What Is A Modern Gentleman? | How To Be A Gentleman in 2020 | Speaking Style Podcast
Vložit
- čas přidán 4. 07. 2024
- What does it mean to be a modern gentleman? It's a HUGE topic that includes not only menswear and menswear-related issues, but a whole host of men's lifestyle and etiquette considerations as well. Justus and I decided to jump right into the deep end in the second episode of the Speaking Style podcast, and tackle the question of how to be a modern gentleman, what is a gentleman, and how to be a gentleman to a woman (full disclosure: we're going to devote an entire episode to that in the future with some female guests joining us). Enjoy the discussion and be sure to chime in down below in the comments with your thoughts on what it means to be a modern gentleman today.
0:00 - Speaking Style, Ep. 002
0:43 - Tie Knots For Knit Ties
3:42 - Thoughts On Pini Parma
5:50 - Watches We're Wearing (And Lusting After)
10:56 - Feedback From First Episode
12:59 - What Is A Modern Gentleman?
14:03 - How Much Does How You Dress Matter?
17:41 - Funny & Horrifying Encounters With Nick Wooster
24:11 - How Many Suits Do You Need?
25:19 - The Role Of Character & Positivity
27:54 - The Year Of The Gentleman Post
30:09 - When To Talk Politics
33:32 - Phone Etiquette
35:50 - How To Treat A Woman
39:43 - Why Do Germans Complain So Much?
42:18 - Handshakes
43:22 - On Not Being A Jerk Online
51:37 - Where To Go From Here?
Join the community as an insider:
hespokestyle.com/newsletter-s...
Shop essential menswear:
hespokestyle.com/shop/
Browse the essential men’s style library:
kit.co/hespokestyle/essential...
---
NEW VIEWER? START HERE
• New Here? This Is A Gr...
---
WHO AM I? GET TO KNOW ME BETTER:
5 Things I Regret Buying The Most
• Top 5 Things I Regret ...
Reacting To Your Assumptions About Me
• Reacting To Your Assum...
5 Things I Wish I Knew In My 20s
• 5 Things I Wish I Knew...
---
CONNECT WITH ME
Website: hespokestyle.com/
Instagram: / hespokestyle
TikTok: / hespokestyle
Pinterest: / hespokestyle
Facebook: / hespokestyle
For business inquiries and to work with Brian Sacawa or He Spoke Style, please email Ms. Stephanie Barron at stephanie@estatefive.vip.
Contains affiliate links // Stay tailored!
#modern #gentleman #etiquette - Jak na to + styl
“Dressing well is a form of good manners.” - Tom Ford
Great quote
true words
I always intuitive assumed or thought that without ever hearing that quote, makes all the sense.
You are by far one of the sharpest dressed men on the internet.
You’re very kind. Appreciate the support.
I think an element of being a "gentleman" is a quality of timelessness. A gentleman thinks broadly or globally...beyond his current time... this tends to be expressed not only through outward appearance but also their perception of how the world should be... to the point that you could place them at almost anytime in history (within reason) and they'd somehow fit.
So more etiquette and manners based?
@@hespokestyle I believe Marc is suggesting more of an individual's ideology towards the direction of society and the betterment of people, which is then expressed in actions. A lot of actions can be complimented with etiquette and manners. For example, a gentleman's mindset might led him to take action to feed the hungry, assist the homeless, inform the ill informed, champion a movement or help those in need regardless of the time period. (I think this is what he meant, but I could be wrong)
@@armandcuret1 I can totally see that. Appreciate you chiming in, Armand.
@@armandcuret1 absolutely Armand... gentlemenly behavior and style tend to transcend time and age well.
@@hespokestyle etiquette and manner based... but style as well. From what I've seen both gentlemenly behavior and clothing tend to age well... a couple examples would be Frederick Douglass or W.E.B. DuBois.
Love these conversations guys - keep them coming!
My 2 cents on the main topic - I've always believed that being a gentleman has everything to do with how you behave and very little to do with how you dress. A man in a t-shirt and shorts can be an utmost gentleman, in the same way that a man in a beautifully cut tuxedo can be an irredeemable tool. It just so happens that men who are dressed nicely ALSO tend to be men who behave with dignity and treat others well. After all, the whole point of dressing well is to strive for the best version of yourself and to show respect for others. So there tends to be a reasonably high correlation between dressing well and being gentlemanly, but it is often confused for causation.
Very well said! Appreciate you taking the time to comment like that.
striving for the best version of yourself - that is the key to being a gentleman and to me the reason why there's a correlation between dressing well and being gentlemanly as you said. True words!
Being a gentleman it’s beyond the close and all about the man.
Great conversation, a few more points to being a gentleman
- integrity (people want to have and give you their trust)
- life long development towards greatness
- knowing how to defend yourself and people around (people want to know you have thier back and feel safe around you)
Great additions!
