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What Dating is Like as An Asian in America
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- čas přidán 15. 08. 2024
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I share my dating experience as an Asian/Korean in the United States. I truly believe that you (and I!) will find love - the idea of waiting for something makes it more exciting :)
Your feedback helps me improve. Please share your thoughts via comment or email: all4yoojin@gmail.com
Chaptesr
00:00 Where are you hubby?
01:11 My “relationship” with dating
02:56 You are probably overworked
05:20 Social media influence
06:50 Challenges of online dating
08:41 Modern dating dictionary
09:08 Dating in Korea
09:28 Dating stages in the US
10:45 Korean dating apps
12:05 Matchmaking
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#moderndating #culturaldifferences #findinglove
What's your dating experience like? Any tips for the community (and me)? 😚
Yeah, don't. Focus on yourself and build a good life.
Great video that outlines a lot of the differences between American and Korean dating culture. Especially the part about the ambiguity in American dating where both parties are "shopping around" and not really committed to dating. It's the sad reality and social media/dating apps have only exacerbated the problems.
One thing that's not touched upon is the gender differences in dating in American both as an Asian male or female. As an Asian male born in America, we face similar but different challenges compared to our female counterpart. For example, growing up in the mid 2000s there was unfortunately a lot of racism hurled at us and a lot of women having a "I don't date Asian policy". I can almost count the number of Asian girls in my high school who ended up going out with white guys only and never with an Asian dude.
Because my perception of Asian women was largely negative, when I entered college, I took all that pent up frustration and pursued a lot of non-Asian women. I dated an Italian girl, French exchange student and a white American girl. But throughout that journey, I realized that I really don't have much in common with your typical white bread American and started looking inward. I stopped dating and joined several Asian clubs and met some amazing people who shared their experiences of self internalized racism and anti-Asian hate. Shortly after, I took a job in Okinawa, Japan and started learning about the Asian side of myself and where my family came from.
I can proudly say now that I've come full circle and find myself more attracted to Asian girls, even pursuing a few of them. For me, I've tried two different methods: in-person speed dating and through language exchange groups. The in person speed dating is essentially online swiping but great expedited so you don't waste time making small talk. You sit at a venue, which in my case was a "cruise ship" and fill out a brief intro form with your LINE ID, age, occupation ect. Next, you go through the typical meet and greet for 5 minutes and move onto the next person. overall, this was a fun but exhausting experience and I only recommend this if you have the money.
For those people in the US, I recommend checking out the Silicon Valley Taiwanese Matchmaking group. They post bimonthly virtual happy hour events for Asians who live too far each other. My last event before PCSing to Japan, was in the DC metropolitan area and there was 10 girls and 12 guys ranging from 25-40 years old. There was even a lady from Boston. I scored a date with a girl but things didn't exactly work out since i was moving out of the area. Still it was a fun experience and I would encourage people to check it out!
I'm from the states, but I live here in Jinhae, Kyŏngsang-Namdo, Korea. Tip. . . Balance. . . be pliable, but not a complete pushover. Be smart, sweet & nurturing. I can see that you're pretty cute in this video, so you've got that going for you at the very least. Practice introspection by "looking in the mirror" & performing a self-audit of yourself, adjusting accordingly if any part of you needs work, mentally, emotionally or physically. This way you can be the best possible you to make the transfer into a relationship smoother. And finally, GET YOURSELF ONE OF THE BROTHAS(black guy) to love you forever & ever!!! 😁 That last part was a joke, but do keep an open mind because ya never know 🤷🏽♂. . . And that's all4yoojin. Best to ya!
Hi there, a tip I would suggest is to change up that hairstyle. Not saying anything is wrong with your current hair style but that looks more like the style of somebody who has already settled down with 2 kids to tend to at home, or of someone who is too focused on their careers and not out on the dating scene . The effort you put into making yourself attractive is one of the most important factor to a woman's dating success, and Im speaking from personal experience, witnessing the dating live of women amongst family and friends. Please dont take it wrong I think your very attractive but if you put more effort into your overall style you will see improved results in your dating life
I feel for you. It sounds like there's a lot of pressure in Korean/US culture to meet a checkbox criteria but ignores what values are important. If you haven't dated much before, try join activites or clubs (running, book clubs, etc) to feel comfortable with the opposite sex. You'll learn more about yourself and what qualities in a person that you're looking for.
