october is my trauma month // reality of trauma + growing around it
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- čas přidán 10. 10. 2021
- hey bishessss, I hope this video manages to comfort someone. and some more - these videos are not easy to film and edit and upload. it can feel gruelling at times, but I think its important. Don't worry, I don't dive into WHAT my trauma was (that is not what im comfortable with) rather a HOW im managing to cope with it this year. October has always been a daunting month and yet this year, im out of hospital and happy, and that's a massive F U to my ab*ser. please please please let me know your thoughts and feelings from this video. love u always xx
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I love youuuuuu all xx
I am so proud of you. Talking about this is so so difficult and you are absolutely incredible for opening up about this. I had tears in my eyes from some of the things you said because they resonatetd with me and made me feel less alone. Trauma is so unique to each person, as you said, one thing might traumatise one person and not the other and how we react and cope with it is individual to that person. I'm so happy you said that because so many people don't understand. It's coming up to some of my dates and I think the bravest thing I did this year is admitting I've been through trauma which even now typing this makes me feel weird. I always felt like those experiences didn't deserve to be called trauma because other people have it worse and I always belittled the situation and just dismissed it as a "bad thing". But this year I'm doing so well so far and I'm so proud of myself for keeping myself safe. Thank you so much for this video, Marie. You're incredible!💗
martyna, thank you so much for this message. The fact that you recognise that you have experienced trauma is massive. I was very much the same something that I haven’t spoke about online but for some reason feel safe to mention it here… after the trauma came more trauma from the incident it was the gaslighting and manipulation and pressure that I’ve put on myself that really really ruined me if I don’t see myself as a valid person prior if I would’ve seen myself as a strong or just at least a nice person I don’t think this trauma would’ve hurt me so hard. The Self Harm the hospital admissions the pain that you go through, it’s only made worse if you don’t forgive yourself first. I’m sending you massive hugs thank you for this comment, and thank you for inviting me to an open and safe space where I could open up even more 💕
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAYING THAT TRAUMA DOESN'T CHANGE YOU FOR THE BETTER! sorry for the all caps lol, but I feel like people think/say there always has to be something good or a lesson to come out of everything bad. I haven't seen anyone else actually acknowledge or have my same belief that I wasn't meant to learn some big life lesson from my trauma, or that it's changed me for the better, because it almost makes you feel like you have to be grateful. sorry for the rant but thank you so much for validating my feelings on this! lots of love ❤❤
omg micheal🥺😭 I totally understand the way that you feel. I haven’t, either, seen a lot of people talk about the fact that Ruman is not empowering but rather just a huge negative on your life. I don’t know how many people agree with this, but I don’t care, because for me this is the truth. Trauma broke stole and controlled my life for far too long. Thank you for this comment, I was really worried that I was going to say something that people were offended or felt invalidated by. Just want to say a massive thank you and I’m sending you so much love.💕💕
Thank you for touching on the reality of trauma and how we are expected to feel ‘stronger’ or ‘empowered’ by the situation because we’ve survived it. I relate to the frustration you feel towards the positive comments and expectations when recovering from trauma because it is far from reality. It’s so hard to convey what you’re going through in your own mind to others who haven’t been through what you’ve gone through. I related to a lot of what you were saying here so thank you Marie!
Sara, thank you so much for this message. I totally understand the confusion around supposed to be feeling empowered. I mean it might be true for some people but for me that’s bullshit. I would’ve been stronger if I didn’t have trauma, yes I may be a lot of a nicer more understanding an empathetic person now that I’ve experienced trauma but I know I didn’t make me strong - it broke me. i’m sending so much love to yyou - thankyou 💕
@@marieroseeee I’m the same, sometimes I feel weak because I’ve failed in feeling like a stronger person from the result of my trauma but I have to remind myself that people deal with situations in all different kinds of ways. However, regardless of whether you feel like a stronger person or not from trauma, you should still recognise the difficulties that you have been through and be incredibly proud of yourself for making it through or carrying on! Sending you so much love and respect back Marie 💕
“it’s not going to heal you, but it will keep you safe.” instant tears.
When the cold weather kicks in it's really hard on me, i can notice the slightest change in the air and it brings back horrible memories and sensations :( but what is helping this year is trying to hype myself up for Halloween! Planning my costume, listening to spooky music, putting together cute outfits that keep me warm - and it seems to be keeping the bad feels at bay for now :)
So proud of you gorg💓 you’re glowing!!
