The Narcissist's Most Sadistic Abuse Tactic: Reactive Abuse
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- čas přidán 4. 05. 2024
- In today's video Jill explains what the Narcissist's most sadistic abuse tactic that they use on their victims, today we are talking all about Reactive Abuse. #reactiveabuse #narcissisticabuse #malignantnarcissism #mentalabuse #mentalhealth
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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They bait you then when you react to the bait, they call you crazy! Yep!
Yep they set you up to fail.
I’ve had my share drama, unethical, illegal drama once my last parent died. You never tell Narc/enemy your plans, zero reaction. We all know they’re unethical, hate filled, jealous , miserable moles. I just secured an attorney several towns away to ensure their Will was respected.
Yes and if you don't react to their baiting then they use your stoicism and tranquility to accuse you of never caring about them and that you not getting emotional means you never loved them and you're "showing your true colors". So really there's no winning. You're either crazy and overly emotional or you're cold, uncaring, and "don't know how to love". It's a trap either way whether you react or not.
@@PassionateFlower you are right! Darned if we do, darned if we don't! Its a lose/lose.
@@sherrydickie8459 Yes all true but if we react they get fuelled up with narcissistic supply. I'm working hard on the not reacting because it usually ends up with me in angry tears and that makes these weak, sadistic people feel powerful and in control. Narcissists hate being ignored it ties in with their fear of rejection. Silence around the narcissist is golden keep working on it. 🤫
When it comes to narcissistic abuse, it's crucial to focus on understanding the dynamics of the abusive relationship and the impact it has on the victim, rather than making assumptions or generalizations about their behavior. Narcissistic abuse can have a profound and complex effect on victims, often leading to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, and a distorted sense of self-worth. It can erode trust, create feelings of isolation, and manipulate the victim's perception of reality. Some victims of narcissistic abuse may struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries, trusting others, or recognizing their own value. In some cases, individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse may engage in behaviors that are out of character, including cheating or seeking validation outside the relationship. These behaviors can be a response to the emotional turmoil and manipulation they have endured. It's important to approach this with compassion and understand that these actions may stem from a desire for validation, escape, or a misguided attempt to regain a sense of control or self-worth. However, it's essential to note that not all victims of narcissistic abuse engage in infidelity or seek external validation. Each individual responds to abuse differently, and their actions may vary depending on their coping mechanisms, personal values, and circumstances. If you or someone you know has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to seek support from professionals such as therapists or counselors who specialize in trauma and relationship dynamics. They can provide guidance, healing strategies, and help rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth and trust. Remember, the effects of narcissistic abuse are complex, and the healing process is unique to each individual. Judgment and assumptions can hinder the understanding and support that victims need. Providing empathy, compassion, and access to appropriate resources can contribute to the healing journey and empower survivors to rebuild their lives. Additionally, If you need to find out about a cheating narcissist; send a request to: Metaspyhub@gmail. com
Reactive abuse is evil, it's a form of gaslighting that the abuser uses to absolve themselves of responsibility for the abuse that they are conducting.
In addition to using it in their smear campaign against you. 😢
Ironically this was one of my episodes of reactive abuse to my narc. He spent the entire day antagonizing, abusing, and hurting me and then went downstairs to go sleep on the couch. I walked past him to get some water and suddenly was overcome with absolute rage that he could just lay down and go to sleep after hurting someone so bad. I stood at the end of the couch and cried screamed begged him to listen to me right as he was falling asleep. Unfortunately it ended with him choke slamming me against a wall pregnant.
@@sarahc.7400 get the hell out it only gets worse
So very well said thank you
My ex husband. He would wait until I went to bed, give me time to relax, almost asleep, then come in and start accusing me of one thing or another, starting a fight. I managed it for a while…but then one night I snapped. I was on my feet ON the bed and launched myself across the bed at him. I was kicking, punching, scratching whatever damage I could do to him. It went as far I went to the gun cabinet and put my hand on a loaded .44 rifle. He turned white as a sheet. I ended up in the bathroom floor crying for 2 hours. I kid you not…a week later he asked me to go on vacation with him. I told him he was crazy if he thought I was going anywhere with him. That was 8 years ago.
That level of manipulation is how I was Raised by my parents, & was my ex's main behavior, so I was Used to that kind of crazy behavior. I've distanced myself from all these ppl, but have no relationships w/ other family, or ppl connected to these gaslighters, bc They Believe thr gaslighters. I hope your life is more peaceful now. I guess mine is, tho it's lonely as hell. It Is much better being alone than w/ a group of ppl constantly messing w/ your mind for Sport, but I do wish I had a real friend, it'd probably make getting thru this situation a little easier, Idk. Just hope you're not arnd sick ppl like Your ex anymore 👍🏼❤️
@@e.1766 You’ve got friends right here who can understand what you’ve gone through. You tell “normal” people these things and they will tell you “Oh it wasn’t/couldn’t have been THAT bad!” There are many people who cannot comprehend another human, especially a parent, could be that way. They have no idea how blessed they are to not know such sadistic behavior can exist in another human. Both of my parents are narcissists, specifically my mother. I’ve been married and divorced 3 times and each time I was married to an abusive man. The aforementioned? A combination of them ALL…including my mother. Allow yourself time to just “be”. Be the parent, spouse, lover you never had. That’s what I’m doing! Being my own best friend. Good luck and much love to you! ❤️
You ladies are Beautiful!!
Remember you are not Alone.
Praising Heavenly Our Father, for getting Us away from these sick and twisted evil creatures…
Been 7 years No Contact with the ex narc and my mother and Sister..
This is the Time you take care of you… And don’t let anyone change you- don’t lose yourself again!! Take one day at a time- it does get Better!!
John 3:16 KJV
Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV
🙌❤️✝️
Hugging you both, tight right now!! 🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@deannamartinez7233 🥰🥰🙏❤️
Good Lord I know that feeling! I’m sorry you went through that! They are evil creatures. I hope and pray you are far away from him! 🙏🏻
Unless you've experienced it, it is hard to believe. Someone will literally pretend to hate what is good about you, wreck you with negativity, then mimic all things good about you, all the while telling people lies about you saying you were acting like they were actually being. Unless you have experienced this, you would have a hard time even writing a sentence like the one you just read. 😥🙏🏽
Been there too!
