The Shocking Reasons Why People Cheat In Relationships - Sadia Khan
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- čas přidán 6. 06. 2024
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Chris and Sadia Khan discuss why certain people cheat in their relationships. Why do married couples cheat according to Sadia Khan? Does Sadia Khan think men or women are more likely to cheat in relationships? Is there any way to reconcile with a cheater according to Sadia Khan?
#dating #relationships #cheating
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Hello you legends. Watch the full episode with Sadia here - czcams.com/video/mm9y7YbUZUI/video.htmlsi=an5i5BLXHUuo12Q9
As someone who was cheated on... Yep, it was my fault that I didn't see his true nature. He was not a traditional man, he didn't respect his father, and he was openly hyperemotional and discussed his victimhood constantly. I praised him for being sensitive. What he was, was a dangerously unregulated man with no sense of personal honor, pride in his masculinity, or temperance. I will not make such a mistake again.
I did the same. Although to be fair my ex father wasn't respectable. He was also a serial liar and cheater so the fact that my ex didn't respect his dad was a green flag to me
Traditional men cheat too
@@Opal5674 I'm glad we both came out the other side with knowledge gained.
Why did you smoke 3 cigs at once? 15 years ago. I've seen your videoes on your channel
@@XxBillKillPLxX hahaha it was a joke played on a friend who made a very sad video where he was smoking and bemoaning the Pats losing the big game, so I made a more ridiculous version.
I had an argument with a gf years ago and out of nowhere she said, “I can get any guy I want in this town.” I didn’t see it for what it was and think hard about being in a relationship with someone who makes a threat like that. And yes she was definitely cheating on me. I should’ve known better but damn if a hot girl doesn’t put a spell on you sometimes.
I feel you. As men we should've been taught by our fathers the intoxicating, overwhelming effect a very beautiful woman can have on you and prepare us a bit. I was with a gorgeous (to me) girl and god damn if I wasn't blind to things that looking back were not even red flags, they were red asteroids.
Always think with your big head and not your wee one. That's the advice this 49yr old mother gives her teenage son. And it will be the same advice when he's 49.
“It’s your fault. Especially if you’re a man.” Tel me that isn’t biased and fanciful.
Women can unilaterally destroy a relationship by cheating, getting their husband to forgive them, then disrespecting him AGAIN by hating that he forgave her, then play victim because SHE feels "abused."
If a woman wants to cheat, she will and it will destroy your relationship no matter what you do, but it will still be considered YOUR fault.
Not if you walk out the door. All her power goes away. If you STAY after she cheats, then that’s on you (the man).
@briandam8126 Nope. If you walk put the door, she's already USED her power to destroy the relationship.
Congratulations, you're EXACTLY where you would be if you forgave her, just sooner.
There IS not correct way to react after a woman cheats, she already destroyed the relationship and got what SHE wants as soon as she cheated.
I take the “if she could do better, then it’s her fault for not doing better” mentality. But as men, we are told that we need to be on the lookout for the deception by asking ourselves “is she devoted to me and only me? Is she settling down for real?” Geez loyalty is hard enough without all the deception. How are we supposed to KNOW what devotion and settling down looks like? Our parents didnt grow up with the internet like we did. So the Manosphere is rushing to teach young men what the red flags are. Because our parents don’t have a clue how to teach us about a dating world they didnt grow up in.
Social judgement was an enormous brake on female cheating that society has decided to remove. So grateful to live in a society.
Yeah imo it’s not as bad for the guy to cheat
In this video I learned that it's my fault if I get cheated on, and that I can't ever forgive her even if she asks me to.
The point of the video was to say that people that are going to cheat have personality traits the signal that ahead of time. Forgiving the person might be possible but unless the act came along with extenuating circumstances you probably dont want to be in the relationship even if you do forgive them.
You do not forgive her to let her back in your life. You forgive her so you can live your life without her and without any further emotional attachment. Forgiving someone does not mean that you want them in your life again.
00:00 🤔 Infidelity often occurs when red flags are ignored. These signs may include differing values, past infidelity, or non-traditional beliefs about relationships.
01:37 💔 Ignoring red flags increases the likelihood of infidelity. It's important to acknowledge and address these warning signs.
03:15 💬 Consideration for reconciliation after infidelity should focus on whether both partners can accept worst-case scenarios. This is crucial for a healthy, lasting marriage.
05:30 🔄 Accepting a partner after infidelity can create a dynamic that's hard for the cheater to respect, potentially leading to ongoing issues.
06:53 💍 Some married women cheat due to not marrying their preferred partner, seeking to feel desired, or stemming from childhood experiences, like growing up in a single-parent home.
08:43 🚹 Men often cheat to chase an emotional and psychological feeling they lack in their current relationship, not just for sexual reasons. This can include feeling seen, desired, or valued.
09:40 🎯 Escorts and sugar babies are aware of their leverage over married men, exploiting their low self-esteem and desire for validation. This dynamic is less effective with single men who have more romantic attention.
