How to Persuade Others with the Right Questions: Jedi Mind Tricks from Daniel H. Pink | Big Think
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- čas přidán 20. 05. 2014
- How to Persuade Others with the Right Questions: Jedi Mind Tricks from Daniel H. Pink
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Sales guru and persuasion expert Daniel H. Pink explains how you can use motivational interviewing to influence others' thoughts and behaviors. Pink's latest book is "To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Motivating Others."
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DAN PINK:
Daniel H. Pink is the author of five provocative books - including the long-running New York Times bestsellers, A Whole New Mind and Drive. His latest book, To Sell is Human, is a #1 New York Times business bestseller, a #1 Wall Street Journal business bestseller, and a #1 Washington Post nonfiction bestseller. Dan's books have been translated into 34 languages and have sold more than 2 million copies worldwide. In 2013, Thinkers 50 named him one of the top 15 business thinkers in the world. He lives in Washington, DC, with his wife and their three children.
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TRANSCRIPT:
So let me give you a hypothetical. Suppose that you're a parent and you have a daughter, say a teenage daughter, whose room is an absolute mess. It just looks like a bomb went off in there and you want your daughter to clean her room. You're trying to sell her on the idea of cleaning her room. What do you do? Well, you could try to bribe her and that might work in the short term. You could try to threaten her -- that might work in the short term. You can try to exhort her, you can try to, you know, tell her about the meaning of clean rooms. But there's actually a technique from actually the counseling literature really crystallized by a fellow named Mike Pantalon of Yale University called motivational interviewing. And what you can do more effectively is ask two irrational questions. So, let's say that you have a daughter named Maria and Maria has a messy room and you want Maria to clean her room. The two questions you could ask Maria are this:
"Maria, on a scale of one to ten, one meaning I'm not ready at all; ten meaning I'm ready to do it right now. How ready are you, Maria, to clean your room." Now, Maria's room is a pig sty so she's not going to give you a ten or a nine or even a five. Maybe she'll give you a two.So she says, "Dad, I'm a two." Well here's where the second question comes in and it's a really interesting counterintuitive question. You say to Maria, "Okay, Maria. You're a two. Why didn't you pick a lower number?" Now our instincts as parents is to say -- as a parent of three kids I have this instinct very strongly. If my kid were to say to me I'm a two, I would say, "What, why are you a two? You should be a nine."
But you say, "Why didn't you pick a lower number, Maria?" So here's what happens. Maria has to explain why she isn't a one. Okay. So she says, "Well, you know, I am 15 and I probably should get my act together. You know, if I had my room cleaner I'd be able to get to school on time, faster and maybe see my friends a little bit more. You know, you and mom never know where anything is anyway so I'm kind of wasting my time asking you to help me." What happens? With that second question why didn't you pick a lower number, Maria begins articulating her own reasons for doing something. And this is really axiomatic in sales and persuasion. When people have their own reasons for doing something -- not yours -- their own reasons for doing something they believe those reasons more deeply and adhere to the behavior more strongly.
Now suppose Maria says, "Dad, on a scale of one to ten I'm a one." Okay. That makes things a little more complicated but it's actually really, really important to understand this. If you say to Maria -- if Maria says, "Dad, I'm a one." Here's what you say to Maria. "Maria, what can we do to make you a two." And what often that does is this. Maria will say, "Well maybe if you and mom help me for 15 minutes to get this started." "Maybe if you maybe not set the table and take out the trash tonight, that would free up some time for me."
Because usually when people are a one, it's often because -- not because they're purely obstinate. It's because there's some kind of environmental obstacle in front of them. And if someone says they're a one, find out what that obstacle is, try to make them a two and that might give you some more momentum.
Now the example I just gave had to do with...
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I used this on my boss like you said and he said to stop calling him Maria. He didn't clean his room either, so...
Adrian Gaede
ay homenowandIin
I tried this on my girlfriend and first thing she said is "Who's Maria?!"
She broke up with me later, sob
Your thumbnail and comment reminded me of this: Jane Goodall once spoke about stupid inteligence. She had a monkey that would defecate on her living room, so she would smack his bum and put him outside trough the window (level floor, obviously, in a corrective way). It got to point where the monkey would still shit indoors but then smacked is own ass and went through the window all by himself. You know, because logic.
And somewhere along the line of breeding, some offspring of that very monkey became my boss.
