Autism and Uneven Productivity in Late Diagnosed / High Masking Adults
Vložit
- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
- This video explores the idea of uneven productivity and how it relates to autistic inertia and life on the autism spectrum.
🎥 Uneven Productivity Part 2 : How to Adult • Autism and Uneven Prod...
🌟 ⏩ Connect with others like you in an Autistic Connection Group: www.momonthespectrum.life/com...
❤️ 🧡 💛 MY FAVORITE THINGS 💚 💙 💜
ONO Fidget Roller (affiliate link): bit.ly/3xLZnQY (use code: MOMONTHESPECTRUM for 10% off at checkout)
Flare Earbuds for Sensory Overwhelm (affiliate link): www.flareaudio.com/momonthesp...
Manta Weighted Sleep Mask (affiliate link): bit.ly/3n3l64I (use code: MOMONTHESPECTRUM for 10% off at checkout)
📒 Meltdown Survival Guide: www.momonthespectrum.life/mel...
🙀🌟 RESOURCES 🌟🕺
👉 🚨 Download my FREE Ultimate Guide to Understanding Autism: www.momonthespectrum.life/guide
💻 🎭 ONLINE COURSE How to Unmask www.momonthespectrum.life/how...
🗂 FREE Big Autistic Resource Guide (BARG): taylorheaton.gumroad.com/l/barg
🖥 Mom on the Spectrum website: www.momonthespectrum.life
More Mom on the Spectrum Videos: / momonthespectrum
💃⭐️ FIND ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA 🤠🎶
Instagram: / taylor_heaton_
Tiktok: / taylor_heaton_
📬 BUSINESS ADDRESS:
Taylor Heaton
8901 Tehama Ridge Parkway, Suite 127
PMB 680
Fort Worth, TX 76177
📧 Business inquiries: info@momonthespectrum.life
👏🏻 FREE 👏🏻 WAYS TO SHOW YOUR SUPPORT 🦾
🟥 SUBSCRIBE to the channel
🟧 LIKE the videos that are helpful to you
🟨 COMMENT in the comment section
🟩 Click the “bell” to be notified when I release new videos
🙏 Thank you immensely to those of you who have already donated, been active on the channel, and/or purchased the Meltdown Survival Guide.
DISCLAIMER: Taylor Heaton is not a licensed psychologist or specialist healthcare professional. Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals. Please note that Taylor can’t take any responsibility for the results of your actions, nor any harm or damage you suffer as a result of the use, or non-use of the information available through her website, CZcams Channel, or social media accounts. Please use judgment and conduct due diligence before taking any action or implementing any plan or practice suggested or recommended by Taylor Heaton or Mom on the Spectrum. Please note that Taylor doesn't make any guarantees about the results of the information you may apply from her website, CZcams channel, and/or social media accounts. Taylor shares educational and informational resources that are intended to help you succeed in navigating life as an autistic adult. You nevertheless need to know that your outcome will be the result of your own efforts, your particular situation, and innumerable other circumstances beyond Taylor's knowledge and control. Taylor is an Amazon affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from affiliate links. Taylor is a Flare affiliate and may receive commissions on qualifying purchases from Flare links.
🌿🌿🌿🌿🌿
You are a beautiful person worthy of love!
#actuallyautistic #momonthespectrum #autisticadult
⭐🎥Watch PART 2 Autism and Uneven Productivity: How to Adult czcams.com/video/QL-JK9MRPxA/video.html
As you were explaining the phases and your cats started helping you I immediately thought of the natural behavior of cats: 20 hours or so of sleeping with maybe 4 hours of work. All cats I'm aware of work this way.
Here's the thing: if you consider how things work in nature, the longer you are exposed out of your safe space (if you have such a thing) the more vulnerable you are to attack and death.
This is why many types of animals aren't likely to hunt and eat more than required even if only due to instinct: getting fat gets you eaten.
Perhaps autistic inertia combined with delayed processing are meant to work together to minimize risk.
I literally sit in my house talking to myself and trying to come up with scripts to explain this concept to other people and I always feel like the result is still going to be them judging me as if I’m just lazy. I’m a really hard worker and I always produce thorough, high quality work like you, but afterwards I just collapse inside and can’t keep going.
Your weird, I like it.
Same here. It sounds like the same thing that happens as a trauma response also. It might not automatically mean autism, could be something else like complex ptsd or childhood ptsd
Glad I'm not the only one scripting and rehearsing most of what I say.
And they.....never. listen.
And.....always. judge.
@melelconquistador it's called survival 😢
main take-away: when entering the black hole of productivity, bring snacks ❤
Hahaha yessss I wish I could put this in the video. Lol greatness.
Perhaps another way to describe this series of events is as a “supernova of productivity” followed by a “black hole of consolidation and recovery”. In nature, a supernova, which is the explosion of the outer layers of a star, often precedes the collapse of the stars core into a black hole. Production is outwardly directed energy and recovery requires energy to be pulled inward. Just the thoughts of a science nerd…
I love it! 🧬 🌟 thanks for sharing
I literally mentioned this to a friend today. Uneven productivity is the reason why I wanted to work remotely and considering what you were saying about being a mother and never been "off", it is one of the big reasons why I do not want to have kids. It is a responsibility that has no off days and that scares the shit out of me. I want to accept my natural cycle without having to apologise for it or feel guilty about it too much.
Same here. I have 2 nephews and when they're home with me, my mom and their dad I find monitoring them to be exhausting. Everyone else doesn't seem to be phased by it. Maybe it's my hyperfocusing but one thing I DO know is I feel drained. It's also why I'm studying Software Engineering so that I can work remotely and not have to deal with office politics and having to consistent constantly.
I knew I didn't want children as teenager, and that's never changed. I didn't know I was on the spectrum until last year. I'm 58. I knew I was different, but I didn't know that so many others were different in the same ways as me. All I knew was it was incredibly difficult to keep myself and my life together, and that bringing children into it would be irreseponsible of me.
Some people, including romantic partners and therapists shamed me for that. Said I was selfish or immature or whatever. But I knew having children would be a disaster for them and for me, so I never had them, and have no regrets about that.
Autism isn't the problem. Ignorance, intollerance, bigotry and bullying and pressure to conform are the problem. A society that accepts, accomdates and supports autistic people will be a better society for everyone. It will be more tolerant, loving, and creative. It will celebrate the rich variety of human conciousness and expression rather than attempting to force everyone into the same ugly, cruel, noisy box full of flashing lights, beeping alarms, sirens, obnoxious motorized garden torture devices, and vain, greedy, superficial power hungry social bullies.
I'll remain childless and isolated on my boat with my passions and interests. Instead of trying to steal cheese from the social rat-trap like I did for almost half a century before the resulting anxiety and depression nearlt ended me. Seriously:
No thanks. It doesn't work for me. Judging by the looks on the faces of most people as they go off to steal their daily rat-trap cheese, it doesn't work for them either.
