Bi the way, we exist | Viet Vu | TEDxTerryTalks
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- čas přidán 23. 02. 2015
- In this TEDx talk, Viet speaks about the complexities of coming out as bisexual and the positive and negative reactions that he received from his family and friends. While focusing on a group that is rarely talked about in LGBTQ+ rights, Viet explains how anyone can have a tangible impact on someone’s life by choosing to care.
Viet is a fourth-year Economics student at the Vancouver School of Economics. He’s also a researcher at EqualDex, a database that maps the status of LGBTQ+ rights worldwide.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
"I have the ability to appreciate everyone's butts" I literally screamed "woah".
Octobris It’s like, “Ah, dangit. He gave the secret.”
As a homosexual man, I have to admit that the amount of bi-phobic people amongst gay and lesbian people is quite baffling !
Tsuke-Kun!! o(≧o≦)o me too!!!
I'm a bi woman and it means a lot to me that you would admit a problem within your own marginalized community! Thank you!
Yes on pan people to us bi's and pan people are treated badly
I am a bi woman and people have literally told me that it’s impossible for bi people to be in a monogamous relationship. I get so pissed when people say that.
We think we’re a really accepting community, but ask any bi, pan, or ace person and they tell you we aren’t. It’s not okay.
When I was coming out, I initially thought I was bisexual, before realizing that I am a lesbian.
But guess what? I still fucking understand that bisexuality is real, valid, and for the vast majority, not a phase.
I am bi. My boyfriend had made a gay friend and when he hates me because he thinks I am just to much of a coward to be gay. Nope. I just appreciate everyone's butts.
Atlas i am tempted to look at men butts and remale butts....butt are awesome
APPRECIATE THE BUTTS!!!!
If your boyfriend thinks that....... break up with him. If you want to. I, as well, appreciate all butts. I don’t discriminate.
It doesn't sound like he's a friend at all.
I'm bi, I live in Russia (yup, that one huge red "illegal" patch on the map) and I'm extremely lucky to have the needed information about sexuality at a young age. I came out only to my mom, and I prepared her for that beforehand, showing a documentary about homophobia (which doesn't exactly fit my situation, but it helped me anyway). It was hard, and she was completely intolerant, however trying to hide it by "I don't care about lgbt as long as their lives doesn't impact mine or my family in any way". Well, now she's much more tolerant, even if she still feels uncomfortable with the fact that her daughter is bi, she finally understands that it's normal and natural and I can't change it even if I wanted to.
Sadly, a majority of people in Russia have a really strong negative opinion about the subject because of either religion or/and ignorance. Government isn't helping either - there even was a law prohibiting "gay agenda" (gay a g e n d a, as if people can be turned gay by someone else, oh my god). I'm not sure if it still exists, I really hope it's not. Most of lgbt people there are hiding themselves and their sexuality, and that creates an illusion that there are "no gays in Russia" (the sequel of "there was no sex in Soviet Union") which is both funny and horrifying.
I hope we'll be okay in a few years. The whole situation is pretty sad.
/sorry for any grammar mistakes btw/
I live in Finland and I've actually heard some Russian LGBT-people arrived here as asylum seekers (though not personally knowing them so it could be a modern legend). It feels so absurd that just so close to us people have to hide, since LGBT-rights (at least most of it) are taken for granted here. For what I've seen from documentaries, it seems like youngsters take the most active role in harassing LGBT-people in Russia. I hope it's mostly because of they're so young and inconsiderate and frustrated and they'll grow out of it. But I'm afraid I'm wrong.
Anyway, I wish nothing but the best to you and your family. I believe it will get better. It already got better here (homosexuality was first illegal and then a medical diagnosis before we got the rights). People just need to have their voices heard in one way or another.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT GRAMMAR.... we understand and are here for you :)
So yeah, I feel you.
What homophobia documentary?
Как же я тебя понимаю! Сам би, правда, переехал в Германию, но прекрасно знаю, что это такое, особенно про мать. Держись и гордись собой!
Shout out to my bisexual brothers and sisters !!!! 😜😂👏🏽
Hey!!!!!
HeYyy
Veronica A Amen!
Hey!!!!!!!!!!
Hello!
Great stuff for us bi people that need more role models in the community.
we need more of these! It made me smile so much
exactly!
Yep.
And we need to stop bi- erasure of the ones we do have!
