Why I Kissed Dating Hello | Christian Dating Advice | Courtship & Dating
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- čas přidán 10. 07. 2017
- Courtship? Dating? Today I want to share my own experiences and a few things I’ve learned…including why I finally kissed dating hello! 😘 Love, Tiffany Dawn
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“HOW TO KNOW IF HE’S WORTH DATING” BY KIMMIE PLUMMER
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People go to to opposite extremes:
NO TOUCHING! WILL I MARRY YOU?! THIS IS THE ONLY THING ON MY MIND!
And the other extreme:
It’s just fun! I just wanna date! Let’s hook up! It’s just fun! I don’t have to take it seriously until I’m 30!
.... and then you’re feeling broken.
So the happy medium is YES date! But don’t invest too much physically or emotionally. Don’t rush it. Be friends, be a COUPLE, but don’t do too much too fast.
so much insights
wow this has blessed my heart
this is real dating advice. christian dating advice is so awful so its good to see a young christian speaking like this. big respect
Thanks so much for your encouragement!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
God bless u
@@TiffanyDawn For there is none other name under heaven, neither that of the earth, save that every tongue should confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is God.
We need your ministry
We need more advice like this in the singles ministry
I'm a guy and I've learned a lot from this video. People always talk about marriage but no one wants to teach you how to get there. When you start dating they tell you that you're not ready. Where I'm from, the wider society is teaching you not to trust anyone, yet something is wrong with you if you don't have a boy/girlfriend.
I shared this awhile ago, but it's the biggest problem within Catholic dating and speakers: The overwhelming majority of advice is “How to stay pure/chaste/modest…how to recognize sinful and dangerous behavior…how can I show interest…who should do the initiating/how to initiate…how to do dates…why women should submit and men should lead…” WITHOUT being counterbalanced by questions like “What do we have in common…how do we see the world…how do we understand each other…what are we looking for…how do we communicate…what are the conditions for healthy submission & leadership…what’s the ratio on our investment in the current relationship-platonic or romantic…and how often do we rely on each other during times of conflict?”
YES! Finally someone said it! Dating doesn’t have to be a big deal - this is how things were done in my parents/grandparents generation. They talk about it and how different their dating culture was then all the time. Everyone sort of dated everyone just in a casual, friendly way, and there was no pressure. The point was to get to know yourself better and what you wanted in a future spouse, and what you didn’t. It was about growing and maturing. It allows you to stop looking at every guy you meet as whether or not they’re “husband material.” Instead you get to focus on who he is as a person. Then, once an individual got to know someone they could see a future with, they began “going steady” and would get more serious about that person and would stop dating others. There is nothing wrong with intentionally getting to know guys.
Yes, I love how you explained this! My grandparents and great-grandparents talked about this too. I think it's such a cool way to approach dating!
I'm 56.. divorced.. and haven't dated for a very long time.. even since my divorce of 7 yrs ago.. I haven't dated any woman.. I want to.. but at my age.. I feel weird trying to date.. dating is a big deal to someone that gets rejected all the time. Women don't want a guy like me.. and being alone with nobody makes me lose self esteem and confidence... I don't even know HOW to date anymore.. Things are NOT like they were when I was in my 20s. I do NOT have a lot of money.. I use to take a woman out and spend a lot of money on a date.. easily over 100$. But now I don't have money like that. I don't even know how to date anymore.
Thanks. Your words help. I agree...
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give it time and get to learn all of this over again.
the sun is always brighter beyond the clouds
Yes! This!! I completely agree that Christians shouldn't be so marriage focused when they first start dating. It takes the fun out of getting to know the person because there is so much pressure, especially in the teenage/early 20s years.
Yes, exactly!! I totally agree. There is so much pressure! And it really can be so fun to just get to know someone.
This was so important for me to hear!! I always saw dating as something very serious and that you should only have one boyfriend and your first boyfriend is the one you should marry. So hearing this today gave me so much encouragement because I’ve already had my first boyfriend and I know he’s not the one for me. This gave me confidence to date and discover who I am but not be so serious and committed so thank you!! 💗
I'm so glad this could encourage you!! I had such a hard time leaving my first boyfriend, partly because I felt like I should end up marrying him. But thank God I didn't!! He was a terrible fit for me haha. I'm so glad this could encourage you as well!
Can you do a video about encouragement for girls in their mid-20s who have ever been asked out on a date? I’m 25 and never had a boyfriend, let alone asked on a date.
Ruthie hi Ruth, my tip is Wait on the LORD who will provide you a good man! But first always love yourself and make sure that YOU are ready for a relationship. I'm 25 years old too. I have been with my man 5 years because I wanted to get to know better and I glad did:)
Ruthie I recommend getting involved in different activities like clubs, etc I read this quote online that said girls are expecting their prince to knock on their door so true you gotta make yourself seen! Second step is self care. Exercise, groom yourself so you’re healthy and feel good about yourself will attract someone to you! Third step is to even ask a guy put yourself or ask for a guys number. I hope these help!
there your problem right there. You should try to ask men out on a date. Some men like me had such terrible experiencing in past we will not pursue. about half of men are logical types. we are clueless who like us or not because it is not easy for us to read emotions of other people. We inverted logical types do not like failure. In certain social situations we like only make a move when we know it be successful and cause no discomfort to other person.