That's what needs to change. Not my attitude towards sexual self replication, lol
@@TheWilliamHoganExperience Damn, I couldn't agree more with you!
The third paragraph, when you started listing the models that we are forced to, gave me a headache just to read.
About having children: I also have the mindset that a lot of people are just not meant to be parents, and that should be okay! It's better to not put a child in the world, then to do so and be a shitty parent. And I think I would be a shitty parent, to be honest. How could I not, when loud noises and especially high pitch sounds physically hurt me to the point of not being capable of continuing to even walk for a few seconds after the sound is gone? Children are constantly screeching to their full lungs!
What you mention about isolating yourself also resonates a lot with me. I am friends with my former therapist and sometimes we discuss philosophical or functioning topics. When I tell her that society is too toxic and I would live much better and have a much richer life in isolation, she considers that Im taking an easy way out, to avoid challenges. I know she means well, but there are so many challenges out there, why would I need to put myself through the ones I feel incapable of handling, or hurt me so much, or that my empathy makes me die inside by seeing how many people are doing things that are just purely bad for them, only because they need something to numb the pain of, as you call it, suffering from their pursue of the "daily rat-rap cheese".
@@ravingcuriosity6345 12 years before I knew I was autistic, I read a long multi-part article in LA Times about autism. and it really upset me. Not autism itself, but the way it was framed as pathological. They invertented this fictional boy who was in his own world, and who loved to stare at the sky and line up his toys. He wasn't interested in people - just nature and other things he was interested in. THIS was framed as a "tragic".
It enraged me! I thought to myself "So what? - Let that boy stare at the sky all day while he lines up his toys. Just make sure he's not staring at the sun. And if he wants to do THAT, get him some welding goggles..."
I didn't know I was autistic, but I knew I was different, and that people and society weren't safe for me. I'd just washed out of a 15 year academic teaching career due to typical neurotypical f*kery. This was after spending 15 years becoming a lisenced architect, and finding that profession just as horrible for me.
So I bought a 20' sailboat, and equiped it for crossing oceans. I moved aboard it.
Then I sold or gave away literally everything that I didn't need for sailing away: My home, my car and all my funiture all were liquidated or donated to charity. I burned what was left over on the beach.
At that point I'd been trying to be "normal" and do what society expected and wanted from me for 46 years. It simply didn't work.
I'm 57 now, and I still live aboard a sailboat. I live off my teaching pension now, and perform music because I love it, not to survive. I'm happy now, but it wasn't easy getting here. Trying to conform almost killed me. I was so anxious and depressed and confused and hopeless that suicide started looming larger and larger in my mind, like a bad song I couldn't get out of my head. In 2018, in desperation, I tried Ketamine infusion theraphy, and that saved me. The depression and anxiety and sucidal thoughts vanished.
My autism diagnosis came in 2022. What a relief! Everything suddenly made sense. The more I dug into it, the more I realized that autism is a GIFT that triggers FEAR and RESENTMENT in many nuerotypical people, and that's what makes social interactions so difficult. Missing social cues and taking people at their word makes matters worse.
But we can't help that anymore than a blind person can help not being able to see. The difference is that thier deficit is obvious, and it's shameful to bully them over it.
Not so with the autistic. The word itself is often used as an insult in popular culture. My response is to disclose my autism and to educate people about autism generally, and how it impacts me specifically.
Without my super sensitive hearing, love of repetition, echolalia, and love of routine, I wouldn't be a professional muscian now. It was following my passion for music that led me to start playing when I was 51 - an old man picking up a guitar and teaching himself to play it while singing his favorite songs. All alone on his boat for 5 years. Every single day without fail, for hours and hours and hours before having the chops and courage to start playing with other musicians and ultimately performing solo.
...and I loved every minute of it.
That's all there is to "treating" autism: It's not about acceptance - it's about embracing it as the gift it is. No matter what.
Anything else as Radiohead's "No Surprises" says, is:
"...a job that slowly kills you..."
and
"...wounds that will not heal..."
So lean into your autism.
I already did what your doing, sort of. Never had kids. Im everyone's fave aunt and fave God-mother. It works.
I call it hyper focus, when I was in my 20s I could do the 5 days of 10 to 12 hour days, and get a lot of stuff done. When I left that job they had to hire 3 people to do the work I did by myself. However, it took a hit on my health. Constant meltdowns toward the end and a witch of a boss. I would spend the weekends sleeping and not doing much of anything. I was young, single and basically my life was work for a time.
i can totally relate to what you're saying about working so hard when you were younger. When I left a job, I did a write up for how to train the next person, and realized I had taken on so much work that I was doing 3-5 other people's jobs. I was young and still didn't register the implications of that - over time, now that I'm older, I look back and think, "how did I let it get to that point?" But dang I worked hard and got a TON of stuff done.
@@MomontheSpectrum
"how did I let it get to that point?" I think you already answered that question: "I was young and still didn't register the implications of that." Or am I missing something?
You just described my past, down to every single detail. ❤
Yes so much yes I relate. I can do the work of 3 and after I have to rest, take time out. So, on average I still do work for 2. But when focussing on the time out the accomplishments don't get celebrated, by me or others. It is only: you could do so and so and now you can't do anything?
I am so glad to find this recognition on the web (and in your video's).
@thegreenmachine well I can still not register the implications of stuff like that at an advanced age, LOL! But I always specialized in obliviousness. An especially demanding job I took about 10 years ago really did a number on my health. A lot of it had to do with the obsessive interest phase, which lasted about 5 years. It was all I did or thought about, and I remember being proud of outlasting a coworker half my age on one of the death march trips. When my ADHD decided it was time to move on, and the job stopped being my obsession, the work got more and more brutal.
I just love that your orange cat is walking back and forth behind you!🐱
he is always jealous of screen time!! 😛
I noticed him wandering around too 😺 What an absolute sweetheart ❤️
Back and forth. Haha. Camera time!
Busy cat! 😂
I came to comment on this.
The high-productivity day for me was yesterday. Then at like 5:30 pm, I was like, "Oh no, I am all out of spoons!" But I still had to chase my little son (who is autistic also and a very busy boy). He was wired and I was tired; consequently, I think he ate a bar of soap. I was exhausted. He's okay this morning. I survived by going straight to bed after putting my kids down. I think I'll call my son Bubbles now.
It's really cool to hear how what I've always called my "cluster work style" is potentially related to my autism, and not just a 'strange and inefficient' work ethic. It's admittedly difficult in grad school now, where the work is endless yet I never know until I wake up each day whether it will be a cluster work or cluster rest day. It's really nice to hear others' experiences with this!!
Im sure grad school makes this especially challenging!
I genuinely wish I understood what "rest" means. I collapse. I get sick. I break. Rest is a choice my body makes for me because I literally don't know how, and your pattern looks like such a gift in comparison. Thank you for sharing and being so open about your experience.
