What You Don't Know About Attachment!
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- čas přidán 8. 09. 2024
- When we talk about attachment I find that we automatically think about someone being overly attached. Maybe it’s because the word itself “attachment” means to feel affection, fondness, or sympathy for someone or something. And sure there are four attachment styles (based on John Bowlby’s Theory of Attachment, Mary Ainsworth’s research, and Main & Solomon’s studies) These 4 types are: secure, insecure avoidant, insecure ambivalent, and disorganized, but we seem to focus on the overly attached components of these styles and forget all about those of us who are insecure avoidant, disorganized, or even ambivalent. If we fall into those styles of attachment it means that we never felt that we could count on our caregiver, or they sent us mixed messages about whether we could or not. Therefore, when we are in distress we don’t look for outside support, instead we can withdraw and isolate ourselves. Many of my patient’s who have these styles of attachment will state that they can only count on themselves, believing that others will just let them down. Or they are too afraid of being hurt, that it’s better to not count on anyone else.
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Holy shit, this is spooky relevant to me. I had about 3 relationships total that didn't end completely bad but all of them very superficial. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention!!
"Some people don't deserve to be trusted" Thank you for saying out loud!
Unfortunately, that has been my experience with 99.99% of people. Even then, eventually that 0.01% will also betray that trust, so what is left?
@Ninja Briana We can't blame anyone, but we should never close out hope in such times, when we feel alone. And have to have that approach, that hopeful(even thought everything is broken), keep hope and just keep being a decent person, you will attract the good people, it takes time.
@Ninja Briana Incorrect.
Ninja Briana Unfortunately, seldom are we looking for such. In fact, after while there comes a point where you cease looking for anyone at all, and yet still you only encounter people who will betray you. I have only ever encountered a handful of people that I would consider reasonably trustworthy in my entire life. It doesn’t help matters that when childhood abuse has left one an empath that many of the worst sorts of people end up seeking us out rather than we seeking them (and unlike good/reasonable people, those persons only ever take and deal abuse out, they never give anything positive back in exchange for what is given them until you eventually have to cut them off).
You can trust all people, after you learn about them. But what can you trust them to do? Politicans to lie. Theives to steal. Parents to... .
I think all people should go through brief introduction to attachments before they make babies so they now how crucial the childhood is in terms of forming a person.
O'SSEIN, agreed!!
YESSS! I always think this
O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me Maybe it will be mandatory to couples in the future I can see this happening
Even if parents saw this they would not be able to change their attachment style.
Sadly some parents don't care about how the children feel.
For all my life I've had a fear of abandonment with no idea why and ended up reading about emotional upbringings a few weeks ago. It opened my eyes that I probably had inconsistent caretaking which leads to being very clingy and it made SO much sense regarding my attachment issues. I go from feeling I have to be on my own, to wanting to cling desperately to people. Add in codependency and, boy, is it a party. This really helped shed more light, especially with traumas, so thank you!
I'm in my late 30s, and it just occurred to me that any relationship I've ever had, whether it be familial or romantic, has never been worth the effort.
I just turned 40 and have also realized this. I have wasted a lot of my precious time.
im 25 and im relizing that already....
I work in the medical field and solely focused in school and post grad, I just turned 29, went on my first date…. It’s actually very common for medical professionals to wait until they’re finally settled in their career.
It’s been a beautiful journey, I met my current boyfriend, both taking it very slow, absolutely adore each other, connecting deeply. I think more people should wait until they know who they are until they feel ready. I’m not perfect but it just feels right from my experience, I’m glad I waited
I've had a very hard time forming relationships, especially romantic ones. It's probably not surprising that I have a ton of trauma and grew up in an environment with addicted parents. I finally consistently got into therapy at 31 and have been really trying to grow and force myself to date because I know I don't want to be alone forever. But man. The work is tough.
Love how she always includes herself when talking about the things wo go through or whats on our mind!
