"Help! My Friends & Family Don't Understand My Style!" - Tips for Self Confidence
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- Check out a list of ways you can cope when your friends and family don’t understand your style:
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00:00 Introduction
One of the most frequent comments and emails we get from our readers - especially young readers - goes something like this:
“I want to dress up more, wear suits, or dress differently than the people around me, and my friends and family don’t understand or support my style choices. What can I do?”
Preston can sympathize with men who feel this way. He developed an interest in classic menswear in his early teens, but his parents were concerned that if he dressed too differently from his peers, this might lead to social awkwardness or bullying. Fortunately, however, his friends and peers, in general, were largely very supportive--though this won’t be the case for everyone!
For Raphael, his family was never very interested in clothes, and getting dressed was more about function and cost than style. When he developed an interest in classic style, he did because it resonated with him. Preston has a similar story.
If you’re experiencing pushback from friends, family, or peers about getting into classic style whether you’re young or at any other age, here are six techniques we’ve come up with to work through this.
02:19 1. Focus on things you can control
03:44 2. Consider this journey as a rite of passage
05:22 3. Most of the negativity directed at you is really about them
07:05 4. Build up your defenses as thick as your skin!
09:26 5. Learn to gracefully accept a compliment
10:24 6. Don’t let other people change you
Style is a representation of personal identity. So, you shouldn’t be embarrassed if your style is making a strong statement because this just means that you’re secure in your own identity and so long as you can back this up with class and grace, that’s one more step on the road to becoming a true gentleman.
11:53 Outfit Rundown - Jak na to + styl
In 2020, rebelling against your parents entails being bookish and well spoken and wearing a suit and tie
I wish that wasn't true. It's not funny when it happens to you.
@@grizzlyb9984 I was kind of in that boat when I was a teenager -- but it was for being into history and philosophy, and enjoying classical music.
Most of my friends and relatives liked my classic style, only my parents didn't.
It's kind of ironic, trying to become more conservative-ish and traditional is seen as "rebellious"
We live in a society.
Seeing Preston in a t-shirt and baseball cap looks SO illegal
Positively cursed
@@mungulor absolutely correct. He's a good looking guy nevertheless
He doesn't look off tho
I think he pulls it off rather well. But yeah, very odd nonetheless
@@tommygun8256 it looks better on him honestly
I think every young man should watch this regardless of the style they pursue
I’m 17 and watching this video. I’am one of those young people who love traditional classic fashion
@@vincentwitt1810 You got all my admiration keep it going.
True, relatable for people who wear full rick
@@vincentwitt1810 yeah im not a classic style guy but I appreciate this video it works for every style
i guess I am kind of off topic but does anyone know of a good website to stream newly released series online?
Just get through high school. The world opens up so much more after that.
I think once people want to make style transitions it can be still difficult depending on one's surroundings.
For me it was the other way around. My high school had been so carefree I really had to adjust to the extrem judging of dressing styles. It really depends on the very individual social sourrounding.
Me: Well I guess 2020 can't get any weirder
Gentleman's Gazette: Hey check it out, it's Preston in a Batman t-shirt
haha! It took me a moment to figure out who it was.
I am 17 and started being interested in classic styles about a year ago. What I have found is that it helps to ease into the change. It would be uncomfortable for you, and others if you went from wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt every day to a suit. I started by getting polo shirts and other collared shirts as well as wearing black jeans or similar pants. Recently, I purchased a number of sweaters that can be worn with a dress shirt, as well as a cardigan. I believe that I have reached a level that presents me as classical, while not straying too far from my age group. I also have a number of suits and sport coats but have not reached a level of comfort to wear them outside of formal events. Basically, I wear what he is wearing but without the jacket and bowtie.
Since this comment is from a few years ago, I'd like to ask how has your menswear journey been? Like what kind of progress have you made?
I started dressing up 3 years ago and back then when I got to school with a dressshirt and a nice sweater people used to ask me why I was "dressing so poshly". I just ignored the comments and looks I got and now when I go to school in a three piece suit with a Winchester Shirt and a Knit Tie it's normal and nobody asks such questions anymore. Do your thing - people will get used to it!
