A Simple Zen Story- The High Cost of Being Too Nice: How Excessive Kindness Can Damage You
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- čas přidán 7. 10. 2023
- Discover the unexpected dangers of excessive generosity in 'When Kindness Hurts. Explore the dark side of being too giving, from emotional burnout to financial stress. Learn how to strike the right balance and protect your well-being. Don't miss this eye-opening look at the hidden pitfalls of extreme kindness!
#monkstory #zenstory #motivation
After being taken advantage and be harmed especially by family and close friends I decided to be alone. I feel much better! I do not feel lonely, I feel be protected in my world with music, books and drawing. I meditate daily and sometimes see some few “friends” for a coffee. Say goodbye and back to my quiet world.
I learned my self is my best friend 😌
That's true! I've been alone most of the time (i work as a dental assistant and I don't talk that much to patient...my dr does most of the talking) with colleagues,they r the ones who like to talk so i would just listen. Going back home i don't talk much to my housemates as they r quiet too. It's very peaceful this way. No drama and negative thoughts. Just living.
That’s my life as well
Sounds like your escaping which is actually not good, because its fear that is guiding your decision.
@@brandonhall9959 yeah I get that
There’s nothing wrong with being kind. You just have to set some healthy boundaries
I agree. A lot of this sounds to me like it is toeing the line of giving justification to being a jerk. And a lot of the comments display the crux of the issue, people are not being kind for the sake of helping someone in need, they’re doing it for what they can gain in return - whether in the form of kindness back or even for a feeling of superior morality. This is not kindness, it is a transaction.
fu[ck this crab talk if you are kind no body gives a s[hit about you
I do research on why and how Buddhism disappeared from India. This Shaolin monk talks to the point. Because of soft Buddhism the latter simply disappeared across India. All the great Buddhist masters were on Muslim hit lists so they escaped to Tibet, Myanmar, China (Your own Bodhidharma) and Sri lanka. They are now prayed to as supreme gurus in these countries. Buddhism has to be hard when governing. India is the best example of rigid Buddhism. You had the Templar Knights going into the wilderness to fight Muslims. Instead of fighting the Knights, Muslims turned and invaded Buddhist India where rigid Buddhism was being practised. The result was chaos and random murder in the name of religion finally giving birth to Hinduism which supported martial behavior.
Do not mistake someone's interest in you for genuine care and concern.
It's neither here nor there...
I was a victim too ! I helped people and never refused to help others . Then due to their envy , they accused me of things that I never did and cut me out of their lives . Then they found out it was someone else but I never got an apology from them but they also didn’t get as upset with the real culprits. When you are always helping certain people , they are the ones who mistreat you and paint a not so nice picture of you .
I know.
@@jeynjohnston8085Ungrateful people.
@@anewday369 Good to hear
I do research on why and how Buddhism disappeared from India. This Shaolin monk talks to the point. Because of soft Buddhism the latter simply disappeared across India. All the great Buddhist masters were on Muslim hit lists so they escaped to Tibet, Myanmar, China (Your own Bodhidharma) and Sri lanka. They are now prayed to as supreme gurus in these countries. Buddhism has to be hard when governing. India is the best example of rigid Buddhism. You had the Templar Knights going into the wilderness to fight Muslims. Instead of fighting the Knights, Muslims turned and invaded Buddhist India where rigid Buddhism was being practised. The result was chaos and random murder in the name of religion finally giving birth to Hinduism which supported martial behavior.
Wishing that everyone who watches this video will be safe, healthy, have all their wishes fulfilled, and any prayers answered. May those who feel lonely find comfort, those in poverty escape hardship, and those without daily sustenance have enough to eat and wear.
To anyone who's watching this video and reading the comments, my wish for you is that any troubles or anxieties that have been weighing you down will begin to lift. May your mind be cleared of negative thoughts, incessant overthinking, and any doubts that have been holding you back. May clarity replace your confusion, and may your life be filled with peace and calmness. Take the wisdom from this video and empower yourself to achieve all that you seek. 🙏✨
Thank you 🙏🏼 ❤ and the same to you
Kindness must give without expecting anything in return.if you expect something then real misery starts. Be kind to people and forget it.
Thank you.
I learned this the hard way. I am no longer the kind giving person I once was. Its important to set healthy boundries & to know who & what Im giving to.