Marie I'm so proud of you for talking about this!!! Honestly I could not be happier to see you making this kind of content. Trauma is the main thing I tend to talk about on my Instagram and to friends etc bc it honestly baffles me how the world is not more trauma informed and especially the mental health field?? Everything is rooted in trauma if you ask me, so this is SUCH an important issue to talk about, thank you xxx
thank you so much Sophie, I completely agree it’s weird that even though there’s so much trauma going on every day in the world people are so blindsided by it and think it’s one thing when it’s actually just the complete opposite. This content isn’t like the easiest film however I do feel more fulfilled having done it because I feel a lot more in control and I’m genuinely happy now. I’m sending you massive hugs and love 💕
i don't know what to say other than thank you. i have been watching your videos since you started and it makes me so happy to see you so much happier. you are such an inspiration so thank you xx
Thank you so much Marie for opening up about this important topic. You are amazing for opening up and making people feel less alone, myself included. I have been struggling with this for some time but i felt better after watching your video. Thank you so much for being a beautiful person. Mind yourself ❤❤
Im so glad to se yo ú so happy! You helping me thorugh so much when it comes to mental health issues. Im struggeling myself with severe mental illness and was hospitalized a couple months ago. You keep me going on and keep fighting!
i always feel so connected to you when i watch your videos - you come across so genuine and kind and make me feel so comfortable !!
I love you sharing your thoughts with us. there are many ways in which I relate. thank you. I am glad you are in a safe place to share with us. thank you for taking care of yourself. you show us how to care about ourselves too :)
Marie,
May I start off with saying I absolutely adore you! I admire how far you’ve come and you continue to push through every single day! You’ve inspired me for the better and have helped me through really tough times. I love watching your videos and learning about you and your story. I love that you’re an advocate for mental health and have strived even through the negative comments and pathetic social media guidelines. You’re literally an angel from above and I’m honoured to have been able to learn about your story! Just… thank you so so much!💕
You're incredible Marie, honestly I appreciate you so much.
On a side note .. your makeup always looks absolutely stunning and you're so gorgeous without makeup, too. 😍🔥
Ly girl 💕 xxxxx
This was such an honest, real discussion about trauma. Also massive respect for your boundaries on talking about this with people including CZcams because you don't owe anyone any information. So nice to see you doing so well. I wish you all the best with your trauma therapy! ❤
So proud of you Marie. Loved when you talked about how people internalise trauma completely different. It’s a horrible feeling, feeling like your trauma isn’t ‘serious’ enough because other people have it way worse then you, but it’s just how we each deal with things in a different way.
I love you talking about topics that just aren’t talked about enough! Xxx
October is a difficult month for me too, because of my trauma. And hearing your input and how you feel about your trauma is truly empowering. You are empowering. I am so proud of you and your growth as a person, it's utterly amazing to see. I hope you keep up that fantastic work, I know you work so hard for peace of mind. You deserve all the best in the world. We love you, Marie. xx
I absolutely needed this video, thankyou so much for putting yourself out there for us.
october is my worst month as well. i have my trauma anniversary in this month, as well as the majority of my big "rock bottoms" in october. it's a very triggering time for me and i know it sounds silly, but just knowing someone else out there has a burning hatred for this month is oddly comforting (sorry that it's at your expense though...) this video was something i really needed to hear. sending you extra hugs and love this month
Dear Marie,Im not joking when I say this:I literally waited for this kind of video with all my heart and soul,im so proud of you,this is a HUGE thing you made me cry happy tears watching this.Ive been following ur chanel from the beginning of it and was always so sad and even concered and scared seeing you so sick(at the same time it gave me feeling that im not alone so tnx for that but in the meantime I start looking for help and Im better now,too)but even then I was thinking to myself please please dont give up beautiful soul you hurting so much,give us your story of recovery.And here it is.Not to be pathetic but you SHINE.You are SO INSPIRATIONAL.You said so much truthful,helpful and meaningful things in this video,I agree with all.Thank you for everything.I really love you as a friend and feeling so close to you even tho I dont know you in person.Killing it QUEEN.❤
It's so good to see you so happy ❤️
Marie it’s been an honour to follow your journey - I’m so sorry you have to carry all this but you are so wise and helping so many others. I went through horrific trauma as a child and never told anyone - was a super achiever, excelled at everything, dare not show my shame…then in my 30s it all came to ahead - the eating, drinking, self harming, crazy impulsive behaviour. I was diagnosed BPD and like you finally got the 26 week therapy. It changed my life so powerfully - it was THE hardest thing ever and pushed me to the edge but since it finished I’ve just got stronger and stronger over the subsequent years. I’m finally at some kind of peace x