I honestly sometimes enjoy being sick with a head cold or something mild because it's legitimately the only time my body actually 100% knows rest. I have no clue what it is otherwise.
Honestly I would love to get back to uneven productivity, as annoying and exhausting as it can be sometimes. This is totally how I used to be throughout my life. In the last few years due to massive burnout it's devolved into barely existent productivity which is far worse. I would take the uneven kind any day over feeling like I can't do anything anymore.
You are not the only one, that's my story too. Living on adrenaline caught up with me at last. I'm doing a smidge better than I was, but if I try to push it at all I crash fast.
I feel you so bad. After losing my extremely high maintenance geriatric pets (that had me giving meds every 2-3 hours from 6am until midnight every day for the entirety of last year) and all that's left to me is freeloading off mentally abusive relatives who don't accept that I can't act like that all my life, I've reached a state where sometimes I stay awake until 8am, unable to sleep at all, or crash for 16 hours a day, or eat instant noodles after 14h of starving myself because I don't wanna face anyone or leave my bed. If I make it through this, I'll consider myself a literal survivor, because it feels like I'm slowly dying. If I'm lucky I can get some intense drawing or writing in between, but not without a break of several days. I can't even get myself to reply emails... I worry about my future. I need a job, but I don't feel like I can work in this state. If by any miracle I do get in, I'll probably get fired as soon as they realize my pattern....
@@t.k.5088 I have an idea how you feel, I hit bottom in 2020-21. Life is still a struggle at times, but it is so much better than it was then, which at the time my amygdala assured me could never happen.
I wish you the best, and I'll offer this thought, based on my own experience: no matter how tough things get, I suspect your amygdala is making them seem even worse than they are. When I was finally able to convince my cortex that my amygdala was lying to me, it was a big step forward. (tbh, I needed help from an antidepressant to do it.)
Sending you good thoughts. I didn't believe my life could ever improve, but it did.
@@t.k.5088 ❤ you're not alone.
I totally get you, I'm in the same boat. Burnout is a pain, can't seem to get rid of it.
Yes!!!! For me to avoid feeling totally overwhelmed and exhausted I’ve found what works best for me is one day of “normalling” followed by one day of “caving” where I stay in bed all day with the blockout curtains drawn, windows closed, AC on and zero interaction with any other humans. It seems extreme but it’s the only way I can function!
Sounds right on par with so many others here!
I'd love to be able to do this, but how do you manage this schedule with real life? I feel like with two small kids, a job, and a husband, there is no way I can incorporate this schedule. Truly curious?
@@sunnyaz1508 not 100% solution but perhaps do like we do at home, take turns and have backup of big food batches we make two to three times a week plus get takeout and get a cleaning service.
@SunnyAz yes it wasn't possible when I was working or when my kids were young so my meltdowns were way more frequent then. After suffering a complete mental and physical breakdown a few years ago I knew if I didn't completely change my life, it would probably kill me, so a lot has changed for me but the increase in inner peace was worth everything I lost.
@@lisawanderess what changes did you make? And how old were your kids when it became easier in regards to being an autistic parent (not a general patent)? I am now realizing I need to make drastic changes, but I have a hard time figure out what and how. I feel very stuck with the way society functions and also feel the responsibility towards by kids and husband to keep somewhat a normal life. But it is costing me myself.
I have this pattern of fluctuating productivity, too! I hate the guilt-cycle that came with it and am slowly working towards radical self-acceptance there. two inputs I got from other people on the matter I want to share: 1) a guy in uni once told me „as long as you get stuff done in time, why care how/when you got there? done is done. 2) when I complained to my husband about one such uneaven productivity cycle he made me list off all the things I did that week, gave me a strange look and pointed out that while being in hyperfocus I got more done than any reasonable person could expect (or do themselves)…
lesson ftom both encounters: the cycles of inertia and productivity are just a different way of doing things and when interacting with the nt world around us it‘s okay to ask gor acceptance of our way of doing things if the end result is unaffected.
Nicely put! Thanks Simone.
My husband has made me do a similar thing to this exact purpose and yes.
The black hole work cycle sounds like a manic phase, yet I don't think I'm bipolar at all.
@@mortenle I just read up on the symptoms of a manic phase in bpd and I donˋt think it resembles the „black hole“ as taylor describes it at all. Maybe on an extremly superficial level in that I feel very driven to do something/be productive. But other than that - nope. I find the concept of hyperfocus far more acurat. I get however that when described to others it might seem similar and even that it might have led to some misdiagnoses in the past, especially since many high-masking autists also deal with depression. Also, this is not a diagnostic criterium for autism and might also happen as a result of overlapping adhd/asd/giftedness more so than asd alone - so if you do not experience this or it feels different for you, please do not let this irritate you. We‘re not all the same and that‘s just fine!
Shame we don’t get the full acceptance we deserve
“Scientifically scientific”. I love it.
I have suffered from sporadic productivity my whole professional life. I go from periods of intense productivity to periods where I can only function at a minimal level.
lol I used to be a research scientist and a friend of mine would call me "Scientistic Lady" 😄
You totally nailed it with the feeling of guilt. I would totally feel that way when I was still working as a full time SPED teacher. I was basically non-functional after work and felt like a horrible wife and mom. Now, since I get to work from home, I have days that are incredibly productive followed by days of recovery, and I’m accepting that 😊
So happy to hear about this transformation! 🌈
^Agreed. Just gonna say, your name, " Sparkling Spectrumite", is brilliant! ( Was it by chance a variation on, "neurosparkly", which might be a different way of saying neurodivergent for some?
@@lizhyink5636 thank you! I figured I was on the Autism spectrum, so Spectrumite sounded good to me 😊
@@sparklingspectrumite It's a "gem", as they say. I like the thought process, too. To me, it sounds like a beautiful iridescent discovery rising from a cave floor, ( stalagmite : )
@@lizhyink5636 awww thank you so much 🥰
I'm diagnosed as ADHD, just finished ADHD coach school, consider myself very knowledgeable on all things ADHD, and I'm perceptive in areas that I am self aware. But it wasn't until I surrounded myself with 17 other ADHD coaches-in-training that also have ADHD, that I finally fully accepted that I am also autistic (an idea I played with for years). I am very similar to my other ADHD friends and classmates, however I always felt different with the people I felt such connection with. It's hard to tease out what is ADHD hyperfocus and what is ADHD plus autism hyperfocus. It's really the thoroughness in which I dive into and fully submerge in that hyperfocus. And even when I become aware that I'm in that "zone", I just can't. It is a black hole that I want so fondly to be in. It is a fantasy world of details and wonderful things. But it is also a ball and chain that is so utterly exhausting and has held me back in so many many times in life. It's inflexible preservative cognition combined with utmost passion and the inability to see the forest for the trees. Sometimes I see the forest, the bigger picture, but I'm still so hung up on the trees. I want to see every tree. I NEED to see every tree.
