Whenever I feel like an alien, I just have to listen to Dr. Tony and feel immediately better. He seems like a very kind and funny person. I wish I had someone like him in my life to talk to.
Wow. I'm 63 and just figuring out that I'm an Aspie. All my wierdnesses and meltdowns at last understood! I have an autistic daughter, and had considered myself well-informed, but since the covid lockdown I've caught up on the recent information about Aspie girls and women, thanks to Internet videos like this one. An eurika moment that has taken me the whole lockdown period to digest: to review my life through an "I have ASD" lense. The puzzle pieces fit now. And, as you said Dr. Tony, it does get easier with age. I've developed strategy after strategy to cope that really work. Thank you for your videos.
The perfectionism and PTSD discussions really hit home. Now I understand why I'm stuck in the PTSD - I just can't understand WHY that person acted that way. I cannot justify it, thus it never makes sense and I cannot just accept it.
I've just got diagnosed with asd last week ...and it's because of dr Atwood's when i saw his video about autism in girls..i new i had to persue my goal to find a diagnosis at 39 yrs thank you dr Atwood 🥰
Wow. This is very helpful. I really felt understood in this interview. You have a way of explaining things that makes it easy to understand. I was diagnosed a year ago with asd. I have had help from professionals but have struggled to understand myself. This video has helped me a lot. I'm 41 and have entered the working world last year and it was catastrophic but at least I found out that I have asd and add. I now only work 4 hours a week with disabilty pay also. I am moving to another town and I will either go to school or go to work there. I want to do something that is interesting yet I don't want to do too much and crash and burn again. It's scary when you don't understand your limitations completely. I was thinking of trying reparing electronic devices at school yet I am afraid because I tried small motor mechanics and once on the job it was too overwhelming. I love your list of what drains me and what gives me energy. Maybe I could use a list like that to evaluate if this is wise. I want more in my life , I just don't want to burn out. When I burned out it affected my body and made me sick. I don't want to go back there. I am traumatized by that experience. Yet I want to thrive. A conundrum I guess this is.
11:15 Wow, this might as well have been me. The more I hear and read about autism these days, the more incredulous I am that I ever doubted I had this brain configuration. And yet, I still frequently get convinced that I'm not really any sort of neurodivergent, that I'm just making it up, faking it, that it's an excuse, that I'm just lazy and seeking justification for it. Believing for most of your life that you're something you're not, and really, really bad at everything, does a lot of lasting damage.
I am worried about aging. I'm 54, diagnosed at 39 (it wasn't a surprise, because at 14, I found a book about a non verbal autistic girl, written by her father, and it was quite a chock to discover that I feel more alike her then anyone I knew). I wanted to become psychologist at 10, to understand how people and the world fonctionned. I worked 23 years, but, I had more and more burn out, a serious depression when I needed a long hospitalition. But I tried and tried, masked and masked, even after the diagnostic, and my sens of humor : 'it' s just the little autistic part of me'. I stopped to work at 47. When I was diagnosed with a common comorbidity EDS, which made impossible for me to continue my volunteering in an animal shelter. I am single, little family and friends. They all have their life. I have 3 cats, without them I wouldn't be here anymore. After this long introduction, I see a deterioration for a few years. I have a lot of meltdowns and shutdowns, with dissociation, I stim a lot, all the social or communication skills I had achieved are gone, and I struggle hardly but in vain against executive disfunction. I need to be alone most of the time but I become to feel really lonely (I don't have any social media account, it's too difficult to manage) Am I regressing, what happens when an aspies gets 'mature' and 'aging'? I can't find any kind of information on that topic. Can you help me? Can someone help me? Are there people who can share books, in French or English? Thank you Dr T., your work is very helpful.
I am so frustrated in how we are represented by Autism Speaks, tv shows that make us seem like emotional robots, unable to make eye contact, and have physical ticks that are overly exaggerated. My daughter has always walked on her tip toes and food texture sensitivity and I can't stand my food touching or loud noise but we don't drool in a cup. I have given up on friendship and struggle with loneliness A Lot but no amount of therapy makes a difference and have just started running away from people. Did EMDR and dealt with family sexual abuse and neglect but can't get past fear of rejection of people in general. Jr. High and High School were so traumatic in the area of friends, I just can't seem to trust women at all. I was pretty so the popular group would take me in only to be kicked out over and over for not silently standing by watching mean girls bully other girls over things that where so meaningless or some girl would hate me over a boy I didn't even like or notice. Girls are just so awful and many teenage mean girls are still mean adults as you can witness it on any social media platform. Can't wait for this to all be over someday.