Ruthie!! Hi! I’m 25, and yes, I have been on a date, but I totally feel you because I have never had a boyfriend! I made a video when I was still 24 about dealing with some of the pains of prolonged singleness. Know that I am right there with you and praying for you tonight! ❤️ I hope my video encourages you, if you watch it!
Two pieces of advice:
1.) Get involved in a social club or activity, or several if you have the time. I met my last three boyfriends (including my current long-term boyfriend) at a local gaming group. Finding people with whom you have shared interests is a great way to meet potential boyfriends or just friends in general; you can't catch a fish if you never go to the river!
2.) If you're interested in a guy, ask him out to a casual cup of coffee. If he says yes, then great! Have fun, don't put too much pressure on it. If no, then shrug your shoulders and move on. I would never have ended up dating my current boyfriend if I hadn't asked him out myself, since he wasn't aware I was interested in him.
Thank you. I went from hooking up earlier in life to overly marriage focused. Now at 37 I'm still single. So helpful to see this space between being friends and talking about marriage while not getting physical, not having any pressure yet with a defined time limit. Thank you!
Greetings to you in Christ Peace be with you and your family in Christ.
My name is Nadeem Christ and I belong to Pakistan
For there is none other name under heaven, neither that of the earth, save that every tongue should confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is God.
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I agree with you. My mom always combines the two common ways to make her version "dorting" lol😂
Dorting!!! 😂 I love that!!!! 😍
Hello
Greetings to you in Christ Peace be with you and your family in Christ.
My name is Nadeem Christ and I belong to Pakistan.
I need a christian girl Age limit 35years
My age 23year
But I belong to poor family
I'm single
For whoever will give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because you are Christ`s, most certainly I tell you, he will in no way lose his reward.
@@TiffanyDawn please help
Glory to Jesus Christ
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Glory to Jesus Christ
For there is none other name under heaven, neither that of the earth, save that every tongue should confess that the Lord Jesus Christ is God.
This was so interesting! I think Christian girls especially are super focused on the wedding and that can be unhealthy more than 'Godly'. For such people this is great advice! Not to be over casual but to calm down and enjoy the moment instead of thinking years down the road!
My mind is a little bit blown! I have always thought I should only go on dates with guys who are potential husbands, and always thought I would instantly know when I find the guy I am supposed to marry. I’m 30 and have been on several first or second dates, and I always know right away when it’s a no! As an older single girl, it’s hard to not want to rush into everything. As always, thank you for the advice and being a voice of reason!
I think the purpose of courting is to be serious about the intention of marriage not to focus on marriage lol.Dating is usually a thing with no intention except having fun.but it all depends who you are I guess. My husband and I courted, we had a goal in ind which was possibility of marriage but we focused on getting to know one another(dating) and not on marriage per se. so I guess it depends on who you are.But I wouldn't say that courting is bad, you just need to be intentional but not sooooo focused on marriage that you miss important things :)
Ah, that makes sense that you decided to court because you were serious in the relationship, but still getting to know each other. Thank you for sharing this! I enjoyed hearing your perspective! :) :)
What important things do you mean?
Hey nobody told me this. Yes one of my friends told me. No many told me it is okay to date casually, without considering marriage. But I wouldn't buy into that. I was stubborn with my obsession of meeting "the one", the one I should get married to. But.. wow I agree with you. I have been just a chicken actually, not wanting to get rejected like how my parents got apart. I was even proud sometimes that I kept being single purposely. But I think it is time for me to stop thinking too constricted in my own philosophy and theology about relationship. What I mean is, I am just so touched that I dont have to think too seriously, considering marriage first, but instead try to just get to know him, try to enjoy that moment and learn. Hey ou My God thank you so much for the message. I think you are amazing. God gave you a great talent in giving a talk in such articulate manner. Love, from South Korea.
I can't believe she doesn't have more subscribers. Top notch Christian advice, really for women and men.
This video encouraged my soul! Just what I needed today. ☺ the flowers are beautiful btw
I'm so glad!! And thank you -- that's my wedding bouquet! My friend made it for me with fake flowers and I LOVE IT!! 😍
This is exactly what happened with me and a girl whom I was seeing until recently (I'm a guy). When I first asked her out I had no idea whether I would want to marry her, all I knew was she fascinated me and I wanted to get to know her a bit better. The date went really well and we were both keen to do it again, so we kept seeing each other for the next couple of months to try and figure out if we could do a committed relationship. In the end we decided we couldn't, but I don't regret that time at all as I think we both learned important lessons from it about what we look for in a partner (neither of us had been in a relationship before). It also helped that we took it really slowly without much commitment at first, rather than jumping straight into a relationship that then didn't work out, as I think that would've hurt us both a lot more and made it harder for us to now stay friends.