@@hespokestyle Everyone wants to see a second video on this and a 30sec short 'top 10 gentlemen traits'
The people have spoken
A well done episode guys! I am really enjoying the flow and banter you two have together (which is especially tricky when the podcast is done over video chat and not recorded in person). I couldn’t agree more with the both of you on this one. Yes, dressing makes you feel a certain way... a well throughout and put together outfit can turn a rough week right around but it can also do that for others. It shows them that you respect them and took the time to look your best for their event, their get-together or even to meet up for a conversation. Respect and attentiveness are absolutely part of being a modern gentlemen, with all the technology and distractions the world gives us today, being able to show someone they have your full attention is paramount. And the best point of the whole podcast; being a gentlemen is not part time! I would love to hear more of your thoughts on this particular subject and hopefully you guys can talk about some good books on being a gentlemen your followers could pick up! Sorry for the long comment but as a fun little ender, WeSpokeStyle would have been a fantastic podcast title in my opinion.
I'm really loving these Brian! The two of you are both very articulate and considerate in your answers and questions, which is lovely and refreshing. The conversation's also becoming more comfortable and natural. Love having these on in the background as I work.
So glad to hear, Finn! Appreciate the comment and support.
Thank you Finn, means a lot hearing that!
I have to admit, I am not really into podcasts, but this is a real joy to listen to. Can´t wait for the next episode!
Awesome! So glad to hear that!
great honor hearing that!
Admitting you're not an expert, you're just sharing your opinion & you're open to learn more... shows the humility & open-mindedness of a gentleman. You didn't list it as that but I recognize it in you. Thank you for this quality content, an entertaining discussion between two modern gentlemen.
I appreciate that!
The perfect podcast I have been waiting for all these years. Please make a wristwatch check every episode and it shall go from 99.9% to 100%. Thanks Brian!
So glad to hear it! We're going to start doing 'fit checks in each episode!
What i really liked is, as the conversation get going, both of you got more comfortable talking and it made the podcast more genuine. Keep doing it👍🏼
Will do! Please subscribe on apple podcasts and consider rating and leaving a review for us! 🙏🏻
I really enjoy conversations like that, wouldn't be mad if you would do more of them. I know, the channel is mainly about satorial topics, but I think topics about the behavour and what we should consider about etiquette are nice too. At least from time to time. Thank you for this great video.
Hey guys! I was recently thinking: I’m usually always in between for your videos. On the one hand they are super precise and spot on, on the other hand I would like to listen to more of your views on style. So, for me, this podcast is really a perfect complement for the usual short info videos you do! Keep up the great work! :)
Awesome! Thank you! Appreciate the support!
I think the core element of being a "gentleman" is a state of mind/being that exudes social confidence, and grace. Because this state of being often inspires a more polished mannerly disposition, and attention to detail, one of the byproducts of that attention to detail is the intentional development of his sense of style as he endeavors to put a better foot forward. Many of the timeless classic pieces of men's fashion lend well to development of personal style. A gentleman may not always wear a suit, but he certainly knows how to should the situation call for it, and he dresses to the occasion, and or environment in which he operates.
Nice video. Keep up the great work Brian.
I really enjoyed this! A good idea to bring in a woman's perspective especially on the "how a gentleman should dress" topic.
Thanks, Chad! Looking forward to having some women on the show.
Pure Gold!!!
Impressive discussion between two gentlemen..keep it up
Enjoyed the discussion. Great job!
Thanks! We're on Apple Podcasts now so you don't have to look at our ugly faces anymore...
Wow the time markers on the video are insane. That's a fantastic feature.
Right?!
Loved this discussion gentlemen!
Podcast Addict is the podcast app that I use and would love to see this series featured on in the future.
Looking forward to the next episode already!
Cheers, Darren
Thanks, Darren. Audio versions are coming soon and will be widely distributed, however, I don't see Podcast Addict on the service we are using for distro.
thank you Darren!
Love you and Justus's podcast chemistry. You guys do great!
Many thanks! We have really enjoyed connecting this way and doing this for you guys.
In my opinion, your podcast profits significantly from your „age gap“ concerning the possibility and potential of different viewpoints on certain topics.
@@-lys-8014 Good point!
@@-lys-8014 I think so too.
thank you John - great hearing that!
This is just so good, keep it up 👏
Thanks, James! Wilco!
Great video Brian! love the suit and the ensemble
Many thanks, Stan!
Great, interesting podcast! More please. Have been following HSS for the great videos already but only knew Justus from Instagram. He‘s so very likeable in this format. Keep up the good work and inspiration👍🏻
More to come!
I love the podcast! Keep it up guys
We will! Thanks for the support!
Great suit, Brian! :) Especially the navy knit tie!
Thanks! Much appreciated!
This is excellent; thank you for doing these. “Be more polite and kind to the people around you.” We could always use more politeness and kindness (especially in the age of social media).
Yes, indeed! Subscribe on Apple podcasts and please consider rating and reviewing if you enjoy!
Thank you for responding. I will!