If i found out a woman I'm dating had a spreadsheet regarding our relationship I would run for the hills. Thats a partner that is going to closely inspect and dissect every action you take for the rest of your life. Ooof
Dating is an exercise. Just put yourself out there and go on dates. I don't understand why it is so difficult. Just meet new people on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. See what is out there, explore. You are living in a huge country with a huge pool of single men. Make the most of it. Enjoy yourself, enjoy life. You are overthinking things! Relax!
Bro, it’s not as simple as just go outside
It kinda is.
Hello sweetheart, I am going to speak to you based on my experience... Don't search, be happy and heaven will reward you without you realizing it. People who are happy with themselves attract their partners, I assure you.
Here is some advice from someone who has been married, had kids and still dating lol, but let me share with you what I have learned.
• Finding the right partner is more than checking off boxes or meeting criteria
• It's about choosing someone who genuinely wants to build a future with you
• Qualities like beauty and intelligence are important but not the sole determinants
• It requires leaving behind old expectations and embracing uncertainty
• Taking a leap of faith is necessary, despite potential challenges
• Embracing vulnerability and letting go of control are crucial
• Being open to the journey of building a life with someone who values you is key
You are a beautiful woman and extremely smart, but the solution to your dilemma is not an excel sheet or a checklist its being willing to let go of all your expectations, taking the leap, and risking it all for better or for worse.
A man can be risky, a woman can’t never be too careful, but I like what you said, about leaving behind old expectations and embracing uncertainty.
I think the best way to meet people is to go to the same hobby place - board games, comics cosplays, etc. This way you can meet people in the similar interests and become first friends and then already start dating.
This is such a good video. Thank you for this! I am in a similar position - Overseas Korean female student living in an European country but no dating experience whatsoever, so it really hit close to home.
I didn’t know the 뚜쟁이 business in Korea is that brutal. My (male) cousin met his wife through this and they have two kids now which is why I thought it’s "easy" to find a partner this way. Welp…
I think as a Korean (or generally East Asian woman it’s hard to date in a western country because if you are only interested in men from your own home country (my case), it limits the pool tremendously. For me, I can’t trust men from other ethnicities due to the risk of them having yellow fever. Also, it shouldnt be too hard to meet an adequate Korean man?
Anyways, in my honest humble opinion, in your case you are just above 99% of men. You are intelligent, well-traveled, eloquent, have a highly admirable career etc. and I say this from an OBJECTIVE perspective 😅 Of course it would be difficult to find someone in your league. Reminds me of the bell curve concept.
Don’t lose hope - God will send you the right person your way whenever it‘s ought to happen.
I'm not sure what part of Europe you're in as that will affect the Asian population but based on how you wrote it I'm not sure if you're limiting yourself to only Korean or Asian. In Australia we have a sizeable Korean population and they date Koreans, Chinese or Viets usually. My cousin (Chinese) is married to a Korean girl and I get along with the Koreans from abroad too. Something to consider if you're not already.
I just found your channel, and I already love it. Your videos are interesting, genuine and I also enjoy how your voice sounds. Your voice is very calming 😊 Im excited to watch your other videos.
Yay! Welcome to this space, Katlyn! I hope to continue bringing back more fun videos for you
Im happy that you like your life. Honestly, i gave up on relationships after 15 years with the only woman i've loved. I'm aspiring to have the kind of life you have. One i'm happy with. Aren't we all?
Dating takes a lot out of me because I put a lot into it. It's stressful and exhausting and I need frequent breaks, but I'm going to keep slamming my head against the wall until it works. Only need to find the right person once
I am American and am currently dating a Korean man, so it is very interesting to hear about the differences in dating in the two cultures! The ambiguity in American dating culture gives me a lot of anxiety, so i wish things had more structure here like they do in Korea.
