To All the Perfectionists | How to Stop Perfectionism | Christian Girl Advice
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- Do you struggle with always wanting to be perfect or seem perfect? Do you feel like you're often putting on a mask in front of God or other people? Then this video is for you! These are four tips that have helped me take off my mask and be okay with being imperfect. The last tip is all about how perfectionism impacts our relationship with God, and what you can do about it. I hope this can be an encouragement to you! As always, comment your thoughts below. Love, Tiffany Dawn
RECOMMENDED READING:
"Are we really perfect just as we are?" by my friend Alyssa, up on my blog!! 👉 tiffanydawn.wo...
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Hey friends! I realized that Tip #2 (embrace imperfection) might come across meaning to embrace sin -- and that's not at all what I mean! So I did a second short little video to explain what I mean by this. I hope it can help you! czcams.com/video/XTEWRS0N0bM/video.html
Awww man!! So I’m not crazy 😝. I kept feeling like God just wanted to be with me but I always felt like it wasn’t enough. I’m always trying to grow and get better for God and I end up exhausted and confused when I’m still struggling with certain things. The fear is so real, the fear of disappointing God and others is why I’m the way I am.
No, you're not crazy at all! I totally relate to what you wrote! I'm so glad this video could encourage you
I definitely STRUGGLE with perfectionism. It has come down to the way I blink, touch my hair, from the 'big things', to the smallest actions, I always want to be perfect. This video has helped me to find the root of my problem , so now I will pray specifically to come as I am and use what I have to help others , instead of always trying to do or say what I see as perfect.
*Has anyone read "Live Fearless", or other Sadie Rbertson books?
What God has been really teaching me lately is that he loves me through my imperfections and his power is actually made perfect in weakness. And also that je doesn't expect me to be perfect and my best is enough for him but also my worst is enough for him- he loves me no matter what. I love how u mentioned that it's not about being perfect enough but just being close to God. One thing God has taught me is that he doesn't want perfection but he just wants us to draw near to him and admit that we need him.
Yes!! 2 Corinthians 12:9 - His power is made perfect in weakness. Beautiful! And it's so important to continue responding to Him as He leads us to work through different issues in our lives, but even right now, right in all the mess of this slow process of becoming more like Christ, even on our worst days and on our best days, He delights in us. And the closer we come to Him, the more He can change us from the inside out -- in ways we could never change ourselves. Love hearing what God is teaching you!!
Tiffany Dawn yeah!! It's amazing 😊
'why are we smelling the flowers? we're wasting time.' oh man, you don't know how true that is! Literally made me laugh out loud. I am currently taking some time off work for anxiety and stress and that is maddening to me. I want so much to be better now and be able to get on and do the things for God that I feel he has gifted me with. (And also I would love not to admit to those around me that I don't have everything together). So thank you for your words. They are a real encouragement.
Wow, I'm so impressed you're taking the time to really work through these struggles! That is amazing! I can imagine it must be frustrating. I too just want to be fixed already! But I'm so glad you have the courage to "stop and smell the flowers"! :)
I had the same response hahah
I've been struggling with the good works mindset lately. I realized this past week I had been doing those things for the wrong reasons, and that I got so caught up in the routine of it rather than having spontaneous and raw time with God.
That's so cool you were able to realize that this week! It's so easy to get caught up in the routine of it and not really get to connect with God -- I definitely struggle with that a lot! And it's such a dichotomy, because all the things we do in the routine are so helpful and good, but we have to sometimes pause and ask God to help us not to go through the motions and instead to really connect with Him. I'll be praying for you as God guides you through this!
This was amazing. you are amazing. He is amazing. So much truth Tiffany. You have such a beautiful way of delivering these things and sharing the heart of God. Love you girl.
Awwww, thank you!!! That means a lot!
I wore a mask for years and sometimes feel like I can slip back into that mentality. Thanks for the video.
Oh my goodness, same here! And I almost don't even realize I'm doing it! I'm so glad this could encourage you.❤️
Tiffany I’ve been following you for some time. I came across your video and oh my gosh! I’m also a perfectionist and everything you said on that video hit me to the core. Your words of encouragement is going to help me thank you so much God bless you.