Yay, I don’t know who made the cross-culture question, but that has been on my mind. I’m Latina, and the expectations of my behavior were much different from the Anglo Saxon friends. Thanks, guys for answering this question
As for the cultural question, here's something else I've noticed. I'm Anglo-European with a trace of West Indian, but once I started learning Japanese and visited Japan, I found myself very much at home in Asian cultures even though attitudes towards autism in some of those countries are different but are slowly changing. I remember, when I was a teenager being attracted to Asian girls because of the high academic expectations in many Asian families.
These videos are brilliant. I have been binge watching them like a box set and benefitting a great deal from the advice. After a period of depression and loss of identity following the realisation that I am on the spectrum, it's all starting to make sense now and I feel more comfortable with who I am.
Thank you so much for doing videos because I don't have insurance and can’t go to get help and I struggle with depression so much. It helps to listen to Tony because I feel like he is the only person who understands my autism.
I don't have the greatest self esteem but I still learned some common signs of an abusive person. The main one is that they do not respect your boundaries.
If it could be as clear: one of the symptoms of ASD is the blindness for personal space and boys men are communicating in an intrusiv, abusiv way. I recognize this trait in myself as well as in my father and we are both generous good persons ... we are
@@edwigcarol4888 It is a warning sign. It is not foolproof. Most non-abusive autistic people will try to change their behavior if you tell them they are intruding on your personal space. Abusive people won't. They keep trying to get around your boundaries.
I was watching this with tears. I don't know how to pick myself up anymore, life just became so difficult. I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life, I was born in a poor family, my dad never really care about me, only my mom dose, but she had and still have no idea who I really am. There is no family support at all, my other family members absolutely hate me. I was and have always been the black sheep in the family, I never wanted to socialise like the others, never care about the" face value", never wanted to please anyone for the seek of relationships mantaines( it's very important in Chinese culture to always think of others and being in a group) we had no money, which means low quality education back in China. I couldn't finish my study. Then after getting married, my partner kept cheating on me, he said Im too selfish and cold nature. He call me names, bullied me a lot. But I was too much of a coward to leave him, I was also worrying that I'll lose the only support I had in life. Finally, my son was born, I had to quite school again because of him. My husband again criticised me for not being able to do everything like the others (manage family work study all at the same time), he called me lazy and useless. Anyway, 5 years after my son was born, he got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, that was when I found out the truth of myself, why I struggled my whole life. So right now I'm a woman in my 30s with no job, no money, both husband and my child are painful to live with. I also have bad isomina, I feel totured both physically and mentally most of the days. Just to manage every day life is a challenge and brings out a lot of the anxiety. I don't know what I have in life anymore. I've been having suicide thoughts a lot these days. I don't know how to find the light in life, I cannot see anything positive anymore, help!
I'm so sorry you're in such a situation Vivian. Do you have any friends outside of your family? Are there any autism associations you could contact and set up at least social events for you and your child? There is a world out there for you... outside your home. You need to get yourself into a more helpful, understanding environment. Clearly where you are is depressing you.
@@autismhangout Thanks a lot, I have been reaching out for quite a while, joined a couple of groups, but the places for meet ups were usually quite far from me, with bad sleep, I wasn't comfortable to drive for that long, plus I just got my licence ( p plate), I live in Brisbane, the public transportations are nearly none existing around where I live, Anyway, I'm not sure what to do, I hope to get a job but I don't know if I can handle the stress of it, especially when I don't sleep enough every night.
@@viviankang Please join some online women-only groups on FB. There you will find others like you to talk to, others who understand you. My favourite group is Aspergers & Autism Safe Room: A Safe Haven For Women On The Spectrum
Oh my God! The mistakes one! I am very good at spotting errors in the dates on food at my job, and usually perfect at picking out all the old dates that need to be pulled. But sometimes someone finds one I missed and it feels TERRIBLE. no one else ever feels as bad as me when They miss dates (and they miss MANY!!!) But it makes me feel inadequate, a failure.
thank you as always, it´s making us / me feel understood, the new thing now is, people dont want to get informed, and tell you : no you are totally normal, you got nothing dahhhhh! thank you !
