Non binary: girl or a boy?
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
- Is that a girl or a boy? Or... wait... I don't get it.
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I had a five year old walk up to me and ask me if I was a girl or a boy and I then I said "well, what do you think?" And then she got scared and ran away..
My reading buddy at school called me a boy then the teacher explained that im a girl but i think hes covinced im a boy
how dumb are you. so basically when a 5 year old walks up to you and states that they do not know whether you are a girl or boy, from that you deduce and agree with that 5 year old's assumption that being male or female can be deduced/determined by which clothes you are wearing and how your hair is styled, not it can be seen from your genitals, from what is beneath your clothing, or from whether you have xx or xy chromosomes. congratulations, you are as stupid as one 5 year old.
Weirdo With Glasses Lmao Im saying this to the next person who asks
I am 47 & I love the way the younger generation is becoming fluid in gender identity. I wish I had been able to grow up in this new awakening. I have the opposite feeling then you when people mistake my gender. I am mistaken for a male at times and I am SOOOOO happy when it happens, and I am annoyed when the person realizes their mistake and says, "oh I meant ma'am." I have always cringed at being called ma'am. I am a mom and I am old, so I feel trapped. I have always been gender queer, but didn't have a word for it. There are things I like about being female, but if I were young I would switch genders. Hopefully, someday there will be a designation for those who don't want to have to be called either sir or ma'am.
Am 45 and just going with it bit by bit going with the grunge look is a great way to tip toe into it and if it's not you it's ok .
"HI!"
me: yep I'm in love with you.
"I dun geddit." that made me laugh. :)
so, is it okay to ask for someone's pronouns? is that offensive, especially if you don't know them? i've seen people introduce themselves in a purposefully ambiguous way, and i want to ask just so that i don't make a mistake, but i also don't want to be rude...
+Vidisha Jha I would be happy that someone bothered to ask my pronouns. I personally (as genderfluid) would be okay with asking my pronouns, but if you were asking me my gender I would find that more offensive on the first time or brief meeting.
+Vidisha Jha Asking pronouns is totally okay!
Flames1388 Ashley Wylde Okay, thanks! :D
+Vidisha Jha Asking is completely fine, especially if it's in a genuine way and not being an ass.
As long as you ask respectfully, it is very well received when you ask someone's pronouns. It shows that you care for their comfort.
You speak so well
You are such a beautiful human being. Keep doing what your doing! xx
Thank you, Sam!
🤢
I just don't think you should get mad for people thinking you're a boy at first when you choose an appearance that looks male ...
I am who I am and that's all that I am
"Sharon, what's that....I don't get it.." LMAO that had me rolling! Thanks for the laughs and your brilliance that you continue to share with the world.
I just found you on youtube, i don't even know how. but i love you to pieces, your personality is so funny and you are always yourself. The end of the video had me laughing so much! :)
Thank you!
I've always just went with it. I'm a male but have characteristics which make me look female (long hair, androgynous face, an ambiguous voice, a curvy body, wide hips) so often times when I'm in public, I'll be mistaken for a girl. Since I'm gender fluid (some days I feel masculine, other days I feel feminine) this never bothers me but it's so hilarious to see my family get defensive over it if I'm out with my mom or something.
Even my publisher which has never seen me before calls me Misses. I've yet to correct them XD
Since I don't really associate with either gender, it's really hard for me to understand why people get defensive over this, but that's just opinion obviously.
I am genderfluid aswell but I'm not out yet because I'm always really unsure about my gender identity. Although I can't quite imagine why people would get angry because they are being misgendered, if they are comfortable with themselves. :/ Although I obviously respect people who feel sad or angry when they get misgendered although I just don't quite understand why they are getting so upset. (Sorry if my english is half bad, it's not my native language)
Alice Eriksson Oh yeah, it's totally not cool when people get misgendered/people don't use their correct pronouns, but I don't get why my family gets so angry over it. I've never complained so their just subjecting their emotions onto me and jumping to the conclusion that I'm offended somehow. :/ Well, whatever lol I actually quite enjoy when people mistake me for a girl. It means I'm pulling of the androgynous look well.