We got this ✌️ this was a really reassuring video in a way, hope you're okay Marie xo
When you said that traumatic event & how people apart of the event wouldn't be affect as much as the other person & how we all go through it differently. that really hit so hard Marie i took that from this video
Thank you for being you!! You are amazingly strong… I just want to thank u~ for your strength & the courage to share ur life w others!! 💕💕
you are so so SO kind and thoughtful. sending love 💕
Kind of off topic, but I love your face and expressions. It’s like calming and gentle smiles that you give. I like them🥰
Hi Marie, I know this is a very very late response, but like you said trauma is different for everyone. I've had people and by people I actually mean my parents tell me that what I had experienced wasn't trauma and I was overreacting. But I don't blame them they don't know what it feels like for me. I'm just so happy you've talked about this. I'm also happy to say that I'm doing so much better this year and I've finished therapy after like 4 years and I'm so proud of myself! Of course there are always things/goals I wanna work towards, but I think it's good to have certain goals. I'm so proud of how far you've come and you've helped me and so many other people through all of the hard times! I love you and keep doing what you do! ❤️❤️❤️
not even finished watching but just the intro had me 🥺 not enough words, just in awe of you💖
🥺💕
Marie you are one special gal, someone I've always looked up to. Your doing so well.
You make me want to recover from self harm and suicide attempts. I finally want to get better after years of torment in my own brain and bpd
love you, love you 💕
Thank you so much for this, I’m currently in first year of a levels and I’m fooking hating it it’s such a triggering environment so I always look forward to your videos as a comfort. So nice to see you so happy and Smiling ❤️❤️
georganna, I have so much to say to you. Six form was one of the places that really broke me and you’re right was very traumatising. I genuinely think six form completely shattered me and I really don’t want that to happen to you. Therefore, even if I can’t change your circumstances, I can offer you some advice, some advice that I wish I’d known. Life is all about you okay life may seem to just be about qualifications, holidays, family, friends and socialising. At the end of the day you only have yourself and make yourself your own rock I promise you that by taking control now for believing in yourself and not allowing something like school to break you. There is so much more to life than school. It’s hard. I’m not gonna take that away from you at all and the pressure is immense, but if you manage to create some stability, King onto a bit of hope, you will get there to the place you want to be, whether you have the qualifications or not. And one day you will be happy. Sending love😞💕
✨RANT✨
Even though what happened to me was 6 and 4 years ago (both cuz of my dad 😐), I'm only getting flashbacks now. It's been the hardest few months, idk how to feel about it. Like I love my dad but I hate him for what he did to me and my siblings. I feel like shit because he doesn't even care and I'm having to go through so much because of him
i’m sending you endless love - please stay safe 😞💘
Your courage and your perseverance is beyond admirable girlie. In complete awe of you and your commitment to yourself. So unbelievably proud of you always and forever❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
rosie rosie rosie🥺🥺🥺🥺
💛 you came across so mature, well spoken and well articulated in this video on such a broad yet personal and sensitive topic 💛
Kayleigh, that’s really mean so much to me I’m often described as chaotic or frantic in a lot of videos. It’s strange when I find a topic hard to talk about that I actually think about what I’m saying and how I’m saying it. The fact that you picked up on this is so so huge for me so I just wanna say thank you, I hope you have a great day and I really do appreciate this being said 💖
im so proud of you🌟 havent commented in a while, been a silent viewer recently but you have grown so much & deserve so much. sending all the love in the world
maddy, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I myself are are a silent viewer too many people and this comment has made me want to be a lot more vocal on videos that I think are good or powerful. I just really appreciate the fact that you commented this, I recognise your name, I think I definitely follow you on Instagram. But to take time out of your day to make a different action to support me is amazing. Just want to say a massive thank you, big hugs and I hope you have many a small joy throughout the day💕
so proud of and thankful for you. turned to you when I developed destructive habits because I didn't think people talked about these things. thank you for talking about it, once you feel it is the right time of course. if no one else (which is definitely false as shown by the comments below), I deeply deeply appreciate your openness. I do think about you and revisit your videos to remind myself that that kind of openness exists, that it is possible, and that healing is possible even and especially when we convince ourselves it is not. you have another person here thinking about you and cheering you on more thank you know. much love