A lot of people choose bad relationships over being single
I went out 100 dates before I found my current husband (I’m in Singapore). It’s brutal market here too. I would like to think that if you meet people at least you have a chance as compared to not meeting anyone. So don’t give up
consider changing that title to dating as an Asian woman in America. Dating experience for Asian men and Asian women arent the same.
I just across your videos and relate so much but hey there can be good news on the horizon with online dating! My friend had a spreadsheet too and shes now engaged to her beau she found on coffee meets bagel. I went on there too after not having luck on Hinge, and found my boyfriend after a couple months and are soon celebrating our 2-year anniversary! My friend and I are both Asian, highly ambitious mba grads and some guys can be intimidated by that but the right one will come along. Not sure if you already have but if you do go back to online dating be sure to take breaks in between!
I think part of the reason why women have a hard time maintaining a relationship is the longer they go without being in one then the harder it is to make the adjustment to actually be in a relationship. As opposed to with men its much easy for us regardless to make the adjustment to maintain a relationship even though we may not have ever had one in the past.
I have a few words of encouragement. I think the most important thing is being content in your own skin, as you've said in the last minute. Pursue what you're passionate about.
You really shouldn't be discouraged for not fooling around in high school. I've (man in his 30s) been in serious relationships and less-serious ones, none of them matter to me, at the end of the day. Ended up meeting someone really lovely on a matchmaking service. By that time I was already ready to give up on the matchmaking and go pursue a new passion that I found - it was very frustrating and I was not impressed with what was out there, for the most part. And then I received an invitation from her through the service to meet...
Thank you for sharing your experience, Alex! I appreciate the encouragement and the insights. 🙏 It makes me happy to hear that matchmaking service worked out for you!
Honestly dating can feel like a circus but you may be able to find apps focused on more serious relationships upfront. I have friends that did the multiple partners, never settled or got exclusive because they didn't want commitment and both parties made intentions clear.
Sadly tinder is just known for hookups now. But on the first date or over the texting phase or even in your profile if you state your expectations and clear desire for something stable within 4 months, you hopefully can attract men also seeking that kind of relationship.
Just my anecdote but if you can get a guy to take you out to a genuine sit down diner and not some grab 'n go coffee joint, it's easier to have deeper conversations with 2-3 hours and open up about future desires.
The problem with meeting someone through parents is that most of the guys are mommas boys (nowadays at least). As a guy I feel like my parents should have restricted say in how I live my life but as a Korean I know that that’s not the mentality of most koreans. Most korean parents seem like they want to live vicariously through their kids, especially because they feel that they didn’t have the best opportunities in life; many of them are post war generation. I guess it’s a case of “FOMO” (fear of missing out): “What I could have been” “What I should have been” “What my children should be” “How my children should live”. I find that Korean culture doesn’t really help either. Korean culture is all about control and mind games of how to get control. Don’t even talk about the elitist standards they judge each other with and the standards they have for their partners. One thing in life I’ve learned is that there is no “perfect” or “near perfect”because if a person works on one area of their life they tend to lack in others, it’s a trade-off. Life is always about trade-offs. Look for the most optimized trade-offs for you.
9:08 I think you have a very distorted view of what's dating like in South Korea. All of those "American terms" are a thing all over the world, in my experience. Including East Asia!
Maybe it's because you've been out of South Korea for several years, but I can guarantee you that these phenomena have reached there too. Rest assured... lol
''I spent hours on my cellphone while flight delayed'' thats a mistake on my opinion..
You schedul is so packed... don't use those ''free time'' A.k.a waiting delayed flight on your phone! Talk to people around, not with dating in mind, but to make more friends. More actual friends can open more opportunity. cassual conversation is less burdensome, give you an opportunity to find someone click with.
@@berlinatunjungsari1244 yes!! I love this idea!! I’ve definitely started doing this more and it’s been so much fun.
This past weekend I was at an amusement park and got some free fast passes from the people who work there by making friends.
Great to see you back Berlina and thanks for calling me out. Yeah, I’m still working 🥹😂
@@all4yoojin wish you the best Yoojin! You can try to fimd men from countries with Islam root. Like Turkey, Marooco, Arabian, Egypt, Malaysia, Indonesia etc.. I think men from those countries, even tough not muslims, will more open minded with no s*x before married idea.