It just gives me a feeling of being understood and hope to overcome the struggles I have, thank you so much Kati ❤️
I have schizoaffective disorder, anxiety disorder, social isolation, depression and one doctor said "delusions." I prefer to be alone now even though I used to be in a band and after that I played acoustic guitar and used to sing at big parties all the time. Something snapped inside me. I`m trying to get disability and am terrified because I have to have a hearing before a judge and he gets to decide whether I live or die. If I can`t get help I simply refuse to stay on this planet. I wish this cloud wasn`t hanging over my head. It isn`t helping my condition. My sister helps me but she`s 70 years old with diabetes, physical problems and kidney disease. I shouldn`t have to be thinking about ways to escape this nightmare in America. I really don`t want to die. I just want peace.
Please don't die Tom. I know you don't know me but goddamn- trust me when I say I have those same issues! Add in ptsd and that's me. Last October I almost resorted to ending my life with the medications I was taking for depression, anxiety, rage, and delusions. It wasn't like all the other times I wanted to die. I had it all planned out. It was the scariest moment of my life. I didn't want to die, either, Tom. But holy hell, I didn't want to continue living such a horrible existence! Because let's face it. It's not living, is it? I get it. I really do. But you aren't alone in your pain. Its hard most times, but life is here for us to have SOME kind of real joy and peace. Please don't die.
I don't hate being around people and I do believe that I have 2 best friends who are really supportive and I can rely on but whenever things start getting bad, I always isolate myself and completely ignore them. I know that it's wrong but I'd rather be the 'bad person' in a relationship and avoid others than show my vulnerable side. I'm always like " I can handle it on my own" even though I know I can't. Also, having bad relationship with my parents makes everything worse. I am trying to move out asap but at the same time I am so attached to my parents that I always feel guilty about leaving them behind/alone. I say that I love them but at the same time I can't bring myself to feel happy around them. My emotions are so jumbled up that I can't even explain them
(random guy on internet ...) Sounds like trauma bonding, and narcissistic (self value, self love and self care) damage. Preventing development into the rest of Maslows Heriarchy of needs. It stops development into self sufficiency, self care (deficiency needs, that get stronger as they not met) before you get to growth needs of self actualisation, they get stronger as you feed them. Creation, self fulfilment.
Jumbled up feelings come from dissonance perhaps. Feelings you aren't allowed to feel, dissonance you can't avoid because you feel what you feel you should instead. THat will mess with memory too. Splitting those it focuses on into good and bad people, making you good or bad depending on which you remember and let guide your behaviours.
I relate to you so much about this but if u think that u can handle it on your own then trust me you can def handle it on ur own, but still try to keep in touch with a therapist
To add to the conversation: with work, things can get better.
I used to be insecure ambivalent due to a family with inconsistent nurturing, and trauma caused by a sibling and by a school peer which family knew about but didn't resolve or get help with.
After a long while I found a decent therapist and faced my experiences as a child, and moved into a space where I was more secure. It is possible to find a better space.
And as discussed here, there were bumps along the way. Though I was secure enough to let someone into my life more intimately and on a longer term basis, I ended up going through several toxic friendships or relationships before realizing the pattern in place, and where acting on my emotional base was taking me. That led me to turn off relationship seeking for the time being to seek out supportive relationships - of which I have a couple now.
'Many of my clients will state that they can only count on themselves', no truer words were spoken. I relate to that HARD 😂 I'm getting there though. Love this vid, Kati! ♥️
Also, I'm super talented at pushing people away... It's a gift 😂
Pushing people away in fear of being pushed away. Plus, can't stand people
I’m really interested to hear your thoughts about attachment, I hope you’re having a great day Kati!! ❤️
I am having a great day! I hope you enjoyed the video and your week is off to a great start too!!! xoxo
@@Katimorton It makes me so happy to hear that!! I loved the video, and thank you so much!!! It's a bit tough adjusting coming off of spring break, but it's been pretty good and the weather is fantastic
I feel like the importance of parents is overstated in attachment theory. I'm pretty sure I have a tendency towards an unhealthy attachment style, but I don't bring it up because I feel like I would be saying I have a bad relationship with my parents, but I didn't. My parents were always loving and supportive, it was the teachers and kids at my school that I couldn't depend on. Maybe the parental relationships are the most important, but at some point they can't counteract being rejected by nearly everyone else.
In the video she's careful to specify "caregivers" because that includes more than just parents, like other relatives, babysitters or teachers etc. Your experience is valid and I hope you can trust a professional to share
@@deli.rat. For me it's totally parents and their shitty personalities and bad parenting. I hate both of them for ruining my life.
