Free Yourself from Tyranny of Your Ego Ideal (Boredom, Culture)
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- čas přidán 18. 06. 2024
- You should work on your ego ideal (the way you think you should be or ought to be). Not everyone is built to socialize. Not everyone is built to have relationships. Not everyone is built to conform.
You have an image of how and what you should be (“ideal ego”). Your ideal ego sets you up for failure because it imposes on you expectations and standards that you find difficult to meet.
Rather than try to change who you are - modify your ego ideal. Rather than attempt to motivate or incentivize or coerce others to conform to your unrealistic ego ideal - change your ego ideal.
If you can’t be humble about your shortcomings, at least be realistic as to your limitations: you cannot control others, life, circumstances, the environment, or the future. To believe otherwise is the intoxicating manic phase of grandiosity.
Focus on your strong suits. Socializing and relationships are not your strong suits. When you emphasize your relative shortcomings rather than your relative advantages - it ends in failure and paranoid ideation.
When you keep placing yourself in impossible situations with the wrong people this leads to hypervigilance and to paranoid ideation.
Regarding boredom: it is usually a sign that you are not challenging yourself enough - or that you have no long-term vision/plan - or that you are insecure (don’t trust yourself to be able to accomplish your goals).
Culture No Excuse for Abuse
One’s culture is no excuse for abuse. Anyone abuses you - even a first degree relative - you cut them off. No contact. Anyone manipulates or coerces you into doing something - you UNdo it. No two ways about it. I have never used my culture as an alibi, as an excuse to not do the right thing.
Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: www.amazon.com/stores/page/60...
This video should be played in every school. I think this should be mandatory teaching.
And what I love is he backs his advice with academic studies unlike these grifters who just hate their exes
Totally.
self love is against capitalism so schools well never teach this
If this isn't the best pep talk I've ever heard, I don't know what is.
One thing I must say is that I've listened to so many intellectuals and seemingly intelligent ones on CZcams regarding so many topics but always thought that there was something lacking. an all encompassing connection that is to be made regarding contemporary politics,economics, government systems,modern day society and the philosophical shifts occuring within is best explained by prof vaknin.
After listening to vaknin when I go and listen to others it feels like either they don't know something,or are concealing something,or they are just pretending to be someone who they are really not.
And for many mental health awareness has now become a profitable business which in itself is unsettling
Keyword: Boredom.
Thank you so much for emphasizing that Professor.
I enjoy my Vaknin entraining best in the early morning hours, when my mind is most refreshed from resting and ready to absorb the mental stimulation. Thank you professor for teaching us poor heathen children. 🙏🏼❤️
I'm benefitting from this information greatly, too many quacks on CZcams, far too much pandering to folk's desire to excuse themselves of personal responsibility; knowing your limitations is a great strength.
This statement is absolutely correct!
Absolutely sage advice...thank you for sharing ❤
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
~Margery Williams Bianco, The Velveteen Rabbit
I enjoy your videos immensely! I learn from them because I feel that you are blunt and honest in a realistic manner which enables me to understand the significance of the truth..the good , bad and the ugly with grace. Thank you Sam for your professionalism and time 🫶🏼
Your knowledge is such a gift to humanity. Thank you and Thank you Minnie.
This is the best Iv seen in year's. I tortured myself wery long time .
Dr. Vaknin, you are so so so smart. 😉
I love it! ❤️ It all makes sense, thank u for the explanation
Thank you professor Sam .Your teachings help bring me back to reality. You help make learning enjoyable also.
No one has helped me learn more about psychology than you have. You are amazingly brilliant.
My mom had a saying 'only boring people get bored' She's a total narcissist, one of the most boring people ever, takes not joy in life, and hates it when anyone else does. But it's pretty accurate
Edit: Though now that I think about you kind of need to be an autonomous person who is in control of your life to not get board. If you're a child who is constantly being bullied by your narcissistic mother into doing things you don't want to then of course you are going to get board!
This was wise, profound, liberating and I can’t thank you enough, Professor.
I remember as a child my father use to get so angry that i wasn't as academic as my brother.
It would drive him nuts.
He once went to go see my principal and the principal himself said "school is not for everyone and that there is a place in the sun for everyone"
But of course that was not what he wanted to hear
I am learning who I am at 37. My true self, no fp, no ego ideal. You have taught me so much. This is really doing the work. Thank you, Professor
This is so powerful
My eyes suddenly started to create tears, thank you.
