My son was an easy child when he was younger, I could just talk to him and the issues would rectify. Now he is 15 and he goes out without permission, stays out after his curfew... I just can't seem to get through to him at all. Last night was my breaking point and realisation I need to be much much firmer. He was an hour late home but I chose to not say much as I knew I would explode at him. I think I'll be binging your videos today to help me structure a plan for moving forward. Thank you.
I blew up at my teenager this morning for disrespect and ignoring me. Just found your channel and feel grounded already with the clear steps. Do you have videos on recovering from blow-ups? Ugh. I know I’m not the only parent to blow my lid, but I feel a lot of shame and failure. Single mom of teenage daughter here.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this. I'm a huge believer of redos. It's okay to go back to it later when everyone is calm and say, "Hey. I'm sorry for losing my calm with you earlier. Let's try that interaction again and do it how it should have gone." Then you do it again! It gives you the opportunity to be humble and to make the situation right.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment thank you for taking the time to reply! Redos are something we still do, it’s been better, longer stretches between blow ups. I have worked on regulating my nervous system and emotions before reacting. Good luck to all.
@@LS-zx7ep it’s getting better, but there are still times we get upset. I am working on regulating myself and getting calm before confrontation. I also found some helpful tips from other parenting resources. I think you first gotta take care of yourself, regulate your nervous system, be strategic how you communicate with the goal to connect versus Shame/guilt/yell. All of that is counterproductive. Teens’ brains work differently than ours, so also gotta choose your battles and manage your expectations. I think if you connect to them, show them what respect looks like, they are more receptive to listening and opening up. I truly wish you peace!
This is great info; I unfortunately need to take phone away from my child bc they have been doing things behind my back- and I am working on keeping calm before I approach the situation - thank you again
You!! Don’t worry about comments or likes now... Just Go on with a capital G because you are Good!!! I really value the production effort you put into your talks. You’ll be right on back in the green light again...soon... just don’t stop being and doing whatever makes you come on here and talk... Please!?!?! ❤️❤️
I think you are absolutely right about the phone or any technology. Thank you so much for your advises they are all positive and have helping me to improve myself.
I can't find a place to email you, and I really need help. I tried this method and my son just yelled at me about how stupid it is, how he doesn't want to follow "all the speeches" (steps of 4 Life Skills), and he can't stand it that I'm refusing to get mad no matter how much he yells at me. I had an outline of your steps for what to do when a child refuses a consequence, and I walked all the way through the rule of threes (he yelled at me the whole time and didn't hear most of it), and then at the end, I took away all his privileges for 24 hours, as the consequence he had earned for choosing to not follow the consequences. He's now missing his own birthday party, and I want to give it back to him, but I don't know how right now. He's crying from anger in the kitchen and I'm at the computer desperately refusing to get mad, and totally lost about how to move from here. Please please help. I'm going to buy your book and your course and I will take those, but what do I do right now?
Ok, so Update. I refused to be drawn into the anger. I was upset by his outbursts, but I am committed that we will not handle our problems with anger or aggression in this house. So I controlled what I could, and that was myself. I simply refused to yell, or to scold, or to respond to his anger with my own. The only decision I kept making over and over in my head was "No matter what, I will not get angry right now. I will stay calm." I wasn't sure what "right" was for an action, but I chose to ignore his outburst (I kept repeating "I want to talk with you, we can solve this together, but we have to choose to be calm first." And then sat where he could see me until he calmed himself down and he actually came to me and initiated a calm conversation. At that point, we talked through his concerns and his anxieties, and I addressed them one at a time, I explained why our family was moving to a new system, why it was important for us to work as a team (with him having jobs and I have a job, and his Dad and brother have a job, we're all in this together). He accepted those explanations, and completed one extra chore as a consequence for not following instructions in the first place. I chose not to give him extra consequences for all the times in between because this is new for all of us and grace seemed appropriate. I am so glad to have found you. I am so glad to be learning and growing together as a family to do better about conflict resolution and communication. Books are ordered and in the mail! We'll join the course in September. We're ready to get better at this! Thank you!