EclecticMinds Yeah I understand that, the androgynous look is fierce! Personally I've only been misgendered once (and I think it has to do with cutting my hair short) and that was by the cops a couple of weeks ago. They said "Hi boys" to me and my male friend. We were just sitting on a lawn listening to music and talking when the cops passed by. I got really shocked but me and my friend laughed so hard at them afterwards. I told my mom and basically all of my friends that I was misgendered by the freaking cops, but I just got so shocked because it had never happened before. I was totally fine with it though.
Alice Eriksson I think the first time I got misgendered was by a waiter who I also misgendered the first time I saw him XD We had the same hairstyle lol so it was that much better.
EclecticMinds XD
This kind of humans and Ruby Rose drive me crazy in a good way.😍
Did you actually just refer to her as this kind of human. "This kind of human" what kind? I don't believe there are different types of humans.
+Amanda Charlene I mean the attractive humans.
lol "This kind of human" Now that's playing it safe!
wow you are crazy
my mother asked if im ilessben rudely one day and she said being gays wrong which i beleive to be untrue but she constantly gets mad at me for buying male clothing. But then she turns it around so that when i wear girls clothes she calls me "chubby" or "why are you wearing that its werid" my situation is annoying and when i get older i plan to reveal who i am and do what i want.
"uhh i dont get it" 😂😂that was funny
I've been kicked out of soooo many bathrooms :( it sucks
Elise Lambert I feel u
I'm a lot like you but I have a more masculine face shape and am short...5'4". My height is often what gives me away but there are short dudes out there!!!
Most of the time people asking doesn't bug me, I'm 27 and I've looked the way I do for over 10 years, so I've perfected the art of responding to kids and getting rid of assholes but I will NEVER get used to being accosted in public bathrooms. Bitch, I'm here to take a leak. If I could pass more I'd be in the other bathroom. It's why I usually in disabled bathrooms if I can find them. Anyhow, keep doing what you do -- You look awesome
+Sal Altschul Thank you for the comment! I have a video coming up hopefully soon talking about the use of single-stalled and gender inclusive restrooms.
I'm gender fluid, and I'm only 5'0...normally people ask if I'm a boy or girl
your impersonations of other's reactions are so good. I love it.
Lol one time someone was like "and him" and I said "her" and they said they didn't have their glasses. 😂
I'm non-binary and I really struggle with this. I feel much more on the feminine side, but I prefer "they," but no matter what I do, I will always be called "sir" or "dude" or "man" and I wish I could just melt into a totally androgynous alien form that will totally confuse people. Body shape wise, this is more possible, but I have a very prominent cleft chin and a deeper voice (both of which I ironically always get compliments on which just makes it worse). Even when I wear a combination of men's and women's clothes, makeup to make my masculine facial features less drastic, etc., I am ALWAYS misgendered every single day, except for those rare individuals who ask, and it's all so exhausting.
Anyway, sorry for the rant, and thank you for the excellent video.
"I wish I could just melt into a totally androgynous alien form that will totally confuse people". - I am keeping that. Forever.
I love this Ashley! I love all of your videos. You are an amazing person and help a lot of people including me being ok with who I am and not caring what others think.