Martian Pudding I think you're right but having parents that don't love you means you don't have that support either, so every rejection confirms their lack of love as being justified because "it really is just me". It becomes innate and interferes in every interaction with people. At least that's how it goes with me. I also think that in our times some people in general have become so judgmental and quick to criticize that they have squeezed out kindness, empathy,and love for others.
@@valzin2012 Exactly. Thank you!
@@valzin2012 I think parents are probably the leading cause of unhealthy attachments, but I think it's an oversimplification to say that attachment style is a direct result of parenting only.
After watching this video, I've realized how much I've grown from the attachment behaviors I once had. Never really occured to me. That's awesome. ☺️
Ross E. YAY!!! 😺
My 8yr old has an attachment disorder, I had him whilst I was being treated for PTSD, aswell has having an emergency c-section. Although I tried to hide my PTSD from my kids, it turns out my situation at that point, unfortunately didn't help + my son was diagnosed with ADHD + an attachment disorder. It makes him insecure, esp if I'm away working and he's home, he believes no one loves him + he's worthless, which is not true but he can't help thinking that way. He is very much loved + I try my hardest with getting him the help he needs but like you say, trust is the issue. I'm an ex psychology student, so I know the theories but I didn't see this coming. I can be the best person and the worst at the same time for my son, I am his trigger, which has been pointed out by therapists too. He's under a great therapist and she has helped myself + my son heal. I know it will take a long time but we will get there. He's only just understanding himself. There was nothing 'bad' persae for this to happen, it was just a build up of situations at that point..I don't think people talk much about attachment disorders that happen through non-abusive situations. so thankyou for this.
Unmumsy Musings - Josephine_, at least you understand and can support him. Just a suggestion: ask him what he needs you to do to help him. I recall telling my mom at an early age what I needed from her. She was unwilling to meet me half way until she realized that her sixteen year old had given up on any attachment at all with her. Your son wants to fix this issue inside him; it's so important.
I have a 4 year old and was diagnosed with ptsd when I left her abusive father when she was born. I've really struggled and pray that she will come out of this ok. Sending hugs 💗
Janine White, yeah, I wanted so badly to protect my son and keep anything bad from happening to him. Impossible. I couldn't protect him when his father had an affair and left. I couldn't protect him from the pain when his grandmother died from cancer. I couldn't protect him when his father told us that he'd been diagnosed with throat cancer on the very day his grandmother died....nor from my unavailability when I was a single parent working two jobs. It was tough!!! Thank God, he appears to have come through it.
@@catnc1 for sure! I'm always asking, I make sure he knows his feelings are valid too. he's doing horse therapy at the moment and loves it
@@janinewhite5438 oh jeez! I'm so sorry to hear this. sending lots of love and positivity your way x
Kati you are at the top of my list of resources when I need mental/emotional clarity
thanks for this video, it describes me perfectly, my parents always fought, my father was violent and my mom never reported him to the police. I spent my teens years practically alone, without friends, every person I met stabbed me in the back and made me feel bad ... not to be invited to birthday parties, to be chosen last in the gym ...
I can't have friends, or maybe I don't want to.
Your words made me understand that my feelings are valid and that there is also a lack for me ... sooner or later I will be able to trust others.
My attachment started with the death of my son. I was so scared to live in fear I’d just lose it again. We discovered I needed to attach to the right lobe of my brain where relationships and connection functions. I disconnected from my brain to survive my sons death. Once I attached to the right lobe of my brain my ability to truly attach to my husband was restored. It was pretty magical.My husband is avoidant and I am anxious. We’ve had to do so much work to create safety in our marriage to undo this cycle so we can communicate and do opposite of our nature.