You give the most sane advice on dating I've heard on youtube. So good! Keep up the good work! :D
YES!!! I relate to this so much. My first relationship was really similar. I did not think that my husband was the person that I was "supposed to marry", so it took me a while to give him a chance. I'm so glad I did. So glad you are talking about this!
No way!! That's so crazy you had such a similar experience and almost didn't give him a chance!! I'm so glad you did give him a chance eventually!! 😂 Now I'm so curious and want to hear more of your story!!
your heart just shows through this video and I swear it's beautiful! I loved the video
Awww!! I'm so glad!! Thank you so much for watching & for the encouragement!
Tiffany, I can't thank you enough for this video!!! I literally found it right when I needed it. I grew up reading a lot of books about courtship, and now that I'm finally starting to spend time with someone I've been feeling so much pressure and anxiety to have all the answers before I've even gone on two dates! The points in this video were so helpful to me, and I'm so excited to let the pressure off and just take it slow. I think I need to remember "Time is my Friend" every day. :) Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom with us! It is such a blessing and I'm so thankful to God for your channel.
This is so important! People need to know that it is okay to court AND to date. We just need to be careful and put appropriate boundaries in place.
So true!!! You hit the nail on the head. The church gets this wrong so often but I agree with you 100%
So glad you enjoyed this!! I am such a big fan of dating to get to know someone now.
This is so relatable and so good! Thank you!!
Love love love this! I wish I had this advice as I was starting to date!
This is SOOO IMPORTANT to me, as for the longest time I was afraid of even going on one casual date because I thought it automatically meant marriage, or at least a serious relationship. Part of this is probably because I was told growing up that I "should never date anyone [I] wouldn't marry." That is terrifying to lay on a fourteen year old!! But now that I'm older and have been through a casual dating "relationship" I have seen that dating is the best way to get to know a person, because--just like you said--different issues come up in dating than in friendships, and there is no way to know if you'd want to marry someone based on your friendship with them. Thank you for this video!! I feel like this is definitely something that needs to be shared.
Loved hearing your experience with this!!
Thank you for good thoughts ..Legalism in relations is one of roadside ,permissiveness is another one .I grew up in a similar environment like you. Our church in Ukraine considered datings as unacceptable for christians, and courtship was an example of morality. If I had more experience then in datings in my early 20 s instead my 35 s (now i am 39 and stay single ) I would definitely know more about people and not devote so much time to hopeless relationships. I still believe God for a spouse I got good lessons from unsuccessful relationships ,but think that legalism is not an instrument for building a healthy relationship between people
I agree, that's a great way of putting it -- there's definitely a balance to find between legalism and permissiveness. I'm so glad God has been teaching you through the unsuccessful relationships too!! :) :)
This was a great message, and it just confirms my instinct to not waste your time with something because it’s something or because you think you need to be in a relationship or have already found the one etc.
you're everytime so HELPFUL!!!
This is so eye opening! Thank you! 💖
I relate to this video so much! Thank you for the advice, I will apply it to my life ❤
Thank you for this video!! I’ve gotten pounded into my brain that you shouldn’t date unless you know he’s the one or you think you will marry him. But I think I’m going to branch out a little more if the occasion arises!
Thank you so much Tiffany. I really needed to hear this.
Thank you so much for this video! This totally changed my perspective. Even up to the point where I clicked on this video, I took everything way too serious. I didn't even realize I was doing it. But I was not planning on even going on a date with a guy if I didn't think I could marry him. But the truth is, how do you know if you could marry him if you don't even get to know him first? Going on a date doesn't mean you're boyfriend and girlfriend, it just means you're trying to see if that could possibly happen. Great advice, as always. 😊👍
"But the truth is, how do you know if you could marry him if you don't even get to know him first? Going on a date doesn't mean you're boyfriend and girlfriend, it just means you're trying to see if that could possibly happen." -- Exactly!! 😍
Loved this video. Thank you! Greetings from Chile!
Your spirit is so sweet and loving! ❤️
Such a great video as always! I always look forward to your videos. Left you a massive like! 😘 xx
This is so precious 😊
You have a wonderful attitude. I think for some people it is difficult to take things slowly because they have less control over their emotions and feelings. It's a struggle to "guard our hearts" (I'm not Christian but I believe in this concept). These people tend to be HSPs (highly sensitive persons) and fall harder and faster for their prospect even if there is no compatibility. Your advice is still on point -- just might have to combine this advice with another piece of advice about guarding emotions for those who struggle with that.
This was actually pretty good 👍
I love this!!! And you!!!!
Hmmm looks like a video I'll be showing my folks 🙄😂. Many thanks!