You are not alone, I have been there. It's awful😢
it's the worst, the very worst, and boy am I happy to be many states away....
It's pure evil
Been there, living it, look forward to the day I am no longer here. It will be nirvana, heaven, and bliss all rolled up together. This too shall
Pass.🙏❤️🌿
Basically, all of the interactions a person has with a narcissists is reactive abuse. The only thing the narcissist wants out of an interaction with another person is to have their ego propped up because of feeling insecure. The conversation between a person and a narcissist isn't reciprocal. A narcissist isn't looking to give anything positive back to another person in a conversation, unless it props up the narcissist's ego or is meant to bait the person into propping up their ego later on.
It's really weird once a person understands narcissism because dealing with a narcissist is like dealing with an alien in a meat suit that's out to drain people of their energy and destroy their life. Once a person understands narcissism it's easier to understand why no contact with a narcissist is essential.
💯
Clear.
I agree.
Totally
The Narc can't feel good until you feel bad.
The best response, is to give them Zero Reaction. Narcissist’s want you to react, so they can shift the blame.
That is So hard to do, when they've Worn you down to the Bare Nerve of your Psyche.
They love a reaction, narc supply. It is best to walk away , quietly.
@@carriered4715 True it takes the patience of Job and more dealing with evil-minded people and that's exactly what narcissists are. The amount of Survivor's watching videos on how to deal with narcissists is growing at a fast rate it's quite alarming really.
I had to do that, as my sister screamed and yelled "look at the Trust, Here is the POA" and then when I would step forward to read the pages she would yank the Trust binder away from me and close it so I could not read it over and over again, all of the time yelling at me I have a POA I am in control I would say let me see it and she would see me stepping towards her so she just kept bobbing up and down and back and forth behind her little red Mini Cooper taunting me, which she had purposely parked sideways, directly behind my car and my fathers car, which was parked properly with the front ends pointing towards the front of the garage so we would be blocked in. Her car was parked to block us from leaving and heading west with a clear shot to go down 81st, the street towards LAX; therefore; leaving her with a clear shot to run around her tiny Mini Cooper hit me hard on my back, throw my Fathers Trust binder into her car and head on down the street to LAX to fly home to the Portland area with My Father's Trust binder in had and without his permission since he was upstairs sleeping. I did not hit her back I told her I was going to call 911 and I did!
Practice, practice, practice…unfortunately long term exposure to these so called “humans” will either take you down or you learn “zero response”
To top it all off the abuser convinces themselves that they are the real victim and you are the real abuser. Narcissists are mentally deranged they belive in their own lies till the end of their days. Good video.
This is right. You can see them in their 70s and 80s still playing their vicious games.
@@lizlearnedthehardway4663 Yes they get worse as they age more crafty.
I heard someone say once, that if you hear someone say that another person is crazy or was screaming their head off, You should immediately ask "what did you do to them?"
That's what I asked my current wife: "What did you do before your ex-hubby went physically violent?" She cut me short: "There's no reason to hit a woman." After insisting for months and months, she confessed she "talked back". Then I learned (after much insisting) that she was verbally abusive with her next boyfriend, and that he used to tell her that she was "hurtful" with her words. Now I'm with her (I learned those details after marriage, since she was always vague about it), and she calls me "emotionally unstable", when in fact she made me react after so many lies and deception, which is the "reactive abuse " the video talks about. Now, I'm learning to think well before responding to her, because I already saw how she twists my words against me, and how she has made other men suffer. Yes, I'm her next brokenhearted.
But of course, if I ask a woman "What did you do before you were hit?", I'll be interrupted, as if a man was not allowed to delve into the whole situation and context of the mistreatment. No, sometimes women provoke men they can't defend themselves from, then cry victim. It's a trap!
Thank you for reading me. I don't have anyone to talk to. I really wish you the best.
Thank GOD I just I just heard that rhetorical question. I am SO stealing that one. (I'm not talking about an ex-girlfriend here, but a male friend, or about siblings I went NO CONTACT with. I am repeating that question the next time I ever hear anything even if it's from someone I think I'm in the friendliest terms with just to see what they're REALLY about!)
@@aramisy.cajigas744 Hey dude, I went through something like that a few decades ago sort of. Just hang in there and don't ever react because the court system is rigged against you if you're in America. All it takes is 5 magic words from a woman not being abused, "Officer, he is SCARING me!!" then you or I are going to jail guilty until proven innocent in the pretrial phase.
I be a hypocrite if I told you to dump her because I also stuck around with a woman that like that for a little too long myself. Except for one false accusation they didn't call any police or anything, but they made my life a living hell whenever they felt like it without there being a fight I can even justify from a third-party point of view.
@@aramisy.cajigas744 If intensive marriage counseling (which is going to cost you about as much as paying a lawyer's retainer fee) won't yield any positive changes in this woman's behavior you ought to file for a marriage annulment and not walk, but run away, before this vampire sucks the last drop of blood out of you! Remember that you weren't looking to be a psychopath's doctor nor are you equipped or trained to handle it, you were just looking for a nice wife. I would liken a narcissist woman to what Cesar Milan calls a red-zone dog. Only professionals can handle such dogs and most of us aren't trained or have the talent for it. However, may God stand at the forefront of all your decisions, words and actions and you will not go wrong!
@@aramisy.cajigas744I understand words can hurt you and smearing your character is wrong but I will stand with your girlfriend on this. There is NO reason for a man or a woman to hit someone for reason of words that were said. There is nothing that can be said that you deserve to be hit. Use words back or walk away. Hitting is where the ‘victim’ or the bully becomes wrong in their act unless being physically attacked you do not have a right to offend another person. Everyone has a right to defend themselves.
I have to change my address, phone, entire life. They are trashing me. If I could go into witness protection I would. These narcs are pure Demons.
I completely had to hide my phone number even from my parents. Nothing remotely justify their endless cyberstalking of me
IMPURE!
OMG!! I wish I hesrd this YEARS ago!! Explains what I went through for 43 years!! The last 2 years of my marriage were the WORST!! At times I acted like a raving lunatic! Validating what he tried to convince my kids that I had BPD!! Eventually, my son came around & saw the truth that I WASN'T CRAZY! I had a stroke from the YEARS of stress after his performance in divorce court! I neverr heard of a narcissist before but sure endured one for far too long!! At 75 not sure I will.live long enough to fully heal 😢
I'm so sorry that you had to endure such misery. May God heal you and give you peace without that nightmare in your precious life.
