
Take it one day at a time! I know it feels like a hole is cut out of your soul... time will heal that. I promise you!
Just know your lucky! It was always gonna end this way. Consider yourself lucky that you out now! And not later
"They do not and can not bond"...This is soooo true but the hurtful part too coz no matter how much love, affection and kindness you give, you get ZERO "real love" in return
I know the feeling...took me 40 years to figure out I was being sucked dry by my covert narcissist /Jezebel wife...killed my soul, my physical health, my financial health my spiritual health....what a disaster
They don't know and understand love.
As a very empathetic person my ex Covert narc reeled me in easy. Everything was amazing at the very start I felt like a king but that changed quickly. something always felt off... when I calmly brought up that I our emotional and physical intimacy felt off, she got really passive aggressive and ultimately dropped me. I felt broken after and even apologized for being needy and controlling which I regretted bc I realized that just fed her ego even more. In reality all I was wanting was a healthy equal relationship with reciprocation but for some reason I felt guilty for wanting that. Once I found Covert Narc info it ALL made sense. As a naturally empathetic person I am EXTREMELY cautious of people with "victim" mindsets now, as that's how I got reeled in, trying to fix someone...
Great Video! 👍
Don’t feel bad I did the same. Chased her off and on for months. Now I see that was the plan. But I don’t regret it. She helped me stop seeking peace (love) outside myself. I think thats the lesson we suppose to learn by attracting them. They seek love and peace outside themselves to but their narcissism keeps them from learning while our empathy helps us improve until we get the healthy adult relationships we desire
@@siccilymilliano9426 Yes, I am a similar case. The hot and cold behaviour, the cognitive dissonance, was so confusing, but it is just instinctive on their part. The coverts hide their lack of self-esteem, their envy, fear, hatred and anxiety behind a wall of aloofness and arrogance. This is why they will seem distant when not love bombing. In learning just how fake and empty she is, she has made me a stronger, more mature and more empathic person also armed with narc detection capabilities! 🙂
@@TheRonaldbaxter yeah I know what you mean. I learned never ignore red flags. But I’m so much better now that I been no contact for over a year
how do you know you are an empathetic person, did you get a diagnosis from the clinic?
Wow awesome video!! You are dead on with everything you said!! I lived it!! She was gorgeous which made it even more difficult to see!!
YES.THEY USE THEIR BEAUTY&SEX AS WEAPONS!
Same here. My brother from another mother. They also will tell you anything. Whether you catch feeling's about it. Or not. They physical abusive as well. You heard
Same here, she was very pretty and sexy, and came off as heaven sent. Couldn't believe she was who she is
She NEVER apologizes. She may have unleashed a nuclear bomb killing millions, she's still NOT going to apologise
Lol
My ex has apologized only when i asked about it, or when needed something.
One would think that a church would be filled with empathetic people, but it can also be a place where narcissists look for naive prey. And, that's my story - met a gal in Christian social circles. She played the victim well. I married her and moved in with her and her sons. The wedding was at a church, with pastor, family, friends. One day after the wedding, she started a campaign of passive-aggressive behavior, followed by synthesized arguments. It was like living in a Twilight Zone episode.
After 3 months of bizarre behavior, word salad, avoiding employment, entitlement and much more, I divorced her. She attempted to hoover me, but the cat was out of the bag. Eventually, her sister revealed to me my wife's adulterous behavior that the sister kept under wraps. Am "no-contact" now - phone, email, social media. If you are involved with a narc, you *must* go no-contact or they will suck you back into their web of deceit and manipulation.
The loneliest day as a single is better than being involved with a covert narcissist.
Well said man. Glad you got out early. Similar situation here moved in with her and her two problem children. I got out after the third year. Luckily I never married her. I stayed for too long, but in the end dumping and ghosting her was one of the best things I have ever done in my life.
Covert narcs are the "Street Angel - House Devil' type to a T! That public persona is EVERYTHING to a covert - especially if they have a social media presence and followers (like on Twitch, etc.).
