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7 Years As A Widow: How My Grief Has Changed | One Happy Widow
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- čas přidán 6. 08. 2024
- In the last 7 years that I have been a widow, grief has changed in my life. From the initial days of loss and grief to finding strength and purpose, I open up about the highs and lows of my experience. Join me as I reflect on how my life has changed and the lessons I've learned along the way. Whether you are going through a similar journey or supporting someone who is, I hope my story brings you comfort and inspiration.
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor, counselor, or any other medical professional. Information in this video is not meant to be interpreted as medical advice. I am simply sharing my own experiences in my grief journey. If you feel that your needs are beyond the scope of the informational content of this video, please seek medical advice from your doctor to discuss treatments or medications that may be available to you. If you are having feelings or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255, or in the US you can dial 988.
Helping you find your happy in the grieving process
Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss
Has your grief changed over time?
As I again sit here again with tears rolling down my face after losing my husband of 53 years, I am feeling everything you are sharing, but it is getting harder not easier! Thank you for being you and letting us know what we are going through is normal! God bless you.
My month is November and it will be 8 years this November. My husband was 47, I was 54. I'm 62 now. and retired from the school system. I've followed you for awhile and appreciate your honesty. Thank you for sharing and being real. I feel like I've watched every video, listened to every podcast and read every book on being a widow over the last 7 years and what I've noticed is that almost all people speaking out are remarried. While I can appreciate that the loss and grief never go away, I also think there is a significant difference in widowed when we've made the choice to not seek out another partner. There is a real finality in checking the "widow" box forever. A whole different set of challenges are creaated on top of the loss and grief...like no support, not feeling understood, loneliness., having to do EVERYTHING on your own, growing old alone, being a single parent (albiet to grown children) and the list goes on. There is feeling lonely and actually being alone most of the time, and they are completely different. I've wondered why more people who have "chosen " the widow life don't speak out and I think it's because society is way less patient and unwilling to hear about the loneliness, whereas stories of remarriage are more hopeful and filled with people being resilient and these stories are just easier to hear and more socially acceptable. Remarried widows are considered strong and resilient and provide stories of hope, whereas widows who don't remarry are considered weak and pathetic. And of course this just adds to the isolation. Just another perspective. Thank you for sharing your story and allowing others to do the same.
Thanks for watching and sharing your perspective from someone who has chosen a different path in this journey. I can certainly appreciate that there are other aspects of the long-term grief for someone who does not find (or choose to find) love again. It’s always a double-edged sword, as there are many people who don’t think I have the right to speak about widowhood since I have remarried. I do enjoy hearing the different ways that people handle their life after loss, so thank you for taking the time to shed some light on some different ways that people grieve!
I understand exactly what you're saying. I've not remarried either. It's been almost 10 years. Married friends are now more like acquaintances. Living lonely is different than living alone. We don't fit the expectations of what others think we should do/be. But, keep being you. It takes a strong minded and determined person to embrace life without a partner. Yes, we have our struggles, but we aren't weak.
I don’t believe ANY widow is EVER weak or pathetic. Remarriage is statistically difficult for widows AND divorced women purely considering that there are so many more widows than widowers. (Numerically men die earlier ). Let’s just embrace that life is hard. Being a successful woman while widowed or divorced or single or MARRIED is challenging. Life/God may or may not give you another opportunity to marry. One is not more hopeful or sad. I’m inspired by many widows I see and know who are transparent about learning and growing & living.
I don’t believe ANY widow is EVER weak or pathetic. Remarriage is statistically difficult for widows AND divorced women purely considering that there are so many more widows than widowers. (Numerically men die earlier ). Let’s just embrace that life is hard. Being a successful woman while widowed or divorced or single or MARRIED is challenging. Life/God may or may not give you another opportunity to marry. One is not more hopeful or sad. I’m inspired by many widows I see and know who are transparent about learning and growing & living.
My month is March and it was 9 years for me this year. From what you’ve said in your comment, all I know is that you’ve decided you don’t want to remarry. There could be many reasons for that, but none make me think you are weak and/or pathetic. As widows, we may have some feelings and experiences in common, but our histories and circumstances are all different. I hope you will be as kind and loving with yourself as you would be with your best friend. While being a widow has its problems and challenges, such as those you mentioned, remarrying would have problems and challenges, too. At 71, I don’t know if I’ll remarry or not. If I were to meet and fall in love with a fine gentleman who knows what might happen?