Diane Lee so sorry to hear of your experiences. I've experienced similar issues with my ex husband. So glad you're out of that situation. Take each day at a time in your healing process, learn to love yourself, appreciate all the good things in your life and the beauty of nature .❤
It's too bad some of us can't get to know each other. I don't know anyone near me that could spend together going to lunch, having coffee, etc...just being friends. I sure could use a good friend. One who understands my dilemma.
Psalms 37 : 10 11 29🌴🌴 offers hope
Psalms 37 : 10 11 29🌴🌴 offers hope
I get cluster migraines. My husband will wait until I’m bedridden from one to attack me. He Baker acted me because I was in tears from the pain from the migraine and his abuse. Told the authorities I was suicidal. A Baker act requires a 72 hour mandatory psych hold but I was released the next day. Not suicidal but needing therapy. I thank that psychiatrist for setting my path of healing before me. 3 years of therapy later and I’m so much better. Age and finances keep us together. He no longer triggers me. His name calling just gets the door shut in his face as I refuse to enter in where I used to willingly go. He’s not changed but I have. There is hope and light out there. You can do this.
It happened to me. Narc husband created an argument. I was calm and kept my composure at first, even telling him to calm down and stop screaming at me (in a calm voice). He kept on and on, eventually saying something that set me on fire. I lost it and pushed him against a wall. The "cowardly lion" then called the cops. I had a long, friendly talk with two police officers. I guess the narc was thinking I'd be scared and grateful that he didn't press charges, but at that point,I didn't care and I definitely wasn't afraid.
I later told our children what happened (they were away at college) and apologized to them. I also apologized to God, but I wasn't sorry I pushed him.. I realized I was baited and my response was natural. So, I guess it was a sorry, not sorry. I should've forcefully stood my ground years ago. I can't let him push me to that point again, but I know my reaction was normal reactive abuse and I don't feel any shame or guilt.
And then when you are a shattered mess, a complete shadow of your former self, they walk out, take your child and use that description of you to take custody of the child. Not only that, they involve their family. He had his family going behind my back from the time our son was born, until he left (9 years!), they wrote down everything, but turned it all on me. The made me seem crazy, unfit. It's been over 2 years, he still has my son. You become a victim of the system, the courts, everything. Can't even get therapists to write letters for court anymore. It's unbelievable. It's like being repeatedly victimized until you just give up all hope and realize that healing is a joke, moving forward is a joke. It's like they ended your life and no matter what you do or how hard you try, it really is over. It doesn't take long after they leave for you to feel good again, to get your balance, to know you are not and never were crazy, but by then, it's just too late.
💔
All true, I went there myself. It's like the narc & you switched minds
So very true. It's so hard to be positive when they take out the chip In our brain and stomp on it on the floor. And that part of the brain needs hard work to be done to rejuvenate the broken mess it is in. Daily hard work.
@@zoespiteri5034 I want the dreams to stop - nightmares. During the day I can focus on something, even though I still isolate most of the time, but I can't stop the bad dreams. They started before he left. I think subconsciously I knew and my dreams always portrayed him as disinterested, just really the bad guy. I'd tell him the dreams and he'd just snicker. Now I understand why I was having them, it was because that was really who he was, I was just to broken to understand it at the time. It's been more than 2 years since he left and I still have dreams and now they include the perpetrators in his family. I hate it.
@@girlphoenix334 yes its hard being near them for too long and too long is five minutes. I'm getting them out of my life slowly. I have to keep reminding myself daily how I'm moving forward and not lose myself in it all. Strange how we all sound exactly the same.
My mother was my first narc. She would wait until i was having a good day and was happy. Maybe i got an A in school and wanted to tell her. Id come home with a happy heart and she would greet me with vile accusations of something i didnt do. When i tried to defend myself she would slap me across the face and accuse me of backtalking. Then she'd put wide adhesive tape across my mouth and send me to my room. I was bewildered, hurt, humiliated and angry. After an hour or so she'd come in and rip the tape off my mouth. It hurt and left a red mark.
Eventy i quit defending myself and went silent and took the abuse. I ended up.marrying and divorcing three times to narcissistic abusers. I have been single since 2007. My mother fied in 2018. I couldnt cry.
You didn't have a reason to cry😢
The whole false idea that "it doesn't matter who started it" or that it "takes two to tango" is part of the reason that this is effective.
Takes two, her family said this to me. Her bs was more convincing than my truth.
Whatever the narc abuses someone, they don't feel whether guilt nor shame, they just "forget" things and occasionally bribes the actual victim by throw them a bone or a soft pat on the head as if someone else's pet. Yeah, narcs wishes that we're "pets".
Yep i am Trauma Bonded and then when you react their Demonic smirk
Mine uses the car. Drives distracted in all the ways possible because he knows it scares me. He completely ruined a road trip the one time I mentioned it. The next 2 road trips he drove distracted. I made mention both times and he reacted like a bully. So I shut my mouth and endured the stress. It was the last road trip I will ever take with him. He's the same guy who insists he honors me. To honor means to value. Distracted driving is devaluing enough. Doing it to inflict fear and assert control is about as honorable as trash.
Yup. Every vacation. Every road trip. They think they are race car drivers and that every other driver is an idiot. They act like other cars have no right to be on the road. Being a passenger with the rageaholic is a nightmare.
My mother is a malignant narcissist. Awful women caused so much pain. She abused my brothers and me (physically & emotionally). My poor father fell victim to my mother and committed suicide when I was 13yo he was only 37yo the same age I am now. I’ve been trying to understand his death for so long. She tied him like a knot, cheating on him. He actually did it the night he found out she was cheating on him and met the other man. Everything you described is what my father endured while being married to her and I endured as her daughter. She would throw him out of the house and as he walked away she would follow him with her car and tell him to come back for the kids. He would cry and say he was afraid to come back home because their fighting is causing him so much debilitating pain. She would call him every name in the book, blame him for all of her problems and convince him that he was the abuser. I am finally no contact with her and focusing on healing myself.