I am kind. I choose to continue to be kind because it is an integral part of who I am, and what makes me, me. I will be kind even when people hurt me, and when people make the mistake of thinking I am weak, it is their mistake and I don’t let it bother me. I know me. I like me. I would rather be kind than jaded any day, even if it means my life is harder sometimes. I can lay my head down at night and know that my side of the street is clean; that I did everything I could to be authentic to who I am, and that anything above and beyond that fact is not important. I’d rather be me 7 days a week than to be an unkind person.
God bless you for your kindness, but love and protect yourself as well from being hurt by others who don't appreciate you.
No problem being kind, I assume you are a young person, when you get older your energy decreases and you have to save it for your own wellbeing.
Good that is the spirit of being close to God. I am the same
@@roya340 I appreciate your response❤️ I’m not a particularly young person. I am 44, and a Mother and Grandmother. It’s just a part of my personality and has always been🤷🏻♀️
Dear Nora, keep up with god way and your family are lucky to have you in their life 🙏❤️
I am my own best friend, enjoying my solitude, which is priceless!
And those who don’t deserve it are the ones who abuse it. Stay centered and focused. Forgive and empathize with those who feel so intimidated that their only conclusion is to mistreat you. This is a word empaths. Use your discernment and keep standing up for yourselves. Unfortunately, adults are out here being low key bullies and it’s pretty interesting.
Nothing is permanent, don't stress yourself, no matter how bad the situation is, it will change....❤❤#Lord Budha
Thank you for the reminder.
Lähe isäshuora vittuun mun elämästä emäshuora leikkimässä jumalaa mun Jumala et emäsnussittu vaihokas ole
Hopefully before you are totally crazy.
Sadly not always, it depends on the situation, regarding the topic discussed yes, but if you're talking about terminal illness and declining health then no.
@@hazel9903or midlife crisis as that leads to old age.
Exactly right. I have had certain people take high advantage of me. Then not respond when I needed something. Now I watch who I am helping.
Because you expect something back... That is not the way to give.
people say the scariest thing is being alone, but it’s not! Not being mindful is the scariest thing.
Remember, people with other people have to deal with the other person. Sometimes not so great, or worse.
@@littlemissy8356 if you’re wise and mindful, all situation can be at peace. Interacting with the wrong people and making the situation worsen is the choice and decision we made.
By opening our hearts this world can be at peace, so there will be no greed, no jealousy and etc..
when you’re mindful you will not feel alone.
I love watching Master Shi Heng Yi on CZcams ..peace and love to you . ♥️🙏
Be kind but don't be foolish, don't be a door mat🥰❤️🖤💚✊🏾❤️🖤💚
From my experience , being kind by constantly giving, whether money, or material doesn’t have to be on Physical things , Only to be disappointed , when you give by other means, your emotional support, your time, your helping hand when in need, there is no regret, Steer your kindness in the proper place, with discretion. You don’t what to give wrong impression of buying friendship by being overly kind. Or used
as a manipulation tactic for selfish motives. Give to the truly needy and not to advantage of the greedy. Be selective and use discretion with your kindness
Sometimes that type of kindness leads to the same feeling...
On the flip side those who develop the habit of taking other people's kindness for granted do not enjoy the kind of emotional joy that comes with being kind and helpful. They slowly sink into a void of a dependency on others for material or emotional support. We see how children brought up by parents whose kindness and provision they take for granted find it difficult to cope when parents die
*reads title of the video*
I knew it. I knew there were others who understood that being "too nice" can be harmful
If you always say yes to people what is your yes really worth? It becomes devalued over time as people come to expect it and you just devalue yourself. It's worth remembering that.
There are people who say they are your friend just for what they can get from you. You will never get the chance to say thank you, they never have it to give..
This actually made me cry, I’m writing down this with tears. I need to watch such a video because this is exactly what I’m suffering from. I was scrolling through the videos not knowing what to watch until I saw the title. This actually has struck me to the core.
Exactly ✅️No Comfort Zone At Null No Robin Hoods.
