A hard pill for women to swallow
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- čas přidán 19. 06. 2024
- The risk of being used is unavoidable in modern dating.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
This is exactly why I have removed myself from that market, save my money, do all the hobbies I want and don't answer to anyone but myself. Refuse to be used as much as you possibly can and your quality of life grows! Don't settle boys!
This will never work, because there are too many men who DGAF. As long as there are guys desperate/willing to pay the price having standards only disqualifies you. Men don't collectively organize like women do. We only compete & undercut each other. It is, what it is.
True wisdom ! Respect !
Also think about the possible outcomes just for some access to a worn out body : div courts, drama, nagging, gaslightibg, child suppport, emotional abuse, ultimatums, alimont, false accusations, no fault div, etc. Stay safe !
@@johnnyd4324 I agree with all your points, minus the incel-y part about the worn out body.
@@johnnyd4324what I don’t understand is that there are many men who say this, but they still support other men who have been worn out by publicly announcing to women they are meant to be this way and that we should lower our standards and be “understanding”
All men pay. Chad and Tyrone pay with their looks and genetics. Beta Brian pays with a diamond ring. But all men pay, and Chad and Tyrone get the biggest discount.
Yup!
Chad and Tyrone also pay with their time and energy too. Remember, money=time and it’s easier to get money back, but it’s impossible to get time back.
@@Yay-hovahyes but Chad and Tyrone get real love back and not that conditional love …
@@MrHDProd Women are not capable of genuine romantic love, it’s always a ruse to get what they want. Whether it’s Chad and Tyrone’s time, attention and seed or a poor old simps resources and money. Don’t believe me? Just remove any of the things I suggested and see how long she remains faithful.
The best advice I've ever gotten for dating as a man: Since you're planning and paying for the date, make sure whatever you pick is something you'll enjoy whether a woman is there with you or not.
If she hates the date and moves on to her next free whatever, you were still the one who benefitted and you even wasted her entitled time a little bit.
If she likes the date, you had fun AND you went out with someone who might actually have potential.
Or... Just do your hobbies, work out, travel, don't waste your time and eat out when you want at the best places that you enjoy?
Good advice.
Good advice. You win either way. Its not my fault she doesn't like chicken fighting.
both pays,,, man first, then woman later
I can’t go into detail but I was 32 and had a hot 22 year old living with me and I had been providing her with something she wanted, I’m sure you can guess. I told her that I couldn’t provide it for her anymore and she said” what good are you then”
One thing that irks me about the description of this whole Dating/Marketplace dynamic.
Isn't sexual intimacy/gratification supposed to be something that both the man and the woman enjoy and benefit from, as long as they're both attracted to each other?
Why is it so often treated as something the man gets in exchange for something and the woman reluctantly gives away once her 'price' is met?
It's giving the impression that men are expected to 'pay' for something that women should be enjoying on its own merit for 'free' anyway.
That’s because if you’re looking at the averages, the average man isn’t very desirable to women in general, adding on to the fact that most men don’t have the leverage to gain experience in their younger years, making it very common for wives to voice that they don’t experience orgasms with their husbands. For men, pleasure doesn’t necessarily have to be surrounded by emotionality, and reaching orgasms are relatively quite easy for us, which is why men look like they get a “better deal” sexually in a relationship.(even though realistically many wives and gfs stop sleeping with their partners anyway). So basically: The average man will always have to pay a bigger price for their unattractiveness and their lack charm and sexual prowess.(You can’t gain experience if women don’t even wanna entertain or spend time with you)
Because men are too thirsty/desperate. If it collectively turned down a few notches there'd be more negotiating power but that's not happening.
💯
Because it's their only bargaining tool and you're mistakenly thinking that women treat all men this way. Women give it away for free right away to top tier men with no complaints but if you're less than that then they'll only see it as a bargaining chip that they're eventually forced to put on the table
Tho conclusion is imminent: women basically don't like sex as much as men do.
Watching from Athens, Greece. You’re a source of endless inspiration, dear Candace!
Odd way to put it: Trust goes both ways. 100% trust only.