So, here I am exploring CZcams on the topic of watches (a BIG passion of mine) on a Saturday afternoon and you know how one video can lead to another...and another? :-) Some call them rabbit holes, but today I call it the holy grail! So very glad that I found your CZcams channel- I just followed you on IG and subscribed to your new podcast as well. There's nothing better than finding like-minded folks sharing common interests/passions. I am one of those rare gents in California surrounded by the super casual - who actually loves to wear a suit. So much so, that I have to actively find reasons to wear them since I don't need to wear one for work (VERY casual tech) - but it's all good. Anyway, thanks for the time and energy you have put into this. You have a new fan/follower! :-) I would love to compare notes sometime on both watches and men's style.
Very nice episode. Didn't thought that being gentleman is always giving something to others too, not just be a better yourself. It's a good point of view. Topics can be endless, from watches to fragances, to classic cloth peaces wich are timeless, essential outfits, eyewear, manners... Hope to continue enjoying simple conversations. It's good to offer images which both can talk about, whatever are outfits, cloth peaces, how to or just experiences.
Thanks for the comment, Jose. And for the suggestions!
Looking forward to this conversation, but I first want to say that I came across this niche culture of Gentleman Lifestyle via The Art of Manliness blog. One of the sentiments from that blog is that one must be a man before he can be a gentleman. I highly recommend the blog because although it mentions fashion, it's far more well rounded with content about art, philosophy, literature, workouts, manners, and survival skills.
Thanks, Maria. AOM is an original.
Brian, really loving the episodes, keep them coming but would be great if you upload your podcasts on the major streaming platforms such as Spotify and the lot, as well. Can listen to it on the go too.
We plan on doing that! Just waiting for our cover art to arrive!
Nice! I have a Bond Seamaster. I never saw you rock Omega so it's cool to see you rock them.
Sweet! Yeah, I really like Omega, just never had one before.
That's a great podcast. Please don't change the format. It is perfect as it is.
Thanks so much!
Sapiens is brilliant. I have covered 75% of the book and I am enjoying every bit of it. Extremely objective and often eye opening in parts!
Nice. I need to get into it.
100% agree!
Sometimes it's nice to read a compliment. I thoroughly enjoy not just this video but many others. Have a fine day
Really appreciate that. Thank you.
Loved the episode, you two are my favorite men style influencers 😎 As a watch enthusiast myself, it would be great to hear from you an entire watch episode 😌
Keep up the great work guys,
Cheers, Matteo
Thanks, Matteo! Appreciate the support and feedback. I think having a watch episode would be awesome. Would be really cool to have a guest join us.
@@hespokestyle I agree!
This is my 3rd HSS video today. Very interesting discussion about what makes a gentleman, is it just attitude and values or a combination of that along with how you dress. I would say definitely how you handle yourself and attitude is the biggest component.
I think both Justus and I would agree with you!
@@hespokestyle absolutely!
I NEED those glasses. Looking sharp brother!
Really enjoyed this.
Awesome, thank you!
I very much like the example „helping another person to catch the train“. So true!!
Also min. 34.07: A very important aspect! To really listen to your conversation partner. And to be really interested in what he or she has to say.
You are German, Justus?! Me too but complaining is simply not my style. :) Sorry for the row of comments. Next time I‘ll manage the space better.
Absolutely!
YES!
No problem!
There is a great tie alteration service in New York, called "Tiecrafters". They can shorten and narrow ties, as well as change the lining and obviously dry clean the tie. Highly recommend! Modern ties are ridiculously long!
Good to know! Thanks for the rec.
Late to the party with my comment, but being a modern gentleman starts with how one conducts himself, which includes chivalry, manners, attitude and topped off by a thoughtful style which fits one’s body structure.
Really enjoyed your podcast with Justus. The topic of what makes for a “Modern Gentleman” is an interesting and difficult idea to capture. I like Justus’ concept of a man that is courteous and attentive primarily because it comes from “the inside out.” There are aspects of being a gentleman that are timeless and there are aspects that change over time; but the timeless elements tend to be those that describe ones character. So understanding the importance of being polite, of listening to others, of being open to other people’s ideas are timeless. Paradoxically, while gentlemen dress well and can be accused of being self-centered, the truth is that taking care to dress well and present oneself well is much more an expression of a celebration of life and an invitation for others to join in that celebration
Knowing how to make certain cocktails,
Appreciate the comment, Dan. I think we can all agree that there is an element of timelessness in action that is key to this concept. And what cocktails would those be?
Got cut off there - I guess what I’m trying to say is that to be a gentleman is to offer to the world an invitation to celebrate life. At his core, a gentleman doesn’t dress well as an attempt to be “better than” or above others but it’s a much more inclusive message. A warm firm handshake, looking others in the eye when talking, valuing the perspective of others and genuinely wanting to hear their perspectives are all essential parts of being a “Gentleman.” Manners, attentiveness, and tolerance are essential elements of being a gentleman. Presenting oneself well, dressing well, to me, is a subtle declaration that I am a gentleman. I value you and will treat you with respect.
To answer your question about cocktails, I would include martinis (gin and vodka) - manhattan, old fashioned, maybe margarita, Long Island ice tea. Really just a few go-to cocktails. And of course be willing to learn a new cocktail of choice would be the gentlemanly thing to do!