Michelle Ellsworth Hi Michelle. My heart goes out to you so much. I'm sorry for your loss. You and your husband have endured every parents worst nightmare. I'm so so glad you are getting the help you need. I pray you and your family have a wonderful future. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Not that this video is directly calling me out or anything...😬
I would never!! hahaha!! But really.. you aren't alone, and many kinions asked for this topic. So there's that :) xoxo
Hi TK just want to say how things and hope things are ok I thank you also because you are the only person that has ever left me a reply comment on a video I see you are popular on this channel aswell honestly myself would like and be thankful for a comment from Katie such a calm voice helps with my anxiety love her videos p.s are you from the USA anyway thank you for connecting with me a couple of times on this channel I'm from UK but I need and would like to talk about similar health issues with someone who understands and cares was nice meeting you👍
😄✌
Nikki Mckay of course! I’m just glad I could help! I am from the US & I’m very involved with the Kinion Community. They are also on Facebook in the group KATI (it’s a private group & a safe space) as well as on Kati’s Patreon page! www.patreon.com/katimorton
@@_just_TK thank you for replying back I had a feeling you was from the us also yes I am thankful and means a lot that your comments or replies are helpful I think it's great you are very involved with the Katie community and wow you are top commenter aswell I follow Katie's posts on Facebook I watch her CZcams videos but I'm not involved in the community I did request to join the katii health group on Facebook as I pretty much don't have or talk to anyone about my struggle s so I'll check that nice to talk with you again TK👍
This video was really helpful for me. I’ve used the insecure avoidance method for most of my life. Now I’m in my mid 20’s and having difficulties with romantic and non romantic relationships.
It makes so much sense that part of why I'm asocial is because I grew up with a highly dysfunctional family and had the sub consciences mindset that having family or friends is a negative experience.
Your personality is reassuring and comforting. ❤
I love hearing Kati's voice.
I can feel u are changing me as a person each day...
Thank u for discussing this concept.
Quite helpful for first year psychology student. 🤓
Thank you for that video!
I agree I would like to connect with people but hold myself back. I learned as a child to only speak when spoken to, to be safe. I like your detective tips because I automatically look for reasons to flee, but should look closer for reasons to stay. I want to be less nervous and trust my boss because she helps me learn and fix mistakes and told me not to worry humans are not perfect.
I’m italian and now we are living an orribile moment due to the corona virus 🦠 and thanks to this video I had the chance to free my mind for a wile
Ugh, we need to be careful with that uncomfortable feeling at the beginning of a relationship - it might be our gut feeling sending the alarm about red flags that we don't realize yet fully. Unfortunately that goes away too - talking of experience! :( Be a detective about that feeling too!
Wow. You're amazing! This is hard stuff, and you presented it gently with empathy. This info helped me understand myself a bit more. Thank you.
This related to me very strongly, sometimes it’s hard tho having: ADHD, PTSD, depression and anxiety telling which one causes what especially bc they all play off of one another, it would be nice if you could do some sort of video talking about how one mental disorder affects others if that makes any sense
Just know you are not alone, and things can get better. 😊
SIde note: I have followed you since 100k and just clicked back randomly and found you again... YOU'RE ALMOST AT 1MIL !!
Thank you Kati
Hi Kati!
Thank you so much for the videos! I feel like I'm at the same time learning psychology and having a therapy lesson.
Keep being awesome with your knowledge, smile, and advice
You really are a role model, and I know I can learn a lot from you 😊
Awe thank you. I am so glad I could be a helpful resource!!! I hope you love the video!! xoxo
@@Katimorton you can bet on it! 😋
hey Kati, I wanted to thank you for all your videos. my therapist and I watch your videos all the time and it really helps us connect and actually get somewhere with my mental illnesses. so thank you for that! 💜💜💜
Hey Katie....Your videos makes me feel better about myself...sometimes they sound spooky...rest of the times...they just sound fair...there are times when I don't get them...but Yea they make me feel wiser...i am glad You exist
Solution: reparenting.
Yes!! This can help so much!! xoxo
I generally parent myself
How do you reparent if you never had a good role model to teach you what a parent should be?
Well done intro video. Worked with a therapist to identify and address past trauma around these issues. Not an easy journey but so worth it.😍
how do you do reparenting? does it have to be with a therapist?
i isolate myself a lot. especially with covid its become even more common for me to do. i really want to get to know someone, even just one person. but, paranoid thoughts and anxiety make that hard too. consistantly telling myself that they don't actually want to hang out or whatever it is, and i end up believing it. always looking for videos from you on paranoid thoughts, but this video helped a lot. thank you
Some of us didn't come from loving families, and/or been around quality people to have healthy relationships with growing up. And, older people like me never had the internet or CZcams growing up, we had to wing it all by ourselves.