Honestly I struggle being Bisexual. It's so hard. I know I like men and I know I like women, but it really plays my emotions in my mind. I always find myself in a group of people where every interacts in a "dating" type way, & me being the only bisexual in the group, I feel as if I don't exist. I start to like women but i'm considered too "gay" for them, and for certain gay men, I'm not considered genuine with my sexuality. I honestly feel so lost.
I definitely resonate with your point. And it's probably the experience of many individuals who are bi. Unfortunately for the time being, the only thing you can do is to find people that will unreservedly accept you for who you are. It's hard but once you find them, they're the people that'll stick with you, regardless of whether you're in a relationship with them.
In most of my experiences gay women won't date me because they think I'll immediately leave them for a man and straight men think I want threesomes constantly. I seriously haven't been on a date in almost 4 years.
Robbin Cuevas feel the same..
Robbin Cuevas I feel you for the most part my best friend is bi and I’m pan.
Robbin Cuevas you are so fine I know its hard but you are going to make it you can do this
Thanks for helping educate ppl. My husband was bi and hid his entire life. He past away with no one but me knowing the real man that he was. My niece who is 14 told me she is bi recently and I hope and pray she has an easier time growing up in this generation. I will share your video on all my social media. If it helps just one person to live their life to the fullest it is worth it. SO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING!
I'm so sorry your husband could never open up to you for so many years. It's sad that in this day and age people in developed countries still feel scared of being who they are. That's why I'm not going to live my life that way.
+tracy winters May your husband's memory be a blessing. I'm glad that he told you.
This kind of visibility is important!
Actually teared up when you said "I'm here. I'm alive. I exist." Everything you said is so extremely true and it's so nice being able to relate to someone in so many ways. This was a very moving video and it made me feel less alone. Thank you for this, it was beautiful
Thanks for this. I think that I might be bisexual, but I don't know. There's no rush though.
Preach man. Do you
+Fluffymint Absolutely no rush. Take your time to come to whatever realization is reality for you. It took me a while before it just clicked for me and I became more accepting of myself.
+Brian Flanery I commented this a few months ago. A lot has changed in that time, and I've realised that I am bisexual and have come out to my friends and close family. Thanks for the support though :)
+Fluffymint Glad you learnt that and accepted that about yourself :)
be happy and be you.
I'm bi but the only one who really knows about it is my husband. In the end I am happy to be married to an individual not a gender :)
Me too, however I'm out of the closet, again, for half a year now and I feel much better and happier now. Like I'm not hiding anymore. I feel like I'm more really me and free. It will probably cost me some friendships though. :-(
I think the worst part or the hardest part of being Bi or gay or anything like that, is coming out to your parents. I've come out to all my friends that i'm bi but i'm so scared to come out to my parents. Anyone else with this struggle?
Colorful Sushi even though I know my parents are supportive of lgbt+ I'm still scared because we don't discuss relationships or crushes oops
Yes. I struggled for about 5 years. My Mom was just like "ok...is that all you called for?" Lol. Don't feel pressured. I'm grown and on my own and in no danger of being kicked out or disowned. Listen to your gut and evaluate the situation.
Me
Same man.
Me. I can't talk about anything connected to love. But, since friends may not last forever, I risk my chances. I feel more comfortable with them since they're my age. I even talk about serious topics with them because I study them a lot- like suicide, depression, anxiety, etc.
But for some reason I can't talk about my problems. To anyone.
I'm bi but I'm still not out and it kills me on the inside. I've already attempted to take my life because of it.
Hang in there. I know it's tough. And maybe for a while it won't get better. But it will get better. Let me know if you want to chat/need support.
I'm bi and I'm still not out to everyone yet either. First, you should accept yourself for who you are. Coming out is really just a choice, you can decide to do it or not. I have friends who have come out. So, if you do come out to your family, there is always a chance some of them might not accept you because they just don't understand. Many people think you can choose what your sexuality is and that is completely false. If you do come out and someone you are really close with doesn't accept you, maybe that person just needs time to figure out how they feel about it. If that person can't accept you, then it's really their loss. For every one person that won't accept you, there will be a dozen that will. Stay strong, you will get through this.
You could try and tell more people on the internet about it (on forums where this is embraced) (if you are comfortable with it ), so that you have someone there who can accept you and connect with you. There are so many people on the internet who are kind and open I think you will for sure find support.