The best way to reach out to me is at support@teachingselfgovernment.com or fill out a form with your question for me. teachingselfgovernment.com/contact/ I hope that helps!
I'm not even a mom I'm just a kid but I'm gonna do this to my friend she uses her phone way too much She never hangs out with me she is always on TikTok like why come over if you don't wanna play
How about teenagers on the Autism Spectrum, and how can different needs be met for each teenager on the Autism Spectrum, Down Syndrome, Intellectual Disabilities or other issues?
That is a wonderful question to be asked on my Support Group weekly call! If you're not already part of my support group, here's the link for more information on it: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope to hear from you there!
Could you tell the other 3 negative consequences? I liked what you said about the chore teaches self government and vs. taking something away. I would like to hear the other 3.
I think you're referring to the Rule of 3. Here's a video that explains that: czcams.com/video/1EVYVgWiJtc/video.html&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZSBvZg%3D%3D I hope that helps! Also, sorry for the late reply. :)
Would you be able to make almost a role play example of what this video may look like in a potential real life scenario? I get the theory of what you're saying, but I would like to see what that would look like. Please and thank you!
So how do I deal with a young adult child still living with me and part time working and paying part of the rent, but spending a lot of time on electronics and leaving her stuff all over the house and not participating much in house work. Thanks
That is a great question! I actually just answered a question very similar to this last week. The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too! If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/ I hope this helps!
Thanks for asking! I study so many things and I just don't have the time to document, cite, or dig things up again. I'm so sorry if that answer isn't what you were wanting, but it's the truth.
I liked you until I heard foster mom. My kids were legally kidnapped by people like y'all. My kids are messed up in their heads now. Give them chores? Well what if they say no? So you ground them, so they go into their room, slamming doors and cussing, threatening to kill themselves and others. So you try to take away their phone and they walk out the door, and stay gone for 3 days. Oh well, because they don't have any respect for you to begin with because they believe what cps and the foster parents told them about you. I'm about ready to place my daughter in a rtc. Taking her phone is unavailable. And her phone is the gateway to her self destructive behavior.
I'm so sorry you have had such a negative experience with foster care. I know it's a different experience for everyone, especially considering the vast difference in perspective from those fostering children and those whose children are being fostered. From my perspective, I wanted the best possible environment and experience for the children that came into my home and I did everything I could to give it to them. One of the biggest reasons why children are fostered is because their original home environment is lacking proper, healthy structure and support. I know I was able to give that structure to the youth that were in my home and they were all the better for it. The happiness and joy they felt and expressed to me was worth every hardship and inconvenience that came with fostering children. It was a wonderful experience for me and for those I had the blessing of interacting with.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment It's nice that you had a better experience in your home but now that Kimberly is in the situation that she's in, how would you respond to her questions about her daughters rebellious behavior? I'm sure there are many parents in the same situation and I totally agree about these phones causing most of the problems.
My son was an easy child when he was younger, I could just talk to him and the issues would rectify. Now he is 15 and he goes out without permission, stays out after his curfew... I just can't seem to get through to him at all. Last night was my breaking point and realisation I need to be much much firmer. He was an hour late home but I chose to not say much as I knew I would explode at him. I think I'll be binging your videos today to help me structure a plan for moving forward. Thank you.
There are lots of people in situations similar to yours. There's hope! You've got this!
teachingselfgovernment.com/tsg-parenting-course/
I blew up at my teenager this morning for disrespect and ignoring me. Just found your channel and feel grounded already with the clear steps. Do you have videos on recovering from blow-ups? Ugh. I know I’m not the only parent to blow my lid, but I feel a lot of shame and failure. Single mom of teenage daughter here.