Congrats on 1k subs!
Thank you!!! ❤️
Finally know what you were talking about today.
thank you so much for the video!!
Tiffany i know your channel is aimed at women but let me tell yo this as a chistian man this is so helpful to me because i buought into this concept of just waiting on God and basically sititng on my bum doing nothing why is it that in every area of life are told be be active yet in this area it seems people want to be passive i think it's like looking for a job you wouldn't just sit around and do nothing because that isn't scritual :" he who finds a wife finds a good thing " you know that suggests to me to look for someone
AMEN and amen. Now that I’m in a very serious relationship, I actually with I’d dated a little more. But glad for the experiences I HAVE had.
I don’t know if I agree with dating many different guys. I did that in the past and it was a huge waste of my time. If the goal wasn’t to date with purpose (the end result being marriage) then what was the point? I also stopped dating non-Christian men altogether and it has helped me a lot by protecting my heart. No more meaningless relationships.
Monique Evans well, I think the whole reason you date is to see if you could possibly marry that person, but you don't have to think about that right away. Going on a date with someone doesn't Immediately make you boyfriend and girlfriend, it just means you're seeing if that could possibly happen. And if not, you don't even have to "break up" because you were never together in the first place. And if you do, you can move forward with the relationship. But the initial first stage of dating is just to see if you like them, not assuming they are going to be your husband. At least thats how I see it. But yeah, I agree with only having relationships with Christian guys. That's a must have if you are a Christian. 👍
I totally agree! That's a great summary of it Karis!
I loved hearing your perspective! And that is so awesome you decided to only date Christian guys! I love how Karis explained it in her comment below. I think it's not so much about getting into serious boyfriend-girlfriend, longterm relationships with a bunch of guys for no reason. That certainly could lead to a lot of wasted time and heartbreak! I think it's more about the first stage of dating not having the pressure of talking about marriage, but just getting to know each other. I found that when I got too serious too fast, and started talking about marriage from the getgo, then the break up felt more like a divorce because we were soooo committed. And that led to a lot of really broken hearts. I think there's a happy balance somewhere in the middle, which will look a little different for everyone. Loved hearing your thoughts!
Please talk me
you are an angel thank you so much for these videos
Great video and advice
I'm so glad you enjoyed!! :):)
Tiffany, thank youuu!!!!
I was really curious about what you’d have to say about this. I guess it does depend on who you are and the word that God specifically has for you.
I personally am more on the courting side. It worked well with my husband but there’s a lot of pitfalls that you describe of it that weren’t relevant in the way we experienced it. I do agree that even if you are “courting” you should still have the dating feel of getting to know the other person in a fun flirty way.
Watching this just now, a few months out of my first relationship. It is so affirming to hear that just because I didn't end up marrying him, it doesn't mean that I did something wrong. I always grew up with the mentality that I would marry the first guy. But I was barely in the relationship for 4 months when I realised something that had been slowly building up in me that, despite my initial attraction towards him, and the fact that he really loved Jesus, and that he was British (am Australian lol), that he wasn't the guy God had for me to marry. I still don't know who or when I'll marry, but I am glad that I had that period of dating him, as I learned some things about myself and about relationships that I otherwise wouldn't have had, if I hadn't dated him.
Also hearing that its okay to go on dates when you're intrigued by a guy was so nice to hear. It was basically what my friends (strong women of God who are absolutely amazing) had been telling me, but that culture of "I kissed dating goodbye" was so ingrained in me that I think this was the proverbial straw. So thank you! And if that guy that I am currently intrigued about asks me on a date, I'll say yes! Thank you so much for these videos you make about healthy dating godly relationships!
You are speaking right to me! I've always thought that I shouldn't date a guy unless I knew he could be the one I'd marry someday.. but this makes so much sense! Thank you for sharing. Question for you (sheesh, I ask so many questions haha!): do you think it's important to be friends with a guy before you start dating?
I totally thought that too!! I'm just so glad I gave James a chance instead 🙈 😂 And I always wondered that too! James and I weren't really friends before we started dating, but we became best friends over time, as we started dating and eventually got married. He's definitely my best friend now. So I think it can go either way -- being a friend first, or not. But I think having the guy become a really deep friend during your relationship is important - because I think having that friendship, meaning you can talk about anything and feel comfortable together (even if you build that friendship while dating), is so helpful to have in marriage. Does that make any sense? I hope that helps in some way. Just my personal opinion! Haha :):)
That does make sense! I'll definitely be keeping that in the back of my head whenever I enter the dating phase of my life, haha.
I love that advise. I always thought I had to be best friends with the guy before I started dating him. But I like your advice better.
How would you know he's the one you'll marry unless you dated him first?
@@TiffanyDawn please help me
I need you
you are like my twin!!!
Thank you so much for this video!! I have experienced a similar situation to the first guy you dated, and I have had a hard time recovering from it. This helped me know what to do for my next steps, but I'm still nervous. If you ever see this, could you go deeper on how to find a good guy to date, and how to avoid thinking and talking about marriage too early?