Not sure about all this. Blaming the person cheated on kinda rubs me like people saying 'you asked for it by the way you dressed'. And with modern communication methods cheaters can get away with things they couldn't in the past much easier. Also, I know people who spent a long time, even decades, in a marriage being completely faithful and then out of the blue cheated. Most recent one was a woman who had been married 22 years, 3 grown kids... soon as the nest was empty she was 'influenced' by new female acquaintances in her life that she needed to experience all the things she missed out on since she married young and had never slept around. Up until that point she had never considered cheating. Now husband has divorced her, kids have disowned her, and she is alone and struggling (not so much financially, she has a decent career). She blames the influence of those new friends, and honestly I can kind of believe it. Females are known to be much more easily influenced by marketing, propaganda, etc than men. But to blame the husband in that case is just so over the top.
I originally watched the full podcast with this guest and thought she was amazing, but as I have seen more and more clips and reviewed them I am not so sure of my original assessment.
I think she’s talking more in generalities and specifically for younger people in relationships. The aspect where she talked about someone talking to their ex for 3 years feels more applicable to folks in their 20s and 30s than the above case you shared which is a tragedy. Feel bad for both parties tbh. Lot of truth to the fact that you are the average of your friends.
The way I see it is there is utility in being accountable for your action or inaction in things that happen to you, it reduces the likelihood of those bad things happening again. The truth is there is always something we could have done to prevent a bad situation from happening to us. Those who cause us harm are in the wrong without doubt but shaming and blaming them has far less utililty than recognizing the parts of us that left a door open for people to hurt us, and then adjusting those parts accordingly so we can be wiser on how and when we close and open that door.
@@xzamroom: I get it, every experience is a life lesson. But people are not simple blocks to be dropped in certain bins that characterize them. We cannot be held accountable for what other people do with their agency. I mean, the only way to never get hurt is to never engage, so at some point you are always stuck being vulnerable. And I don't believe you can categorize people as someone who will or will not cheat... any person is capable of anything give the right environment and rationalizations. I am highly suspect that the life lessons you learn from one person cheating on you will automatically apply to the next person you engage with.
@@Mr_Penguins_Pet_HumanI think you might have missed what she said. She didn't say its (in your scenario example) that the husband cheated BECAUSE of the wife, but the wife was cheated on BECAUSE she allowed it.
The guy in your example is going to cheat, regardless. The woman being cheated on allowed it to occur to her, by being with the man that was a cheater.
Hope that makes sense.
While i agree with your leaning here i think the most charitable way to interput this argument is what Jocko Willink calls radical responsibility.
When my ex cheated on ne she wanted me to be angry and jealous. I wasn't. It was the best thing to happen to me and when she asked me to take her back I was correct in saying i will always be happy and you will never be. And so it was.
Fool me Once, Shame on You. Fool me Twice..Shame on Me.
She ignored the gun of the state keeping men in the marriages with no fault Device
Very refreshing to see her perspective on a man accepting a woman cheater actually diminishes her interest levels in him afterwards. I would also add that if she knew, undoubtedly, that he would leave her without hesitation if she cheated, he would present more of a challenge, and she would be less tempted to want to stray in the first place. She said it herself, women want Alpha traits, whether they want to admit it or not. Confidence, self-control and challenge. Another superbly interesting interview.
Relationships take sacrifice? Nobody wants a cheater, but who wants a person that doesn't cheat, but wants to cheat? Isn't that a problem?
Some say every guy wants to have variety, it's our biology. Spread your seed. Womens biology is different because they can only get pregnant once per year. A guy can make hundereds of women pregnant in a year in theory.
definitely a problem
This is only the 2nd video of Sadia that I have watched, and sadly it's also the 2nd video of hers in which she doesn't answer the question. "The shocking reason why people cheat!" - "It's your fault because you didn't see the signs" and "You weren't her 1st choice for marriage". Neither of those matters. The question remains unanswered.
I agree with a lot of what's being said as someone who has been cheated on/had friends who have cheated and been cheated on and had her parent's marriage fall apart due to cheating from my dad's side. One thing my mam said which I think rings true with both men and women is that 'people are going to do what they want to do'. I don't always think someone is at fault for why the cheating happened or that there should be an excuse for why the cheating happened. I believe if people are going to cheat if it's in their nature then they will regardless. Some people just don't have that moral compass. Especially in this day and age with social media etc. there's so much temptation everywhere and its down to people themselves to not be sucked in by it but unfortunately a lot of people are and weak minded imo. I think there's far too many avenues and ways people can cheat. It's sad but its become almost refreshing these days to find someone who does remain loyal and faithful when that shouldn't be the case
She’s absolutely correct. People allow vultures in, turn a blind eye-and then despair and agonize over betrayal. The writing is always on the wall, people just shut off their brains and called it kindness.
yea, happened recently with some ho, I lied to myself, and ofc it ended miserably
Insightful explanation
What is with all these nobodies acting like psychology and sociology experts. It’s laughably absurd that she really thinks her made up assertions about human behaviour hold any correlation to the academic/medical research on human psychology.
Her victim blaming remark about people who get cheated on is completely unfounded and omits the multifaceted reasons someone can become a victim to cheating as well as the various motivations behind someone who chooses to cheat.