Its so true with the money. The most cheap people i ever met and its like the money is their biggest supply above people and everything else, even their family
“Live up in their heads. Always the victim. Very nice. Not enough emotional connection.”
You described my ex covert narc. Seemed shy, sweet, obtuse? All of that. What was the worst I couldn’t trust her. She’d disappear and later id found out she’d be with an ex boyfriend. I pulled out 5 years ago. But I have ptsd and what’s worse is i no longer trust.
Very recognizable. As if you describe my covert narcissist ex partner.
She is exactly what you tell in this video.
One huge fake show and facade I can say form experience.
I learned the hard way but I am happy that I ended my relationship with her.
She is an immature, insecure, frustrated, angry, damaged and sick person.
A little child in a mature body.
A coward who always runs away when it is time to deliver, to take responsibilities for her actions.
Miss Perfect in front of the stage and behind closed doors in private a demon.
She used all the tricks and trades to get me into a relationship.
Love bombing, gaslighting, shame blame game, silent treatment, hoovering etc.
One of the hardest parts I still find after almost two years now that I ended the relationship is that her two young children are also victim of the toxic behavior of their mother.
No unconditional love, trust, respect.
One is the golden child and the other one is the scapegoat.
The father of my ex is an overt narcissist, so I now know what background she has in family environment.
So sad.
You just wanna feel bad for them but they’re fully aware
This is spot on. This was my ex girlfriend to a tee. She was covert. I experienced gaslighting, projecting, blaming, dismissiveness, lying, ignoring, and im sure cheating. Worst relationship I ever had. She also had a monotone voice.
absolutely true..al part of the act..
My wife of 28 years love bombed me. It was good at first but after 1 1/2 years she started devaluing me. After 2 years I was cut off from emotional and physical intimacy. She got a job and put my 2 kids into daycare which I hated them being their as babies. She began to be very demanding. Her honey doo lists were always there and very exhausting. Little did I know they would last 25 years until I broke down. My kids had my love all along so that she did not have such an impact on them. I took her abuse during the whole time until they grew up. I was her focus, and so my children were spared alot which I am joyful I was able to do for them. Thank God. They can't imagine today how much the love of a father for his children. She almost destroyed me, but Jesus had other plans for me. I am trusting Him more and more. She no longer gets to me like she used to.
This is exactly what happened to me!! She was an opera singer…she a was a devil disguised as an fragile angel! She discarded me emotionally broken and shamed me out of my social and business cycle. I’ve never felt so much pain. Helped her with everything just to get abandoned for an F boy after she hid her tinder and 2. Instagram from me while I was shamed for everything what went wrong in the relationship. She always was the victim never the reason. Never met someone more hideous….never.
I have watched COUNTLESS videos on these serpents but this is by FAR the best one yet. Spot on!
I agree, very accurate.
Also watch PsychopathEXposure.
I had a relationship with this covert narcissist. She was parasite. Even worse than that. At the beggining was fantastic then when her mask completely gone, she became heartless monster who treated me like i was a trash. Hope many people could learn more to avoidnthis personality disorder.
You just described my ex -wife of 30 years . I'm blessed being able to escape this evil entity . Yes , they will try to get rid of you for good these people are dangerous. My ex -wife tried to DROWN me , she set it up as a weekend getaway on the beach , she took a lot of pictures of me and her asked me to smile big and posted them on social media. Soon after the failed attempt on trying to DROWN me all of her niceness STOPPED! The weekend trip was over as well as our marriage. In reality our marriage was over many years ago. Excellent video thank you for sharing . God bless you and your family.
So how did she try to kill ...drown u?...that is their goal to destroy u..I'm a covert narcissist expert. 40 f in years experience with my covert narcissist Jezebel wife....soul killer is my name for her ...one year awake from the spell...God help me.
How did you stay around for 30 years?
Wtf……. That’s beyond narcissistic…
scary what was her zodiac?
I consider myself well educated on this subject. This video is very accurate and well articulated.
Thanks.
Yes, I agree. I have spent two years researching and trying to understand the “covert” narcissist.
As you should because these people are out there.
The hardest part is watching the narcissist use her child as a pawn. It's breaking my heart.
