What To Do When Your Ex Wants To Be Friends
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- čas přidán 4. 09. 2024
- Clay Andrews discusses what to do when your ex wants to be friends with you.
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In this video we're addressing the topic of what to do when your ex wants to stay friends after a breakup.
This can be a confusing time as you try to figure out if you've been put in the friend zone or not. Now, there are a lot of people concerned about being in the friend zone with their ex. After all, your ex may have even directly said that they aren't attracted to you anymore.
However, this shouldn't stop you from agreeing to be friends with your ex. After all, your ex is likely still attracted to you, but the negative emotions that they have toward you, due to your history together, may be what is actually blocking the attraction from running its course and bringing the two of you together again.
So, most likely, it would help you to agree to be friends with your ex so that you can actually have a stronger emotional connection and work on removing those negative emotions so that you can get back together.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices.
My wife and partner of some 17 years plus asked if we could remain friends. She wanted the split not me. I declined and said that it had to be a divorce and go our separate ways with no future contact. I don't even want her to know what part of the Country I move to after our estate has been divided. This isn't because I don't adore her, it's because I do.
Good luck brother! Keep your chin and work on living the life you always wanted to live! Work on making a Magnum Opus of your life!
How does that make sense?
@@erxfav3197 I think it's because it would hurt him too much to see her.
cutting the lines of communication with her stops any chance you have at re attracting her, making her respect you. making her love you again . your brave man I was with mine 12 years she broke it up im still communicating with her so watch this space :) good luck man
I completely understand how you feel its really difficult to be just a friend with some one you love !
If I can't trust you as a lover, how can I trust you as a friend? Why would I want you as a friend?
I feel that if you really want your ex back, you need to first heal from the break up.
That's correct. :-)
Are you kidding me? Lol I did exactly this and she ended up meeting another guy when I agreed to the friendship
She wanted to be friends to n I agreed still hopping we can fix things
She wants to have it both ways so she can avoid any semblance of discomfort. Just cut her off, she isn’t worthy of your friendship just as she obviously sensed that you aren’t worthy of being her partner.
Trust me, you’re only hurting yourself by going along with it.
@@user-rs4gr9yq4u you are sooo right man I know I gotta cut her off but it’s soo hard to do soo she already talking wit another guy she moved on sooo fast!
Cus they're freaking whor3s ....
Just dumped my guy 3-5 days ago after his bs . .
I'm back on no contact & ready to walk away.
I'm sure he's in tons of other whor3s faces & body already ...🫠🙃😔
But I refuse to be friends, he doesn't deserve 💩 from me, not my presence, voice, text, call, space anything since he can't appreciate me🫡💯‼️
@@emanuelrodriguez10 was she really right for you then?
Sorry clay but I can't be friends with someone who dumped me. Its like prolonging the pain hoping they will come back. I prefer no contact to minimum contact so I can get over her faster. I do no contact for me not in hopes of her coming back.
If the woman says Let's be friends. .it's always been the kiss of death for me. Never has this turned the relationship around. My ex left me 8 months ago after 17 years together. Am still broken hearted.
I'm sorry to hear about that, James. We understand that healing takes time. We hope that you are doing small steps each day to heal and do things that makes you happy. Sending more positive energies on your end.
@@ClayAndrews I am trying but it still hurts.. even a man in his late 60s still feels the pain as a teenager . Thanks for all that you do for us !
Your ex is an evil. Worth discarding
I could never be friends with an ex.. there an ex for a reason so who needs friends like that… when I’m done I’m done…
In almost every case you are 100% right but the girl I am dealing with we tried twice and now I have just about completely lost interest in having her in my life romantically at all but I still consider her a friend. But if it’s not what you want don’t ever settle for friendship
This is flat out lying to your ex and to yourself!
Thank you for watching this video. I hope you're doing as best you can with all the challenges and turmoil we're facing in the world. Take care and remember to take things one day at a time.
Love this
He wants to be “friends” but he still tickles me and flirts... 🤷🏻♀️
There is nothing wrong being friends. But you should know what healthy boundaries to take as well. :-)
Clay Andrews I agree. I’ve been thinking about what my boundaries should be. I’ve got a pretty good idea about it, but I don’t want my feelings for him to hinder me. I love this guy and he knows it. He came over last night after I got home from work. It was a surprise visit. He had been texting me off and on throughout the evening while I was at work asking how work was going, how I was doing, just making small talk. It’s as if things are starting all over again...
