Jacob Ham, PhD: "The Opposite of Trauma is Presence" (Ep 1 of the Fresh Start Podcast)
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- čas přidán 7. 06. 2024
- I talk to Rabbi Shais Taub about topics including "epigenetic" transmission of Holocaust trauma in Jewish families; the effects of childhood neglect on adults; and how the opposite of trauma is learning to live in the present. This is the first episode of a podcast for the Fresh Start Retreat Center, for which I am a clinical advisor.
For more information about the Fresh Start Retreat Center visit www.thefsrc.com or call 888-373-7481.
At last! I've found a Dr who actually talks about healing from adverse childhood experiences in a way that aligns meaningfully with my personal experiences of processing my trauma.
Here after reading Stephanie Foo 🙏 Thank you for all you are doing 🙏
Each time I hear you you open another door for my journey to healing. Thanking you just isn't enough.
Finally. Found someone on the same page and insight . I had delivered a testimonial outlined in an observation of someone traumatize. Sorrowfully disregarded by psychologists at the start of a complex trauma related incident . In confidence I am grateful that impacts are progressing upward for the healing of many in regards to dr. Jacob Ham insightful gift . God bless human being . Praise God that this humbling effects are directing us all toward clearer path in valuing one another.
You're so right about neglect.
I was living like that and is something I cannot verbalize. I thaught it was because of early sexual abuse that I could not adress the neglect I was into.
Wow, in one word ‘Neglect’ you validated my whole life. Thank you Dr. Ham!!
You are the most intelligent human being. I have so many recollections, both personal, and as a witness to the neglect of others.
I'm sure I'm not the only person who benefits from this helpful information and explanation 🎉 thank you so much!❤
So glad to learn of you from Stephanie Foo's book. Thank you so much for making your knowledge accessible to us. It is very kind and generous of you and I am very grateful to be able to hear what you have to say on matters concerning mental health and in particular complex ptsd. What a valuable gift to humanity! I think compassion and self compassion are among the many ingredients to the trauma healing recipe so I am turning my attention to the works of Kristin Neff (PhD) and Rick Hanson (PhD). Rick Hanson is the President and Founder of the Global Compassion Coalition -- so needed in our world today in my view. Thank you again for this talk I find so useful.
its a relief to know some people are still capable of caring about others deeply~
Dr. Ham, what you said really touches my heart. I don't know why, but I will think about it in my life.
definitely was useful for this one person here 😁
who's with me?
i love your channel, so glad I've stumbled upon it. the way you explain attachments is so helpful!!!!
Super appreciate highlighting research proving things like the consequences being visited to the third and fourth generation. And that this can heal and takes compassion and attuned other.
wow! I love the way you work and the way you are. ❤❤❤ Thanks so much to both of you.
You sure did resonate. I have been watching Sadhguru videos, and he says similar things about the heart and wavelengths of feelings with others. This and your other videos about avoidance and anxious attachment seem to be helping my boyfriend and myself. He is anxious and so jealous and gets angry, while I am afraid and want to run away. Now, I realize when he is angry or says he can't trust me, it's not because he doesn't love me, which is what I had thought, but exactly the opposite. He loves me so much that he is afraid I will break his heart and he is so scared of that because of his attachment trauma. So, I broke up with him before, because I thought he was just being selfish, but now I got back together and we are having good conversations because I know that sometimes he is the angry person "at the door" trying to protect the "hurting little child inside the room". That metaphor was so powerful. Now, when he gets mad or starts to criticize me, I see him as this guy trying to protect the child inside, and I reach out to him to show him I love him, and I makes him so much happier and easier to be with. Thank you so much!!
This is the most incredible outcome I could hope to imagine. Do you mind if I repost this on my blog? It's so spot on.
Best ever. Thank you. Really have learned so much more.
@@JacobHamPhD this is not trauma bonding?
good for u that u r sticking up with him..but watch out ..as it might lead to a life long effort on ur part..u shd be self aware..that much constant work on a relationship can be tiring...when will u be free to just be and enjoy ur life...what abt ur comfort??
@@aks0555 exactly! i think somebody esle should be doing this work for him, not his partner. this doesn't sound good...
Your videos have changed my life …. Thankyou
Amazing retreat!this program is like no other!it treats the core of trauma, unlike most therapeutic healing where they focus on depression and anxiety....it was an amazing experience.. Thanks everyone at fresh start
Yes, I agree with your comments, I look forward to more of these episodes
I'm so glad it was helpful. It's a great team and I'm honored to help it evolve.