My mother would kick me out of the house then go house to house telling the neighbours I ran away, then act like mother of the year when she found me sitting outside. Years later this demon had the audacity to lament that teenagers were horrible and said that *we* had some bad years.
A malignant narcissist kept picking at me, I literally screamed into the phone. He sounded like he got off, said wow!
Yea they love that intense attention and the fact they are capable of getting you that upset. It's a twisted sadistic pleasure
My narc neighbor attempted reactive abuse on me multiple times so he could use it against me. I learned to not react and document and report the incidents. I'm desperately trying to move, but it takes time to find a place and the financial resources to do it. Otherwise, I would have moved a long time ago. I feel trapped in an abusive situation because of limited resources, and I 'm doing my best for the time being to not react and ignore him, to avoid consequences
Act as if you have gone mad. Pace around with a rifle like you are trying to talk yourself out of killing him..and let him see it but don't let him know you saw him watching you. He will never bother you again. I used this with my narc neighbor who threatened to kill my dog. He never screwed with me or mine again. Actually moved a year later.
@@easttexassplendor9670 Brilliant!!
@@easttexassplendor9670 This behavior can result in police being called in. Could easily backfire. Not a good plan.
@@sb4759 hehehe
Politicians also work this way.
Wait till you see what they're going to do to the country this Fall.
Thats why i couldnt see my 6 year old daughter for a year. She ran to the court and did this, and POOF there went my rights to see my daughter. I can never trust another person again.
They already take enough from us. Don’t let them steal your trust for others. There’s still some good ppl out there 👋. ❤
Trust Jesus he is the only reason I have not killed myself
Parental alienation. So sick.
I believe that is what my x bf did with his first wife so he wouldn't have to pay child support. He claimed she was going out drinking and leaving the kids with her mother so he ended up getting custody. However, he told on himself by telling stories of staying drunk most of the time during those years. After living with him I believe he threatened her and was so abusive she just gave up. Now his children are in their 30's, and his son has the same narcissistic characteristics as him and he is abusive to his daughter because he hates the fact that she has a good relationship with her mother. And he will never change. He said he doesn't see any reason why he should change.
Ah, "trust" has to be earned. We are wrongly persuaded to "trust" people who have not earned it. Once you realise you have the final say on who you trust, you'll find you can trust people (but in very defined ways). Never say never! Recovery from this dramatic lesson is very possible. Once learned you don't make the same mistake again - just be careful about making a different sort of mistake!
Greatest video of all time you have truly unlocked what this spirit does to wage war against us.
and God forbid if the Police are called! because if the victim who's been pushed to their limit and has a reaction that may get physical (although this is out of character for the victims, who are usually the peace keepers, the egg shell walkers, the fawning, apologizing, the whatever it takes to not get beat up) if she's hysterical, shaking, crying and he's Mr. Calm, Cool & Concerned...Cops many times will handcuff & haul the victim to jail....and talk about HYSTERICAL
OMG! The humiliation, the injustice, it's so degrading, so shaming....It can even get worse! If they haul you off for a 72 hour mental health hold, in a locked down psych ward, with an ankle monitor & people who think your crazy or suicidal or homicidal (which at this point you are) but mostly you're Sad, so damned sad & mad & crying.
They kept me for 12 days.
I totally get this. The narcs are such masters of manipulation. An emotional and/or sensitive victim can only take so much and all her pain is then used against her. It is completely insidious.
Yes, it happened to me when I was Married to my Ex Husband. The Cops came and made me leave for the night. I was emotional, crying and screaming, while he played the "calm" role. I was even more angry when they told me to leave but I left. Of course he called me a little after the Cop left and said "He forgave me and I could come back to the House". Some nerve.
Dealing with my narcissistic mother in law would drain me off the energy and the whole day I used to feel tired when she was alive.. I suffered for 22 years exactly the same way you described Jill..
Yes, she would paint me as the abuser, when I reacted aggressively. This also lead to the decline of my health as well.. Extreme fatigue, palpitations, agitation, and finally I had a heart attack at age 42.
All these knowledge and wisdom should be taught at young age so that we know how to deal with these toxic people.
my nark mother-in-law ganged up with my sister nark also have a brother nark and son nark totally worn out from their abuse
Dishes...do my dishes.... acting sick
Meanwhile when I'm sick , fucking crickets
Don't dish it out if you can't take it. Don't let them shame you. You have every right to defend yourself. Of course, it's best to ignore and stay calm. However if someone gets pushed into a corner enough times, they're going to come out swinging. Remind them of their terrible behavior and you have every right to defend yourself
That's what many narcs want. They want to push and push until their victims lash out physically, which the narc can call the police and have them arrested
They want to engage and anger you ! Do not feed into their schemes ! Simply state, "That is a LIE" (calmly)...and walk away the next time they degrade/insult/insinuate ! I go through this ALL of the time with someone who has a co-morbidity of HPD/BPD/NPD/ASPD/Dark Tetrad traits ! This is NO joke, and they live to agitate, humiliate, and abuse !
Do not ever react to a narcissist.. don’t give them the satisfaction.. it’s your best counter.. you basically silently in your mind , say F off.. and ignore them. No responses.
That's what I'm going through
Thank God, I saw it few months back. Prior to that I was gaslighted for 18yrs
Wow you described my situation to a tee- for years he had me believing I was mentally ill and a terrible person - thank you so much for spreading this message 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
All the narcissists I know use "ugly shouting" to intimidate when nothing has happened except a disagreement. I have been calm having a matter-of-fact demeanor and this rage emerged like an atomic bomb from the narcissist. I have not reacted to it when it is extended family members but have cut them off. You are right that the goal is to control their victim and make the victim look bad in the eyes of others. It is a weird dynamic, the whole room sides with the narcissist because he blew up I must have done something wrong toward him. I came to the conclusion that they are all narcissists and all react the same way when someone thinks differently from them. I have put them all out of my life. I am convinced it is a narcissistic culture and system that was learned from the parents who passed it down over the years.
Ya i been through this since i was a young child. My father destroyed my entire life with this abuse. He tricks my entire family into thinking he’s a good father & that i’m the monster child who reacts & has tantrums. I’m also autistic, so i have symptoms of that & i’ve had meltdowns. Everytime, he scapegoated me. This society doesn’t protect anyone from narcissistic abuse bc of the patriarchy & the government being infested with narcissists.