Clay Andrews what healthy boundaries?
My ex told me he wants to be friends because, mentally he is not ready for a relationship right now. In my head I was confused but he said he wants to focus on work and reach his goal and told a friend that I was low-key draining him but yet he wanted to be like bestfriends.
HI Tatjana, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. it sounds like the relationship is slowly bringing so much negative energies and the space between the two of you could be an opportunity to reset and gain both of your emotional balance back. Have your checked the Ex Solution Program? This might help you on y our journey >> www.modernlove.life/esp
it happened to me tho. im so lost and broken when he said that. 🥺 and aftter awhile he came back offering to become friends.
If you don’t accept his terms and conditions you have every right to say no thanks and be in your way. He has to deal with his bullshit before laying it someone else and expecting them to put up with it.
Soooo true!!! I am exactly in this situation! He wants us to be friends but I definitely know it is because he needs to process all the hurt, he needs time to restart the relationship.. I still feel that he has feelings for me but as Clay says it is the high intensity of the emotions that puts us apart... If this person means the world to you, you will be patient and wait enough time and work meanwhile to be connected and to restart the relationship. Nowadays I think people are so into immediate gratification and saving their ego that they are unwilling to make any sacrifices for their significant other....
Agree re the emotional block Clay talks about. All my exes had to do a brain wipe/wash on themselves in order to break it off. That's my theory, anyway. None of my exes were attracted to me after, or were able to block it. Some said they were even turned off or "repelled" by me. And nothing changed. No weight gain, all my own teeth, same height, maybe a little less hair, but nothing major, except for getting older, of course. Not much I can do about that. And this is for long-term relationships, including ones where we lived together! Oh, and none of them wanted to be friends. I think mainly because they wanted a clean break and needed time to heal and move on, which I get. I needed the same, of course! They sensed that, so there was also that pressure of expectations, etc. Too weird.
And here's the thing: I NEVER abused/mistreated any of these partners. At least not in the usual, conventional sense. Never cheated, never belittled, never betrayed, never gas-lighted, never restricted or tried to control them. I accepted them for them. I was far from perfect, but there weren't the usual things that undermine trust and safety. But in their minds, there were things I did, or didn't do, and they told me they simply "fell out of love," "didn't FEEL IT anymore," or "wanted other things," or wanted me to give up my music, my art, my friends, etc. My last ex left me because I didn't walk away from a music project I'd worked on for a year and spent a ton of money on and was 90% of the way done. I also didn't take her to Paris, like I promised, so that was a deal-breaker. I felt badly about that. My two-cent advice: NEVER make promises. And if you do, keep them. Always.
And the key here is it doesn't matter what it was: if they feel not honored or cherished, or feel betrayed in ANY way, don't feel safe, game over. It doesn't matter what your take is on their emotions, their rationale. That's their stuff, their baggage. It's valid for them, and, because you're intertwined in a relationship, it becomes your reality as well. Game over. As Clay says, you can't tell anyone to "get over their emotions" and do what you'd like to do, what you'd like them to do.
Anyway, I totally defer to Clay on this. He's worked with hundreds, if not thousands, of people, so if he says something is USUALLY true, it is! But in MY experiences, I've never seen the attraction last or continue. My experience only. Though I wonder if anyone else has experienced this?
Again, I'm sure my partners got to that "non-attracted place" by erasing that attraction, chemistry, etc. in their psyche. As Clay discusses.
Also, I agree with Clay about the "expectations" piece. While I didn't hear from them about this, I am all but certain they worried I had an expectation of getting back together, because I did! Ha ha! So it was good for me to NOT be a friend. I was emotionally unable to pull that off. So that was a good thing to separate and have no contact. I know that people break up and get back together again, but in 40 years in the relationship trenches, both mine and observing many others, the great majority of couples that break up do NOT get back together again. Or maybe they do, only to confirm their initial instincts (and issues) were correct and break up again.
Typically, there was one partner who really wanted to reunite, but not in the cards.
The bittersweet thing for me is my last love was my great love. We traveled the world together, we had the same sense of humor, we got each other's jokes, we punned, we read the same books, loved the same movies, TV shows, MUSIC! food, and so many things. We liked and got along with each other's family members. (How huge is THAT? HUGE!) We hiked. We hung out and rarely had conflict. We talked about it all. We were intellectually sympatico. I really believed we were friends - and we were friends first, for more than two years before we got together - as well as lovers. And there was love. Passionate love. For me, there still is love. Four+ years later. I still miss her so much, every day, but I couldn't just be friends and watch her be with other men, get married perhaps, etc. In my heart, I would always be holding out some hope she'd return to us, knowing, as we all do, the odds of that happening is 1,000 to one. 100,000 to one. 1,000,000 to one?
