Narcissist: True Love or Shared Fantasy? How Narcissist Experiences LOVE
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- čas přidán 15. 11. 2023
- Shared fantasy and especially idealization defense against triggering of early childhood traumas (hurt aversion, dread of intimacy and love): she is ideal, so will not hurt me, I am perfect, so above reproach and invulnerable.
Recreates secure base and symbiosis (back to womb).
Shared fantasy differs from infatuation and limerence:
Anomic (antisocial)-rigid delusional kingdom
Intensity (controlled dysregulation, like addiction)
Addiction
Immersion
Resonance, instant recognition
Divinity (invincibility)
Wholeness
Inexorability
No plateau, only transcendence
Impaired reality testing, fantasy, paracosm
Attribution errors, projection, splitting
Mutual infantile regression
Anxieties (loss, abandonment, rejection), catastrophizing
Negative affectivity
Anxiolytic control
Sublimated aggression, frustration, abuse
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INCREDIBLE. Professor Sam Vaknin is the world's leading authority on Narcissism. No one else even comes close.
They aren’t capable of love. They truly are dead inside.
The accuracy of the description is mindblowing . Time and time again.
Its so hard to let it go. I know it was a shared psychosis. But it felt so good, healed, complete,
for the first time in my life. I left. I am the Borderline part in the mix. I will not return, but i am still crying.
Thank you for putting the experience into words. I cannot thank you enough for making sense of the whole experience.
Do you compare new romantic experiences to that one? Do you feel like your life is dull without the person involved in the shared fantasy?
@@94ftoflogic_idr14 Its still fresh, i left three months ago after one and a half years. So i cant answer your question yet. I work on myself now. I know a healthy relationship will feel very very diffenrent. Less pain, yes. But also without the unbelieveable rush, the deepths and the oceanic feeling, that only ever comes, when you merge with your partner. My mind knows, what is healty. But i think the longing will always be there.
@@94ftoflogic_idr14 ps. yes from past relationships i can say, it feels dull if i compare. it feels more like a friendship that also has sex.
@@94ftoflogic_idr14 I NEVER EXPERIENCE ANYOTHER LOVE !
I am at the point in my life where all of your words have a sense to me because like u this happ ns to me too with my 13 year narc bf i left him still crying , dont know what to do,goid thing doc.sam vaknin is here
I have never thought my husband of 21yrs understood me or even knows me and I definitely felt invisible. I does say iam his sole mate.i left him and your are correct in all you say .the worst thing in all this time is the stonewalling.
This video reminds me of Dr. Vaknin's video on the narcassist as auto erotic.
There'd been 30 seconds in the early months of the relationship that I couldn't explain once I understood the shared fantasyand relationshipcycle. It seemed an anomaly, and I had gaslighted myself with it. Then, when I listened to the narcassist is auto erotic, video, I realized that all that overwhelming, like I'd never experienced before, adoration, love, etc., wasn't from him to me. No, it was from him through me to himself.
Thank you Professor. Knowing that my ex partner of 18 months was truly a narsissist helps me continue my no contact however painful it is .😊
This explains why I always felt like a similar avatar of all of his previous partners. He was stuck in a loop desperate to prove his track record wrong. This explanation certainly might help victims of this horrible disorder understand what the hell is happening, but could a narcissist absorb or accept any of this enough to stop his own loop of destruction? I think probably not.
Wow this woke me up! If I never listened to your videos I would have never realized this toxicity in my life
This entire video is excellent information. Especially 35:09 to the end Is very helpful for anyone who is being hoovered back into the Shared Fantasy. Please go No Contact as soon as possible, so you can heal and reclaim your life and soul.
Excellent episode Sam! Thank you
I will say it once more thank you so much Prof. Sam for your insight and knowledge you are simply the best. I have been regressing and ruminating again after the attempted hover that my Ex narc tried on me but to no avail. You have brought me back down to earth and to reality in giving me clarity in my thinking. You have such a gift since coming across you I have been binge watching your videos and watching some on repeat even so things sink in. I literally can't thank you enough. I have watched many supposed experts on CZcams and they haven't help me but you have bless you dear Sir you are a diamond.
Thank you professor for sharing your lectures. I actually had a bit of a teacher jump or attention scare like an actual student when you said “pay attention”. You do such a great job at teaching the facts and the reality behind such relationships. I’ve learned so much.
She never denied not loving me -- to her credit. She just needed supply -- I just needed a companion. It was her triggering "Provoke-then-blame" habit that finished us. The induced rage truly scared me. I had never wanted to "send someone to heaven" before. That did it. Thank God -- *the breakup is so much easier* without some false claim of love involved. My love had become mere "tolerance" anyway. Still, good people want true Love.
It's scary the animal they can turn us into.
@@sludgerat666💯😣
Thank you Sam. I've learned so much and while the pain still hurts from the narcissist your explanation helps so much. 😅
A kingdom indeed, fractured fairytale
When you are in therapy, there is so much going on emotionally, that at times it is difficult to retain everything the therapist is saying and your own realizations. These videos help me to reinforce what I learned in therapy and also help unveil some of the issues we never got to. Thank you!