This is *exactly* what my narc mother does. Bait and torment me until I get react and say I am abusing her. She once did this during a fight, and ran crying to my brother saying that I had been abusing her. My sister-in-law believed her. I nearly ended up homeless. She also tried this various times saying my dad was abusing her but in the end she cried wolf one time too many. Now nobody believes her when she cries "abuse!".
Now she will try claiming I am abusing her and then saying I am mentally ill for reacting. My dad although she abuses him too is an enabler who will do anything for a peaceful life, including shouting and screaming for me to "shut up!" when I am trying to defend myself.
You just described my 82 y/o mother. I’ve had to go no contact because she was driving me insane. She is sooooo abusive! Been divorced 4 x
They will film you when you "snap".....
Mine recorded my voicemail and put me in jail for terroristic threats.
@@z32luvr I can't say what I want to, but "If I'm going to prison ANYWAY..."
That happened to me! I blamed myself for letting things go that far. Afterwards I know I had no choice. I reached my breaking point and I don't blame myself anymore for that. Took me 10 years to get to this conclusion. I will never trust anyone ever again though. I now avoid relationships. I'm actually quite happy on my own.
Yep that was a regular occurrence and pissed me off. He’d replay the recordings and make me sit there and listen and take notes. Just to drum into my head that I’m mental, and also to make me feel shame and like a bad person. In my mind all I could hear in those recordings was a woman in extreme pain and every rant I had all were about the same things, financial abuse, being used, bled dry of everything, not feeling loved, appreciated, respected, lies and promises broken, fake future building, all talk no action, totally and intentionally neglected, and at the time not knowing he was recording. He’d stay quiet and calm and hit record while I would rant and ball my eyes out in emotional agony and confusion. It’s a sneaky tactic and yeh they do it to hold against you as well to try damage your reputation and even have you arrested and say you’re abusive.
Ofcourse after being subjected to listen later I’d be fed some bullshit about how I needed to go to mental health sessions. I wasn’t mental before him. Interestingly there were times he told me every partner he ever had ALL were mentally unwell or bipolar. Hmmm…why every partner was mental…I pieced it together once his sparkly shine faded as I suffered years of abusive behaviour and realised it wasn’t gonna change. The narcs should be in therapy not us.
Yes then use it against you and threaten that you won't see your children if you leave
Whenever my Narc Mom calls, she is always agitated and angry... then she starts needling me until I snap. The moment I lose my sh*t, she's all better! She's suddenly calm and rational - and I am the crazy person who's yelling like a maniac. Then she hangs up on me, and I call back to apologize for losing my temper. OMG... it's all just a game. It's always been a game.
Those are the type of games my narcissistic father played for years. I'm 63, he's 83 and just got out of the hospital from pneumonia and also has congestive heart failure. I just drove 700 miles to take care of him and when I was cleaning his nasty house the day after I got there he started yelling and verbally abusing me. I remained calm and the next day when the nurse arrived I put my suitcase in my car and left. He texted me the next day telling me to call him. I haven't called and I refuse to take any more abuse. I've tried all my life and it will never change. People can think whatever they want to. But I also know he is running out of people because he is so abusive. He will have to sell everything he owns to pay caregivers and then he will have a hard time finding one that will stay.
@@jane84321 They get meaner as they get older.
😢
Sadism is a dark hole I went down trying to figure out why people act this way. I think sexual sadism is a big one with the people who get pleasure out of ruining others relationships.
Man, I think of all the narcissists I've known in my life, going back to childhood. Family, teachers, school and neighborhood bullies, etc. And then as an adult, co-workers, bosses, acquaintances, authority figures, etc. Narcissists are everywhere and American society often rewards their worst behaviors, normalizing pathologies. Just like the best way to stay healthy isn't to hold yourself up as a hermit at home to avoid all potential pathologies but to robustly build up your immune system through exposure the best way to deal with narcissists is to build up your own self worth and self confidence, knowing that people are just people and their words, opinions and tactics to get you to react to them only reflect THEIR OWN weaknesses and desperate insecurities. Narcissists WANT you to be weak, scared and pliable. Don't let them. Ignore the ones you can and leave the ones you can't. Most of all, stay safe and don't play THEIR game, which is always stacked against you.
13yrs of being in a narcissistic relationship. Baited, restraining her from hitting me, spitting at me, kicking, following me to carry on the abuse if I walked away to find time to calm down, locking the door to block me from getting away, pushed to the limit of breaking until I had a meltdown, shouting, even screaming at her to stop (I’m on the autistic spectrum). Only for her to say back to me “look at you all aggressive, you MONSTER! You’re EVIL! You’re SCUM!”. I believed I was a monster for my reactions. It destroyed me. I found the courage to escape 3yrs ago, but she stalked me for a yr and now I don’t go out all that much. I’ve lost my friends, my family act indifferently. Currently seeing a therapist…..but before her I’ve been abandoned by the local mental health services, my doctors don’t care. I’ve put all my faith in my current therapist, I have no other option
Edit: some spelling mistakes and a bit more I remembered, sorry
Well as a father Rights are scary to say the least. I have a great Mother and that's what I truly want for my children in case I am gone. This world is hard enough and her beauty is worth every bit of it. I payed every price in bars when younger have to almost fight women and men off constantly it seemed. I use to tell her as she was way too gorgeous for one man. Stirring up her brain more and more. One of the most beautiful women on earth. Body I always wanted and even let her beat me the first day we met. People would play her down they were so jealous many. Oh she's a six or seven in my head ha ha ha I been with like 30 forty woman by her. I know a 10. Men telling her I ll die for you and she in my arms at night even during the day when lucky. Hell yeah feel lucky. I worried about losing the best looking woman I ever had standing laying you name it in front of me. Lucky I had previously cheated on all the others because it prepared me for her. I still prefer beauty over anything in honesty
She is right on target. 29 years. Thank God I am free.
It’s all so twisted. Everything is perspective and perspective is everything. I had reactive abuse even when not provoked in the moment, just from the added stress and confusion, not ever knowing where I stood despite being married to the guy, not being in an adult partnership, having him counterparent, etc. my two older kids truly believe I’m the problem because of what they witnessed with me. Over time I started using terms like gaslighting, not knowing anything about narcissism, and finally realized how much of what he said was projection, like when he told me “I’m sorry you have such low self-esteem“, which I bought for a long time, I finally said no I know what I’m talking about and you’re free to think or believe whatever you want. That’s when I noticed how fragile his ego really was
Oldie but goldie, you just have to detach and let them run off with their "win"
😱🍷🍷🍷😎🤠🩳🫏
Thank you for giving me words to describe what I've been experiencing. Bless you, sincerely.