I realize that's all on me, but I've tried and can't pull it off. I'm still deeply attracted to her. It would just be weird, sad, and uncomfortable...for both of us, I'm sure.
Intellectually, I agree with Clay that it would be nice to focus on the connection and enjoy each other's company. But too hard for me. Yes, I feel somewhat like a failure that I can't do this. Too many feelings. I'll keep working on it.
I know I'll never see her again. I've never seen any of my ex-girlfriends ever again, even though many told me what a great guy I was, that I'd "set the bar high," would be a "tough act to follow," etc. They literally told me these things. Maybe they just said it out of guilt to make me feel better or to ease the pain. I will never know. But they're all gone. I was obviously not what they call these days "A high-value partner."
But I am high-value for me, and that's pretty dang important. I encourage everyone to work on that. Be high-value for yourself!
And pray really hard for luck.
Because in all the years I've been pursuing relationships, luck plays the greatest role of all in finding that unicorn who won't bail, won't think (and act on the) "grass is greener," and will accept and love you for you. I've only met one partner who was like that and my mistake to break that off. Wah. The things we realize later...
Yes, it sucks that luck plays such a critical role because you could be the most enlightened, woke, secure, wonderful, accepting, mature, safe, loyal, loving partner on the planet, but if you don't happen to meet/find that unicorn, it's all academic.
All I can say is still do all that growth work; first and foremost for yourself, and secondarily, so you can at least be better ready and prepared should you happen to "luck out" and find that unicorn!
Anyway, I'm rooting for her, and all my exes. I want them all to be happy, well, and at peace.
But I can't "just be friends" with my last great love, even though friendship is a wonderful thing.
And from all she conveyed to me (though we know people don't always share all they're really thinking), I don't think she wants to be friends anyway, even if I wanted that. None of them wanted to be friends.
This is one of the reasons I've retired from romantic relationships, going into my fifth year now and doing just fine, thank you. I have wonderful friendships with women and feel very confident I won't lose THOSE friendships. (And if I do, it won't cause major upheavals, grief, losing 40 pounds, not sleeping, etc.) After 40+ years, I'm really tired of losing so many of my best friends. No more.
Great post! And Clay is very generous and kind to allow me, and all of us, to do a little ruminating and sharing on his platform; even those of us who are brevity-challenged.
Good luck everyone!
Agree at this point.
I'm not sure I can stand on the sidelines and whatch her start a new relationship with someone else.
For me she is my THE ONE.
to see her hold hands kiss and do all I hoped for for us as a couple would be like putting a knife into myself and twisting.
I have been separated for 3 years. I love her more than anything. No longer have contact with my 8 year old daughter .
I miss them both every minute of every day.
@@alexbell6527 Man, I am sorry. When you love someone, for life, it's tough to do a Vulcan mind meld or whatever, to tamp down that love and those feelings. It takes time, counseling, willpower, redirection, and even medication. I'm convinced this is one of the main reasons people DO jump quickly into new relationships. It's one of the things we do to distract, mask, transfer those feelings, feel better, even get some kind of vengeance, etc. I totally get it. Though it's only kicking a can down the road and we all know about the success rate of rebound relationships! At the end of the day, it's really all about self-love and self-care, and then putting others ahead of ourselves as much as we can. Think about them, our community, the world. Do good. Share the love. Give some of that love to others who will recognize it, appreciate it, benefit from it.
@Stan stark Hey Stan, thanks for reading my novella! Major points. I responded to your question with another novella. How I roll. But when I hit "REPLY," it disappeared. My hunch is it was too long. But thinking I'll wait and see if it eventually populates or you can see it and I can't. If not, I'll try sending it again. (Yes, I made a copy of it. Ha ha. I have learned to always "back-up" stuff, ya know?) Anyway, I will respond in a bit. Thanks for asking.
Wow, appreciate all of your feelings&opinions,you almost wrote a book there was so much to take in!!
Finally! Some real advice and insight. People are so one dimensional and shallow with the being friends resolution on other channels.
Thanks for the positive feedback. We truly appreciate that. :-)
Nice work, Clay. However, I am not ready yet.
