TRANSGENDER: MY DAD'S REACTION & ACCEPTANCE
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- čas přidán 16. 06. 2018
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So I'm a cis woman and never had to deal with anything trans. I didn't experience it myself and I never met anyone who had dealt or was dealing with being transgender (not to my knowledge anyways) but watching you over the last couple of years, reading your book, listening to you, has really educated me and has made me understand as much as it is possible to understand for someone cis.
And I am so greatful for that for I know that if I ever meet anyone in my life who is transgender, a friend, a patient (I'm gonna be a doctor) or even my kid, I will be able to do right, to treat them with the respect they deserve and maybe even help them on their way, because you helped me understand. And this is huge. So thank you for everything you do.
Nore Hey no thank YOU for going to those efforts to understand, it makes the world of difference
I've got really good news. Yesterday my boyfriend got me my first binder and I was so happy that I started to cry.
Congratulations! That's super awesome.
Your hands are so nice
thank god I'm not the only one who noticed.
his hands cant say i noticed that beard tho and awesome sweatshirt
wtf this is the most liked comment (at the moment)
but....
ur right lol
So are yours 😉
Noah Hella
Accurate
Oh my god you have no idea how much this helps. My dad knows but he doesn't use my preferred pronouns or name. I love him so much but I don't think he *fully* grasps it. I haven't talked to him about it since I came out but I have no idea how to move past this awkward thing we have.
The whole evolution of his dad's views on his transition is awesome, but one particularly awesome thing here is that his parents never tried to stop him. A l o t of parents do that. And because you can't transition, you don't change physically, so they don't grow to see you as the gender you are. So I'm very glad Alex got permission (even if he had to wait for acceptance) !
you put this into words better than I could have, because I'm in that exact situation, where I am not able to transition whatsoever. thank you
I had a similar thing with my brother Will a while ago. We went to this go-karting place and the counter guy asked if anyone in our family had done it before and Will just said ‘Oh yeah my brother has’ and I just had this moment of “wait wha-OMG HE MEANS ME” :D
Honestly I was in such a happy mood the whole day 😅
Pink suits you! That's a weird thought but tbh you remind me of young David Beckham idk why but there's something alike!
Xoxo from Poland
I think they have similar gentle personalities and great smiles. :)
L Asonibe and both are hella hot :)
I'm ftm and it feels like my dad will never use the right name, pronouns or ever see me as his son. But this video has given me hope that one day he will. Thanks Alex!
My dad did the same with the "no name" part mate, it seems quite common with dads! Thank you for being such an inspiration for my transition! I have my initial consultation for top surgery soon!
Interestingly I had a very similar experience with my dad coming to terms with my transition. My parents reacted quite badly to my transition when I first came out, and it was made harder due to cultural barriers (they're Chinese). My Dad took it harder emotionally, and couldn't sleep/eat for days, which made me really sad. As my transition progressed, my mum was more upfront about her opinions, but my dad tended to hide away. I feel like it took some adjustment for him to get used to treating me as a son rather than a daughter. Obviously, there shouldn't really be a difference there, but for him there was.
I also noticed a shift in change once I started having physical changes. I think a large part of gaining my parent's acceptance was for them to see how 'okay' I turned out. Meaning, in the beginning, my parents really had little to no knowledge of what it meant to transition. They were very worried about me, and I think they feared that I would have a difficult life, and people would treat me differently. Once they could see for themselves that I was a completely passable guy, they were able to accept it more.
Throughout this, my dad still never really spoke to me much about it all. He still hid his emotions, and I also never really opened up to him about my feelings. However, a significant moment was when he offered to pay for my top surgery. I had already planned to pay for it myself but he insisted. That action made me realise that he did care for me, even if he didn't have the words to say it.
But what really landed with me was half a year ago when I got stage 1 of bottom surgery. This was several years after first coming out as trans. After telling them that this was going to happen, I was a bit afraid of their reaction as we hadn't even spoken of my trans stuff since top surgery 4/5 years prior. My mum was more vocal of course, and asked questions. My dad fidgeted in the background, kicking at the rug. Though reluctant, they accepted that it was my decision. Shortly after, I had a phone call with my dad. I remember him suddenly telling me on the phone 'We support you. You can do it. We're all behind you'. And I'll never forget that.