You are so welcome
I completely get this, i actually said to my narc wife that people like her cause people like me to loose our minds. she will even question why am i angry like she did nothing wrong, and that gets me more frustrated. i thank god i have extremely high will power to not just give into my primal urgers of anger to just throw a brick at her. the only thing i do to vent an extreme situation is to just hit a bench to let it out. Im not a violent person at all and would never lay a hand on any female. but these horrible tactics of emotional and mental abuse for the past 7 yrs are draining my soul. im only with her still as our young children need us both. life has been bitter sweet, horrible thanks to her but beautiful as i have my 2 beautiful children. and i fear what their lives will b e like when i have to leave their mother, she is batshit crazy even to them and it breaks my heart everyday i have to leave to go to work :( im in my mid 30s and i dont want to waste my youth anymore with her... i want out but im stopping myself as im more concerned with the wellbeing of my babies
Research how a narcissistic parent affects a child's life. My mother stayed with my narcissistic father to keep the family together. It messed my life up having to live with a narcissistic father. Research and document the effects of her actions. Just make sure you keep the documentation in a secure place. I wish you and the children the best.
@@jane84321 oh i have keep a document on all the crazy she has put out to my and the kids. This is the part I fear the most even though im desperate to leave my wife… we have 2 young children under 3 atm, I scared that she will try to take them away from me. Though I have a journal of all the crazy narcissistic crap she has done since we have had them ( not including prior).
it’s the only way I can think of having anydefence against her constant lying to others and to show in court how unhindged she actually is even with our kids.
Please, I ask for any advice on this, I feel so lost and my soul just drained of all positivity but I want to make sure my children are safe and I can have them at least 50% of the time…
Run. Grab your children and run as fast as you can away from that crazy woman. I wish my dad had with me. I am now in my 50’s still trying to get the narc mom out of my life. She’s mean!! Don’t let your children be subjected to her!
God bless!
Right there with u brother do what feels right
I really needed this video in this moment. Thank you so much for making this.
You're so welcome!
My mother 😢
She even took me to a psychatrist when I was a teenager/young adult. When the Doc said that I wasn't the problem, my mother started abusing and blaming her of not being professional 🤦♀️
I never saw that Doc again and never understood what was going on that time.
She always turned things the way it is described here. Walked around telling everyone what a monster and useless child I was. But she never mentioned what she did to me before.
She even had me manipulated in a way that she forced me to get married to a guy I didnt like at all, just for the sake of her own second marriage. Ultimately after almost one year I just ran away from home. Guess what? Who was the evil person who destroyed the family? Exactly. Me.
I even dragged her to court for forcing me into marriage. The show she put up in front of the judge was hilarious. She was crying her eyes out and held her heart, seemed she would faint anytime from that emotional pain.
Literally a few moments later, outside the courtroom she started laughing and patting her thighs, proud of how she fooled the judge. He decided in her favour that the accusations were not proven. She got the favour of the doubt 😪
And I felt like I literally lost everything.
The husband of my birth mother threw a rage fit sitting right behind my wife in our car, telling her she was stupid for paying a $2 toll so we could take him to the airport to get a rental car. After experiencing a lifetime of abuse from him I realized I wanted to end him right then and there. After we dropped him off, I had some time to think and realized I needed to confront him and possibly leave as opposed to killing him. My birth mother is in denial and acts like she can't understand why I would be so angry at being subjected to his rage fits as an adult. My wife had a rough childhood too and I will be damned if I will allow him to hurt her as well. My birth mother is still gaslighting people about the campaign to convince the world just how much of an anger problem I have. My wife and I have been no contact a year and a half and just starting to heal. It is awful, I still think of calling my sick birth mother daily, but after I replay all she has done and allowed, I choose to keep silent.
You said it!! It's definitely about mind control!! It's cruel!!
My ex husband! Also a sister. So happy i learned their MO finally. They detest gray rock.
This was her speciality, I'm such a calm free spirit kind of person, but wow every time she did this, she changed the way she did it so I didn't know where I was. One of the ways she would do it, would have me leave at times because it was too much, I swear she would do it at times to get me away so she could then go out and spend time another guy, somehow when she baited me again to go to her, I would have to apologise for what ever just happened even though I had no idea what just happened, apart from it being a massive over reaction to something so small. A year later I still ain't right but I'm getting better, example, I have now met an absolute gem of a woman, she asked me recently why do I pause sometimes when she asks me a question, she said its ok it's a nice little trait not a criticism. This is because of 2 years walking on egg shells pausing to answer questions for a calm life rather than being myself. I hope that part recovers if not atleast I found someone who loves me for who I am.
my mother is a narcisstic personality disorder... of course, she thinks she is normal and its everyone else that has the problem... unfortunately from me, she was a single parent so it was just me, and her... I learned how to deal with the world from her, and how to have relationships and how to treat people from her... at 55 I am just about a social basket case. no friends and have given up on women, because I am incapable of having a good relationship, either I choose the wrong woman (just like mom) or if she is a good one, all the issues i was saddled with start to come out and I just dont want to do that to anyone...
Experienced more than once Jill !
I am currently going through this exact situation and have been for the last seven years with my wife.
At the very beginning, I used to confront her about things that I saw, obviously were amazingly dysfunctional and manipulative, and she would turn it around and say that I was trying to control her.
The last couple years it’s gotten to the point where it bothers me so bad that I literally flip out and scream and yell and break things only to be told, that I’m a psycho and I need therapy and I need to be on medication, which I have actually followed through with.
The problem is that now I don’t react that way anymore and now the past is brought up to punish me, and there is absolutely no way that I can redeem myself.
I don’t know how to get away.
Everything we own, including 9 acres is all in my name because her credit was destroyed from her ex-husband.
Sometimes I sit alone in my small cabin on the property by myself and wonder if I am such a terrible person. Why should I even continue living?