Also, if she had any intellectual integrity she’d be consist in the application of her victim blaming narrative, such as it also being the fault of the domestic violence and murder victims that they suffered these fates; they deserve it because they should’ve known better 😀
Seriously, these kind of opinions form as a result of an individual having massive knowledge gap (that if filled ,would give them an authoritative data backed answer) which gets compounded with a hubristic belief in the superiority of their own “intelligence”, so much so they never actually try to bridge that knowledge, they just make things up.
It’s also a disappointment that this channel has so many grifter gurus as guests and the host never challenges the integrity of a “fact” their guest says. They just let the guests blather out unfiltered nonsense.
Oh yea, cuz autistic scientists know human behavior the best right? 😂😂❤
Sadia holds a Bsc in Psychology, Master's in Education and Devopmental psychology, Qualfied Teachers Status,Diplomas in Psychotherapy, Advanced CBT, Psychoanalysis and Inner Child Healing. So yeah you could say she is an expert in Psychology. I'm sure you obviously know better though.
Interesting!
Thank you
Excpet. Some people are naive. Some dont pick up on the signs. Saying it's your fault if you get cheated on is like saying it's your fault if partner bashes you. Sorry. Total BS
Naivety is a fault, that’s the point. It’s a personal issue that needs to be identified and overcome. What you just is the equivalent of saying “some people can’t get healthy cause they have an addictive personality and binge eat. Total BS.” Yes, that’s the issue - the addiction, like naivety, both faults that can be identified and corrected to prevent further harm.
I disagree with her on this one. Especially her point about male cheating vs female cheating. The reason behind the cheating is irrelevant. The action is what matters at the end of the day. She's heavily underplaying what it does to a woman when her husband cheats on her. That woman will feel ugly, worthless, lose trust, etc. He'll compare his wife to his mistress. Belittle her. The children lose respect for their father. Fall into issues of their own.
I also found it absolutely disgusting that she insisted on "trying" the things he did with his mistress. Like WOW. Thats mad disrespectful. Even if they stay together, that marriage is filled with rage, contempt, distrust, and broken promises. However, most people focus on two things. A. Attraction B. Money. But these things will not be enough to keep that marriage. The moral decay will rip that marriage from within. It might not be today, tomorrow, 3 year from now, even 10 years, but it will eventually take its toll. Nevermind, all the arguing, fighting, added affairs, unwanted pregnancies, disease, etc that will occur from it.
On a personal note, this is why I think someone should not get married until they're content with being alone. Marriage is not about constantly getting pampered and showered with affection. I really dislike it when females downplay how the morality of a father is so important to the family.
The reason behind it is not irrelevant, but much less important than she states in the video. I agree with you in that the action is what matters and there are VERY unhappy people in relationships who don't cheat.
I feel she underplays a lot and lost interested at the start of the video but wanted to watch it to the end. When I heard the "alpha" thing and so on, I thought "oh okay". She sounds like a coach for sure, not a therapist or much of a deep thinker.
As for the wife trying things that the husband wants, and vice-versa I think that's healthy - PRE-CHEATING. Sex is an important part of a relationship and it's great to try new things or at least be open about them. Post-cheating however, yes, it's going to be hell, and sex is the last thing on the table for a long time.
You will never be content being alone. That's a myth. We were designed/evolved to be with people, and mate, but if by "content" you mean - accept the suffering of loneliness, then sure. Monks and nuns have done it for millennia, it can be a viable option for some. I just think that that's the minority of people.
@@jeanvaljean4218 Well, the "reason" is an excuse. People make excuses for those they care about, even if it's just them trying to escape responsibility. Yeah, I was rolling my eyes at her at the "alpha" thing because it's so corny.
My point about trying things that the husband wants was she was claiming to try things he did with his mistress. Thats humiliating.
Well, there are plenty of people who are content with being alone. But it doesn't necessarily means they're lonely. If you got things to do & hobbies you should be fine. Being alone might not be your end goal, but you have things to enjoy in your alone time. Some of the loneliest people you'll ever come across are actually married. They went into the marriage thinking it's going to cure their loneliness. However, they come to find out it doesn't. If you look back at old pictures of couples back in the 50's or something, they had things to do. They had hobbies. Sewing, gardening, working on cars, etc. They weren't staring at each other all day.
@@-glitch-8195 I just meant that the reason does matter in a way, for instance you can kill a person, and it can be either self defense or just murder so the intention and circumstances matter to some degree. When it comes to cheating it matters to some extent (if you wanna work on it) but yes, the action is the responsability of each individual.
Her suggesting the wife should mimic the mistress was absurd. I agree with trying new thing in bed and communication but as I said - pre-cheating. Post-cheating it's just cruel to suggest it.
As for being a lone, sure. I agree with you on all points, you should have your own life outside any relationship, hobbies, passions and so on. And definitely friends, but that significant other fills a role no friend really can (if it's a good relationship at least). If you are single, you will be lonely - now you can be lonely even in a marriage, so I agree with you there, but I don't think the solution is to accept solitude as a way of life. It sounds nice on paper, but in practice it's much harder - even for monks or other solitary occupations or way of life it isn't an easy path.