Oh man, that's such a good idea for a video! And such a tough topic! I'm not sure if you've seen these two videos, but if you haven't, they might be able to help in some way:
James's and my process in deciding we wanted to get married: czcams.com/video/-zgbtlKzNmk/video.html
What to look for in a guy: czcams.com/video/q9Dvy7LboDk/video.html
I hope these two videos can help! ❤️
Your hair is beautiful
What is your take on "innocent" physical intimacy in dating, such as hand holding, kissing, etc.? I know some Christians say none of that is okay, others say it's fine, and yet others pick and choose. What is your opinion?
Well said :) I think a lot of Christian girls have that mind set of, "I shouldn't date anyone I can't see myself marrying." I used to too. I understand that mentality but I no longer agree with it.Yes, go out and just get to know that person for who they are and see how you both get along or not and that's ok :)I like this message :) Thank you
This video is so great! I feel like my parents put so much pressure on me about only getting know guys that I already want to marry!! I was texting with a guy they set me up with and on the fourth day they were like “what are your intentions with this boy” like ?????
Can you do a video on Traveling first time without parents. I want to do more traveling with friends, but don't know how to start.
Oh what a great question! That's so cool! Are you looking to do domestic or international travel with friends? Trying to think of the best tips to give!
I am thinking traveling just to different states. Like New York, Chicago, California, and Florida.
Thank you so much
What do you do if you are in a dating relationship with a guy and you KNOW that he's not who you are supposed to/want to marry, but he's still nice and fun to be around? Should you keep dating him just for the experience and because it's fun to have a boyfriend even if it's not long term? Or is that wasting everyone's time and you should just break it off?
That is such a good question!! Oh man, I don't know if there's one right answer. I think it depends on the person and situation. I think the important things to keep in mind are - 1) It can be easy to get really physical when you're dating, so I think if you're dating just to learn about yourself and enjoy your time together, it's important to make sure you're not getting physically involved. 2) Make sure you talk about your expectations. So if you stay together just to enjoy the time together, one person could end up getting hurt because they are more invested than the other. So it's really important to talk about it openly and make sure you're both honest and know exactly where the other person stands. ... And I think it always helps to talk with an older, wiser person that you trust and get their input. Those are my personal thoughts, but I'd love to hear what you think! I hope this helps in some way!! :)
I really needed to hear this. I am curious now what do you do about guys that expect physical intamacy on dates? Maybe not sex but the guys I have dated (both were Christians) expected that we would at least kiss and one even grabbed my face and kissed me.
Last year I came out of a relationship where there were times when my boundaries were not respected and I felt like I had to be physical due to pressure and he belittled my convictions.
Oh that's such a great question! Yes, that's definitely not good to feel pressured into being physical or going past your boundaries. It's so easy for us as girls to feel badly, or feel like there's something wrong with us if we don't give in. But it's totally okay to say no, and to let the guy know where you stand. And if he doesn't respect that, I think that's a really good sign that he's probably not the kind of guy you want to be with. You deserve a man who respects you and wants to honor you and honor God and to treat you as a daughter of the King. I hope that helps in some way! Much love to you! :):)
I am male, and have had both male and female Christian friends touch me or hug me, often very enthusiastically ( and sometimes awkwardly ) but I have never felt they were sexual towards me.....some people are just demonstrative towards others, and show their affection....Sarah, be glad someone showed enthusiastic affection towards you ! ( would you rather no one hug or kiss you for the rest of your life ? ? )
I think it might be a helpful video if you could do a video on past relationship problems that were unhealthy so many women lower their standards for a guy without realizing for yrs because it's gradual downhill slope
I guess I wish you would have been specific, as to what things come up during dating, that don't come up during friendships, etc.
Oh that's such a great question! So there was one guy I was bffs with for years, and then we started talking about getting married. And once we started moving more towards "dating," we started having all these conversations that we had never had before, things about our past, about our struggles, about how we would work together in a relationship, what our expectations were in a marriage, etc. - and we found out we wouldn't work well together in marriage. I've seen that happen to several of my friends too with guys they were really close with. Some of those conversations are a little too "heavy" for friendship, even when you're bffs. Like you learn some of those things about people during friendship, but not always the depths of it. And I think if you are having a ton of those really deep conversations in friendship, it can lead one or the other person on, because it makes the relationship become very intimate, and can lead to thoughts of, "Is this going somewhere more?" So I guess those are my initial thoughts. I hope that can help in some way! 😍
Thanks for the advice. I guess that it can go bothways, good and bad. I recently had a conversation with someone I was testing the waters, and it became clear to me, that some of the topics I was discussing, were not important, or that I was not worth their time to discuss any nuances, or anything trivial in the vein of discussion. Basically the other person was keeping it strictly business, in our conversation, with no wiggle room for casualness. This helped me a bit to understand that I would one, either not be a good match for this person, from my perspective, or from their perspective, because they didn't allow the conversation to go anywhere personal.