Sounds like 95% of females I have ever met.
The minute I stopped giving her money she vanished in thin air and started flirting with her male orbiters on social media like she was single and completely ignored my messages blocked and no contact and it still hurts
Mine prided herself on her looks and appearing young. She lead two lives and kept one almost completely hidden from me,VERY sneaky! No remorse. She hid behind silence. The more I discovered no intimacy, no empathy I called her out. Calmly, quietly at first but anxiety inside me built up. The more restive (silent) she was the more my demands for the “talk” would be. Of course, my initial playful self died and less going out, less fun as I tried to solve the problem. She got less and less positive fuel and we argued a lot about communication of course and lack of empathy...round and round we’d go for hours.😒 Finally, 4 years later, we had a huge argument about “empathy and connection” and I called her out! I laid out her silence, no talking, periodic ghosting and silent treatment, lack of empathy, never sincere apology out! She gave me the final ghosting discard and ran to her monkeys to live in a nearby town abandoning townhouse a mile from where I live. You see, I’d given her the benefit of the doubt re: ghosting and silent treatment they are such juvenile moves. I projected my fantasy beliefs that her behaviors were because she was shy, unskilled at communication, poor anger management/impulse control, and abused as child these caused her inability to connect and could be fixed. I know, I’m an idiot and very naive when it comes to relationships. I went after her several times. Guess what, she’d come back (intermittent reinforcement=trauma bond). I figured she’d cooled enough to listen to reason so...naw, just looking for the positive fuel until I sensed the emotional joke and got bummed out again...rinse and repeat. So, picking up the pieces and trying to heal. GLTYA🙏
Hope you are well by now...watch PsychopathEXposure.
Wow....thats exactly my life right now.
Your videos are therapy for me.
I go to my Facebook page 12 years go to me in August like I was nothing made me cold and bitter which t 12 years off m6 life I did not an do anything to deserve i
This is so spot on! The split happened within 3 months of us getting close. I called her out on it and she totally vanished. Its been been 3 months since no contact. I thought she moved out tge building. She knew I was moving out the building in July so she miraculously showed up one night walking her dog. Now she is texting, saying she missed me and is trying to find out my new address like nothing toxic ever happened between us. These people are very dangerous 😳
My ex always complained that everyone always took advantage of her and she was tired of being kind. It all hit me after I learned about projection.
One of the most accurate descriptions of my ex. I didn't know what I was dealing with until I did research on CZcams. I discarded her before she had the chance, I saw the red flags and I had to leave her. So far the most painful experience I have to deal with.
I’ve done a lot of learning on the subject. This woman has the best videos on it. She has a second video on female covert narcs. 100% spot on.
One of the big red flags I found was this person was incapable of connecting at an emotional level.
This person always went around wid one of her friends when she wanted to connect wid a person on the emotional level. Here her friend did all the talking which was so strange.
mannnn , i was looking for this information, because my covert ex gf was so connected emotionaly , because i was challnge for her and i did not gave fuck about her , after 4 years i felt sorry for her and starts to give her time and attention and one day she saw me that i m falling for her and after that moment in two days i felt nothing emotional connection was not there and absoult 0 lol , and she starts cheating on me and replace me and i knew it that moment and as i asked her she starts gaslithing me and i was losing my confidence and got brain fog , but i knw it what happening but i did not told her again and starts to heal while i was in relationship, one day she send me msg that she dont want to be with me i said okay and she blocked me on everything and i blocked her on everything too, but i posted in one facebook group that my ex cheated on me and played with me has why i played with her too and i have new gf and she is better than her , i go email from my nac ex because she was satlking me with fake id , and i did not replied , after two weeks she sent me another email that she did not played withme and not cheated on me and she will wait for at our place to meet and then we will breakup like matures. although she discarded me before 2 weeks and blocked me on everything lol, i did not replied and did not went there , she waited for me because she wanted to gaslighting me again to save her face. but emotional connection is really strange with them and first 4 years i abused her emotionaly and she like codepended but as i validated her and show her my weakness , emotional connection was not there again
Same thing I couldn’t tell if her friend was her boyfriend and I was her friend. It’s sick
What grows in the dark always comes to the light! No matter how many times a snake sheds its skin it's still a snake!
