What you don't know about marriage | Jenna McCarthy
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- čas přidán 13. 06. 2024
- www.ted.com In this funny, casual talk from TEDx, writer Jenna McCarthy shares surprising research on how marriages (especially happy marriages) really work. One tip: Do not try to win an Oscar for best actress.
TEDTalks is a daily video podcast of the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes. Featured speakers have included Al Gore on climate change, Philippe Starck on design, Jill Bolte Taylor on observing her own stroke, Nicholas Negroponte on One Laptop per Child, Jane Goodall on chimpanzees, Bill Gates on malaria and mosquitoes, Pattie Maes on the "Sixth Sense" wearable tech, and "Lost" producer JJ Abrams on the allure of mystery. TED stands for Technology, Entertainment, Design, and TEDTalks cover these topics as well as science, business, development and the arts. Closed captions and translated subtitles in a variety of languages are now available on TED.com, at www.ted.com/translate
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"Love may be blind, but Marriage is an EYE OPENER"
Sure?
Legendary
Absolutely!
Relationship**
Too late though
As someone who has been unhappily married for a long time and has been happily married for a long time (I'm old) I have one thing to say. You can be far happier single than married to the wrong person. I stayed in a bad marriage for way too long because I didn't know that. While being married can bring love, companionship and purpose into your life it can also bring dread, isolation and hopelessness. There is no virtue in staying in a bad marriage. If your marriage is bad, fix it or end it. Staying unhappy the rest of your life is an awful choice.
You should've given this TED talk...
Al Dente And adding insult to those who've had to go through something like that by laughing at their single life helps no one.
OMG, you made me cry.
Al Dente - you are right. I'm now single after having been unhappily married for many years. I highly doubt I will ever marry again.
Marriage Lectures like this one point to all the trivial reasons that people get divorced as if they are the only reasons, and then laugh and say "how dumb! how dumb!'" Please People -- stop pretending there aren't valid reasons for divorce beyond Physical Violence. And by the way I'd rather have gone through that than what I did go through.
The secret to being happily married is not needing to be happily married. I.e. you should be a 'complete person' all on your own, happy with yourself and with your life. If you happen to meet someone else who is a complete person, and you find that you are happier when they are around than when they are not - then you get married, and that marriage will last. Yesterday was my 24th wedding anniversary, and I adore my wife just as much as the day I married her. I get the impression she still adores me as well. If you are just getting married to check the box off your list of things you think you should do, your marriage will most likely fail. If you are just getting married because you feel incomplete as a person, your marriage will most likely fail. If you are just getting married to have kids, your marriage will most likely fail.
Thank you for saying this! All the other comments are so negative
👏👏👏👏
But there in lies a paradox. If a person is "complete" or autonomous, why marrying? It is unnecessary.
@@xaviconde Marriage is unnecessary. But so is ice cream. I enjoy both. Committing to one person for life is about as big a compliment as you can give someone. It's a nice thing to do for the person you love.
@@xavicondeyes...marriage is unnecessary but getting out of a marriage is much difficult than breaking up with the boyfriend/girlfriend...so society constructed this business transaction to keep people in control.
Next up on TED talks: "What you don't know about the family court system"
Edit: thanks to everyone who helped get this to 1K likes 👍
Just go MGTOW.
@Daniel Roberts who are " they?". the men who get fucked over are telling this to the disney brainwashed betas AND alphas of the world all the time still 98% wont listen because they are brainwashed. Still they hope that " my girl is not like the rest". I have been talking to men about this for years, they just look at me like im satan. Now i dont talk about it because im tired of playing " the bad guy". People are fools, and even the gods cant change that. And we all want to be happy and belive in the fairy tale. Its all about hard work/introspection/luck and the skill to see if your girl/boyfriend is a nutter/psycho ( redflags).
@James Curry tell us how you really feel lol you're not wrong though
James Curry so true! You got it 100%
@James Curry nothing is yours, good point
Marriage is the process of two people coming together to solve problems they didn't have before they were married.
jajajajajaja
Booboobear2388 oh no they had, just turned a “blind eye” to them!
😆
Put that on a Bumper sticker!
😹😹
the comments are way more interesting than the video..seriously...
i agree, i bet that women speaking watching the princess diaries every day 3 times a day over and over.
I agree fully; also her outfit is sexy but the woman is too damn thin. I'm black and we like ham on 'dem bones.
And funny...
She jumps around so much , it's hard to even figure out what she's trying to say. "There's a lot that sucks about it but you should still do it" or something like that. It may be true but it's not a logical argument that people can follow.
@@catholiccrusader5328 I'm not black, but if I eat a rib steat, I want more than the ribs. I'm a Québécois from Montréal and I dont mind the skin color(my ex is a pure Innu Native woman) but no woman who dont speak french anymore for me.(but thn again, it would be different if I lived in the USA ou England.
I am 84 yes old and my father said this any times, love is blind, marriage is an eye opener. So true!!!
Marriage is a business relationship ...ask any judge or "honest lawyer"
"Whats love got to do with it" Tina Turner
This is where comments makes much more sense than the video
Maybe that was Intentional😂
I divorced my wife because I couldn't get along with her boyfriend.
im1who84u. ha ha! funny but not funny. I know whatcha mean
im1who84u or her girlfriend...
@@mylifethrivingincanada7643 Good one. Had that been the case, I might have stayed on and made it three.
Hahaha.. this isn't funny...but it is funny in a way!
You selfish s.o.b!!!!!!
My brother-in-law has been married to my sister for 43 years. And he is legitimately borderline insane right now.
He is dominating or being dominated?
Yeah hopefully you don't side with your sister just because she's your sister!?