Thanks for this. I was interested in the last question on ageing. I'm a retired GP and was diagnosed recently in my late 60's. Would you be able to post details of the research paper once it is published please? I also have some friends of a similar age who would be interested. Thanks a lot. I am a subscriber to your channel.
Challenges throughout your life - masking - false identity to cope - YES!! Could you talk about Invalidation Trauma, resulting PTSD that manifest differently in Autistics? #AutismAndPTSD #InvalidationTrauma PTSD in Autism may be way more common than the Neurotypical population. We may experience SADNESS and UNWORTHINESS that lead to isolating protective measures. Judith Herman discussed the “state of chronic humiliation” of feeling unaccepted, how shame can be a “physiologically stressful experience,” and the “role of shame in the development of traumatic disorders” People need to be more careful how they treat us Aspies. They claim to love us, but then they constantly remind us how much of a failure we are. When we try so hard to do it right. We are just wired this way, we feel we are aliens, never ever fitting in.. The leading cause of death for autistic: We heard too many times how much of a failure we are, and we just can't take it anymore, and we start believing things don't ever get better. The battle seems just bigger than us, overwhelming, we are at the end of our rope. We need people that are IN OUR CAMP, that celebrate our neurodiversitiy instead of mocking, shame, belittle, demean, bully or criticize us.. "It is our behavior, communication, and quality of presence that brings the most poignant stigma. We are judged, dismissed, marginalized, rejected, and stereotyped because our actions do not conform to conventional standards and our social value is dim. diminished accordingly. Trauma can make the challenges of autisticy worse and cause great emotional suffering, yet it may be the most neglected variable of all." - GORDON GATES People with more autistic traits display a specific form of PTSD, one characterized by hyperarousal: They may be more easily startled, more likely to have insomnia, predisposed to anger and anxiety, or have greater difficulty concentrating than is seen in other forms of PTSD. Recognizing this subtype could be particularly helpful for spotting and preventing it, and for developing treatments, Horesh says, especially because the same traits might otherwise be mistakenly attributed to autism and overlooked. It is still difficult to tease apart correlation from causation. In other words, does autism predispose someone to post-traumatic stress, or are people with autism more vulnerable to experiencing traumatic events? Or both? Scientists simply don’t know the answers yet - although some studies do indicate that autistic children are more reactive to stressful events and, because they lack the coping skills that help them calm down, perhaps predisposed to PTSD. “The way traumatic stress expresses itself in people on the spectrum may be different.” www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/intersection-autism-trauma/
The disappointing thing is that if my autism means I'll cope best with part-time work (which seems to be true for me), but it doesn't give me enough money..... Then what?
I call it a sensayuma. It’s vital in living a good life. As to others not liking me being my fault: one thing I learned from reading Ayn Rand was that I like myself enough to not judge myself negatively if others don’t like me; au contraire, I judge THEM negatively for not being capable of or willing to appreciate me for the wonderful, unique person that is me. I don’t respect NT thought too much. I am also a sapiosexual.
35:00 Exactly! why me... I was the nicest guy in my friend group. I did not bitch at anymore and treated everyone with respect. Till today I still don't know why my friends at that time picked on and made fun of me all the time. I had to transfer to another University to escape that intoxicating environment. I am in my 30 now. I still cry whenever I think about those difficult time.
38:52 I had experience of 20's and early 30's addicted to pornography. It was worrying like he said. Because like a lot of Aspie at the time I their 20's I was sex addict virgin. I lost my virginity now. There could men with autism who will die a Virgin and have no interpersonal understanding of communication with women and relationship in the real world. So like Attwood say it is worry men with autism who not learnt as I would say communication with women and knowledge or how relationships work. Pornography is not a documentary on how relationships work.
This is insightful (Re. Intimacy) .Many years ago I cheated on an ex repeatedly, and never felt guilt or remorse. I also got away with it because of my poker face. The problem here is that I ended up with an NPD diagnosis as a result of my behaviour (but I don't think I am NPD). I've sent a question actually, as the former diagnosis is getting in the way of me getting an ASD diagnosis. Contrarily, however, most people do think of me as kind, empathic and honest -- I'm not standard issue, I'm a contradiction and an exception, and in this case I was 100% exploring my sensory pleasures and sexuality, and that was my special interest. I'm not saying what I did was right, I'm not in that place anymore and I paid the price for it -- but this was me, my story 100%!