I was married to the same AA sweetheart for 34 years when my son died of a heroin overdose we separated for awhile and I meet this person online and we talked for 8 months before I flew out and met her me and my wife are back together she had a similar exp as I did I guess we needed to learn a lesson. Just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary. The narcs are livid lmao!
You nailed it! They don't bond with anyone. That explains everything. Great video
In fact the more I watch this it might be the best video I've seen Thanks again
I lived and i am still living this nightmare currently. My husband of 12 years brutally discarded me in May, hes been shacked up with the secretary from his work since then. He ghosted me for 3 months until the other day when you showed up with a uhaul to clean me out! I resisted him taking everything until the divorce is settled. Hes also held up the divorce process that he filed! They are malicious, vile monsters.
God help me because he has exhausted me
I didn’t respect my intuition , and now I’m paying for it , 7 years with this woman , she did it all with me , this is not right , how you can think, that the person you love and care , it’s the person who will DESTROY YOU , you love , pasión, care , time and inocencia . Thanks for your help and time , Paz for all people who are suffering.
The “flat aspect” is an interesting one. I could never read any expression on her face. With hindsight I always felt the emptiness in my gut, but I could never make out anything on her face. 😶 I thought it was just me. To everyone else she is nice and kind. 😦🤢
OMG, when I say you have described EVERYTHING about my ex wife, I mean EVERYTHING. She doesn't connect at a deep level, plays the victim, very smart, can't handle criticism in any form, very shallow and vain, has a continuous resting bitch face (unless friends come around), personalize success even if she had nothing to do with it but socializes all failure, she believes I did nothing and she did everything, etc... The list is just so long!! As a matter of fact, I learned about Narcissism because she accused me of being one! After researching it for 2 weeks I saw this is her and she is projecting! I had NO idea what the topic was. WOW! The icing on the damn cake is towards the end, "They envy and hate you for succeeding"!!
That was pretty darn good!! Brought up a lot of memories! Lol! They are so selfish, and can literally only think about themselves. They act very shy unless its one one with there significant others then talk crap about their bosses ect.. The mother of my ex one time even said something at one those locked in roooms for an hour. And you have to try and get out. Like I have no education and of course the entire family thought college was everything. But her mother said in their " Jared did better than a detective and a police chief that went to school for it" with an attitude like she was literally salty about me getting more clues and I wasn't even trying and half drunk too. I am not boasting, I was making the point that they cannot handle other people being better or naturally gifted. Its insane!
Love this video too! "You don't know what's that, but something is just not right!" Spot on!
Right to the point 📍Bulls Eye! 🎯 Thxs lots! Greetings from 🇲🇾
I can't believe how much I can relate to your videos! Thank you so much.
I can speak from experience, do NOT expose them
Four decades of experience with covert narc mother....I have seen and lived through all of this especially after her recent stroke. I also believe some of them can disassociate when experiencing narcissistic injury. Best and most accurate video on this specific topic ever! I am healing now that I know all this. It has been so painful to accept she won't change.
Sooo spot on! Oh, she sucked me drive of everything. Onse I started exposing her, she did the reverse discard. She doesn't know that I know she cheated, so I hope she tries to come back for the 3rd time!
It was spot on. Thank you for the clarity ❤
Wow….. I needed this video so bad right now… god bless you 🙏🙏♥️♥️
Jeez...this seems so much like a gal I was just dating for 6 months. She completely made my head spin and screwed with me like nobody else. Ive never met anything like this..they almost feel inhuman. Like something is just off. She would always claim that "she just needed a lot of alone time" yet would keep me on the backburner and pretty much only used me for sex. Very secretive and I would catch her in incosistancies/lies all the time. Devastating feeling over all....especially when they are someone who seems so perfect at first.
Amazing, so spot on. Thank you for this video
Excellent content, brilliantly explained and delivered...thank you..👏🙏👏
Best explanation of all videos I've seen. Thanks, people need to know this specially young high school kids.