Hi, I just wanted to tell you, as cheesy as it may sound, this sadness you´re feeling won´t be forever. You will find people who love you now matter what, and as I can see you have your whole life ahead to do so. Do not give up, life get´s better. I am saying this as a bi girl living in Chile, and believe me, besides all the bad people you may encounter, there will also be the good ones
I love you and I don't know you. Stay strong.
I'm bi and sort of out, not to my parents though, I'm in a straight relationship and then just what's the point... however my experience is that especially people who identify as homosexuall tend to be very unpleasant to bi people, they shame us and deny we exist. so I stopped caring. if they wan't to think it was a phase because I'm with a guy now then so be it. I love who I love and I am who I am, it doesn't change with their opinions.
I am bi too ^_^ I support you!
I am 60+, India born, now a Canadian immigrant/citizen. I too am Bi, and my Indian family is anti. One would have thought they would not be interested in my love life due to age and distance.
Thank you for sharing your story. You're so strong. I came out to most of the people I care about last year and I received only good reactions, even from my dad. I'm sorry you had a different outcome. You are brave and strong to overcome it and share your story with the world. It's people like you who I look up to. Thank you for everything you do for our community.
Haha thank you. I'm still learning a lot every day and I'm so glad that your story turned out well!
+Viet Vu isn't that part of what life is about though; learning? :)
Thank you, it means a lot. I wish you the best in life :)
I'm so happy you received a good response.
O. Oana thank you, seriously I have no idea what I'd do without them. I hope the best for you x
ripmyfictionalfriends It's great you had positive reactions! Have they been like that since then as well or did you meet any terrible homophobes in the meantime? xD
(Btw nice profile pic. I suppose it answers the question of who those fictional friends that should rest in peace are, right? :'D)
This was a great speech (good sense of humour!) Its so sad to hear about parents abandoning their children because of their sexuality, I don't understand how they can do that. Luckily I have parents who would never do that. I'm not out to them but I know they would support me. The stats of suicide for bisexual people is heartbreaking.
I was watching this on my computer (i almost started clapping at the end) then realized that it was just me in the room, GREAT SPEECH, tho!
*sees bi pun* YAS *clicks*
Me.
LMAO 😂
There are 9 very sad people who pressed dislike to this great video
Lil Sedated That very intelligent comment but I will let you be.
You could see dislikes back in the day? The 80s were so rad.
@@ScribblebytesWorldwide I know man, those were the days :')
IS NOBODY GOING TO--
"And I appreciate butts"
AHAAHHAAH
IKR XD
Kudos to you man!. What a great video, and a great message as well.Hat's off to you :)
He should be Panned ;)
Hey Lee! :D
Such an inspirational speech. What your friend told you, "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be there for you", this is something I've always said to my friends when they tell me something personal or need my help. I think it's really the best response for someone coming out to you.
This is beautiful, thank you for sharing your story. I'm now going through the whole coming out stage in my life and your story is extremly inspiring. If anyone else who is reading this is thinking about coming out just remember that you should not do it if you are at any risk while doing it. For example if you're still living at home and you have homophobic/biphobic/transphobic parents, DON'T DO IT. Please be safe.
Just want to say that I'm really grateful for your speech. It was so hopeful and bright and I feel proud after watching it. I'm a bisexual person and I know that even if I say it, I'm still insecure and doubtful about who I am. Luckily, now I have a special person in my life, a girl who I really love. We came out to some of our friend and they accepted us. In contrast to our parents what we can't face up to. In our surroundings there are a lot of people who still hate and discard LGBTQ people and we just can't stand their hate speech. Please - everybody, live and let live others. It's a very simple way to stay happy. This was really great stuff and I admire your power to tell directly about yourself. I hope I'll have this power in the future.
P.S. This sentence about butts will by my motto, hah :)
PREECH.
I AGREE.
**ANY OTHER WAY TO EXPRESS THE FACT THAT EVERYTHING YOU JUST SAID APPLIES TO ME.**
Viet Vu, thank you for sharing this with us. It seems to me that the human mind often has difficulty processing cognitive abstractions. When I shared with my wife that I had a mild physical attraction to aspects of the male form, she immediately assumed that I would leave her for a gay relationship. After explaining to her that I loved her and still found her attractive, I believe I at least assuaged some of her fears. I've been trying to learn to accept that bisexuality will largely always remain an abstract identity to many people. However, people like you raising awareness about bisexuality is an important step forward for those that identify as such. Thank you. :)
Sept 23 is bi day 😊 this video is so inspiring to come out honestly. Thank you so much.