@@daningram9797 Indeed! I've been thinking of doing an "Essential Home Bar" video with suggestions for spirits, glassware, tools, etc. and then including 10 cocktails you can make with all that stuff. Sound interesting?
He Spoke Style Great idea! I would certainly watch that.
Two true gentlemen! In my opinion Justus has the greatest know-how in men's style in Germany.
Nice! Really appreciate the comment.
thank you Daniel - a great honor hearing that!
I always seem to enjoy these as they are a podcast type, but the voices just seem so relaxing to listen to as if it's just you and a friend chatting and time doesn't really exist. Maybe for a future topic, you could just talk about your personal styles, how you evolved to get here. Things you purchased, but regretted down the line. What to invest in first as you age. Different materials and what your favourite material is for say shirts, suits, hats, ties, etc. Maybe talk about things not many guys consider to care for, but doing it actually can make you feel better like fit, skin care, etc. Also, may I suggest something for the start of the episodes and maybe do a outfit check, even if it is casual? Keep up the great work!
First, thanks so much for the positive feedback, Logan. Much appreciated! Second, GREAT ideas. As a matter of fact, my editor suggested we get in the habit of doing a 'fit check to start each episode. You're onto something! For the next episode, I think we're going to try something listicle style, sharing certain must-haves for a certain season. How does that sound?
@@hespokestyle that would be interesting pertaining to some things people should own for each season. Maybe include how they could be worn too (i.e. dressed up or dressed down)? As I personally go all over the place from casual to business casual as it's how I like to dress
@@XxLogo Cheers.
@@hespokestyle Also, Brian, I know you wanted to try Spier & Mackay suits and things eventually. This weekend, according to their StyleForum, they are offering the MTO suits and sport coats with full canvas for free. Thought I'd give you a heads up in case you were still looking at them for review! (Also, if you request a Milanese lapel hole in the notes, it will be free this weekend also). Cheers!
If the two of you gentleman could be cloned I think alot of women and men would love dating someone like you both. Both of your thoughtfulness is really apparent, you were both raised properly and you both have alot of empathy.
I'm a great fan of Justus, following him already since 2014, and a great fan of you guys from HSS. Watching your videos for the last years. Keep on going that great work. Great inspirations, I just have to add that my Bank account doesn't like you guys that much. I always spend a lot on cloth, because you guys are inspiring me a lot haha :) enjoy your weekend!
Ah, thanks for the kind words. But if you’re buying well, you’re buying less.
Bando, hearing this is just mind-blowing.. thank you so much for the support along the way! I smiled reading your comment with the bank account. There are a lot of cool things to find on Ebay too!
Regarding showing up to a funeral in casual clothes, this reminds me of when my dad died, it wasn’t the funeral, but it was the visitation, and there were people who were showing up in street clothes. I could tell they were just taking time out of their busy day to stop by and pay their respects, and offer some consolation. It meant the world to me, I never took any offense at how they were dressed. I’m the type that thinks that how you dress shows your level of respect, too, but in this situation, where they were clearly just taking time out of their busy day, it was beautiful.
Absolutely loved this! Would you consider posting these new podcasts on Apple Podcast? Would like to listen in my car on my commutes.
Absolutely. We’re going to be submitting the show this weekend.
as a guy who is vertically challenged (5'8") what I do is take the thin end and fold it to put it through the keeper, and the tip of the thin end then hangs over the keeper. It'll sometimes come undone, but generally does the trick (I know it's "a thing" to have the thin end be longer, but I just feel odd since that usually means that the back blade is like a whole inch or two longer in my case).
Also, love the Pini Parma pants (I credit you and a Sartorial Talks video for convincing me to buy from them). They are the best fitting pants, love the high rise, and side adjusters (I have 6, and plan on buying 3 more). For me, I still think Suit Supply sport coats fit me better and more flattering on me (Spier and mcKay being a close second), but I will definitely buy another Pini Parma suit (I have one now).
My only gripe with Pini Parma, is that the flannel they use for fall/winter collection is so light weight...wish they had 12-13oz flannel wool trousers.
I believe being a gentleman does have to do with your clothes, but not in the way most people think. You are a gentleman not because you wear a suit, rather because you know when a suit is appropriate (or not) and wear it accordingly. Or because you believe that by honoring a dress code, you are showing respect to the host. In that sense, the way you dress does play a part. Just my thoughts.
I like that position, Ambar. Thanks for chiming in.
Being a gentleman is always behaving with integrity, showing respect and being considerate of others. Having good style doesn't make you a gentleman, it just makes you look like one.
I literally just stared at that guys Reverso the entire time trying to figure out if it was the small or medium size because it fit him perfectly! Lol.
Thank you Brian, another great video. You are correct, we need to hear a modern women's point of view on dating / social situations. BTW, will you do a Summer EDC any time soon? Thanks in advance.
Thanks, Steven. We’re working on some female guests to dive into that. Hadn’t thought about a summer EDC but will put it in the hopper. Thanks!