I destroyed my life because of a covert narcissist (male) ex. I gave up my friends, jobs, ambitions, routines, places I used to go, etc. for his victimization for the good of our relationship ("I guess I'm the only one who loves"). Criticism, calling my ideas, suggestions "stupid", "ridiculous", my ambitions "delusional". Gosh...it was the worse thing I did to my life. 12 years with a super "sweet" manipulative man. All true. About the money, so true!!! The not giving, the micro control over the money...when I finally became a wreck (soulless) he broke up.
Very very accurate understanding of the covert female narcissist
👏 That's very informative! Thank you!💙
Really good summary of covert narcissists. 👏. Thank you for putting this out there.
Excellent summary.
This is exactly what I experienced in an 11 year long relationship with a woman who had a terrible childhood experience.
This is an old comment, but I need to let you know. I got to the point where I had background checks done on a suspect Narcs. Not one that cried they were abused was abused. The base comes from a life of no accountable moments. Background checks don't lie.
Outstanding video. I have watched countless videos on narcissism and this was easily the most direct and informative.
Same. Best video.
You’ve met my ex or read my journals.😀Well done. Married 27 and every point you made is spot on. Money, food and children are triggers as well as events, parties or anything they can ruin. Best advice I can offer is keep a journal it’ll be the truth against the lies and gaslighting.
Amazing video. Many many thanks.
Internally, I feel they have feelings of superiority, they believe they're perfect, and don't have insecure or shy egos. My mother was not smothered or spoiled, and had normal siblings. Her mother was scared of her as an adult. I was scared of my mother. My mother was a narc by choice. She was addicted to the power high that comes from manipulating and controlling others. She was less a parasite than a prison warden.
The whole story on covert narcs is not in yet. They most certainly are predators.
Thanks for your thoughts and input. You make really good points. Lots to think about.
Amazingly accurate description of
Cover narcissist 3 years out of a 15-year marriage where I was put in the penitentiary alienated from my children financially devastated and all the rest you do amazing accurate overall description I also started Channel men's covert recovery I think it's very important like you say that men are also victims we need to speak up and speak out it's hard for us man to admit that we've been abused you're doing a fantastic job I am so proud of everybody who uses this unbelievable experience to better themselves to help educate others to bring awareness to an unspoken reality it truly is a life-altering mind-blowing experience covert narcissist I've demon from hell disguise is an angel from heaven I like to call them coward narcissist fantastic job we all have a part and I think you're doing a great job keep up the awesome work
15 years with narcissist 🙄
Great vid Sweets
Yes to everything. I survived - just and still can’t believe the soulless roam the earth. Dead robots. I had a role in the relationship, but the experience taught me I can’t save anyone other than myself and my super power is calmly walking away from all toxicity.
I wasnt in a romantic relationship with one but after starting a support group for survivors of childhood trauma, where i was smeared there was this female covert narc or malignant narc that came in the last stages of my time in the group. I was 2 years in recovery and had good boundaries in place already, i wasn't in my healthiest moment and took a "bait" in the form of "reactive abuse" that affected or maybe gave traction to the discard and smear campaign that i suffered- Someone "crosstalked" as its usually called in support groups in minimizing and gaslighting fashion to a traumatic experience i suffered, and then as i set the group boundary and a personal boundary for it they went crazy into projection and narc rage. Narc people played that as if i was the "bad person" even if i was the group starter and also got a genuinly invalidating reply for sharing a traumatic experience that someone didnt like. Textbook gaslighting and crosstalk - There was this female covert narc that joined the group and yeah she never bonded, we had a couple conversations, it never felt authentic, and she would say covert and word salady things as well , NEVER took responsibility, her energy was very inauthentic very vindictive, i was on to her. Because as an empath , and a person with boundaries, i am just connected to myself in a way, that i can feel which relationships feel safe reciprocal and feel like a connection , and which ones are just kinda draining, or something you can't put your finger on. I suffered a smear