"We have the ability to appreciate everyones butts."
This guy is amazing xD
I really enjoyed watching this video, he seems so cute and I want to give him a hug >.
I'm Bisexual and I come out to a few of my mates but the first mate I come out to was my best mate
Good for you! It's always fun (and slightly terrifying) to learn new things about yourself and share it with important people in your life
yea I know that feeling just to well
Congratulations
I only come out to some of my mates but not all of my mates and my family dont know that im Bisexual as thy wouldnt like me if they known im Bisexual
A 9yr old boy died this week after 4 days of coming out to his class. He was bullied to death.
Thank you. That needed to be said.
I commend him for actually taking action and helping change the world starting at its foundation, our laws and policies.
As another Vietnamese person in the LGBTQ+ community, hearing Viet’s story is so inspiring and relatable ♡
Same ❤❤
This whole speech just made me want to stand up and clap throughout! Amazing :)
This is the only sex extreme that's not shown in the media.
Cam on, arigato, thank you!
Your composure while relating such a devastating story is admirable.
You are a strong, resilient, beautiful person. Well done!
Both my best friend and I identify as bisexual, this video helped me understand that my best friend and I are not alone
It’s SO GOOD! Million THANKS!
Comments on this video are honestly fantastic, you all are just a blessing, keep it up!!
It's sad but I'm finding it difficult to be bi even in 2021. I'm invalidated by people with in the LGBTIA+ community and with in the cis/het community.
Really powerful stuff. Thank you for this.
3 years later and this helped me thank you viet
I'm here, I'm alive, and I exist! So powerful, so me
That was so beautiful, thank you for sharing your story.
im planning to come out this year as bi. and you made me feel a whole lot better. thankyou for being vulnerable with me
I am bi
I am 12
I've known nearly as long as I can remember
I’m bi and I felt this so much. Everyone is valid and loved, your amazing all of you, ima cry!
You know what pisses me off about being bi? I can only marry a girl or a guy.
You can still have a poly relationship if you all agree :)
The solution is to marry a trans woman
A trans woman is still a woman ;)
@@solenecambreling8565 I vote nay... transwomen are still women
That's peculiar to you, because I'm also bi and I'm not bothered about marrying a partner of any one gender at all.
I'll be with the person I love and like and work best with in life, which is something to be vert happy about.
If you want a poly relationship/committment, you can. (Not for me thank)
wow, you are my inspiration and we are so proud of you Viet Nam
this is an awesome and powerful video ever since I am bisexual myself who has issues to come out to my family and especially to my parents also my friends are supporting me which makes strong and feel proud about myself this video really gave me more hope in my current situation
*me
+black godess Hi erica 💓💓💓 (giovanna)
Shadra hey 💞
a powerful speech. wonderful
Wonderful speech, I teared up I admit. What a great activist for equality you must be. :)
This talk really is a freeing one. I am glad I listened and learnt more from this brave man. Bisexuality is real and I can attest to this personally.
Great video, thanks for it. Really, thanks!
Thank you for sharing your story. I am in the process of coming out as Bi, and this video really helps. Also I too like economics and the ability to appreciate everybody's butts.
My story is somewhat similar to the speaker, to be exact; In August of 2019 I took an amazing trip to Guatemala and on that trip I met two Bi guys, one of whom flirted with me even though I told him I that I was straight, I guess he caught on, and I think he's cute. The other would be a very close friend of mine who I was always able to joke around with and who was very proud of his Bisexuality. I still have no idea how to come out to my parents and I plan to gradually complete the process.
You can do it, but please only when you are in a safe place 😇🌈
great talk!
Ayyyy thanks for the shoutout
-a bi woman
Until about a year and a half ago, I thought I was straight. Only dated one guy, never really thought about anything else. Until I realized I stared at womens boobs as much as guys did. I thought about it more, and realized I was bi and just subconsciously suppressing it. So far, only mom knows anything, and all she knows is that I am bicurious. I am new to the community, and I always feel rejected because I am "too straight" and "just need to go back where I came from". I am not eccentric, I don't fit any stereotypes at all and never truly feel accepted in my community. I have found one place, and that is the GSA in my school, but I still feel somewhat out of place. I know this video is old, but does anyone have any advice?
Thank you!
This is beautiful
I can marry who i want!!!
thank you
Subcultures are often a great refuge. That has been in Australia at least, rave music, trance, glitch, festivals - home.