None of us knows what the future holds. All we can do is live one day at a time, and look forward to what surprises tomorrow may bring! Wishing you all the best!
The worst thing about losing my husband 2 weeks ago was someone saying that now you are single , you fulfilled your vows.,No way I am still married ,, only my husband is up there and Im down here but he will always be my husband...
Sometimes people say the dumbest things! Of course you still feel married, and in some way you might always. And that’s ok!
Your video just popped up in my feed. I almost didn't tune in. I was widowed at age 51. Our 3 youngest were in college, our oldest were married with babies and small children. Two weeks before he passed, our 3rd son became a 1st time Daddy. She was born 2 weeks early. He passed on her due date. Even then, the Lord blessed us with her arrival. It will be 10 yrs this December. Almost everything you've shared, I can identify with. (Except) I've not dated nor remarried, so blending a family hasn't been my journey. The journey has been tough on my heart and our children, but we're all doing well, most of the time.
My beloved was also a military career Soldier. Retired SFC/E7, he never got that option to experience retirement, though.
Being a widowed grandmother has many aches and growing pains. I can't afford the things we used to offer our oldest grandblessings. But, if not for our grandblessings, I'm not sure I'd have come this far.
10yrs ... seems like yesterday and a thousand years at the same time.
Christ Jesus has been faithful through it all. I'll be tuning in as you share. I'm glad I clicked play.
I’m glad you clicked too! Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback.
I just passed the 2 year mark. My life has definitely changed. Over the last 2 years I have made my house mine. There is no one to share it with other than grandkids and now great grands.
I do what I want when I want and I don't care what anyone thinks.
Yes I do miss my husband every day. I suspect I always will.
I meet with a group of friends twice a month. I don't mind doing things by myself.
I have had to learn how to keep up with repairs on house. The most difficult part of that is finding right person for job.
Overall I figured out I had to take care of myself. Nobody is going to do it for me.
You sound like you have embraced your independence, I’m proud of you!
Our loved ones are always around as spirits they see everything especially they never miss big occasions
We don’t actually believe this, but there’s no way to know who is right…thanks for watching!
Thankyou for bringing up this topic.
I'm at the 6 1/2 year mark of living my husband.
Noone talks about it anymore.
Grief changes, but what a journey!!!!
Still heartbroken, picking up my pieces and for my children.
Yes, sooo hard trying to help your children.
Thankyou.
God's strength!
Spelling error. Losing my husband
Thanks for watching and sharing your support #widfam
I lost my husband 11 months ago but I am older than most of you. It is hard but gets easier. However your life is changed forever and will never be the same again! The World refers to you as single which to me hurts because I didn’t choose this life. I am still adjusting but I do attend a Grief Share group which helps some.
I’m glad you found a group that helps you. Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam
It's so tough especially when menopause hits. I've been a widow twice. Once when I was 40 my husband died of leukemia. Then I remarried 4 years later. Then 16 years later my husband died of a massive heart attack in his chair during the night. I understand about the hair. I did the same. My mother died last year and my weight has blossomed. I try to be as loving to myself as I am to others who are struggling. Be kind to yourself. Thanks for putting yourself out there for us.
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam
Being a young widow with a kid to raise on my own cost me my health. She was 2. Now that she is 19, I am starting to catch my breath.
Raising grieving children is probably the hardest part of being a widow, in my opinion!
I am glad you are back- I am 1 1/2 yrs out - it is still very hard. It helps to understand what all others go through. We were married almost 48 yrs, I haven't found that 'new normal'.
It take a while to rescue true your whole life, and we do it reluctantly, so that takes even more time. Go at your own pace, and be kind to yourself!
Thank you for your video. My husband of 50 years passed away this February. He was very ill for 8 years. Now I am navigating and finding a new path. I miss him terribly. ❤
The first year is hard we lost our oldest son in a motor vehicle accident over 20 years ago so I know all the “firsts “ are hard.
Thank you for watching and sharing some of your story with us. Prayers to you #widfam
Thank you so very much for sharing your experience. You are a great example of navigating life after losing a spouse. We are 2 months shy of 5 years after losing my husband of 45 years, and the pain has become tolerable but will never be gone. I miss him daily. I am grateful for the way you describe finding a new routine through life. Two years ago the older of our 2 children decided to become estranged from all family; I’m finding that very difficult, but I will continue finding the comfort and peace through faith.