You talk to the point. Because of soft Buddhism the latter simply disappeared across India. All the great Buddhist masters were on Muslim hit lists so they escaped to Tibet, Myanmar, China (Your own Bodhidharma) and Sri lanka. They are now prayed to as supreme gurus in these countries. Very educative. I do research on how Buddhism disappeared in Bihar. I realized it never disappeared from Bihar. Buddhists simply failed to research Indian Buddhism. They looked at Buddhism through the sphere of their own cultures searching for only the Buddha. Buddha had a myriad of names in different villages according to his teachings there. Example. His favorite teaching was 'Lust and desire causes pain. Remove lust and desire, and pain is removed'. Translated into Bihari (where the Buddha story took place) it is DHUKH HARAN meaning to remove dukha. Three dozen villages pray to DUKH HARAN Baba. Its clear that DUKH HARAN Baba is none other than the Buddha. Problem is Buddhists are searching only for the Buddha. In the real Vaishali the Buddha begged for alms. The locals there pray to 'BHIKHAINI' Baba (Beggar Baba). Bhikhaini was mispronounced by Buddhists as Bhikshu. Who is BHIKHAINI Baba. The Buddha no doubt. But people are searching for a man called Buddha. In the real Vaishali, in Beluha the Buddha suffered a sickness and felt he had grown old. The locals pray to 'BURHA' Baba (Old Baba). Who is BURHA Baba. The Buddha no doubt. In the real Vaishali the Lichavies pressurized Buddha not to die. They trailed him to Bandagawan pressurizing him not to die. To put pressure in Hindi is DABESHWAR. Three dozen villages around the stupa where Buddha gave the Lichavies his patra, the villagers pray to Baba 'DABESHWAR NATH' meaning the man who won the pressurizing game. It was the the Buddha no doubt as he gave the Lichavies his patra and succeded in sending them back. But Buddhists are searching for the Buddha. Forgive me for commenting out of the topic. I just wanted to impart this information to you.
Im not kind. Have learnt. I’m focussing on myself
I appreciate this video. I have a friend who is still this way after life has continued to crap on her. I try to help her with setting boundaries, but for reasons only she knows she believes materdom is courageous and strong. i tell her nobody cares about your sacrifice and it will more than likely not return to you what she expects. If people know you will take their crap, they will continue mistreating you. They see you as a fool. I learned this the hard way myself. But I learned, some never do. My friend's favorite phrase is i won't let anyone change me. I tell her sometimes things happen to us so we can change especially if it's harming us.
I don't even say no. I just ignore and not bat an eye. I've found out since i was a child, that Others are 90% responsible for my low vibe and flow. Be gone fools! I now spread my giving energy far and wide; to as much Others as possible. I do not narrow my give/help to a few idiots. Bad idea! Reach far and wide❤
Always give from the heart and u will never be discouraged or disappointed
Be neither too nice or too cruel. Find a balance. Yin/yang
I don't expect the same I just expect not to be crapped on
Coming from a christian, don't ever be too kind even with people who're nice to you. Be kind to yourself first. And also take time to analyse a room, specially at work. Make a list of all the narcs, and keep them in mind. Don't let them get away with anything, they're bullies.
I wish I understood this sooner.
31 and Healing......💕
The ability to be kind is the most powerful strength you can have. You will learn how to be kind and forgiving once you have mastered healthy boundaries ❤🎉
Families are ALWAYS the ones who alwsys hurt you.
I too had negative experiences when I am using my time more for others wellbeing. 🙏
I’m very generous, and I have a very kind heart, and it always kicks me in the you know what
True kindness is being kind tonthe vulnerable and defenceless, not kind to some people in the hope of something in return in the future.
This world’s credo is “ be tough as nails and mean as Hell”. That’s why it’s in the shape it’s in. 😠😡😈
Thank you for the class!
true story Yes Lord God amen ☝🏽👏🏽🙌🏽🙏🏽❤️😇🎯
Your words are very true......I am a victim of all these things.......Let this be an eye opener for me......Thank you for valuable guidance......❤
I watched Master Shi Heng Yi on CZcams you will have more clarity. ♥️🙏
Damn...hearing this I was right in believing I was a fool for most of my life with people!! Just nobody in my family ever made me realize it!
I helped to all my family with my time, and money, but never got anything in return. Now I am 65 YO I figured some of it was my fault not to expecte anything from them. You can not give all the time, they might even think you are foolish. Now I don't do that anymore except buying lunch for a home less person mostly on Sunday.
Exactly right! Thank you!
Wise video.😀
Being kind it’s not a bad thing. Law of gravity has way of paying back good things to others. Not all the time you have to be nice. 😊
As an INFJ I can't help but help people. However I've been abused so badly I am learning to put limits on myself and others. But it's important to do it up front otherwise people get the idea you're a free for all.