Julian K. - before I retired five years ago I was often asked (at work) why I was “dressing up” (that meant wearing slacks, button-down shirt, belt, and shined shoes (I worked in an office within a chemical-plant). My response? “I’ve got a phone-interview.” That usually made them laugh or give me a puzzled look.
@@jrh11254 I like it! :)
Bravo! It took me many more years than you to adopt the same attitude. Your friends will accept you as you are and the others don’t matter.
My friend got very insecure when she thought that she wasn't dressed up enough to match my classic style outfit. I actually took my tie off to make things better for her. The next time it happened, I explained she was dressed better than most people around us, and she shouldn't worry.
Nice work keep it up
Me: I am going to a bespoke tailor for a new suit.
Friend: But you already have one?!
So not everyone understands tailoring. That is true with a lot of things.
Modern ways of possibilities are a gift and a curse at the same time. It exists more variation and you have more options but at the same time it creates barriers between people because there is just too much out there that everyone can understand and comprehend everything and it needs lots and lots of communicating for not getting lost in missunderstandings. What can be very tiring so mostly we only invest this in people we have a personal connection with.
I think the bigger thing with this is most people have exactly one suit that they pull out once a year for a wedding or something similar. The vast majority of people not in very specific job fields simply don't wear suits unless they absolutely have to, and assume everyone else is the same. This also partially stems from people believing anything resembling a suit or similar is uncomfortable because they haven't had anything properly tailored.
Marc M - most people I know have never heard the term, ‘bespoke,” and I’m sure would wonder what spokes have to do with clothing.
I received a piece of advice years ago that resonated: Someone else’s opinion of me is none of my business.
That is great advice, I never have thought of it that way
I don't see how it helps, only makes you more shy about it. It's none of their business what you do.
Doesn’t that depends on who’s opinion it is? Like sure must opinions must likely don’t matter, but surely some opinions do. What about your boss opinion about you, let say if you are trying to move up the corporate ladder?
@@Lassehansen3 - it’s a saying; meant to be more general than specific.
@@jrh11254 I know 🙂 no harm meant, just teasing a bit and also trying to challenge the idea, as I definitely believe that there is such a thing as overdressing 😉
The moral of the story is, BE YOURSELF 👍🏾
Exactly
@@gentlemansgazette could you help me with my comment above please sir
And give judgemental people the middle finger 😂
Gerald G. Orros 😂😂😂😂Exactly!!!
SO true! It mystified me that I was vilified by other men in my office because I kept my shoes shined, my trousers had knife creases, and my outfits looked well-planned. To me, this was just how I was taught to present myself. To other men, it was a threat. Of course, I didn’t change a thing.
For me, the key is to be stylishly dressed to fit the occasion. For example, I don't wear a suit and tie to a baseball game, and I don't wear a baseball cap to a business meeting. I also believe in wearing the best in class attire that a person can afford. As you know, the cost per wear is lower in the long run for well-made clothing and shoes. Following this rule, I generally get compliments, not comments.
*tries to go smart casual*
My family : THATS TOOOO FORMAL
I discovered when I was a teenager that my heart was in Goth, Emo, and other Rock & Roll types of fashion. It's been a constant battle against my parents' seething disapproval over the years. I didn't know so many others struggled with the same thing, even amongst such conservative styles. Thanks for this video Preston, I really needed it. 🖤
Heads up, girls ~ all this applies to us too! 🙋🏼♀️
I dress "smart-casual" day-to-day, but wanted to improve the way I dressed for work. I used to wear a generic blue or white shirt, with a pair of cheap black trousers and felt like I couldn't get away with dressing any better as people would mock me in this day and age of not dressing particularly well for work.
I bit the bullet and bought myself two suits, some nice business shirts, some decent ties, new shoes, a pair of nice cuff links and matching tie bar.