The reason is very relevant and so is the gender differences, because sexual dynamics are not the same for men and females.
Most men who are being sexually satisfied by their partners don't cheat, but the majority of men who are in relationships aren't having sex like they want to, or worse, not at all. Females are known for sexual abuse through coercion and withholding.
_"That woman will feel ugly, worthless, lose trust, etc. He'll compare his wife to his mistress. Belittle her. The children lose respect for their father. Fall into issues of their own. "_
Interesting how you didn't seem to mention the fact what happens when a female cheats on a man. It's blatant exploitation and disrespect, because men have to *EARN* sex, females don't, and the fact that females are the ones largely facilitating sexless relationships, which in turn, would cause a man to cheat, or the fact that females cheat hypergamously, in an attempt to monkey branch from their "lesser" man to their "better" man.
But what else should I expect from a female.
Lastly, no man should be getting married, and no female that isn't a virgin can even respectfully _ask_ for marriage. It's just insurance for females and no gain for men, all risk. Marriage is *dead* .
I’ve seen people touting family values and the importance of fidelity who still cheated. People claiming they value honesty and trust who will lie and betray at the drop of a hat. People don’t always tell you who they are.
All people are capable of cheating under the right circumstances. Some are more likely to be philanderers, and others chose not to cheat even if they might want to.
Cheating may be a destructive behavior, but it’s not abnormal. The longer I live, the more I’m convinced that monogamy is more productive than it is natural for humans.
I disagree on this one. Sounds a whole lot like zero accountability on one party while the other half gets all the blame. This scenario sounds a whole lot like lack of communication and trust but for the "physical act of cheating" the person not involved should not take the blame saying it's his/her fault. "There was a meeting of the minds" that happened with cheaters that requires one person to be left out. And that's always the person not doing the cheating in the relationship. This lady is trying to put a conspiracy charge on a person like this is case for racketeering for a drug case :/
That is not the blame she is on about. Both parties are to blame. If you are going to blame someone, then look at your actions first.
There is moral blame and there is consequential blame. The first is the cheater's blame, the other is yours for ignoring the red flags, doesn't matter if you were blind or deliberately ignoring then. Often times you knew about the signs but chose to not take them seriously.
The person that gets cheated on is not at fault for the person cheating - they are at fault for sticking around and not noticing the warning signs. The reasons one should look at their own culpability in this case is because you can improve yourself. You can guide others to improve, but you cannot do it for them. And if you enable their behaviour, they will not improve.
@@limerickman8512 if you cheated that's on you. No one led you to cheat. Just because there's problems in a relationship doesn't give you a pass to cheat and blame your actions on the other party. Why not be an adult and break up with the person then go sleep with someone else.
No, I think you understood it completely wrong.
The person who cheated on you was a snake. If you want to go into the bush and play with a wild rattlesnake that warns you by rattling and hissing, then it's your fault for ignoring those warnings and getting bit.
But the cheater is still a cheater and is responsible for cheating. A snake is still a snake and is responsible for biting.
It's your fault for not handling them appropriately. You cannot change a snake; you can only change yourself.
Another reality about cheaters that nobody ever mentions, is how cheaters totally "want to have thier cake and eat it too" which is wayyy more psychologically telling of the cheater, than the cheatee. I think it's pretty infuriating when people blame the "cheatee" for the "cheaters" cheating...point being...if a person is so unhappy in a relationship, then why not just "man-the-hell-up" or "woman-the-hell-up" and leave vs stay and cheat AND distgustingly spread one's bodily fluids back and forth between three (or more) people(!?)
true I would take anything she says with a grain of salt She condone child marriage by saying the old man is "investing" in the girl so there's that
I highly recommend having Esther Perel on. And anyone watching this to go look her up. She has a much deeper, more nuanced and broader look on this complicated subject (why even happy people in marriages cheat, why not everyone who's unhappy cheats, etc).
I totally agree.
As I commented earlier - I listened to Esther's talks for a bit and read her book, but all it did was make me insecure about my solid, happy marriage. There's a video of Jada Smith talking to Will about how they were getting guidance from Esther, and that solidified my thoughts that although eloquent, she's not helpful, and is quite likely detrimental. A lot of thoughts from the poly community are being encourage both subtly and overtly these days, including from Esther.
I strongly agree I also got that vibe from her @@SJ-xg3rv
Does this mean if a man starts bashing his woman, its the woman's fault too?
for staying? yes
@@dontcallthemliberals3316 What about the first time?
2:30
The quote is
"There are no solutions, only trade-offs." -Thomas Sowell.
That's a catch 22: every woman has red flags 😅
Right off the bat she says "it's your fault"... Another woman who refuses to take accountability.
No no. You miss heard. She’s also saying it’s WOMENS FAULT FOR GETTING WITH A CHEATER lmao 🎉❤
She's kinda right. A lack of good judgment is what she meant about that guy.
I dunno, she's pushing personal responsibility for paying attention to red flags and acting on them.