@@JacobHamPhD man you are a blessing I can tell 🤗 my heart, body and soul is so much aware and calm now. I’m gonna keep watching and learn. Thank you so much for putting this out
That you for sharing this seeing with everyone, it's an act of love with no personal interests, so important to hear to be aware of how our brain works, awareness is the healing for the surviving part in us ❤️ the suffering is a call from the trauma to be recognized and to be seen 💫
Jacob please keep up content you have such incredible insight and communicate in such a passive and calm manner that those most in need and activated might be able to remain present to receive this insight. Amazing work.
its unfortunate the same hospital system he works for Mt Sinai is not even aware of who he is and made me feel i was delusional to mention his name . i see a terrible terrible failiures going on in this hospital with money to spread out all over nyc and cant get things right in socia work or cancer or other now. ptsd is very basic and simple. thin of dogs you see being taken off street, and healed in one place without awhole lot of trauma and abuse, and healed emotional by responsible and dog aware people who know about trauma and its not some big dollar industry to have to have money. its just basic. i healed completely alone by having that sense of self and i dont want to say taletn it was basics.. then some person woht talent to destroy others antichrist persons did a thing to me and induce a fracking game to make me bounce of wals. i got to drs who were supposed to be interested in torture to get someone to remove me and treat me for what happen before the cycles began to kill me.. and they did not. i am now a lost person in game of life and homeless from lack of care to never be a artist sing dance make art or basics from daily abuse and drs who act like hey i dont know what ur tlaking about and project insane on you . i can not speak my speach was removed and no one became concern about the loss of senses smell of art or all of it to konw my brain was damage five years and waht to do. while i struggle to try to fix me with out any resouce of privacy or being removed far from abusers and vampires tearing me up. the lsat vampire struck me in head again taking me to deeper states of morbid shock and trauma and death and is like act like nothing happen beucase im the vcitim and th fragile one. not them.. there is always someone acting out of order in society leading others to do same to abuse someone and i was not the weak person they imagine and i cought it all and i began to have my own.. leaving alot of threat. i was murder it was no accident. drs just sat and fed criminals my soul.
Thank you so much
So useful. Thank you 🙏🏾🌻
fantastic conversation, the rabbi did a wonderful job of asking just the right questions and framing things so well, very helpful!
Very interesting and enlightening! Thanks!!
Dr Ham you are a genius! I love you so much!! 💕
this conversation is beautiful! thank you!
Hi Jacob, thank you so much for this episode and I look forward to the next one. I work with children and families with Attachment being the bedrock of our work. I love how you speak about 'presence' being the opposite of trauma. At the end of the session, I too wanted to go for a walk and mull over all the things you shared... You sound like one of my lecturer who taught us Therapeutic Child Care at University 22 years ago... thanks again x
Amazing. Thank you so much for letting my message impact you. That’s a gift returned in kind.
This was in incredibly eye opening and cathartic for me thank you! Especially that we’re 6 months into a genocide in occupied Palestine with so much silence! Which one of you is now responsible for paying for me to the trauma centre formerly mentioned. lol 😅I recently found out that I can’t do anything but protect myself right now, officially jobless with ZERO tolerance for bullies or the ignorant/willingly ignorant… 😭😭😭
The best interview I have ever heard. Hands down
Yeah both of them did amazingly, just a great conversation
Thank you . 42 years - living with trauma on a daily basis. Would not wish it upon anyone.
yeah definitely
Thank you for sharing this information about how to approach ourselves and our trauma. This helps me. Thank you 🙏 ❤
I totally recognized myself, although always I believed that 😂 trauma is something that happened to “poor them” who lived through some terrible childhood experiences. And I am just a future teacher who is watching the video for my assignment. But 🙏 thank you for sharing your expertise through experience. 😢😊 such a profound thing what you both just told me. Thank you
Wow. I just stumbled upon your video on survival and trauma brain. I have had cptsd since a kid. Your explanation for kids with trauma is on the dot. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful! The whole point of my videos is to have a wider impact than the 1:1 work I do all day.
This was actually life changing for me thank you so much Jacob! Keep doing what Ur doing
This was GREAT! Thank you both.
I am so happy you are doing this work.
Would love to see more of you on podcasts :) totally refreshing
Awesome work Jacob looking forward to more episodes! Cheers!