It would help to understand those of us that have the opposite problem. Those of us who, after we do get to know someone and trust them, become attached (fall in love) only to find out they have a mental health problem for which we need counseling. We are told over and over its a defect in our childhood. That we need self-care, self-love, or some other self-help. I dont see it that way. You can love yourself just fine and still become attached to someone you become fond of. And I dont see that as a fault except that our authentic attachment is to someone who cant bond with anyone.
😊Kati you’re videos are a ‘must watch’.😊
Awe yay!! I hope they help :) xoxo
Sooo helpful. Thank you Kati!!
I was busy watching another video and as soon as I saw your notification I stopped to watch this! I love this topic. Thank you! Love from South Africa🇿🇦❤️
Awe yay!! I hope it's helpful :) xoxo
Hi Kati , thanks for the video. I hope you and Sean are staying safe. Take care , Gary
Thanks Kati. This video is helpful.
This totally explains me. Keep to myself and protect myself.
Me too.
Thank u Kati. This is so me and I have been working with my therapist on this away. I feel this way all the time. Tina never made me feel wanted. She would tell me that she never wanted me around. I just started hanging around with some people not alot.
Trust No One ... the motto of my life.
If you trust ANYONE, you will be judged.
Trapped in relationship where honesty will only lead to them leaving.
Thank you for this video
Thank you, you are the first person to point out limited attachment to me. I knew I had something like this but didn't know if it was just me. Even with my favorite person in my life my sister I don't feel attached. Thank you for letting me know about this. Know that I know what it is I can target it and get through this struggle. Thank you again this has and will continue to be a huge help.
This video spoke so much to me. I have had to FORCE myself to try to connect. Even recently after it took so much to be willing to reach out for super, I've been "ignored" which makes it even harder... but this video reminds me of the importance of continuing in therapy AND trying to allow myself to connect with some kind of support team even if I'm let down. Thanks for your time/research in this one :)
Such a great and much needed video. Thank you!
Hi Kati! I've been watching your videos everyday since I found your channel 2 weeks ago, they really help me understand the things I'm going through. I watch your vids on my work breaks, when i wake up and before i tuck in for the night. So glad I found you!
Baulx Welcome to the Community!
@@_just_TK thank you!
Thank you so much Kati! You seem really professional and friendly at the same time💛 Also, I think you shouldn't say you're sorry if a video is a bit more long than usual, 'cause I'm sure it's not a big deal for people who are interested in the topic; at all💫
I just have to thank you I've been dealing with depression for a very long time with no help. I was having pretty bad week i even made a poem about ending my life. But some how one of your videos pop up in my feed. Then I started watching bunch of your videos on how to deal with it and how to get help. Which should of happened a good 14 years ago when I was in high school. But I've been to afraid to ask. but I finally made appointments with a counselor.Thanks you probably saved my life
My therapist was talking about this with me today
Biggest love to you Kati x Thank you for all of your guidance x
😭 my first dating experience definitely made me relearn myself. This video just checked me (in a loving way) 😭
In the past I have always pushed people away, even in times they needed me or I needed them. But I've made a lot of progress since then. My first boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, one day before my birthday, and instead of just curling up in my bed I went to university today and told two close friends there about my situation and it was such a relief that they actually listened and were extremely caring and sweet. Even though the break up in itself sucks, it's also healing because it made me reach out. The last part of the video also resonates with me, while my now ex boyfriend is most certainly not a bad person, he was not up to part with my openness when it comes to emotions and relationship problems, he would often try to just ignore the problems away, while I was struggling to solve them by myself for the both of us. It's pretty much the same dynamic that was present in my household when I was growing up.
I just feel like I did all of that... I let him in slowly, started building trust and intimacy slowly... and then he broke up with me. It's so hard. Not only does it feel like I won't be able to trust any man ever again, but also as if I can't trust myself and my own intuition - I had such a good feeling about him, and so did my friends.
Oh and btw, I am in therapy and my therapist also didn't see it coming and thought I did everything right in terms of building trust slowly...