36:00 happy you mention it I began to read the Porges's book "polyvagal theory", before i even came to identify my set of issues as Asperger (autism plus in fact) And i recognize at once that Porges was describing my biology. "The autonomic nervous system as the system ensuring homeostasis, attentional focus, emotional regulation as well as a "social system" through the cranial nerves: prosody, facial expression, and the most fascinating: CN VII tuning of the ears to select frequency, filter the sounds... But there is more than that. Clumsiness and impulsivity? Which biology here?
Great questions on PTSD with or without ASD... i can tease out by myself trauma from Asperger I regret a bit this polarisation between ASD and NTs among the so called NTs the bullyers here, there are surely offenders like Narcissist and the other very problematic group of Conduct disorders, Antisocial Personalities, further more false personae following a group leader (weak sense of self) and the fakers, with no authentic self.. Real NTs with their high social and empathy skills are surely very respectful persons, from whom i would like to ask for some support - but of course they cannot be interested. Different life styles....
Is there a reason OCD and ADHD is listed as OCD and ADHS? Is this a new abbreviation or a typo? I really enjoyed the videos and all the aspects covered. Thank you.
Can therapy to address PTSD for an autistic person be effective if the “trauma” is ongoing? And if that “trauma” is unlikely to stop anytime in the near future?
Pas necessaire en fait. Avoir cet idee en tête suffit. Mon therapeute disait simplement: tenir en compte le besoin de repos. Ceci dit je crois que pour nous il est essentiel de reconnaitre pour soi que nos efforts et nos repos sont de tres differente nature que ceux des NTs: savoir pour nous que la vie sociale peut etre epuisante alors que les autres s'amusent. Et que la solitude peut etre delicieuse pour nous, ce qui deprime les NTs
Is it possible to be on the ASD spectrum if the DSM criteria A for ASD is minimal but the criteria for B is definitely met, or is that another diagnosis?
Hate to state the obvious but the mask might be much more attractive than than the standard Aspie. This also happens with other types of roles and social rules. People who are not ASD also experience this with friends. This is reality. NTs people experience this all the time. It is part of society. Of course this is more painful when you are hungry for approval.
I would like to know about the burn out in a job, I like my job and it is very accepting of me however the working 5 days I just too much even withaccounting. What do I do in this situation where I don't want to leave
its not called narcissism when you're self obsessed, thats called autism. Aut means; "self", in greek. dont misrepresent an already fragile community, thank you.
The best culture is those with autism. That why I watch autism videos. And read all the comments. I feel like my coronavirus anxiety is up. But I'm being encourage taking off the mask by the scientist working for the government. Stay in, keep your distancing no mass gathering. The public not being ask to act like Nero typicial which helps me that I been less tired mentally and happier I just be at home and be my ASD selfs at home. Autistic people or persons with autism as Attwood says. can not go out not just the lock down demand. But the cross over with OCD why go out side when their is a evil virus which could kill me. I know there is lots of type of OCD. And contamination is a stereotype of OCD. Washing hands 3 times, not touching door handles, the bin lid for germs. The NHS and government advice since January has heighten the non copying techniques to help with OCD. By content advise to keep washing hands and anxiety. I think Attwood should talk more of commobility of ASD and OCD.
Whenever I feel like an alien, I just have to listen to Dr. Tony and feel immediately better. He seems like a very kind and funny person. I wish I had someone like him in my life to talk to.
Me too.
Same here. From the "help" I have received so far in my area, sometimes if feels like Dr. Tony is the only one who understands.
Same here. I wish there were people in my life that were this supportive
Me, too! I drive to work for an hour and usually listen Dr. Tony.... to me it feels like I am listening a meditation!
Everything Professor Tony Attwood says about autism really strikes a chord with me.
Fortunately we have videos like this on the Internet. Excellent interview and information! 👈
Blessed to have you, Dr. Tony
Amen to that!!
