A Nonjudgmental Attitude: The Lie of Positive and Negative Emotions: Process Your Emotions 2/30
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- čas přidán 9. 02. 2021
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Many of us think of emotions as either "good"/"positive" or "bad"/"negative." But this view of emotions is inaccurate and unhelpful. In this video, you will learn how to stop judging your emotions and start describing them instead. This nonjudgmental attitude has been shown to help with anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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This same thing would have costed 400 bucks to hear from my therapist. Thank you for your service to others.
900 from mine in NY.
So true.
But you mean for one session..?
No therapist I know would have put this so succinctly and easily understood. It would be amorphous and take 5 weeks of 45-minute “one hour” sessions.
@@mimimi3440 200 per session, they like to break up their sessions to keep you coming back
Talk to yourself like you would a good friend - all emotions are normal and valid.
Your comments are always so insightful and thought provoking! I tend too see you rather often it seems. Great job adding positivity wherever you go! It’s inspiring!
@@obviousnames8633 thank you! So glad you think so 🤗
This made me cry ...
I have been feeling guilty about getting angry for being mistreated, disrespected..
Thank you foe your comment . i'm still crying
LaughThinkEvolve Your emotions matter and so do you ❤️ you can get through this :)
I love this comment
"IDK we'll see" - my current motto
haha yep
I second this!! .
I must say, the emotion that I am currently feeling 😌 is "Hapoy" a pleasurable emotion....not a good or bad emotion
que sera sera 😌
I really appreciate how relatable and real you are. You're such a treasure. Thank you.
I appreciate that!
true! THE WHOLE world need know about this, indeed.
I was very repressed by strict overprotective parents, so much so that I’ve internalized a lot of anger & was always the human doormat, even now I feel a lot of guilt/shame & second guess my emotions, it led to poor decisions.
I can relate and I'm back with them, now in our third lockdown in the UK...challenging is an understatement...no one is really talking and I just try and avoid my Dad's energy as if leaves me...I don't know but my mental health is suffering now.
I was raised by a narcissist so my experience may be extreme. I learned about CPTSD and narcissism which illuminated everything.
@@shaundaross123 I think once we have the awareness and knowledge, healing can start.
@@Froglet1968 absolutely
Me too. Doing EMDR therapy. It is helping a lot.
I love this series. Thank you so much for releasing it for free to the public. Know that you are helping tons of people, and leveling the playing field for those who may not be able to afford plenty of psych classes, but still want to learn for their personal health!
❤
She's a gem, ain't she? Thanks for all you do ✌❤
Q=0o2}n0
I used to think I had high emotional intelligence till I saw a few of these videos.
I'm dumb as a rock about emotions, but it's never too late to learn :)
After watching some of her videos I notice these sentences in soooo many of our replies " I am as dumb as a rock".. where did we pick up these messages? Don't know but not a rock. Only human.
Yeah I hear ya. This lines up with many people who label themselves "empaths" simply being very neurotic and easily disturbed, so actually less emotionally intelligent than others.
Hahaha. Stop. You just judged yourself again. 😊
@@Christopher-md7tfnever felt so called out by a CZcams comment
@@Christopher-md7tf some ppl have no idea of meaning of the words they are using..
"Many of us have been taught... to never make anyone else feel bad..."
*intense revelation*
That gets reinforced in my life when my brother condemns me for having any emotions he thinks are negative. I've seen him react to his own "negative" emotions in a violently angry manner but I am required to be Pollyanna.
"Thinking is difficult. That's why most people Judge" - Carl Jung. Thanks Emma this is very helpful!
I could never see anger as a primary emotion. It generally comes out of vulnerability; hurt, fear, shame, disappointment... Identifying which of these preceded or precipitated the 'anger leaves you more options for dealing with it
The Buddha gave a very similar simile with a farmer who lost an ox. He remained calm and found the ox later at his favorite spot. Our expectations and fears about the future are powerful
The Buddha sounds like a wise and good man. Doubtless he would have accepted the gospel of Jesus Christ as well should he have had the opportunity.
i love that Truth is truth regardless of the source.