What you've said is important, specifically the patience and acceptance of the way your parent's reacted, even if it wasn't all positive. Because it's the same for me. My parents had said/done some terrible things in the beginning, but I cannot hate them for it. They have loved me all along, and their negative initial reactions were all on the basis of loving me, and fearing for me. With time, patience, and honesty, they have come a long way. My whole family had my back when I went into bottom surgery, literally staying with me during my hospital stay/recovery. And to think that several years ago I literally thought that them kicking me out of the house was a viable outcome. Stories of our parents like these show how much things can change, and how what seems like rock bottom can turn out completely differently in the future.
Beard is looking great. Pink also looks good on you. 👌
I've been watching you for years, back when your channel had your birthname in it and I'm so amazed by how far you've come in your life. You had a few thousand subscribers and now you have a book out :o i honestly feel kinda proud
1- do you have a cold or did your voice drop some more?
2- you’re looking extra hot with that pastel pink shirt and the sleeve tattoo and the blond hair.
3- did we finally get rid of the green walls? I like that corner. Feels cozy and looks cool.
4- thanks for sharing that amazing story, very touching.
5- hugs and kisses!
My older brother used my new name and pronouns the day I told him too! Siblings must just be much more accepting sometimes. Also my mum called up when they cancelled my T appointment using all types of pronouns haha
I bought the book as soon as I could so I knew a lot of this but it's totally different hearing him actually saying it. It's so much more emotional than just reading words on a page. I LOVED this video!
At this time, none of my family was using my name or pronouns. My grandma has always like...made a point of calling me and her other grandkids by our names. In my case, it was my birth name. I heard my birth name and female pronouns CONSTANTLY from her, and I had so many breakdowns about it.
One day I was coming home from school and I was...actually planning on killing myself that night. And I went out to my deck to see my grandma and my brother (who was two at the time). And as soon as my brother saw me, he yelled my chosen name like...really excitedly. And I broke down sobbing. It was the first time I had heard it from him. My grandma had spent that entire day teaching him to call me by my chosen name instead of my birth name. That might have been the best moment of my life, honestly.
So hard for you, I'm so glad the timing was right and that happened on that day.
Thank you, I really needed this. I’m a year and one month since coming out and my parents are both still at the stage you were describing for your dad at the beginning. As an only child, I don’t have the benefit of a sibling to force the new name and I’m struggling to stay positive. I don’t want to be seen with my parents in public as they will deliberately misgender me, often right before going into a public toilet. But hearing it does get better gives me a glimmer of hope.
And yes please to that in depth video. I could really do with it.
Dont give up, keep going, our parents are like a lottery and you don't always win. I'm new to all this as I am a parent of a tiny 5 year old trans boy. He let us know who he really was age 1!!!! He is luckier than you as we fully accept who he is. Love yourself and be kind to yourself. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be you xxx
I really love that your happy to talk openly about this conversation. Your doing such important work and I’m just so proud to have been able to watch you over the past several years ❤️
I got so emotional watching this. I'm actually happy and jealously crying. I hope this happens someday to me.
I loved your ending and how you've said some people will never get it and that's okay 💖 I don't think many people in my family will ever get it but it'll be okay in the end. Thanks for uploading Alex 😊 just bought your book
I'm not giving up on you, mum.
Thank you for sharing this Alex. I loved the part about when your dad referred to you as his son, what a wonderful moment for you xx
This video left me in tears and the occasional chuckle,
I’m so proud of you and your journey. Even through all the downfalls, you grabbed this and grew stronger.
To Alex’s beard!
My parents, when I talked to them, my dad made it clear that he was never going to see me the way I wanted him to and my mom didn't say much of anything until a long while later and said she would support me. However, both of them agreed that they would not ever help me. Won't use my name or pronoun, won't be there for me when I go to the doctor, and they wont help me pay or raise the money for my top surgery or hormones. I have gotten to where I'm able to get them to listen when I need someone to talk to right away about hormones or binding, but that's it. Listening to your story helps a lot. The day I asked my parents to use a different name and maybe even a pronoun is one day I cant forget. The way my dad denied everything instantly just makes my heart drop 6 feet under every time I remember. Your story shows a light of hope, it may not get better for me, but it is definitely nice to know that the possibility of growing acceptance is out there and it has happened. It has been 2 year since I came out to my parents by the way. My only actual support has been my boyfriend, but he is always away at a different college so I hardly get to see him. :(
Here's hoping that things improve.