If I hadn't had this conversation, prior to dating them, I might not have had it at all. I probably would have been too smitten to want to ruin a good thing, and they also might have not as been as honest as well, etc.
Side Topic : I wish Dating sites would allow us to put even more preferences when it comes to a dating partner. I personally would want to check the box for me being pro-life, traditional marriage supporter, fundamentalist Christian who actually believes in the whole Bible, such as the Book of Revelation, etc. I feel the options they put out there, are not enough to really help people with their dating strategies.
How do you communicate this when starting to date? As in, I might be in the mindset of getting to know the person, not putting a lot of pressure on myself to figure it all out right away, not thinking about marriage right away, etc., but they might be doing those things. Is there a way to communicate one's mindset around dating to someone you're asking out?
Oh that's such an amazing question!! I'll have to think about that one. Sometimes if the person brings it up, you'll know they are thinking too far down the road and can have a conversation about that. But sometimes you just won't know cause it can be all in their minds and not communicated. And that's when it gets trickier, and I think it's just making sure that nothing you do/say is leading them on / encouraging them to think too far ahead. Those are just my initial thoughts. What a great thing to think about!
I went on a date with a really nice guy who is my friend’s cousin, but he is in no way a Christian. How many dates should I go on before I let him know that it is t going to work out? I don’t want to lead him on but I feel like he deserves more than one date 🙃
I grew up being told to only date someone I might marry and to keep that the focus. I’m now hearing more advice such as this and trying to sort out my thoughts. Although I’m starting to believe that dating at the start might not need to be so serious, I hesitate to go out with lots of people because I’m worried one of us will want to continue the relationship and one won’t. I feel that it’s safer to avoid dating unless I’m reasonably sure about the person but then that leads me to never date anyone because I don’t want to get hurt or hurt anyone else. Am I wrong here or am I just too extreme with it?
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It's interesting how you initially didn't think your husband to be as a serious candidate for marriage. That's my reasoning for more casual dating, but it sometimes tires me out.
Thank you for your video. I am Japanese pastor. and I am home school family. Can I ask a question? I red a book "I kissed dating goodbye" by joshua harris. It was good book for me.
And Now, I watched this video,and other your video. These videos are filled with very good wisdom. And my question is, What is the difference of your thinking and "I kissed dating goodbye"?
For me, I can't find a difference you or " I kissed dating goodbye". Because Your purpose
is be purity in front of God and have good marriage in God's will, and Joshua's too. Of course method is little bit different, heart and purpose are same. What do you think about that?
(Sorry, I am Japanese, my English is not perfect. and Maybe I don't know about definition dating and courtship. In Japanese, I can't find word fitting dating and courtship ).
God bless you!
Wow, I feel like I am starting to live now. I am 34 years old and I have been single since i was 23. At 23 I had my first and last real boyfriend and it lasted for only 3 months, he was really mean. Then I was involved in a christian church for 8 years and they were very controlling. If you wanted to go on vacation you had to get it confirmed by the pastors. It felt like the only people able to be in relationships at the church were the Pastors that were already married and the people who were already married. The church was really small and some marriages failed in the church, the demand for service was high. This gave me a works mentality. Our motto was God then church then family. Family was always put last. If you did not enjoy being single then you did not enjoy the many hours of service spent "serving the Lord". Many times this included late nights of manual labor around the Pastors home. Sexuality was never brought to the for front and I believe being stifled in this way lead to the young adults not being able to address the elephant in the room. Purity meant don't talk about sex. Thinking of even going on a date felt like a sin. They made it feel like you were not trusting God to bring you your husband. Soon the number of women in the church outnumbered the men. There was a season in the church that women and men were told not to sit together during dinner time. I left that church when i was 31 years old. Dating is kind of new to me. The new church that I am at has many men in it. I am thankful to be used in Deaf Ministry there. I am able to go to different retreats and interact with men. I believe that it is healthy to do so. I am not very good at it, but at least I am trying. I feel now that if I was to start dating a person in church that I would be supported in a healthy way. I look forward to the day when I will meet the one. Thank you for the great advice!
WOW!!! I am so sorry you went through that awful experience at your old church! What an unhealthy approach they had to dating! I’m so thankful you were able to leave and find a new and much healthier church - and ways to interact with guys! Thank you Lord!!
@@TiffanyDawn Please help me with this so that I can find a good girl or a woman or someone can help our ministry.
