The difference between MASCULINE and FEMININE COMMUNICATION: information versus experience
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- čas přidán 5. 05. 2023
- The most significant difference between masculine and feminine communication pertains to their respective goals. Whereas masculine communication is interested in the accurate transmission of information, feminine communication is devoted to the transmission of experience, in the sense of felt subjectivity. By means of analogy: masculine communication is like a language without vowels, and feminine communication is like a language without consonants. The most effective communication styles combine both.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
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The most significant difference between masculine and feminine communication pertains to their respective goals. Whereas masculine communication is interested in the accurate transmission of information, feminine communication is devoted to the transmission of experience, in the sense of felt subjectivity. By means of analogy: masculine communication is like a language without vowels, and feminine communication is like a language without consonants. The most effective communication styles combine both.
Men fight with fists. Women fight with words. All so often us men have to deal with a tongue lashing conjured up from a very dark place. Women seem to think they can claim that they were angry and didn't mean it. That doesn't fly. You said it, you most certainly meant it - at least you did when you were angry. You might regret what you said afterwards, but you meant it. As an adult, I have to take what comes out your mouth seriously. There is no situation where I could hit someone and then claim I didn't mean it afterwards. Words hurt men like fists hurt women. I have to think before I hit. I expect you to think before you speak. I realize my expectations are totally unrealistic because I have never found this, but it would be wonderful if I did!
I like this particular content very much. As a woman (perhaps on the spectrum), I spent years in my life trying to escape what I saw as the shame of femininity: lack of rationality and seemingly erratic emotions. It led me to being rather robotic. It led to being divorced from part of myself; it led to unhappiness. I'm so glad you emphasized 'balance.'
"The reason men lose their patience talking to us is because we never say what we mean and we take too damn long to say it."
Lot of shןt tests are conducted via that tuning fork strategy.
Masculine communication evolved to coordinate on the battlefield. Feminine communication evolved to understand and soothe crying infants. Both those situations are equally important from a Darwinian perspective.
Great video, it reminds me of a quote I heard from a neurologist that went something like; "if we assume the male brain is neuro-typical then all women are schizophrenic. If we assume the female-brain is neuro-typical then all men are autistic." So to use your example men listening in on women talking would be finding their conversation vacuous and empty, and women listening in on men talking would be finding their conversation vacuous and empty. The former for the lack of any concrete information or any final action plan/goal, the latter for the lack of any emotional substance and supporting details.
There’s a component of feminine communication that I’d like to understand and have someone tell me I’m wrong. It seems to me that many women to a large degree enjoy being emotionally manipulated and emotionally manipulating others. It seems to feel very, very good to them on both sides. They’ll turn on a Hallmark movie because they know their emotions will be greatly affected. On the other side they will engage in emotional manipulation because they have learned that it gives tremendous power. Additionally it is seemingly ok with them to wield this power unchecked if they get the desired results and when called on it they will exert maximum emotional manipulation to coverup for their relationship damaging behavior. To top it off they will incredulously say “I don’t understand why you’re so upset!”. It’s like playing with matches and not understanding why the house burnt down. BS! They know exactly what is going on. They knowingly start it but they couldn’t control it to the degree they wanted to. My strategy now that I fully understand this is to say “Nice try but it’s not going to work! What we’re talking about is ____”. Imagine dazed looks of shock and confusion and the corresponding ratcheting up of efforts to emotionally manipulate but if you don’t waver things will eventually get better.
I only say true things, there's the difference.
The dynamic you speak of was present in my marriage. I found myself deliberately holding my body rigid while speaking as monotone as possible in order that she not filter everything I say through the lens of my body language or tone of voice. ... The contortions of logic she came up with to integrate a twitch of my arm or slight increase in volume were dumbfounding.
Most of the time when I've revealed my feelings in a relationship it did not go well. My feelings were invalidated, belittled or, in the rare cases when acknowledged, nothing changed.
Men who most frequently engage in "feminine communication", it seems to me, are musicians, poets and song writers
As Jordan Peterson once said "women use gossip as a form of currency. That's how they trade with each other"
So that explains all online articles I read about empath, conciousness, human frequency, and other new age terms. These are all about the feminine way of communicating. If you dive too deep into the feminine you'll become doubtful & anxious in conversation because you'll be worried of how the other person feel & think. I once dive too deep into the darkness. But now I realised, cold hard facts/information with clear & precise intention behind it always Help to counterbalance the feminine tendency. Thank you.
100% true from my experience . Men exchange information. Women channel emotions. It’s why, again from my experience, extracting information from women is so inefficient. Less than 30% of their words have useful content and that too only if you are paying attention.
I'll tell you why this is the best video I've seen from you yet, Dr. Taraban. You are respectful and appreciative to women in this, which I believe (based on the content of this micro lecture) will do better to distributing this information to help heal our gender war rift. I've seen a woman tip you for explaining the difference between our communication styles and holy hell, that is remarkable. Thanks to the ladies who are being cool about learning this information instead of reacting with an emotional tirade.
I think this is at the core of why women, outside of being beautiful, are not that interesting. Men like things and concepts. I have little to no interest in your feelings.
Great video. This is a major reason why building and maintaining a close relationship is so painfully difficult. We speak completely different languages.
This is easily observed when you ask men and women to rate themselves on a scale of 1-10.
This is why when I’m annoyed or whatever at my lover (a man) I take a breath….and don’t react right away with an answer. Too emotional. I think it through then go back to communicate! It works, he really understands where I’m coming from…most times. 😅Anyway I’ve learned to communicate with men much better. I love it! Good video 👏