Understandable. Your readiness is important in this process as well.
these always come out at the perfect time I swear
All coaches say that we should reject being friend with your ex.
I prefer not friend with my ex... as long as i still have feeling with him...Big No
Your healing would be a crucial part on whether being friends with an ex would work or would make things worse. I really depends on one's emotional level.
Clay Andrews what do you mean by that?
Your “healing”?
@TheLastManStanding thank you
@@ClayAndrews could you please elaborate on this?
Should we not agree to “friendship” unless we’re “over” them??
Clay, how does this happen when there was a divorce and custody battle. She cheated on me, we caught her on video and the judge awarded me custody. We stayed friends over the years and recently started spending a lot of time together. We stopped after I got jealous that she was going somewhere with her “best guy friend” . She said she needed a break. We haven’t seen each other or talked much in a month. She reached out to see me. I tried to kiss her last night and she pushed me away. I told her I didn’t want to be just friends, a backup or an option. She said she didn’t know how I thought we could reconnect after I took her son from her. We spent the night together 3-4 times (no sex). She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I don’t know what to do…
my ex texted out of the blue saying he has been made redundant and his life is upside down and he is thinking of moving in the future hope we can still be friends I know he is thinking of moving abroad with his make friend as he done nothing but talk about his male friend is going to buy a property in Spain so wish him the best I'm getting on with my own life
What if she's married to someone else but insists we should be friends?
Did this last night, she messaged me to check in and asked if I was up for a chat, her new relationship doesn’t look like it’s going to workout (rebound?)
Spoke for about an hour she seemed adamant about being friend but I just said just see where it goes. So see if any spark could start again. Together for 10 years, she said it was probably karma or she’s not ready for a new relationship but still wants me in her life. But also doesn’t want me to just wait for her, which is why I said let’s just see where it goes and be open and honest with each other so I’m hopeful but still working on myself
I live by your advice. Seriously...
Thank you, Amanda. :-)
I'm no saint, but she broke my heart more than once. I don't regret the children, I regret my choice of the mother. I put up with her and worked hard for 15 years, outside of the children...I have nothing to show for it. She has said and done things, said things about me...she couldn't make do with the things I did, she had to exaggerate it. When that material was used, she'd invent something. I saw and heard how she talked s**t on her " friends "... friends with that? Talk about shallow, I've stepped into deeper puddles..no thank you.
My life is ordered, quiet, predictable, and I love it.
our interction took hit when she told me to just be friends..we still connect..sometimes hours on phone but sometimes it's just doesn't
My ex said she wants to be friends with the possibility of reconnecting in the future, she broke up with me because I wasn't calling her enough/putting in the effort to reach out to her since becoming long distance during quarantine.
Can relate! Stay strong, it's a tough fucking time for everyone
Neal Alexander Armstrong Should I maintain the friendship and see what happens?
How is it going on so far?
My ex said the same thing to me. I’m not sure what to do or think man. This was like a month and a half ago.
Update?
Staying friends works for me.
My breakup happened because of psychological things that I have going on right now. I'm in therapy and agreed on being friends with my ex.
I'm in damage control mode, currently in no contact. But if she texts or calls me I'm focused on building the connection which progresses quite nicely.
Same with me. Good luck man.
How is it going?
@@MVPlayer123 We're in a friendship, kind of. We contact each other, care for each other and so on. I'm building my own life which grows her interest
1 minute finally the video started!!!
Different approach to many. I haven't really moved on doing this in the last year.
Clay I don't know what to do pls... she said she sees me as a friend and she loved our connection but won't see me as anything else besides being friends for the future but want to stay in contact with me, she didn't see it with good eyes when I said to her that I was leaving her cause I couldn't see her as a friend but I stayed as a friend and right now we don't talk that much... pls man help me 😔
defo move on
This is horrible advice. If you want them back give them time to miss you. No contact indefinitely! Allow them to see how life is without you and they'll come back and the choice will be up to you.
If you’re friends then that opens you both up to talking to other people, right??
Hi Shane, whether you are friends or not with your ex, your potential to talk to other people will still be possible. Maybe it's the intent why you wanted to talk to the other people is something that you have to consider.
But is it still possible to do this if you're doing no contact for a bit because you're upset and interacting with them right now (because they got into a rebound) isn't going well (it just makes me feel bad because I still have feelings for them)? I just want to take some time for myself to work on myself and get to a place where I'm not overly upset about the new relationship but I want to be friends with them in the near future (and possibly get back together at some point if possible). Or does going no contact sort of interfere with this tactic giving him time to get closer to his rebound and drift from me and suggest I give up completely?