Thank you for this CZcams video, you explained autism inertia so well. It was a concept I didn't know about until now. Also, thank you for being a part of the reason why I can fully accept my autism suspicion that I had for years. You show what it's like to be seemingly normal...but not. It is indeed in a spectrum and the world needs to see that.
I can relate to this so much 😭
I have frequently had to ask myself why I have just spent 2 weeks researching the pros and cons of widget A and Widget B without asking myself if I really need a widget.
Studying is a nightmare. I follow an endless network of ancillary links because I have this infuriating inability to just scratch the surface of anything.
The commonly co-occur I think.
This. All of this. I have literally tried to explain this to my husband using almost these exact same words:
"Sometimes I see the forest, the bigger picture, but I'm still so hung up on the trees. I want to see every tree. I NEED to see every tree." Yes. I always try to explain it like I can zoom out and see the whole forest and then zoom in and see every tree and blade of grass. Once I zoom in though, it takes forever to zoom out again because I need to see everything, leave no stone unturned (as they say).
I thought I was the only one. 😭
I relate so much to this comment.
Grocery shopping is challenging because I have to compare every single option of ice cream and cracker in case they have added more options or the prices have changed.
People say why can’t you just go in and grab what you need….
Sorry I have to look at every tree!
One of the most relatable things I've seen. Black hole productivity, black hole rest. This is exactly what I need, and basically no one seems to understand. I also like the black hole, but it's also not very sustainable, but it's one of the places I get the most joy,and feel the most expressive and the most me, but it gets in the way of other life things and responsibilities. I wish my job and life circumstances allowed me to do it more.
you are one of several people who has spoken of the joy it brings you to be in the black hole. This is a great point and something I really get from that space, too. One of the times I am the happiest, for sure, is in my black hole!
Yes the black hole productivity. Everything else is gone and I am in the zone !
I love putting my whole being into what I’m doing but it is exhausting so we have to be careful to take care of ourselves. To me it’s important to have boundaries and realize in order to do what I love that I also need to rest.
This describes me to a T! I retired 4 years ago after total burnout and couldn't do anything for 6 months. 2 years ago I realized, at age 72, that I'm autistic and my life started to make sense. I struggle with inertia and know I can be very focused and active at times, and inertia was making me feel guilty and lazy. The idea of uneven productivity makes so much sense. Thanks for the insight.
you're welcome. I'm glad it was helpful to you. Thank you for your comment.
I'm going to turn 70 in early February. My daughter is 40. I am divorced. Once was a Special Ed teacher, couldn't do it full time. I figured around age 45 that I was probably Aspie. At age 53 a few scientists in Boulder, CO defined the term divergent for me. I sparked right up, and said that sounds like me. And they smiled and said, yes, your divergent. But the word Autism wasn't spoken. This was maybe 2003.
@@joycecz I'm about a year younger than you. I am still trying to figure out how to get a diagnosis. Not sure about the area I live in having the best resources, but I will find it if there are any. I think knowing has empowered you.
I too had a late diagnosis, I was born with Asperger's, and it was truly cathartic for me. I told the doctor who had a PhD that "the dots connected!" I am fortunate to have a wonderful therapist who specializes in autistic spectrum disorder and recommended trying to find one then perhaps they can give you the right resources to get the proper diagnosis.
@@johnzimpelman9018 Thanks, I will attempt this, since it would explain a lot of things about my life and give me new direction.
"So i just wanted to say 'maybe that is your nature and that's okay'". THANK YOU!!! This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. I, too, like the black hole of productivity. I don't want to fix it, I just want to learn how to ride the natural rhythms.
I am navigating my own late diagnosis (58) and burnout recovery. I have used sensory deprivation as a term for a space I needed to be away from the world to create original ideas and to nurture myself. What you pointed out is so relevant right now especially the working 5 days in a row thing. My self diagnosis means I no longer have to compare myself to neurotypicals. The community is so driven by compassion. This vid made me cry. Thank you.
Good luck on your assessment journey. I had my diagnosis three years ago aged 62. It’s well worth the time spent.
I was also diagnosed at 62. It's really helped, I no longer feel stupid or that I'm a bad person for finding people difficult. Just wish there was support counselling etc, there isn't 😕 No funding for it.
the line 'i no longer have to compare myself to neurotypicals' really left an emotional impact on me. thank you for sharing your story :)
Yvette, I am working on a book on late diagnosed women, would love to have your story for it. I was diagnosed at 57 and am also recovering from the severe burnout that led to my diagnosis. I feel that having several stories together will have more if an impact.
@@ruthhorowitz7625 Ruth, send me your info. We can chat.
This very much describes my problem at the mo. I'm in the IT industry,I'm very good at my job and get loads done in a short period.....but only if I'm left alone with zero interaction. These bursts last a short period, sometimes just a few hours, then it can be days or weeks of just not being able to start or work on anything meaningful, it's just too exhausting and unpleasant
Similar experience. I have exchanged several companies in recent two decades so I know it is related to motivation. What project, how is it managed and what colleagues. After all that years I am considering found my own IT company which will be exactly friendly to neurodivergent people so we can be happy and productive as much as possible.
YES! When I worked office jobs (which thankfully I no longer have to do), I wanted to be left *absolutely alone* to do my work. I could accomplish more in less time than just about anyone -- just *leave me alone* to do it. I especially struggled when someone would come to my desk and hover over my shoulder -- nope!!! I couldn't even type my name correctly with someone standing over me.
This video is exactly what I needed!!
Two days ago I had the most productive day and I just didn't want it to end, I LOVED it and felt so so proud. Yesterday I couldn't get anything done. Didn't shower, eat, etc. When my fiancé got home he said I shouldn't be hard on myself, this is how it works for me (I got diagnosed with autism at the age of 7, so we know). I could barely accept it though, because I felt so frustrated and lazy. So this video came at the right time, thank you! Just like he said, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. And thank you all for the comments too, definitely made me feel less alone ❤🤗
So happy to hear this! And there have been multiple people saying their partners are encouraging more self compassion. Yes yes yes!!!
Sounds like you have the right fiancee.
Feeling the same and having a hard time accepting 😞
@@MomontheSpectrum i have no compassion for ⬜♀. you arent even people
I became self-employed and plan myself times throughout the week, when I can jump into my rabbit holes plus days to recover, to do self-care. That seems to work and helps me with not feeling guilty.
so glad to hear this. I think self-employment might be beneficial for many people on the spectrum...but the executive functioning challenging can make planning and managing oneself a big stressful.
@@MomontheSpectrum Yes, that's right, I struggle with that, too. But being self-employed I'm only angry with myself and don't have an angry boss "on top", what would lead me to melt downs or break downs.
So glad you brought this up Taylor. I resonate with this immediately. The trap I constantly fall into is that I will feel great and motivated on productive days and I will plan future productive days thinking that I should be able to maintain this momentum that feels so good and so easy in the moment. And then the next few days come and I'm inexplicably burnt out and unable to do any of my plans no matter how much I wanted to.