Agreed. And how about we change the misogynistic word 'used,' to 'provide.' Once again, Orian only looks at the cost of a 'date,' only if the man is paying, and doesn't bother to consider the costs women pay -- as a proportion of their salary -- to prepare for dates. Perhaps if he went into a women's hair salon and asked for a cut and blow dry, and mani/pedi, he might understand what I'm talking about. Also, once married (inc domestic partnership), a man who helps pay for housing, food, clothing, schooling, etc, is not 'being used.' He's living up to the terms of the partnership agreement/marriage contract, and PROVIDING for his family, for which he should be justifiably proud if he does the job well, as should the woman if she does her job well. If you look beyond the cost of dinner, women totally get that it's a 'buyer's market,' and have ALWAYS invested more than men. That's what the fashion, beauty, cookbook, and home decorating industries are built on.
It only seems odd if you are a woman and you don't like the message. But you can feel whatever way you want; your feelings have no bearing on the facts.
@@John3v8 You are looking at it from the finish line pov. Men might ask hundreds of women to go out, go on several dozen dates just to be used for food etc. It's very expensive time, energy, money, and attention-wise.
The guy might have also spent years in the gym, and a decade building himself up financially to just be barely enough to be date-worthy.
This is what's called "hoeflation". Men have to be 5x better to get 20x worse women to date. It's a raw deal even if you "win". You'll be used and abused.
@@John3v8both sexes prepare for dates.. no one made a rule that you have to pay someone else to do your hair and toe nail polish that you can do yourself ..
@@SomaRiver ... Please walk into a women's salon and ask for the cost of a cut and blow dry. That's the absolute basics. Then compare that to the cost for men. Compare menstrual care products to the cost of razors. (BTW, menstrual products are taxed as 'luxuries.') Compare the cost of men's deodorant to women's, and don't forget to check the amount of product in each container, cuz, 'surprise, surprise' women pay more than men, for a smaller amount of deodorant. Then recall that, on average, women are still earning 70% of what a man earns. I haven't even scratched the surface.
So the answer once again is not mutual understanding, but subtle manipulation. Great job once again, Doc.
Yeah what do you think women mean when they say they won't go 50/50;on dates and won't date broke men?
Women have proven they are incapable of empathy towards men and that they WANT to be manipulated. You might be an exception to the rule. But the fact of the matter is this is a market now and all the rules of economics apply.
Lol, as if a woman lives her life through mutual understanding. That's a good one.
@@jimmyjuju "Empathy for me, not for thee"
Manipulation is a woman’s M.O. so why not men?
If a woman wants a high value guy who has a ton of options, the woman better get used to being used…
They don't see it that way, hypergamous instinct is powerful. They believe they're princesses even if the guy is leagues above them & they're for the streets. Entitlements outrageous. That's why they end up in Situationships so often.
Unless the guy wants a high value woman (his choice), but is the man still high value if he doesn’t want a high value woman?
@@SweaterCat5683What makes a woman high value to you?
@@Yay-hovah similarly to a high value man, I personally believe a high value woman is just someone who understands themselves; what they need, want and react like to certain things but still put in the work to maintain the public appearance of a person that’s “put together” - What that looks like is very subjective.
@@SweaterCat5683 Lol. Ok
This makes me want to stay single. I don’t want to use anyone or be used. I want to be with someone who genuinely enjoys me sexually. Or if I’m looking for a relationship I’d like someone who fits my personality and has banter and loves me because they know who I really am even if they can’t put it into words. This shit is just settling. Using just to find a mediocre fit that was only there for resources and gives me sex is just stupid.
Roberto, respectfully you are projecting. Dr. Taraban didn't say much or any of the things your comment mentioned. Being used doesn't mean being abused or mistreated. It means being relied on to provide the resources or attributes that we individually have. Can we try to take the negative connotation/emotion out of it and reflect on the message, instead of the vocabulary?
It's crazy how his message went over everyone's head. What he means is that a relationship is very much like an employee and employer relationship. If you want the best results and benefits from your partner, then you need to be used in order to achieve these said things. It is very much like how you're being used for your time and skills at a job to receive pay. People (women more in particular) put too much of negative connotation on the word "used" when, in reality, even our grandmothers were used for their time, skills, and love. And in exchange she received protection, provisioning, and resources. It's a transaction and an agreement where both sides win.