I completely get you. I would say I'm bicurious but has nothing to do with the way I dress. I have had short hair for a few years and I'm completely androgynous in my attire. I get the same reactions. I used to get so pissed but after more study on gender/sexuality and talking to people who don't give a shit I laugh when people call me sir or ask me why I'm in the women's bathroom. They try to apologize so hard and all I can do is put my hand on their shoulder and say "It's okay". I've literally done this lol
Last 15 seconds had me rotfl! I'm glad I found you! Subscribed
Im agender,and thank you for politely explaining. I dont even use a bidner yet i get the sir all the time but either male or female pronouns dont bother me anymore. Be you
no, you are not one of two stereotypes. that does not make you ungendered. if you have a sex you have a gender. if you are a woman and you have your period that is part of the female gender since it is something that only women can do. this is the hilarity of calling these people men - that they have periods when men do not. drop any so called "transgendered" persons trousers and look at that, is this person a boy, is this person a girl - suddenly confusion over whether they are male or female is gone.
dorian lake No... I'm pretty much neutral. Not being something i'm for someone who doesn't understand.
what is a gender. define it.
dorian lake female is not a gender indentity, it is a sex
Jaque Lima thank you! Genetics no longer defines gender. Willpower shines through the body; we are not our bodies.
Thank you for making your videos they help me a lot. Also you speak really well and it's so comfortable to listen to you.
Great level-headed response. Don't place your happiness in the hands of strangers. I've been called 'love' by many a bus driver who wasn't looking closely enough : ) I love your sense of humour and your refreshing perspective on trying not to take offence to people who are just uninformed. Keep up the great work! : )
I love your personality! I love how you're not afraid to be who you truly are and be comfortable. I love how you're so open minded. When I had really short hair at a time in my life I got told that I was in the wrong bathroom. I know how it feels but I never was able to think and see it like you do. You are truly amazing!!
I had to deal with this so much growing up because I had so many boy traits, so much that I decided to change how I felt into a super girly version of myself which felt sort of unnatural, finding people on CZcams has been so stress relieving because I'm figuring out how to be more myself and I am not the only one out there who doesn't fit gender roles entirely :D much love and thanks for the videos
I worked a job a few years ago where we had to refer to everyone as "sir" or "ma'am" and using the wrong one was a constant fear for me.
Your eyebrow game is amazing
hey, i'm doing a video project on the gender spectrum for a class at school. would you mind me using clips from your video?
+Gabrielle Camp You may use clips if you give me credit in the video!
+Ashley Wylde of course! tysm
I remember still when I was a freshman in high school and had my hair cut short I've been called Sir and I've had dirty looks when coming out of the woman's restrooms. On voice chat programs I've even been confused for a young boy a number of times even to this day. So I know where you're coming from very well. XD
This made me cry a little because when you talked about being yourself and it will suck to be picked on but atleast i can be myself and have love a loving mother to support me right? now i just gotta worry about the cost cos living in australia takes along time with the public system.. ^~^
I had almost an identical experience when I finally cut my hair almost a year and a half ago, I now identify as femme non-binary and do have my more masculine days. when I do wear baggier clothes I still get called "sir" etc and when it first started happening I too would get angry but now I'm able to shrug it off as you said. this video is amazing and I'm so glad I found your channel! I think you are one of the only genderqueer youtubers I can relate to (at least that I've seen so far!) thank you!
When people occasionally mistake me for a guy, they treat me totally different and I don't really like it, yet I still try to present as less female...
Thank you. Just, thank you. This video really helped me come to terms with how I can express myself to be who I really am.
If you dress like a male and have a male hairstyle, what do you expect people to think you are?
My hope would be that it's more important WHO I am than WHAT I am. Still, would you say I should have to change my identity to match what others see? Or should I change the clothes I wear (which I wear because they accurately express the way I feel about myself) in order to make people see something else? It's a lose lose situation, but it still affects me personally.
absolutelySOUP To expect people to not judge and have more open minds about things such as gender or sexuality...So many people have automatically think "Alright there is man or woman and that's it" or "Straight or Gay"....I dress like a guy, granted I have long hair, but I still get those "hmmm...Guy or girl" kind of things...Personally I dont care about pronouns and I am genderfluid, but I think that people should be more open minded and not automatically go to man or woman, obviously it will take people time because of how they were taught, but I at least hope one day that people will be more prone to asking what someone identifies as instead of assume.