1:54 i am so sorry you get asked ridiculous questions like these like.. excuse me?? i am so ashamed of my country.. why would anyone ask something like that??
You are sweet, RanBel. No feelings hurt though! 🙏
Awww you went to KMLA!! Met a bunch of KMLA grads at my church 😅
You probably know them too.
hahaha what a small world! maybe we do know each other - it's a really small school 🤗
Single but not too available!
😂 you crack me up
Do you know the 한방언니 youtube channel? She has great dating advice for women in their 30-40s.
@@Zmiss2344 hi!! Thanks for the suggestion! Oh! It looks like she gives dating advice for folks living in Korea.
@@all4yoojin yeah she’s a matchmaker in Korea but I think a lot of matchmakers regardless of nationality look for similar criteria’s to match their clients.
@@Zmiss2344 fair point! My matchmakers gave up on me hahaha😂 haven’t heard from them for months. I’ll check out the advice. Thank you and stay healthy🙏
It is very hard to have it all - education, career, looks, love and kids
You are right. Life is not easy🙏
and good health
I relate to a lot of what you said. I would date you lol.
But what's holding you back from finding someone? Are you the type that don't catch feelings easily?
hahaha I appreciate the compliment Eric. That's a great question that I'm still trying to solve for
@@all4yoojinIf you're not the type to catch feelings easily, then it's not so bad to not find somebody, right?
I do not understand the soft launch and hard launch 😂😂 . People also mentioned that if someone placed you in their FB or IG story means you mean a lot to them but i tell you from experience that its not true 😂😂. People are weird now in dating
I love this voice and this pronunciation
13:45 😅 i just lost it, ha ha ha
😂😂😂 glad it made you chuckle
There are more single women because of widows. There are far more single men under 30, and it starts to balance out between 30 and 40.
What is your day job, and do you manage to get time to do youtube?
I work in professional services and I’m pretty good with managing my time haha
@all4yoojin what does professional services mean? Do you do professional video editing or are you a professional escort? It can range widely.
@@linkcell good point! Neither! I work in business :) I have it in the works to make a video about my job since I get a lot of emails about it
Also this video is long so i had to watch 2x hehe
Hahaha appreciate that!
Hug you sweetheart....it is is shit show being in relationship my love..
@@ugi976 sending back virtual hugs❤️ finding love isn’t easy and I’m learning to accept that is okay!
@@all4yoojin hugs, Most beautiful thing you said is, you are content being single 💋 that's how you do , sister!
Why did you say you dont "even have a single cat"? It seems to lean into the negative stereotype that single women have cats. Please dont add fuel to the negative connotation
oh! I didn't mean to associate anything negative in any way. I do wish to be graced by the wonderful cat in my life. Thanks for noting that what I said could be interpreted in such a way. I'll be more mindful in the future
I think you're making some mistakes in your approach. Why is a man interested in you because of your cultural background a bad thing? If anything, I think it's an unutilized strength that you're just throwing away. Of course, I think you'd want a guy interested in you for many reasons, but your cultural background could very well be one of them.
Another thing - you didn't miss anything by not dating in high school. I'm actually really attracted as a man to this type. It makes the woman look much more serious about marriage and not just fooling around. Like, I'm thinking: "that's a girl I could commit to"
I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I just think you have a huge blind-spot - as a guy.
At this point, I watched only half of your video.
lesson learned : never gonna date American (or Korean American) again lol
My friend, can I share with you some wisdom from the Bible? Jesus said in Matthew chapter 5 “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you”. May I encourage you to pray to our Creator, our Heavenly Father, the God who sent Jesus Christ to save us? He cares for you. He is real and he will hear your prayer. God bless you.
Thank you for sharing! I think it's interesting that all these internet strangers (myself included) are giving advice as if they know you. Granted you asked for some tips, but I feel like each individual is so different that the general "be open" or wtv doesn't always apply to the same extent. People are interesting🦭
Just find a chad who has not taken the wax and you are good to go.
@@keith48993 hahaha nice use of emoji, Keith😂