The first day I went in to work, everyone made comments that they thought I was going for an interview, or "oooo look at you all posh", which wasn't necessarily bad, but I didn't like the attention. However, after a week or so, people just accepted my new style as normal and would only occasionally comment on it and it was usually to say they appreciated that I dress well compared to most other people in the office.
So, my point is: it's hard to take that first step, but once you do, don't give up and everything will work out in the end!
What I learned from dressing nice everyday is that the average person doesn't know the difference from a blazer and a jacket. To them if it's dressy its nice and therefore meant for funerals, weddings and rich guys. And so when people ask me why I'm dressing so nice even though its a casual outfit with a tie I cut them some slack. They just don't know.
Thanks for the vid!
I've literally worn jeans, a t shirt, and a blazer, and been asked "Why are you wearing a suit?"
@@LukeTheArtist96 haha. My point exactly. I would understand the question if you were going to McDonald's in a thousand dollar suit.
@@LukeTheArtist96 same hahaha
People around you may feel threatened that you have the courage to dress differently from the mainstream, while they themselves do not. Indeed!
I don't consider myself an enthusiast of classic menswear, as I mainly watch this channel for advice on a better professional wardrobe, but this is all fantastic advice!
This was not a video about clothing but about life! Full of life lessons and simply brilliant! Very meaningful and, at the same time, stylish!
I'm glad to see the GG address their younger viewers who enjoy classic menswear. Inspiring youth to dress well is going to be a great legacy for this channel.
Another thing I heard, when a friend is being passive aggressive or negative about the way you are dressed, they might just be wondering, "Is he still part of our group, or is he moving on?"
I love today’s colors. The bowtie, lapel flower, slightly checkered shirt and the sweater is a great great fall/winter combo
I’m keen of 1920-1930 style and I especially love tweed and men sportswear. When I was 19, I began wearing plus fours, and it was really hard because none of my relatives appreciated it and they were really harsh about it. Nevertheless, I still proudly wear my plus fours and even if they don’t appreciate the cut, at least my self-confidence and passion made them accept my fantaisies.
Any style you live by, casual, preppy, rugged or classic, the key is confidence. No matter what you wear.
Ha! Dramatic reenactment! Well played, gentlemen.
I'm 23 and what can I say - I love this video!
Everybody says that you can wear what you want these days, but only when it comes to white tennis socks or belly pockets, but not to classic bow ties, etc.
What a bummer...
So true...
Really, this video and the strategies it highlights, could be used by virtually anyone in any situation where they are going to do their own thing, regardless of what everyone else is doing. Not just clothing, but career choices, living styles, diet, etc…
Nicely done! I appreciate the frank and positive suggestions and ideas!
after seeing this guy in a tee shirt and baseball cap i'm glad he found his style haha
Totally understand the, "Why are you dressed like that?" I got it the other day. My response is always, "Why NOT dress this way?"
I am also in my early teens and I love this channel and clothing but my parents do not, thanks for all they enjoyment and advice you have given me during this pandemic
I have that exact batman shirt.
I am studying in VN and I have been pursuing this style for quite a few years. Till this time, people my school have been gossiping about me and my style. Sometimes I dunno why they hate differences...
Whenever I give any sort of presentation at work I always wear dress slacks and a sport coat. I always get asked “what do you have a job interview today?” and I always retort with “if I had an interview I’d be wearing a suit”. Don’t let anyone put you down for dressing up.
Some people may call my guy bookish but really all i see is a guy who speaks excellent english.
"Dramatic Reenactment" LOL! This channel is awesome.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart! As a young man (18 years of age, to be exact) I struggle to explain why I dress the way I do.
I admire this man's confidence! Took me a while to be comfortable dressing how I desire at my age.
One evening I was wearing a solid blue seersucker sportscoat with blue jeans and dark brown wingtip oxfords in a popular part of town. A voice emerged from a group of young gentlemen who were dressed in the latest casual fashion, "Nice suit!". I answered without delay, "thank you."