Im bi and I dont tell any one.. I dont think theres any reason for you to come out.. I just let them find out on their own... i dont see the purpose of coming out.
Same here. I've decided to say it if someone asks if I got a girlfriend or something. Only because i have to I guess...
Sabmis I dont tell anybody under any circumstance that im bi unless they ask ..if they ask me if im straight or gay ill deny both.
to me my sexuality is as important as my blood type..
but their faces though , when the moment they find out youre bi...its priceless. i just wish i had a cam recording so that i could create a video montage.
well that is your opinion, but for many people is annoying that people just assume your sexual orientation
Why does it annoy them? Why is where I stick my dick so important?
TEDx, I would really like to add portuguese subtitles to this! It's such an important topic and I would like to help it get to more people. Could enable community subtitles so that I can help? Please!
This makes me happy :)
I came out to all my online friends who i talk to everyday (they're american and australian and i'm in Mexico) and i have only told my older brother, my little brother should guess it by now but i have no idea how my mexican parents are gonna react, they're very close minded.
I wish you Luck in your Future
Kittin The Creator thanks pal
Pánfila Filomena Good luck, have you decided when or if you're going to tell them?
Stay strong, friend! :)
I'm hoping to use this video as a reference in an essay I'm writing, anyone know which study he refers to when he mentions the suicide statistics by Steel and Branun (is that right?). Can't seem to find any such study online - PLEASE HELP!
Even Bisexuals get to choose to be monogamous or promiscuous Often people assume Bi means wildly promiscuous
...thank you for this =)
Love your Ted talk ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I don't really believe in absolutes. Same goes with sexuality. I believe humans are quite versatile in their sexuality. So when a person claims that he or she is straight/gay/bi/whatever else for a term there is, it really is just a case of self-naturalisation for that particular moment.
***** lol, so in what way am I even biphobic?
***** oh HAHAHAHAHAHAHA wow. Never mind then. I didn't think I'd meet someone as pathetic as you do.
fyi, I could give 2 shits about this sexuality crap.
Liking for the pun
Would someone be able to point me to a transcript or any type of closed captioning for this? If it hasn't been done yet, that would really suck. _I have a great need_ is all :p
Feel the feel!
I've been openly bi since I was 14 but nobody takes it seriously because I've dated primarily guys in my life. In reality it's just easier to find straight guys than gay/bi women within my culture (anishinaabe). And if I'm lucky enough to find a gay woman, she doesn't take me seriously because I'm bi lol
I am in the red countries and I only came out to only few people
Update?
the whole world needs to be bi xd
Not that I actively hide it but this made me think I should explicitly come out to my parents maybe probably but I'm nervous
I only feel comfortable coming out as a mixed race Mexican bi around wild animals in isolation.
I get it, we all are trying to love ourselves. Do what you want but don’t forget to feel what you need. Love
OMFG HE IS SO CUTE!!
Very very cute indeed
no wonder everyone has trust issues and baggage when the two supposedly most important people in your life might not even accept you for who you are and find out may only love you conditionally as opposed to the former belief it was unconditional. When your own parents cannot accept you I don't blame some people who go through life feeling worthless and that they think they don't matter to anyone. What a horrible feeling.
I'm Bi too. ❤
UBC yaaaaaas 🙌🙌
まだ日本語が出来るかなって思っています！可愛い男ですね！(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)
amen.
12:00 He had support
I also feel like I want to be like those male pop stars, but I'm attracted to them as well.
ure the best
You start blending in with the system, and then become 10x times better then heterosexuals and flip the system upside down.
Or just be yourself and trust people. Trust women. The fact of the matter is that woman are so smart and they know what is right and wrong. They also want a new, better kind of people.
Someone asking you a question is not discrimination. Even if the question makes you feel uncomfortable.
I have ADHD too. 🙂
Oh my god... Grown up in Japan... Bisexual... WE'RE TWIIIINNNNSSSSS
Nooo, why Ireland why? Why you no green?
+AnimeLover JJ I think that that was because just like in Canada, gender identity is not spelled out explicitly in their discrimination protection law!
That would make since.
Because it's still not legal in Northern Ireland
this is so true and harsh for bisexual men. A lot of my peers truly believe and will tell anyone that bisexual men do not exist. I had so many arguments trying to explain that it is completely possible for a man to be bisexual. But I guess bending over like a woman and penetrating like a man can not possibly coexist in one human being