Also, saved up for doctor visit for hormones, had a shitty time dealing with picking up those hormones on my own, so I went to my dad and I was genuinely surprised that he was such a big help. Yet, after taking them for two weeks I started having a bad reaction. No idea why really but I am taking it in the form of patches so it might be something about the patch itself and not the hormones, but i am terribly worried now. It's a crazy long drive to see the doctor just find out what is going on in addition to me being very low on money. It's been pretty bad the last few months with that in addition to everything else in my life.
Currently trying to attend college, haven't been able to afford a name change yet, so when I walk in a classroom for the first time I might or might not get a sit, but the second they hear my birth name that dream dies. Been avoiding a lot because of my transition. I just hope that once I'm actually able to transition that I wont feel like something is hold me back anymore.
Got way off topic there, I guess, once again thanks for the video. :)
I've watched you for years now and can't help but feel deeply for you. It makes me so happy to see your happiness because for a while there it seemed that we might not get the chance... as I'm sure you had that same fear then. I'm so excited to keep watching you and your family. Much love (and great video, as always)!
I'm currently sat reading your fantastic look. I feel like I know you so well reading this and like that you haven't held anything back. Well done. X
I can remember watching your videos a few years ago and once you came out it pushed me to come out to my family too. We sort of went through a similar experience! I'm so proud of you man.
Thank you Alex! This video is very helpful. I would defiantly be interested in a more in depth video on how to get parents to understand.
This is heart warming to hear how your dad came around and is now supportive of you 💖 I needed this because my week hasn’t been the best and just hearing a good success story makes me happy,I love you Alex so so so much
This is such an amazing story ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 thank you so much for being so honest and inspiring xx
Alex, I've been watching you since you were fifteen and watching your journey has been so incredible. I'm so proud of you, I can't find the words? I'm so happy things have got to this point and to see your videos where you were at your lowest, to where you are now, is so inspiring and brave. Amazing amazing human. ❤️
This was a great video Alex! It was my dad who reacted worst when I came out and now we don't speak (I haven't seen him in 7 years) so I'm very happy that yours was fighting your corner when you needed him! ^_^
Loved this video! Been watching through it all and even since BEFORE you came out as trans. Go Hollie for her instant acceptance. Yay dad too. My dad an I have a difficult relationship and haven’t spoken in two years. This gives me faith it’ll one day right itself. Thankyou!
man im so happy for you. waiting for my parents to come around on this you're giving me hope
I hope my dad comes around, like yours did. Love you man, you are a big inspiration for me.
I’m kind of in that stage at the moment where my dad avoids gendering me when talking to other people, I get you completely - it’s very weird but also amazing :)
Hi Alex, so I bought your book last year and it arrived just in time for my trip home for christmas. That trip didn't go to well but having your book there in that space was a great help to me at the time. Likewise this video comes just after I came out to my parents and it didn't go well but this has given me a stronger sense that even if we can't make things work right now, there may well come a time when that changes and that is't not some sort of terrible mistake on my part to keep pushing forward in physically realising my gender without first having their acceptance. Figuring out I might need to do that was really hard but this video has helped me accept that not only is it what is best for me but it may also be exactly the right thing to help them understand. Thank you, really deeply thank you.
You are so strong 💕 I’m so proud of how far you’ve come
Thank you for making this video- it gives me hope
Your videos are super great and I always feel better after watching them, I can never thank you enough Alex 😭
I just came out to my family today as trans. This video really helped
💓💓💓 Alex omg you are making me cry internally but won't externally bc like my own situations are like yours ngl.
I recently came out to my parents with a letter and my dad's reaction is very similar to yours, that gives me so much hope for the future. thank you so much alex for sharing it!!
your book made me both smile and cry, I loved it so much and it was very helpful, I'm going to come out to my dad in a few days and I'm super scared but your experience gives me hope that it's gonna be fine after a while
I love this video!
Ive been a subscriber of yours for years and years and you've come so far.
My father never seems to undersrand transgender when its mentioned on TV ect.
I try my best to tell him about using correct words when talking about how people identify but I still have some work to do.