Was I being disrespected with by his slightly sarcastic tone? This is my interpretation: In the mainstream, folks who dress in the standard casual fair are not always devoid of a sense of style, as we often declare. I believe the young gentleman was enjoying my outfit on an aesthetic level, and he was compelled to say something. The tone he employed was there to signal to his peers that we was just being spontaneous and not completely sincere.
Seeing Preston wear the exact same Batman t-shirt I used to have just created a bond I didn't think possible...
Mr. Preston, every time you make a video, there will be style and class. Thank you very much!
Love the Bowler Hat, Preston. Chapeau! 🎩
This exquisite tweed sports coat was your first menswear item!? No wonder your friends supported your style Preston!
By the way, nice t-shirt and baseball cap ;D Reminds me of Eggsy from kingsman.
The "law of Jante" is strong around these parts, so dressing like this is sometimes scoffed at and labeled as larping, pretending or trying to be "above" others. But having gradually added more and more formal clothing items to my outfits, it has generally been accepted. You just really have to be confident and natural, and not make a big deal out of yourself or your clothing, and things will work out in my experience, even if everyone else feels that either they're now underdressed next to you, or think that you're trying to larp a more successful person than you are by suiting up.
Nordic country? Sorry man. That culture scoffs individuality a bit, but that's all the more reason to rebel.
@@TheDrapetomanic Right. I don't really care to rebel either in that sense, but I will just quietly keep doing my own thing. I've never lacked confidence though, so it's relatively easy for me to trust my own choices in life and in what I wear.
@@Audiojack_ Silent rebellion is still rebellion; you are playing by your rules, not theirs.
Norsk Svensk eller Dansk?
I was always a fan of classic style as a young teen, I attended a school that had a strict uniform policy, Blazer, Shirt, Tie, Black shoes etc so dressing up was the norm, so later on in life, wearing a suit to an occasion that needed one, I never felt uncomfortable or over dressed like many of my friends felt who attended a non-uniformed school.
My idea of "Dressing Down" Is brown Brogues, dark jeans, tucked in shirt without a tie and a tweed sports jacket, where some may feel over dressed in similar attire.
I see Prestion I click so fast 😍😍😍
But just saying as someone living in South Asia... Try talking about your 'style' with your parents and they pull out the slippers 😭😭😭
I truly appreciate this video. I am 52 years old, and I do like the suits and vintage. I have and am learning so much from your videos.
Aww this was so heartfelt. Thank you for a wonderful and important video - I love how you articulated the process of embracing your personal style as a form of emancipation and initiation. I have lived that! You all look like you have a lot of fun making these videos. Thank you again Xx
Dear Preston, you’re a true gentleman! Inside and out! You have nobility and dignity exuding from a pure essence, something so rare these days! I’m happy to see that there’s hope in your generation. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Keep up the great work! All the Blessings! PS. I love the channel!
teen Preston is a mood now
I’m 15, my general go-to is open-neck dress shirt, sports jacket with a pocket square, jeans or chinos, socks that match some tones elsewhere in the outfit, and oxfords, brogues or Chelsea boots. The school held a non-uniform day last week and everyone loved it: that included the guys in “roadman” fashion, which made me feel well-accepted and respected. It feels good to have a reputation as “the well-dressed guy.”
Thank you! Precisely what I think many of us needed!
Thank you all. You are gentlemen of true fortune and epicness!
Be yourself, 👍🏼 , thank you 100% agree.
Oh my days the thumbnail gave me a good hearty chuckle. Preston is honestly such a weapon
I felt so identified with this video, I like the style and yes people do say a lot of these things, you guys nailed it with this video... And all the others.
When you just cant get 80 years old fast enough haha
Nah, seriously. I like it when people enjoy this and go with it. Used to have a guy at work who had a full assortment of suits and clothing in 1900s style. I came to work every morning curious of what he would be wearing that day haha
The key is to introduce things gradually, otherwise it can appear you are dressing in costume.The other point is that you should be dressing for the occasion. There is also a casual but dressy style you can adopt, its not all about wearing suits all the time. Also read The Chap magazine.