This sounds just like a sociopath who doesn't feel love would describe a relationship
@gaia7240 you're a fool if you think relationships are just about love. A relationship is about the responsibility you have for one another so that both parties get what they want/need. Love is just the result of a successful relationship where these responsibilities are achieved and maintained. It's called structure. Learn it or continue to go from one relationship to another until you figure it out. Much luck to you.
@@technoalex8786 yeah but if your need is sex you will never develop love, that is the point
@@gaia7240😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 Your naivety is charming and adorable.
@@Yay-hovah yeah you are right men don't want love, just sex, stupid me
I agree with basically all of Dr. Orion's opinions EXCEPT the sexual ones.
I get it, women shouldn't withhold bedroom fun if they didn't when they were younger. But, I don't think he actually makes it clear that it doesn't apply to non-promiscuous women. I think he wants ALL women to have bedroom fun with men before marriage.
Maybe that explains why he isn't married (and most likely will die alone).
The point is you can't withhold bedroom fun forever with someone that you perceive to have high value. The longer you wait out, the more likely that man is to move on.
@@Stassis Nope, you can do it until marriage.
@@ShadowbannedAccountonly if youre a virgin, and only so long as youre seen as providing value great enough to overcome the man's desire for immediate sex. Most modern woman fail both spectacularly
My ex withheld sex for me but not the seven other guys. If she was a virgin I would've married her.
@@ShadowbannedAccount ... Old school worked for my parents generation, and those before!
If you are atleast somewhat decent looking and you have a normal personality, the right guy will wait for you, women dont have to give it up and be used ever. Secure women know this. And no woman should USE a guy for his $ either.
Go on a quick coffee date first to see if its even worth it to have a dinner date
💯🙌🏻💕
Grandmother's advice to her granddaughter: "You can tempt and tease the boys as much as you want, but if you never let them eat, they are going to move on to a girl that will."
Just a few decades ago, using the word “sex” and the “money” was very frowned upon. Prostitution was considered extremely unethical. Its illegality wasn’t even a debate. Gold digging was considered the worst of the women or men. Nowadays it has become the norm. People even started to call prostitution as “sex work” which is truly tragicomic. Marriage was a thing all about love and starting a family. People were thinking that “how can you start a loving family without loving your husband or wife?”. Nowadays marriage is all about money. Certainly not about love, and most of the times not even about starting a family. Most married couples just don’t make children at all and divorce as soon as they get bored or one of them achieves her/his goal(mainly gold digging). Why the hell would a man marry in this world? Why? There’s already cheap sex out there in the streets. And women don’t offer you anything other than sex.
Men don't even offer that
@@gaia7240 they most certainly do, but women have higher standards when it comes down to sexual gratification. Men find roughly 20% of women sexually attractive, while women only find 8% of men sexually attractive. Admittedly, both are pretty low numbers, but this is a calculation done on the whole population, so it includes elders, obese, and everything in between. Some men certainly offer sex for some women. Especially when they start to get old, women understand that they are loosing time and start to search for sexual gratification more frequently, which is also true for men as well. That’s why we see old men looking for young girls and old women looking for fit looking, tall men. Of course they want a romantic relationship first and foremostly(unless they’re really old). But they surely prefer a sexy guy if they can have one. I understand that some women never get to have sex with a sexy guy in their lives and some women just don’t even find men attractive in the first place, but they also just want to conform to the sexual standards of the society, to have a family, and have a betterment in their financial experiences. But those are maybe account for 10% of the female population. The vast majority of women still get sexual gratification as a deal in a marriage. So yeah, the only thing women seem to give(but not always, because men also don’t/can’t always marry the women they find attractive) in a marriage, they also get it back. But men also provide protection and financial gain for sure. Modern women don’t even want children or want to take care of their husbands. They are not the family starters their like mothers used be. Most of them don’t even know how to cook. In today’s world men cook better than women.
I didn’t know men were out there being used. Are guys like counting the actual date? Isn’t that called courtship?😂… part of getting to know someone through spending time together? Or are guys counting the drinks they buy for girls hoping to get noticed? I mean nothing is guaranteed when guys put themselves out there like this and this should not count as being “used” because it’s elective. Maybe some clarity on how women are actually using guys would help me understand where the fuss is.