@@whenpigsfly8178 I was half joking 😂 it’s literally impossible to see through every single dishonest person in life 😂 lol that’s what betrayal IS
It’s going to happen, but yea, it doesn’t mean it HAS to always happen ❤️ we can play some impact for sure
Hmm, being married (or the equivalent) and feeling bored, not sexually stimulated, lonely, depressed and sad. I think I need to make some drastic changes.
Or in my case you are in a relation with a girl with borderline personality disorder...
That's one of those red flags she mentioned in the vid :( better luck next time bro
One of the best way to get rid of bpd is to have a relationship that lasts over two years
This woman is brilliant
It’s called the gift of fury, endless boundless rage after you realise all they say are nothing to do with what they are or do….
For me, she's wrong about men cheating not being about sex, and that if it was just sex they'd have sex with their wives. Having sex with someone new is simply not the same feeling as having sex with someone familiar, and that's exactly the thing that your wife can't give you.
(This is an explanation rather than a justification, I'm a happily married man who doesn't cheat.)
Right, I've seen too many married guys who lust after other women, so to say it's not about sex, seems like just a ridiculous claim.
Agreed. It might be that she just cannot see things from a male perspective. From a woman's point of view, it is not about sex, so women seem to find it difficult to wrap their heads around the fact that, for many men, yes, it is literally just about having the most sex with the most number of sexual partners. Men have evolved to have a hard wired preference for sexual variety. Granted, the type of man she describes does also exist, but I suspect they are not quite as prevalent.
I also question her idea that most young single men have a harem of women at their disposal. Some do, but this is likely a minority.
You highlight the difference between sex with a long time partner and someone new really well. She is definitely wrong about it not being about sex where men are concerned, maybe not every time or for all men but for sure in the vast majority of men who cheat.
To give a crass analogy it's like eating steak every day for 10 years, sure you can cook it different ways and have it with some different dressings or sides and still love it, it's your favourite food, but after 10 years of eating it and nothing else suddenly someone puts a nice lobster in front of you. Some guys are going to take a bite.
A lot of what she talks about here seems a pretty surface level take on infidelity, and quite reductive in some aspects. For example, there are evolutionary reasons for why people cheat and why the reasons are different for men and women which aren't touched on at all.
The comments section is undefeated once more - this lady at it again with a decent kernel of truth about not reading red flags, but then stretches that over some bullshit that takes onus away from the person who does the cheating.
If someone commits to monogamy, there are no ‘reasons people cheat’ there are excuses people use for being immoral.
With people you are gonna get dissappointed for most of us anyway unless you're lucky but it's often inevitable which is why you shouldn't expect too much right away which was a mistake I used to make.
I prefer Esther Perel. This is regurgitated information. Red flags, using terms like "always" and "never"
She doesn't seem like a particularly deep thinker. The truth is sometimes people just make mistakes. They love their partners deeply but allow themselves to get caught up. Sometimes this deepens a relationship with their partners. As far as alpha males don't accept blah blah blah, or a woman will never respect a man who forgives her, that is absolutely rubbish. The idea that people can't change or won't change is usually a projection of someone who doesn't think they can change or WORSE doesn't think they need to improve themselves.
Very much agreed on every point. She sounds like a "coach" which I guess is what she advertises, but to me it sounds shallow, poorly thought and generalized stuff.
I very much second having on Esther Perel who is an actual expert at this stuff and can go very deep and nuanced on this complicated subject that people are tempted to see in black and white.
I feel like we are wired for simplicity, negativity and to quickly solve one problem at a time, I think it's a survival thing. When you have been through some stuff, and it hopefully, doesn't leave you severely traumatized or bitter, you can really start to open up to all of that nuance. It can heal and open up our world, deepen our joy and ability to give ourselves, loved ones and friends the grace to do things badly sometimes. A little at a time I suppose, that's all we can do.
Omg, now I understand why, as a female, growing up in that manner that she mentioned. I always had a backup guy around for me to run to when my relationships would turn south and not work out or go bad. It was so I always had that reassurance that I'd never be alone and always have a partner ready and waiting at my beckon call. Thank you for sharing and helping me understand myself and relationships on a whole new level. I appreciate you a lot and keep up the awesome work 👏
I don’t agree with this. It ignores gaslighting and it says that it’s easy to read someone or see through lies. Like dude, have you ever been lied to and had no idea?
It speaks on your gullibility to be gaslighted and to be for a long time.
So yea, it's still on you.
@@nnamdiuchendu8168 speaks to your niavety to think anyone is infallible. I was the same way prior to my own experience. Then I realized wow, that was a huge blind spot.
"they show you they don't believe in monogamy" - that's some weird bs. If they "don't believe in monogamy" why would they
1) start a relationship with a monogamous person without telling them they are not monogamous
2) hide the fact they are "not monogamous" until they get caught banging someone else
It means they might be attracted to that person so much that they lie by omission. However, their actions showcase promiscuous tendencies but you overlook it because you're attracted back.
Sadia is really insightful. One important thing not mentioned is the commitment to marriage. A lasting marriage often provides the better outcome for people, their children and families.
