Henrietta Copeland on the Silent Grief of Childlessness
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- čas přidán 27. 02. 2024
- In this emotionally charged episode, Henrietta opens up about her journey through permanent childlessness and shares the complexities of her grief. Henrietta describes how there isn't a singular reason for her childlessness - not meeting the right partner and the element of luck being 50% out of her control. She recalls making a promise to herself, keeping the door half-shut, and the heartbreak that then followed.
Key Points Discussed:
Confronting Sadness:
Exploring the depths of her grief, Henrietta opens up about the sadness that accompanies the longing for children never conceived. The challenges of feeling alienated and misunderstood during the second year of her journey come to the forefront.
Disenfranchised Grief:
Henrietta sheds light on the disenfranchised grief experienced by childless individuals, where the loss remains invisible and delegitimized. She addresses the staggering statistic that one in five people faces this unacknowledged sorrow.
Creating a Supportive Tribe:
Discovering solace in a newfound community, Henrietta emphasises the significance of creating spaces for childless women to openly discuss their pain. She underscores the power of validation and the healing that can occur when individuals facing similar struggles come together.
Existential Anguish:
Henrietta bares her soul, sharing moments of anger and betrayal intertwined with the existential loneliness that accompanies childlessness. She articulates the ongoing struggle of holding onto the idea of having her own child.
This episode serves as a powerful testament to the often silent grief of permanent childlessness. It provides a compassionate space for validation and understanding. Henrietta's story unfolds as a narrative of resilience and strength in the face of unseen struggles.
Oh Henri, this is so beautiful. Thank you so much for articulating the double disenfranchised loss of being both single not by choice and childless not by choice. Hugs, Jody x
Thank you Henri. I am still feeling this grief at age 59. So much resonated with me - picturing my child, being the odd one in the family, my old age, who will grieve me. My friends and family have been kind but I’ve sometimes held back my grief for fear of being seen as the person putting a dampener on happy occasions. I find that hard.
Henrietta is absolutely fabulous at describing the alienation, the grief, the experience of being childless not by choice. I wish this could be seen by all families, all people so that understanding can be widespread.
Yes alienation but I have also experienced verbal recriminations by other women who have said that I didn't have children because I'm selfish.
@@joldendoves2795 Me too. Probably all of us. Those women are idiots, plain and simple. They are to be ignored or if one feels inclined told off.
I've tried the telling off or explaining but those types of women have shut minds. They will never understand as they are incapable of doing so and devoid of empathy.
In some cases (as with abuse and other difficult situations) not having children is Unselfish. It's thinking of the life the child would have over thinking of oneself and the desire to be a mother.
Love the honesty & courage of Henrietta sharing her story & experience.
Wish there was less focus of trying to find the “Reason” (which feels like blame to singles) for why a partner didn’t come into the picture. We never try to dial into the Reason that partnered people are with each other - as if there was any possible way to isolate one reason someone found or did not find a partner. Single people can end up single even if they date many people and have many relationships. Partnered people find partners with the very same mindset Henrietta had, which essentially was I’m not interested in anyone unless they are a great fit. And wouldn’t a partner who was a great fit have found her as she was if the stories of meaning and “meant to be” we put on partnership were actually true?
I just understand so much more since listening to this heartbreakingly honest account. I have 3 grown up children but your story is as relevant to me as to anyone. Your ability to describe your feelings and the images you created are incredible. I will try to be a better listener in future. Thank you Henri 🙏🏼
oh my heart..... this is my story but to hear this articulated is so powerful and normalising. A wonderful wonderful session.
Thank you, Julia for covering this topic and thank you, Henri for being so open and describing our situation so well. I hope over time more therapists will be open to learning about this subject and that people in general will also learn to be more understanding.
She would have been a lovely mother. You can have children that are born of our hearts rather than our bodies. Her children might find their way to her in another way. It’s a wonderful thing to have children in our lives even if they aren’t born of us.
Such a moving account. Thank you Henri for educating us and sharing your pain. It was so powerful. And thank you Julia for presenting Henri's children to the world 💖💖💖
As soon as I saw this interview I tapped on it straight away, I have the same thing no children and sorry that I don't have a family of my own, I have three brothers who are financially very successful got married and remained with the same wife all their adult life. My eldest brother had a problem with me not doing the same as them but I didn't have a choice in this, I have a few childless friends who never wanted children and make me feel better but if I'm honest I wanted the family or did I, I don't want to foster and social workers are crying out for foster parents, adoption maybe. If I would have had sperm donation but it wasn't available back then.
You're so pretty with beautiful hair and so interesting your children would have been beautiful.