Hi Friend! Just wanted to say thank you for this message. I am currently trying to let go of the weaknesses of perfectionism and this video really helped and encouraged me. God bless you!
Thank you for posting this. I needed to hear it.
I've been struggling with this my whole life I'm 34. Understanding that this spirit of perfectionism is the reason why my life has been so hard, and why I've been struggling in my walk and with my self esteem, among other things- is an answer to prayer and fasting. In the back of my mind and in my heart I have known I had this struggle. What I didn't know was that perfectionism was the root of all this evil. Knowing better doesn't always make things better if that makes sense. My husband lovingly told me I have an issue with this, because I beat myself up and don't see things from a correct perspective. He was telling me how only I see the negative things about myself. I see my flaws, all that I do wrong, all I didn't do, ways I can do things better, but I never believe or see or give value to the good I've done or what God is doing in me and through me. Other people see my good but not me, and when they tell me I don't believe them. So in seeking the Lord I found this video. I've got some work to do in Him next, but this helped a lot. Don't let this issue seep into your self worth, your walk or any other area my family in Christ, see it for what it is ... A lie. God bless you all. Thank you for this video!
So excited for Monday devos!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 your hair looks great as well! Me and a friend from church said that sometimes being open with imperfections can bless people! Love that verse about cracks! Beautiful video! And yes! The gift and the weakness!!! Like the signature sin thing!! In fact, I like how you put it better! - Est X
Yes exactly!! I really think that openness blesses others, and helps them know they can also be vulnerable. Vulnerability is such a beautiful thing! I loved that signature sin thing you shared with me the other day - it was so encouraging :):)
This is just a beautiful message. I can do feel this. It just touches me. Thank you!
I'm so glad!!
This video spoke to my heart so well. Especially your example not to clean every time your house so well so that imperfection could as well be a blessing to sisters in christ or so. That also made me really sad because I remembered my parents saying years ago how God has put on their hearts to organize youth nights on their home but they never did, mostly I think because of the house wasn't perfect, wasn't new or everything wasn't so nice on their opinion. And this video encourages me so much to think how we might walk pass God's will / some thing he has put on our heart /dream what ever if we're trying to be perfect or if we are insecure about our circumstances and houses but not to BRING THOSE THINGS TO GOD!! Hopefully you got my struggling sentences, English is not my first language 😜😜 be blessed sis!!
This helped me so much! I related a lot and I think that's what you were saying that sometimes purposefully telling and allowing people to see our HUMAN faults, it inspires them too and they can relate and we can help each other out! Yes, my perfectionism is based on fear. Afraid to look less than perfect and people wouldn't like me because of it or let people down for not being/doing my best. But if my weaknesses can show the grace of God than so be it! Kelly Needham (wife of Jimmy Needham) has an awesome blog and on a post she talked about perfectionism that God sometimes allows us to purposefully fail so that we can not rely on our self-accomplishments but find our desires and needs in Him alone! :) Thank you for the tips! I think just reminding myself how loved I am by God and that nothing I do or don't do can add or take away from that, that no one is perfect and my imperfection can inspire, perfectionism is sin because it's self-centered and prideful.
That's SO true, I was telling my mom the other day how your strengths can be your weaknesses and your weaknesses can be your strengths! That's why we need to BE with GOD because the fruit of spirit of temperance/moderation :)
Great advice as usual. I am an occasional boarderline perfectionist, some things i am adomant that it comes out perfect while other things i just couldn't be bothered.
I’m just like you... and honestly I’d never thought it would affect my walk with God till I watched this. Thank you for opening up to share your thoughts!
Thanks sista
I’d love to hear more thought from your journey with perfectionism, if you have an update. Your words are really impactful thank you
Ahhhh great idea! I think right now it's all about working through some approval addiction. Which I'm hoping to do a video on later this year......eek!!