This is so true this Friday I lost my job of 2 years because I was too kind and I helped everybody and I didn't realize that I was doing it the wrong way thank you so much for this video I need to start learning how to say no.
Wow 😮 Awesome 🤩 Very impressive, very informative, knowledgeable and inspiring teachings to stay peaceful & keep moving on for a better self being 📖 Thank you 📚
Great Story
I love buddhism stories, so inspirational
Read the Blue Cliff Record short prose with inspiration
Thank god for everything
Mr . You are absolutely right . 👍👍👍👍👍 good explanation .👏👏👏👏👏👏 thanks for sharing this video . 🙏
"Thank you for the sharing. It's so inspiring. 🙏👍
"
I needed to hear this. Thank you 💪💯
This is true ,I have experienced this iny life
Thank u for this video. I've never been able to st boundaries.
i did this i lost everything. still having nightmares. I learned from this at 60. i am sad from this. on high bp meds this week. my addiction was food. working on me now.
this is true i was very nice to my girlfriend i bought her stuff adn helped her alot and she treated me like shit years later and turned on me acting like a completely different person i had to break up with her i stay by my self and i feel one thousand times better i dont get lonely
Excessive Kindness is just a strategy of the I thought in the mind. Instead of controlling the actions you could ask yourself, where does this need come from? What own lack do i want to complete with that action. Selfnessless is not controlled giving, selfnessless is what the word is saying: that, what you thought you are, is gone. It's you without the thought you had, you are. Then that what is called giving and receiving is just a movement in eternity.
Thank you 🙏 I needed this today ❤
I am grateful for this wisdom ✨️
Awesome teaching!
Thank you thank you thank you for this life saving video
I would love to have my very own place where I could live alone . I'm never alone GOD is always with me. I love just being with GOD alone.
My kindness feeds people who are on the streets... with their animals at times. I expect nothing back... I know who is really down on their luck and hungry... At times these same people will repay me with kindness back.. I don't want anything back nor do I expect it... BUT YOU yourself would be very surprised .....
Thank you very much. You wake up my conscious. So real!
Do a million good things and they will only remember the one bad thing.
That's the typical womans mindset
You you so much 🙌🏾🙏🏾
So true UNFORTUNATELY, I learned it the hard way🤷🏾♀️ @ least I learn.
Thank u so much for sharing this information ❤....May the blessing be..
I will always choose kindness before evil
Very much needed, thank you
Too good is not nice
U get hurt instead ...not appreciated
They will never help u
Be aware ....
I’ll apply from tomorrow
Thank you so much
I wish I was little more kinder sometimes people make it difficult Lol
Thank you for this!!
Thanks for sharing very helpful 😊
Very good advice, thanks
Thank you!
I appreciate this video. I am and eillkeep this ony forefront. Value and appreciate myself first keeping to my boundaries.
Thank you gor this Stoic video and others Ive watched. I am applying this and reorganizing my life and strategies.
Again thank you.
As a American living in Vietnam, the natives approach me expecting me to give my watch to them totally free. They think every American is rich. But not true!
THANKS I BELIEVE IN THIS 😊
Oh Lord, thank you i take this in consideration.
So true
real kindness is not about you expecting something to be returned...we should put our kindness on something we can afford to give freely..
This is good.
BOUNDARIES
Absolutely right
I got very very bad experience in my life be a too kind for everyone. Everyone is not a good . everyone will not get happy if even though if you are a good kind person 🙏
When I am alone. I feel so free. 😊
A good advice with❤
If get you get negative feedback by giving, it how you react you, don’t make the same mistake twice, without bitterness, allow advantage people who take advantage of your generosity burn their own bridges, , by not giving,
kindness & having mercy r two difderent things....its isolating the word kind in & of itself alone....& if ur not kind....u have hate....an eye for an eye mentality....
Thanks
I didn't think once that overly kindness affects us. I've felt quite stressed in the past after giving too much multiple times, and it looked like i was being generous to an addict to money, who'd not spare my pocket. I've lately started being firm but it's still quite a task to deny an addict.
Im done being a people pleaser and thinking of others, trust me you always get taken for granted....
I now think of number 1.. me me me 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
Buddhism primarily teaches people to be wise, compassionate and virtuous. And there are many examples of Buddhists living as so.
I like helping but if it goes to far I stop ❤❤❤❤
That's true ...
I learned the hard way ! …