He did use an odd way of verbalized the sentiment, but he's basically saying that men and women generally provide different relationship benefits, although there's of course a lot of overlap.
@@mudblood9699 I definitely get that part. Mutually beneficial relationships are what hold a relationship together. If “both” people aren’t putting in effort it’s not really a real relationship. I thought the context of this ‘women need to be used’ episode was mainly about how women need to put out to access the opportunity of the long term commitment? No? Like.. How since men have been forever “used” … it’s your turn now betches! He didn’t say it exactly like this but one could kinda take it there. He’s already analyzed the dynamics and sees that this is the new power card men have over women. This is leverage. This is where the shift is for guys and technically he is right. Since women are not keeping their leg’s together men don’t have to wait for commitment to access the most prized thing men have always been after.
I personally couldn’t go out with a guy who felt this way. I wouldn’t entertain it. But there are plenty of women who don’t see any problem with this. Guys can usually tell who these women are ahead of time, that should help save them some time and energy. Go for low fruit.
@@BeautiHacks I live in northern California, and the impression that I get is that most women in the west put out in the first few dates when they have genuine desire for a guy, thanks to the normalization of promiscuity. And men know that, so naturally most men with many options won't wait for extensive periods when dating a gal, especially because of the knowledge that there's a good chance the gal in question has gone all the way with a guy pretty quickly in the past.
@@mudblood9699 I get that angle too, and If I were a guy I’d probably have the same expectations under these circumstances. It would suck if I had some standards for my potential though. Guys don’t want traditional women anymore. Some men still value a good thing, not just a good time. But I sure wouldn’t expect this from anyone in California. In a world where everything is instant, guys don’t have patience for anything else.
@@BeautiHacks @BeautiHacks Men generally do still want traditional women, it's just that they've become increasingly rare since the sexual "revolution". In this age where sex often precedes commitment, men seeking commitment view having sex early on in dating as evidence that a gal has genuine desire for them. Relationships lacking a healthy level of attraction are undesirable. Unfortunately, such relationships are increasingly common because of normalized promiscuity and women chasing men who are out of their league.
There it is the use gap!!! Make sure to even up the gap boys and make sure to use as much as you are getting used.
Why are you encouraging boys to play victim?
Women are getting tired of filling the masculinity gap.
I had several partners who were throwing money at me... but no real sharing, you know? i was showing some gratitude, they were like, "Oh, don't bother, i was doing it for myself, nor for you!" How do you think this is not about being used here too...? Paying doesn't mean you are generous with your heart, nor that you are emotionally available. It just means that you can afford spending money. Sharing intimacy is something else. Money naturally becomes a part of it on both sides when the relationship is fluid. Some men spend money on women, and then it's their way to "buy freedom" lol "Oh, i paid, so i owe you nothing. Give me a break." Lol that's not very healthy, in my opinion...
Those men, like many, have become jaded by women who have used them and moved on without a care when they were in their Simp phase. I don’t imagine you would know or understand what it is like to invest in a woman emotionally and financially only to get dumped for a bigger better deal like you never mattered. It’s dehumanizing af, but then you evolve and adapt to the new paradigm by avoiding your useless emotions and getting what you desire out of it; and you learn to be as heartless as the woman who left you for the bigger better deal. It’s akin to becoming a vampire. Once bitten, you become a vampire too.
@Yay-hovah no, I understand. I get that it can be a traumatizing experience. I have compassion for those men. In fact, I wish them to find peace with that dehumanizing experience and the way they absorbed it. I wish them to be able to allow themselves to feel these difficult emotions, and realize that not all women are ungrateful and co-dependent. Those men were courageous and good willing, let's hope they find peace in now being free, or accepting to come back in a relationship with an open heart... because this world really needs courageous and loving men. I get that it's tempting to generalize and extend the judgment to all human beings, but feeling those uncomfortable feelings is the way. It can feel like death because it's so painful... but you won't die. Believe me. You will heal. You can say you will become a vampire, but cursed with the knowledge of your own depth :) and wise enough to recognize what's toxic for you.