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback. Our oldest daughter who lives in CA has also gone no-contact with us also. She left her son with his dad and she moved across the country as far away from us as she could get. I pray daily that she will return to her family one day, but her brain will have to be in a different place before that can happen.
This video is so relatable. Thanks for sharing it. I became a widow 2.5 years ago. As you said, grief is a different journey for everyone, but the whole time that I was watching, I noticed that I was constantly shaking my head, "yes". I explained it to another recent widow like this: It is the most unique, strangest, unpredictable, difficult journey that you will ever go on, but you will make it with faith.
Yes, all of this! It is so hard to explain it to someone who hasn't lost a spouse, and almost no need to explain it to someone who has. We just "get it" in some sort of way. Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback #widfam
I’ve missed you Leo! Please know how much you are loved. I’m approaching 6 years as a widow. You’ve helped me so much. I say “me too” to everything you share. I still cry too. Every day we keep growing stronger. ❤
Thanks so much for your feedback! I appreciate you #widfam
Hello, I just watched your video for the first time, the video when you talked about your late husband's diagnosis. My struggle is with my son.... He was diagnosed with glioblastoma and given 1to 2 yrs. to live. This was 15 mos. ago. I grieve everyday. He had a clinical trial last September, he was sick most of the winter from this trial but it gave him more time . Right now he has bad days and good days. He had been excepted for phase 2 of the trial. This week he had a scan and the tumor has grown from the last scan. The phase 2 is not until January.😢 This type of cancer is very aggressive and incurable..... January is 61/2 mos. Away. Now I find myself pacing the floor because I'm terrified he won't make it to the trial date! So I understand what it's like to grieve before any passing. I can't believe I'm loosing a child....he is 43 and 1 of 5....thank you for your videos. Robin
So thankful for this channel 🙏 I lost my husband 2 months ago😭💔 Our son in an accident in 2020😭Miss them both so much . 🙏
I'm so sorry for your compounded loss and grief. Prayers for you #widfam
Hi Leo welcome back great video!
Thanks for watching #widfam
You look great!! Welcome back Leo!
Thanks for your kind words!
Thanks for your brutal honesty. I understand most of what you are saying. Your testimony is helpful.
Thanks for watching
Hi Leo, so happy that you're back on CZcams. You look great! 👍 Thank you for sharing with us your grief journey over the past 7 years . I am almost 2.5 years into my grief journey after losing my wonderful husband. I find it hard realizing that he will never come home to me. 😢 Looking forward to your future videos. 😊
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam
you look good Leo! sending you hugs
Thanks #widfam
So good to hear you. I started listening to you in 2021, right after my husband died. You feel like an old friend I haven't seen in awhile but we haven't missed a beat. So glad you are here again!
What a nice thing to say! 2021 is when I started the channel, and it is so nice to get back to it!
Glad you are back! Your videos helped me after my wife passed...now its been just over 2 years.
Thanks for watching #widfam
I’ve followed you a few months after the passing of my husband on Nov 2022. Thank you for sharing all of your grief journey. I can definitely relate to many of your experiences.
Thanks for watching and sharing your support #widfam
I am so glad I watched this. It has been 8 years since I lost my husband. I still grief to a certain extent. This grief is one you dont get over but it gets easier. I glad these are normal feelings....
Yes, totally normal!
My hubby has passed three yrs three months ago 4/30/24. All I did was cry during this whole video. My hubby was in the military for twenty yrs. So I feel all the feels like you do.
Sorry for your loss. My husband was in the military for 20 years too! He passed too young only 50, on November 2022. Miss him every second 😭
I’m so sorry you are feeling n this journey, my friend
Those patriotic holidays are triggering, aren’t they?
Thank you for all the videos you have made. My husband has terminal colon cancer. I’ll be referring back to these videos in the future for sure.
Praying for you, and thanks for watching.
I was just thinking about you the other day and wondering if you were MIA...nice to have you back
Thank you for thinking of me, yes I'm officially BACK! I had to take a mental health break- just needed to rest my brain, body, heart...all the things!
Welcome back what a treat , your videos are amazing they help so much in 1 month my husband will be gone 3 yrs time flies but stands still if that makes sense. Same here anything patriotic gets my heart he was in the Navy and qhen u say some gave all oh yeah I know what u mean. Nice to see u Leo and so happy ur back take care and give yourself grace ur amazing ❤
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam
My husband passed 7/7/24, 5 days ago in an auto accident . We were married 32 years. We were separated so his death has been devastating.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this complicated grief journey.