Thank you so much for sharing everything you do. I can relate to almost all of your videos and they have been such a huge blessing to me. I have struggled with anxiety, depression, and perfectionism for a long time. I'm no longer okay with just living like that. God has been doing a lot of work on me and sometimes I feel like I should hurry up and be better. Thank you for reminding me that it's a long-term process.
I appreciate your videos so much!
I'm so glad they've been able to encourage you! Thank you for taking the time to share that with me! I totally relate to the wanting to hurry up and be better. Learning that it's a long-term process has been both freeing and sometimes frustrating for me!! Haha, but I think mostly freeing :):)
@@TiffanyDawn When I think about it I try to leave some things not "perfect." After watching this video I made my bed and accidentally put a blanket on differently than I normally do. I decided to leave it. That was actually a big struggle, but then I moved on with my day and didn't think about it again. I want to keep embracing the imperfections in myself and others and be grateful for where I am and where I've been.
Oh goodness, Tiffany you totally read my mind. I'm a complete perfectionist. It is such a HUGE struggle with me. Thank you for making this video and sharing your tips!! I'll definitely be coming back to this video often💕
I'm so glad it could be an encouragement to you!! That's really encouraging to me! Actually, I think you'd LOVE the book "Sensible Shoes" if this is something you really struggle with. It's about these four women who go on this journey to grow in God, and one of them is a perfectionist, and it's about the things God teaches her and each of the other women. It's BEAUTIFUL & sooooo helpful!!
Wish I had this during my first year of college! You always resonate with me so well! This video is absolutely on point.
Wow! I wish I could like this video 10 times! God used you so much to speak to my heart! Totally can relate!
Oh I'm so glad! That makes me so happy!
Great message, Tiffany. THANK YOU! You made your point very clear and I don't really know how anyone could think you ment embracing sin. Kisses from Poland. BTW, you are so sweet.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! And hugs back from New York!
YAY TO MONDAY DEVOS!!!!! LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT!!! 💞💞💞💞💞
YAY!!! I'm so glad you're excited too!! :):):)
This video was sooo relatable! I can totally be a perfectionist as well! Thanks for sharing this ❤️
I'm so glad it was able to encourage you!❤️
This is so good. What I needed to her. Thanks, Tiffany!! :)
I really needed to hear this. Such a good message !
So good! Thank you for the message.
Thank you that is exactly what I needed! !
Thanks a lot... this is relatable
Literally so relatable!
Tiffany, thank you so much for this.
Thank you so much
Perfect timing! ♡
Wooow thank you, Tiffany where can I get the book you mentioned you have been reading, would want to read it too
Personally for me, whilst I know God would not hate me for my imperfections and loves me despite them, to "embrace" imperfect qualities to me sounds like not working on your actual weaknesses. God gives us strength through weakness by humbling ourselves, and being able to help others with those same weaknesses, at least that's the theme I get from Paul's writings and many others too. I personally do not think God wants you to just do nothing. He wants you to respond to Him. Which I think is also noticing and working on actual character imperfections with God through prayer, bible study and worship not like personality quirks.
I see the dangers of perfectionism as you think you will be good enough for God to be saved by works, despite the fact you are already being saved by accepting Jesus as Lord. God works through you with the Holy Spirit to change and to be more like God. Being a perfectionist nullified that promise and is almost pride full really, like the Pharisees. They were stuck in their arrogance and having a tunnel vision attitude towards scripture almost. It almost as if they were saying "I don't need God to change me, I can change me, look how holy I am" which of course is wrong.
I have to admit that the relationship aspect is a weakness I have considering my relations with my parents is a bit one sided. But obeying God seemed to have developed the relationship between Him and His followers throughout Scripture and probably emotional support aswell and admitting their mistakes to God and growing from that. So whilst focusing on how imperfect you are only leads to despair which God does not want and does distract you from your closeness with God from developing, I do not think He wants you to disregard your imperfections either.
If anyone would like to correct my thoughts with scripture based stuff then I'd greatly appreciate it. I would not like to be flawed in my thinking. Also if anything sounded unclear, just say.