campaign across recovery groups last year, isee red flags really easy for toxic people, now as a result of having passed through a trauma bond and become educated on narc abuse more thoroughly having suffered it (I had a narc parent as well so i was already in healing , and had done emdr and had some of the wounds of being raised by a narc projecting abusive parent). Yeah the covert women is just the probably scariest on some way for me , because she's manipulative and hidden, and passes as something as a altruistic job or type person such as "teacher" , but they are so empty, vindictive, exploitattive, entitled, and lack empathy .Its great to add the integration of narc abuse to my recovery i have better boundaries with them , and choose healthy people to relate to - Sometimes i call the behaviour out directly to them , or sometimes to other people who may complain to me why i dont like spending time with an abusive narc. Its true in the case of the covert or overt they will both be very vindictive and try to get someone back for it in the form of smear campaign or whatever- But sometimes i call them out to their fuckin face so they know i see the bullshit, the guilt trip, the control etc, and im quite well boundaried now and versed on the abuse, after breaking a trauma bond i still have poison to release, but im hoping that there will be justice. We just can't have narc people in meetings for trauma survivors and although they have trauma they will continue to be abusive there in a crowd that needs boundaries and authenticity they dont belong there, and its also part of me as someone who survived this to bring more and more awareness to this narc abuse in support groups for trauma, or any support groups, it happens, and its sad! its enabled, and sometimes even the narcs can find validation in some of the literature. they might find a little validation, then be super abusive anyway. never take responsibility. me and others , such as yourself, are bringing more awareness to it.
Great Video!!
Thank you... thank you thank you thank you.
Now I know who she was! Thank God I am out
Wow! Your information is amazing!?
SPOT ON!! BTDT! Good video. 👍👍
totally on point!
Excellent overview.
I'm 42 and this is my 2nd go-round with her. First time was at age 28 when I didn't know what was going on. Thank you so much. I'm in the midst of it so I don't have the energy to say much more at the moment. If you'd like more knowledge for your coaching, I can give you plenty of details.
Do you think she has changed? Are they even capable of change? What made you feel it will work out this time around?
@@nightwatchman7482 I didn't know what she was the first time I dated her because it was 14 years ago. I just knew something was off but I was young and thought that I was the one who screwed it up. Fast forward 14 years I'm 42 and she's 48. Being more confident and wiser I started seeing the same thing happen again and started googling the behaviors. How discovered what she was a couple of weeks before I ended it with her. Of course I was already in the devaluation phase. Try to have a calm conversation with her and just got stonewalled and looked at like I was nothing. The love bomb stage lasted a lot longer this time. About 6 months of doing everything together and our schedules lining up perfectly. That and she only lived 20 minutes away. 6 years of a relationship in 6 months basically. We were together all the time
@@cmhwilder I know the feeling man. Mine was a long distance relationship which went from paradise to purgatory in a matter of weeks. I made all kinds of compromises to please her while she was openly talking to other guys. Finally, circumstances conspired to break us up, but looking back now, I'm deeply grateful to the almighty circumstances
Girl that was good!
Thanks for the great insight..greeting s from Mexico.
Ive been waiting for the hoarding part. The narc I encountered had a whole hoarding room. It was so odd, but she was so shy and sweet, I chalked it up as a cute trait. But she collects people as well.
Mine had a hoarding room as well. Mostly pre school.teaching tools in her case. Early childhood books and other pre school.supplies.
She definitely only wanted me for looks and validation. She had no problem talking about herself and not caring at all about what I felt or wanted. Interesting point about them using kids for validation. My ex said she just wants to be a mother in life and not pursue any other interests. She even said that if she's doesn't have a kid by 26 she's going to the sperm bank.... wtf? 😂
Jesus Christ. I’ve been watching hundreds of hours of BPD, NPD, ASPD, and reading articles for months…I’ve been convinced my partner is a covert narcissist which I first thought was just BPD which I learned watching Johnny Depp trial when I realized holy crap their recordings sound like my girlfriend and I.