I AGREE ! YET CAN STILL BE HARD ! I LOVED WITH ALL MY HEART
This is hands down the best description of what I experienced in the shared fantasy. Thank you for putting words to something I have such a hard time explaining, to myself and to others!
This explains everything…😳…😥…😮💨
THANK YOU Professor Vaknin 🙏🙏🙏
Exactly what happened to me. Sucks for our daughter tho that he just up and switched 2 weeks before she was born. This finally gives me some understanding. Thanks.
@user-prof_sam Id truly appreciate that.
THANK YOU FOR ALL UR VIDIOZ HELP SAVEMY SANITY !
THANK YOU, PROF
Brilliant
סם וקנין אני שוב רוצה לומר לך תודה! אתה פשוט מדהים ומיוחד ובמובן מסוים אבא של כולנו בתחום הנרקסיזם ❤ אתה מפיץ הרבה טוב ומודעות בתקופה הקשה כידוע מישראל העצובה מאוד כרגע 😢😢😢
Thank you so much for your videos, Sam! I have a question that I may have missed a million times. Is the narcissist conscientiously aware that his end game is to devalue and discard. Or is it subconscious?
Unconscious.
@@samvaknini thank u vaknin for all that u do ur classes lectures ur discourses everything is enlightening.. i am sure many like me have benefitted a great deal from ur knowledge.. thank you for sharing it with us..
Thank you Dr. Vaknin for all you do , knowledge is power and because of all this knowledge you’re sharing with us I feel more and more powerful. Can I ask , is it possible for the narcissist to be in the share fantasy with a person that came from a healthy background. I went thru all this stages , it was beautiful , than it was hard work and than hell on earth.
Nothing to do with love but alot to do with bombing 💣 - ask any ghaza 😂😂😂. Am becoming addicted to your videos. Keep going prof!
Professor Vaknin, thanks for sharing the Allan Watts Documentary ‘ The Unglamorous Thruth’ in the community page. It was eye openning. Sir would someone who had a major physical transformation ( worked out, new self) be considered both psychopath or narcissist?
No.
Dear Professor, I am more than thankful for your lectures. I have a question- if narcissists grandiosity is eliminated in therapy, what happens with his relationships? Is shared fantasy relationship model is also eliminated? asking because shared fantasy is based on idealisation and idealisation happens because of grandiosity. I would be very pleased to know the answer!
Shared fantasy remains intact. The narcissist still idealizes the partner as a defense.
I read your diary. a sentence that i fell in love with lingers in my mind and i just had to share.. “its like a childs grave in autumn” describing the inevitable loneliness, always there.. quietly. with a faint memory of what could of been..
Where is that? I also want to go through.
I identify myself more and more as an narcissistic little psychopath but still... I really think that I have a lot of empathie I just try to block it to not get hurt but mostly I stay empathic. Or am I just playing the role of a likeable person? Idk... should I get this to my psy?
Please do a video on the effects of mushrooms post experience with lower levels of narcissism I've been with a narcissist for 24 years and our best years are after a mushroom 🍄
Please search the channel for "psychedelics".
Where is the video you referenced at 19:32 about the playmate role?
Search the channel.
In fact I ve always felt like my ex mother, cause he was not capable to do tasks at home by himself, or mind about higiene after sometime of the relationship...also he didnt want to have sex with me, instead he wanted to watch news about politics and play chess...and for me this was the weirdest thing since the beggining of the relationship, how my bf doesnt feel aroused when i use a sexy underwear in front of him, while all other guys are praying for me to give them a chance?! Prpfessor, do you have a video speaking in more details about sexual behavior of narcissists?
On this channel, I have a whole playlist about the narcissist's sexuality.
You gave him narcissistic supply, so he was satisfied, with just receiving it. Witholding sex From supplier is also rewarding in form of having control, which gives narcissist a feeling of sadistic pleasure.
So, when two narcissists partner up, does all of this happen simultaneously between them?
Yes.
I can vouch for that
What if we discard the narcissist first and blocked them on everything. Would they still paint us as the bad person in their mind?
Search the channel.
What happens after the discard/end of the relationship? Does the narcissist reaches 'adulthood' or are they permanently in the loop?
Watch the shared fantasy playlist.
The relationships between Gurus and Apprentices in some himalayan budhism schools. Is it perhaps not the oceanic feeling that they are seeking and providing? Not the actual enlightenment? The shared fantasy ... regression to childhood like mind states, and the oceanic feeling is what guru cults offer?
Watch my videos on gurus and other scammers.
Wow, feels like I got dissected. Not a good feeling to be called out.
Hello Dr. Vaknin, I was wondering if you might be able to answer this question I have for you: About how long does the narcissist’s shared fantasy take to not only begin, but fully form and solidify within the relationship? Is it instant, or does it take weeks, months, years? Thank you.
Days from the moment the narcissist begins to regard you as a potential intimate partner or source of supply.