I'm so glad the world has Kati
No this video isn’t calling me out at all😬! Thank you so much for this! I really needed this video! Have a wonderful week Kati!
Wow, this video gave me a lot to think about and clarity on the life I find myself in. My relationship went from feeing so comfortable in the beginning but I found myself swimming in this toxic soup and unable to find a spoon. He would always say "just keep swimming, just keep swimming." I am tired of swimming in polluted waters. It's not right for either of us. I don't want to remain damaged and in turn toxic to those I love. I pushed everyone in my life that meant the most away to protect them from my toxicity. Thank you for all you do to highlight mental health in a positive way I have been using alot of techniques from your videos and I see progress not alot yet but I'm trying chip away at a lifetime of yuck. I have a long long long way to go but at least I feel like I can get up, I will get better, I will find me. Can't thank you enough. Sending lots of love -🌈AI
LearningToBe KindToMyself remember what Kati always says “it’s a process not perfection!”
LearningToBe KindToMyself also LOVE your name!!!
It’s so weird how a video can come out right when u need it . I’m currently going through a hard breakup w a guy who is so fun loving like my father but not a good person. This confirmed my thoughts to stop dating certain people and to not go back to him currently
As always, Kati delivers! I love all your videos! Thank you!
I know what you mean when you talk about seeking unhealthy relationships because of past trauma. Sometimes I think what the mind wants more than anything else is predictability, maybe more than pleasure, and often bad predictability.
My experience is that people only care. and listen when they intend to make a report.
Maybe people can be and are friendly.
I relocated from an art colony to a blue collar culture.
I'm used too this culture now.
It's so eye opening to look at attachment styles! Spent a long time not knowing I was avoidant attachment. Very useful research. I can see your strong link to CBT! keep up the good videos.
Thank you Katie! This gave me renewed strength to keep working on my attachment issues. I have people in my life now that I can trust but it is still so hard for me to open up. My therapist taught me, like you said, to use evidence to determine if I can trust instead of my automatic reaction to avoid. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the idea of building on these relationships and want to stay in my old ways of feeling alone but safe. But I need to remember that I don't need to feel that way anymore and get use to these new things I'm learning. ♥️👍
Thank you sooooo much. I work on 7 Cups and this message is one of the most consistent one I tell. Along with love yourself and serenity prayer this point is critical for understanding our complex human behaviors. Great!
Thank you for your videos, Kati. Met you via your videos with Shane and I liked the way you were around mental health and communicating difficult topics. Keep up the good work, I've already binged your videos and I appreciate them 🙌🎉🎂🙏🐱 Take care
Thanks for uploading a helpful video good stuff
I just pushed away someone who was the complete opposite of the guys I’ve dated. He was kind and consistent and honest, completely not my type but I felt drawn to him. But thanks to my attachment anxiety I took it too far and lost him… at least I know now why and can start the real work to heal this. I’m just sad I had to loose him in order to find out what I have to do to have a healthy romantic relationship. 😢
Thank you for this, definitely opened my eyes to a weakness I didn't know I had.
Thank for making these videos. Keep going!
Of course!! I am so glad you like them :) xoxo
Oh my gosh you’ve done it again! This video came had a great time! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom Katie!!
Loving your T-shirt Kati ♥️ Love the colour and the sparkle🙏🏼
Your information is nuanced!
I needed this today. Thank you :)
Hi everyone. Thanks kati for your input on the subject, it's great.
Just wanted to add, based on personal experience, that attachement problems do not only take root in trauma or shit caregivers.
I tend to consider that mine have been the consequence of events / circonstances that would probably not have been a big deal for most people. Actually being HSP with very high emotionnal empathy & INFJ did lead to reactions usually linked to trauma / abuse / neglect because my subjective perception of it was so intense. Even if it wasn't any of it, if i analyse the facts.
As someone with BPD and past trauma (although I have struggled to identify this as "real trauma" because it was never physical or sexual) this explains most of my adult relationships. I am working on trying to create healthy intimate relationships but I think it will take a long time. I am in private that is long term for the first time in years and I am hopeful that I will be able to mould my relationships into what I want them to be.