Wow. I'm 63 and just figuring out that I'm an Aspie. All my wierdnesses and meltdowns at last understood! I have an autistic daughter, and had considered myself well-informed, but since the covid lockdown I've caught up on the recent information about Aspie girls and women, thanks to Internet videos like this one. An eurika moment that has taken me the whole lockdown period to digest: to review my life through an "I have ASD" lense. The puzzle pieces fit now. And, as you said Dr. Tony, it does get easier with age. I've developed strategy after strategy to cope that really work. Thank you for your videos.
The perfectionism and PTSD discussions really hit home. Now I understand why I'm stuck in the PTSD - I just can't understand WHY that person acted that way. I cannot justify it, thus it never makes sense and I cannot just accept it.
I've just got diagnosed with asd last week ...and it's because of dr Atwood's when i saw his video about autism in girls..i new i had to persue my goal to find a diagnosis at 39 yrs thank you dr Atwood 🥰
Wow. This is very helpful. I really felt understood in this interview. You have a way of explaining things that makes it easy to understand. I was diagnosed a year ago with asd. I have had help from professionals but have struggled to understand myself. This video has helped me a lot. I'm 41 and have entered the working world last year and it was catastrophic but at least I found out that I have asd and add. I now only work 4 hours a week with disabilty pay also. I am moving to another town and I will either go to school or go to work there. I want to do something that is interesting yet I don't want to do too much and crash and burn again. It's scary when you don't understand your limitations completely. I was thinking of trying reparing electronic devices at school yet I am afraid because I tried small motor mechanics and once on the job it was too overwhelming. I love your list of what drains me and what gives me energy. Maybe I could use a list like that to evaluate if this is wise. I want more in my life , I just don't want to burn out. When I burned out it affected my body and made me sick. I don't want to go back there. I am traumatized by that experience. Yet I want to thrive. A conundrum I guess this is.
Thanks Craig and Tony. This was a great episode. Also thanks to Bettina for her PHD research on ageing aspies: it'll happen to us all eventually!
11:15 Wow, this might as well have been me. The more I hear and read about autism these days, the more incredulous I am that I ever doubted I had this brain configuration. And yet, I still frequently get convinced that I'm not really any sort of neurodivergent, that I'm just making it up, faking it, that it's an excuse, that I'm just lazy and seeking justification for it.
Believing for most of your life that you're something you're not, and really, really bad at everything, does a lot of lasting damage.
It doesn't matter, if you don't deserve abuse, it still happens. All the therapies are like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.
I am worried about aging. I'm 54, diagnosed at 39 (it wasn't a surprise, because at 14, I found a book about a non verbal autistic girl, written by her father, and it was quite a chock to discover that I feel more alike her then anyone I knew). I wanted to become psychologist at 10, to understand how people and the world fonctionned. I worked 23 years, but, I had more and more burn out, a serious depression when I needed a long hospitalition. But I tried and tried, masked and masked, even after the diagnostic, and my sens of humor : 'it' s just the little autistic part of me'.
I stopped to work at 47. When I was diagnosed with a common comorbidity EDS, which made impossible for me to continue my volunteering in an animal shelter.
I am single, little family and friends. They all have their life. I have 3 cats, without them I wouldn't be here anymore.
After this long introduction, I see a deterioration for a few years. I have a lot of meltdowns and shutdowns, with dissociation, I stim a lot, all the social or communication skills I had achieved are gone, and I struggle hardly but in vain against executive disfunction. I need to be alone most of the time but I become to feel really lonely (I don't have any social media account, it's too difficult to manage) Am I regressing, what happens when an aspies gets 'mature' and 'aging'? I can't find any kind of information on that topic.
Can you help me? Can someone help me? Are there people who can share books, in French or English?
Thank you Dr T., your work is very helpful.
Yes I always look forward to these videos. I’m so glad you have kept doing them!
I am so frustrated in how we are represented by Autism Speaks, tv shows that make us seem like emotional robots, unable to make eye contact, and have physical ticks that are overly exaggerated. My daughter has always walked on her tip toes and food texture sensitivity and I can't stand my food touching or loud noise but we don't drool in a cup. I have given up on friendship and struggle with loneliness A Lot but no amount of therapy makes a difference and have just started running away from people. Did EMDR and dealt with family sexual abuse and neglect but can't get past fear of rejection of people in general. Jr. High and High School were so traumatic in the area of friends, I just can't seem to trust women at all. I was pretty so the popular group would take me in only to be kicked out over and over for not silently standing by watching mean girls bully other girls over things that where so meaningless or some girl would hate me over a boy I didn't even like or notice. Girls are just so awful and many teenage mean girls are still mean adults as you can witness it on any social media platform. Can't wait for this to all be over someday.