I enjoyed this episode so much! What are the glasses you are wearing here? Thank you😀
“You’ve got to be a man first before you can be a gentleman.”
That struct me the most. For me, being a gentleman is going for the extra mile when striving to be a man.
There are countless definitions of the modern gentleman (and I recommend the one from ALux), but it’s more important to develop character, than to just “dress up” and hope for the best. Like a good saying in video games, skin doesn’t buy skill. But being a gentleman implies investing and improving your life, both on the inside and outside.
Indeed. Thanks for the comment, Lino!
@@hespokestyle I've come across another quote: "It takes more than an hat to be a cowboy".
Another excellent episode, I really love how organic the whole podcast is. Again my thoughts and questions:
1. 7:32 wow pre-Bond Seamasters are really something.
2. On the topic of watches, I don't recall any field/fliegers in your collection, but I've been wondering if they could be paired with a suit like a diver watch can be. I just can't imagine wearing them in an outfit that doesn't involve jeans.
3. 27:10 I think being a gentleman first and foremost comes from the character traits, and I think it would come out through clothes as well. "Pitti Peacocks" wear suits but I don't really associate them with being a gentleman, but I think a gentleman could dress in a sweatshirt and chinos with clean sneakers. I think most gentlemen would dislike standing out of the crowd too much. Of course this is all in general, there will always be exceptions! I think Justus summed it up quite well in 33:20
4. 37:10 As a viewer in his early 30s (so in the middle of the two of you), in a nutshell, I think our age group definitely has a huge dichotomy on how men should treat women. I have friends who are much more conservative, like men-work-whilst-women-stay-home mentality, and friends who are completely the opposite, women and men are complete equals. In any case, I think the best approach is to treat everyone equally (hold the door regardless of who you're with, for example), but treat your wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/S.O. even more specially.
5. On that note I have misjudged Justus's age (I hope you don't take offence Justus!), I thought he would have been a little older as he sounds very mature and well educated in a variety of topics! What was I doing when I was in my 20s...
Again, can't wait for the next episode. Well done both of you! - Han
Thanks for the awesome feedback and commentary, Han! As always.
He Spoke Style Hey thanks for the reply Brian! By the way please remind me, do you have any fliegers or field watches in your collection? I have been trying to find some styling for those but it has been pretty difficult to find! - Han
New subscriber and I am loving it so far.... I agree with your guest, the topic is too huge to tackle in one episode....suggestion: can you tackle this from head to toe? Mindset, dressing for different occasions, conservation starters, behavior at different events, etc.
Thanks so much, Elton, and welcome! Will keep those ideas in mind. Many thanks for the submission!
great idea - thank you for the input Elton!
On the topic of gentleman manners and behavior towards woman I agree that with younger people it is not always perceived the way you wish it to be. In following some of these "codes of conduct" you often almost find yourself going counter to culture norms. Then there is a bit of a peer pressure that you should change or are "different". The most difficult aspect of this is when people will question that your conduct (which you believe is the right thing to do) is motivated by selfish or manipulative reasons. Perhaps in part because it isn't the culture norm.
The god of classic styles
Really enjoyed the conversation. Regarding the Yuval Noah Harari book, I think it´s great. And so are some of his more recent publications. The awareness and concern for the current (and future) state of our species should be in every modern gentleman's interest.
Awesome. Another reason to check it out!
true words Diego! got to read the other publications of his though - Sapiens has been my first book of his so far
In response to online etiquette; I think it would be great if there was a message bubble that popped up before a comment was allowed to be posted. Ideally it would be the Socrates quote "Is it true, Is it Kind, or is it Necessary"? People post in the heat of an idea they had, and perhaps a buffer will help them think before they post.
That's funny....
Great idea!
@@-lys-8014 :)
very interesting idea!
Hey Brian, just wanted to chime in on this one in regards to the point about politics. I think many of the systemic issues we are facing in society today (and for a long time) are the result of avoiding difficult conversation topics such as politics. For those of us in positions of privilege, being able to 'avoid' or 'choose not to' discuss politics is a privilege. Many in less privileged positions don't have that luxury, as their simple act of existence is often a political statement that they did not choose and cannot avoid. I would argue that, rather than avoid these difficult situations, it behooves us as gentlemen to acknowledge, if not ally ourselves with their struggles. To the point Justus' made, the mark of a great leader is one who does not avoid these difficult subjects, but is able to navigate them with grace, dignity and empathy. If we hope to make progress as a global society and as gentlemen, we would be wise to be mindful of this.
Interesting point of view! I don't seek out politics, but they seem to seek me out instead, and handling that thoughtfully and with respect is certainly important, especially these days when many are struggling.
Very well said. I think the biggest issue here is that some people are incapable of having a civil discussion and really listening to multiple points of view.
Cheers.
A much needed discussion, very relevant in the modern age. As a teacher I will show this video to the boys I mentor in Oder to give then something to think about before they go off to university. Well done guys, I really enjoyed this video and the discussion generally. For future videos - what does the modern gentleman read, listen to and drive - and does it matter?