making me emosh!!! thankyou so much - huge hugs 💗💗
This is really great, sending you the biggest hug❤️
sending so much love xxx
I had blocked my trauma out for 8 years to the point I literally couldn’t remember it- and psychiatrists kept looking for a trigger in my childhood but I couldnt identify it at all bc no memory. Then one day I remembered it bc i really it was the person involved birthday and its been so annoying to know that someone who ruined my childhood absolutely wrecked my teenage years and I didn’t even remember for so long. Fuck trauma and fuck anyone who caused it for others
So good to see you Marie 😌💕
thankyou ellie 🥰
This felt like old marie 🥺🥺 the best few videos lately, promoting recovery and showing the flip side of being at your lowest point. ur incredible :))
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺💖
I was so excited to watch this video! i loved the raw honesty and hearing what you've learned throughout your trauma therapy. Its amazing how far you've come marie, like seriously I'm so proud of you! It makes me so happy to see you in your recovery stage. I love you you're so strong and pretty and this video made my evening❤☺
kyla🥺🥺🥺 this comment means so much to me. it really doeS - thankyou 💖
@@marieroseeee ❤❤❤
Alberto was in a Feisty mood. He's ready to fight the scaries away
Thank you for explaining the mind set thing. I've had a lot of people say that to me and didn't actually understand how the hell that's possible but I really like this video, it's so good to see you in a good mood specific to being proud of your own recovery. Also your trauma is your own, it's something that happened to YOU. you did not ask for it. But now it's here so nobody gets to tell you how to deal with it and nobody else needs to know the specifics. It also doesn't define you, you are a million things before you are what someone else did to you
woW “ you are 1 million things before you are what someone did to you”. words to live by 💖
This video made me so happy☺ Marie you have grown so much and I'm so proud of you. The fact you have started speaking about things that you wouldn't of done a few years ago is incredible and you give me so much strength. Trauma is something I very much struggle with too so I totally understand where your coming from and I can totally relate to what your saying. I've watched you grow for so long and your doing so amazing and are truly such an inspiration towards me and so many :) this video has given me so much courage and motivation and I appreciate that so thank you. I COULDN'T OF BEEN PROUDER OF YOU GIRLY 💗 keep going Marie, your absolutely smashing life x
In terms of myself, I'm doing okay. Things have been very up and down recently but I've just started a full time job (I haven't worked full time since I was 17 due to mental health) but I'm finding it so good and I'm coping really well with it at the moment and at this minute life is okay for me 😎
Honesty Marie this video has really helped me, and I couldn't appreciate you more. Just you speaking about everything in this video and trauma in particular has given me so much more strength and I've taken in everything you have said. I'm extremely grateful for you and I'm sending lots of love x Great video Marie 💙
Well said! It makes me so happy to see her feel so comfortable in herself, it couldn’t be more well deserved. And well done on the job!! It’s hard as hell to step back into things. I’m working on the same thing myself, it feels like a frustratingly slow process at times. Good luck with everything!
you both make me want to cry. Thank you so so so so so so much, honestly without people like you I would not be the person I am today 💕
‘The Body Keeps the Score’ was a super helpful read for me, Marie. Made everything fit into place. Well done - you are making such good progress 💕
Yes definitely!!! I think everyone should read this book honestly lol, probably the best book ever written on trauma
So proud of you talking about this & coping through your traumaversary. It made me a bit teary when you said "people have treated you like shit" lol, like that gif of Britney crying, nodding, and saying "yeah" lol. I agree completely with your opinions on people who offer platitudes like it made you stronger. Trauma has created irrevocable damage to my mind & body, I am resilient like many mentally ill people have to be, but I'd be 10x more resilient if I didn't have a mountain of trauma to survive!!! I commented on your last vid mentioning I dropped out of trauma therapy bc of how angry it was making me, just thought I'd add, I was about 20 sessions in to EMDR & part of my decision was actually to do with the reality that no therapy was going to make what happened "okay", and I just had to live with that? Not like... suffer with it per say, but I was waiting for this magic moment where I would feel like a new person, which doesn't come & I felt like what I needed was to experience the world & other people as safe, and you can't get that completely in a therapy room. I don't know how you feel about books, but The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk and Trauma & Recovery by Judith Herrman was really eye opening and informative.