Hahaha, I love the b&w acting part. You're good at that. :)
I agree, be who you really are, and dress what expresses you the most because that would make you confident in your own skin because that is going to be the best form of yourself about who you want to be. (Is that makes sense?) :)
this video helped a lot, i dress like that but i am very clearly a girl i have long hair, not as muscular as a man, and my facial features highly resemble female but i have had multiple experiences where someone will look at me and "whisper" to there friends and say oh thats a girl just load enough so i can hear and then they all laugh and sometimes will come up and ask me if i am a girl or a boy. then i do what ashley said she used to do i lash out and say something along the lines of "i dont know probably the same reason why u have to make fun of people to make yourself feel good, because im insecure.....right?" but im not insecure i like how i dress and how i am i just want to know how to deal with something like that without blowing up
hi, i saw your video because one of my best friends loved your tag gender video and she thouth this could help me, im a sports girls, im tall and i have muscles but im very femenin and use pink and all that stuff, i cut my hair because i wanted a difrent look still wear dresses and all but people make the same questions they do to you when i use my sports clothe or if i use jeans all the time, is that a boy, sorry son, this is the ladys bathroom sir, and i hated it, it made me feel like if something was wrong with me, so waching this really helped me :) thanks a lot
Andiland16 I'm really glad to hear that! Keep being you and don't ever let anyone else tell you who to be :]
+Ashley Wylde I want to become transgender because I feel transgender. but im affraid to cut my hair lol. help please😢
Thank you so much for doing this video! you said some really important things and tbh it isn't a matter of not respecting people or not, it's just that sometimes ignorance is just because the person wasn't exposed to that kind of reality and the reactions they have towards that new knowledge are not the most sensitive.
Being a bisexual (in my case), I've also heard some stuff that made me cringe and want to snap at people, but I understand that not everybody has the same mentality, so if i want people to respect my beliefs i should also respect theirs. for me as long as people treat me with respect and don't hurt me, i'm ok * once again thank you
I was out in the store with my mom one time and this lady came up to us and she said that your son is so adorable. I was so happy inside secretly. It was like yes I was finally androgynous in my presentation. This was before I came out to my mom as Gender-Fluid years later. I was like 17 at the time.
Your impersonation is fucking spot on Hahahah ahh man at least we can have a laugh at that :)
Thank you!! I needed this
a few months back i had some teenagers yell at me from across the street "He? She? It? Lesbian!" and laugh. And I shrugged it off at the time, but I still think about it sometimes and for some stupid reason it hurts a bit.
Thank you so much for this video!
I face the same situations as you.
Sometimes it is hard, but in other times I just laugh.
The most important for me is that I'm happy and comfortable with myself!
Hugs from Brazil!
i was looking away waiting for it to load ,then at top volume I heard "HI!!!" and yelled "OhMyGod.." and people were concerned... I was in public..
oh that last "i don't get it" lol, cute
I'm curious. How tall are you?
+jeanetteisrandom 6'1"!
Great video. "I don't get it" I couldn't stop laughing.
I used to get that question from kids especially. Basically, I told them I was a girl with really short hair and with that being a successfully informative answer, that was that. I've grown my hair out considerably in the past year and though I'M not comfortable, I don't get the weird stares and embarrassing questions.... Double edge sword I guess.
Well said Ashley! Love your look...Thanks for sharing
haha. Great video. I loved the bit about if you accept yourself, then you'll be okay.
Who should I tell that I'm gender fluid my friends or family first cause I want to come out to them and I'm scared too do it
I am except I want short hair
My god, I relate SO much. Our take on our non binariness is basically the exact same. I'd give my eye teeth to talk in person, you seem like my type of peoples
I'm genderfluid, and once, someone asked me if I'm a boy or a girl. I just said "yes" and they were so confused XD
My younger brother has longer hair, while I have short hair. We get misgendered sometimes. At first, I too was a little upset, but yeah after a while you get used to it.
Thank you a lot for this video !
You are such an inspiration!! Well said!