By the way, you look so bloody good! 😍😍😍
This was a very warm and moving video. Thanks for sharing
Your story is amazing..I'm happy for you that he came around.. 😊
Omg I'm so happy for you 😍 thanks for sharing this with us 💕
I've been here watching you before and during your transition and it helped me so much with mine. Before telling my parents i would just sob like a moron to your videos. I was feeling like a part of me that i felt but somehow knew i was missing was finally found and it had a name. Now here i am past 49 days since my top surgery and almost 2 years on hormones, i have no one that uses female pronouns or my dead name and i have a 2 year relationship with my feyfriend that is better then anything i could have evee dreamed of..thank you Alex for helping me be able to get to this point. ^-^
thanks for sharing your story Alex! You're inspiring xxx Love from Adelaide, Australia
Aww I loved this video - sorry there was problems but so glad it worked out x and that final message 👌👌
I think it's really interesting to hear stories about different people and how they "came to terms" with their lgbt+ loved ones. It seems to be common that some people aren't necessarily completely against it in the beginning but take time to actually get on board and GET IT. Thanks for sharing this very personal story.
It’s amazing hearing your journey with your transition and your father, I am experiencing the same with with my father right now.I’ve had so many conversations that I’ve seen no light at the end of the tunnel with. Both of my parents know how I feel being ftm but it’s very difficult for them to grasp my reasoning. Even if I say raw things that aren’t good it still doesn’t click for them.I am 18 and trying to get my social and medical transition going and the only family that I can openly talk about my binder, dysphoria and transitioning in general is my younger sister and my grandfather. Father’s Day was difficult for me because constantly my father and I are off track and it’s been that way since I was 15, which hurts my heart because I remember a time where it wasn’t like that. I hope one day he can see me as a son and we can fix this gap that’s been between us for years. Thanks Alex :-)
Thank you Alex. I needed this video.
so proud Alex. I've watched your videos for a very long time and your journey has been an incredible one. Despite having their struggles your parents seem to have been a lot better than many when it comes to growing to understand and accept, though I'm sure you may not have felt so during the conflict. It's great that you and your dad were both patient and kept working on your relationship until you finally got to a point where you could see eye to eye. That moment of him calling you his son ruined me! At the end of the day you're his baby and i'm so glad that that love eventually came out on top. x
♥️ you Alex, thanks for sharing!
thanks for sharing
this reminded me that my brother will probably accept me when i come out to him and my parents' reactions will probably be better with time
Discovering your channel on CZcams a few years ago helped me be more understanding of my trans friends whenever I would get frustrated at them for getting frustrated with me for not jumping straight to using their preferred pronouns or name. You’re such a wonderful human being and you really have a great way of helping people understand those who are going through their transitions and what they’re experiencing that we can’t always grasp
I got a copy of the book and I remember that chapter- 😭💙
Your book also helped me come out and be accepted as a trans male 💗
Thank you for this video. I’m 15, nearly 16, and have been watching your videos since I was in sixth grade. I’m going through some of the same things you detailed in the video. One of the major things is the “pronoun gap,” as I like to call it! This video, and your videos in general give me hope that some day, things will change for me. Lots of love from Cape Cod!
This is literally my current relationship with my dad. The first three minutes of this video is pretty much my life. I'm about to start T, and I had to catch him off guard and ask him if he was okay and if he had any questions. He didn't want to know anything about it, and he flat out told me that he was just hoping that the day would come when this was a phase that would go away in time. Unfortunately I live with him and I'm not financially secure enough to move out on my own and make this easier on both of us (due to my inability to find a doctor for the last three years, I've been uncomfortable with the idea of getting a job). Kind of hoping that eventually my situation turns around in a similar way too. Kudos to you Alex, you're an amazing person and your videos really help me see my situation more objectively, because now I know I'm not alone.
I loved this video 💝
man just all the hugs like ok book promo aside all the emotions i felt plus your getting over a cold talk about fighting spirit
your voice is so calming
I remember coming out to my parents and it was roughly the same. Both of them weren't necessarily unsupportive but after coming out, I felt like they just wanted to ignore the issue and hope it would go away on its own. The only thing that actually changed their mind was when I told them I was suicidal and I'd been hurting myself. From that point forward, they did their best to help me transition. It took a couple years in my case, but I totally agree with your statement telling people that their parents may come around. Sometimes, it seems very hopeless but things do get better with time.