Adrian Gaede please watch this video 🙂💙❤️ czcams.com/video/LXxhP-sfe_c/video.html
I have used this technique for several years, both in sales, managing people, and on a personal basis with my sons. It does work. It does not mean that someone will perform they way you want them too, but it gets them and you closer to the real reason someone is not performing.
Persuasion 101: don't tell people to do something, make them think they want to do it.
Instructions not clear. She said -5, we talked, and now I'm cleaning her room and doing her hw for a month...
That's presidential material, right there! Congratulations on your offspring.
+47Ronin Lol thank you 😊
she got great talent,when will she be able to nominate herself as candidate for president ? ill vote
Llmmaaoo)))
TALKINGtac0 You got schooled son...
I actually think that "zero" is the most probable answer the dad would get in this situation. When asked to put something on a scale of 1 to 10, people often reply with 11 or 0, simply to emphasize on how much they love or hate the thing in question. And if the dad then asked what can he do to make Maria a 1, she would most likely say "get off my back" and the conversation would end there. Maria wins!
That's an evasion and avoidance technique on the problem. Insisting on picking a number from the scale in this type of situation may help the said person realise their problem.
My kids would answer the "why not a lower number" with "I dunno"
*****
i dunno
*****
i dunno
*****
thank you merry christmas and a happy near year PS: i dunno
***** Merry christmas
Chad k Reformulate the question. Find a way to motivate an answer. You can: suggest explanations that you think they might want to hear, ask a simpler question, make a connection between the situation and self esteem (nobody wants to feel incompetent).
"I'm a 0."
"Why?"
"Don't give a shit."
"What can we do to make you give a shit?"
"Doing it for me."
Lmfao hahahahhaa
and that room is now an office.
Realistikk513 what was the name of that room?
Albert Einstein
+Psychopath omfg rofl
+Psychopath You just summarized my entire outlook on life.
My parents used the "Audio-Visual" technique:
Dad- "Clean your fuc*** room NOW!!" (while holding his belt in one hand)
Me- "Ok daddy..."
...this technique never failed them...
If you're an adult who can't bring themselves to type a certain arbitrary word on the internet, I'd say Daddy's belt worked a little too well...
***** Nope. I was referring to "subtlety."
But that's not your strong suit is it?
...of course I was talking about 'fuck' and to be more specific, it would be "fuck-ING"
***** No sorry. But I'm sure you'll find somebody someday, don't worry.
FACEOFF Right; use fear, pain and humiliation to encourage healthy emotional development. Because that's what fear does.
More like the abusive technique.
Just tried on my kids. They answered 10 and kept doing nothing.
I know I'm 4 years late but that's some funny shit 😄
If they answered 10 then you need to clean your room daily and set a positive example 😁
Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Classic!
Classic!! The beautiful part is that they let you know that you are wasting your time. A SIL came to my house one day. She lived far away so she didn't really know our lives. She walked by our daughters room and saw that you could barely make a path to my daughter's bed. My SIL was disgusted by what she saw. My daughter was a 4.0 student, cheerleader and had a job. The messy room only got cleaned up when she went away to college. I insisted. She is now a cardiothoracic surgery PA and makes a ton of money and has the utmost respect of her peers. Twice a month, she hires people to come clean her house while she is at work and she pays them well. Life is never black and white.
I live alone and I tried this technique on myself because my flat was untidy but nothing happened.What am I doing wrong?
I hope the viewers realize that his example is simply a metaphor. People are irrational children that usually have ridiculous reasons as to why they don't do something rational like cleaning their room. For a child person to realize how irrational their behavior is, they have to first realize that it's irrational. That's where the beauty of Daniel Pink's ideas can help.
***** err.. wouldnt that mean she's not ready to clean at all? so she would be a 1.. i dont think its ready in terms of preparation.. its ready in terms of willingness to do the job now
***** What Behindspace90 might mean is that maybe this hypothetical teenager realizes that her room is a mess and that the room should be cleaned, so she'll answer with an eight. But, on the other hand, she may also realize that cleaning her room right now won't have any immediate effects on her way of living. She can still sleep in it, and chances are that she knows where everything is located in her room. This may cause her to feel that even though her room should be neater she has no need to make it happen.
There are other reasons that could cause a person to reply with an eight, but may not be fully ready, or, in other hypothetical situations such as getting a job, he or she might be incapable to do so.