Thank you for your contribution to our field
I wish everyone would have this information about trauma. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and experience! I´m in the middle of resolving some inner conflicts today and the information about the brain and the trump card of the survival parts gave me a lot of clarity. Thank´s again! 💗
yes, that's awesome
Thank you very much 🙏. Powerful message.
Thank you for uploading this ❣️
You're so welcome!
So meaningful....so beautiful...speaks to one's long lost soul.
Wonderful conversation! Please share more.
Thank you so much ❤️
I’m really glad that you’re going into schools. Really important changes in schools moving from time out to chill out. I trained in the “old days” of time out and I instinctively really disliked it. Getting a dialogue going was almost impossible. It became about me! Dr Jacob you have such a lovely calm presence I imagine that your way is so helpful in inviting staff to think differently. Also Dr Ross Greene his website Lives in the Balance and his book The Explosive Child. Really helpful too for idea that kids have not yet developed the particular skill. Only found your videos yesterday! So helpful.
Thank you for this insight! It was timely!
You are so welcome
Thank you. This helps a lot. I am grateful for the information. We all need help.
BEAUTIFUL DONE.thank you
Thank you too!
I'm so glad to find your channel.
thank you.
Amazing video --- thank you 🙏🏻
You are so welcome!
This theory is amazing and I feel like I'm ready to grab onto it after years of therapy I've never felt like I was getting well! Thank you
thank you very much! this is such a wonderful information and so well done talk by both of you...
Glad you enjoyed it!
Dr. Jacob Ham has a lovely smile.
Thank you.
You're welcome!
I love this Rabbi. I wish he was my Rabbi.
Thank you!
You're welcome!
Thank you ❤
I have hope the world will be a better place for my adult children and my grandchildren because of people like u ! Thank you
This was useful to at least one person.
Such a soothing voice. Thanks Jacob 👍🙏
What I struggle with is, despite being trauma aware, finding the courage to face it. In the past I have, to a degree, inadvertently made progress through some of my traumas, but there is much still to sort and I find I do not have the energy to go there.
There are times when you really need to recharge but there are also times when it's cozier to not try. Hope you find the support and courage to "go there."
@@JacobHamPhD
Thanks mate 👍🙏
Hello< i really like your content. I would really appreciate it if you posted some more
27:00 - I am the child I am the adult.
29:50 - Trauma is Universal.
Short Answer - 31:32
The longer answer (focus on mech.) - 32:00
Would love to hear a conversation / podcast with you and Dick Schwartz / Internal Family Systems. I'll watch to see if the magic happens. thank you for posting new material... : )
Yeah that would be cool and I'd learn so much. I really like how he describes his process as having "stumbled upon" IFS. In my own stumbling along, I've definitely seen his footprints and guideposts along the way.
@@JacobHamPhD Wondering if there is an update to reaching out for a conversation with Dick Schwartz or otherwise incorporating your work with IFS? This sounds so exciting and beneficial! 🎉
Thank you for the work you are doing. I am blown away.
so moving so true m Understanding my own trauma responses better an dhonour myself
Thank your Truama, becuase after all it is here to protect you.
❤thank you for this❤
Maybe most can open to a different perspective so authentic healing can begin❤
Jacob, what you are saying is very familiar to me. What I think is not only to feel the child in my when is sad and I need to give him a hugs, but I want to be the child. I want go in to the child to the inside - be the child and go out. Is like have a dreams knowing that it is a dream...
Hi Jacob, I'm so glad I stumbled upon your videos on CZcams. Nothing anyone told me in the 20+ years of talking therapies have remotely resonated as much as your talks have done. I feel like I'm finally starting to see the insidious web my childhood trauma has woven in and around my life, and I don't know how to untangle it and cut away the sticky threads. I wish I can go to your retreat, but I'm in Australia. I'm struggling to find someone who is adequately qualified, and more importantly, suited to treat me. Do you have any practitioners you can recommend in Melbourne or Australia, or can you tell me a bit more about what to look for in a trauma therapist who practices in similar techniques as you? Often my therapy sessions leave me feeling more misunderstood and neglected than when I went in, so I have learned to be very picky and reserved about who to trust my inner child with. Thank you 🌷
Hey there, I'm from Melbourne and have worked with a gentleman named Anton Eastick. I think his place is in Northcote, his website is- thedharmapath. If you have any questions let me know.
@@carl8568 thanks Carl! I really appreciate that.