You've nailed it. A major problem tho is that HR has no clue about any of this and buys what the abuser sells. To me, this is where all this talk needs to be focused on as it gravely affects the ability to go to work in this environment.
An ex of mine told me that his ex wife was crazy…that she would scream and hit her head against the wall etc. I remember feeling sorry for him for going through that until he abused me to the point of LOSING MY SHIT AT HIM. He was awful! Financial, physical, sexual, emotional abuse…absolutely textbook. Luckily I had really good friends that helped me get out after only 6 months. He tried VERY hard to stop me seeing my friends though ‘if you love me, you’ll never see them again’
Man, this is my mother, my mother in law and my late husband... thank you for your videos Jill, they surely are confirmation that we are not crazy, but instead being manipulated. I love you! Glad to see you back! You continue to be strong! ❤❤❤❤
🙏🙏🙏
I have seen so many men get arrested for a CDV because they reacted against the wife’s abuse. They go to jail and cops and the judges always side with the abusive woman.
That's life's dirty little secret. I grew up in a family of narcissistic women. And attracted many in career and work life.
Retired early at age 58 and was so happy to be away from their mess.
I am NO CONTACT with all female relatives except one.
After I mastered Zen mode and could turn everything they did and said back on them I finally SAW how sad, pathetic and BORING they really are.
What a shame to live your life to push other people's buttons for your fuel. The worse part is when you realize that they are so addicted to this that no amount of reason, intelligence, explaining will change them. Even though they see I cannot be moved they,still keep trying. That's where the BORING part comes in.
They are like the wizard of oz being the curtain- all huff and puff and blow your house down until exposed.
I have a male cousin who also did this to me. Borrowed money. Refused to pay it back. I kept asking for it. He kept lying and said he,sent it.
One day I figured he was in on the abuse the scapegoat game(me) so I consciously decided to give him just what he wanted. I told him off via text and email. Then he went and told the whole family I was CRAZY and trying to extort money from him. I sent them a copy of one of my savings account balances. I laughed at them when they realized I didn't need to extort anything.
And my cousin Debbie finally spilled the beans on him.
What he didn't know was he got played. I already KNEW his game. I had not seen this cousin for many years and he presented himself as a righteous Christian. Didn't feel right so I background checked him. Whewwwww!
Liar and a big thief. Screwed his sister out of thousands. Lost her house.
He's still poor and broke at 71. Living in a trailer-left his,wife for a 20 something.
Immediately went NO contact after my reactive abuse act 4 years ago.
Only one cure for this crazy country cousin.
An eternal dirt nap.
Living well is the BEST REVENGE!!!
A lot of times when i see a domestic violence story i always question just what she did to him bc of my own experience i am glad there are some women who also look at it this way
3 of my friends had to deal with this for many years till they got away from toxic women partners who baited them & then called the police, all lost their homes, their kids, reputations, BUT all of them ended up with their kids living with them & the kids realising what their mothers were.
It’s the school bully scenario. They antagonize you until you retaliate, and then YOU get in trouble and labeled as “unstable”, and “violent”. Meanwhile, the bully is laughing at you from behind the teacher.
My sister did this to me and my brother as children, after she learned that she was our father’s favorite, right about age 11 or 12.
Then I learned recently from my uncle that my father resents having children because he blames us for him not being a millionaire. What a great family, huh?
Edit: I went to my parents house for Christmas a few years back. My father was far more interested in his emails than his family. I wanted to have a serious conversation about my childhood with my parents, but my father couldn’t pull himself away from his laptop, and that made me so angry because I needed him to acknowledge what I was saying. He ignored me until I snapped and yelled at him, then he acted like a victim and said he needed to pay his bills before they become late, and wouldn’t you believe I retracted and felt immediately guilty. I had a full blown meltdown in front of him due to his treatment of me as a child, and he actually made me feel like the abuser. He has that much of a hold on our minds. He also taught this tactic to my sister, who uses it as well. I hate him for it.
I experienced exactly this. My abusive partner died 6 months ago, and my daughter has just confided in me that she overheard what was clearly me hitting my partner. I lost it with him on a couple of occasions and feel so ashamed I behaved that way. He caused me to feel anger and frustration like I have never felt before. I couldn’t handle the abuse
This is so true. Never feel sorry for the abuser. It's only a game to them. You win by not playing . Quickly change there subject to bait you into there manipulative controlling world o theres.
This is daily for me, I have learned to ignore it, it's not easy but way more satisfying when I don't respond
My ex would freak out immediately if i dared to dispute her in any way even regarding minimal issues. Then tell people she was being abused. Funny she was the one screaming and saying things that were nonsensical. And the demeaning comments were non stop. It was hell. And i truly loved her so I would try to cope, but it became useless. Then she left.
This was/is my reality!! Oh my heart!! They are so demonic!! 🥲
This is the situation I am currently in with my 35yr old daughter. I have never felt so betrayed and shattered spiritually in my life. Communication has since broken down. Adding to the misery is that I don’t have a permanent income. I hate depending on anyone financially. Trusting God for a break thru!
My alcoholic uncle continually sexually harassed me when I needed a place to stay. I kept quiet about it with the family because I Justified his behavior because of the alcohol and I also needed a place to stay. I finally broke down and screamed at him and he recorded it and showed it to the family. The family has never treated me the same since
Been through it many times. They don't stop until they get a reaction and then laugh, point it out to other people, and make themselves look like the victim.
Reading all of your comments are helping me so much I have lived in terror so long I began to think this was all there was for me
This happened many times with my sister, but eventually, she did something so heinous I lost it and told her exactly what I thought of her in very explicit terms. And no, I did not feel guilty, despite her protestations and manipulations over the following days, I just reiterated what I'd said already. Finally, she gave up and sadly, we rarely speak any more because I realised she would never change... But It had taken me years to be able to give up the relationship.
You know what I call the reaction of the victim in this case? Long overdue. I know it's not the *right* thing to do, but Lord, does it feel good to unleash that latent anger and repressed rage at the deserving party. BUT it's not the right thing to do, or even the most damaging thing to do to a narcissist. Spot on as always, Jill. :)
Wow I didn’t know this was recognised. My abuser was very sadistic. I do feel sorry for him. He broke me totally. I still jump when someone walks into room if I don’t see them coming. I’m talking family here at home. 28 years after I escaped the relationship.