Thanks, Bruce! And thanks for the topic suggestions.
Thank you Bruce, an honor hearing that! Also great input for the topic of a modern gentleman - we'll pick this up in the future
A tie can be easily shortened by simply clipping off the tip of the narrow end, and then sealing it with just a few stitches. I am short and have successfully shortened many nice ties myself. No need to resort to thick knots.
Being a gentleman is more so a way of behaving. Courtesy, not making others feel awkward or uncomfortable but rather welcome and comfortable, ie thoughtfulness never goes out of style. Example-Making conversation with people who are standing on the periphery of a gathering is being a gentleman, being inclusive. Another example, my husband will always plug in my phone and computer if he finds them sitting unattended for awhile, or he will open my car door every time we get into the car - 27 yrs now, which are super simple gestures but that make him a thoughtful gentleman in my eyes. I think in the meetoo age we live in it's the most gentlemanly thing to view women as equals-which is a form of inclusivity because it dismantles the boys club mentality, which has nothing to do with opening doors or gestures like that. Most errors of men in this day and age involve making women feel uncomfortable and feel yucky, so at a basic level if you can just avoid doing that, or actually putting out the opposite energy towards them makes you a gentleman. Clothing wise a gentleman will show respect for the occasion in the sense that they will have thought about interacting within and engaging as an equal with others within that space or event. For a woman we tend to think of wedding attire is the ultimate example of how to dress appropriately to not outshine the bride, for men I think being underdressed is more of the current issue of not being a gentleman and showing up in your best self/best energy/best presentation and respect towards others that has nothing to do with highend clothes or brands etc. If I had to go on a date with a boorish guy who dressed like Cary Grant vs a clean cut sparkle fresh guy in a wrinkle free tee and jeans and clean sneakers I would choose the latter.
Thanks, Brian. I love your channel. I wonder if you mind sharing the style of your eyeglass frames you wore in this piece? Could they be a vintage style?
Hi Brian and Justus, congrats and thanks for your work, much appreciated. To the topic "How to be...": A truly gentleman can wear a polyester Zara outfit and a well tailored man can be the total opposite to a gentleman. Looking forward to hear women opinions about manners.
The combo of your polite and calm energies it transmits me peace and good vives. Thanks for that too.
About a new topic for new episodes, i suggest a few many: a) Short sleeve shirts, yes or not? If yes, in what circumstances?. b) Mens jewelry, how many is too much? c) Where you can use shorts? d) Diver watch with suit, it's acceptable? And a pepsi or other color GMT? Thanks and please keep your outstanding work.
Thanks so much for the comment, suggestions, and support, David. Cheers!
thank you for the feedback David! Wrote your topics down and we'll see when and where to integrate them!
Hey Brian, great podcast yet I feel that a lot of podcasts are 1 on 1 discussions, have you ever thought of making a podcast with 2/3 guests to have a discussion with more views?
yup
Great podcast again. In terms of the gentleman debate my two cents is this: you can wear a suit and be a douche or wear streetwear and be a gent. However, given how much first impressions count you will rightly or wrongly get a greater opportunity to prove your worth if you are dressed in a more classic way.
Really interesting point, Stuart. What do you think that says about people and perceptions?
@@hespokestyle thank you Brian. For me it suggests that potentially people can be too shallow or quick to judge. Having just turned 21 and working in a professional environment I know if I didn't wear 'classic menswear' it could lead to me being presumed as immature or unqualified. Perhaps clothing and mindset are linked and wearing a suit regularly does actually make you feel and act more like a gent but I feel like in a world obsessed with easily consumed content like pictures first impressions do unfortunately count too much. That's why I'm glad to see you moving into these longer discussions and I feel it would be great to get some guests on with you two as well to chime in
@@stuarthb8900 These sorts of things in terms of dressing are certainly ingrained in our culture.
Hello, I'm kindly asking that you make a video or a series of videos explaining the different materials of suits and the different weaves for great clarity. Thank you...
Wow, HUGE topic. Can you provide some specifics you'd be interested in?
@@hespokestyle Specifically, your thoughts on the 'best' materials for each season in which one can be comfortable and in each season what can go formal & informal. The weaves, I learnt of the hop-sack weave on this channel so i thought I'd get more knowledge on maybe other weaves & their advantages.
I think the essence of a gentleman is that when people see how you act you remind them of a romanticised previous time period(that probably never really existed, you don't take photos of bad times), I don't mean this in wearing a morning suit and top hat at all times that'd be excessive(only on race days). I don't know how many people would've seen Wes Anderson's film 'The Grand Budapest Hotel'(it made 172.9 million dollars so probably a lot of people), but this quote I would say is rather relevant to what I would say it means to be a Gentleman today, 'To be frank, I think his world had vanished long before he ever entered it. But I will say, he certainly sustained the illusion with a marvelous grace.', in the context of the film I think that it shows that this is not in reference to specific clothes one wears or anything of that sort, perhaps somewhat affected to how your clothes are presented though but just as an extension of other aspects.