My hope is that knowing this is a thing that is probably true of me will help me have more acceptance of how I operate and to not plan for continued productivity in the first place. I need to accept that with great productivity will come a period of great rest.
I totally do this too. It’s like every time I have a few good productive and positive days I completely forget that for my whole life is two steps forward and one back. I then beat myself up thru the whole recovery period for being an idiot 😵
Oh man, I related to this video so much. It's been so cathartic to be able to have a name for these feelings I've felt my whole life. I just turned 32 and I feel like I have just started to truly understand myself. I've never felt so related to or "seen" in my life, and I never even knew I needed that. Thanks for doing these videos!
You’re very welcome. I’m glad it was helpful to you. Thank you for your comment.
"It's been so cathartic to be able to have a name for these feelings I've felt my whole life." When I learned recently that I might be "neurodiverse," I actually laughed, because it made so much sense. (The professional who gently raised the subject was not expecting that response.)
I think you should do as well videos -record 1 or 2 minutes and play it to yourself or if willing share with others on youtube.
I am resonating with so much of your channel. Not sure if I’m on the spectrum, but this is exactly how I work. If I even need to go out to grab food on a rest day, I feel like I didn’t rest at all.
The video really resonates with me. I had never connected my fluctuating productivity with my Asperger’s, but that totally makes sense. I tend to work incredibly hard 3-4 days a week and be very burnt out that other 1-2 days of the week. My bosses are still amazed at how productive I can be when I’m in the zone.
In college I wrote my 80-page undergraduate thesis in about 2 weeks after barely getting a page written in the prior 10 months. 😂 Once I got started, there was no stopping until it was done.
Yes, takes me forever to get started but once I do I cannot stop until it's done.
At age 62 I’ve diagnosed myself as high functioning Autistic and your podcasts explain so much of my confusion in my teens and adult life.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us, which helps us like the way for ourselves.
It is so necessary for us to have our own literal community where we have our own businesses, housing schemes etc. I wouldn't wish this current experience we are having on the future generations of autistics.
This definitely resonates with me. I was very much like this in my younger years. The thing is, now I feel like it's so hard to be black hole productive. Even my special interests tire me out quickly. I always feel like I need rest but I never feel like I can get it because I'm a husband to an ADHD wife and father to an ADHD and most likely Autistic daughter who don't let me rest for any length of time. Sometimes I feel like Oliver Twist asking ' "Please, sir, I want some more"... spoons'.
"please sir, I want some more spoons" oh my goodness, love this. Sounds like you are in a long period of shutdown. I hope you are able to find some moments for yourself. Thanks for your comment.
I discovered I was on the spectrum last year at 58 when I had a severe meltdown from too many changes to my schedule by committee work. I shut down for weeks which luckily included spring break. when the semester ended, I stopped and mostly stayed in bed for 4 months--but it wasn't even close to enough rest after 58 years of masking. You may have to ask your wife and kid for more space, but it's hard...
I've was thinking the same listening to this, I lost my blackhole abilities, totally burned out for years. I've recently discovered sensory deprivation floats and for me it is like concentrated rest, I just wish it was cheaper I'd do it every day if I could. Meditation has done similar in the past but I can't tolerate it at this time in my life (ADHD+grief).
Autism has it's own rythm. Do the best you can to respect it. I used to be an architect. I would engage in long periods of intensely focused, creativive work followed by equally long periods of being shutdown . It was difficult, but I never missed a deadline, and always had time to recover while I was in school.
The profession was different. It demanded constant productivity, and little creativity. It was a horrific grind under flashing flourescent lights in front of flashing CRT CAD screens. I was only able to manage for 7 hellish years before I utterly burned out, shut-down, and lost the abilty to perform even the most basic aspects of my profession. I had no idea I was autistic back in the 90s when this took place.
Had I known I was autistic and what my support needs, sensory issues, and gifts were, I wouldn't have gone anywhere near the architecture profession. Instead, I gave it everything I had for a total of 15 years of school and work, only to wash out of it.
But don't worry!!! Everything turned out GREAT!
I'm 58 now, and was diagnosed as autistic last year. I've been playing music full-time now for 7 years with the same intensity I brought to my career as an architect. If you want to see what happens when an older autistic person finds a way to devote themself fully to their "special interest" for many years, check out my CZcams channel. There you'll find my Magnum Opus: A 2 hour long concert film I made of a recent musical perfomance I gave at a local Farmer's Market. Here's a single I released from that film:
czcams.com/video/8wFnVlIdj7c/video.html
My own arrangement and interpretation of Radiohead's "How to Disappear Completely" - a song that perfectly expresses what I feel like when I'm shutting-down:
"Strobe lights...and blown speakers...
Fireworks, and hurricanes.....
...and I'm not here...
This....isn't happening..."
I'm guessing Tom Yorke is on the spectrum too. He's also one of the greatest artists of our time.
Respect your autism, and it becomes a beautiful gift. Lean into it, and you'll find at least some peace and love and maybe - just maybe, acceptance and appreciation by others for it. That's what's happening to me. I'm so happy now that my autistic gifts are being reognized and are making other people happy too. Finally I feel like I'm connecting with ordinary people in a meaningful way. After feeling locked in and frozen out for so long. It's just so beautiful. For me music was the key to the lock. It might be something different for you. Or the same. It doesn't matter:
Lean into it. Whatever it is. Whatever brings you the most joy as an autistic person.
That is your gift.
Being late diagnosed I wasn’t taught any skills to manage my autism. I didn’t learn to recognise the early signs that I’m struggling. So I was pushed to keep going until I basically collapsed. The only time people stopped pushing me to keep going/coping was when I was stuck in bed exhausted or admitted to hospital with severe burnout/catatonic (misdiagnosed as severe depression/mental health crisis). I now have to learn to recognise what my body actually needs after 42yrs of being told to ignore every signal from my body and mind. I may learn a little but I’m not going to get to the point where this pattern disappears. I imagine this is why this is possibly more common in late diagnosed/high masking autistics, and why life just gets harder for us as we age.
Thanks for sharing your experience here. It makes me happy to know that you are learning how to listen to your body. Such an important skill at any age. 💜
I had a similar experience, but I crashed and burned at 57.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm 67 and late knowledge of ASD, and have had a mostly long, hard, complicated, difficult, painful and traumatic life. I have done a LOT of hard work on myself in the ongoing fallout. I agree it is getting harder and I still struggle a lot daily. I keep trying though, because I decided to keep living and not leave my grandchildren. I'm trying to be softer with myself but it is not easy after a lifetime of pushing myself to the outer limits. 🙏
Thank you so much, at 73 you have just described what I have been wondering about myself.
You’re welcome Sara. Glad you’re here!
I love my black hole. It is the thing that I’m good at that recharges my sense of purpose even though it drains my tolerance to other stimuli. I also struggle with guilt daily. I feel like you made this video just for me. Thanks Taylor.