I see what Pink is trying to do here, and he probably realizes this as well, but what he's giving us a a grossly simplified situation and method for fixing it. I think this approach should be used as a gateway for properly communicating what is happening and begins a conversation on how it can be fixed.
i dont see how an objection to do the task is any different from being less ready..
***** I don't think being "ready" correlates with "desire". A person may be ready for a new job, but they don't have a desire at that moment to get on the computer, update their resume, etc. A person may be ready to take a punch to the face, but they're not really looking forward to it.
probably shouldnt have used the word ready again... quoted from myself from an earlier comment.. "dont think its ready in terms of preparation.. its ready in terms of willingness to do the job now"
Boss, in a scale of 1 to 10, how ready are you to give me a promotion?
***** can't stop laughing =))
*****
hahaha funny
***** :D:D:D:D Nailed it
Well there is a 50% chance I'll promote you, and 100% chance I will not. So keep a good work and hope for bright future.
and if not I will come in to work with my Kalashnikov with a 60 round mag and clean house....tee hee
I find I can use this on myself. It helps me talk through my own hesitations and mental roadblocks.
I've been thrashing my head about trying to write a properly manipulative character for the past couple of days, and this popping up in my sub box is a goddamn miracle.
This is the channel that just keeps on giving.
I managed to persuade my sister into doing the dishes when she never ever does them and I was super surprised that I was able to do so, and so easily. But now I'm here so I'll defo be able to do it again in the future 😁
One of the most interesting videos I've seen on Big Think!
Can you think of any other ways to make people find their own reasons to do something?
The subject in the video is very interesting. I especially enjoyed your thoughts on different tricks you can use, which I also share on my own channel. The main idea of these tricks speaks to me and is something I talk about in my own videos. This video has been a valuable piece of content to me. Thank you for sharing.
If you want your daughter to clean her room, just invite her crush over. At that age, it is psychologically impossible for little girls to not be madly in love all the time.
This !
that work for my lil sis,and its also work on boys and it doesnt have to be their crush or boyfriend but someone that could make em feel embarrassed
Awesome idea!
This!
thank you !! this is going to make a big impact on how i speak to people about sharing my ideas , combined with some other psychological things. thumbs up from me
We learn about and use motivational interviewing in counseling as it's part of the client-centered type of counseling theories. We were never taught to be counter intuitive, and ask them why they didn't pick a lower number. We were always taught that, no matter the number, we should go up until they are eventually at a 10. Specializing in counseling people with addictions, you would think that the counter intuitive question would be an extremely useful (insightful) tool as they can be very resisting to open up or participate in counseling.
Very interesting! Thank you! I love learning little human hacks like this :)
I had a similar technique in counseling. I'd always ask, "OK, you're at six. That makes sense. But, six doesn't seem to be working for you. What would it take to get to seven?" Same outcome right? It gets them thinking about what's not working and what would need to work for things to change.
I love this. make more videos about this topic. it's very interesting!
the reality:
'Maria, what can I do to get you from a 1 to, say, a 2?'
'Nothing.'
'JUST GO AND CLEAN YOUR FUCKING ROOM!'
then you say " why ?" this isn't even rocket science your just an idiot
who are you talking to?
you? .... you posted the comment >
well thank you for your insights. You've given me a lot to think about.
Exactly 💯 I LOVE Motivational Interviewing!!! 🤗
Thank you for such awesome video!
me: "Maria, on a scale from 1 to 10, how ready are you to clean your room?"
Maria: "what? you think you're somekind of jedi, waving your hand around? I'm a Toydarian, mind tricks don't work on me, only money"
*walks away crying*
+DaFred1990 yep, my daughter to...but also won't accept the money, because I cannot "buy her good behavior". nor apparently earn it...sigh teenagers
LOL ,just use her weakness duh,get her boyfriend/friends to said that to her
cuz for teenager their friends is their world,they usually listen more to their friend/circle than their parent or older people,they think that someone younger than them is a kid and someone older cant understand them,teenager are just a pain
oh welp im one but people usually said that I dont act like one
DaFred1990 You are my hero... I have lived every year since 1999 quoting this at least once per year, always followed by dead silence, and an involuntary laugh on my end. Thank you for giving me new life.
DaFred1990 you won the comments with that reference LOL
These mind tricks don't work. Kids are too smart or too stupid altogether. No one is falling for this dumb shit.
i like that video a lot, i mean a lot!!! So simple and true. It opens the other's mind!!!! Making huge openings to discution! And without manipulation, distraction or alike.