In an everyday relationship between a business and customers, the customer decided which product or service they want to get and the business simply supply those. But in the relationship between men and women, women simply refuse to listen to what kind of services do their male customers want.
I don't understand. Why is it a buyers market?
Because humans are social creatures
If you don't sell, the buyers will have nothing to buy.
@theezenriarinze9203 How does that answer the question?
I'm assuming it's a buyers market means it's men who have the stronger hand?
I just don't see it like that. The SMP is driven by the most thirsty sex...men. it's a seller's market. Am I missing something?
@@ChrisLee-yr7tz Men are the prize?
@sidb596 men may well be the price but most don't act like that. They put men as a whole at a market disadvantage and treat women like they are the prize. That's why we're in the mess we are.
The cheat code is find someone who immediately finds you highly physically attractive and these are your viable dating options. This is the only way to get the hefty discount
Thank you for confirming that initial attraction for women has nothing to do with an individual’s personality. Physical attractiveness is always a prerequisite for any romantic relationship.
Get use to be used women
Go and use your mother.
I rent by the hour. Works great for me and for her.
Before those in denial, go to the comments and say he's wrong please explain to me why we have more and more women saying things like they won't go 50-50 on dates much less in a relationship or that broke man shouldn't be dating if women don't see relationships as vehicles to use men???
Most women know that men will ask women out and not expect women to ask them out. Because of that, women see men asking out a woman as an act of asking for a chance to show their own worthiness for a long-term relationship with that woman, so women treat it as such.
Wealth is a sign of a smart-working man (+1 husband point), paying for a woman’s meal is a sign of ability and willingness to provide (+1 husband point).
Not everyone has to date this way though; There’s someone for everyone. I typically like to pay for my own meals because I was raised to be independent and I love the thought of being able to provide for someone I love without anything other than having them by my side and loving me as I am in return.
@@SweaterCat5683 Wealth isn't a sign of such and neither is paying for date as both have no correlation to actual character and values. I noticed only women who've never really experienced being raised by a man or in the presence of a man of high character take this more lackadaisical take and trade to status or if he pays for my meal.
Because they don't know what makes a man of good character they settle for identifying with artificial selectors.
And your 1st paragraph highlights the problem there's no point in that explanation do women do anything to show their worthiness or capabilities to maintain a healthy relationship. In fact notice how in your explanation you there's nothing expected of women to do except show up. This mentality created the entitlement and superiority complexes that many women have today surrounding dating and marriage.
@@theezenriarinze9203 I said wealth and paying for a date are signs, as in, signs of potential and not a confirmation - A person willing to manipulate others for their own selfish benefit do the same things as a person of good character and values.
I’m sure most women know this and would want to keep dating a man who does those things to investigate and confirm his true intentions - If his intentions were bad a woman can leave with karma already having done it’s thing making the man spend money on nothing. If his intentions are good he’s got his future wife who’ll repay everything he spent (so long as he chose a good woman who’s prepared to provide when it’s her turn).
I also want to add that during the “investigation”, the man can also investigate the woman to find out if she’ll provide what he needs.
I don’t know 100% what those needs are since I’m not a man, but men should be able to make the right judgement too for their needs to be met.
@@SweaterCat5683 Yeah y'all seem to never know what's required of women but can list the expectations of men like it's a recipe.
Yea no thanks.
Not anymore!
Then I'll stay an incel lol. I'd rather not be used. 😊
he is giving advice for women
audience - men
Bro I've asked you several times now to speak on the topic on how marriage does not benefit a man. Come on, dude. I'm a loyal viewer here, and I know you read the comments.
That should be painfully obvious unless you have your head in the sand...
Marriage benefits a man if he desires children - with relative assurance those children are his. Otherwise, the ROI for a man is almost zero regarding marriage. All cost, little reward.
@@jimmyjuju You do realize you don’t have to marry women to have kids, right?
Interesting..
In general, men are not paying, when they are married. 📖💡
They are just basically doing what God made them to do. To provide, love & protect.
And the women are made to reciprocate, by being the husbands helpmate. 🕊💪💞
And from doing life together God's Way, both men & women WIN. 📖💪💞👨👩👦👦🎉🎊🎈🎁🪅🏆A Trophy Life Together.🕊
😂Men pay the MOST when married. The real kicker is they keep paying after the woman divorces them. The state makes him keep paying her for nothing.