P.S. still occasionally imagine killing some of my perpetrators to this day (less often & less intrusively than before) or at the least some light torture. Lol. I think it's normal & adaptive, in my grad cert at uni I read a study about mother's of children that experienced CSA in a support group, and how helpful it was for them to disclose their violent fantasies to each other so they didn't feel like horrible violent people lol. I'll even tell you a really fucked one I used to have when the trauma was more fresh. I used to imagine pointing an unloaded gun at the person and watching them piss themselves in terror and then telling them to beg for their life, pulling the trigger, watching the realisation the gun wasn't loaded & laughing in their face. Fun, huh? ;)
honestly, yeah that’s fucking funny to me. Anyone that evokes trauma to someone deserves to have an own loaded gun pointed at them and I want them to Swan. I’m really intrigued by these books that you have mentioned, are they on side with trauma does it make you stronger or are they on side of trauma is empowering. I hope that since you’ve dropped out of trauma therapy you are still managing to understand that although the trauma is there you are not it. Thank you so much for commenting on my video and taking the time to really talk about something that iPhone is so important that really means a lot to me so thank you sending massive hugs and love💕
@@marieroseeee the books aren't necessarily on a side, they more just present what the research says, but in a far less academic and jargon-y way. They don't try to draw any conclusion about what trauma means to an entire group with different experiences and responses. It's more objective, but obviously both are professionals who work with trauma victims so it does include anecdotes and things, and I suppose tries to suggest that trauma can be healed from & some people do a lot better mentally if they are able to find some kind of meaning from what happened to them, but not everyone can or will. They also discuss the possibility of 'stress inoculation' for people who have experienced trauma that go on to work with trauma victims themselves, like some folk are not horrified by the work because it doesn't confront them in the same way. But that's as much as I remember on the whole ~trauma makes you stronger~ shit lol
Thanks for your kind words lovely, I do think my life experiences contributed to who I am, but it's not all of me. :) massive hugs your way too sweetheart x
I’ve been watching you for years. You’ve come so far and I’m super proud of you❤️
thankyou so much angel 💕
@@marieroseeee honestly if you need anything.. my social media’s are there! love ya💕
Wow, I really felt you comment at the beginning about how mental illness has stole 7 years of your life. That sums up my life too, I was unwell for 7-8 years and then I started to get better and then wanted to help others too, hence starting my CZcams channel. Sending love and hugs, I'm rooting for you!, 💕🤗
so proud of you!! sending all my love and succeS to you 💕
@@marieroseeee you're actually so sweet and amazing! This literally made me smile :) I'd love to have a proper conversation one day 💕
Yes! This was so powerful
Hi I've been watching most of of videos and still a few to watch, I admire how well you have come along I myself have been through hell and back since I was 5 years old right till now and I'm 42 year old I've spent 2020 Oct right to sep 2021 in and out of hospital for my mental health I have EUPD, depression and anxiety and fibromyalgia I struggle every day but I've started doing you tube vlogs which helps me get through x
Adore your courage and strength 💕
Well done darling I’m proud of you xxxx
I'm struggling and in a bad way with anorexia. I'm terrified of all the upcoming festive things happening and don't want to ruin it for my family but I don't know what do to. Would so appreciate a video on coping with an Ed during the next few months ❤❤ love always xxx
You've got this❤
Keep going, your smashing it and you've got this girl 💗
@@hopebashford2645 that's so kind thank you so much xx
@@Ashley-jz2fi thank you so so much ❤xx
I think she already has a couple years ago! you can do this ♡
To me You are so strong to deal with your trama , I'm a complete coward when I go there I only know the fight part I never had the opportunity to run away. I don't know how to let go of things and let someone help me as I trust no one and don't trust anyone to truly help . Thank you for doing this channel I learn so much from it and the past videos .
Curtis, this is made me well up. you are so strong and caring and supportive and you’ve helped me so much with all of your comments recently. I just want to say thank you and I know you will get to a place where you can trust somebody, sending massive hugs💕
@@marieroseeee thank you Marie I appreciate you for all that you do girl your amazing . I will always try to support you in everything you do . I believe in you . Stay beautiful and know I truly appreciate your comment it's a nice thing to get ❤️❤️❤️
I was thinking about your video today when you said you would punch your your younger self in the face. Which it so valid, you are mad that they made things now harder for you. But today i thought about my younger self as a child. Cus I was a child. And you wouldn't blame a child for messing up and feeling big emotions like you do looking back at teenager you. They are looking for an adult to help them and now you are the adult they need. To look back at them and say " I understand you needed help " and if you mess up any now. You are still a child, and you need future adult you to help you because right now you csn feel powerless or impulsive and need compassion and maybe you are the only one that can give you compassion.