Hi there, sorry to hear of this terrible incident in your life, many of us who have gonna through the same shock R holding a lot candle of strength to help U through. Turn to a friend here if the day& night seems unbearable, here 4 u if I need to text/talk😢😢💖💖stay in peace
Thank you for continuing to share your journey; I have missed you … I came upon your Channel when I lost my Mark last Fall … thank you for saying that patriotic holidays are especially hard; he was retired Air Force and these holidays have hit me hard; I thought that was kind of crazy on my part but you have helped me to put some perspective on those feelings … I really appreciated how you talked about honoring the memory of your loved one by living your best life … I am a retired Special Education teacher; my advice to you is to take care of yourself; it’s a very tough job and I totally understand your stress … ❤ Grateful to have “visited” you today!
Sounds like we have a lot in common! I have yet another new job this fall, and I'll talk about it in my net video, but I can say that it's part-time, and it's not in SPED...hopefully those 2 changes will help a little! Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback #widfam
Leo I was thinking you look great!! Good to see you.☺️
Aww thanks, #widfam
Leo! I have missed you! I am so glad you’re back and I think you look fabulous! I am looking forward to your live session. I’m going on 3 years and am finally realizing this is my life now and it is nothing like I thought it would be at this age. Being a widow sucks!
Yes, it totally does!
Leo, your videos have been a touchstone for me in the six months since my husband died. I appreciate you, your intent to help, and your no-nonsense and forthcoming delivery more than I can say.
I hear you on the frustration of menopause - please find a health care provider well-versed in HRT to see if you might be a candidate...it can be life-changing, including addressing the seemingly endless weight gain. I also understand your thoughts on not feeling your best on camera; but I want to assure you that I'm seeing the same generous, helpful spirit and person I saw in all the other videos, and I have nothing but positive thoughts towards your appearance. We're all in the same struggle with that, same as this widows' club.
I so appreciate everything you do. Looking forward to your future content.
Thank you for all your kind words! I did mention to my doctor at my last appt about HRT, and she sort of blew me off, saying that the side effects can sometimes be worse than the original symptoms, so unless I'm truly suffering, it's not time yet. Since I started eating better, the hot flashes have gotten better, but this weight and low-energy is for the birds!!!
Almost 3 years out...remarried for 6 months... I still get the wind knocked out of me when i see his items and have to make a decision about what to do with his belongings and then I need a day to cry....my new husband had lost his wife as well so he understands...
You are both lucky to have each other.
I can relate to the menopause. Hot Flashes have been bad, and being so tired felt like it came out of nowhere.
Oh, and the hair thinning is no joke either.
I'm glad to hear you're doing better.
Missed you!!
I can explain the way I felt with the initial
shock of my husband taking his life, on our 22nd anniversary. Shell Shock.
It was like someone had shot a gun close by, and there was a ringing in my ears, I was going through the motions, but mentally I couldn't wrap my mind around it. December 4th will be nine years, and our family is torn apart.
My children blame me, and I haven't
seen or talked to them in two years.
I became a grandma on Christmas Eve
last year, and my son won't let me see
the baby. I just wish their daddy could see just how much our lives are Not Better, since he's gone. Our boys were
11 and 15 at the time he passed away.
I'm so sorry you have had to go through all this, Im sure your grief is a mix of so many different emotions. One of my children has also gone no-contact, and will not allow me to see my only grandson either. It is so tough!
I lost my husband 6 days ago. The grief is overwhelming. I have a great support system but I can't let them in right now. For now, I hibernate in our house, surrounded by my husband's things, listening to videos like this. Does it help to know others are suffering as I am? I don't know. Sorry, I'm rambling.
Don’t be sorry. Talk is like therapy. I am moving through my own grief after losing my spouse in January 2024
You are in fresh grief right now, and it’s normal to not want company for a while. Take one day at a time, and be kind to yourself.
Glad to see you on CZcams again! Teaching is so, so hard. I left my teaching career many, many years ago and never looked back. Have you considered a different career path?
Yes, it just keeps getting worse every year! I’m transitioning out, hopefully this next year is my last, as it’s only part-time!
My Husband Phil died 7 years ago Good Friday April 14th 2017 Love and Miss him so much
I’m so sorry #widfam
Missed you, but I understand and take care of yourself.
Thanks for your kind message!
Welcone Back#!!❤
Thanks, it’s good to be back!