Peace
Unlikely, Gautama Buddha was born some 500 years before Jesus Christ.
@@JeffBarron1, buddha has told the ultimate truth of life and the universe. of course, he had no problem with any other religion. because he knew the truth.it is far beyond our understanding. he described particles and thought and how they create a living being. once we realised the truth we will be free from all suffering. As a Buddhist ( i don't like to consider myself as a Buddhist. if I do so that will label me as a Buddhist and will be an obstacle to the path of enlightenment) I have been trying to understand and enlighten ( be awakened). according to budda the whole universe, we can see within ourselves. whatever physical, materialistic, or emotional. in Buddhism, emotions are described in deeper.
I had a huge anxiety attack yesterday. I woke up today with a little fear. This video helped me process think of a response and make a positive response. Yes. I do not like feeling afraid but I am happy because it’s ok to feel that way! Now I am happy because instead of dwelling I can smile and move on!
Be bold as lions in your walk today! ✝️❤️
After ignoring myself for years, I’m slowly working through these videos. They are fantastic. Thank you!!
Thank you for hope it can change ❤
I am being as candid as possible, I am a black female who have been in therapy for a minute. All I have ever asked for was tools to handle the experiences and I have never been provided them. I am truly thankful and I have watched a few of your videos and I have been able to assess myself, name the feeling and I am learning a lot more. I truly appreciate you. I pray that God bless you and your family.
Thank you!
Instead of judging emotions... Describe them.
I cannot believe this. I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was in jr high. (I’m 53 now) I am on meds for anxiety. I’m overwhelmed and can’t stop crying or be overly emotional without then. The world would literally feel like sand paper.
I’ve been working hard on myself recently and found this video series. I’m really hopeful to continue and work through it all.
I’m so so so thankful to have found you. And thank you for offering these on youtube.
Im feeling hopeful! 💞
I'm curious if it's been helping?
Hi@@Michi-mv2xn ... I've been working at things a lot... and Yes.... I'm finally feeling like my new and happier self. I'm truly feeling so grateful and blessed. @MelRobbins has a new podcast too (and I did a huge group coaching session with her)... Lots of other youtube videos that are inspirational and working on change too. You can 're-wire' your brain.
I didn't ever know who I'd be or if I'd still BE me if I shed my old M.O.- the sweet, caring, happy on the outside but melancholy/sad person deep inside- but things helped ... and there is hope! I haven't stopped my meds yet... but it's a possibility... but if not, I'm ok with that too. :)
If you want a happier self too... don't quit... because you deserve to have your best life!
@@dbunnysport So glad to hear you've moved forward.
Have you heard of Dr Joe Dispenza work? It's absolutely worth introducing to his teachings. He is a love and a practical knowledge bomb:))
I really appreciate this video! You did a great job at describing why it’s not helpful to classify unpleasant emotions as bad. Thanks for explaining why toxic positivity doesn’t work, and why we need to be honest with ourselves and be real with our emotions.
Glad it was helpful!
I found that helpful too.
"The more we suppress emotions, the more likely it is that our life is gonna not line up with the life we want"
This was a lightbulb moment for me. Thank you for making this invaluable information available for free!
I believed, as a child (teenager), that it is wrong to feel unpleasant emotions such as shame and worthlessness… i was bullied as a child, and it made me feel worthless. However my parents said to ignore it, and I believed that the fact that I feel shame means I’m not ignoring it - I need to not feel shame. Also it made me feel like the bullies had degraded me, like I had lost worth and was worthless. Also there was pressure on me to get the top marks - I believed it was the only way I could get some worth, and so I needed to feel ok in order to be able to do that. Also when I was a child, my Dad used to tell me off if I cried and would publicly say she looks like a cry baby. Also he would criticise me if I felt anxiety and say I should be like my brother.