Either way communication right now with them is hard for me, though he is more than willing to interact with me if I initiate it (because I told him I needed space).
Funny enough, I'm in the same boat as you. Since they're in a rebound, best thing you can do is focus on yourself until you're good and ready to reconnect with your ex. If you want to get back with him, know that it may take a while or may never happen at all depending on how you reacted shortly before and after he got into a rebound and the length/quality of said relationship. It might not be the answer you want to hear, but that's how it's going to be for the time being. Either way don't force yourself into a situation you're not comfortable with.
Hope this helps and stay strong 🙂
Loved It!
Ty for this advise. This makes me hopeful.
Me and my boyfriend of 5 years broke up 3.5 months ago. We went through a period of no contact and started communicated on a daily basis again. We are still talking fairly neutral. I saw him for his birthday for an hour this past weekend and it was all laughs. He said he still needs more time before he is ready to hang out with me. He has previously mentioned just being friends but when I ask him about being friends now he doesn't even acknowledge it. He actively avoids saying yes or now. I am very confused. Please help!
Hi Mallory. It sounds like your ex is at the Test Drive phase. where he still feels guarded on your interaction as he may sense that the dynamics between you two is still relationship focused.
@@ClayAndrews thank you! I thought this too. I don't talk about the relationship at all anymore. I'm really hoping he will begin to trust me to build this emotional connection
Update?
He just told me this afternoon he wants to be friends and isn’t looking for a relationship situation. He also told me how my kisses make him feel!! I want to take this as an opportunity (the olive branch) but am worried he means he’ll never want a relationship ever again
Will you be emotionally ready to be friends with your ex? Also, Amanda, I noticed that we have been exchanging comments for quite some time on my channel. Have you already checked our Ex Solution program course and maybe joining our private community will be more helpful for you as we have the team to guide you on your journey. :-)
My ex dumped me a year ago. We were together for 3 years and I didn’t even see it coming when he dumped me. We were doing our usual things, met up after work, had dinner, came back to my place then he suddenly asked if we can be friends. I said no. He said he’s stressed because he just graduated uni and wanted to find a stable job with stable income. He said he’s not gonna be seeing anyone because he just want to focus on his career. I let him go because what do you do if someone want to leave you? He said we’ll talk about it again in 6 months about how we’re both doing. It’s one year and we never talked about it. We just don’t contact each other anymore.
Hi @MsBlueblu, I'm curious to know if you have tried reaching out to him? Or will you be ready to initiate contact?
Clay Andrews OH MY GOD YOU REPLIED! We met up a few times after the break up but it doesn’t feel the same. I feel like I don’t know him anymore. I gave up trying to be in contact with him because everytime I see him, I get disappointed. I booked a birthday dinner just for myself in September and he wanted to come along, so I added him and he ended up telling me he’s on tinder. ON MY FREAKING BIRTHDAY. I don’t think I’m ready to contact him again.
@TheLastManStanding thank you so much for replying to my post! I don't want to believe it but it's clear. He messaged me after 4 months of nothing asking if I want to participate in his family event and I didn't reply. Didn't even ask how I'm doing, just straight up "do you wanna come to my uncle's wedding". Like who does that? If I've been contacting him non stop, then I don't mind, but after months of no contact, at least just start with a 'how are you'.
@@MsBlueblu you shouldve told him about how you felt about his behaviour and then move on. That way you respected yourself and he can learn from his mistakes so everybody wins
@@MsBlueblu Be careful, I see traces of narcissism. Avoid him and move on.
1:13 You say but she said she was breaking up cause she lost interest yet she still flirts.
He says that he wants to be friends because he has a crush on someone else
same situation x
Sameeee
Well Im confused, other online youtube coaches say don't be friends, you say be friends .... what is it. Others say they need to miss you and if you are around them as a friend they don't miss you ....
There are two phases that you need to understand about being friends.
#1. You can't be friends with your Ex --- when you haven't fully healed from the breakup because if you do not do active no contact and continue to reach out to your ex as a friend, you wouldn't be able to help for you to have an ulterior motive in getting your Ex back. Your Ex will notice this and might eventually go to reactance because your ex will see that you are still not over him or her
When you have done ANC and have regained emotional balance:
#2. Being friends (AT THIS STAGE) with your Ex will help because it will help you to reach out with your Ex and be able to show your Ex how much you have changed.