Hi ! How did it went with your daughter now ? My daughter disrespect me and I’m so frustrated.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this. I'm a huge believer of redos. It's okay to go back to it later when everyone is calm and say, "Hey. I'm sorry for losing my calm with you earlier. Let's try that interaction again and do it how it should have gone." Then you do it again! It gives you the opportunity to be humble and to make the situation right.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment thank you for taking the time to reply! Redos are something we still do, it’s been better, longer stretches between blow ups. I have worked on regulating my nervous system and emotions before reacting. Good luck to all.
@@LS-zx7ep it’s getting better, but there are still times we get upset. I am working on regulating myself and getting calm before confrontation. I also found some helpful tips from other parenting resources. I think you first gotta take care of yourself, regulate your nervous system, be strategic how you communicate with the goal to connect versus Shame/guilt/yell. All of that is counterproductive. Teens’ brains work differently than ours, so also gotta choose your battles and manage your expectations. I think if you connect to them, show them what respect looks like, they are more receptive to listening and opening up. I truly wish you peace!
You’re right consequences are key. That cell phone being taken away sure is a big consequence for a teen
This is great info; I unfortunately need to take phone away from my child bc they have been doing things behind my back- and I am working on keeping calm before I approach the situation - thank you again
Sounds like you're on the right track!
You!! Don’t worry about comments or likes now... Just Go on with a capital G because you are Good!!! I really value the production effort you put into your talks. You’ll be right on back in the green light again...soon... just don’t stop being and doing whatever makes you come on here and talk... Please!?!?! ❤️❤️
Thank you, Nate! I plan on going strong for quite some time yet. :)
You can put parental control and manage the time on the phone
I think you are absolutely right about the phone or any technology. Thank you so much for your advises they are all positive and have helping me to improve myself.
I'm so glad you're finding useful information and applying it to yourself. That's the best thing to do!
Pure GEM. Every parent, including soon-to-be parents, should at least subscribe to this channel.
Ms. Peck you're great!
Thank you! I'm sure you're great too!
I can't find a place to email you, and I really need help. I tried this method and my son just yelled at me about how stupid it is, how he doesn't want to follow "all the speeches" (steps of 4 Life Skills), and he can't stand it that I'm refusing to get mad no matter how much he yells at me. I had an outline of your steps for what to do when a child refuses a consequence, and I walked all the way through the rule of threes (he yelled at me the whole time and didn't hear most of it), and then at the end, I took away all his privileges for 24 hours, as the consequence he had earned for choosing to not follow the consequences. He's now missing his own birthday party, and I want to give it back to him, but I don't know how right now. He's crying from anger in the kitchen and I'm at the computer desperately refusing to get mad, and totally lost about how to move from here. Please please help. I'm going to buy your book and your course and I will take those, but what do I do right now?
Ok, so Update. I refused to be drawn into the anger. I was upset by his outbursts, but I am committed that we will not handle our problems with anger or aggression in this house. So I controlled what I could, and that was myself. I simply refused to yell, or to scold, or to respond to his anger with my own. The only decision I kept making over and over in my head was "No matter what, I will not get angry right now. I will stay calm." I wasn't sure what "right" was for an action, but I chose to ignore his outburst (I kept repeating "I want to talk with you, we can solve this together, but we have to choose to be calm first." And then sat where he could see me until he calmed himself down and he actually came to me and initiated a calm conversation. At that point, we talked through his concerns and his anxieties, and I addressed them one at a time, I explained why our family was moving to a new system, why it was important for us to work as a team (with him having jobs and I have a job, and his Dad and brother have a job, we're all in this together). He accepted those explanations, and completed one extra chore as a consequence for not following instructions in the first place. I chose not to give him extra consequences for all the times in between because this is new for all of us and grace seemed appropriate.
I am so glad to have found you. I am so glad to be learning and growing together as a family to do better about conflict resolution and communication. Books are ordered and in the mail! We'll join the course in September. We're ready to get better at this! Thank you!
The best way to reach out to me is at support@teachingselfgovernment.com or fill out a form with your question for me.
teachingselfgovernment.com/contact/
I hope that helps!
That's really great! Thank you!@@TeachingSelfGovernment
I needed these videos years ago!
I like the idea of not giving them the phone until they are ready.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Love this❤️ thank you sharing.