So basically, you have to get them questioning their position, so that they'll create their own reasons for doing something. Essentially planting the idea in their head, making them think it was their idea. Or otherwise finding a suitable compromise that will get them to your point of view.
Me as a teen:
Mum "How ready are you to clean your room.""
Me "1"
Mum "What can we do to make you a 2?"
Me "Nothing, I don't think there's anything wrong with the state of my room. You might see a mess but I know exactly where everything is and can get to it easily. If it was 'tidy' then it would make it harder for me to find things when I wanted them."
His focus is on convincing others to do what you want. What is much more important is you learning what they want.
That's when I'd ask them to find an object of my own in their room. "Hey, I was in here earlier and left behind my [item] but can't find it now. Do you know where it is?" My younger self hated my parents poking around my room, so then I'd be motivated to find the object and if I struggled to find it, I became irritated and committed to cleaning up a little bit despite the fact I knew where all of MY things were.
Children want all sorts of shit that they don't need, and are not good for them. Figuring out what your children really want, is going to be about as useful to their adult psychology as trying to steer what they want.
You'd be surprised at the results you get when you tell a kid that they don't have to like it, but that it is their job to keep their room clean, and the privileges that they have as a member of the family are dependent on them actually doing their job as a member of the family.
Great video, thank you!
Question though. When the subject's personal reasons come to the surface- and say they haven't began the task, what is the go-to dialogue to get them to actually begin?
Perhaps it's situational? --- "will you please begin now?" But what if they say no, then repeat the process.?
Wish I had known this trick a few hours ago. Thank you for the video!
Wow! Well put - thanks for the knowledgable video!
İ reversed the method. İ am making my parents clean my room. Thank you doc!
I love this !
This is great, thank you
2:53 Maria's gonna say "I'm 15 I don't give a shit about any of this."
guys, just do what I do: Help your child to clean their room with you. Let them do 50% of the cleaning and demand from them that you did your part of helping and their have to do the other 50% because you work as a team and little by little as he/she grows up, you lessen your own chore of helping and try to explain that if he/she wants that you help him/her to clean his/her room they had to help you with your own chores, like washing dishes, cleaning other rooms etc. and explain that they have only to tidy up their own place for exchange that they don't have to assist you with your own tasks.
this works.
also as a bonus question to a Big Think, how good do you think your video affected me from 1 - 10 ?
its their room make them do it. They get is dirty or disorganized it is their room they clean it.
Nice. Thanks.
Great Insight
This will probably change my whole life...thanks!!!
WOW!!!!! Great!
I just found gold. Not to sound arrogant but I was getting frustrated not finding new psychology techniques. Please give me recommendations
On a scale of one to ten, how much do you think these are the droids that you're looking for?
Man this seems so much like the few parenting classes i took. Kind of too late. I so wish we would've learned this starting in high school.
from what he just said to help you get motivated you need to reset your motives and put them out in front of you. will try this :D
I used this to persuade myself to clean my room and it works a lot better
Appreciative leadership, appreciative interviewing
Woah. This is great stuff
I'll try this on myself. Perhaps then, I will mow the lawn. Perhaps.
Cool video much better than other recent stuff
Word. I concur.
He is speaking to me!!!
How long would i have to practice this to make it work?
Nice way of looking at it
Very interesting stuff.
damn this is solid,he got a point and I can totally relate
OK. So I have been a therapist for 30 years. I have kids. My conversation with Junior was much more succinct: "Son, do you still need a ride to the movies tonight?" "Ya." "OK, son, what do you think the chances are that you will get that ride when your room looks like this?" "Guess I better clean it, eh?" "Ya!" Then I walked away.
Your talk here would be much more useful than Dan's.
Very right
This actually motivated me as if ... good job
Mind blown!
Excellent...make 'em sell themselves!
Hi Daniel. Thanks for making this video. I found it very helpful. I hope you see this little note... What response would you give if someone said, "I'm a 5." Me: "Well, why aren't you at a 3?" Her/Him: "You're right. I don't have time to..." (adverse reaction) or if they just don't know & can't even give a definite answer as to why they aren't at least a 6 or 7.
This is amaaaazing
Very interesting.
Thank you💕🇺🇲
please get more of this guy on your channel :-)
thanks for the commentary
Really interesting!