But my girlfriend is so quiet and seems like perfect person and always agreeing with me and being happy…yet she was ALWAYS on her phone and very controlling of her phone and suspicious how she was sleeping with it and all sorts…anyways, the whole time, even from first week I realized after finally going through her phone 2 years later, she had been talking trash about me to her mom, and all her family and friends…when we are together I think she’s happy…yet she’s complaining about me. Yet, she knows I’m an empath and I’m CONSTANTLY asking her how she feels and I’m very overly concerned about her, and I’m very transparent and she agreed she would be transparent but she never is…she did say one day “I know I have problems communicating and need to communicate better, it’s hard for me to open up and express emotion”…which I took as just being hurt.
Ugh anyways I’m tired of typing already because I’ve been typing to her for years only to be gaslit and not heard and so now I hate typing but the point is that this video finally explains almost everything about her…including things that I’m like well maybe she’s not one because nobody mentioned XYZ…like when you mentioned they are materialistic but will say they aren’t or say that they are independent and don’t need anyone…SHE CONSTANTLY WOULD SAY THAT TO ME, even when the situation didn’t call for that response. Yet she was always complaining to people about how much I didn’t do when I did everything for her…for instance, she knew I was in law school and didn’t have much money and I told her that, and that I wanted to get her a PROMISE RING because she made a comment about it….well, she wanted a $20,000 promise ring…not even an engagement ring. And she gaslit about it when I was saying things like I’d love to get you the ring of your dreams but I can’t afford it right now and I just want to get something right now that’s more symbolic because you said you don’t even care about the ring it’s the meaning behind the ring which I agree with…and she would make me feel crazy saying I’m selfish and i don’t love her because I won’t buy her a ring yet I told her look I’ll even spend $2,000 on a promise ring which I originally was expecting $150-200 because it’s more about just the idea of commitment and not an engagement yet…and said I’ll graduate in 1 year so I’ll buy you something when we have money.
$20k ring….Jesus man….she already took me for so much money…which is now debt as a student loan. I’m so stupid. This is the second time in my life, but I see the signs for the first one now. And I saw the signs for this one from the first month but she was very good at using my insecurities against me….I have also been going to counseling for years and she’d ask me what we discussed in counseling which is none of her business but I’d share anyways trying to bond with her and she’d use it against me later on.
Anyways just wanted to thank you because I was feeling weak again after 3 months and almost considered being so lonely since I worked up the courage to leave her…it’s been 3 months and she still contacts me daily…she keeps creating new numbers and new email addresses…and I keep blocking them and she keeps making new ones saying please I love you, don’t leave me, I don’t want to be single, I don’t want you to be happy with anyone else….Crazy
But, I just graduated law school…oh which she knew my salary was going to be $200k+ which I was stupid to share with her but I did it looking back to try and impress her and it was unhealthy motivations for me. But I’m working on myself. So, jokes on her
❤ thank you ❤
Thank you for stating and explaining this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon
I can spot them fairly quick . Just ended it with one after dating for two weeks and it was fantastic. But i saw the flags. Then the nonsense overreactions got out of hand ....i knew it ! Also she was georgeous, gaslighting me...but i knew.
Good for you 👏🏾👏🏾
Your vids are really good, and you are very beautiful. ☺
Spot on!!!
They can make a husband of their own children, friends, parents, cable man, a cat or dog, and yes even a washing machine. They can love anything that gives supply.
Yes, yes, and dead on YES!!!
Yeah all the time they are just not really assertive they rarely say sorry they always play the victim card it’s a shadow of the victim card
This is so true
Together with your neglectful narc videos this is the absolute best material on covert narcissism. Thank you so much!!) Indeed, a most detailed discription of my ex wife)) I wish all this was available 10 years ago... Oh, could you somehow put a system to your videos (numbers? dates?). Right now I can only tell them apart without watching by the color of your tshirt))
Thank you.
Very helpful straight forward counsel - thank you - starting over at 60 and seeking advice/knowledge (hope) - kind regards, sean
You got kicked out of Hell. Recognize that. You are in a better situation even if it doesn’t always feel that way. Focus on yourself. Find yourself again. Good luck, buddy.