Stand up straight, make eye contact with your detractors, and be confident in your choice of clothes.
This video is spot on!!! I went through this with family as I was in my teens and had always liked and aspired to be a classical music enthusiasts. I gradually as I got older started buying my own clothes and building my wardrobe to suit my style and removing graphic T's, sweats, jeans, and cargo pants. I shopped local, vintage stores, and thrift shops. As I got older and started working better jobs and starting my career and increasing wealth I have worked my way up to custom suits. So I would tell anyone who wants to give it a shot to do so and embrace it.
Wore a bow tie for the first time the past Saturday. People noticed on my trip to the local mall. Some brows furrowed in confusion, some questions, and some complements. But more importantly, nothing negative.
Thanks for sharing! Your Chanel is always a good inspiration
Been waiting for this for so long! Thanks guys
You guys make such good videos. Always well-made. You have a joy of life in this subject.
this video is my everything now thank you for this channel
Excellent, thoughtful, and correct assessment of this general issue.
"Horrifying your parents with your clothing choices is something the almost every young person has to do."
lol Can Confirm
I'm 55... I started dressing "weird" back in the late 70s, when menswear took a turn back to the pseudo late Fifties look.
By the time I was in High School in the early Eighties, the "Preppy" thing was in full swing, so I took it a step further and started collecting Thirties and Forties stuff.
I've really never followed any kind of fashion trend... Even as a little kid in the early Seventies I'd BEG to shop in the Bargain Basement, where the stores kept the "cool stuff" (cool to me, anyway).
I've come to the conclusion that Rule Number One is to not give an eff about what others think.
Rule Number Two is to WEAR what you like, and don't let it wear YOU.
I've also found that keeping things in the "classic realm" helps... Certain trends, even in the Golden Era just weren't too great and look more or less like a costume... So a bit of prudence is key.
As Preston said, greeting questions or criticism with a smile and a light heart will get you much farther than a defensive attitude.
One catches more flies with honey than one does with vinegar.😉
Another great video about being confident in the clothing you wear.
this is by far my favorite video. the explanations and tips are relevant for all aspects of life and very wise. Tip number 3 is one of my favorites....otherwise known as projection sometimes. well done
I'm about to be 17 so I'm fairly young to be dressing up. what I do many times is o pair a rugby shirt with a pair of slim fit corduroys or chinos. and if it's fall or winter I usually put a leather jacket or a coat over the rugby
Fantastic video! On so many levels.
Thanks for this great video! I frequently wear jackets and almost everyday wear a dress shirt as one of my clothing items, so being only 18 years old and just moved into a house with 13 other students, this could frighthen some people. I just learn to live with people not always respecting your style, which is fine too. Most of the times, does who you really care about, find it perfectly okay how you dress. At least, that's what I've found.
I'm so happy to hear you mentioned dandy Wellington
Perhaps one of the most informative videos of content ever!
Thank you guys great video. I'm going to have my 3 sons and I sit down, and we're going to watch, and go over what the meaning of the video is. I Appreciate the help.
the reenactment of all scenarios in this video is just over the top and hilarious. thank you for the laughs XD
I remember when you first joined this channel, great job you’ve help me dress better!
This is wonderful. I live in an assisted living facility, where dressing in a classic style, is mostly seen as being “ overdressed”. Recently I have taken to wearing a lot of v neck sweaters or cardigans. This is an effort to dress up slightly and seems to be well received, so far. Like Preston I have a physical disability as well. However, unlike our friend I use a wheelchair full time. Would love to see the Gentleman’s Gazette do a video on how to dress properly in a wheelchair. For example, since I’m always sitting, should I always leave my suit jacket or sport coat unbuttoned?
Thanks for reading this.