You’re welcome. 💜
Indeed!
This is a topic I've been really thinking a lot about lately. As someone that is coming out of burnout, I'm finding that doing my job is like like this lately. I've been more or less successful, lately, having good productivity at work until my pre-set stop time (I work full time from home), then I just stop everything and go into black hole-mode. This has been allowing me to detach, process and recuperate so I can do it all again the next day. It's like I'm scheduling and planning this black hole into my day so I don't do too much, and push myself back into the burnout cycle. The big difference for me, I'm letting myself do more nothing each day, so I can do more productive work later, and that's okay , I'm doing better that way.
It makes me happy to hear that you’re making ways to accommodate yourself
Same here! It took Tay's video and decades of high productivity followed by burnouts to validate that I need to work and rest in cycles.
I work in an office 9-6, a very analytical role and with significant interaction with others in meetings, calls, emails, etc. My day goes in cycles of hyper focus, superproductive slots of between 1- 3 hours. Then I jump off my chair and find a quiet space (ladies', walk out, coffee by my self; do nothing for 5-10 minutes). Lunch alone, find a booth in the canteen or go out to avoid people who want to talk to me :). By 5pm, my brain feels full, like a bucket with water about to burst. So unless there are meetings, I do light tasks or talk around with people; set appointments with myself with to do lists for next day but at all cost I avoid any solid work. Headphones on, out to walk and take the bus home.
5 days of this routine and on Saturday mornings my family knows that I stay in bed, with no interruptions, slowly wake up or do nothing until at least mid-day. This is my recovery which I cannot skip.
I feel this so deeply. Been this way for years and I attributed it to PTSD or fibromyalgia. When I was 17-18 I could go non-stop on 5 hours of sleep but after some serious trauma, years later still... I call it rest hard work hard play hard. I used to need a day or 2 to recover from 1 day doing errands in town. The day out is great I'm running on all cylinders then crash. I have always had that autistic super focus on a passion project I can spend hours on for days and years. When I crash I'm still needing craving to learn though, thanks CZcams for that. I melt on couch Because I'm so literal fiction doesn't cut it I NEED to learn. I always feel bad and out of place because I can't function like others. The workforce doesn't understand the needs of people who are different. They aren't supposed to discriminate but the need to crash in order to be productive is something no employer understands but I can do 3x the work of the average person when I'm on a roll. I don't do good with distractions anymore either. I'd prefer to stock goods vs be a cashier because the overstimulation is a panic attack waiting to happen.
Oh my gosh, I NEED to learn also! I haven't seen it put that way before. I have a sense of company now. Plus tarot? I love it!
Me too !
This is exactly what I naturally do. Now I can stop feeling guilty about it/worrying something's wrong with me. Trying to be evenly productive just leads to burnout for me.
💓
Woah-- just when I feel like the questions have been answered, more questions are answered!! This is such a realm of self-discovery for me, it keeps surprising me how many of my "idiosyncrasies" or personal challenges I haven't even really been able to put into words or clearly defined thoughts are tied to an actual cognitive THING that so many others can relate to! It is exhilarating to find this resonance, when many of my tendencies have been hard for neuro-typical people to understand and for me to understand how they can be so different my entire life! I can completely shut out everything around me (even as a mom of three...) to work on a project I am into and grind away excitedly at it, ultra-focused and very throrough in my process, quite thrown off and disgruntled when life necessitates me to break away from it (frequent in family life), and my ability to put my whole soul, brain, body into a day at school or work, but then need to just shut out everything when I arrive home and not be questioned about the day, told to do things, offered things, or anything else until I have had some time to process and "unwind." Wow. Learning so much. I agree-- I think there is a place for us in this world, things we can do that others can't. We just have to figure out how to meld our special skills to various situations' demands... hard to do at times. I don't think I'd give it up though. And the inertia thing... exactly!! I have been so hard on myself for not being able to just START the thing! Or finish something I was passionate about if something caused me to lose inertia.
yeah im with you - i don't think i'd give it up either, but sometimes it sure makes things challenging. Thanks for your comment!
I spent the morning plastered to the couch. I got a lot done yesterday and my mom visited. This made me feel better as I felt like I was being so lazy. Great topic! 💞
so glad you got some good couch time! that's always helpful for me
I find everyday after work I’m exhausted and just have to shut down because if I don’t I end up in a lot of physical pain and cannot think with a clear thought. I will even start saying things that make absolutely no sense. And I also find that I lose my temper a lot easier too when I don’t just shut down after work.
All your videos convince me I have autism along with my current ADHD diagnosis..... 😲😲
I definitely feel this. I don’t know how I was ever a nurse in the hospital. I would get so burnt out in those 3 days I worked and would need a day to recover. Now I do less than that but get into these black holes for a day working at home and then need a whole day to recover. But yes so much self judgement around it. I think figuring out that my brain works differently than others is really helping me understand and accept myself more. I have traits of asd and adhd.
And really, I’d start to feel more like myself after my 4 days off and then would have to go right back to it again. I started having migraines after every shift.
Oh my!! This totally resonates.
I spent yesterday rearranging my workroom and hoped to finish it today. Then, today, I just couldn't do anything.
This happens all the time. I'm either busy all day or struggling to do the basics and feeling guilty for not getting anything done.
I felt like I've been losing the plot. Sorry, I don't really have anyone to talk this through.
I totally understand!
Tina, it's the same for me! I'm 71 and am just discovering what all my 'issues' mean. It's so comforting! I always plan to be busy every day and have felt I am a terrible manager of myself. This new understanding is lightening my guilt by leaps and bounds! What a gift to see ourselves in a better light!
Oh my god this is me! Extreme work to extreme rest. I don’t even have words for how this resonates with my world. I have never been diagnosed with autism, but that idea of inertia is so my reality daily.
Productivity + inertia = depression.
Can’t break this cycle
This is extremely resonant, especially as I get older and start listening to my body and mental cues more and more.
ahhh this is so me! I keep Sundays free of obligations (other than laundry and grocery shopping) as it's my "recovery day", and I defend it with my life, lol. People will try to plan things with me on Sunday, but Monday I start work again for the week, and I desperately need a buffer between social time on weekends and work starting, so I always say no. I too can't rest if there's ONE event on for the day. Even if it's "go have dinner with close friends you love", it will loom in on the horizon as a thing that will cost a lot of energy. This is so helpful to me understanding myself. Thank you!
I started doing this in school without know what it was. I started planning around those periods. It help my grades tremendously.
Yes, definitely feel this on an autistic level. I used to feel so much guilt for resting/napping so much. I felt there was something I was doing wrong. Once I discovered I was autistic it made so much sense and now I know I NEED the rest. Now I can plan for them to help regulate my energy and mood. It's been so eye opening.