@@ClayAndrews Thx, but she already said I changed but still has no feelings, for now, I can't be friends with her. She gives me mixed signals, when we are together we are acting like a couple but without intimacy. We are still playfully and this hurts when she only says what I have done wrong. Now to make a long story short, she did cut herself and sees everything black, sometimes white but she has a negative vision of life and it gives her stress while I'm the opposite. I always think we could elevate each other with this. But now she blames me for not being her emotional support. Even with her problems, I have always been curious for her, I always accepted her even with her faults, In the 2-year relationship, I was always playfully with her. The only thing, in my opinion, I didn't give her enough space and I was overly worried about her cutting herself so I didn't give her the room or space. The breakup was 4 months ago, I was friends with her but 2 weeks ago I told her I can't be friends anymore. Now I'm scared that I lost her because she is stubborn and said; "oke its done, bye"
What if I was the one that asked my ex to hang out as friends? Hes the one that dumped me and was hesitant on seeing me. I told him that im coming to terms with the breakup and learning to accept it and that i just really miss his presence.
And he said “understood. As long as we’re on the same page, if we were to hang out, it’s just as friends”
If he does end up ever hanging out with me, I’m determined to rebuild the emotional connection. But he’s a dismissive avoidant and hasn’t shown any signs of even wanting me in his life
What if they ask to sleep with you but you're still "friends" with your ex?
Hi Chris. That will go back on your personal values. Will you be okay to sleep with an ex? What boundaries are you going to take? :-)
What if she broke up with me 2 months ago and says wants to reconnect as friends again when we’re over each other?
You can be friends but after 2 3 5 years. Not sooner, thats juts my opinion. But at that time you eont even care anymore, and she wont either.
Update?
@@OnFeature this is true. I want to go into the future where my feelings aren't there for her anymore.
She said she’s at war with herself ..
She wants to be friends after no contact?
She wants to be friends, but secret friends. She will post all her interactions with our sons, her father, coworkers and friends. We had a great time at an expensive restaurant. No mention on Facebook. One of my sons made excuses that she doesn't post all her activities and cited a dinner date she had with an old high school friend. Oh, you mean the guy whose wife and kids are back in Texas. Gee, I wonder why she wouldn't post those? So I am in the philanderers and ex-husband category. The friends she doesn't want her family, friends and rebound relationship to know about.
Well my ex boyfriend I saw him in public just few days. I saw him looking at me sort of following me little bit. He was being weird around me hiding every time I look behind me. Is it ever okay to be friends with an ex while you're dating somebody? Been looking for a video of that. Have you did a video about that? I'm dating sombody and now I just see him as a friend but haven't tried talking to him at all cuz I'm scared nervous because the breakup did hurt he did call me a b**** after the breakup he was yelling at me. But a few days ago he was slowly walking up behind me said nothing though.
Hell no, I’m not some man’s therapist, he can unblock himself
This might sound like a silly question, but how do you know if you’ve built the emotional connection? My ex and I are friends, sometimes with benefits, although I don’t think this is where he wants to be. I think he’s only “playing sometimes boyfriend” because he thinks I can’t do friendship (and he’s right, I still love him deeply and struggle not being in a relationship with him) but he does want me in his life, by his own pleading and admission. He’s a single father who got custody of his children only a couple of years ago. We were already living together but he had to move out when he got custody due to various circumstances. We’d planned on moving back in together and blending our two sets of teenage daughters but it never eventuated. He now feels that during the 2 years we had been trying to blend, he was under too much pressure trying to split his time between his children, and me. The two sets of children are all teenage girls, so not as easy a task to blend as if they were under 10 years old. Anyway, I don’t know how to recognise whether to apply the pressure and do the “dating other people” spiel, or whether to reduce the pressure and just be friends without the intimate connection we have at the moment as I don’t feel it’s actually mutual. I’m not sure how to recognise whether the connection is high enough, or if it even exists. He calls me a couple of times a week and we see each other at least once. He kisses and hugs me hello and goodbye, and will reach out to hold my hand at the movies or cuddle up to me on the couch at home, but he seems to be actively avoiding anything sexual unless (I think) he feels he has to. I’ve also just purchased your RR course.
I have enough friends. Don't need the ex for this.
i haven't seen my ex and a few years it was ok at the beginning but it ended badly and i made it clear that i did not want to be friends and just today sent me a friend request and i can tell she still has a relationship im not mad or anything but i dont really see the point i guess she must be bored because of the quarentine 🤣😂 im by my self right now im at peace so i dont want this no thanks
That's totally fine if you decide to take that particular choice. What is important is that you are aware of the things that would make you feel better.