Awesome comment, Nate. I love the quote. One thing we raised in the video is that even those "ideal" gentleman photos--how can you say that those dudes were gentlemen?! You don't know how they acted towards their friends, wives, etc.
@@hespokestyle Exactly, but sometimes someone that fits those 'Ideal Gentleman' photos may actually be exactly how you imagine them, and those men are certainly gentlemen.
i am german and i can personally attest that he is 100% right about the fact that complaining about everything is a super german trait (sadly). great video!
Sometimes its really hard to hear people’s opinion. And that’s when the ugly side of us gets the best out of us, to make a hateful comment to those strangers as strangers.
Years ago I made a terrible comment on a video, which at that time made sense to me. But the video got recommended back to me after a year, I saw my comment and felt terrible and ashamed so wrote an apology underneath that comment.
After that decided to never make a comment, or if the video is making me mad, I’ll stop watching it. But if you think the comments are harsh or can ruin a person’s day, dont write it.
They both have excellent taste in watches that patek 3940 is my dream patek
Start saving!
Lovely podcast! Really enjoyed the conversation. Do bring the ladies for the next episode, that would be a great addition to this topic. To me, a gentleman is a man of values. Honest, humble, helpful, curious... Someone who’s always looking to learn from anyone or any experience. P.S Justus, you’re perspective is great! Please fix your microphone placement!! Lol I know. But seriously, you will sound incredibly good. I want to hear your voice, not your hands. ❤️
What does he need to do? Closer to the mic?
He Spoke Style bring the microphone up, and make sure it’s facing you. czcams.com/video/Ty8YLqOmbV4/video.html
How’s my SM7B placement?
@@hespokestyle perfect 👌
thank you for your words and the feedback Sago!
Very good video - my second comment once I got to the end.
I would say, that in terms of avoiding politics I disagree to an extent. Given my career, I can't avoid it because I'm either surrounded by people who are into politics, or inevitably someone will try to talk to me about it once they find out what I do. Though I should say that I get the instinct, because depending on who you're discussing with and what you're discussing it can be rather exhausting.
Regardless though, I do think one can discuss politics if kept abstract, not mired in the specifics of whatever our two parties are warring over at the time. Obviously you keep it respectful, and listen as well. However, I'd say in some instance a gentleman should in fact step in if they hear someone making a bigoted point (however coded) - always in a respectful manner and being clear to try and make sure the point is not misunderstood.
I look at discussions of politics similar to discussing philosophy or art....and frankly you cannot discuss anything without talking about politics. For example, you can't discuss most modern music, like 90's hip hop or 90's grunge, without discussing the culture that served as a backdrop, and you can't discuss that culture without discussing the system that led to that culture and youth rebellion - that's political even if it does not feel that way.
Finally, I'd say a gentleman isn't someone that is chivalrous (which I think of as more coded in gender norms), rather someone that is humble, generous, kind, patient, empathetic, and respectful of all people.
Really appreciate that extremely thoughtful comment. I think in terms of politics, as you mention, it's a matter of being able to have a civil discussion. Some people don't seem capable of that and it could make a very ugly situation.
@@hespokestyle , agreed and that's where you kindly disengage or change the subject. I try not to bring up politics (in spite of my career), but I do try and be careful, because as you said, it can be ugly.
One last point, not to be a comment bore; In regards to the treatment of women, I think its confusing for both sexes nowadays. I say that because as mentioned, some women aren't used to traditional mannerisms. Some women have developed a negative reflex towards it. And some women, like many channels I'm starting to see spring up on youtube, are encouraging a renaissance of "traditional" femininity but in a way that leaves all of the negative bits behind. Perhaps the best solution is to ask the woman you're interested in what her stance is on the matter. It's likely that like will attract like, but in case opposites attract, have that discussion and then adjust accordingly.
You can keep on commenting, Maria! Loving it! What you suggest could definitely be a barometer for determining whether or not you are compatible with someone.
Good material
Thanks, Laundale!
I just started following your channel and it’s been very helpful. Just bought Dressing the man thanks to you.
Nice!
Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari is awesome! Arguebly, one of the best books of the last decade. Thanks for those podcasts which I am enjoying a lot.
Glad you like them! We'll be getting them up on iTunes and other outlets shortly.
I agree with you - for sure the most eye-opening book I've ever read
One thing I think is missing from your discussion is that a Gentleman never takes advantage of a person in a subservient or lower socio- economic position. He would never pass an underling's work off as his own, berate a waiter or waitress, or make offensive remarks to the coat check girl at a private club, for example. The underling, the waiter, and the coat check girl are not in a position to defend themselves. Indeed, they are deserving the Gentleman's protection should he witness the non-gentleman (aka "Cad") taking advantage.
Old fashioned? Yes. But like the concept of "noblesse oblige" a duty that is sorely missed in society today.