This video hit hard
I really needed to hear this today having once again had a very unpleasant visitation from my long presumed extinct ego ideal that every once in a while lifts its ugly head. I love the definition of ambition as a malignant form of motivation! Actually I used to respond to people talking about their ambitions that my ambition was to be ambitionless and I really meant it suffering as I was from the effects of narcissistic parenting. But I am never bored and get mad at people who tell me that they are. I must have done something right after all. Thank you professor Vaknin for breaking a spear in defence of radical authenticity ! And now I’ll watch your video over again to absorb all the details!
So true. The answer to internal conflict & self sabotage. Peace is within grasp. Peace to you P.SV
Thank you Dear Professor Sam Vaknin❤
Sam Vaknin should be as popular as Jordan Peterson, in my opinion.
Fat chance. I am a truthteller. It means that I alienate everyone. I don't take sides or prisoners.
@@samvaknin You have your integrity, and that's what matters, Sir. Btw, Loved that film "I, Psychopath"
Anyone who hasn't seen it, should. It's all about Sam Vaknin- he is the star!
Favorite CZcamsr
Thank you
I really love this video, thank you.
This was incredibly inspiring. Thanks professor for helping me navigate the daunting task that is my life. Salute.
Beautiful charge 🙏🏼
Very wise man.
What are your thoughts on bad faith and how sarte said sincerety is a form of bad faith self deception
Search this channel and my Nothingness channel for "sartre" and for "authentic".
Greetings from India professor.. i had a question troubling my mind.. please care to answer since i have nobody to ask( psychiatrist fails to answer any)..
Are all narcissist on the same level of narcissism? Can they get better if given a chance to look within at any stage of life??
Can you further give examples of cluster b disorders in relation with the famous cases of crimes.. like how would you describe the girl (Jennifer Pan) who killed her own parents eventually? Please care to ease the troubled minds of many like us.. thank you🌷
Search the channel for "Narcissistic Style".
As someone with a music background (mainly Jazz) I can relate to what you're saying.
Although I have Music Education, I'm not that interested or capable at Classical Music (I occasionally listen to it when I come across something I consider "Interesting" pillar and something about Harmony or something like that).
I've never been a good sight reader in my eyesight has gotten worse, so I can't rely on that skill (so I can write shorts for others, if needed).
Play for performing in real time and not really a pop entertainer, do my best work in popular music genres better as a side man than as a leader.
Cliff had my own thoughts about trying to be authentic about it (I'm also on the Autism Spectrum, which often appears my social skills that when I need things more than small talk).
I wish I could have been better at romantic relationships than my social abilities allow but I only wanted to pursue someone that I was specifically interested in not randomly anybody I could have gone to bed with.
I just finished a Jazz-related music camp encouragement (as I understand it).
My response was,
"Becoming an improved version of who I am driving to already be "
Will probably not magically become a neurotypical extra but I would like to be able to find my coping skills within respect to dealing with my abilities and my limitations.
I've been living in a Van largely due to the ridiculous cost of housing (especially a location where one can also practice), the way.
I always wanted to have an "Equipment Truck" that I could drive up to a gig in and pull out exactly the gear I needed for it (and hopefully you have it secure), after COVID-19, I decided to also make it something I can live in (partially due to the property owner of the last house I lived in sold the property due to her ill health).
As you get older it's easier to hurt yourself, so I'm trying to find ways of dealing with that through things like the Alexander Technique when I can afford attending such events).
It's official; i have found my religion in you, Professor Vaknim.
Vaknin.
@@samvaknin Professor Vaknin
Hi, I watched the your video "Boredom is good for you" , there you mentioned boredom as an indicator of an authentic life and mental health, but here you said it is an indicator of mental health pathologies.
Would you please explain it a bit more? Thank you
Saturation leads to anhedonic boredom which results in avoidance and withdrawal (constriction)
Gap between authentic self and bad faith self (ego ideal) leads to pathological or dysfunctional behaviors such as recklessness and aggression (for instance, in narcissism and psychopathy).
Here I deal with the inner experience (perceived as boredom) which indicates a gap between the authentic self and the bad faith self (the ego ideal). Such “boredom” is actually aggression and is typical in psychopathy and narcissism. It is not healthy boredom. It leads to dysfunctional behaviors such as recklessness.
Thank you.
Hello, Sam Are there personal coaching services?
I am not a coach.
Any psychology services?
Sam do you get all your knowledge from reading a lot , you seem to have a broad knowledge spectrum as I have seen you speak about economy and capitalism as well as psychology , what are your research methods? Thanks.
im gonna start a smear campaign on you Samuel as a form of Cold Therapy
Thank you. Join the queue.
@@samvaknin Funny you assume us Narcassists follow the convention of staying in line