@@ClayAndrews thanks for responding my friend i just think its more of a problem if i let these women into my life again like i said things didnt end well so i just dont see the reason for like being friends you know i dont see the point i mean they havent around for years and now suddenly they care i dont buy it
Mine also ended horribly he called me a b**** my ex he was yelling at me. And I saw him few days ago no I didn't talk to him. But he was slowly coming up behind me he was being silent behind me he didn't say anything idk what that means every time I was walking looking behind me he was hiding for a few minutes. It's been awhile since I talked to him after he broke up with me I haven't contacted him.
my ex is happy paying the field
My ex wants to be friends while they are in a rebound. Did no contact for myself but ex says they understand but then started attacking me. Finally ex explained anything i do it would be fake bc of active rebound. Finally they block me on everything bc I didn’t respond during no contact since I would be fake.
Sounds like your ex's is having a moment of reaction. It could be that your ex is projecting their pain and frustration towards you.
So it probably would have been better to accept the friendship and just distance since he really just wasn’t in a place to be dating? Cause now that I think about it I think that is what he was trying to do -take the pressure off of it needing to move towards a relationship- since he still is entangled with an ex that he knows is holding him back from giving something new a chance
Been married for 15 years and wife now filed divorce . 6 months seperated and now we are friends with benefits and keep in communication once in a while. Should I continue this ? I still love and want her back but she said that its just about the sex and won't commit.
What if she started dating already with someone. She is angry at him. What if that anger is directed towards me? What if she told me we will never be lovers but still apparently difficult for her to let me go?
my ex broke up with me because of his parents and he still loves me but doesnt have a choice but to break up with me. he offered friendship so to see if we could date again in the future when he is allowed but also said to not tie ourselves to each other so it wouldnt be like we are waiting for each other. i already told him i needed time and space to heal first before being his friend and he respected my decision.. the ball is in my court but i dont know what to do!! i love him so much and i do want a chance for us in the future
No no and no!
My ex wants to stay friends but has said that there was a lot of damage done? We made a promise though that we will both work on ourselves and see then? He said that we have to grow and heal? Does that mean that it's time for me to move on?
Can you make video content about narcissism?
Hi Victor, the particular topic regarding narcissism has to be covered by a licensed professional as that can be related to a mental health concern. :-)
Clay Andrews Okay, I was just wondering what your opinions were about that topic but thanks for all the other videos.
Hello what to do if your ex want to be friend with you after 2yrs past of break up.. He don't want to be in relationship
I don’t just want to be friends with my ex-girlfriend Tracci Ludwick and I broke up with her.
ex said she never felt a connection and went back to her ex.... after 5 great dates...I had a dating coach tell me to tell her choose me or bye. she was trying to put me in friendzone. after 28 days no contact she reached out. weird response. been talking but just basic hey what was that BBQ sauce that was amazing on the ribs? quick brief... she posted a pic of her with her ex...want to build the connection
5 dates isn't a girlfriend or an ex, LOL. You were a date, not her ex
I was in an auto accident that left me with neurological issues. I would be lucky if I got an hours sleep per night. After the 3rd year of this my wife of 29 years divorced me. It was final 5 weeks short of our 30th. I got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" speech. None of my 4 adult sons understood that either. No Contact was easy, because I was in a brain fog most of the time and when she texted on housekeeping matters, I rarely replied with more than one word answers. 6 months after she walked out the door, I had surgery at the VA. 10 days later, my head was clear. At first it was exhilarating, and then her absence hit me hard. It is like the pain from the Pseudo tumor had distracted me from all the emotions I should have been working through. No Contact became harder. In the meantime I lost 60 lbs, do 120 push ups every morning and was able to land a remote work, banking deal. 4 months later (last month), she reached out to me. We have had friendly phone and text conversations. She is in a rebound with a Cluster B personality guy - she just doesn't know it yet. Here is the thing: with every contact we have, she becomes less and less attractive to me. I know I have a lot to work through, but I'm not in a hurry to get her back - or get her back at all.
My ex said it's better to be friends because he don't want me to be unhappy again.. he wants to meet up as friends ask me to drink with him.