@leafonabreeze About the stats... Can you please share a few? Thanks!
@@EdMcCornhole I haven't spoken to her in years. I hear of his insanity/suicidal ideation through other family.
I thought it said my brother was married to my sister for 43 years 😂
three big mistakes in marriage : 1) Not knowing the person you are marrying and jumping into marriage too soon( it happens in my country India where marriages are arranged in 1-2 meetings) .2) not budgeting the marriage each occasion,event has a cost factor not including that in marriage is expensive( the country I belong to the cost is shared with parents which puts dent to self respect of the married couple and quality of their life)
3) Not having prenuptial agreement in place almost all legal structures in various countries go against break the marriage but you are two individuals who can exercise your right to go in different directions anytime. It is more important for males because most of the laws are pro-women.
I can't tell if this video is encouraging people to get married, or discouraging it.
+Ethan Swords it's ecouraging women to be thin&sexy and never dare to be more successful than their spouses :)
+Filipa Zacarias
the first is a favor to her man's satisfaction, and the second is a favor to the woman - after all, if she is the more successful, it is only a matter of time until she has only contempt for him, and destroys the relationship. that is the effect of a woman's desire.
Both?
I think the point ultimately is that marriage is a toss up. You don't know if the person you love and adore today will be someone you can love and adore after ten years of life. All these stats show that there is no secret really. There are fat wives with thin husbands where both are super happy, and there are teetotal couples who split up.
Sono Tom I’m so pissed at you for hitting this nail right on the head. Truth hurts. 😪
I'm married, if I had to do it all over again I would totally stay single.
This comment should have 1700 thumbs-up too!
Amen!! At least until into my 30’s and established
Dont know if joking or is for real 🤔
@@christopher6082 no-no, just STAY SINGLE. I'm telling you, no matter what you think your life might be missing, marriage won't solve that problem. Sure you might be less lonely then you were, but now you have a whole bunch of NEW problems to deal with that in my opinion are far worse.
@@blazn0 ABSOLUTELY serious.
Was married for 32 years. She divorced me and left me broke. Took my children, my life’s work and my self worth. It’s been 7 years, I rebuilt my life, I’m worth more today than I was when she bankrupted me, I have zero stress, wake up happy every morning. Bottom line, I’ve never been happier as I am right now. 2 people living on top of each other 24/7 is just not natural, hence divorces galore across the world. Life is too short and it should belong to you alone and nobody else. Stay single, prosper and stay happy. This is coming from a 65 year old man who has been there, done that and now doing it differently in a happier way.
Best comment. From your 25yr non married friend. Great advice!
Best comment. From a 23 year old non-married friend. Thanks for your advice.
Robert Cleft . You are most welcome my young friend. Enjoy life. If you want to have kids, then just have kids with someone and only pay child support. it’s cheaper to pay child support than to marry and then loose it all. Just have kids without tying yourself. Marriage is a trap for failure and it will fail in this modern world. Stay safe. Excel & progress and be successful. God bless you ..
You should understand that not all women are such egoistic to not want to be married from a man's perspective. But the legislation system favors women towards some issues and lets them put their own interest before children's needs (need for the biological father), let alone caring about their husbands and so. This is a flaw of society by not addressing well the trajectory towards equality...
A couple married for 75 years once said, the secret to a long and healthy marriage can be summed up in one word. Compromise!
We all know today who is doing all the compromising it’s mostly men.
You'll never truly know your woman, until you meet her in court!
art88 And she is never really yours; it’s just your turn.
And keep in mind, women choose whether or not the baby lives. What baby?
@@AllHandlesRTaken I see you watch Donovan my guy :)
Really?
You're telling me that they can be embracing lovingly while binge watching a favorite Netflix show one day and then divorced from a stranger the next?
Hahaha O wait that's not funny. But it is so so very TRUE!
"You'll never know a woman until you truly know a women; and you will never truly know a women" -Blackram313
The number one cause of divorce is marriage. Treat your spouse like they are married you get one result. Treat your spouse as if they are single the marriage will last much longer. A little advice from Grandpa
Thank you grandpa, you give good advice. Choose your partner afresh every day!
What does this meannnn
That’s some very good advice
Lol
@@mallutu811 essentially what it means is: when you're pursuing a single person you treat them better and you're happier as a result of them being happy 💛
P.S. I'm never getting married.. the concept alone frightens me
I'm married, if I had to do it all over again I would bc im 90% happy in my marriage. It all depends who you marry it's not always going to be easy but it's definitely not impossible. Choose wisely. It is certainly NOT a game.
I'll never get married again. I'd much rather find a person I don't like and give them my house and children.
Lol I see what you did😅
Chris W-J Rather find someone you like, and she like you, but don’t get married. Why bring law enforcement into your love life? They are the ones that win when the marriage ends; he’ll, they probably insinuated it.
Think twice before you sign?
LMFAOOOO
We all say that, lol I stayed single for 7 years. And then remarried.
Why don't you find: 1) a person you can trust and 2) a person you would like to sleep with. Then you would not have to give away anything.
The problem is most people put 2) in front of 1). Big mistake.
The one thing I learned from watching this video was "Never take marriage advice from a Woman".
haha good one Frank
Never take advice from a woman. Any advice. Brrrr Meow
Why?
@@marienguyen88 a woman cannot tell a man how to be a man.
Man on the internet expects random video to fix his life
If you wanted happiness you came to the wrong place.
God created this life so that our heart will break... lets work for our next everlasting lifr that we will live happily everafter inshallah 😊😊😊
@@fatimanoorahmad8720 "happily ever after" doesn't exist
@@fatimanoorahmad8720 you need to stfu
Not really sure about the point of this one...