Anyway Tiffany the video got me thinking about my attitude towards my relationship with God so I thank you for that :).
Oh this is such a great comment! I hadn't even thought of what I was saying in that way, so I really appreciate you pointing out how it could be interpreted that way! I completely agree that we need to respond to God and work through our character flaws, and should not embrace sin in our lives. That is not at all what I was intending to say. When I think about embracing imperfections, it's not at all about embracing sin; it's about embracing where God has us on the journey to sanctification, and allowing people to see the areas where we struggle, instead of trying to hide them. And when I say embracing the imperfections, I don't mean holding onto sin, but instead allowing our lives to not always look "perfect," as in not Stepford-wives. Hence my example of not making my house look perfectly clean, but instead letting it look lived in. It's not sin to have a messy house, but sometimes there's this pressure to always look more perfect than we are, but I think it's far more helpful to show our mistakes and imperfections, even as we're working through them. Not that we have to show them to everyone, but definitely to those we trust. I think of it like 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, how Paul was glad to share and even boast about his weaknesses -- the hardships he was going through, the struggles he had, and he even talked about not doing what he wanted to do and vise versa -- because when he realized he was weak and didn't try to pretend he was more perfect than he was, then God's strength and power were at work in him. I think that's what letting go of perfectionism is all about -- not embracing sin, but embracing the process of what God is doing in our hearts, instead of trying to do it all ourselves or pretending we have it all together (kind of like you were saying). I hope this helps explain! Now I have to think about if I need to do a second version of this video because I think a few people understood it the way you did, and I definitely don't want it to sound like we should embrace sin! 😂 But I'm so glad it was able to encourage you in your relationship with God! Thank you so, so much for sharing this!!
Tiffany Dawn
No its ok. I thought I actually sounded disrespectful and I may have offended people in the comments saying the importance of God looking past our imperfections. Idk I always see "embracing imperfections" as embracing flaws which are actually not good to embrace. I'm a bit of a pessimist sometimes XD.
Thanks for taking your time to reply and clarifying. It would be helpful to make a video but if you are swamped with work you could hold off on it.
And yeah talking to others about issues you experience and showing others you CAN share them with God is really important and helpful, especially with people new to the faith who are serious about it.
I have a LONG way to go and when I feel like dirt to God I do have a habit of not addressing it straight away, which then makes me feel worse. I think God has changed me but I feel like it's my fault for not being better than I am now but it could also be God's pace for my development.
What do you think?
EDIT: I've also been afraid of revealing what I am struggling with for various reasons but one huge reason would be because of "judgement of others" or unhelpful remarks and the fact that unless I am improving in some way in my struggle, how is this going to help anyone, it's just complaining about a situation that's your own fault to begin with. However I only apply this to myself, as if others share their weaknesses to me, I feel they want help from me (which is an honour in my opinion) or feel I'm not alone, or it actually helps with my struggle.
It's a weird double standard, I know but have you ever felt similar?
Oh my goodness, no you did not sound disrespectful at all!! You were so gracious! ❤️ And I could totally see how the video could sound that way. That's the hard part about filming these videos, is the things we say can so easily be misunderstood in a way we never even considered, just because everyone listens from a different perspective and different life experiences. So I'm really, really glad you pointed that out! I actually dropped what I was doing and recorded another video 😂 which just went live -- I hope it can help explain this better! Here's the link: czcams.com/video/XTEWRS0N0bM/video.html -- would love to hear your thoughts on this and if it makes more sense.
And yes, I totally think our journey to sanctification is slower than we'd like. And honestly, I think that's because it goes so much deeper than we could ever imagine! It's one thing to change a habit or something on the surface, but God wants to get to the depths of our hearts and change us there. And that process takes time. And I really don't think He's in a rush -- at least not as big a rush as I'm in!! 😂 I talk about that "slow process of sanctification" a little more in this video: czcams.com/video/tQKc87FsIX4/video.html
I mean it's one thing if God is convicting you of something that He wants to work with you through and you aren't open to letting Him work on that with you...that could certainly slow down your growth in a negative way...but I think as long as we're surrendering and responding to the things He brings up in our hearts, we're on track. And we often have to surrender over and over and over, and it can feel like one step forward and two steps back! But that's just part of the process. I think there are often other lessons God is also teaching us at the same time as we're stumbling through any particular sin issue -- like lessons about how to stand back up when we fall, or about how much He loves us even in our mess, and so on.