Great speaker :)
I like this. So many time we use the carrot or stick which is immediate, but we need to empower
It's not a bad technique, it will work when your circling around self Improvement on mutual grounds. The example you used would probably never get Maria to clean her room. A good example, maybe is when your reviewing recent performances of your ground workers and you have to address a drop in performance. Thats when this will work great because it promotes Synergy and team building.
If you want Maria to keep her room clean, explain to her where you started in life and how much effort it took for you to buy this (house, mansion, flat etc) and it really pains you to see it in a mess. When you see the house it is a reflection of yourself, when you see her room its a reflection of her.But of course this will mean shit to her, so thats when you assertively explain if the room isn't tidy now going out money for 2 weeks. This is called mixing a future understanding with something they do understand haha. She'll appreciate this when she's older and living alone.
Awesome tips! Just got to wait for my 10month old daughter to grow up a bit!
This sounds really functional :)
great vid
What about 0 or the negative number spectrum towards minus infinity?
Intéréssant, mais en pratique c'est plus compliqué. À essayer.
When I was younger I would have answered: 1, then to the question "what can we do to make you a do?" I would have answered: "I dunno", what now? (This could be useful if I end up raising a kid)
"You could beat me, but that would be illegal"
I have a question as u said what can we do to make u two and if maria says nothing . then what
about cleaning the room, in my case, maria says - infinity. may the force be with you
I like to ask when, but some socratic questioning tends to help them rationalize their autonomous role in their individual agency.
I'm a teenager and my room is a mess right now.
Now you made me have to clean it T.T
Tomorrow lol
Wow thanks Daniel. Pivotal advice.
May the force be with you
I've just put this on watch later as my daughter is present.
Brilliant, but how to move forward to the close?
Nice. So if the other person generates their own reasoning, they are more likely to cooperate because they feel a sense of agency.
I would add a mediating factor: trust. My own dad would use these kinds of techniques, but I was always suspicious of his motive. Because I was suspicious that I was being manipulated, the sense of agency didn't feel so real. Same goes for the illusory freedom in the 'limited choice' technique - once you're aware that it's limited, you realise you're not so free. I get this feeling this goes deeper than it appears.
I hope by the time I can make use of this technique it wont become a cliche
I'm trying this tonight. I'll come back and let y'all know how it worked out.
... 8 years later...
@@leosantini6162 Oops, my bad. I forgot. But I remember trying and it didn't work at all.
Clever...
My daughter is 11, her room is an absolute mess. My only technique is to execute my superior position as mother (alwaaaaays works). I figured I'd give this approach a try so I went to her and asked her this two questions. She replied she was a two, I asked her why she didn't pick a lower number. She replied by saying she can actually be a 10 or higher but the simple fact is that she doesn't feel like cleaning her room. We stared at each other for about three seconds and she finally asked me why did I ask her those questions. I was like I have no idea...I should have known better lol then I left and she went back to her thing. I'll continue with my technique since it works. Thanks anyways!
Yeah, my kid's smarter than Maria.
Me: Johnny, on a scale from 1 to 10, how motivated are you to clean your room?
Johnny: Zero
Me: Doh!
Interesting..
Whenever one of my four kids didn't want to do something, I would just ask them: when do you want to eat/go outside/invite your friend over/go to bed... in 30 minutes or in one hour? I almost never heard "I'm just not hungry/tired/lonely"...I just reframed the situation so they felt they had a stake in determining when that thing was going to happen and avoided a lot of useless arguments that way (worked 90% of the time untill +- 13 years old).
While it may not be the best tactic for parenting, it's one of the best tactics for sells. You already know your customer's not a one because they wouldn't be in your store if they weren't prepared to buy what you're selling. One the other hand, some people will get very frustrated when they feel they're being manipulated.
Could someone please explain the exact concept of "being ready to" for people who doesn't have english as their native language?
Damn that's smart
If my parents or anyone was like "Well, how can I we make you a two"
I'd be all like "okay. so.. I don't want to be a two, and if you want me to do something. You're gunna have to do something, something that makes me want to do something." XD
So once you've got them to a 2, will they then typically just start on the thing you want them to do, or do you have to move into the "Why are you a 2" (to which they would then likely regurgitate what they just told you in response to 'what can we do to make you a 2?')
This is a real question, I'm not being critical.
That's actually a BRILLIANT application of SunTzu. Searching for a crack in the armor to latch onto.
I could see this working much better in a sales/work environment than with a bratty teenager.
Gee ... it's easy when you write both parts of the dialogue. I might try that.