We should all come together ❤ for this Gem 💎 and send her some blessings and an abundance of love 💘
I believe that anger is a huuge baddie! I get scared, even terrified into paralysis, when someone around me gets angry. As for myself, I stuff anger until I eventually explode in a verbal tirade. Also, I see fear and insecurity as unacceptable. I remember a family member scolding me for showing my fear, and that incident has really stuck with me. I find sadness quite acceptable, even poetic, but I withhold myself from expressing it to others because I am scared they will not care or respect my very intense emotions. I see as good emotions courage, confidence, and contentment. Although I rarely experience such feelings nowadays, I believe deep down that these are the only ones I can feel comfortable and safe expressing to myself and to others.
I have suppressed emotions my whole life... To the point where now 95% of the time I can't even tell myself how I feel. I've read about viewing them with curiosity and naming them... But it never really made sense till you put the example of Data!! I'm a total Trekkie and suddenly I could just... Understand!! Thank you for making a tough subject so simple!
I’ve been afraid that some emotions would over take me. Knowing that they are normal and God made them as part of life, has taught me I can still experience them and move through them. They aren’t contaminated emotions
For the most part I avoided anger and angry people, but that would come out in a passive way. If not expressed in a healthy way, they come out in a wiered way. Now I'm learning all emotions are valid as long as they are expressed in a respectful, constructive and healthy way.
Me too, Becky
@@samk.970 So true.
I remember the first time coming across the livestream, I saw a cat missing 1 leg, then another cat missing a leg, then Magic, who is missing both hind legs. It was so magical that these cats have a place to be cared for. ❤️❤️❤️
me 30 minutes ago: 30 vids? time to binge watch my way to a healthy mind
me three minutes into this video's exercise: absolutely bawling my eyes out, realizing what people mean when they talk about their inner child
y'all do the exercises/homework, they're actually worth frfr
Love the story of the farmer in the beginning. It reminds me of the mindfulness practice of neither resisting nor clinging to the changes and chances of life. All pleasure and pain eventually fade.
I am currently working through lots of childhood trauma and suppressed emotions but can't afford to go see a professional. I found this video course and I love it so far. I just watched the second video but it is amazing... While doing the exercises i already cried and was able to let go some of the pressure on top of me. You are a huge help and thank you so much for making this available for free
So glad you're benefitting from this. I too am guilty of trying to suppress my emotions for all my life. I'm astonished at how open I am now towards having emotions, this is making me feel happier. Hope you find yours too in this course.
That's why mindful meditation is incredible. You just let everything be without separating from it and recognize awareness of the present moment.
Thank you so much for making these videos. You have no idea how much you've improved my life. You have such a kind and gentle tone as well which makes your videos so much more palatable!
Wow, thank you!
Thank you. “You won’t just feel better, you will get better at feeling.” Love it!
Emma - thank you for giving so generously of your gifts. I have been suppressing my emotions and trying to be positive all the time for years. Your teaching style is so wonderfully effective - connecting with us in a clear and practical, down-to-earth way with compassion and humor. In this way - we can truly benefit from your clinical expertise . I am practicing identifying and feeling my emotions - "naming it to tame it" - thank you!
These sessions have saved me. You have no idea how many times I watch your videos on the way to work after struggling with anxiety all night. Thank you
It's not for the first time that i realise that for my parents there were no "good" emtions. I got scolded both for crying too loud or laughing too loud. No emotions were good, apparently. No wonder I'm such an emotional cripple.
I’m tremendously grateful to your kind person Emma, and to this invaluable channel, and please, do keep posting informative instructive and therapeutic videos like these. They have been enormously helpful to both me and my spouse. I can’t thank you enough!
Thanks Ather! Will do!
You should allow for the creation of subtitles. This needs to be shared across the globe.
As a Trekkie myself I sooo appreciate you included that short snippet of Data ♡
This video is unbelievably helpful. All my adult life I've been told, "deal with your feelings", or process your emotions, then move on", or "just feel and accept your feelings ". "Identify the cause. " What was never put into words was what next. "Just deal with them" leaves a void. It doesn't give validity to the informational value of emotions. It doesn't provide any guidance for those of us who never learned about "normal" development of internal pressures. I understand that this series isn't intended for huge trauma survivors, but it puts emotions on a comprehensible level for me. I have rewatched this video 7 times and put it in my watch later list. I think it will be useful to refer back in the future. Thank you from the bottom of my shriveled, twisted and growing heart.