Anyways just My thoughts at looking at passed Me differently . Everything you are still processing, thinking and feeling are very valid. I hope you are doing okay ❤❤
It's nice to see you happy sweet ❤️
thanks meg - sending love 💕
We got dis ✌️ came here from your insta story 😘
Honestly though I'm so greatful that you do share part of your life with us online, the highs and the lows, because if it wasn't for people like you, people like us would have so many unanswered questions and for some of us struggling we'd probably still be struggling in silence. #itsokaytonotbeokay 😘
There's been so many things when watching your videos that I've sat and thought to myself OMG I thought this was just me that thought this or OMG I thought I was the only one doing this.. But then I watch your videos and because you open up so much and are not scared to share with us so honestly how your feeling and your opinions on different mental health subjects so openly there's loads of things for me personally I wouldn't have got help with 💗 Honestly your one of my favourite CZcamsrs, it literally makes my day everytime that notification bell goes off to say you've uploaded. I don't know if your aware but I've been in crisis situations and as one of my coping strategies I calm myself down get into bed, TV goes on and I watch your mental health videos. You've literally helped me so much through your own journey online there's so much I can relate to and realise I'm definitely not the only one who thinks certain things I'd be too scared to ask someone else. Honestly you have a subscriber for life 🙌😘💗
Xoxo
I feel so enlightened
AMAZING Video Sweetie!!! You are such a voice! All the love
love u!!!!!
I'm exactly the same about hospital. It was traumatising for me, and I can't even tolerate going to the hospital for a general appointment now 🤢 anxiety is mega and the smell and everything 😨🤢
❤ xxx
U r the best Marie xoxo 💚
you da bestest 💕
Hey Marie, I really admire the courage you have to talk about this with us, and we are lucky for your honesty. This video is SO IMPORTANT and I am massively grateful to you, for voicing the things you have here. You have been through so much, and you shouldn’t have had to. The suffering you have known is not fair, but you are taking control.
I am in therapy for trauma too, and have been for the past 10 years for stuff from my childhood that is irrevocably echoed in every facet of my life for the past … 14 years, when I remembered everything that was hidden from me. Im 28 and I feel ive lost some of the most important parts of young adulthood from my trauma. And I have most definitely lost relationships, hurt myself over and over and continue to with drugs, eating disorders, self harm, over doses etc. When I was 14 I was hospitalised for 2 years, and when I was 17 diagnosed with BPD. Multiple break downs later and they changed that to bipolar and I know I have CPTSD not BPD.
I really struggle to understand how psychiatry can label a person with a personality disorder, because of their response to trauma. I imagine so many people have been traumatised and their way of surviving and the manifestation of that pain gets labelled a personality disorder? Its SO DAMAGING. And so traumatic in itself to be labelled. From that label I came to believe I was a bad person, disordered at the core, everything I was going through was my fault, I was making these terrible decisions, I was making myself ill, I was seeking attention, I was being dramatic. And all of those things meant my trauma felt like it was my fault, and it did anyway cause I always felt like I must be bad. And then I get told I have a “personality disorder”, and treated like absolute shit by MH professionals who literally had the audacity to not bother trying to hide their judgement of the illness.
I know all of these things are not true of people with a BPD diagnosis and that there are people with the diagnosis who do not have trauma. But the language around it is SO AWFUL. The psychiatric world needs to shift its focus, and the newer label of EUPD is also damaging. Anyway this is just my experience of it. And its convenient most of us with the label are women. It’s a misogynistic diagnosis, I feel like they slap it onto any young womans notes, who presents in distress.
You should feel so proud of getting to this point in your recovery, to say fuck you to the date, and to allow yourself to stay safe as you have always deserved. Trauma is so engrained its like an automatic thing in our bodies. For me, every day is a trauma day, not a day goes by, not even sometimes 10 minutes go by without flash backs or thoughts or something.