Been there, done that, I'd like to point out this: We live in a world where most of us have similar aims. Climb the social ladder, expertize in our beloved profession, make a fortune. To achieve these, we have to play a game with a bunch of rules. Rules that make me question how free are we in this game. Beware. Adopting a skin far away from your peers tends to be a STATEMENT. This statement contains a message, not so clear for some people, that can have consequences. Watch out for its receiver. And remember: Unfortunately, classic menswear enthusiasts seem to be the PUNKs of our age.
Very well thought comment. The whole "just be who you are" is not so easy how many claim and can be more unnccessary harmful as people think. You have to adjust too some level to your social surrounding when you want to be taken seriously and respected. It is superfical to some level but it is a subconscious process. It is not only education or habits of society. There is so many good content out there but I am often irritated how little proper biology and neuropsychology is considered even in videos about changeing your behavior and habbits or getting more confident.
P.S. and yes classic and sophisticated style enthusiasts are really the modern days punks in terms of not being conformists to modern mass standard.
I'm not going to lower myself to a peasant's status just because most people choose to dress and behave like peasants. As I've understood that I am the modern day rebel I'm far from the rebels of the past that behaved like apes in order to be different. Today most people have lowered their behavior to peasants. I won't lower myself to that. They have to come up to me if they want my respect. Their "respect" has no worth to me.
Great video! Dress anyway you want and don't worry about what others think. I do watch your channel for ideas because style is cool.
Excellent video! I'm 35 and I still have to deal with all of this coming from peers, friends and family. Although I'll grant it's way easier to deal with criticism and teasing now than it would have been 10 or 15 years ago. I just wish I had started my own style jorney those 10 or 15 years ago, so hear me out, young gentlemen out there: be thankful you've found this channel at your age.
There are many gentlemen who are with you spiritually and mentally. We have to keep top notch moral ethical and aesthetic mark in this wicked world.
And I am one of them.
I’m with you.
Thank you for your great positive impact to Men’s classic values.
Preston is my favourite by far! keep up the good work!
This video is really useful.
Thanks. 👍👍
I moved schools when I went to the third class, which would be ninth grade in America, and decided to not hold back on my style and personality. I'm sure it took some time for others to accept me but I eventually found my place and almost no one comments on it anymore. It's most important to be yourself, don't let others tell you otherwise.
Hes spot on...great job
This video is a must for every person no matter the style!!!
This B-roll brings the video good to great.
I love Preston’s delivery and tone at the beginning of this video; his personal investment in presenting this topic is obvious, and after a couple of years with GG he has really hit his stride. Extra respect for him being a Bat-fan (2:30). I also appreciate the humorous irony at 2:42 where he takes his last bill out of a $285 Fort Belvedere leather wallet. ;) Keep up the great work, Preston!
These are great tips! Very nice.
Good video man. Love the responses you provide. I generally tell them I am not dressed up but I am wearing business casual because I am a professional.
Another great video. I've seen so many great outfits on this chanel and it has helped to influence my style. In fact being able to dress as well and in a similar style as Preston is a goal of mine now.
Really like that tweed jacket Preston! I’ll have to hunt for one in those colors.
There was never such a more perfect video for me
You're such an awesome fella Preston!
Thabk you so much for this! This reduce A LOT of my fear doing lolita fashion (it's a fashion style more or less heavily inspire of victorian era). More powers on you and the channel!
Preston is a gem for this channel ❤☺
I was very heavy on gentleman’s fashion during my teens. Now I’m finding myself leaning toward more durable and casual wear. Regardless, gentleman’s gazette has helped me feel more comfortable in my choice of clothing. Plus, I’ve built up a nice collection of flattering suits and gentleman wear that I wear on occasion!
I had to get a new wardrobe for after I graduate college. It’s expensive, but I am so new to dress clothes and suits. Been learning a lot from this channel. Some things don’t really work for where I am because I live in more farmland area so most people are really chill. I’m the first person in my family to have a real white collar job and I have had to learn so much. Wearing a suit or just dressing up in general makes me feel better and more productive so I’ve been wearing it every now and then. Someone questioned me why I would wear it casually. I just said I felt like it and I like how it looks. Own up to your own stuff and be proud of what you want to do