That how felt good to know it’s not just me
I was wondering the same. xD
I think her point is “Don’t marry”, because a lot of people regret it. Though being married has worked out great for other people.
Edit: Never mind, I just didn’t watch the entire video, so.....yeah.
@@mr.coffee5220 so what do you think is the point?
BTS'S NEW ALBUM IS GONNA BE RELEASED ON MY BIRTHDAY, honestly her presentation was so confusing, so I don’t even fuckin’ know.
And yet I had three therapists in a row who heard me say “I don’t want to get married,” and we’d spend multiple sessions arguing back-and-forth
I’d explain how much I value my freedom and not being tied down. They relentlessly said “yeah, but you don’t wanna be fifty and look back with regrets of not getting married.”
To which I’d say “…and I don’t wanna be fifty and look back and regret marrying the wrong person”
To which THEY said “but you’ll never find somebody who’s perfect. Companionship is the main thing to look for”
To which **I** said “if nobody’s gonna be perfect, then why should I sacrifice my time, space, breathing space, money, energy, possibly even health for somebody who I’m not happy with?”
🙄 and they’d say “you’re only unhappy because you’re focusing on superficial things that fade anyways. You’re focused on attraction. You need to focus on kindness and companionship”
Needless to say I stopped seeing them, but let me tell you it was draining and disheartening that it took me years to find a therapist who wants me to live MY LIFE and not the life he sets out for me
Oh, and I appreciate her mentioning “boredom” as a JUSTIFIED reason for ending a marriage (or it failing). Those same three therapists (and lord knows how many “friends”) made me feel so ashamed of myself for wanting passion and excitement with a woman. If I felt bored and drained when hanging out with a woman, apparently it was my fault for “not appreciating her enough” 🙃
Nobody effing perfect
@@slowrunn3r88 were the 3 TheRapists women?
@@2bituser569 nope, they were all older men
A man isn't complete til he's married.
Then he's finished.
👌🏾👍🏾🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You meant to say... Completely finished...
Nice quotation from a very funny wise woman - Zsa Zsa Gabor.
@@goldeneddie False. Rodney Dangerfield said it.
John rules
Marriage is a garden. If you are both lazy and not proactive to consciously weed and plant seeds, the garden will fester.
The four downfalls of marriage are 1) defensiveness 2) criticism 3) stonewalling 4) contempt
The four supports are the opposite: 1) openness/flexibility (release of fear/pride) 2) being encouraging 3) not being cold 4) compassion
People these days do not possess those positive qualities.
to your point, marriage can be a lot of work, going into marriage thinking that it will be endless bliss is naïve to say the least, lots of challenges and if you are unable or unwilling to face them head on (with the approval and active participation from you spouse) you will likely have a very unhappy marriage.
Thats it. Ill never be married.
Before becoming red pilled i was convinced by my friends and family members that i was missing out unlike them who are all married and now i realize that it's quite the opposite. Almost all married men are living in quiet desperation and they unconsciously try to put marriage and women on a pedestal and when they have convinced others that they are missing out it makes them feel better about there marriages. When you become red pilled and those same men can see how happy you are and that you do not envy them at all they start to become jealous of your lifestyle.
I just left a comment on this video about how many therapists of mine would relentlessly pressure me to find a woman and marry her, even if I wasn’t attracted or excited by her.
I think your comment hits it spot on - they wanted to make themselves feel better because they grew up in a time where marriage was “the thing you do,” so now they envy independence of happily single men (and happily single people in general)
My sister was complaining about how bad appliances were now. "It used to be you would get a toaster for a wedding gift and it would last the whole marriage. Now its broken in three years." I said, "Yeah, that's about a whole marriage now also."
"Mind-numbing monogamy" - I can see which camp she's personally in.
Scottish Clansman ya, the cheating camp
@@overlyfatman9722 i agree with "dumb"!i saw a lot of dumb bitches
Yup. Married people shaming single people is nothing new. She just wants to sell more of her books by giving this talk.
For me, marriage is learning how to be patient and compromising, and doing it with someone I can't see my life without. Nothing more and nothing less.
I will definitely have kids but still internally debating if the whole marriage thing is worth it. I just know I’m going to be with her one day and walk by a hotter girl that I’m going to want to bring in bed
@@5000MikeMaster Maybe... You think, you are getting younger?! You think, the hot and fresh will always like you?
Blue TeaTree younger women always will want older men: also I workout hard and consistently and girls also love that so I always feel like I have options
@@5000MikeMaster Maybe. For how long? Is it all about bodies to you? What about connection? To have your own things? To have a past that you can lough at or cry over for that matter? Don't you have standa4ds that a women should meet other then physical? Aren't funny, smart, caring... sexy to you?
Compromising? 😂
Marriage is over and men aren't going back.
Then Jesus Christ is not Lord.
@@christusvictor1431 oh yes, he is.
I agree. Marriage is dying an inevitable death.
@ben starllard Jesus Christ is Lord
Feminism has killed marriage
I am truly blessed I know nothing about marriage. For me one of my best decisions.
she says: please waste your life on a woman and dont go mgtow or stay single.
She does do some monogamy shaming...maybe she's a goer. Say no more.
@@urbosasfurry2126 Nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat eh? EH?
@@vincentvargo7850 Nudge, nudge...say no more!
I think she is saying, don't become a feminazi and hate on men because you will eventually regret it as you get fat and can't support yourself.
This talk is to make unhappy married people and divorced people feel better. In my opinion it had no strategies on how to achieve a successful marriage.
Ted is becoming mainstream for having bad speakers now a days.
Amber1999 Take out the marriage part, what do you think are strategies for a successful relationship?
Keo Jin right, since quantity matters to quality....