Yes! Love it! Thank you for bringing this topic up. I call it my Boom-Bust cycle. And I agree getting curious instead of judgmental is key.
I use to beat myself up for failing to get through my week. Now I like to approach each week like a scientist 👨🔬
Every 3 months I conduct an “experiment” and log my energy patterns for a week. I then take that data to map out my time each week. For example, Tuesdays is typically a BOOM day and Wednesday is typically a BUST day, so I try to schedule my creative work on Tues, and try not to schedule morning meetings on Wednesday.
It’s not perfect, but it has been helpful. And it gives me a feeling of working with my AuDHD brain, instead of against it.
Stay weird, and be well friends! 😊
Love this!
Love this too 🎉🫶
Woow 😍
Loll I also call it this, and I agree to a T. Consistency ain't where's I'm at whether I like it or not, just gotta learn to work with it
I love how your cat just walked along in the background of your video.
He always knows when the camera is on!!
Nailed it! I get hyper focused and can’t stop even when my bladder starts aching and my stomach’s gnawing at my back. Then when I finally release myself from the task and relieve all my needs and see how late it is, because I should’ve started dinner 2 hours ago etc. here comes the agitation that I had to even stop to use it, eat and make the stupid dinner…again! I imagine as a single person it’s easier to deal with your extremes because you’re the only person you have to worry about. But with a family and demands and expectations, it’s as annoying as wet socks and something I wish I understood about myself before embarking on the marriage and family journey. But I muddled through and have finally at 56 allowed myself to zone out and be complete unproductive when I’ve become over stimulated from being hyper productive and tasked by life. It’s the only way to become productive again.
Thanks for this. I'm newly diagnosed at age 50 and struggling to find my "normal" and find it helpful to hear others talk about their own ASD.
This resonates with me so much, and I think it’s why I can finally hold down jobs since I went remote. Before remote and graduating college, I worked heavy retail hours in beauty. I was managing a counter and I was often teased and shamed for my very strict working schedule (i.e: i would not take random shifts etc because it was impossible for me) the days that I would take them, I would literally melt down in front of customers or completely run off the floor in tears because the need for intense rest was SO crushing. I’d go through phases where I’d have to quit and then start up again because the lack of down time and stability was absolutely decaying my mind. At the time I didn’t know I was autistic.
Now that I work in a different field from home with a manager that understands I’m autistic I can have slow days and days where I am absolutely going harder than anyone. It’s a lot easier to “slack off” (what I used to think it was) or go into sensory deprivation when your workplace is flexible. One of the many reasons why I believe remote work is more inclusive.
Thank you for your insights.
What industry is this. I'm interested
I just found this video and it really describes what I go through, burst of energy to do all the housework and my hobbies and then just watch CZcams the entire next day and realising I'm hungry and need to cook.
Would love a video on how this can affect friendships. I'm always waiting for the perfect time to call or visit with someone and it rarely comes. (Your not wanting to answer one email on an off day made me think of this.)
Great suggestion!
Yeah. Psyching myself up to do things, yes, familiar. Recovery time has become part of life. It drives my husband crazy because he’s ADHD and was raised by terrible people who taught him to be responsible by forcing him and his brother to so all the housework and babysitting and errands and basically doing almost nothing for him themselves. So he’s a workaholic and has always had a wicked sharp memory and just doesn’t understand the type of Autism/ADHD that I and a couple of our kids deal with. They have a school diagnosis and I have no diagnosis but I think if we all had clinical diagnoses he still would say things like, “Sometimes I think all these things are just names they put on people who are just quirky.” Yeah, honey… that’s why I can’t stand eye contact (I even have to turn magazines over), have no filters, have to drive around screaming after social events, peel my lip until it bleeds, make whistling sounds in my throat and rub my hands constantly to deal with stress, and jerk my head to the side until my neck aches because one eye feels different than the other and I want to even them out… among other things. Because I’m quirky. There you go. Not saying I’m not quirky but dang. So trying to convince this go-getter that I have a terrible time getting to bed because it’s hard to stop what I’m doing… yeah. He doesn’t give me a hard time about it, we got mutual love and respect here, but I wish he understood and he just doesn’t.
I am focused, very focused, on the orange cat, in the background.
He was pacing so much during this video! 🐈
I relate to this so much! I’m not diagnosed. I get overwhelmed very easily.
This video nailed it for me! I’m trying to heal from burnout. I’m a public school teacher, it’s been a rough ride. I have huge dreams for my program. I love to get lost in my creative plans but the follow thru is so hard because I don’t get sufficient time to disengage from the teaching part and focus my energy on creation and changing (which is so hard!) I have been trying a lot of new things and I’m proud of myself for practicing response intervention and continuing to change things in response to my students reflections. Balancing being autistic and a teacher is such a trip man 😂😂😂😅 the black hole feels so nice. It’s blocking everything else out. It’s not even realizing I’ve needed to pee for five hours. I’ve been having to really practice body checks for tension and clenching during those moments. Phew. But I love that phrasing, having sensory deprivation. I keep using the word catatonia. Deep down, I don’t know why but I feel ashamed that catatonia feels so good. I get the best feeling of restfulness just staring at a wall. I feel like a nutjob (or honestly like the girl in the ring) but I could stare at the clock with my mouth open like I’m in one flew over the cookoo’s nest or something. It feels so nice tho to just zone out and let me brain process without me having to tune into that mess 😂
Thanks for all you do! Do you do scholarships/grants for the community meetings?
Yes 💯 thank you so much for the work you do as a teacher. It is invaluable and you deserve the 🌎
„As I Channel my inner Adrian“ 😂 Gold! I’m such a badass channeled too 😅
🧘♀️☮️🌱
OMG! You could be reading my mind!!! Black hole productivity…yes! ‘Everyone else can send an email on a rest day, why can’t I?’…are you living my life????? Sending you big ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Sending it back!! ❤️❤️❤️🎉
I can't believe how you managed to describe my last month of 2022: I had two "black hole" work weeks where I almost couldn't even sleep because I had a long task to finish at work and I was just not stopping. I was not able to. "I had stuff on my schedule".. Man am I happy you translated exactly what I went through, those couple of weeks! Means I am definitely not the only one. Of course, after that I took a couple of weeks off and entered a "black hole" rest mode... I just shut down. I sat and I painted and drew stuff on my sketch books. Or spent hours on the couch just watching YT videos. Or reading. Or sleeping. I hardly even went out.. haha I really enjoyed watching your video Thank you so much for sharing! Take care!
You’re welcome! Thanks for your comment.
That's how I feel about ADHD too. It's not good for a 9 to 5 job, but my overall productivity / creativity over a week / month / year is fine. It's more about playing to your strengths rather than trying to fit into the NT world. I know not everyone has that luxury though.