@@dmil843 Thank you - really needed that today - be well and ty again - cheers, sean
Great video, you have described my little ex narcy girlfriend to a T..She would say (I dont like myself) she has a network of people manipulated into her web of deception. She disgarded/ghosted me, and i got a message on the cell, saying hey im sorry, i didnt think we would get so close, and you know i have my demons. Crazy...is a understatement.
6 years of it. It’s only in the last year I caught in. Been no contact now for only two weeks. Unreal. So spot on.
Love your videos! 🙏
Lady you got them 👍
I was married to one briefly. She pushed quickly to marry and was saying I love you within 2 weeks. I saw red flags even in the beginning but they are good at covering up and claiming projection and constantly gaslighting. She’s a beautiful woman especially for her age. She lives a false life though Facebook portraying what she wants others to believe yet very few people really know her. She lived an entire separate life from our marriage. I “believe” she took her wedding ring off once she left the house. It was shocking to find out what she truly did to me before I kicked her out and changed the locks. She roofied me and slept with a singer from a local wine bar in my house. She was meeting men behind my back when she claimed she was at work. She slept with her married attorney going through the divorce to pay her debt and gain leverage in court. And yes they ask a lot about the person in their life to simply use it against them later. You will find out you know little about them in the end since they like to keep their past a secret. And they have zero ability to connect. I asked her (again she was my wife briefly) to head to the bedroom to make love. Her response (which I didn’t get at that moment) was “I don’t make love, I fu.k.” And simply because she doesn’t have the ability to make love-that is a connection. I am baffled that she reached out to me through the divorce under a fake account on Facebook. She proceeded to tell me things about herself. Again she claimed to be a scorned woman that was mad at my wife for ruining her marriage. That part was very bizarre. She told me so many things about her and not sure what could have been true or if it was all lies and if so, why?
My x gf to a tee. My intuition just said something isn’t right.
I’ve watched A LOT of narcissist video in the past 2 months since being discarded. This was by far the hardest to watch 😢 it wasn’t even like you’re describing in general terms, it’s like you’re specifically talking about my ex, point for point and its gut wrenching to know how a person I loved so completely played me and never saw me as a human being
My best friend was getting so much Narc supply off my wife I started freaking out and threw him out of our lives. He is now playing the victim card , he was love bombing my wife and turning her into a narc
Thanks. 👍
Are these narcissists conscious of what they are doing? It’s sad to know that people are out there consciously hurting others ☹️
YES THEY KNOW.BUT THE ABSENCE OF EMPATHY,SYMPATHY,&A HOST OF OTHER REDEEMABLE TRAITS ALLOWS THEM TO INFLICT GREAT HARM WITHOUT CONSIDERATION😪
They know exactly what they are doing. It's all calculated. Facts.
I personally believe the answer is yes and no. Sometimes they do know ,even when it seems unlikely. But other times I think it's force of habit.
@@melwill9868 I agree, I found out myself that I am not paranoid, that certain behaviors were deliberate. I felt stupid for not figuring it out sooner. I suspected instinctively but didn't know for sure.
That's the big question--if they do, they would never admit it to it. At some point I had to abandon the question because it was not only unanswerable, it didn't really matter. What mattered is how I felt in response to that treatment. They are "master manipulators," but I don't believe it's necessarily all plotted out--it's just the way they operate, it's the air they breathe, and to them their behavior is egosyntonic; that is, it makes perfect sense to them and is justified in their minds.
I am on no contact with the covert narcissist in my life. I've known him over 8 yrs. I'm a Super Empath and I told him what he was.
This is so true, I have had a covert narcissist harass me for 20 years, very smart and rich, off course I encouraged it at first, seemed your luck was in, me coming from a poor background. I was very stupid and naive but there was so many red flags! I can’t believe now I was so stupid! But for the last 14 years I have done nothing and she suddenly come back 8 years ago and my God! Now she knows I am on to her, her mask has really slipped off! They are complete nutters, they will mirror you copy things you have and are very vengeful even though nothing has happened for the last 14 years. When I tried to get evidence she will disappear for a while always a step ahead and always was even early on. Even my dash cam camera hasn’t caught anything as I only put it on