Yay, I don’t know who made the cross-culture question, but that has been on my mind. I’m Latina, and the expectations of my behavior were much different from the Anglo Saxon friends. Thanks, guys for answering this question
As for the cultural question, here's something else I've noticed. I'm Anglo-European with a trace of West Indian, but once I started learning Japanese and visited Japan, I found myself very much at home in Asian cultures even though attitudes towards autism in some of those countries are different but are slowly changing. I remember, when I was a teenager being attracted to Asian girls because of the high academic expectations in many Asian families.
You rock Dr T. 😎😘 My special interests are geology and rock collecting
🔮💎🔨
These videos are brilliant. I have been binge watching them like a box set and benefitting a great deal from the advice. After a period of depression and loss of identity following the realisation that I am on the spectrum, it's all starting to make sense now and I feel more comfortable with who I am.
Thank you so much for doing videos because I don't have insurance and can’t go to get help and I struggle with depression so much. It helps to listen to Tony because I feel like he is the only person who understands my autism.
I don't have the greatest self esteem but I still learned some common signs of an abusive person. The main one is that they do not respect your boundaries.
If it could be as clear: one of the symptoms of ASD is the blindness for personal space and boys men are communicating in an intrusiv, abusiv way. I recognize this trait in myself as well as in my father and we are both generous good persons ... we are
@@edwigcarol4888 It is a warning sign. It is not foolproof. Most non-abusive autistic people will try to change their behavior if you tell them they are intruding on your personal space. Abusive people won't. They keep trying to get around your boundaries.
@@edwigcarol4888 Yes. I have known somebody like that. He wound up having a heart attack, and was forced to take early retirement.
Information on aging most helpful. Thank you
I always look forward to these videos. Thank you for posting.
lovely video
I was watching this with tears. I don't know how to pick myself up anymore, life just became so difficult. I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life, I was born in a poor family, my dad never really care about me, only my mom dose, but she had and still have no idea who I really am. There is no family support at all, my other family members absolutely hate me. I was and have always been the black sheep in the family, I never wanted to socialise like the others, never care about the" face value", never wanted to please anyone for the seek of relationships mantaines( it's very important in Chinese culture to always think of others and being in a group) we had no money, which means low quality education back in China. I couldn't finish my study. Then after getting married, my partner kept cheating on me, he said Im too selfish and cold nature. He call me names, bullied me a lot. But I was too much of a coward to leave him, I was also worrying that I'll lose the only support I had in life. Finally, my son was born, I had to quite school again because of him. My husband again criticised me for not being able to do everything like the others (manage family work study all at the same time), he called me lazy and useless. Anyway, 5 years after my son was born, he got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, that was when I found out the truth of myself, why I struggled my whole life. So right now I'm a woman in my 30s with no job, no money, both husband and my child are painful to live with. I also have bad isomina, I feel totured both physically and mentally most of the days. Just to manage every day life is a challenge and brings out a lot of the anxiety. I don't know what I have in life anymore. I've been having suicide thoughts a lot these days. I don't know how to find the light in life, I cannot see anything positive anymore, help!
I'm so sorry you're in such a situation Vivian. Do you have any friends outside of your family? Are there any autism associations you could contact and set up at least social events for you and your child? There is a world out there for you... outside your home. You need to get yourself into a more helpful, understanding environment. Clearly where you are is depressing you.
@@autismhangout Thanks a lot, I have been reaching out for quite a while, joined a couple of groups, but the places for meet ups were usually quite far from me, with bad sleep, I wasn't comfortable to drive for that long, plus I just got my licence ( p plate), I live in Brisbane, the public transportations are nearly none existing around where I live, Anyway, I'm not sure what to do, I hope to get a job but I don't know if I can handle the stress of it, especially when I don't sleep enough every night.
@@viviankang Please join some online women-only groups on FB. There you will find others like you to talk to, others who understand you. My favourite group is Aspergers & Autism Safe Room: A Safe Haven For Women On The Spectrum
Oh my God! The mistakes one! I am very good at spotting errors in the dates on food at my job, and usually perfect at picking out all the old dates that need to be pulled. But sometimes someone finds one I missed and it feels TERRIBLE. no one else ever feels as bad as me when They miss dates (and they miss MANY!!!) But it makes me feel inadequate, a failure.