Thanks for another great video. Tami
I agree with lots of what you said and it´s funny cus I just came home from therapy where we talked bout this. I am not so convinced about the "talking about trauma in all detail" thing though. I think it could be helpful for some ppl but very harmful for others or just unnecessary. Yes, you kinda need to let it go and usually that comes along with some meaning, but that doesn´t mean you need to have told a coherent story. Also trauma can be one aspect of it and I agree with that and it´s important, but I kinda missed that you didn´t talk about neglect as well. I think that can be a big part of feeling just helpless in trying to connect and being very vulnerable and unstable in relationships.
Neglect is a form of trauma - emotional or psychological trauma. Trauma has a rather large tent and comes in many forms unfortunately, but they all fall under the umbrella of trauma.
This video came in the right time! 💕
What if my parents were never abusive, but I still relate with the whole "can't trust anyone, push everyone away" thing...? 😳
I was just thinking about it the other day. As an introvert, I like being alone, but I've found that being alone all the time is really bad for my already crappy mental health. Even so, I can never seem to be able to build meaningful relationships. I'd always thought it was due to my social anxiety, but I see a lot of people out there who are socially anxious and still have good friends and lovers, so...
Anyway, the video was very interesting as always! Thank you for posting it!
Could you do a video on age conflic or trauma conflict in relationships?
Protection is the only way to make sure you don't get hurt. That's why I have bought a home,live by myself. I don't get triggered when I stay inside of my house
Thank you.
Oh how I wish I could have you help me with my issues and how to not have feelings for someone when you know you shouldn't ugh I love you videos your so kind and amazing
I love you Katie! Your videos are always amazing and I am a huge fan!!!
Thank you for this. A green light went off in my head and I think I’ll look for a therapist tomorrow.
Kristen Davis yay!!!!!
Wow, this hits home. Thank you for this, Kati. This makes a lot of sense.
2:30 there is no acting to that. There is certain knowledge of, not preference. Safety. Many reckon being alone is the worst thing. Being in a family full of people that want and need you too feel alone, isolated and cut off is worse. Where the only people you can reach out to, want to abandon, and blame you for it, like you are being manipulative to ask for help. When you reach out officically, to be told you're just a bit confused. You're a boy and aware you have emotions, just forget you have those. It'll be fine after. You are still at fault.
There's no act to thinking its better alone. It is.
Kati, you're such a good teacher :)
Thank you Kati
Angel hugs and blessings to you and yours 💜💜💜
Good talk🙏Thank's
Attachment has always been complicated for me. When I was very young I was so attached to my mother that I had extreme separation anxiety any time I was away from her. Then there was pushing people away because I was so used to everyone leaving I didn’t expect them to stay anyway. My husband fortunately never left no matter what I did and we’ve been married 24 years. Then there’s the attachment that comes with my OCD where I become attached to a person, singer, or character from a show or book that it becomes obsessive. I need to be very careful not to cross that line because the obsessing become overwhelming and all consuming. I’m afraid to tell my therapist that she is one of those people I struggle with because I don’t want her to say she can’t see me anymore. Which of course brings me full circle to the fear of abandonment.
Monica Bliss you need to be honest with your therapist. Transference is a completely normal part of therapy. If you’re not sure where to start, u can read this comment out loud in therapy or send them a screenshot!
TK so I did tell my therapist about this through email because I won’t be seeing her until next week. I had to do it now while I was brave enough however now the neurotic part of my brain is like well I can never go back there again. I guess I’m embarrassed. I know it’s not rational.
Monica Bliss SOOOO PROUD of u for messaging ur therapist!!!!! Hang in there & GO TO UR NEXT APPT!! You GOT THIS!! ❤️❤️❤️
Yay Monday video!!! I’ve been so sick and this has brightened my day up x thanks Kati
You're doing an amazing job katie.
Your presentation is so easy to understand and relatable.
I always wanted to be a psychologist and your inspire me more to pursue it.
Thanks😊
Kati, this by far has been one of the best discussions. Sometimes I wonder about the power of thought because this is something I need to look into. 💜
Hi, thank you for your openness & sharing your skills & knowledge.
QUESTION??
Where does finding your worth in your work? Fulfill ones emptiness or identity, fall into 4 ATTACHMENTS??? Really like to know this one?
Please and thank you 🤔
Decent advice yet again. Thank you Kati 👍