I can REALLY understand everything youre saying bc the story with my dad almost went exactly the same, right now he's just started to like "defend" me and help me transition after almost 3 years after coming out and almost going on T. Its amazing
I came out a day ago to my mum. And while I feel that it was uncomfortable and overall a mediocre experience what I can do is hold onto the one or two good things that happened in the conversation and wait and hope that eventually she and my dad will fully understand. I've also got to remind myself that I took a huge step even though it doesn't feel like it, I've made a start. Thanks for the video it was really helpful especially so soon after I've come out to a family member. I would really like to see another video about the process of helping your parents understand.
Ur vids make me smile ☺
Godbless u, u r inspiring young trans man
Happy father's day to your papa :)
Great video as always!
OMG no word of a lie rigth here u was in waterstones today looking for books ans=d i came across your one i have been reading it for a couple of hours now ( i am dyslexic) and it is so helpfull for me beacuse i have came out to people i know and some are less supportive than others
hope you have a great day all
The son part is so endearing
Thank you so much for this video. I'm having pretty much the same experience that you had right now (my dad pretty much said the same stuff that you said but also compared being trans to a desexed cat, which you know is just great). But thanks for giving me hope for the future.
This was a really great video, and it made me cry 😭😭😭😭
Love your new tattoos Alex your also rocking that dad jumper lol
I had a look and my local library is getting your book in. Sweet as!
I am glad that things got so much better for you
Alex gives such good advice
Another amazing video Alex 💕❤💕💜💕👌👌👌
Also hope you get better soon x
I literally remember watching the video when you announced that you were going on testosterone. It feels like not even that long ago, but it was like 2 years ago.
You've changed so much! You've come so far, I'm so proud of you!
You look awesome alex!
i ask my stepmom about my dad every so often and then i go dark again for months after hearing he still doesn’t understand i’m gay. i’m glad some people have accepting parents. it is devastating for life having parents who overtly or covertly do not accept you. it’s hard to extend grace even though i understand them as people
I relate to this so hard. I’m gonna cry.
You are so awesome! I really admire your courage ! You are an amazing young man! Congrats 😘😘😘🔥🔥👍👍🇨🇦🇨🇦🌈🌈🌹🌹
Thanks for the insightful video! Ps. You look very nice in bright colors!
Thank you so much Alex and sorry for all the comments.
thank you for sharing your story. it means a lot because I'm at the beginning of this process and things are not going well at my house. it's hella frustrating but as you said - I try to look at this situation from their persepctive and just shut up sometimes. you're a big inspiration to me, I watch your videos for over two years now. I never really understood why. now I think I know. I'm just a transgender guy.
Yessss to the more in-depth video
Has your Dad saw your post op chest yet?
Initially, your relationship with your parents was very similar to how mine is right now. Your story gives me hope that maybe someday my parents will come around.
It's so nice to hear someone talking about how their parent used no name or pronouns. This is what my mum is currently and has been the past year since I came out and I've never had someone be able to relate to so thank you for this video
i’m do glad that your dad came around eventually, whether he accepts it or not, he’s respectful of your name and pronouns and it’s so cool!! i’m so happy for you.
seeing you transition and slowly but surely become happier has been incredible to see 💙
Thank you for this story! ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you for sharing your story
uff I have the exact same experience, but with my mom. my dad is very supporting and is really amazing. but my mom acts exactly like you describe what your dad did. I hope she will accept me someday too.
Your appearance has changed so much on the outside has your heart changed so much to but I didn't want to lose the old you your heart is so good don't lose that please
Your journey with your dad is so similar to me and it gives me some hope. I’m still pre-t and will be for at least a year but with short hair and 4 years of him adjusting he’s using my nickname and sometimes getting pronouns randomly. It’s great but tiring that it’s taking so long
Thanks for being open Alex :3 ps: thats a damn cool pillow :o
8:35 awwwww🥰🥰my heart just melted
Reading the book and it's really good. The book as help me out
Super useful video, thanks !
Yeah, it would be so great if you do another video about parents and teens struggles (cause I think a lot of teens commit suicide because of the family)
Hope that you see this comment, I lovd you and thanks to exist ! 💎
my dad just leaves the gaps too - hopefully it progresses and he comes around