Amber1999 Because there are no strategies. Either it works or it doesn't. For 2 people, with 2 different personalities and backgrounds to be able to live and function together for decades is extremely rare, and getting married won't help that at all. A marriage is nothing but a celebration and a title. It has literally no effect on your overall relationship, and its about time men, but perhaps women especially, started realizing this.
toasteh
Very good analysis. One thing you forgot is marriage is just a financial contract and financial insurance if divorce occurs. Governments want it by providing tax credits incentives, but the breadwinner still financially support the other after divorce unless a prenup is sign. People cheat in marriages so it's not a promise commitment that are kept, and you don't need a marriage to make a long term commitment either. ;)
God, this is a pointless talk, just to brag about her marriage.
It sure did turn out that way didn’t it. She got completely off track.
Big Dog was Matt Damon ever married??!
Yeah, it just like you have a damned smart brainless.
@@willowsullivan6121 You would think someone would have mentioned that before she went on stage. It makes me wonder what exactly are the criteria for Ted talks, and is anyone considering continuity?
So true
"Only women, children and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provide something.”
So if for some reason you lose the ability to provide, expect the divorce papers soon.
Oh Pedro was your lady mean to You?
@@jandrews6254 wait for yours :)
Now talk about the stats on: no fault divorce, infidelity, paternity fraud, sexless marriages, alimony, child support, division of assets, and lawyer fees.
Have you divorced or been married? Do you have first hand experience?
Jane Baker statistics work just as well as experience. It’s good to learn from mistakes but they don’t have to be your own.
kandycid100 exactly
Jane Baker never married, no kids because I’ve reviewed the dire national stats and my mom is on her 5th marriage and my dad had 5 kids, 4 different women, and was divorced twice.
Right all those problems come with marriage.
I used to work ( in my trade job ) with all males. i think one female in the office ( that we never saw ) i remember one guy asked me " Why aren't you married, Why should you be the happy one" Those words stuck with me & happy to say, i'm still single & very happy indeed.
"People that smile in childhood photographs are less likely to get a divorce" 😂😂
Jason Brown I agree. That’s the dumbest s..t I have never heard.
She is so dumb. She doesn't know the difference between causation and correlation.
Marriage never lasts, loyalty no longer exists, there is no shame in cheating, and that is sad.
Women are encouraged to work on their careers before getting married, so you'd have to find a needle in haystack virgin over 23 who never gave in since she hit puberty.
Harley Ashwood exactly.
Not true
@@harleyashwood7965 I actually wish i HAD gotten my RN before marrying him because now we fight about money, and he is not motivated enough to work overtime like I did when I bought my own land at age 20. And I have a house kit here, that I need help putting up (a dome kit, failry simple). But everything is a burden to him because it's work he didn't want. I could have paid some reliable worker friends to help me but I didn't finish that RN. RN's get paid well. He had joked at first 16 years ago that I would be working while he would be sitting home taking care of the church needs. But he pulled me out of school (one more semester, I would have been done) and made me go to work as an LPN, which limited where I could work (100+ miles away). and limited my earnings. And now we are stuck because he was never responsible with money. SO yes I should have gotten my RN> We would both have been in a better position. ( no children, We married in our 40's). I love him very much. So no divorce here.
@@whisperingsage Why didn't you fight harder on the Rn? I'd imagine making more to be a very good point
this was pointless. TED talks quality is going downhill fast.
Are you sure that you're just not hating because it says things that you don't like? I think that the wife being skinnier is true, based on my own experience.
I've seen from my own parents and from their friends that marriages that don't end in divorce have a skinny wife. The husband didn't always gain a lot of weight like my dad, but the wives were usually skinny. But, it was at least 1 out of 3 where the husband got a big belly at some point in marriage.
Yet, marriages with fat or obese women married to skinny men tend to end in divorce initiated by the wife. I have also seen this growing up with my uncles.
It could be the fact that fat women tend to get married to poor men, or that fat women are harder to please. But, I think that there is something to learn here.
+Michael Adkins No, he's right. What's the point of this video? Skinny wife, fatter husband is the secret to marriage?
The quality isn't going downhill - there are just a boat load more TED talks out there, and a ton more "TED" conferences (since you can have a TEDx that isn't only rich or famous people) so the quality is the same there's just more.
And you're comparing someone no one's ever heard of to Al Gore and Ken Robinson.
+Damaso Rodriguez the point is learn to live alone.
"Are you sure that you're just not hating because it says things that you don't like?" Yes... We are sure. And no, there is nothing to learn here. Oi vey...
"Marriage is a great institution but who wants to live in an institution?" Graucho Marx
SPELL GROUCHO'S NAME CORRECTLY, YOU IGNORAMUS.
@@peterjandros2173 ignoramus? I bet you dont even know about joe .
well, yeah, you can't stay in mom's womb hold forever.....that would be ridiculous...robert downey jr proved this
@@entertainedsheep7668 who’s joe
@@negalgg5372 Joe mama !
“Getting married is to halve one’s rights and double one’s duties.” -A. Schopenhauer
Where do I go to get the 11 minutes and 17 seconds of my life back?
actually there is a big difference between married and happily married
Yep. The surviving partner from an happy marriage will be much sadder for the rest of his life, than if he was single, once his spouse has died...
AW Crowe so few words but so deep
@@smartcatcollarproject5699 my Dad survived Mom by 25 years and still had his wedding ring on when he died
Mom's pic hung over his bed and he said goodmorning and goodnight to her every day until he died I love them both.
@Alexander Jenkins thankyou i miss him like crazy
Yeah happily married is code for "I surrender dear, you can have whatever u want, i'm not even gonna fight it anymore". Married is the Woman's way of saying "I got him"
MGTOW is growing like wildfire
Father No And feminism killed it!