@@Liliarthan
No worries at all, good ones are hard to find! He is a very kind man, and not like any other therapist I've worked with before.
@@carl8568 that's really reassuring to know! I've found most therapists don't like to admit that they aren't experienced or trained to work through childhood trauma, so I spend a few sessions and $$ just to find out they are gonna try and CBT my issues away (which doesn't work) or avoid talking about it. I'm done wasting time and money on the wrong therapists.
@@Liliarthan
Yeah I know how you feel, I've seen one male psychologist in Dandenong who was absolutely terrible. When I brought up my overly controlling mother he was just like, oh I don't think that's really an issue 🤔😠
I got much more insight from just reading a John Bradshaw book!
Hi Doc. I am just wondering about how to work with people with deep disassociation that cannot remember. Also the people that trigger with the flight/ shut down response instead of the fight response. Or even the ones that are avoidant due to fear of conflict. Would love a video on these opposite styles.
If you are still in the process of writing your book, then may I ask you please to include as much as you can on how people may help themselves. Also that the book is available in the UK and Europe.
Many people cannot afford to see a private Therapist and certainly in the UK, the available support is mainly crisis interventions than longer term resolutions and solutions.
I have this realizazation as well. I realize I am not being present most of the times,as I dissociate much. looking to find ways to ground myself
at least one person - at least this person :)
Yo!!! We did it!! Thank you!
Wow! So happy i found this video.
How do i shut that critical voice inside my head that is playing all day long???? Please help.
Would like more info on boredom. Thanks! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
This portion reminded me of Marshall Rosenberg's work in Non-Violent Communication-- to search for what feels alive in you or in another.
I'd also love more discussion of this.
Curious to hear reflections on growing up with core parts of your identity not being recognized. It seems somewhat related to some form of neglect. For example, children who belong to a marginalized group being raised by people from a dominant group. Not only are you not being taught conceptual understandings of yourself, but others around you do not have those concepts to recognize you fully.
How do I go about acquiring your professional services, Dr.? Also, you spoke of some sort of retreat for individuals suffering from CPTSD? Please advise, as I am in dire need of such services!
I am glad you elaborated that you only remembered the criteria and not the DSM5-TR in its entirety... Because that's just not possible unless you're the rain man. lol
IFS is probably helpful for what is being discussed here.
This is basically IFS!
I think you have expressed this before, but I am curious. Why are people with avoidant attachments critical of others and themselves?
I had a therapist tell me I was boring him, therefore I wasn't telling him the truth. I insisted I was. He doubled down. I never went back to him. I was a wreck the way he talked to me.
I'm at 22:22 and wondering at what point we're going to go ahead and stop Reinventing the Dick Schwartz wheel and correctly attribute this model to IFS?? Especially since it comes with well established scripts for how to talk your way past the firefighter to the child, for the amateur who wants to approach this successfully.
Where did you attend grad school?
UMass Boston
All these other wars etc over the past 100 years.....
as i was also protect my soul some persons in my enviorment saw this and attack me to damage me.. and i began to die and i twas torture.. and i was being attack about my soul and for monsters to damage me. i had to try to contact FBI in terrist abuse in all parts for murder and my family did not seem to have any sense of danger or murder.. now im a lost person. so if drs at mt sinai do not respect this and siting infront of dr and social workes they have to be educated to what i did not and failed me. what you need to do is reeducate drs to have sense.. and not what time the lunch bell is.. any person not only dr should have seen iw as digress toferal could not string words or speak and aws fearful of people and in danger and to wounded to protect my soul or life from agressive head hunters terroerizing me but gave me cancer care lightly. i was a brigh light a second chance and there need more respect to people for this is basic shit a kid can understand. as lady gaga is trying to educate kids about this. she failed to hear a person cry .. also..
The reverse of trauma is PRESENTS!!
Trauma is withdrawal into a lucid state of the reptile brain resolve, in a land far,far away, where dragons (mesazoic reality) exist where species survival supercedes reason and rational presence. That is why you hear some people say I was afraid for my life in a non threatening situation or claiming to see images of a black man attacking them, who was never there.
9:21:00
17:21:00
70% of out interactions are not with the people in front of us!
Wow 😯 wow???!!!