I get this all the time. thank you for this!
I get this all the dame time! "Are you a boy or girl" "thank you sir" goes on. So yh im a young female that has short hair and gets mens clothes, so what! it makes me less of a women?! No! Now sometimes people make mistakes and pick the incorrect gender that you are but that happened. its when they do it just cause they can is where I cant get my head round! So I dont where make-up and have long blond hair and aint 'girly', still dont make me any less of a women!
I conserly get this unwanted attaching over the way I look talk and am to the point that iv been trying so hard to change. But I cant! For yhrs I have been trying and it was not till resernly that I stop trying (thou people still tell me to change) and instead be who I am! And I think people will soon lern that being yourself is the best thing you can ever do! But sadly we have a social norm on how to look, be and fill to be beautiful. YET WE'ER ALL BEAUTIFUL!!
Apologies on gramer and spelling (got to love lerning difficultys) have a nice day :) ♡♥
hahahaha I love the "I don't get it"
thanks for explaining these topics in a really easy way to understand. I have recently been exposed to a non-binary person for the first time and made a mistake with the pronoun. They corrected me but I still felt really bad about it, but the worst part was is that I didn't really understand the importance of it. Now I realize that it is a respect thing, and that it makes people uncomfortable when they are identified as a gender they don't feel like on the inside. A valuable lesson. Thank you!
this happens to be in bathrooms, I just say "well, I'm biologically female so I'm in the right bathroom", this usually confuses people enough to get them to say sorry, or just run away LOL
You’ve just earned a new subscriber!
This helped me a lot, wonderful.
I can really relate to this
because I like to dress "boyish"or "androgynous". And I kind of feel "male" sometimes. But when someone calls me "boy", I get hurt. And that makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure about myself and my identity in general...
Not to good for someone who has always been very insecure and shy...
I just hope that people will learn and accept me as I am. Some people just don't fit the "norms" and that's ok because "norms" are made up by people, which means they can be changed! 😉
PS: thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with the world!
I totally understand. I get that all the time.
legit your so amzing and just an inspiration to me
Lol the ending 😂
I get a lot of "Sir ... uh... um... ma'am?" but it's usually from far away or when someone's not looking at my face. Though I once got called "Sir" to my face while wearing a skirt. That one bothered me. The rest don't, and I try to make the person less embarrassed by saying it happens quite a lot.
It does bother me when my daughters with short hair and a preference for boys' clothes get called by male pronouns, though. Just makes my heart sink a little, but I don't necessarily get angry at the person.
I am a pansexual girl that wear baggy and sometimes boys clothes and I'm proud of it, even when I get judged at school
I found a video I didn't know I needed.
You look almost exactly like my teacher and for a minute I thought you were her 😂
Thank you
People always get 'gender', 'sex' and 'expression' mixed up.
I identify as trigender, meaning I feel like a male, female and neither (agender).
I was born as a female.
I dress like both, wearing female, male and unisex clothes.
Everyone assumes that I'm female because I have long hair, (pretty large) breasts and wear jewelry. And everyone calls me 'she/her'. I would personally be called 'he/him'. But no one gets it. I just go along with them calling my a girl and using the female bathroom. It's to hard to explain what 'trigender' is if someone doesn't get it.
I have to explain to many people what the difference between gender, sex and expression is.
Gender is what a person mentally, emotionally and physically feels good and confedent as.
Sex is what someone was born as, which IS, only male, female and intersex/hormdfidite.
Expression is how someone dresses and shows themselves as.
Off topic, but I love your fashion sense Ashley.
I understand your situation this happens to a few of my close friends. I'm kind of opposite though, when people find out I'm gay I get told no you aren't, you don't look gay, you are too girly, I think you are confused, there is no way you are gay. People don't understand that they way I look has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.
You are so amazing!!!! I love spoken word poetry!!!!!