But I do think it is a slow process, because deep work tends to be slow work.
And I totally get that fear of sharing my struggles with others, even as I'm honored to hear their struggles! Yes, I totally struggle with that same thing to this day! It takes such deep courage and humility for me to be able to open up to other people about things I'm currently struggling with. So you're definitely not alone in that!! :):)
Anyway, thank you SO MUCH for having the courage to share your honest thoughts on this video -- that means so much to me and was super helpful!! ❤️❤️
Tiffany Dawn
Hi Tiffany.
Just saw the video. I guess I learnt something today about acknowledging imperfections.
There's still something odd to me. I hope I do not seem to critical of you, I think I am at a lower point with Christ than you so I don't know if it is even fair to critique. EDIT: But I feel like showing my imperfection to others would not help them. Discussing it maybe but showing it would seem like encouraging such behaviour and I know that's not what you mean. I guess looking at Paul he is discussing his struggles to those people in Galatia, Rome etc. but not actually displaying that behaviour to those people. I forget what specific scripture it is but we are told to be salt of the earth, to be separate from this world, and being examples to those weak in their faith.
But I guess since I'm quite dense, I'd like you to maybe give an example of what you mean by showing your imperfections.
Seriously though I'm glad you have discussed this with me. Maybe I'm too hard on myself (or maybe you're too lax XD just kidding).
Thank you and you are great :).
Hi Tiffany, thank you!! What is the book you mentioned in the beginning??
It's called "Lifesigns : intimacy, fecundity, and ecstasy in Christian perspective" by Henri Nouwen. :)
What was the book you mentioned when you quoted, "leaving the house of fear and entering the house of love?"
Why are we smelling flowers..we're wasting time. so funny!
Your vids are so cute!
PLEASE READ MATTHEW 5:48
Hi!! Thank you so much for commenting! I think I may not have explained myself as well as I thought in the video, because I think a few people took what I was saying as meaning to embrace sin, which is most definitely NOT what I was meaning! 😂 I wrote a comment up above that I'll copy part of here: When I think about embracing imperfections, it's not at all about embracing sin; it's about embracing where God has us on the journey to sanctification, and allowing people to see the areas where we struggle, instead of trying to hide them. And when I say embracing the imperfections, I don't mean holding onto sin or glorifying it, but instead allowing our lives to not always look "perfect," as in not being Stepford-wives. Hence my example of not making my house look perfectly clean, but instead letting it look lived in. It's not sin to have a messy house, but sometimes there's this pressure to always look more perfect than we are, but I think it's far more helpful to show our mistakes and imperfections, even as we're working through them. I think in church it's easy to get sucked into this mentality that I have to look perfect and seem perfect. Not that we have to share our struggles with everyone, but definitely with those we trust. I think of it like 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, how Paul was glad to share and even boast about his weaknesses -- the hardships he was going through, the struggles he had, and he even talked about not doing what he wanted to do and vise versa -- because when he realized he was weak and didn't try to pretend he was more perfect than he was, then God's strength and power were at work in him. I think that's what letting go of perfectionism is all about -- not embracing sin, but embracing the process of what God is doing in our hearts, instead of trying to do it all ourselves or pretending we have it all together (kind of like you were saying). I hope this helps explain! Now I have to think about if I need to do a second version of this video because I think a few people understood it the way you did, and I definitely don't want it to sound like we should embrace sin! 😂
What was the Corinthians Bible verse you mentioned?
The one about boasting in weakness is 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 :)
I like to think I'm a 'reformed perfectionist', I had to change it was ruining my life 😂
Hahaha - I hear you!!