Seems like you're going about it a little backwards. I don't think the amount of traumatic experiences impacts long term regulation. I think it's the limited amount of trusted adults in today's youth's daily lives. Each adult has a different type of coping technique. Imagine each personality type as a type of tool; hammer, nail, staple gun, chalking gun, ext. (It's not perfect but think Bob the builder) Image a driver and a screw are raising a nail... That nail is gonna have a really tough time if they're not lucky enough to meet a hammer or a nail gun who knows the techniques that gives the nail value.
I've heard it said trauma is the event that happened to you. It's the loneliness experience before, during and after that dictates rather the event is written in sand or chiseled in stone. This supports that saying in concrete and tangible ways. Thank you 😊
I do3 know about U all.. But this is depressing...Also therapy is expensive. Trying to facilitate healing is hard as well.
Jacob, you should read about recipients of organs who start taking on the feelings and behaviors of the donor of the organ!!! All of that have been documented!!! The donor and recipient aren’t even biologically related as the holocaust survivors and their descendants. The donor could be of a completely different race living in another country and culture, and the recipient still feels and has the same cravings and desires of the donor! Behaviors and attitudes are absolutely passed on and down - humans are susceptible to many things we like to be in denial about. 99% of Our society prefers to live and die in the dark rather than be exposed to the light.
Dr ham. its sad that your drs in Mt sinai do not know anything about trauma. dont know you when i mention you. Im speaking of a person who for 11 years was tortured. and myself had sense of god and common sense and had to after drs not care about trauma to keep people sick and traumatized and i escape them. treated my own and walked out of 11 year of being disabled by abusive drs who dont kno whow to practice medicine did not mention trauma or reality of what was going on and keep someone in trauma where the preson is abused and kept down unti they die are murder turn to drugs or violence or escape and rise over it. that is unfair for something dogs rescued off street have people who know them and dont have to pay mililions of dollars. please start with your hospitals on this. Trauma inform , and help patients or persons get care beffore they progress to cancer mental illlness, abuse, vulnerable exploitable adults. my cancer care drs in oncology mt sinai do not know this. that your a dr in mt sinai and are not to up on getting me an appointment to tell someone what lead for me to be attack abused and left to suffer cancer out of th torture induce on me. i lost 24 years of perfect life. i come from Munchuasen by proxy family who were so determine to keep and make me sick at same time came after my jobs when i began to escape them and succeed. my family needs help to identify what is wrong with htem instead of my sister telling them being sick and making others sick is ok and just become your fuck up self .. and lead others to death. i cut them off because i knew what sick and well was and was tortured for it but i won. so i was done in i was induce a trauma by a seuxal insult a bomb induce on me and then i was insulted and left with brain damage to make me unable to this time im not go escape game and fuck me up so bad i can not survive. THe system you have in hospitla is making people sick leavin g them sick and making money. being naive dumb and abuse the person who is more educated more succesful but i became to daamge wihtout one dr asking why. how his this person become this person from what happen and not even care. the medical profession is leaving to many people to become feeding trees to feed thier kids. my understading of my brain and lif ewas perfect then i was hit in my brain to induce dissociation. dissociation which lead to fuck up twisted wires and thinking where healing and time to heal and remove from enviorment was needed. i did not get that and was left so iw as asssaulted over and over by same kind of sick people who have not faced themself and are seeking souls of others to feed off of rape abuse rob . i was a perfect and succesful artistic mind talent rising out of a miracle to be alive and happy. not one dr respected this making me fearful to go to drs. now im seeing the cancer care is so lax. robotozed and that someone go to treat me for a sickness to come from traumatized life and left being failed and keep me failed but put drugs in me bugt not remove me . its like keeping people in the love canal and keep pump them full of cancer care and not consider whats going on then there is this psycnopath sister who is seeking to look like the smart one in family who need to be criminally charged and her enablers. to want others information and to over power others in some bi polar. my story has become a horror story.
please please inform your hospital of your presence and to teach drs about trauma. or at least who you are if someone is in need of ptsd concerns. i lost my life.. i held on for longer than anyone i can imagine in torture and abuse and retraumatized a 24 year process of healing . my family are feed themself quatlity care while intentional abuse and fail me. to punish someone wounded and rape by punks to damage me to have confused society kill me. please tell Mt sinai who you are.
There is no such thing as little or small trauma.
Youre right but its used more to differentiate, kinda like shock trauma or complex. So shock like trauma from the war, but complex would be neglect in childhood. They describe these as big T Trauma and little t trauma
He really had to translate Ham. Jan is not good at saying what he means, even if he's good at therapy.