The thing she said about women who come from broken homes cheat more often. The reason is because they have no understanding of what family is. Coming from a broken home I never saw an example of a healthy happy family unit. I only saw fighting betrayal and misery. I seriously never knew families were supposed to love eachother. I thought all adult men hated "the old ball and chain" and their kids.
People also often cheat because they’re not getting something from their relationship. That’s not an excuse for it but if someone does cheat on you, there was probably something you did or didn’t do. My ex-fiancé cheated and learning what I did to push her there was important for future relationships.
Yes, because adults don’t have language to communicate thought.
@@RK-yu7mpSome people don't listen or believe their partners when they express their needs. Men are notorious for not expressing their needs openly. Some people don't know they have a certain need until it's met in a per chance way by someone outside their relationship. It's usually a platonic beginning, but there's an instant connection, this is the point at which a mature adult who loves and respects their partner will then go and talk to them about what they want or need, completely cutting off this other person with whom they might have cheated with if they hadn't been vigilant.
Perhaps. For a more nuanced look at it look at Esther Perel. Even people who are happy in relationships cheat.
Also, remember, that there are plenty of unhappy people in relationships that DON'T cheat. So it's a more complicated issue than presented in this video.
I learned that I was considered a failure in life surrounded by milliionaires. Even though it was hard ass recession times. Now I make probably more than any of them or their partners. When i was flying through the check points back then, all I got was lack of support, zero congratulations, and jealousy/shame from them. You can say i didn’t read the red flags but like most men I don’t really have any in the net. I think there’s a thing in your 20’s where you gamble that they might grow out of trait or two. Most people don’t change though.
@@RK-yu7mpThis assumes the baseline human is capable of becoming an adult. We’re id, the subconcious, that learn overtime to develop thicker more convincing masks while we figuratively eat our boogers, kick over your blocks, steal your toys, and whine for our mommy and daddy. Pretty sure if they tuned brain scan tech they could see who are integrated persons and who are weird layers built on top of undeveloped layers.
Professionals working with couples who have cheated says that ppl who cheat are most often very content in their relationships and dont have any intention to leave their spouse. The reason for cheating is often about themselves, feeling younger, feeling the "spark", feeling alive etc. So its more complex than just putting the blame on someone.
still, none of that justifies cheating
@@ernop350yeah it’s completely selfish and wrong, it’s immoral in a way
My god, the rationalization of stabbing your partner in the back in the back....
By nature, people cheat! The experience of a new partner is exciting to both men and women.
Tracy Schorn aka Chumplady. Leave a cheater. Great book. She's definitely the one to have on
Interesting take on the cheat. She's basically saying take responsibility for yourself, self protect and pay attention. Don't deny, brush off, go along to get along, or you may pay a huge price later on when these past inconsistencies suddenly come into clear focus after discovery. It is a precarious choice to put your well being onto another human. For those lucky folks uninitiated, know that you will eventually be ok if it happens; hv a back-up plan, dosh stashed, keep your job skills up to date.
Sadia's right, even subtle signs *are* there. I was gullible, hd blind loyalty and didn't recognize them, plus his lies were of omission rather than commission. I do recall his testing me with white lies, had brushed off as playful male teasing (in hindsight the stable men in my life did not treat their women like that). In my case he left for the other woman as she was pregnant , I was shattered, took years to recover, terrible waste of youthful time. It would be great if Sadia does a vid on recovery.
Sadia you are intelligent, educated and fit . I really hope you are not single !!
She's talking about herself. She can't be faithful and is tarring other women with the same brush.
If you want to leave relationship like a king so don't swear on her, don't touch physically and act calmly and you will see how good you feeling and how powerful you are, cause you will know that you did everything good by respecting her and you for sure will know that woman is not for you if she acts inappropriately.
A man forgiven for cheating loves the woman for her forgiveness.
A woman forgiven for cheating sees that she has enslaved her husband, and can not respect him.
It's terrible.
The more I learn about people, the more I see that women are the ones who poison the well, quit, hate the other, and then go off to do it again, whereas men strive and learn.
I stayed with my husband when he betrayed me at the time I needed him most. When I was pregnant with our 1st (only) child. He told me right before I got pregnant that he was absolutely sure he was still happy in our marriage and was absolutely sure he wanted to raise a child with me and hiw he would never leave his family like his own father had. I stayed because the courts would have literally forced me to hand my baby over to him AND his mistress. I saw no choice because I'd never let her around my baby. I had known her since childhood and she was actually supposed to be my friend.
So I stayed. He didn't love me more for staying. He saw it as me being desperate to keep my family from splitting and took it as a sign he could do absolutely whatever he wanted from then on and be able to keep a woman that provided half or most of he finances in the home if not all and he could cheat, quit jobs whenever he felt like it and take his sweet time finding another. By time I divorced him when our son was 5 I had still never cheated on him and he'd been with 5 other women that I know of. I was a shell. A ghost. I barely even remember my sons 3rd year because depression effects memory.
So don't tell me they love you for not leaving. They just see you as a push over ripe for more abuse.
Women should never forgive a man for cheating. Never.