I too expected a Lot of myself. I finally had to accept that errors are a part of being human. You are not the failure you think you are.
thank you as always, it´s making us / me feel understood, the new thing now is, people dont want to get informed, and tell you : no you are totally normal, you got nothing dahhhhh! thank you !
Thanks for this. I was interested in the last question on ageing. I'm a retired GP and was diagnosed recently in my late 60's. Would you be able to post details of the research paper once it is published please? I also have some friends of a similar age who would be interested. Thanks a lot. I am a subscriber to your channel.
Challenges throughout your life - masking - false identity to cope - YES!!
Could you talk about Invalidation Trauma, resulting PTSD that manifest differently in Autistics?
#AutismAndPTSD #InvalidationTrauma
PTSD in Autism may be way more common than the Neurotypical population.
We may experience SADNESS and UNWORTHINESS that lead to isolating protective measures.
Judith Herman discussed the “state of chronic humiliation” of feeling unaccepted, how shame can be a “physiologically stressful experience,” and the “role of shame in the development of traumatic disorders”
People need to be more careful how they treat us Aspies.
They claim to love us, but then they constantly remind us how much of a failure we are.
When we try so hard to do it right.
We are just wired this way, we feel we are aliens, never ever fitting in..
The leading cause of death for autistic:
We heard too many times how much of a failure we are, and we just can't take it anymore, and we start believing things don't ever get better.
The battle seems just bigger than us, overwhelming, we are at the end of our rope.
We need people that are IN OUR CAMP, that celebrate our neurodiversitiy instead of mocking, shame, belittle, demean, bully or criticize us..
"It is our behavior, communication, and quality of presence that brings the most poignant stigma.
We are judged, dismissed, marginalized, rejected, and stereotyped because our actions do not conform to conventional standards and our social value is dim. diminished accordingly.
Trauma can make the challenges of autisticy worse and cause great emotional suffering, yet it may be the most neglected variable of all." - GORDON GATES
People with more autistic traits display a specific form of PTSD, one characterized by hyperarousal:
They may be more easily startled, more likely to have insomnia, predisposed to anger and anxiety, or have greater difficulty concentrating than is seen in other forms of PTSD.
Recognizing this subtype could be particularly helpful for spotting and preventing it, and for developing treatments, Horesh says, especially because the same traits might otherwise be mistakenly attributed to autism and overlooked.
It is still difficult to tease apart correlation from causation. In other words, does autism predispose someone to post-traumatic stress, or are people with autism more vulnerable to experiencing traumatic events? Or both?
Scientists simply don’t know the answers yet - although some studies do indicate that autistic children are more reactive to stressful events and, because they lack the coping skills that help them calm down, perhaps predisposed to PTSD.
“The way traumatic stress expresses itself in people on the spectrum may be different.”
www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/intersection-autism-trauma/
The disappointing thing is that if my autism means I'll cope best with part-time work (which seems to be true for me), but it doesn't give me enough money..... Then what?
I call it a sensayuma. It’s vital in living a good life. As to others not liking me being my fault: one thing I learned from reading Ayn Rand was that I like myself enough to not judge myself negatively if others don’t like me; au contraire, I judge THEM negatively for not being capable of or willing to appreciate me for the wonderful, unique person that is me. I don’t respect NT thought too much. I am also a sapiosexual.
35:00 Exactly! why me... I was the nicest guy in my friend group. I did not bitch at anymore and treated everyone with respect. Till today I still don't know why my friends at that time picked on and made fun of me all the time. I had to transfer to another University to escape that intoxicating environment. I am in my 30 now. I still cry whenever I think about those difficult time.
38:52 I had experience of 20's and early 30's addicted to pornography.
It was worrying like he said.
Because like a lot of Aspie at the time I their 20's I was sex addict virgin.
I lost my virginity now.
There could men with autism who will die a Virgin and have no interpersonal understanding of communication with women and relationship in the real world.
So like Attwood say it is worry men with autism who not learnt as I would say communication with women and knowledge or how relationships work.
Pornography is not a documentary on how relationships work.