If only you knew the power of the darkside, guys. Women live in their feelings and think they're all that. Those same feelings can be 'used', and that's a fact. 😈
I read this in Darth Vader’s voice.
😮😮😮😮😮🎉🎉🎉🎉
It's a buyers market but the sellers get judged for being used goods... Make it make sense 😅
It makes perfect sense. It’s like buying a car. Do you want to pay $50,000 for the used rental car, or the same for a brand new car with zero miles on the odometer?
@@Yay-hovah We. Are. Not. Cars. We are human beings. Little pieces of the god force I'm guessing by your name, you would get that. Men are not women but guess what ... Only men believe women think a high body count makes you more desirable because of "experience" ... It's called "community peen" ... Women may actually desire exclusivity more than men or have you not noticed how we flip out over cheating even if "she meant nothing"
Oh, come on. As a woman if I weren’t useful, willing to give service, I wouldn’t survive. Perhaps perfect young glamorous women can afford to be “useless” but women’s socialization is grounded in serving others. And the rest of us are negotiating how much and how freely to give all the time.
Why are you talking like a predator? "access women sexual opportunities" "sexual marketplace" who talks like that😂
How in any way are those words related to being predatory? Do you often go around calling men bad things for no reason whatsoever? No wonder men leave the dating market if all they do and say will be perceived as something negative.
@@SlothGuru you think that talking like that is normal?
@@gaia7240 they are predators. They don't like being questioned and will act all innocent, but for them, the means to the end don't matter, as long as they get what they desire, no matter the ethics or effects on others. I been around young people, you wouldn't believe how far they would lie, and how much they can underestimate you when you seem 'available' by.. being warm and smiling, they think you are easy lay for bedroom while planning to change cities. It's easy when you lack a conscious, or perceive you deserve 'pleasure' and 'happiness' above every other party involved. If you call them out, they leave like cowards or they try to appeal to your good heart and sympathy. Idiots. And it's not like the guy above says, some of us give all the chances for people to show themselves, and we start out by default believing in their goodness. Let them do what they want and watch, but never jump and never do anything that will leave you feeling cheapened. They always think you are just a 'dumb *itch' who will give in .I been told some ludicrous lies like some pretend they are spiritual or see the future or read minds. Just go along a little see all their bs. This guy holding this channel making views is doing a crime not telling the whole story, he is just appealing to men, and the men watching him strengthen their biases and justifications to use women, they will never be able to have a genuine relationship with one at this rate and wasting their youth. Youth is for living with grace and good intentions.. while you still have health.. and it would prolong health as well.... because of this sick culture, we are growing sick and alone, thinking all our worth and life must revolve around status and wealth acquiring, while the spirit grows tired and sick when one is lying to themselves and others. Some of them will never realise this. They are in 'exploration' phase til the end. They think nothing is ever enough, more indulgence, more pleasure, more experiences, more people, gluttony devouring experiences and people. Indignated children.
@@gaia7240It is when you are familiar with red-pilled content. It speeds the conversation along. What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained in more detail.
No sex before marriage, nuff said!
( Our maker made us this way, read the instruction manual. )
Or you shake your primitive instinct and go about it civilized. Of course, this is why I'm sibgle. Just saying... a woman who does this gets the chance
An epitome of how to make appear "what interests men" as a law - absolutely false. Women risk their physical and phycological health when they freely share their bodies, they can't ignore their vulnerability, their disgust, the objectification, the risk for violence and abuse, the humiliation, they loose their highly valued purity, this is why all men HAVE to pay to get access.
Also the description as a market diminishes and cheapens the reality of the interaction that concerns to our most important needs, aspirations and dreams.
According to my experience, it is very common a man to accept for years a woman's love and every day care, only to marry a new one who just entered his life because this is the only reason to delay marriage - waiting for someone better to appear.
Never date a guy who say "pay to access you" referring to a date
Women give their body for free and freely quite often in the West. Not sure what you’re getting at with that word salad you made.
Metaphorically speaking, women pay a much higher price for sex. Sexual revolution was horrible for women, subjected them to men's animalistic demands.