But, I don’t think she is right here…
fiddy cent army, is that you?
@@Opal5674 I’m so very sorry that that happened to you… what a horrible man… your situation reminds me of someone I know. I hope life has somehow gotten better for you, though I know the scars remain…
SMH… the idea that cheating is a result of “gluttony” … I had a dream I was cheating and the feeling that hung over me for two days was not comparable to eating too much chocolate cake.
Ladies and gents she knows best brilliant woman.
3:12 - I disagree. You can get the best of both worlds while married. Bored, not sexually stimulated as well as healthy dose of loneliness, depression and sadness.
They've attempted to do studies with men who haven't used pornography. However, they were unable to form a control group. In an age where women are only interested in 5% of hypersexual men, the idea of finding any man who hasn't is absurd. Especially when men are penalized for showing interest in women either by accusations of harassment or reputation destruction.
Therefore, calling use of pornography "cheating" is patently ridiculous
Notice she didn't talk. About cheating talking to some who's not your partner to feel. Better mentally... Only. Physical. Cheating 😂
When and why has relationships become this complicated and messed up?
Because they lack integrity & fortitude
The reason may be, they afraid to tell you that their no longer interested on you,and their being cowards to tell the truth
Not your fault someone cheats on you, she’s a true narcissist. Love Chris❤, he’s awesome.
What Sadia is saying is unfortunately like only 70% accurate. She mixes fresh scientific knowledge with stubborn traditional world views, the latter filling the gaps whenever the science is still missing.
I bet most followers won't be sceptical about the details she says, just take everything at face value. Sad. But whether to stay naive is of course... your choice.
"Shocking reasons" and "hard truth" are just clickbait headlines. Titling a video "mostly accurate viewpoint" would be more truthful, but get less attention.
Damn basically gonna have to settle for bad sex 😭
Just got cheated on
Interesting. But she is wrong about guys just wanting to have sex. I live in Bangkok, and I know that is what lots of guys want. Going in a bar, picking up a girl, 5min later in the hotel, let's do it. And then forget her. It happens here all the time.
Devorse is a sin my people relationship is for better for worse no who you marry so when you marry the person work it out but vert the person and be very careful
She is so privileged. This is like victim blaming. Not everyone has a massive choice in the dating pool. If you have children you can't just end relationships willy nilly. If you want children in the first place you first need a man. She us a horrible person this woman with no empathy whatsoever
The thing about cheating is that, even if you can accept the cheating, can you accept the fact that they might spread an STD to you?
Well, I was cheated on once...his decision to go and put his penis into another woman was most definitely not my fault, but I found out and ended the relationship. He then spent five years trying to get me to take him back. I did not. And the concept of an alpha male human was debunked long ago...look it up, I did.
2 in 1🤔 been there with ex😂
Don't think that you can domesticate a bad boy/girl. If their previous relationships are all train wrecks you are probably next.
Polygamist here: one more reason to return to traditional pre-Gothic rituals.
Something about this lady bugs me. Can’t put my finger on it.
Disagree. For a more in-depth look at this, you should look up Gottman Institute research and Esther Perel - on why even happy people cheat in relationships. - Also , what blows her argument out of the water fairly easily is that not all unhappy people in marriages cheat. I've seen and lived through such cases myself. I know it's anecdotal but I've been unhappy in a relationship yet didn't cheat. And I know close people who are in bad relationships yet didn't cheat.
So cheating isn't as simple as "lol bro you missed the flags" or "it's a bad relationship and he/she is looking for what is missing".
Yeah, the more I watch this guest the more I don't think she recognizes that whether someone cheats or not is dependent on that persons personal agency. She makes the same mistake people make about poverty and crime... yes poverty can contribute to criminal behavior but the vast majority of poor people are not criminals.
Esther promotes poly relationships and inspired Jada smith in her relationship so I wouldn't trust anything that esther says
6:39
Because monogamy is an impossible goal. That said, men are just looking for some strange in most cases and have no desire to end the relationship. Women on the other hand are looking for the next best deal and more often than not do want to end the relationship.
Is it impossible? Married 34 years, widowed 2 years ago. Neither my wife nor I ever cheated on each other. Monogamy in absolute may be impossible in most situations (we are, after all a serially monogamous species) but within existing relationships it absolutely is possible. Don't conflate serial monogamy with poly.
@@gary8482 yeah, Bob? And how do you KNOW you’re not just a battery for a giant sentient supercomputer?
I'm a woman and I want a monogamous relationship and believe most women want to be monogamous but you're not gonna believe me aren't you? you rather believe men in their 30's and 40's gossiping all day on a podcast about women that and women this and the war between men and women continues one thing or sure I'd never be with someone who have such a negative view about women
@@gary8482how do you know, like, we’re not all just a dream in Gods head man?
@@gary8482exactly 💯. He don't have a detector🤓.
From what youve explained (at least how I understood it) is a man should dump a woman who failed him once and move onto the nedt one. Now, besides cheating, he will never be able to build and reconnect with any woman because he will always stay "alpha" - you've had your chance, I wish you the best. What benefit does a man get from being "respected" for that?