Love the clip at the end! Perfect to make your point!
Thank you for making this available!
This was one of the most important things I learned in residential treatment last fall. My DBT therapist even read the same proverb at one point. As a little girl I was not allowed to feel angry - or rather, I was not allowed to express it with yelling or violence toward my little sister (because of course not). But as little kids, we don't generally know how to feel an emotion without acting on it. So I suppressed the anger whenever I felt it. I grew older and as I suppressed my anger more and more, I learned to scream into pillows and to be violent toward my own body. And then I started suppressing ALL of my "bad" emotions because I was avoiding the pain. Little did I know most of the pain was caused by letting the emotions rot and fester deep inside and whenever I was suppressing them again, oftentimes it was old stuff just leaking out again. This skill...this skill of being nonjudgmental toward my emotions was the first step to regulating my emotions when before I was just expected to skip right to regulating my (emotional) behaviors. No wonder I struggled - I was being set up for failure!
Thank you for this video x
Thank you very much. I really needed it . 🙏🙏🙏🌿
Thank you🙏❣love the clip at the end😄
Thank you! So helpful! And love the clip at the end! Hahaha
Thank you for your video!😊
Thank you for this session very insightful.
Thank you, Emma, have a great day!
Amazing. Thank you for sharing your knowledge 😊
Glad I found this channel. The content is so good. Thank you Emma for all the good work. So grateful...
Hi, from Texas! I just discovered this series, and your channel, through a friend. I’ve been subscribed a few weeks now. I cannot tell you how helpful this series has been for me! I’ve had to overcome a lot in my life, from abuse as a child to an abusive marriage, as an adult. My children and I were blessed to have abuse counseling, back where we used to live. It helped greatly. We moved, and I’m remarried to an amazing man. We’re both ministers. But I still want to learn about emotions and processing things in a healthy way. My hubby and I were both brought up in crazy households where we weren’t allowed to express ANY emotion, without judgement or ridicule. So we’re both now learning, as adults, the right way to process through things. This series is already opening my eyes to so much! It’s also helping me to understand our two teenage sons, and 8 year old son, to help them process through their emotions, too. They’ve overcome a lot in their lives, and I wanted to make sure to help them learn how to deal with emotions in a healthy way, since I was judged and misunderstood myself, as a child. Thank you so much for making this a free series on CZcams! I can’t wait to do the whole course! I’ve been taking a LOT of notes! I know God will help me use what I’m learning to help others, in the future. God bless you, and have a Happy New Year! 🎊
I fricking love your videos
This is so very helpful. Thank you!
Love this channel, it's a great service for people
Thank you so much for this video....it was really really helpful !! 😊
Thank you for doing these. The teeter totter analogy was a really good.
Powerfull message and so true... In my process is this item so important. Thank you!!
Great job done really appreciate your work
Thank you for posting something so valuable and easy to understand
Great content! Sometimes important we don't always notice!
Thank you so much for all your amazing work!
Thank you so much for your videos !:)
Thank you so much for this series
Fantastic content!
I cry after every video with hope and joy, because this is what I have been looking for for decades and many years of therapy. Thank you, Emma!
Aaaa I love the example with data at the end, very fitting :3 Thanks again for this course~
Thank you so much😀🙏 this video helps and explains so much.
Day 2 done! ✔️ Loved the video the end lol and I am excited to see what I can learn here! God bless you! 🙏💖
Thank you so much. You are really doing good in the world. :)
Super super helpful, watched several times, thank you 🙂
I must say that you're the best therapist on here. I love your videos! Thank You so much for doing this!
You are such a blessing 💞
I have attempted to meditate many times in my life and prior to this CD the only success I've experienced is with live guided meditation. czcams.com/users/postUgkxzpa8CIfZcihW4Z0F_ja0QF3W9KIatrsq This is the first CD I've used that cuts through my unmedicated ADHD and enables me to truly relax and experience a quiet and energizing interval. The instructors voice is very soothing and pleasant to listen to. I am easily able to sit successfully through the entire CD, and for quite some time after. I cannot adequately express how tremendously helpful this CD has been on my spiritual journey!! Two thumbs up and 10 stars!