I listen to everything she had to say and still did not hear any real benefits for a man to get married.
@rvhron08 this is true thanks for joining the party
@Alpha Strong42 there are unicorns out there but they're a dying breed and few and far in between
Agreed.
There is any benefit ...
BOSS HOGG yess I’m still like okay 🤣
I want my 11:17 minutes back!!!!
Me too😂
Wake up! She is an author looking to get publicity to sell more books. Every TED talk is either someone who wants to sell you something, promote their company or promote their social media. It is just like watching veiled commercials.
My wife and I agree that the toilet paper goes over the top, so we're still married
benedictify Same here, both over all the way
benedictify c
Same and yesterday was our 25th wedding anniversary.
We only change the system, when a kitten is in the house.
Same here, going on 14.
Over the top? You fucking perverts!
“He buys a ring, she buys a dress”. Sounds fair.
Mike MakesRight: and all the stuff (ring & dress) go to the woman 🤦🏾♂️
*He buys the ring, the house, the car, the jewelry*
Nothing 4 the due!
lol notice how females be defending her every where else in the comments but here...….
Actually, she got the dress on credit, and the man pays it off. He buys the ring, dress, house, vacations, ... everything.
Married guys do not really live longer. It just feels a lot longer for them.
I do encourage you to remain single and have a vasectomy
yo😂😂😂😂
Sooooooo, she’s basically bashing men, while making the snowflakes in the audience laugh?
tampajohn I noticed that too
Kenneth Faulk source for that statistic?
and every'joke' was predictable and ho hum
rick morgan precisely.
True
I offered to renew our bond in 2009 through a program of intimacy building exercises and games, she declined. I tried to make the best of it for another seven years but finally left in 2016. It was wrenching, but now I am happy and peaceful.
Awwww
This talk was all over the place. Couldn't find a clear point or goal.
it was pretty much a girl telling you what causes her and other women to break up with their better halves. shes just saying if you both dont give up on the sexual attraction which initiated your "acquaintance" via going to the gym and try to make your life about the commonality of it (like your kids,pets, house, whatever) you will have a longer and healthier relationship. she also says that chicks dig it when you help them out so fucking do it. its not worth her starting an argument over. however, this was all said with a bias opinion from someone whose relationship worked out because both parties seemed to have pursued it. there is no telling what will happen if the relationship was started for ill reasons like money, strictly physical appeal & what not. then all this "advice" doesn't apply.
RickyTomatoes, don't get married. Was that simple enough.
Because she was practicing her 'stand up" routine.
She's a comedian that spouts scientific findings.
i spent most of it trying to figure out if this is jenny mccarthys daughter or something, the topic of the talk would fit
I'm married and we're very happy! Just because someone's experience didn't go well doesn't mean that will happen to you
The reason I want to stay married is so I can make sweet love to my woman and with her only. She knows how much she means for me and I wont act like I am more than I have to be for her. I will make her feel things she can never get from any other man because what I give her, is only for her. When we both grow old together and have seen beter years I will remind her she was the one who did it for me. She had a way of laying me down and comforting my anxieties and keeping me safe from hurting myself further. She made me the man I was supposed to be and I am incomplete without her.
Did she make you write this 😅
You,..Sir,..are a true romantic....you must have a loving and giving birth sign...and be compatible with your wife...amazing!!
TED has really lowered its standards. This presentation was less about informing and more about entertaining with comic relief. I kept waiting for the "meat" of the presentation - some deeper reason to make the marriage commitment. All I heard were glib statistics - make sure your husband is fatter than you, exercise, don't hang around too many envious divorced people, don't watch romantic comedies, etc. Then she finished it by bragging about her husband. Yeah, the guy's hot, but what is that supposed to teach me about marriage?
Actually, I believe she hid one of the key reasons marriages last. Focus on the positives. But I don't mean in general like she referred to but specifically being thankful and telling them so about all the ways your spouse enriches your lives. Every. Day. When you are thankful for that special someone, all of their faults don't seem so huge, in fact, they don't seem to bother you very much at all. Not saying that you don't like them sometimes. But you like them so much more. And I think it's more important that spouses like each other and are friends, then to be "in love". Now maybe I am not an expert. This coming day before Valentine's Day is our 19th. Not very long. But I think positivity as thankfulness is a very big key.
Totally agree with you duncan
Agree. This was more comic relief than real talk. Nasty start with the wife being thinner than the husband. Terrible talk.
This is exactly her point! After all this research and studies about marriages, the "secrets" to a successful marriage are actually issues that seem trivial or glib. We are often on a search for some rare and esoteric guiding truth, but in reality it's as simple as staying fit and managing expectations (by not watching romantic comedies)
Gndlrbo
MARRIED men LIVE longer? IT JUST SEEMES LONGER!
Married men live longer? Yeah so does a house cat. It lives long and miserable longing for the outside but the owner keeps it inside.
That is an old fable. There is no statistical evidence of that whatsoever.
@ Actually it was a near lie. The stats included bachelors AND married VS divorced. Divorced men especially lived shorter lives than men still married at death AND shorter lives than men that never married. It also left out how older people were more likely to just be "separated", especially in advanced age, so you get this group of married but estranged old people skewing the numbers, if anyone was dumb enough to assume "married" indicated a continuing relationship or having any relationship at all.
@@Endoptic .... "IT"? What is "IT"? I don't believe any such study or survey because they are ALL biased towards marriage. It is impossible to remove bias from such a study or survey. Especially if women or government interest are involved.
BS
I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years, and each year is better than the last. When it’s the right person it just works.