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Please. Every Christian girl. Please watch this to the end. And while you're at it, read/buy/own the book /"How to Get a Date Worth Keeping."/
For most of my dating life from teen years into adulthood, I was not a believer and living in sin: sleeping around, drugs, alcohol, into astrology/random spirituality, etc. and couldn't figure out what the secret was to make relationships work. So at the age of 23 when I came to faith (I'm 28 now) I saw all these "Christian kids" who had never left the church and wandered away and they were all emotionally healthy and not devastated like I was, and marriage material-- people who were younger than me! I was so jealous and sad I had wasted so much time. It was culture shock. But God used that to make me study the bible ravenously as I was trying to "catch up" with all these other people who I perceived as "holier than me" and figure out what God wanted me to be like.
Long story short, I STILL am afraid of men (from what happened in those dating years) and get shaky and cold sweat/panic whenever I even THINK a guy is interested in me (because I'm afraid something sinful will happen) and I still have the issue where I'll like a guy and believe I have to leave him alone or else something sinful will happen. I feel okay being single but would love to get married. Long story short: I'm TERRIFIED to just date people because of my past. I have dated though. The two Christian guys I've dated since I became a believer, both became committed relationships almost after the first or second date, when it really would have been better to not commit so quickly. But I needed to learn from that.
Anyway:
Tiffany, THANK YOU FOR YOUR ADVICE VIDEOS (spiritual gift of wisdom, maybe?!) AND CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BABY!!! It proves that with God all things are possible. Especially love, because God is love. Yay!!! Jesus is awesome!!! ❤❤❤
Could anyone give me some advice? My mom dated around a lot when she was single. She’s very outgoing and always said yes. She wants me to be like that. To ask guys out, not only date a few people. I’ve always been quiet and shy. Never really talking to guys and had the mentality that if one of my first boyfriends I marry then so be it. How can I explain this to her because every time I try she says it’s not realistic.
Kayla Arnold
Hey Kayla!! I’m not a pro at this type of advice but I can tell you right now that you just have a different mindset/personality than your mom. And that is totally okay! Maybe just let your mom know that you think differently, and that u want to take different steps than the ones she took. It’s alright to take things slow!! I like it better that way too. 💛 hope this help a bit xx
Thank you! It really does help!
theres this guy that i rlly wanna get to know more but theres one prob.. idk if its bc of cultural differences.. over here like boy girl relationships are taken very srsly so d sisters and brothers dont rlly get to hang out or get to know each other other than in group settings and by group i mean a huge group so the person u wanna get to know might nt even end up sitting close enough to start a convo. thry have this thing wer like brothers are with brothers and sisters are with sisters most of d time dat it would seem weird/awkward if i were to try to get to know that guy. it doesnt help that hes inactive on social media n we nvr had a text convo bc im supershy n idk wat to say. my biggest prob is i grew up with girls all around me so i had very limited guys that i knew and nvr had any close friends who were guys so im super awkward around guys and tend to have a distance compared to other outgoing girls. i think this fact alone will make it even more obv once i start actually showing interest in a guy. ive always had this idea that ill meet the right one when the time is right but i nvr make a move bc im afraid dat its all just wishful thinking n d guy might nt be the one. its frustrating dat i wanna get to know him better but i cant ask him to hangout with friends other than our church members frm d group without making it awkward.
So kissing dating isnt kissing while dating?
How do you get out of a relationship relationship you're in because your ex best friend set it up and you trying to get out of it but you don't know how to do you block a person on social media or confront them
Oh man that's such a great question! Usually I try to talk to the guy in person or at least on the phone to tell him I want to end the relationship, unless if there's some kind of abuse going on, in which case it might be better to end it another way. Either way, I think it's so helpful to have a "support team" of friends/family around you who know you're about to end the relationship and can help encourage you in that if you second guess the decision afterwards (which is normal to do).
Tiffany Dawn I met him in person and that's actually how everything got started it was because my ex bestfriend told me to get in a relationship with him but I didn't thi nk it was God because he isn't Christian like myself so I suppose it's better to end things because we are unequally yoked
I can't even have casual dates, they reject me all the time, what can I do? I'm 23 and I've never been on a date, relationship or been kissed or anything like that. I can't get to know any woman because they won't hang out with me. I've been happening to me since a teen, and has destroyed completely my self-esteem.
Marco, I didn't have a gf till I was 22. Never went on a date before that.
Re self-esteem: please please know the following:
Your worth in God's Eyes...get your value from this.
I didn't marry till 37; was working on my relationship with my Source first.
Stay encouraged! Not everyone will see the gem in you.
A Ag you were already younger than me when it happened... I’ll never have a gf :(.
@@TheBleset I suspected you might pay close attention to that difference. It might actually have been when I was 22years&10months. But does it really matter?
Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
1)Find the right guy/gal takes time
2)It’s ok to have high standards
I still think courtship is better than dating. It is the way people did it before the 20th Century consumer culture started. Just because it didn't turn out so great one time, doesn't mean it is always bad.
Courtship looked a lot more like dating in the past than modern courtship. Also, marriage was a lot more about financial stability than love or working together.
With fornication, adultery, and the gay lifestyle being trendy, I feel guilty about going with new relationship trends.