Hi Jewel, it's great to hear that you are open to being friends with your ex but are you emotionally ready to be friends with him?
how do i connect if she doesn’t respond to my texts very much
What if he already have another girl and still contacting you... What should I do to make me his prieority? Can you make a video for this?
Hi Emily, We understand that you intend to make you be your ex priority. But remember, we have to earn that and there's no amount of tips and tricks to do that. The question that you may also reflect in to is that, was could be the possible reasons that would make your ex gain his affection back towards you?
All the best.
@@ClayAndrews maybe I should ke focusing on my self and be a better version of me... All the best for me thank you so much Sir Clay for the reply 😘
Hey clay, how do i get rid of the emotional block that is separating my ex and i from getting back together. I am working very hard to spend more time with him and trying to be positive with positive interactions as possible. Is it normal to make mistakes?
Also since covid restrictions are over, we are definitely touching each other more, like on the arm, head, shoulder, pat on the back, and sometimes i try to get a thumb war in
Hi Melissa, it is normal to experience mistakes along the way. What is important is that you are clear with your goals and when mistakes happens, try to look into the learning that you have gained from that mistake. Have you checked our Ex Solution Program course? It might help you further on your journey as well. >>> www.modernlove.life/esp
@@ClayAndrews hi clay i actually already purchased it a while ago
My ex gf broke up with me 7 weeks ago she told me she wants remain friends that’s it. We been together for 2 years we broke up multiple times before she said that also but we was living together and on those breakup we doing things like we’re was together but no tile. This time she moved out . She was mad Last week and told me we are never getting back together & blocked me from calling or texting her, I left her alone for 5 days went nc this morning I wrote an apology letter she reach out we start talking again . I’m starting to think she’s seeing someone at the moment cause we haven’t been away from each other this long , Should I ask if she’s seeing someone? It’s gonna hurt me if she is and I don’t think I can be friends with her anymore.
No contact, let her reach out. Do you and evolve
Update?
I left her 7 months ago. Because I was upset about her hot and cold emotions.This was LDR I live in US and she is in Northern Europe. After 7 years of texting every day I missed her texting.
Missing someone is a normal feeling. Especially if the things that we are used to doing before was suddenly removed from our daily routine. How do you handle that emotions so far?
Before I was o k. First 3-4 months. But I am not o k now. I think I did very fast moved on. Last valentine's day first time i texted her snd she said she wants live with love.Got to be honest it is confusing. I lived with her one year and she never said love me or miss me.she was very cold.
I would never want to be friends with my ex, I was happy to see the back of him 2 years ago… are all Gemini men weird lol….
what happens when they do bring up their rebound but talk about how bad it was
Hi Per, I think the best question here is how would you handle the conversation. How you bring yourself to the conversation and how you respond to it will make a difference.
Don't date someone new if sexes still want to be friends
My ex told me that she forgave me all the bad things that happened and thats why she wants to be friends and because she doesn’t want to call me an „ex“. We broke up a few months ago and were together for 4 years. She says everything is still new and that we both need time to work on ourselves and heal but that she loves me and would like to come back but she just can‘t she doesn’t want to allow herself to come back. What should I do?
How did it go?
@@josephgodwin9653 She came back. But we stopped talking after I made this comment for a few months, then she came back while i was dating someone else.
That's a good thing. You got the result you wanted, the timing was just off. Is what happened next an interesting story? I feel like there is the possibilty of me being in the same situation in the future. My story is starting like yours did.
@@josephgodwin9653 I mean i would say it depends on your partner. My ex really wanted us back in those months we didn‘t talk, you know. Long story short she is now chasing me.
How you doing now? I've been doing good without my ex in my life my original boyfriend ex. My breakup ended horribly. My ex called me a b**** he broke up with me. But he saw me few days ago I saw him to. He was slowly walking up behind me but he did not say anything to me he was being silent. Kept looking at me and looking down on this phone he was hiding for a few minutes every time I looked behind me.
She wanted to be friends but has another gf.
HI Felicia, We understand that this can be complicated. Will you be ready being friends with your ex given the current situation that he is into?
@@ClayAndrews Hey Clay, I am a Lesbian so she's actually a women lol. Anyways, thanks for your response. Naturally I am friendly, a giver and like to be a peace. So being friends doesnt bother me. Its just that ultimatly I want more. Besides Last time i tried just being friends she keep bringing up the current gf i thought was a rebound. Lol its complicated but i do try not to be in my feelings and force things coming across as desperate
If you want her back, the only thing you can do is no contact for at least a month.
You're are too repetitive