I need his help! It's as if he knows my brain and my mind so much. I believe I'm on the spectrum, but diagnosed as Bipolar 1.
A nice cup of tea with Dr. T...LOL
This is insightful (Re. Intimacy) .Many years ago I cheated on an ex repeatedly, and never felt guilt or remorse. I also got away with it because of my poker face. The problem here is that I ended up with an NPD diagnosis as a result of my behaviour (but I don't think I am NPD). I've sent a question actually, as the former diagnosis is getting in the way of me getting an ASD diagnosis.
Contrarily, however, most people do think of me as kind, empathic and honest -- I'm not standard issue, I'm a contradiction and an exception, and in this case I was 100% exploring my sensory pleasures and sexuality, and that was my special interest.
I'm not saying what I did was right, I'm not in that place anymore and I paid the price for it -- but this was me, my story 100%!
36:00 happy you mention it
I began to read the Porges's book "polyvagal theory", before i even came to identify my set of issues as Asperger (autism plus in fact) And i recognize at once that Porges was describing my biology. "The autonomic nervous system as the system ensuring homeostasis, attentional focus, emotional regulation as well as a "social system" through the cranial nerves: prosody, facial expression, and the most fascinating: CN VII tuning of the ears to select frequency, filter the sounds...
But there is more than that. Clumsiness and impulsivity? Which biology here?
Great questions on PTSD with or without ASD... i can tease out by myself trauma from Asperger
I regret a bit this polarisation between ASD and NTs among the so called NTs the bullyers here, there are surely offenders like Narcissist and the other very problematic group of Conduct disorders, Antisocial Personalities, further more false personae following a group leader (weak sense of self) and the fakers, with no authentic self..
Real NTs with their high social and empathy skills are surely very respectful persons, from whom i would like to ask for some support - but of course they cannot be interested. Different life styles....
Is there a reason OCD and ADHD is listed as OCD and ADHS? Is this a new abbreviation or a typo?
I really enjoyed the videos and all the aspects covered. Thank you.
Can therapy to address PTSD for an autistic person be effective if the “trauma” is ongoing? And if that “trauma” is unlikely to stop anytime in the near future?
évaluer de façon comptable le taux d'épuisement de chaque évènement est une chose impossible pour moi...
Pas necessaire en fait. Avoir cet idee en tête suffit. Mon therapeute disait simplement: tenir en compte le besoin de repos.
Ceci dit je crois que pour nous il est essentiel de reconnaitre pour soi que nos efforts et nos repos sont de tres differente nature que ceux des NTs: savoir pour nous que la vie sociale peut etre epuisante alors que les autres s'amusent. Et que la solitude peut etre delicieuse pour nous, ce qui deprime les NTs
Is it possible to be on the ASD spectrum if the DSM criteria A for ASD is minimal but the criteria for B is definitely met, or is that another diagnosis?
Hate to state the obvious but the mask might be much more attractive than than the standard Aspie. This also happens with other types of roles and social rules. People who are not ASD also experience this with friends. This is reality. NTs people experience this all the time. It is part of society. Of course this is more painful when you are hungry for approval.
I would like to know about the burn out in a job, I like my job and it is very accepting of me however the working 5 days I just too much even withaccounting. What do I do in this situation where I don't want to leave
its not called narcissism when you're self obsessed, thats called autism. Aut means; "self", in greek. dont misrepresent an already fragile community, thank you.
The best culture is those with autism.
That why I watch autism videos.
And read all the comments.
I feel like my coronavirus anxiety is up.
But I'm being encourage taking off the mask by the scientist working for the government.
Stay in, keep your distancing no mass gathering.
The public not being ask to act like Nero typicial which helps me that I been less tired mentally and happier I just be at home and be my ASD selfs at home.
Autistic people or persons with autism as Attwood says. can not go out not just the lock down demand.
But the cross over with OCD why go out side when their is a evil virus which could kill me.
I know there is lots of type of OCD.
And contamination is a stereotype of OCD.
Washing hands 3 times, not touching door handles, the bin lid for germs.
The NHS and government advice since January has heighten the non copying techniques to help with OCD.
By content advise to keep washing hands and anxiety.
I think Attwood should talk more of commobility of ASD and OCD.
Why does Dr Tony think it's funny, that people can lie and get away with it? He laughs, when talking about it.
35:40