@@SantaFe19484 Fornication, adultery, and all other things have always been thriving beneath the surface, things are just more open now. And I wouldn't call dating a new trend. But you should do whatever you feel convicted to do.
I have a horrible time in the dating sector. A lot of wolves disguised as lambs in the online dating pool. People that act like they love God and than want to just have sex. I have gotten super good at the hard questions. I have tried to ask a couple of guys out from my church for coffee via message cause I’m a big chicken and terrified of rejection in person , and both never even responded - they just ignored my request. I found that more hurtful than just saying no thank you I’m not interested. I even told one guy I would just like more guy friends in my life, would you be interested in getting together some time over coffee to get to know each other . Nothing. I’m 40 and divorced with one amazing daughter. So that probably narrows down the options. I just don’t know what I am supposed to do or not do. I know I can’t expect to meet someone without being visible on some level but I also know God can orchestrate things as well. I have been fairly content and not really dated much in this past year and a half - just one date and that ended before it started because he was hung up on someone . It can be discouraging. I know God has someone amazing for me. I know that primary focus is on my relationship with God and that he is and always needs to be my first. I still long for a second though. My marriage wasn’t healthy and I spent many years taking time to heal and grow. i feel as if I’m ready and have much to offer the right person. Just haven’t found a successful way to meet quality people. Guys just don’t seem to show interest in me.
Tiffany, what church do you go to?:)
I go to a little inner city church called "Christ Church." What about you? :)
Tiffany Dawn hmm, here in South Africa we have many churches called Christ Church, wonder if there's an affiliation. My husband and I really tried to find a church but didn't find one we liked in our area, we do home church with a bunch of friends where we watch Door of Hope church online (Portland). They have excellent, biblical teachings. I do feel bad for not going to a church, not sure if it's unbiblical, but these churches around don't bring us closer to God. Luckily, SA is very Christian so we have many friends who share our faith, which is important. Would like to hear your perspective on biblical view of church, I think I might not be the only one struggling with finding a church.
Oh yes you're totally right, there are sooo many Christ Churches around the world! Haha! That's really great you've been able to start a home church and watch Door of Hope online -- what a neat idea! I think you're right -- a LOT of people really struggle to find a church. And I think there are a lot of home churches too, perhaps as a result of that. I think the important thing in a home church is, if at all possible, to make sure there are some older, wiser people involved in your lives to be like "mentors" in a sense. I think that'd be super helpful if you don't have those people involved already! :)
In my experience I'd say wait. It's better to be a virgin until ur 30. Than get married to someone who isn't right for you and both of you becoming bitter towards each other.
Good! Kissing dating good-bye didn't work out well for the guy who wrote it. One of those unbalanced Christian trends. Way to find some balance!
Women seem not to want men these days... it's weird to try and date at my age.. I'm 56.. and divorced... dating just isn't the same. Women reject me all the time.. They have a long LIST of what a man MUST be before they will date him.. they don't even want to talk to you anymore. I see them different places.. and try to talk to them.. they don't want to talk.. they have their phones out and ignore me. It's very weird.
Do you test drive a car before you buy it?? Nuff said!!!
great video . curse of all people . young and dumb . learn the hard way .. like high school a waist of time when could specialize and learn basics . spend more tome on a sport if you have potential life skills. real history , economics , court , rights , building . philophoy religion . then you have life skills for good life .. thats if it out go over yu r head cause your young and dumb . haha. solving world problems . the best way to do it . great video .
we feel pressured and forget we free to be what we want and it just happens .. no worries . not really smart till 35 to 40 . then you may have to change life path due to injuries . so is no real thing to figure out what do with life . just live work on some career and life style . you can figure it all out but health force you to do something else . you learned to slow oppetunoty over . most people die first. .join military a sale to government and a man get killed or injured in anther mans agenda and fight . or disabled from work or play . step back . get away from system and people. what do you want and need. your good. don't think to much about stupid things . haha. get lots there too .
This isn't bible based. In the bible it doesn't talk about Boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. God is serious when it comes to do this. I didn't date my husband because when he presented him to me he just have him the green light to ask him to marry me and we got engaged. My husband before doing all this he prayed and fasted for it and he waited till when we saw each other at a meeting. We meet at church we both served in the same church for three years but we have known each other for 5 years and this month we fulfill 7 months together. It had been such a blessing for me! And I only wait for our kids to come. Also, when the Lord said that he would join us together it was not only for marriage but for ministry! Relationships are and should be something serious not just "getting the experience" or "doing it for fun" when giving advice it has to be bible based not what one thinks of the topic. God bless you.
Did you pray for your husband?
Yes! Prayed and fasted! Before I married him I was like Gedeon.. I kept asking for confirmation! He answered and reassured me I was going to marry the man he had for me.
@@claudiamerino6292 I wonder if that will happen to me.
Yes! Just pray and God will answer you in his time! ❤️ Believe it will be his perfect will.