Its so great that you can feel your feelings and get that rage out. So much of trauma is stuffed down and festers, infecting us from the inside and we end up doing things to avoid the pain and numb - oh yes, drugs, alcohol, food, cutting. Leave my body. Its too hard to stay in it. God its hard.
I agree so much, being called a warrior, survivor etc is just patronising. It didn’t kill me but it did not make me stronger. Its has actually broken my spirit and my soul and it hurts so fucking bad its unreal. And I’ve spent the past 14years, trying to pretend that its not. Wondering how can I have such a bad reaction, gas lighting myself, feeling dramatic, like im just making it worse, for attention. The few family who know about it have made me keep quiet about it, and continue to have a relationship with the person who hurt me. I’ve been forced to have Christmas and weddings. Dry your eyes, stay strong, pretend nothings wrong its just a day. They didn’t mean it.
Sorry for this long long long emotional probably over the top comment. I am really grateful for your honesty and understanding. Seeing this makes me feel both comfort and sadness. Im sorry you know this, but im grateful im not alone. Take it easy its so great to see you posting more. And to anyone who has read this, take care, stay safe, im sending you strength. XX
Frances, wow what a beautifully painful message to read. Firstly, just want to say sorry for all the trauma that you have endured, you don’t have to ever explain yourself, however I do hope that you find this common section a place where you are allowed to speak, no one is telling you to be quiet anymore. Trauma breaks people as you well know - But there are safe spaces in the world. The fact that you wrote this whole message not only screams to me the pain but I want to thank you for the absolutely incredible support and proundnwss that I have felt from this message. it hurts me that you’re in so much pain but like I did say, we’re all in this together. I hope you can always find some solace or just some peace in my common section and I would love to always be able to respond to your messages in the way that you have given them to me, to tell you a story, which is so so important for people to hear. I can tell that you are such a strong person and sending you massive hugs big love and lots of hopeful little joys throughout the day 💖
@@marieroseeee 🥺🥺🥺 thanks so much Marie sending love xx
I am so proud of u being an abused person my self i struggle so much wifh self belief nd understandin why he did those things to me what made me the evil person but with time nd coucilling i have realised it was all him
Dogs have the funniest facial expressions sometimes. My little boy always looks so sad and serious until he sees me eating. Then he turns into a wiggy 🐷
YES MARIE BE THE BADDEST BITCH YOU ARE. As horrible as it is, and as painful I imagine it is, I'm so glad to be here and watching you grow, and be your best self. You deserve it so much, I love you babe
love you
love yooo0u x
I have hospital trauma and even going to the dentist now upsets me because of the smell and how clinical it is. Absolutely hateeee it
YES OMG!!!!!
i really needed this, thank you
thankyou! and regal rose, my love xxx
Such a great video 🥰🥰🥰
I was also laughing at that song saying "you're so vain you probably think this song is about you" when it literally is about them hahaha
everytime you post it always seems to be relevent or something i need to hear. Have loved watching your journy this far and am so happy youre happier
How do you put mascara on for so long and it doesn't go clumpy your eyelashes are gorgeous what mascara do you use??
😂😂 i do like the clumpy look tbh!
XOX
Hello I think you are a beautiful young woman cool and very unique I think you are incredibly tough and strong for the things you have gone through and fight through and keep going keep going you are amazing tough to powering through your accident and keep moving I'm sure your feet are just as cute even after missing your toe keep being beautiful keep going you are amazing I have mental health issues myself I have and try to push through it helps me and makes.me happy to watch you fight through things keep it up keep rocking you got it take it easy thanks for the help and videos take care
Off topic but which contour products did you use gal?
i use a dark concealer from revolution and the hoola bronzer from benefit 💞
I personally love this . I have ptsd and adoption trauma, I found the most amazing trauma therapist . She’s helping me get treatment for my ptsd . I love having her in my corner . My mom pays for it . And I am so lucky to have a mom that wants me to get better
katelyn, you deserve everything then comes your way. You’re the one with the trauma, please be kind to yourself. I’m so glad to hear you have supportive people around you. Sending big hugs💕🥺
For me I think I have a trauma anniversary around 31st October cos we went into second lockdown.
i went to the hospital last year in december, and i am terrified i will end up there again this year
sending such big hugs. u got this sarah 💕
I feel validated actually realising that usually people who get really really ill have trauma. So as someone with no trauma I feel relieved thinking it's a different playing field I don't have to compete with them. I don't have to be as poorly as them I only need to compare myself to mentally ill people with no trauma coz that's like the same level whereas trauma ppl have a massive boost to be more ill coz trauma can cause severe mental illness which is less likely to come about just by your genes. I know this is about validation and competition and not really to do with the video but it's what it brought up for me. Idk if this is rude someone tell me pls and ill delete it.