I identify as straight and female. When I was growing up I wanted to by like my brother so I wore his handed down clothes, and other non-girly clothes. I also got a pixie cut because I could and my mom had one. I used to get asked at school often by kids who were not in my class if I was a boy of a girl. I didn't like it I thought "duh I am a girl."
how tall are you?
Miserable Desirable she's 6'1" (and yes, she still uses female pronouns even though she's non binary)
waaaaah!!! soo tallll! I want that kind of height but undortunately I'm so short haha but life goes on hahaha thanks btw
I don't get confused in person but on the phone and on online games I get confused as a little boy I find more so then not men say it to offend me or hurt me as they don't care for female gamers but I take it as a compliment that I sound like a pre pubescent boy cause that means I sound young and I'm almost 30 lol I just can't comprehend why someone would flat out ask "are you a boy or girl" to ones face ppl lack tact. It shouldn't surprise me tho after some of the things I've heard since I recently lost my leg one old woman flat out said to me "wow and I thought I had it bad" and another time a nurse told me "you don't see kids like me with Spina Bifida anymore cause they get aborted" I have thick skin but my mom had her fired I'm just happy she said it to me and not someone who's soul it may have cut deep lol I actually feel sorry for them empathy and sympathy is such a beautiful aspect of being a human I'd imagine it to be a rather dull boring life lacking substance to not have it
I can really relate. I have very gender neutral face, so with my short hair and masculine clothes, I often look like a guy. I get a lot of kids asking me my gender and older people staring at my chest and calling me a man.
I absolutely love this and I think you did a wonderful job at explaining how you feel.
my life basically
Your hair is amazing
Whats that I don't get it I don't get it 😂😂
"Relatively feminine features, I don't have the jaw"... Well, you haven't seen my face :'D
I actually dress feminine, but I'm hella tall and have short hair so all the old people think I'm a guy, legit even when I'm wearing a dress and makeup
That was really good explanage!
You remind of Andy biersack from BVB :)
What an incredibly positive thought process to such an annoying and persistent question. Thanks a lot for this video. You had a great point about not having the privilege to have experienced a lot of things so you can afford people the benefit of the doubt as you would hope for the same for yourself. That is a great way to look at it. Sometimes I get a bit bored and I'll just tell people I'm a little bit of both. The quizzical look is always a plus.
I'm a 13 year old girl but I look a lot like a guy and one day I went into the woman's bathroom and a guy waiting for his girlfriend out side yelled at me and told me it was the girls bathroom and the men's bathroom is over there...
This is like me too i used 2 hate it but now idc wat people say about me so i jus think i luv thus way about me
first I thought you are a guy with a really high voice..
4:14
urgh, tell me about that "sir, this is the womens toilet"-stuff... happens to me since pretty much forever and not even just rarely but, like, once a week -___- I may not look very feminine, but I DO look like an adult old enough to know what toilet to go to. and even if it would have been a mistake and I chose the wrong door by accident, I would still be able to tell in which bathroom I am because of ALL THE WOMEN AROUND. so, yeah, I don't really mind getting mistaken as a guy when meeting me the first time (and depending on were we meet, not even the second or third time) but seriously: telling me to leave is kind of hurtful.
"When someone calls me sir, that hurts me." Wow, really? (I'm pretty sure you came out and changed your name, idk how you feel about pronouns and gendered terms now, I watch your channel whenever it randomy comes up in my recomendations tbh.) I love being called sir. I LOVE being "mistaken" for a guy and I hate when I have to speak and then my high voice shatters the illusion. I'm not super sure what I am, I guess I am a woman, though I started refering to myself as a non-binary person online because nobody can see my body online. I get why people see me as a woman in real life though.
I think I'll talk to a therapist soon, if I can find one, and if I can afford it, and if it's even possible at all during this pandemic.
Love your acting ♥️
I Admire the depth of your thought!!!! and i don't care if u look like male or female... one thing i can tell is that u are a beautiful human being inside and out!! Keep making videos... Lots of love from my side :-D