Refering to menopause , I spent like 10 yrs with this problem and hot flushes ,especially if I was stressed ..and being a wifow didn,t help..and someone told me to try leaving all dairy and anything made with wheat flour..like normal bread and cakes biscuits ect..and within a week I started to feel much better and the hot flushes stopped..unless I have a fright..or I eat wheat..then in 15 mins I have a hot flush...I have been controling these two ingredients for about 6 months and my blood work came out perfect and I feel totaly different...I also have hot ginger drink for brealfast and a couple of rounds of pineapple first..and my weight has stabilized .
Than you for the advice! I have cut out all gluten and flour for several months, and my hot flashes also went away. Of course my cycle returned also lol. I do believe that nutrition is the key to so much healing, without all the nasty side effects of medication. I have been on keto/carnivore mix for about a year. I haven't lost any weight, but my health is actually better (bloodwork, etc) than it has been in a long time.
Widowed for 9 years with 9 yr old twins😢 widowed at 27
I’m so sorry #widfam
Thank you for your words. You are so lovely and a very good communicator. Even though I am much older and my kids are adults with kids, much of what you say pertains to any widow, at any age. Very helpful and wise words to me as I listen. I am coming up on the 3rd anniversary of losing my prince. Having been thru menopause some years ago, I notice that your thyroid is swollen which may be indicative of hypothyroid (underactive) and two major symptoms of that are hair loss and weight gain and it almost always shows up at this age for the first time. I was put on thyroid medication for about 10 years which helped a great deal. Also research what nutrients support thyroid production....zinc, selenium, iodine, etc., and eating higher protein and lower carb. That info helped me back then tremendously. I'm not a doctor and if this doesn't pertain to you, please disregard.
Thank you for your suggestions and your kind words as well! I do have Hashimoto's, diagnosed about 8-10 years ago and take medication, but it doesn't seem to make me feel much different if I'm off it or on it. THe dr. said nutrition will make more difference in how I feel than anything. I have been carnviroe eating for hte past year and a half or so, probably about 85% of the time...but those other 15% days when I have a setback, my body goes full-blown craving mode and I can easily gain 5-10 pounds in about 3 days of eating "junk" so it's been difficult to be consistent. It's just a constant job to see what makes me feel the best, what I can stomach, and of course the will power to stick to it!
Welcome back, we have a couple of things in common, not liking the month of June. I lost my husband June 2nd 2017 so I am also a widow 7 years and my husband's birthday is also in June. We were married 49 years . I have not remarried . It's great you're back ,looking forward to future videos. Have a great day.
Thanks for watching and sharing your story #widfam
My husband died 2 June 2023, so I am in my 1 year. It is hard, but God is good!!!
One moment at a time
HEY just want to say YOUVE got this!I believe that what ever is thrown our way,GOD has it in control.I can tell your a beautiful person inside ,I only take one day at a time ,because you not promised tomorrow .I believe GOD put you and your new husband together for purpose?I wish you and yours the most happiness that can be,for the rest of your time on this earth.GOD bless and enjoy life for it is LOVE.
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback. I do believe God sent my current husband to me, and me to him- we have certainly helped each other through some tough times!
Good girl that you stepped up to positive changes to avoid things such as diabetes, so good that you didn't make things more complicated
Yes, I'm trying my best to stay healthy. Dewey had diabetes in addition to so many other issues, so I saw how that affected him too. Thanks for watching.
Lonely vs loneliness...complex. coming up on the 3rd anniversary of my husband's death..August 19th.
Thanks for watching #widfam
Go out and get IT.
Every day!
@@OneHappyWidow yes every day.stop being satisfied with poor performing partners. They must be GOOD and thats it.
@@OneHappyWidow IF EVERY DAY ,YOU ARE MY TYPE.
I have a question - do you still quilt?
I actually don’t enjoy quilting (I have tried it), but I do love to sew, and I still love it.
Congratulations on getting married again.
Thank you it has almost been 5 years now.
@@OneHappyWidow Sweet.❤
The loss is permanent especially in a very long marriage. You just have to plod on day by day.
Yes, this is true!
I just heard a little more about your husband always wanting to be a dad . Please allow me to say that this sucks and it is NOT fair ! ❤️🔥
How is your husband doing with his grief are you further along ? Is he ?im curious..
Thanks for your feedback. My current husband is now 5 years out and I’m 7 years out. We are helping each other cope.
Are you drinking coke? No,no,no
No, its Diet Coke
Our loved ones are always around as spirits they see everything especially they never miss big occasions
So true 🎯🙏🏽