That absolute bullshit! It’s never the one who has been cheated on’s fault. They made a choice to cheat versus a choice to have a conversation about unmet needs or expectations. And trust me the one that gets cheated on has unmet needs too. They are just more mature. They don’t cheat. They also can’t read minds. You only solve problems in your relationship within your relationship. When you go outside it to get your needs met that is a choice. Blaming the other only holds water when after a conversation they don’t meet the others needs. They refuse. When you point your finger at the other, remember three fingers point back at you. The arrogance of this woman who generalizes everyone is feeding her own ego, like she knows everyone and doesn’t see every situation is unique. Woman cheat for many reasons: family influence, friend influence, thinking the grass is greener, avoidant attachment, narcissism, ego, pride, money, security, low self worth, lack of communication, unrealistic expectations, impulsiveness, feelings, insecurities, lack of attraction, sex, mental disorders, spite, revenge, not valuing their partner, hormones, lack of validation, thinking they can do better, ect. Woman file for 70% of divorces. What does that tell you? Second marriages fail at over 60%, third marriages at around 70%. Saying it’s the others fault exaggerates they other of any responsibilities. That complete bullshit. Cheaters will always cheat and look for any excuses out to not deal with their own bullshit! Period!
Basically she is saying it’s the man’s fault
This girl definitely cheats.
Confucius: The key to mastery of one relationship is hoping the woman you love has an affair, so that your harem will become larger😮😮😮
Useless advice. Yes you chose that person, but they are responsible for their own choices: Learn from it and choose better. But it is not the victims “fault”. They are simply responsible for chosing that the person and need to screen for character better.
0:59 Is she saying that you can't be platonic friends with an ex?
Heck, you can go from friends with benefits to regular friends and not have this changed.
@@-haclong2366no you can't
Of course you can't
No, you can't. Come on now.
I'm platonic friends with my one my exes. I have no desire to rekindle a relationship or hook up with her. We decided a long time ago that we were too different for a long term relationship to work and we would just end up irritating each other (or worse). She's still interesting enough to take in small doses but not more than that. @@jeanvaljean4218
I think the comments are misunderstanding what she’s saying.
People who get cheated are at fault because they should’ve seen the signs that the person was not good a person to be in a relationship with.
She’s pretty much saying “you chose to play with fire and you got burned”. Or in other words, if you date cheaters you’ll get cheated on. Therefore make wiser decisions.
It seems the issue people have is they also don’t want to be accountable for their poor discernment.
Fault can be too strong a word here.
I would take anything she says with a grain of salt She condone child marriage by saying the old man is "investing" in the girl so there's that
Oh, if that's what she's saying, then we most certainly did not misunderstand what she said.
They walk with the beast. A spiritual and moral path, whomever your spiritual guide, teaches you how to suffer the beast and defeat it. 👍🏻🍀✝️🇺🇲👊🏻
My parents divorced when I was young, because of my mother's adultery. Years later when my own marriage was having difficulties, my mother gave me this warning.
" If your not screwing your wife, somebody else is ".......
Look up Esther Perrel's work and you'll get a different story on infidelity
In the end, do what you want. You all read to much into this shit. People are going to do what they’re gonna do and we’re all gonna die without it mattering. I say that as a cheater and someone who’s been cheated on. And I’m confident in who I am knowing that.
Wow, she just aggregated all 8 billion people into two static and simplistic profiles: men and women. She must be a genius! I can't believe no one ever figured out you could do that. Imagine all the money we can start saving on research into human behavior that she clearly ignored, and rightfully so!
I would take anything she says with a grain of salt She condone child marriage by saying the old man is "investing" in the girl so there's that
Why would you take him back? What message is that sending to your children? That’s a stupid thing to say.
I won't lie. Williamson has one of the juiciest looking skulls in the game.
Maybe most cheat cuz they're greedy and don't care about you. Occam's Razor.
She didn’t answer the question. Not that they do or will cheat but the why.
Never mind, she did, narcissism.
Yes!
Im just gonna say it: If i cant have my beautiful, intelligent and warm hearted girlfriend, i want to die alone. And guess what? Im an ugly human toad. I will rest in piss, yaya i know
The joy of a slu..... Alternative connection
I don't know who the fuck she is, but she speaks like if she knows it all and on behalf of all women.
To any woman:
If you had cheated on your partner, did you think about it the same she says (that you have lost complete respect for the man you cheated on)?
SHE'S a red flag.
A wise woman❤
So what she's saying is that if a woman cheats the relationship is absolutely over due to the fact that we don't want a man that forgives us. So why call it cheating? Why not just say I ended the relationship by moving on to another man? Then she comes with the idea that we can forgive men cause you know it was just sex. Then she says that men that cheat aren't just having sex that there IS an emotional factor involved. I'm out. I'm not doing any of this. Everyone cheats so what's the point?
Everyone? Delusional
@@vilhelmkron7455 Yes, everyone. If a married woman flirts with the delivery guy it's cheating. If a married man lust over a woman at a store it's cheating. Everyone cheats. Who's being delusional?