Wow! I’ve gone round and round with my husband about this! I get in my groove and accomplish so much (and chatter excitedly for way too long to him so he’s overwhelmed). Then I crash and need rest and quiet for a bit. He judges me like I’m lazy when I need this, then marvels at all I learn and accomplish and try to explain to him. Our daughter has autism and I manage everything (health, nutrition, doctors/medication, school, regional center, benefits, etc). He thinks you work during certain hours and only rest when done. I haven’t had a full nights sleep in 20 years talking care of her. I know more than the doctors at this point and love learning more all the time. My other adult daughter recently told me she thinks I have autism and I found your channel. It’s upsetting but also a relief to realize I’m not just a weirdo that is all over the place, feeling like a failure for not conducting myself in “the normal way”. I so appreciate your message of compassion and self acceptance.
Love this radical self acceptance 🎉 I also enjoy my black hole of productivity, despite the energy hangover that follows. It feels like my natural rhythm and always has - even though new to realizing myself with ASD.
intense productivity and intense rest is such a good way to think about it
Yes! Wow that describes what I go through. When I'm working I'm amazing. Then I need rest
I understand this. Any day I do a lot, I end up feeling completely wiped the next day. Especially socializing face to face or going out. When I was able to work 4 days a week with the 2 days off breaking them up, I was able to work so much better. Working 5 days non-stop wiped me out by the end of day 3 and I was lucky to make it through all 5 days. Then I'd be useless on my 2 days off.
I absolutely relate to all of this. The ebbs and flows. Thank you for talking about it.
Yes yes yes. I resonate with this so much!
THANK YOU FOR MAKING THIS VIDEO!!
This resonates so deeply. I’ve never heard anyone articulate how I function in productivity so accurately. I’m so thankful for your channel 🙏🏽✨💙
I’ve had this my whole life. Hyper focus is one of my favourite things about being ADHD (I suspect I may be AuDHD). When I’m able to get into a hyper focus, I can the more work done in hours than most people can do in days. So, the rest is always well deserved.
I like this as a more-NT-relatable term for hyperfocus and inertia.
I’ve had this a long time and never had a word for it
Wow, this is the story of my life. Thank you! This is great. 😊
I love this! I never had the words for it, but I want to embrace it.
Hi. Just subscribed.
I have never heard anyone talk about this so clearly. I can hyper focus for days (up to 54 hours straight), but then I sleep for days afterwards, struggle to even remember the steps to make a cup of coffee or string a sentence together.
I got misdiagnosed with both Bipolar disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder when I was younger and my All On/All Off cycle played a big part in this.
For almost two decades I thought I had a mood and/or personality disorder before I found out I am Autistic+Adhd (two years ago).
Thank you so much for helping me understand better.
You’re welcome! I’m glad this video was helpful to you. Thank you for your comment.
going through this right now. thanks, this video was really insightful.
Excellent. Thanks for your analysis. Spot on.
When I started playing this, I just wanted something to listen to while I work on thinning out my file cabinet so I can file more up to date papers in there. What should have been a 30 minute job has now turned into 3 hours and I'm not done yet!! But it is very interesting that is video was the first suggested on my home page because before I started playing it, I was thinking, "Am I going to feel like doing schoolwork when I'm done??" Honestly, probably not. I'm already overwhelmed but I HAVE to finish. Thanks for creating such relatable material. **Side Note: I love the orange kitty. He is exactly like my kitty in personality. Walks in, promptly rubs everything in sight and then walks out like, "Job Well Done!!" 😻
🐈💜
i feel my experience is accurately described by you in this video. thank you
I'm always having to psych myself up to do supposedly involved tasks, when there's really just one small hurdle to overcome before handing the task. I'm familiar with black hole working!! 💜
"Stunned" really resonated with me. In my first year of teaching, after the students went home, I would sit at my desk just stunned from the day. And that was it. I couldn't do anything else for the rest of the day other than get myself home.
I just came across this video and want to thank you for talking about this. It’s something I’ve been struggling with a lot over the last couple of years, at university as well as work. I’ve mostly tried to figure out ways to find a more stable, long term productivity. To a certain degree that is helpful, as it helps me to better manage my energy levels. But I really struggle with the last bit of it. I’ve just never managed to really keep this up for more than a couple of months. And then something crosses my mind and all of a sudden I spent 40 hours a week on top of my regular schedule on something because I just can’t not do it right now. It’s all that’s on my mind, but the rest has to go on, so I do it all. And then I crash when it’s done. This is why I’ve learned I really need some flexibility in my work schedule.
I currently am lucky enough to have a side job where this works really well. I work there just one day a week, so of course the work I do takes some time, but just content wise, they’d probably need two or three people to replace me if I left. I’ve set up a minimal work time per week with them that I try not to get below regularly, but otherwise I just work as much as I feel like. Currently that’s 4 hours per week minimum, but on average I work more like 6 to 7 hours, though it differs a LOT. In some months I easily work four to five times as much as in others. But we’re all happy with it, and thats amazing! Unfortunately, it’s very hard to find this kind of work conditions, where this works so well.
Absolute resonance. Last week and early this week I fell down that black hole, doing something that I was asked for help with, and it turns out I both excelled at it and it pinged my brain in a most delightful way. This week, it's still attractive to me, but I have only been able to do rudimentary, tiny tidbits of that same work (like filing the relevant emails and cleaning up the physical space, slowly). Biggest barrier is that I need to communicate what I learned and what I still need with the folks that sent it to me. Once I do that, I CAN rest for a week, but tapping the energy on demand is... Elusive.
Thank you so much! I've been struggling with my experiences with this a lot. Just hearing it's okay and others deal with it made me tear up!
I just finished that same program of hers!
Thank you for this video, I needed it today.
Thank you so much for this - it was so incredibly useful
Thanks for this & for talking about autistic inertia. That really resonated & I feel like I am struggling with that a great deal.
It resonates. And thank you. Maybe this is really the kind of acception I needed.
My soul needed this invitation. Thank you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I really, really needed this 🫶🏼 Thank you!
This does so resonate...countless times in the past are now explained. Thanks!
Great topic, very well explained, thank you. I’ve never experienced this as much as I have in the past few months trying to go back to work after been off for a year and a half with an injury.
New job, new people, new places, unrealistic expectations from bosses.
I work very hard to try to fit in and prove my worth. Only to get home at the end of the day and go flop and be of absolutely no use to anyone.
this hits home so much for me
Not even all the way through the video and just relieved to hear someone else describe my existence and such a HUGE part of my struggle with maintaining a "productive" routine. So awesome, thank you for this
Thank you for this video! It helped me put my own experiences with this into words instead of just being a vague blur in my mind. That see-saw sort of effect of hyperfocusing followed by exhaustion. It makes so much more sense now
I so very appreciated your realness with this video. Not that your other videos don't, but this one had a real "speaking from the heart" vibe. I can definitely relate. Also really enjoy your cats. They were quite fun to watch.
1:20 Exactly. "Immediate resonance" is what I experienced when I saw the phrase in the vid title, and instantly clicked on it. Okay, time to keep watching.