Thank you for this playlist.
I really enjoyed the humorous video clip at the end of this segment!
This is very helpful. Thank you!
Thank you for making these Video. You are amazing.
Your awesome Emma. So very helpful to mental health.
thank you you been helping me a lot
You’re amazing !!
Love the way of your counseling, very personable, thank you 🙏🏼
Super amazing video..you truly are a gem
OMG, I just love that Data scene. Thanks for all the help. I’ll keep following your course. Thanks for sharing all this knowledge. You are helping a lot of people.
OMG... You are amazing! Thank you so much for hepling me get through a tough part of my life!:)
Thank YOU, I love your videos, you're helping me so much! God Bless You and your family always. YOU are a blessing
Your vids are life savers ❤
another great video thank you emma
thanks Bobby
The best course I've ever taken. I'm truly grateful to you for doing this for free. You're really helping me to understand and live a better life! Thank you so much ❤️
Yesterday I realized this series you created and watched the first one, then this one and catching at the end "homework". I wrote down every question you gave for this assignment but something about me wants to skip the homework and just binge watch your entire series instead. I see the value in taking the time and actually doing the work, especially since I really need to.
I started weekly therapy the end of last December, it's helpful but at the same time I feel it's not because I am finding that talking about my trauma experiences is causing me a lot of confusion, changes in my thoughts, causing me to experience emotions and behavior (things I say) that is not acceptable to me. I am recognizing and reacting to triggers that I ignored or didn't see before, then overthinking the situation, then overreacting afterwards, then overthinking my negative reaction, only to realize the problems that I am causing which then causes me to emotionally dysregulate. I am not in control of myself like I used to be. I am adding more trauma on top of all my unresolved past traumas.
I thought the purpose of therapy is to heal. I am not healing and talking about my traumas is certainly not helping! I liked how I was and the way I coped before I started talking about past traumas. Obviously, I ignored them and focused on life, responsibilities, family, business, and other important things that mattered. Before therapy, I thought I was a pro at being emotionally regulated, well I was and now I know why. I wasn't emotionally regulated, I just ignored my emotions, clearly is not a healthy way to be and live.
Before therapy, I didn't realize that I was ignoring my emotions and feelings I think most of my life, starting in childhood. In 5 months of therapy, I go in there and talk....all over the place, never staying on a single abuse story as well as rushing through it because I have so much to unpack. Obviously, I am doing this all wrong and need to find out from the professional what I need. I plan to go through this series and your homework assignments one day at a time, it just might be a while before I start the process because I feel the need to rush through it. Thank you for your content and taking the time using your knowledge to help others.
I just adore her! I learn so much in each video. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Exactly the video I wanted to watch atm.
Emma, as I am navigating what I describe as one of the worst and best periods of my life, I wanted to stop by the comment sections and express my deepest gratitude for the free and much needed therapy me and hundreds of thousands of people so desperately need to become the best versions of ourselves. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
LOVE the ending. Data is my favorite, next to Worf. You and your videos have been so helpful to me. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us.
love your videos. always offering practical advice
Glad you like them!
These videos are great. Thank you for adding the Star Trek clip. It warms my geeky heart.
you are wonderful, thankyou!
I feel the story works better when the farmer simply says "Maybe" every time, instead of "I don't know, we'll see."
Had more impact on me when I heard it that way.
But thank you for another excellent video!! 👍👏
I am so glad I discovered your channel! The content is great , and so helpful! You actually give us homework and push us to take action. It's not just motivational speeches which I am so sick of haha!
Thank you for all that you do!
This is so helpful. I am just realizing this about myself now and consciously trying to improve it ☺️
...I very recently lost a dear doggie-friend...the grief I feel is a reflection of the love we shared, I would not want it any other way...
I am already ready to learn😌.