I understand but I actually feel the opposite. Like I’ve had no trauma so I can’t suffer with mental health, I must be making it all up somehow. Or like I’m not worthy of any help or support you know? And it’s like I’m getting worse and don’t know why so I find it quite frustrating. I see your point tho
@@char230 aww you definitely still deserve help some illness' you are born with or are just in your genes, not all mental illness is caused by trauma that is for certain. You definitely are worthy of help if you're struggling regardless of the reasons why like if it's your lifestyle or genes or trauma. Hope you can feel better soon xx
@@tessward2221 thank you, wishing you the best too
I completely understand how you feel (I also don't have any significant trauma alongside my mental illness) BUT you don't "need" to compare yourself to anyone. I'm sure you've already heard this a ton before. I know how strong the need to compare ourselves to others can be, especially when we've been starved of validation, but comparing your illness to others in any way will never be productive to your recovery. Your deserve proper care and treatment and support even if others have been worse off. You deserve to feel like your illness is valid and that your suffering has been significant, regardless of how poorly others have been. The need for comparison is just a symptom of feeling unworthy and undeserving on a personal level - at the end of the day this is a self worth issue. Comparison keeps us mentally ill, it gives us an incentive to give into our illness and allow it to further ruin our lives. Even if you get better, it only feeds into a chronic pattern of relapse. You deserve better than that. It's not worth it. It's really important to let go of this need because otherwise a proper recovery is almost impossible.
Like you've acknowledged, there are too many complicating factors that feed into the development of a person's mental illness and they are all out of our control. It doesn't make sense to compare these individual experiences off of arbitrary measures of severity like self harm, attempts, hospitalisation, etc. A lot of these measures are mostly based on how accessible MH services are to you anyway, which varies so much depending on where you are.
@@boinkadoinkk Thanks for taking the time to write all that. I hear what you're saying and am definitely going to try to stop with the comparison. Xxxx
✌🏽 we got dis!
ily!!!!!
@@marieroseeee usurious just watch and don’t really comment but I saw your insta and I thought this video is such a special video for so many different reasons and can help so many different people and that deserves some recognition! Thank you for being so brave and sharing this with us xx
If you mess with Marie watch out! Btw what’s your dogs name Marie ❤️
Albie! xxxx
Thank you for this video ❣️ I'm just going through a rape suit ... I'm so exhausted 😔 but its not the time to give up 🙄
sending you absolute mountains of love. 💖
Wish I could be in recovery things are so shit right now
Your doing amazing, keep going :) you've got this x
you have already achieved the first step. wanting to change is something that recovering you can be so grateful to you for
Wanting things to change is the first step- and a much bigger one then you’ll think, possibly the biggest one you can take so be proud of yourself. Every second is a second closer to being in a better place and recovering and enjoying life again. Stay strong ❤️
wanting change is the first step to accept and change. Remember nothing changes, if nothing changes. Sending you so much love💜
What an intelligent lady you are. DBT ferda win;)
you look so well Me look after one self???
Marie have you ever met a fan in real life?
I have trauma simply from being late diagnosed autistic. Not sure how to deal with that.
I get that. I feel for the lost generation of autistics. Fellow autie
yeah, learning how to navigate neurotypical society is traumatic for us, then relearning how to care for ourselves as neurodivergent people is such an ongoing process
I have a similar experience growing up with undiagnosed ADHD. School was shit. It created some nasty core beliefs about myself and an enduring sense of shame and worthlessness. I've had a low self esteem since I was like 5. I felt very othered growing up and I didn't understand why, no matter how hard I tried, so I blamed myself. I honestly don't think I would've developed the mental illnesses I have (at least to the same extent) had my ADHD been at least recognised and acknowledged. I can't begin to imagine what it would've been like with undiagnosed autism. It's a really hard thing not only to have grown up with, but also in coming to terms with feeling like others didn't care enough to really consider the possibility that we were genuinely struggling. The anger and hurt I had over the whole thing was maybe the hardest to deal with. I hope you find the support and care you deserve.
WE DO NOT CARE 💪🏼💪🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼🤘🏼