I just love this channel! It helps me understand all the crazy making!
My dad. I don’t even call him ”dad” anymore. I’ve gone to the first name basis with him. At least behind his back. My parents had shared custody when I was one and a half years old up until I was 21. That was 10 years ago. The last few times I was there, I took some of my things with me home to my mom. Little by little every single time. The last time I went to his place I had my best friend with me because he acts different around company. I went there a week before I was going to be there so I took him by surprise. I grabbed the last of my things and told him why I was leaving and what he had done and said to me.
”Nooo, I never said that.” He said while shaking his head and looked at the floor. Didn’t even have the decency to look me in the eyes.
At random times he would ask me if I wanted to come and shop some food with him. Take a note that that was a question, not a request. So I simply answered ”no”. His reaction was to become like a child so he started kicking doors, then he walked away and threw some stuff around the house. I was scared for my life everytime he did that because I don’t like confrontations. It scares me. One time he asked me ”why” in an angry and stern voice. I simply said ”because I don’t want to”. ”No, you are coming along with me!”
Like, did he not trust me to not burn the house down, or did he just want someone to hold his hand? To this day, I still don’t get that part. Couldn’t even communicate and tell me what he wanted or how he was feeling, but I felt that he needed to hear the word ”no”. Don’t think he has much experience with that word coming from other peoples mouths which is probably why I kept going against him.
Anyway, leaving has been the best decision i’ve made for myself. Now I can say ”no” and i’m still improving and becoming more like the person I want and need to be.
Because of a family situation, I have to meet him again. Hopefully for the last time but i’ll be more prepared now after watching a lot of narcissist videos. Maybe i’ll be able to handle him better. We’ll see.
I wonder what his reaction will be when I call him by his name.
they also keep records of the time you react so they can refer to them later as "evidence" that you are not stable.
they are creating a scenario where they can stand back and say to the audience, "see what I have to put up with..?"
Bingo!
Jill I love the intro music before your videos and I always listen to it all anticipating the new video. My mother would provoke me in front of my children, it took me years to realise what was happening, and when she started doing it, I just got my keys and drove my sons home but it was very upsetting and it messed my mind up for hours
They are very sneaky/conniving, and can be maliciously condescending as well. They mask insults, and when you react they claim "They didn't mean it that way", or "you're overreacting". Then play victim. It's sick. I stay far away from these People now. Family or not. Thank you. 🙏🏽
Excellent post in bringing reactive abuse its correct spotlight. Its one of the narc abusers most potent weapons. It is constantly utilized.
I was a victim of this for 10 years, and as the male its been so hard, because of course i was the perpetrator of abuse, I'm the guy, who would believe me. But she would wait till I was tired, or when i tried to point out something she was doing wrong, then she always seemed to know exactly what buttons to push, and the exact way to act that would set me off. By the end of my marriage she had be believing i was the narcissist, that i couldn't be trusted with my own memories, that i was delusional, and I believed it and felt guilty about what a terrible person i was, and worked to convince all the supports in my life that i was the problem. It's been 4 years now, and while I have managed to get primary care of our children, the court doesn't believe she's a danger, and is forcing me to co-parent with her, which is hell on earth...
Having the experience of being married to a narcissist, it is my opinion that they are terribly insecure people & they will use these techniques to deflect from their insufficiencies. They will also target weaker people for abuse in a ridiculous attempt to bolster their own egos. I initially believes my former spouse did these things out of boredom & would eventually mature out of this idiocy, but they never chage, they never admit they could be wrong & they don't change because they refuse to believe that they are but simple mortals!
_spot on! glory to God! i knew it! so Reactive Abuse is what its called, thank you very much for this very valuable information Jill!_
Speaking from my own experience with a narc, this video resonated with me it's a very true video to the core. Thank you for sharing your video it's educational and informative 👍🏽
I can relate with most of you here, I believe you because I went through it. My little dog was also mentally and physically abused.
💯🙏😇 that was their whole angle.
Absolutely correcteplaination of what I have been exposed to by both my EX husbands and many others. Thank you so much.
Thanks Jill!! Thank God I’m on to these evil doers. Thank God!!!
What you are saying is absolutely the truth I was strong mentally or i would not have made it thru
I wish there was a group of us where I live! I don’t have any friends because of him and I’m not from America and have no family here! Good luck to everyone ❤
I hope you find supportive people, there are most probably many people going through the same as you , but haven’t recognised it or aren’t able to do anything yet, the best thing you can do is interact with positive people join a group, they can help confirm you are not the bad one & keep you strong 🙏
Yes, how often does this happen where it is the man admitting that he losing his sanity with his on/off partner for 4 years. This Reactive Abuse is so new to me and it captures almost everything as to what is going on in my head. The gaslighting is terrible. To prove I am not making up stories, I learned to record our meet-ups just so I can recall where I messed up and ended up in an explosive fight. I can be very aggressive. I still thank God I can control myself. If you have semi histrionic-narcissist abuser it can be crazy and guild ridden. Since I do not want to react violently, I transfer my rage to guys who she plays with to mess my head up. Once I beat up a big buy in a bar with extreme rage. All settled since that was a year or two ago. Just a sample of my "trauma bond" with reactive abuse.
He definitely did this to me. Tarnished my name. He makes me want to be sick. Honestly my stomach turns when I think of those 10 years in hell. So happy to be out.
Narcissist Melford Morris did that to me, even before his flying monkeys....evil!!!!....👿👿👿
Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🙏🙏🇯🇲🫅👋💯👑🌹🤲🙏
So true. Great advice thanks much
My sister-in-law of fifty-three years is rage reactive when she doesn’t get her way or doesn’t get something she wants. She gets on FaceBook and lambasts us with profanity and lies, despite the fact that my wife and I have literally cleaned up several of her messes.
Excellent and so true.
Brilliantly said Jill ❤ thank you 🙏 you have nailed it! Narcisistic abuse is the evil’s masterpiece, it’s evil abuse on all possible fronts!
Thank you Jill and ladies
Spot on!
Thank You! Excellent Content! I appreciate your work here! Good news for the victims.
So true.... just saw the retired married old man looking in my home, stalking and copying me until I built a fortress covering my house and backyard.
he looked so so angry and enraged. .
I didn't call him STALKER or a dumb MF this time. I laughed ...