No phubbing - (Ignoring people while on your phone). No ghosting and leaving people hanging on texts, emails, etc. Max 24 hrs to return a message or query. As for typical manners with women - how about asking them on the phone before you go out - showing interest in their preferences for those sorts of gestures and what they like or not from a man. It will show that you are being a gentleman by being considerate for what THE OTHER PERSON wants to make them comfortable-which is the basis of being a gentleman.
What's old is new again...a modern gentleman in 2020 should carry a personal calling card. Giving someone your business card in a social setting is just wrong. A true gentleman should carry a classic and elegant calling card with one's contact information. Select a heavy weight card stock with letterpress printing and you have a premium card. Carrying a calling card makes a great first impression gentlemen.
I like that very much.
Having attended boarding school, I definitely think there's a conservative perception of the term. I prefer to look at it more in terms of how you treat people, though, and wanting to improve my own personal style, I don't think classic style and progressive thinking are incompatible.
Great feedback. Thanks so much for chiming in, Christian.
Any new episodes planned?
Hi Brian,
Great show! Excellent topics and conversation!
What is the name of the podcast? If like to find on stitcher. HeSpokeStyle? Speaking Style?
Nevermind! I found it on stitcher searching for "Speaking Style". Keep up the great work, you two!
Justus, the “plain knot” is known as the “Four in Hand”, thanks.
If you don't have post notifications on you're missing out.
Appreciate the support!!
I know some people who does not dress in a fancy classy way but definitely they are gents. I think been a gentleman is more of behaviour and good manners. If you can dress expensive, fancy and classy even better. But dressing does not makes a gentleman, it's all about attitude.
Enjoyed this week's podcast. Brian, are you still doing any road cycling? I've been riding a long time, and something that strikes me is how terrible most cyclists dress on the bike. I'm a fan of Rapha cycle wear, classic and simple. Any thoughts?
Thanks! No, haven’t ridden since I retired in 2013. It’s an interesting issue-how cyclists dress. I think most cyclists care deeply about how they look on the bike. Team kits are really important. They project something about the team and can even intimidate! While I think Rapha stuff definitely looks good, I have to be honest and say that I never enjoyed riding with dudes in any of the rapha teams. They looked awesome in their sweet kits and definitely had the attitude to go along with it, but their legs never did any talking.
@@hespokestyle thanks for the reply. A bad attitude is definitely no something a modern gentleman projects! I think the competitive parts of cycling culture are on the decline, many more roadies are enjoying the more adventurous side of cycling, and leaving the racing to the young ones. Unless the topic is sock height, then all bets are off.
I don’t shy away from talking about politics, but I work as a political staffer so as soon as someone knows what I do for work it is obvious my opinions. As a military man I can understand it is different for you. I think it’s possible to have a respectful discussion, as your compatriot describes. But right now, with the state of the world, I don’t know how you can have a conversation without politics coming up. It would seem disingenuous to not discuss current affairs. I don’t think we should avoid discussions about politics, we need to be more engaged and connected to the world we live in.
I feel addressed by the atavistic view on menswear, even though I also think that the guy that wears "no" suits (but still owns one) can be a gentleman. However, you seem to dislike the super-classic menswear enthusiasts, but does a gentleman nowadays *need* to have a modern twist in terms of menswear?
And I have to agree with Justus on complaining being quite German.
Appreciate the comment. When it seems forced or truly not of this time, that's where I draw the line. I'm not talking about modern "twists"--what I mean is more contemporary ideas of fit and proportions. Yes, there are aspects of that that are timeless, but if it seems like a costume, then it's a bit too much for me.
Something I did not know!
@@hespokestyle I agree. If you're a super-classic menswear enthusiast by heart - perfect! But quite a few people only use this as an image while their actual way of dressing is different. Perfect examples seen at Pitti, partially ;-)
Can someone tell me his YT channel?! I didn‘t know Justus before. Great Podcast, greatly enjoyed it!
Justus doesn’t have a YT. Yet.
@@hespokestyle oh wow! thanks for the info! Does he have a blog?
Thank you BM! I don't have a YT channel yet, but you can find me on IG under Justusf_hansen
I am a woman very left of centre on the political spectrum but am old school with my approach to manners; I think there’s nothing wrong with ladies first. It depends on the setting. At a formal dinner, group setting, it is polite for men to stand when a woman does, but that would be out of place at most one on one meals. I often eat out with men for work and I notice when the man dives in and orders first.
Badass choice but owning a vintage Royal Oak is a dangerous game... the service costs are astronomical....
I’m sure
¿Los subtitulos? Muchas personal ven el canal en subtitulado al español
I generally do them, however, to have them done for an hour-long video is a bit cost-prohibative.
@@hespokestyle Thank you, I wait for a video of formal blue and gray formal suits.
I kinda gave you grief about shoe trees a few months back. That was not gentlemanly of me.
Indeed not!
Regarding the gentleman rules about treating a lady correctly are not just era and age-based. They are also area-based. They depend on the region in with you are. More will be expected by a woman from a gentleman in the Southern United States
Hello, could you get these podcast on Google Podcast please ?
Best regards