Thank me later. Here's her point:
0:01 prelude to marriage
1:54 statistically half of marriages split within a decade
- the other half, still struggle with their relationship
2:30 what makes a marriage not work (stats), disrespect, bordom, affair ...
2:41 yet, even without that, divorce can still happen
2:59 what makes a successful marriage?
3:52 wife (woman) is thinner and better looking than husband (man),
yet woman don't necessarily need to diet, just need to be relatively thinner than the husband
4:38 they focus on the positive, complement than complaints and critiques
5:15 husband sharing house chore
5:47 people who smiled in childhood photos show longetivity in marriage
6:57 safeguard marriage: don't win oscar for best actress (social success & fame of woman)
7:22 watching romantic comedy (comparing life to holiwood superficial happyness)
7:57 drinking alcohol
8:10 divorce is contageous (close friend splits increases your chance's up to 75%)
8:45 benefits of marriage (social, personal, biological) outweigh the risk
10:05 use personal strengths to navigate healthy marriage/relationships
personal risk(-) & strength factors(+):
husband is lean than self (-)
have friends who divorced (-)
drink alcohol (-)
have smiling childhood pictures (+)
husband share house chores (+)
won't see romantic comedy (+)
won't win oscar (+)
I never felt so alone as when I was married. I felt like a stranger in my own house.
Wow...twice divorced , and you have hit on what I've been searching for...I always said to myself "how can you love someone when you don't love yourself?"
You're saying the same thing only in a way to really resolve it within ourselves. Thank you
I am not sure what universe she lives in, but it is not the same one I am in...
It’s been said that you don’t know what love is until you been married for about 25 years, then you have a resume you can talk about!
...I wonder if there's a correlation between all the bitter comments and the rising levels of loneliness in modern society.
***** You live in the Ukraine? What's that like? I'll go to Google Earth and search around in the Ukraine cities and streets (Russia too) .. I can see why you drink so much Vodka.
I agree...no one took this as tongue and cheek. People are literally looking for marriage advice on CZcams!!! holyfuck.
Agreed. Lame.
Tross Theboss this is a really stupid comment because there is A LOT of valid advice on CZcams, and it's probably 2nd best place to look for it. Tons of professionals are on here giving free advice.
so can anyone give a ted talk these days? how do i sign up to stand up there and blabber about nothing?
Kat B exactly
Start a blog
Yep, they used to be really interesting now it's just blah blah blah.
I thought I was the only one who thought it was more of a "look at me and how well I'm doing" session rather than a teachable experience for both single and married people alike. Disappointing
Wake up! She is an author looking to get publicity to sell more books. Every TED talk is either someone who wants to sell you something, promote their company or promote their social media. It is just like watching veiled commercials.
Getting married is bad for your marriage.
I have been with my wife for 27 years and still love her and want to be with her. My secret? Be willing to admit it when you are wrong and apologize and ask her to do the same. This whole talk did NOTHING for me.
unspunnewz , good for you..✌
This is so true
Your comment did nothing because its completely broad and ignores other factors that not every couple can or will have.
young man listens to this advice, is willing to admit he is wrong. Is patient and works at relationship. goes MGTOW after 3 years of dating today's women.
NEVER admit you are wrong. She WILL use it against you!
Did she ever apologise for her own mistakes ? 😂😂😂
This talk is confusing, she spends the first 9 minutes saying how bad marriage is, then the last 2 minutes says there are a couple perks and she recommends perusing marriage. This was terribly done, no helpful information or insights, unclear message, no offense to her I'm sure she is a nice lady but this was not worthy of a TED.
95TurboSol You totally missed the point. She's making the argument that even with those 9 minutes of bad parts, the 2 minutes of good parts makes it worth it
95TurboSol I think you don’t watch any other TED videos, I don’t think even TED is worthy of TED anymore.. 😂
She was making the point that most people have misconceptions on what marriage actually is. People believe marriage is just happiness for ever. That it means not fighting, loving spending every moment together, that you will never have problems.
The truth is, you will have all of those, but your attitude is important. If you are negative you can't be happy. Your attitude plays a huge role on how you perceive situations and thus affects your level of satisfaction.
Obviously this does not apply in abusive situations as that's a bad situation no matter your attitude.
I was coming to write basically the exact same thing. I kept waiting, waiting, and waiting for some information. This is no different than someone telling me why the prefer a Chevy truck over Ford with no information. It just feels like it's all feelings, and no facts.
95TurboSol it’s HUMOR: that’s all, class “A” irony, haute entertainment.
People have complicated the whole marriage progam. Marriage is the legal binding of 2 people to explore without boundries themselves and each other.
Very few couples actually understand this concept and thus grow stale with ingrained beliefs and traditions. Finding that life partner is a huge challenge, finding the ''she'll or he'll do'' is what mostly happens.
A healthy mind explores, a sick mind is a closed operation.
I look into the comments and I'm proud that the MGTOW movement is alive and well. Keep it up brothers.
@J Sev who said anything about angry ? they simply put themselves first instead of second ( how can u possibly go wrong doing that ??) and gone on there own new journey ….. trust me there's very little anger for females once they have swopped that boring pension for two and got the yacht and bike instead.
Be a man! The only solution is MGTOW
@J Sev so 2 wrongs make a right then?
MGTOW is great best move I ever made, it’s not for everyone but it works for me.
J Sev i think he is actually really happier single.
I was married so I know everything about marriage. DO NOT DO IT!!!
There's no reason to. If you love someone and want to be with them for the rest of your life, then just continue loving them and being with them for the rest of your life. There's no good reason to involve a contract with the government with it.