You are so welcome!
I'm not even a mom I'm just a kid but I'm gonna do this to my friend she uses her phone way too much She never hangs out with me she is always on TikTok like why come over if you don't wanna play
Lol that’s so cute
She must not have her own phone. That's hurtful to use u. 😔
🗽🏙Thank You!
You are so welcome!
How about teenagers on the Autism Spectrum, and how can different needs be met for each teenager on the Autism Spectrum, Down Syndrome, Intellectual Disabilities or other issues?
That is a wonderful question to be asked on my Support Group weekly call! If you're not already part of my support group, here's the link for more information on it: teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope to hear from you there!
Could you tell the other 3 negative consequences? I liked what you said about the chore teaches self government and vs. taking something away. I would like to hear the other 3.
I think you're referring to the Rule of 3. Here's a video that explains that:
czcams.com/video/1EVYVgWiJtc/video.html&pp=ygUWbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZSBvZg%3D%3D
I hope that helps! Also, sorry for the late reply. :)
I so appreciate you!
Thank you!
I needed your videos so much ,now I just need to take time to listen to them all,then apply skills.
Would you be able to make almost a role play example of what this video may look like in a potential real life scenario? I get the theory of what you're saying, but I would like to see what that would look like. Please and thank you!
Why when I’m trying to find out one thing from you I have to go to ANOTHER VIDEO GEEEEZ.
So how do I deal with a young adult child still living with me and part time working and paying part of the rent, but spending a lot of time on electronics and leaving her stuff all over the house and not participating much in house work. Thanks
That is a great question! I actually just answered a question very similar to this last week. The full answer to your question is too long to type up here, but I'd love to learn more about your situation and have the opportunity to answer your question on my weekly Support Group calls that happen Wednesday mornings at 8am MST. That way, other people that have similar questions and concerns to yours can hear the answer too!
If you’re interested in talking with me more about it, check out the link for more information:
teachingselfgovernment.com/store/support-group/
I hope this helps!
What are the 4 neg consequences? That is where I struggle. The punishment that fits the crime
Maybe this video can clear up the confusion:
czcams.com/video/1EVYVgWiJtc/video.html&pp=ygUVbmljaG9sZWVuIHBlY2sgcnVsZW9m
I hope that helps!
Can you please name some of these studies? Thank you so much for your work.
Thanks for asking! I study so many things and I just don't have the time to document, cite, or dig things up again. I'm so sorry if that answer isn't what you were wanting, but it's the truth.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment Thank you. I just thought would be useful because I deal with teenager that does´t believe phones are harmful.
I liked you until I heard foster mom. My kids were legally kidnapped by people like y'all. My kids are messed up in their heads now. Give them chores? Well what if they say no? So you ground them, so they go into their room, slamming doors and cussing, threatening to kill themselves and others. So you try to take away their phone and they walk out the door, and stay gone for 3 days. Oh well, because they don't have any respect for you to begin with because they believe what cps and the foster parents told them about you. I'm about ready to place my daughter in a rtc. Taking her phone is unavailable. And her phone is the gateway to her self destructive behavior.
I would love to hear her response.
I'm so sorry you have had such a negative experience with foster care. I know it's a different experience for everyone, especially considering the vast difference in perspective from those fostering children and those whose children are being fostered. From my perspective, I wanted the best possible environment and experience for the children that came into my home and I did everything I could to give it to them. One of the biggest reasons why children are fostered is because their original home environment is lacking proper, healthy structure and support. I know I was able to give that structure to the youth that were in my home and they were all the better for it. The happiness and joy they felt and expressed to me was worth every hardship and inconvenience that came with fostering children. It was a wonderful experience for me and for those I had the blessing of interacting with.
@@TeachingSelfGovernment
It's nice that you had a better experience in your home but now that Kimberly is in the situation that she's in, how would you respond to her questions about her daughters rebellious behavior?
I'm sure there are many parents in the same situation and I totally agree about these phones causing most of the problems.