Thanks Nick! Well said
Because you know every person in the world and you are the ultimate authority on relationships? Look up Mark Gungor's Marriage Seminar. It was much funnier and practical than this. I'm in my second marriage. First was Ok for a year, and then he got drinking and meth using and killed himself with two strokes from meth damage. I loved him but it took me many years to accept that he probably never loved me. He was Fetal Alcohol damaged. My second hubby is sweet and funny but a child, but I love him.
@@heycheckthisout2565 my exact thoughts
Okay God. Everything? Everything?
Margaret Mead suggested a long time ago to have marriage as a short term contract. For example, a couple marries for three years which ends or continues if the couple chooses to signup for three more.
How about "till our youngest child graduates do we part"?
This makes marriages useless for women. Something like that (even if completely reasonable) would never be feasible
Firstname Secondname Not feasible, why not? Married couples renew their vows all the time. Both have to decide to continue being married or not after a pre agreed period of time. It takes two to Tango.
@@OGLOCK69 It needs to last at least 3-5 years past the youngest child graduating from high school, so the mother can get back into a career.
@@stargazer2042 from your words it sounds like the mother gets custody of the child 100% of the time, why? why does the father not take the child and then the mother can be right off to her career or whatever, just mention it in the contract. say flip a coin after the 5 years for custody or something, i imagine at 5 years of age u don't need to be breastfed anymore so...
Do not marry someone who takes a light-hearted TED talk seriously.
@bla blahblah Selflessness is a highly sought commodity, regardless of gender.
Stay single men.
@J Leicht sadly i don't see any benefits from being a parent ... all what i see nowadays a parents are struggling to give thier children a decent life and a disgreatful children who just good at trashing thier parents ... why would you drain your money and age for the children ... in our society the parents are shown as monsters by the state and our culture overall ... call me a bad person or whatever you want but I personally don't like the children soo much ... i would like to invest for something else ...at least the good thing"for the children " that people like me won't be a bad father for them since i will never be a father anyway
Stay single, women. Too many narcissists in society, or men who worship them, presently.
All men must be single
No
@J Leicht It's not just the USE, Korea and Japan are getting worried of their next generation
Hey guys... Remember: Your pockets won't jingle if you don't stay single.
My wife is responsible for our best investments during our 30 year marriage. We were talking about it the other day and she asked me 2 questions. 1) Should we sell one of the properties and 2) what kind of boat do i want. Do you guys exclusively date recent parolees?
Randy Fricke nuff said
Stop stealing my last name.
it's actually the other way around .... single people are usually poorer than married people
@@pablorages1241 What is the causality behind that? Are they well off because they are married? Or are they married because they are well off? Regardless of which it is the single man is more likely to have money and time to spend on himself.
MY girlfriend had 4 mental diagnosis. I did everything perfectly but got blamed for anything and everything. This talk is useless to me. If your partner does not appreciate and reciprocate. Nothing will save the relationship. Thanks for nothing.
Yup, no one is out there teaching men to have standards and boundaries. So men end up with quiet and desperate lives, becoming empty and apathetic
ACE Nick Well, marrying someone with a mental disorder is a bit of a gamble. Marrying someone with FOUR mental issues is a game that you can never win so don’t even try.
Your life and love are not a charity.
Let me guess. Anxiety, depression, bipolar and borderline personality disorder? Let me know if I'm right...
@@Rockoblocko Spot on
Hey Ace. We all make mistakes. Before you di€k your next girl make her take a psychological eval then go from there. Most guys marry a woman without so much as asking "does insanity or incest run in your family?" then get all victimey when things go bad. You wont know if you dont ask. Better luck next time.
Anyone else kinda weirded out at all the subtle (and not so subtle) suggestions towards adultery and open relationships here?
Jep... It's part of spreading more moral corruption among society... Our society is getting morally rotten because of people like this woman 🤦
Damn great to know others think the same as me
Whether married or not, there will always be problems in relationships.
Yea I can tell she's sleezy. I wonder how much she cheats on her husband.
I pay very little attention to “what studies say”
There are actually some very good studies but none of them were cited here.
Some people actually have morals and live happy marriages. I mean they aren't perfect but they respect each other and actually thought out how they would spend they're lives together.
other people also have morals, only different
When one person makes another person slowly feel like dirt, that is not a marriage to stay in. When one person purposely uses words to trigger a jealousy response from another person, that is not a marriage to stay in.
Morals have their place, but staying in an abusive relationship is not a good choice. Every marriage divorce is situational.
You don't understand the problem. It has NOTHING to do with the people. It has everything to do with the legal system that has been changed to the point where a man has NO chance to keep the marriage because it is NOT up to him and 75 to 80% of the divorces are by the woman. For a man to get married it is like writing a blank check on a contract that he cannot change but she can change her part of the contract at any time for any reason and without explaining why. NOT a good deal for the man.
wow she really knows nothing about marriage
Nothing...
@@rolfinator1 crazy hot matrix lol loved that and so true.
tobias: what do you know about marriage? either you are divorced, unhappily married or have never been married. but that all means you know nothing about doing marriage correctly?
@@givmespace - LOL ...you criticize tobias yet you are living under the illusion (and self-delusion) that there is a "correct" way to "do" marriage. You should listen to yourself! LOL
As of this year, 45% - 50% of marriages end in divorce.
So basically flip a coin on whether you and your significant other will still be together 5- 10 years after you marry. I don't like those odds.
53, never married,no kids. ME --->😁
It takes work. 16 years. married in our 40's. Second time around.
wise man
Married people have make more money... so the wife can spend it.
or they have voracious kids. if you breed them you got to feed them, about $200,000 until 18, not including college or university
@@sussanalee430 $28 per day to feed a kid, no wonder they are so fat nowadays...
Do you think it makes a difference who you marry? Is it possible to be attracted to the wrong person? I'd recommend you dress and live as a woman and find out how easy we have it.
This woman is confused about why her marriage has lasted that long that shouldn't have, and she is confusing everyone listening to her.
Bottom line is, she's rich. number 1 factor in any relationship going sour, any crime happening, any child abuse any homicide is poverty.
it's easy to feel financially safe and then speculate about how your happiness is because of something you're doing right.
+J Nielsen Tomer This sounds true
+J Nielsen Tomer Hindsight bias.
best comment ever
J Nielsen Tomer, when the money runs out, most women don't stick around.
J Nielsen Tomer Thank you
I thought this was a bad stand up comedy routine until I saw the Ted logo.
Yup ...I agree senseless
Me too.
Ha. I was just gonna say that!
8:25 divide their assets?
You she could remember correctly it was probably more like dividing his assets.
She clearly has never been with a Narcissist
She was the narcissist. Rocking those thigh high boots though!
lemon lemon the whole presentation was for the presenter to obtain her narcissistic supply.
clearly is a narcissist
We live in an over sexualized culture where partners dump each other easily for the selfish needs they have. Bad times exist but with many, they are not patient enough to endure that bad time and choose to run away instead.
Exactly the way I feel.
Reasonable statement.
You are a coward for bowing to societies pressure of getting married. Weak and codependent.
This has to be one of the least interesting Ted talks I've ever watched (and not because of the subject). The speaker doesn't bring any real information to bear on the subject; she merely performs a rehearsed comedy routine while walking the audience through the findings of singular, outlying studies. Real science is about verification through repetition, and the practice of holding one singular study's findings up as "science says that..." is corrosive not only to scientific endeavor but society as a whole.
I think we need to make sure this type of performance finds no sure footing in the world of Ted talks.
@Margaret McEvoy I am happily married to an INTP.
(Not that it is any of your business.)
I got halfway through and it wasn't funny enough to keep me interested either.
There are different types of talks. I felt like she gave the fact and stats and allowed us make whatever we want out of it. Which I feel is better than telling us what to do cos no one really knows
@Margaret McEvoy As if MBTI has any credibility...
@@victoryobosi4641 What facts and stats? None of the benefits she describes require more than a 5-second Google search to figure out. This is a lazy talk that never even considers some of the major criticisms that've been levied against marriage. This video would fit right in with the bs on PragerU.
I’m 44, never been married. Although in my 20’s I wanted to and have a family. It was how we did where I came from. Especially from a big Italian family. My parents divorced when I was a child. So I wanted to do it better then them. And grow old with someone like my great grandparents did. It was a different time then. All my friends my age woman and men are either divorced or miserable in a marriage. I also realized as I got older most of my friends parent and some of my family members were doing or feeling the same. I feel I’ve dodged a lot of headache not going down that path. I’ve had some great long term relationships and many many flings in between. For me that works best. I can’t imagine a lifelong commitment to someone now especially this day in age. If life was like the 80’s still maybe I’d give it a go.
I am 45 and never married either. I am an only child and my parents been married 47 years. Older I get thr more difficult i find dating and relationships. Cannot imagine marriage.
I am 24 and I don't even wanna think about marriage given the social media era and just how selfish and use-oriented people are.
Marriage: A mixture of bad tempers during the day and evil smells during the night.
How accurate is this hahahaha
This was pretty trashy for a TEDx talk. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty fun, but I want to watch TEDx for things that make me think, not laugh.
all these talks are there to brainwash the public....you won`t find any truth in them
This Ted talk was about: look at me, am I just the cutest, and smartest little Teddie girl ever?? Blah, blah, blah, thanks for nothing
Thanks for the heads up. I'm going to cut my losses and not finish watching this. I wanted to learn something real and useful.
so true...8 minutes ill never get back,,not even accurate..and contradictory
1000% agreed. She made all (most of )the video about her.
When I saw a woman talking to men about marriage, I knew this would be hilarious
yupz talking about BullS#it and svove it to audience
any chance to put men down? eh?
Precision penaltyshot: They’re wasting their time. Nobody wants to buy a used car. Everybody’s looking for new and reasonably priced.
You hate women yet you want to get married?
@@Aven-Sharma1991 Just stay away from Feminists or Liberals and make sure she doesn't have Tinder installed on her phone.
Hence, the sole reason why Men and Women should NEVER EVER take relationship advice from women...NEVER!!!
So defmonful hows your relationship going? What’s your advice
Sarah bearah avoid marriage and co-inhabiting with a woman of possible.
Women want the richest man they can attract. Men want the most attractive woman they can afford....OOOHHH, FUGGEDABOUTIT!!
True
Never pay attention to what women say, only what they do. You will quickly realize they are stupid and have no idea about anything.
Stay single my friends.
This is a TedTalk? facepalm.
Ted x
It’s the most self centered Ted talk I have ever heard.
SUPER stupid...
what you expect einstein?
LiberalTalk
So you basically want me to sleep around, stay single & one day wake up all alone & old with zero chance of finding a decent man?
Thanks for the great advice 🙄
Good comment!!
Cheetah 6 take marriage out of the equation & she still basic wants people to sleep around, not stay in a committed relationship & the end result is always people ending up sad & lonely x
Women have no morals, so they need someone to tell them what to do. Today's women don't want that. The last thing women want is a good man. They want an exciting man.
Cheetah 6 so how have you come to that conclusion exactly?
No, you're too old already. Just get a good maid job for a rich guy, develop excellent character, and then maybe he'll take good care of you.
Is this part of the dumbing down process now? It’s more like bad stand up
She is just trying to sell her books by getting more publicity. Same with all TED talks really...